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Mommas, Stuff I love, Style

The best skinny jeans for the non-skinny post baby body. i.e. me, after baby #2 and 40lbs of coconut product.

January 31, 2013
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This post is the most important post in the history of all time.

Because what it’s more important than jeans?



See, after baby#2, this little old body of mine is like screw you bitch. I’m tired. And fat. And I like it that way. Except I don’t like it that way. I’ve been on the Paleo diet for almost a month now and due to my insane crutch of eating bags of nuts and every coconut product that a coconut could ever produce (there are like 58), I’m gaining weight. GAINING WEIGHT. How do I know this? Because I had the awesome responsibility of getting measured for a bridesmaid dress. Which is worse than weighing yourself on a scale. It’s numbers that tell you how much earth you take up. And then a week later, the numbers were bigger. And I died. So we’re working on fixing that asap.

In the mean time, a girl has to wear jeans. And I’m super qualified to help all the post pregs find jeans since my body looks like a half empty roll of toothpaste. Before we get into the grit of it all, I’m going to explain my body to you so you can understand if this can help you.



Yes that’s me. I also have a Ihateeverything look on my face for good reason. I remember when Kendra Wilkinson said that she could feel her uterus pushing out her stomach, I thought, please bitch, that’s some excuse. But I swear I feel it. It’s giving me a big pouchy belly. I have a longer torso with short legs so in general I need jeans that have a higher rise so they don’t push my side fat all over the jeans. But my legs are petite and I’m overall a pretty small person, so when I go up a size, the waist fits, but the legs are too big. I know, disgusting. So this was my challenge.

I posted on facebook to everyone to recommend your best skinny jeans to me. I normally am not a skinny jean fan, but with my new disgusting body, it’s works. In a disgusting way. I received almost 300 comments. Super. I went through them all. My criteria was this:

1) affordable. I do not plan on being this size for long. HEAR THAT BODY? But I did try a few pricier ones just to compare

2) dark color to make me fade into the dark dark night of skinniness

3) super skinny with some stretch

4) a mid to high rise to tuck away all the bullshit

I made a pinterest page categorizing all of the recommendations. Then I got a very very special day where B stayed home with the kiddos and I went on a damn MISSION to the mall. There was sweat involved.

**NOTE** I do not have the time or ability to do a full denim photoshoot on my toilet. I tried and then a baby cried and a toddler pooped and it was all over. I got one picture.

I started with some of the cheaper and less likely options


Ann Taylor Loft is the supplier of these seemingly cute jeans (Modern Skinny). Cute right? Dark, skinny, stretchy, mid rise. And what I like about general mall type stores is that the sizing always makes you feel way skinnier than you are to appeal to fat america. I bite. Loft had a 50% off sale so I ordered these.


I should say that I saw these on a friend and they were cute. This is what they looked like on me


I can’t even believe I just put that picture on the internet with my slow face and beast butch outfit. Regardless, you needed to see the FALACY that is Ann Taylor Loft. BAD. Now I should say that I have heard the legging jeans are better. This I may try. But these friends. No. Just no. Next.

Another American Standard. THE GAP. I’ve been impressed with their jeans lately. They usually do stretch out but without paying 200 dollars, you’re going to get that.

I tried these:


This is the Gap legging jean. Note, it is not the super stretch. We’ll get to that. These I liked. The rise was perfecto. I did order 1 size bigger than I normally wear pre-preg, but it wasn’t THREE sizes bigger so that’s a win. I did not order the short or petite, which you would think I should since I’m 5’2”. But in both, the rise is shorter and hits the handles in a vomit spot. The regular was perfecto. I KEPT THESE AND I’M HAPPY WITH THEM.

I did also try these


These are the same jeans as above but with Super Stretch. Very cute, seemingly good fitting. But halfway through the day they literally fall down my ass and I’m pulling them up like a diaper wearing mental patient. Cute but annoying. For my body, it’s a no.

