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MODG is actually Amanda and surprise, she has feelings.

August 21, 2013

Guys, last week I almost shut the blog down. For good.

The controversy and mom wars was just too much. I sat alone and thought about it for a while. My blog hits were higher than ever. Advertisers wanted in. But I was miserable. I was personally hosting the mommy wars in my comments section with *almost* ever post I wrote. And I hated it.

I realized that I would rather have 10 positive happy comments and low readership than a bunch of angry fighting bitches. It just felt bad.

I started this blog years ago talking about the importance of not wearing pants and B’s farts. Not much to take personally. Now? Now I have children. Decisions are bigger, they mean more. Being called an annoying bitch is not the same as being called a terrible mother. No matter who it comes from, it hurts.

And it would hurt you too because we all care so much about being a good mom. And that’s the draw of the mommy wars. We feel threatened.

The other day I read a Huffington Post article about how not to raise a whiny bratty kid. It was mostly like, don’t give them whatever they want. Duh. But at the end of the article the author in a tongue and cheek sort of way said:

 Your food won’t be all organic. Yes, I used formula. Walk to school. There is no second breakfast or special dinner for you. I don’t do grocery cart covers or antiseptic wipes. I don’t care if that kid took your toy, get it back yourself, that’s street justice. I don’t care if the neighbor sneezed on you, the flu happens. Time out occurs at anytime or anywhere, so be on alert.”

And I froze. I felt myself tense up. I felt the comment forming in my head…

“eating organic and breastfeeding is about health and not spoiling a child….” the comment goes on and on in my head. But I literally felt shakey. Like I HAD to defend my opinion and let it be known right here. Everything I believed in felt threatened at that very moment. Everything I worked my ass off to do for my kids health was being made into a joke.

And then I realized. Yes. I felt threatened. THREATENED. That’s what you guys feel too. You feel that when I talk about something I believe in that may threaten you as a mother. And we all handle that feeling differently. Some of you immediately go to a ‘fuck you’ kind of place. Some of you type novels about why I’m wrong and another perspective to consider. And I get it. Now I get it. Because I felt it.

But here’s the thing. Despite me “getting it”. I also can tell you that I’m not the Huffington Post. I’m Amanda, age 32, mom of 2….trying the BEST that I can. And whether it’s justified or not, the hurt I feel from the overload of negativity (not just directed at me, but directed at each other) is overwhelming.

After posting, I would dread hearing the *ding* from my email telling me a new comment was in. Was it going to say how awful I was? That B should find a new wife? That I needed therapy? That I’m not fit to raise dogs, let alone children? (all actual comments). And maybe maaaaaaaybe I could handle the comments. But what I hate the thought of is my parents reading these comments, B’s parents, our aunts, uncles, cousins, friends and maybe one day my own children. I would hate to see a barrage of angry people attacking MY mother too.

So what do I do from here? Stop blogging all together? The blog is such a big part of who I am and so many people email me daily saying how their kid sleeps better now because of something I wrote, or their pregnancy sucks and they know they aren’t alone, or they have post partum depression and know that it’s ok. That to me makes me do my best to suck it up and forge ahead.

Do I stop blogging about my children? Not all together. But I will maybe be a little more selective about what I say to the world. I still think 38 people read this blog and it’s just not the case anymore.

I can’t change the world. I can’t change every person that reads this blog. But in this very moment, I can put a little positivity into all of us.


I’m giving away the most coveted, hard to get baby item out there. THE LITTLE HIPSQUEAKS HEADBAND.

Not just one, but two.


With matching shorts.

I know, you’re all….how does that make any impact on anything at all ever?

Well, to enter the giveaway, you must leave a very special sort of comment.

I want you to think about a mother you know either personally, on tv, or even me. Think about something that the mother does that you would NEVER do. And I want you to accept her as a mother and say something positive about her.

