Don’t Contact

You’ve reached this page because you don’t want to contact me. I appreciate your proactivity in not contacting me. Hmm. Turns out proactivity is not a word. Just an acne cleansing system. Regardless, here are times which you do not need to contact me:

If you want me to review your new adult Winnie the Pooh sweatshirt line

If you want to tell me that I offended you discussing 1) poop 2) jesus 3) the entire southern region of the united states or 4) the colors pink and or green

If you want to chat about ham

If you are Bob Saget. However if you are Danny Tanner, please refer to the “Contact” page

If you want to find out where I live so you can sit outside of my house rocking back and forth with your binoculars. Actually, I’ll probably tell you. I need more friends.

however if this is you, please contact me immediately.