Levi’s Juniors 535 Super Skinny Denim Legging
Good old American Levi’s. Sold on Amazon. That’s always a bonus. I emailed the mom jean guru herself at Aint No Mom Jeans and asked her opinion and she suggested these.


Ok these were sitting in my mailbox as I was writing this post. I threw on my hot pink slippers and pea coat and ran in the freezing wind to get them. I threw them on and immediately thought, too small. kill myself. But I kept going. And you know what? I like them. A lot. They are “jeanier” than a lot of the legging jeans I’ve tried. I wish the rise was a little higher but I think they will stretch a bit. I will say that they are junior’s sizing which is AWFUL. I ordered 3 sizes bigger and should have gotten 4 sizes. I know. But I’m going to keep them and rock them.



These are the BDG jeans that are carried at Urban Outfitters. I didn’t get to try them this time around but I do have a pair and I like them. They aren’t my “current” size right now but the rise is good and I’d try them again. Price is great too. I’d go a size up in these though.


Oh JCrew. Once upon a time we were friends. No longer. The toothpick and matchstick jeans were recommended to me and were a giant frump fail. I looked like a mom on a mission. A mission to be disgusting. I tried on all the jeans in the store. Some jeans, when you size up just doesn’t work on the rest of you. J.Crew falls into this sad sad category.


I’m SO sick of everyone being all “Old Navy ROCKSTAR jeans are the bestest best ever”. No. No they are not. They are SO low rise I wanted to vomit. I tried all colors, shapes, etc. These are so bad (for me) I wanted to cry/die. I also tried their other shapes, flirty curvy, swirly, twirly, who can keep up with the lame names. They were all a no for this post preg.

Other recommendations on the cheap that I didn’t get to try:

American Eagle  Hi Rise Super Skinny (I was afraid to go in, everyone was 15 in there)

Target  Denizen Mid Rise Skinny (they didn’t have them online and I can’t go into a store without a baby strapped to my body)

Victoria’s Secret siren mid rise skinny. Eh, I just didn’t.

Now let’s talk about some of the higher end options. In another child-less life, I had a high paying job and could buy nice clothes. So I believe there is nothing in the world like expensive jeans. They do things for your body that no other clothing item can (Spanx excluded). Not too long ago I received a 100 dollar gift card to Nordstroms from a reader. I KNOW?!?! So I got in the car, left my pride at home and tried some of these fat sluggers on.



Hudson mid rise “Nico”. Ugh expensive jeans. You are so good yet hurt me so bad. See, these people don’t need to cater to fat America so their sizing is more “true”. I like to call it more “lies” but it’s true. I had to go up THREE sizes to get them to even fit. And then they were bag sag in the legs. For me, it was a no go. For someone cuter than me, a good jean.


These are the AG Jeans in super skinny stretch. They fit more like a legging. I went  up 1 size AND 2 sizes and both fit. That’s how you know you’ve got some pajama jeans on your hands (good thing). I really really liked these. They came up perfectly in the rise and hugged my legs and butt. I was realizing that I needed more of a legging jean in general and less of a skinny jean. The legging jeans were giving me the stretch I wanted to not squeeze the belly but also to be tight enough on my legs to make me look small under my giant potato sack sweaters.  I didn’t buy these because they were so expensive BUT I WANTED TO. OH I WANTED TO.



Joe’s Skinny Leg “Marty”. Nope. Not cute. Not skinny enough. Not stretchy enough. Too tight in the waist, too big in the legs. Same old BULLSHIT. Screw you Joe and your “jeans”.

Others I tried to find but they didn’t have in the store

J Brand Mid Rise (also recommended from Aint No Mom Jeans)

Paige Skyline. I think these would have been great. I’m a Paige fan in general

Articles of Society “Mya” jeans. These are sold in the junior’s department. I just couldn’t.

So my conclusion for those of you who may have a similar body type and are dealing with post partum fats. Get yourself the stretchiest legging jean you can find (i.e. leggings). Remember how leggings were good when you were preg? Same idea, except JEANS.