I’ll start:

A friend of mine feeds her kid cookies, candy, cereal with bright colors and marshmallows, shit I would never DREAM of buying for my children. But her kid is happy and healthy and she is a happy mother. In reality, it probably bothers me the most because I wish I could take shortcuts and give my kids whatever they wanted to eat. I also would love to see them have that kid moment of happiness to have “treats”. She’s a good mother and we just do things differently.

Now it’s your turn. Maybe go back to the comments of a particularly hateful mommy war and find someone who really made your blood boil. Say something positive about her as a mother.

I will choose the winner from the comments.

Let’s […]

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small beings, Stuff I love, Style

My “cool” mom picks. Picked by an uncool mom. Also iiiiiit’s THE RUBY SHOW!

August 18, 2013

When I was asked to do the Dawn show, I was asked to bring along my favorite “cool mom picks”. I wasn’t sure if that meant that it had to be picked by a “cool mom” or just cool stuff picked by a regular mom. I was hoping it was the 2nd option because I am not cool. The girl who put wigs on her cat? That girl was cool. I pee in my spanx and watch science shows.


Anyway, I took it seriously. I’m all, shit I need to bring some cool stuff. So I asked a lot of you for companies that you love and I scoured through them all to find the best. Some are old favorites that I had to share and some are new discoveries. At Dawn, they were all, do you think you can talk for a WHOLE 10 minutes about this stuff? (Like worried I wouldn’t have enough to say) I was like, duh I can talk forever, especially about ghosts and black holes. They stared at me for a good 30 seconds after that. then I was like, um, not that we’re talking about that. THAT would be so weird! (awkward laugh).

So when I talked for 28 minutes and a half, I didn’t get to tell you guys about like half of the cool stuff I found. Also I wanted these companies to have some air time. Even if my blog isn’t as big as tv.

None of these companies paid me in anything other than the merch that you see. And that will be donated to a cleft lip/palette little boy. And Ruby will prob keep the dresses. Just saying…

So a few of you asked me to see more of the stuff. So here it is. Some really awesome Stuffs I Like. The link is the picture itself. Oh, and a special surprise at the end.

Boba Air bobairI love love love this carrier. Not only because it folds up into it’s own little bag, but because it’s waterproof. And you know the best place for it? The BABY POOL WITH A TODDLER. Seriously. Your hands are free to save superman from drowning. And you can get super baby totally wet. Best idea, right? Buggy Bench: buggy bench Seriously, when I was preg with G. One of my biggest fears was the grocery store. I figured I’d wear Ruby and put G in the cart, but what about when Ruby was too big and G was too insane? Like the insane type that sprints across the store because we NEED coffee filters to be worn as hats RIGHT NOW. I am a big fan of restraints. This was the answer. SUCH a good idea. ciao baby: ciao baby

We’ve been on a few trips with G where we had to bring an eating device. We tried the kind that hooked onto tables (didn’t work at flimsy plastic tables), we tried regular regular high chairs that took up a ton of space in the trunk and then you guys told me about this. So simple and awesome and wipedownable. Love it. I can’t wait to perch Ruby at her first tailgate.

Little Green Pouch:

green pouch

To be fair, I’m totally jealous of these guys. I submitted a design for this sort of thing to be “invented”. Then I could say I was an “inventor”. Then I could be on shark tank. That’s really all I ever want in life anyway. But these guys beat me to it. And we use the pouches every day. Great to fill with all kinds of secret healthy stuff.

BlaBla Dolls:


Ruby takes her monthly picture with these. They are pricey but special. You can tell by the feel of them. They will last forever.

