Vom stuff

The 8 repulsing qualities of the first trimester. Watch in amazement as I repel all humans.

Dudes. Pregnancy HATES me. Like throat razor hates me. 3 days ago, I was all, SECOND TRIMESTER, TIME TO FEEL BETTER! So I stopped taking my regimented half a unisom and 2 vitamin B6’s every night (for those unaware this is a totally safe and apparently very effective nausea remedy). I was like, please, it’s […]

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There’s really no good reason to read this. Unless you like ultimate sadness and poop pictures.

Raise your hand if you know what croup is? If you answered a combination of crap and poop YOU ARE CORRECT. However I also found out very quickly that it is a baby virus sent to torture sweet little smushy baby faces all around the world (and their parents). Right smack dab in the middle […]

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Old souls have old holes. And mine is in retirement. Both.

To commence the -week of getting my holes checked out-, I had an OBGYN appointment this morning. And I can say that it went just about as well as the dentist. Ok the dentist was worse. But hole #2 didn’t get any better of a report than that mouth hole up north. And if we’re […]

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To be fair, doesn’t the zoo make everyone want to vom just a little?

After about 8 months of birthing a blob of skin that does not contribute in any way to society, you finally get a child who reacts to the world. And holythinmints, are you excited about it. And trust me, everyone, especially your facebook news feed, knows how excited you are. My poor facebook friends look […]

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Only MY garden could find a way to be pornographically vulgar.

Gardening is lame. I’m sorry it is. But you know what? I love the shit out of it. I’m SO bad at it though. Whatever the opposite is of a green thumb, is what I have. Like a red thumb. For blood. A bloody red thumb that murders every living thing that grows from the […]

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