My top low end recommendation: Gap Legging Jean with the Levi’s 535s
as a close back up.

My top high end recommendation: AG super skinny Jean (Glendon)

But I do think that any jean with the word “legging” in it with a super high amount of stretch and a mid rise, will do the job. What do you think? Are there any that I missed that I HAVE to try?

Apologies from my toilet. She sends regards.



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(helpless) Dads, Mommas, Stuff I love

Stuff B wants! (What to buy your “i don’t want anything ever” man person)

December 10, 2012

And the winner of the Tee shirt quilt is:

Sarah Macon

#1. That is why I don’t have 2 kids.
#2. We have that alarm clock and it is awesome. She is bed bound until 8am.
#3. Train tables are awesome but we have no room left in our house due to kid shit taking over.
#4. I need to win. I favorited that bad ass t-shirt quilt.
That is all.

Sarah, email me at modgblog at gmail dot com to set it up. And for the rest of you, use the code MODGYOURFACE to get 25% off a quilt. Order must be placed in the month of December.


Welcome to the one post that I dread writing most every year. Stuff B Wants is like pulling teeth. You can see the post from last year that I said pretty much the same thing. Oh you can also see from last year that many of these gifts are repeats. Because 1)boys are boring and 2)B never gets anything for himself. One of those is sad. Feel free to buy something for B and make the sad face go away.

Here is my annual disclaimer if you are looking for a gift for your man person and found yourself here (I’m sorry). B likes sports, beer and man things. He does not know what AG jeans are. He does not wear any sort of wrist decoration. His “fancy” sunglasses are Oakley and you will not find him in da club. Like ever. If that sounds like your man person, let’s do this.


What do you know. A drill. Is it the same drill from last year’s list? Almost. It’s just the newer model. Every time I ask B what he wants, this is the first thing he says. I don’t know WHAT on earth he is drilling (that’s what she said). But apparently it’s something that is very far away from outlets. It MUST be wireless he says. So if your male has a drill and it has a wire, maybe he wants this? B says so.

Ok this one is being posted by popular request. Many of you have actually told me that this underwear changed your male’s life (sounds like I’m talking about a cat when I keep saying male). B is very proud of this fact. This underwear comes in a plastic package and you can get it at walmart. Probably even the grocery store. We roll fancy around here. We also never say roll. I also sort of just wanted to post this picture.

B is 6’4” and broad. Nothing fits him. NOTHING. It drives everyone crazy who tries to buy him something ever. Either the sleeves are too short or the length shrinks or the arm holes are too narrow. Whatever. It’s a pain. J.Crew tall seems to be the only one that gets it right. Because B is not really BIG and tall. Just tall. This is getting uncomfortable. Whatever. J.Crew does the job.

I know, you’re like…”please MODG. B? Wants a slow cooker?” Let me tell you something. Without said slow cooker (and without said Pinterest) B would not eat. So yes, B wants a slow cooker. The problem with ours is that on the lowest setting it cooks very hot. This one you can set the temperature manually and check the temperature of your meat with the included thermometer. Or it can just shut off at the right temp. It’s genius and not that expensive. We …I mean B, wants this.

OMG, if I have to hear about the Nest thermostat one more time. B says, Nest is advertising on ESPN! B says, Lowes is having a super special on Nest. B says, Nest is really everywhere. This is probably his number 1 gift. Why? It saves you money. And that my friends, is all any regular dude wants. To save money. For those of you who don’t know, this thermostat is made by the smarties from Apple. It learns your behavior in a creepy cool robot sort of way and adjusts temperature to your behavior. It prints our reports, it makes suggestions, it wipes your butt. It’s awesome, I have to agree. NEST NEST NEST for president!

B wants ….ok I can’t do it this time. I want an immersion blender and forgot to put it on my list. It comes in pink. Enough said.