Pumpin Pals:

pumpinComfort800titleWObook250squareeNow that I’m pumping every 2 hours and every 3 through the night, these things are a life saver. You can actually lean back while using them! They hook on to the flange part and help produce more milk. Great great super. Charlie Dog and friends: charlie dog Based on real-life animal shelter pets, the plush dogs and cats come with a hang tag that describes the real-life pet, and the animal shelter or rescue that benefits from sales.  Each purchase of a full-size pet triggers a $5.00 donation to the shelter from which the real-life pet came. Such a cute and beneficial idea. The animals are super soft too. growing up wild: growing up wild

If you want to be over the top green, this company is your best friend. Because they don’t just use organic fabrics, they use every last scrap of fabric, they walk to ship the stuff and it’s all pre washed in Charlie’s soap. It’s also cute as balls. Baby balls.

salt city emporium:

salt city

They use interlock knit (??) that has been constructed out of 100% organic cotton, with earth friendly inks. But really, the stuff is just cool looking. If you’re one of those people who wants your baby to not be dressed like every other gap or old navy baby (cough cough, us), then this jam is for you. It’s hotness.

Little Hipsqueaks:


You guys know that this place is my fave. I love working with them and it’s Ruby’s real favorite. The quality of the fabrics are super. and the designs are so cute your face dies 100 times. This is my headband resource. But they sell out in hours after […]

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Mommas, Stuff I love, Style

The best skinny jeans for the non-skinny post baby body. i.e. me, after baby #2 and 40lbs of coconut product.

January 31, 2013
slider 5

This post is the most important post in the history of all time.

Because what it’s more important than jeans?



See, after baby#2, this little old body of mine is like screw you bitch. I’m tired. And fat. And I like it that way. Except I don’t like it that way. I’ve been on the Paleo diet for almost a month now and due to my insane crutch of eating bags of nuts and every coconut product that a coconut could ever produce (there are like 58), I’m gaining weight. GAINING WEIGHT. How do I know this? Because I had the awesome responsibility of getting measured for a bridesmaid dress. Which is worse than weighing yourself on a scale. It’s numbers that tell you how much earth you take up. And then a week later, the numbers were bigger. And I died. So we’re working on fixing that asap.

In the mean time, a girl has to wear jeans. And I’m super qualified to help all the post pregs find jeans since my body looks like a half empty roll of toothpaste. Before we get into the grit of it all, I’m going to explain my body to you so you can understand if this can help you.



Yes that’s me. I also have a Ihateeverything look on my face for good reason. I remember when Kendra Wilkinson said that she could feel her uterus pushing out her stomach, I thought, please bitch, that’s some excuse. But I swear I feel it. It’s giving me a big pouchy belly. I have a longer torso with short legs so in general I need jeans that have a higher rise so they don’t push my side fat all over the jeans. But my legs are petite and I’m overall a pretty small person, so when I go up a size, the waist fits, but the legs are too big. I know, disgusting. So this was my challenge.

I posted on facebook to everyone to recommend your best skinny jeans to me. I normally am not a skinny jean fan, but with my new disgusting body, it’s works. In a disgusting way. I received almost 300 comments. Super. I went through them all. My criteria was this:

1) affordable. I do not plan on being this size for long. HEAR THAT BODY? But I did try a few pricier ones just to compare

2) dark color to make me fade into the dark dark night of skinniness

3) super skinny with some stretch

4) a mid to high rise to tuck away all the bullshit

I made a pinterest page categorizing all of the recommendations. Then I got a very very special day where B stayed home with the kiddos and I went on a damn MISSION to the mall. There was sweat involved.

**NOTE** I do not have the time or ability to do a full denim photoshoot on my toilet. I tried and then a baby cried and a toddler pooped and it was all over. I got one picture.

I started with some of the cheaper and less likely options


Ann Taylor Loft is the supplier of these seemingly cute jeans (Modern Skinny). Cute right? Dark, skinny, stretchy, mid rise. And what I like about general mall type stores is that the sizing always makes you feel way skinnier than you are to appeal to fat america. I bite. Loft had a 50% off sale so I ordered these.


I should say that I saw these on a friend and they were cute. This is what they looked like on me


I can’t even believe I just put that picture on the internet with my slow face and beast butch outfit. Regardless, you needed to see the FALACY that is Ann Taylor Loft. BAD. Now I should say that I have heard the legging jeans are better. This I may try. But these friends. No. Just no. Next.

Another American Standard. THE GAP. I’ve been impressed with their jeans lately. They usually do stretch out but without paying 200 dollars, you’re going to get that.

I tried these:


This is the Gap legging jean. Note, it is not the super stretch. We’ll get to that. These I liked. The rise was perfecto. I did order 1 size bigger than I normally wear pre-preg, but it wasn’t THREE sizes bigger so that’s a win. I did not order the short or petite, which you would think I should since I’m 5’2”. But in both, the rise is shorter and hits the handles in a vomit spot. The regular was perfecto. I KEPT THESE AND I’M HAPPY WITH THEM.

I did also try these


These are the same jeans as above but with Super Stretch. Very cute, seemingly good fitting. But halfway through the day they literally fall down my ass and I’m pulling them up like a diaper wearing mental patient. Cute but annoying. For my body, it’s a no.

Levi’s Juniors 535 Super Skinny Denim Legging Good old American Levi’s. Sold on Amazon. That’s always a bonus. I emailed the mom jean guru herself at Aint No Mom Jeans and asked her opinion and she suggested these.


Ok these were sitting in my mailbox as I was writing this post. I threw on my […]

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(helpless) Dads, Mommas, Stuff I love

Stuff B wants! (What to buy your “i don’t want anything ever” man person)

December 10, 2012

And the winner of the Tee shirt quilt is:

Sarah Macon

#1. That is why I don’t have 2 kids.
#2. We have that alarm clock and it is awesome. She is bed bound until 8am.
#3. Train tables are awesome but we have no room left in our house due to kid shit taking over.
#4. I need to win. I favorited that bad ass t-shirt quilt.
That is all.

Sarah, email me at modgblog at gmail dot com to set it up. And for the rest of you, use the code MODGYOURFACE to get 25% off a quilt. Order must be placed in the month of December.


Welcome to the one post that I dread writing most every year. Stuff B Wants is like pulling teeth. You can see the post from last year that I said pretty much the same thing. Oh you can also see from last year that many of these gifts are repeats. Because 1)boys are boring and 2)B never gets anything for himself. One of those is sad. Feel free to buy something for B and make the sad face go away.

Here is my annual disclaimer if you are looking for a gift for your man person and found yourself here (I’m sorry). B likes sports, beer and man things. He does not know what AG jeans are. He does not wear any sort of wrist decoration. His “fancy” sunglasses are Oakley and you will not find him in da club. Like ever. If that sounds like your man person, let’s do this.


What do you know. A drill. Is it the same drill from last year’s list? Almost. It’s just the newer model. Every time I ask B what he wants, this is the first thing he says. I don’t know WHAT on earth he is drilling (that’s what she said). But apparently it’s something that is very far away from outlets. It MUST be wireless he says. So if your male has a drill and it has a wire, maybe he wants this? B says so.

Ok this one is being posted by popular request. Many of you have actually told me that this underwear changed your male’s life (sounds like I’m talking about a cat when I keep saying male). B is very proud of this fact. This underwear comes in a plastic package and you can get it at walmart. Probably even the grocery store. We roll fancy around here. We also never say roll. I also sort of just wanted to post this picture.

B is 6’4” and broad. Nothing fits him. NOTHING. It drives everyone crazy who tries to buy him something ever. Either the sleeves are too short or the length shrinks or the arm holes are too narrow. Whatever. It’s a pain. J.Crew tall seems to be the only one that gets it right. Because B is not really BIG and tall. Just tall. This is getting uncomfortable. Whatever. J.Crew does the job.

I know, you’re like…”please MODG. B? Wants a slow cooker?” Let me tell you something. Without said slow cooker (and without said Pinterest) B would not eat. So yes, B wants a slow cooker. The problem with ours is that on the lowest setting it cooks very hot. This one you can set the temperature manually and check the temperature of your meat with the included thermometer. Or it can just shut off at the right temp. It’s genius and not that expensive. We …I mean B, wants this.