B got a Sonicare toothbrush from his dentist friend when we first started dating. Um, like 10 years ago. It’s probably his number 1 favorite gift ever. B has good teeth though so maybe he’s on to something. Finally he needs a new one. Probably because he changed the brush head like twice in 2 years. Apparently they are “pricey”.

Ok you sold us. MANY of you told us to tell our Magic Bullet to beat it and get on board with the NINJA! HI YA! I’ll be honest, things with the name ninja always get me. B makes a smoothie like daily and he’s on board too. NINJA FOR THE WIN

Ok this is almost 300 dollars. B doesn’t know he wants it, which is good since he’s not getting it. But I promise you, he wants it. It’s the whiskey advent calendar! For your favorite drunk! Shoot down a bottle of whiskey every day until Christmas to erase the pain of your life. Happy holidays!

 and there you have it. Love it or hate it, this is really B’s list. I don’t try and get all creative and fancy with these lists, I just show you what we actually want or are giving. I hope this helps make your holidays a little less stabby this year.

Operation WANA is SO close. Hang tight everyone.




Your man gift referral list was brought to you by the awesome geniuses at Turning Art. This is seriously the coolest gift that I would LOVE to get. Can I tell you how many times I’ve gone to buy art for my house and had to get it framed for a billion dollars or go buy a dumb Ikea frame that fits nothing and 3 months later hang it only to hate it? This service starts at 10 bucks a month and let’s you rotate REAL grownup art in your house ..FRAMED! When you find something you like you can buy it at a discount. Or you can keep switching it up. I’m giving this as a gift to someone for 3 months (30 dollars total). It’s so creative. And shipping is free. Have I said I love this yet?

Turning Art is giving away a free 6 month membership. One great way to take advantage of a membership is to use it with your kids and teach them about art. Check out some Whimsical pieces and post your favorite here to enter to win. Winner will be posted next post.

And the winner of the Tee shirt quilt is: Sarah Macon #1. That is why I don’t have 2…

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knocked up, Stuff I love, Style

IT’S HERE: Stuff I Like (Holiday Edition II)

December 4, 2012

Hello and welcome to the 2nd holiday edition of “Stuff I Like”. I also call this, the time where I pretend to be Ellen/Oprah (Elrah) and you pretend to care. It’s a great time of the year.

In this series, I do a post on the stuff I want, stuff B wants and stuff the kids wants. It helps you buy gifts and spend your money carelessly. That’s what friends are for.

I’m starting with my list and I feel the need to share this disclaimer: I have been pregnant for 43 years, I haven’t put on non pajamas in 3 weeks, my dark circles match my hair color and I really couldn’t tell you anything happening in the world that E news isn’t reporting. With that being said, my list may reflect my current state of being. Gone are the days where I’m posting the cutest Marc Jacobs bag and now I’m posting a waterproof diaper bag and food processor. Apologies to cool people everywhere.

Here we go. Remember, click on the picture for the link to the product:
Hue Women’s Perfect Fit Leggings.

I know this picture is small. Click on it for the bigness. These leggings (I’m told) are the best for post pregs. They have a wide waistband and come up high enough to suck in your sag parts. And let’s be honest, I clearly haven’t worn enough leggings in the past 9 months, so I need MORE MORE MORE LEGGINGS. Right now I care about being comfortable and not a heinous beast. Ok, 1 out of 2 isn’t bad. Also: CHEAP. Get them, thank me.

Longchamp expandable travel bag (big ass diaper bag)

Oh lovely expandable waterproof diaper bag. How I long for you. My super cute leather bag isn’t cutting it anymore. It’s a super bag, but for the likes of 2 kids in cloth diapers who need shit like bananas and bibs, I need this. I keep posting it hoping that some benefactor out there will gift it to me because they want to. That stuff happens right? I mean in our lives, the cost of this is totally not realistic for a diaper bag. But I can dream. And the richies out there can get it and rub it in my face.