OMG, if I have to hear about the Nest thermostat one more time. B says, Nest is advertising on ESPN! B says, Lowes is having a super special on Nest. B says, Nest is really everywhere. This is probably his number 1 gift. Why? It saves you money. And that my friends, is all any regular dude wants. To save money. For those of you who don’t know, this thermostat is made by the smarties from Apple. It learns your behavior in a creepy cool robot sort of way and adjusts temperature to your behavior. It prints our reports, it makes suggestions, it wipes your butt. It’s awesome, I have to agree. NEST NEST NEST for president!

B wants ….ok I can’t do it this time. I want an immersion blender and forgot to put it on my list. It comes in pink. Enough said.

B got a Sonicare toothbrush from his dentist friend when we first started dating. Um, like 10 years ago. It’s probably his number 1 favorite gift ever. B has good teeth though so maybe he’s on to something. Finally he needs a new one. Probably because he changed the brush head like twice in 2 years. Apparently they are “pricey”.

Ok you sold us. MANY of you told us […]

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knocked up, Stuff I love, Style

IT’S HERE: Stuff I Like (Holiday Edition II)

December 4, 2012

Hello and welcome to the 2nd holiday edition of “Stuff I Like”. I also call this, the time where I pretend to be Ellen/Oprah (Elrah) and you pretend to care. It’s a great time of the year.

In this series, I do a post on the stuff I want, stuff B wants and stuff the kids wants. It helps you buy gifts and spend your money carelessly. That’s what friends are for.

I’m starting with my list and I feel the need to share this disclaimer: I have been pregnant for 43 years, I haven’t put on non pajamas in 3 weeks, my dark circles match my hair color and I really couldn’t tell you anything happening in the world that E news isn’t reporting. With that being said, my list may reflect my current state of being. Gone are the days where I’m posting the cutest Marc Jacobs bag and now I’m posting a waterproof diaper bag and food processor. Apologies to cool people everywhere.

Here we go. Remember, click on the picture for the link to the product: Hue Women’s Perfect Fit Leggings.

I know this picture is small. Click on it for the bigness. These leggings (I’m told) are the best for post pregs. They have a wide waistband and come up high enough to suck in your sag parts. And let’s be honest, I clearly haven’t worn enough leggings in the past 9 months, so I need MORE MORE MORE LEGGINGS. Right now I care about being comfortable and not a heinous beast. Ok, 1 out of 2 isn’t bad. Also: CHEAP. Get them, thank me.

Longchamp expandable travel bag (big ass diaper bag)

Oh lovely expandable waterproof diaper bag. How I long for you. My super cute leather bag isn’t cutting it anymore. It’s a super bag, but for the likes of 2 kids in cloth diapers who need shit like bananas and bibs, I need this. I keep posting it hoping that some benefactor out there will gift it to me because they want to. That stuff happens right? I mean in our lives, the cost of this is totally not realistic for a diaper bag. But I can dream. And the richies out there can get it and rub it in my face.

Bach Flower Remedies

You’ve heard me talk about Bach Rescue Remedy before. Bach has many many “remedies” as the fancy homeopathic people call them. They are essences that cure ailments. For example, I’m taking the Mustard remedy now  to “bring back joy and cheerfulness when gloom descends for no obvious reason” i.e. post partum depression. I love how specific the descriptions are on the remedies. They are also super beautiful little tiny magic bottles. I feel like a cobbler in 1765 with my remedies. If I really had my super gifting ways, I’d love the whole set and run a homeopathic business in my front yard. Lemonade stand style. And if you want to get funny about it, get this set for your favorite frienemy. Be all, “I really thought you could use this…”

You can look up ailments here

That is one tiny sexy pumper. Note to self: Take picture in your self pumping bra, naked, with hand on hip and seductive face. Use as facebook profile pic. So yeah, I look at stuff like this on my own wants list and sigh. My life is so far from “martinis”. But dudes, I really want this. Do you know what an ass pain it is to hold the pumps at your boobs while you pump? You can do all sorts of things with this. Pump and ride a horse! Pump and pave your driveway! Pump and Britney dance with a snake around your neck! The options are limitless. Also, pump and take awkward pictures.

One of you guys clued me into this on the MODG facebook page. This is the coolest. It’s a memory card for your camera that has built in wi-fi. So you can upload directly to your computer, or facebook, or twitter, or porn sites in a flash. Also I felt so smart when I told B about this and I knew about it before he did. Thank you MODG readers for making me smart. This is a very cool gift for anyone with a camera.

Let’s chalk this up to the “gifts I’ll never get, but will talk a lot about wanting” category. Oh MacBook Pro. You should be mine. See, I hate ipads. I know, kill me society. But I’m a “writer” (heavy on the quotes), so I like to type. And any “writer” knows that typing on anything touch screen is for baboons. I assume the proper posture that I learned in 1994 typing class and I play dork games like Type Racer. So I want want want a macbook. And don’t give me any of that netbook BS. I have one and I want to throw it at someone’s head. Mainly Taylor Swift.


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knocked up, Mommas, Stuff I love

You’re invited to my last pregnant moments in a dress. I photoshopped out my nipples. You’re welcome.

October 7, 2012

Yesterday was the last warm day in Philadelphia for a long long time. I consider this the sun setting on my freedom. However yesterday was happy for another reason because IT WAS THE DAY OF MAH SPRANKLE.



Yes you are correct. You see glitter pumpkins and candy. I could have died in a corner covered in crumbs and been happy. But I know you do not give 7 shits about my cupcakes. You want to see what I wore. Because I only made the biggest deal about it since that stupid Kardashian shoe club.

That is me. In the grass. In my slutty preg outfit. Complete with outie belly button and nipples photshopped out. My body looks like the face of a surprised asian girl. And you can’t see the shoes but they are leopard flats. To be fair to fashion, I started the day out in black leather ankle booties. That lasted 30 seconds. Literally. I came in and threw on those flats right away.

In terms of my rental dresses, I ended up returning the blue and the red and keeping the gray and the green. Which one got the final rose, was a last minute call. But I’m happy with my choice. I liked that my boobs weren’t in everyone’s face. And I’m proud of that gigando bump. Although I was asked if I was having twins. I chose not to choke her though.

The jewelry was a tough call. I rented a bunch from Rent the Runway with mah points. I wore none of it. Instead I got this gem from Bauble Bar. Their jewelry is cute and not expensive. Although it’s not ALL like super Kate Middleton quality. It’s more like Nicki Minaj quality. Which I’m ok with.

The sprinkle itself was great. We kept it really small and only invited people who I really wanted to be there. Also I have 7 friends total. So that idea worked out great. But my favorite part of the shower was my regular strength friends colliding with my hippie friends. I’ll show you some of the differences.


Non hippie gift.

Handmade hippie gifts.

Yes, I cried. 30 times. The hippies also gave me more cloth diapers and handmade jewelry with Yoshe’s birthstone and a card detailing the  magical powers that the stones will give us. Everyone was really jealous that they didn’t have hippie friends of their own.

We also painted onesies.

Non hippie onesie.


Hippie onesie.


Really, I can’t lose.

And now some more pictures just because I’ll never look like this again. EVER. Note to shower attendees: pictures here were chosen solely based on how good I looked in them.


Scrubs for G! Do you die? Get them here

And yes, this also made me cry. Because of the matching onesie that says “You make me happy when skies are gray”. (secret: B cried too when he saw it). Get it here

And that’s it friends. My last “thing”  until Yoshe shows her face in my lady parts. The countdown is on. We are at 5 weeks as of today. Thanks for virtually attending mah sprankle. Your presence did not go unnoticed.


massive modg

this also happened.


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