Bach Flower Remedies

You’ve heard me talk about Bach Rescue Remedy before. Bach has many many “remedies” as the fancy homeopathic people call them. They are essences that cure ailments. For example, I’m taking the Mustard remedy now  to “bring back joy and cheerfulness when gloom descends for no obvious reason” i.e. post partum depression. I love how specific the descriptions are on the remedies. They are also super beautiful little tiny magic bottles. I feel like a cobbler in 1765 with my remedies. If I really had my super gifting ways, I’d love the whole set and run a homeopathic business in my front yard. Lemonade stand style. And if you want to get funny about it, get this set for your favorite frienemy. Be all, “I really thought you could use this…”

You can look up ailments here

That is one tiny sexy pumper. Note to self: Take picture in your self pumping bra, naked, with hand on hip and seductive face. Use as facebook profile pic. So yeah, I look at stuff like this on my own wants list and sigh. My life is so far from “martinis”. But dudes, I really want this. Do you know what an ass pain it is to hold the pumps at your boobs while you pump? You can do all sorts of things with this. Pump and ride a horse! Pump and pave your driveway! Pump and Britney dance with a snake around your neck! The options are limitless. Also, pump and take awkward pictures.

One of you guys clued me into this on the MODG facebook page. This is the coolest. It’s a memory card for your camera that has built in wi-fi. So you can upload directly to your computer, or facebook, or twitter, or porn sites in a flash. Also I felt so smart when I told B about this and I knew about it before he did. Thank you MODG readers for making me smart. This is a very cool gift for anyone with a camera.

Let’s chalk this up to the “gifts I’ll never get, but will talk a lot about wanting” category. Oh MacBook Pro. You should be mine. See, I hate ipads. I know, kill me society. But I’m a “writer” (heavy on the quotes), so I like to type. And any “writer” knows that typing on anything touch screen is for baboons. I assume the proper posture that I learned in 1994 typing class and I play dork games like Type Racer. So I want want want a macbook. And don’t give me any of that netbook BS. I have one and I want to throw it at someone’s head. Mainly Taylor Swift.



Dudes, my Magic Bullet finally broke.  I think there are like 9 sex toys out there with the same name, but I’m talking food processor. I’ve had mine for TEN years. I’ve had NOTHING for ten years. This thing is closer to me than my cats. I finally broke the damn thing trying to process dates for some homemade Larabars. I’m an asshole. You can buy them at trader joe’s. Whatever. I want a new one like yesterday. If you don’t have one, buy one RIGHT NOW SERIOUSLY DO IT. It will change your life forever. We use ours like twice a day.

As any good hippie, I have classic Toms. I love them more than bacon. Now I’m an advanced hippie and I need advanced Toms. I like these. I like the alien green color and the stitching. But I’m open to other wild Toms. They are the perfect throwing on running out the door shoe and look normal with everything. I say normal because looking “good” is something at this point in my life I’m not really striving for. Again, apologies cool people.

How cool is this? Again, for people who use their camera a lot, this is awesome. It’s such a good gift and so unique and awesome. This is a camera strap. I guess I should have said that. It’s not a horse bit. Or leather whipping tool. Camera strap. That’s all. Love it. Want it.

Finally, what modern mother would be complete without initial necklaces of her kid’s names? Obviously I need a G and an R. I’ll tell people it’s for Grave Robber. This Etsy seller does them cute and cheap.

sorry there is the link…

And there you have it friends. My super list. Use it and go forth. Those who will like my items may fall into the following categories:

New mom

Fake Hippie

Old mom

Bored mom

Needs more hobbies mom


My favorite part of these lists though is the comments. So please leave in the comments any awesome items that you are wanting this holiday. Then I can claim it as my own.

Next up is the toddler list. Hold on to your wallets people (B).




The ability to write this post and not (yet) declare bankruptcy was brought to you by the super cuteness at Gigi Hill. I really am wanting this and this right now. You know, for all of my fanciness that I’m doing these days. I didn’t know about this company until they started advertising with me but they have awesome bags and luggage that aren’t balls expensive. Which is definitely my biggest qualifier these days.


Hello and welcome to the 2nd holiday edition of “Stuff I Like”. I also call this, the time where…

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knocked up, Mommas, Stuff I love

You’re invited to my last pregnant moments in a dress. I photoshopped out my nipples. You’re welcome.

October 7, 2012

Yesterday was the last warm day in Philadelphia for a long long time. I consider this the sun setting on my freedom. However yesterday was happy for another reason because IT WAS THE DAY OF MAH SPRANKLE.



Yes you are correct. You see glitter pumpkins and candy. I could have died in a corner covered in crumbs and been happy. But I know you do not give 7 shits about my cupcakes. You want to see what I wore. Because I only made the biggest deal about it since that stupid Kardashian shoe club.

That is me. In the grass. In my slutty preg outfit. Complete with outie belly button and nipples photshopped out. My body looks like the face of a surprised asian girl. And you can’t see the shoes but they are leopard flats. To be fair to fashion, I started the day out in black leather ankle booties. That lasted 30 seconds. Literally. I came in and threw on those flats right away.

In terms of my rental dresses, I ended up returning the blue and the red and keeping the gray and the green. Which one got the final rose, was a last minute call. But I’m happy with my choice. I liked that my boobs weren’t in everyone’s face. And I’m proud of that gigando bump. Although I was asked if I was having twins. I chose not to choke her though.

The jewelry was a tough call. I rented a bunch from Rent the Runway with mah points. I wore none of it. Instead I got this gem from Bauble Bar. Their jewelry is cute and not expensive. Although it’s not ALL like super Kate Middleton quality. It’s more like Nicki Minaj quality. Which I’m ok with.

The sprinkle itself was great. We kept it really small and only invited people who I really wanted to be there. Also I have 7 friends total. So that idea worked out great. But my favorite part of the shower was my regular strength friends colliding with my hippie friends. I’ll show you some of the differences.


Non hippie gift.

Handmade hippie gifts.

Yes, I cried. 30 times. The hippies also gave me more cloth diapers and handmade jewelry with Yoshe’s birthstone and a card detailing the  magical powers that the stones will give us. Everyone was really jealous that they didn’t have hippie friends of their own.

We also painted onesies.

Non hippie onesie.


Hippie onesie.


Really, I can’t lose.

And now some more pictures just because I’ll never look like this again. EVER. Note to shower attendees: pictures here were chosen solely based on how good I looked in them.


Scrubs for G! Do you die? Get them here

And yes, this also made me cry. Because of the matching onesie that says “You make me happy when skies are gray”. (secret: B cried too when he saw it). Get it here

And that’s it friends. My last “thing”  until Yoshe shows her face in my lady parts. The countdown is on. We are at 5 weeks as of today. Thanks for virtually attending mah sprankle. Your presence did not go unnoticed.


massive modg

this also happened.


Yesterday was the last warm day in Philadelphia for a long long time. I consider this the sun setting…

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knocked up, Stuff I love

The 14 things you need to get you through the end of pregnancy. Plus a bonus sleeping Asian baby.

October 3, 2012

I don’t know why I was surprised, probably because my brain is 80% toilet water right now. But I was surprised how many of you are reading along with me, at the same stage of pregnancy as me. I mean I get it. Pregnant blogs make sense for pregs. But I did have to explain this to toilet brain.

So I thought that I’d share with you the things that were getting me through these last few months and weeks. Because this shit is real and I need real shit. Partly so I can actually shit. Partly so I can keep saying shit. This does wonders for my google ranking. Many of these things are good for non pregs too and just aspiring hippies or fatties. We’re all the same.


I’m linking a little bit different today. The picture is clickable to the link. It’s really for geniuses.


This my friends, is my numero uno favorite hippie discovery so far in my lifetime. It’s called Thieves Oil. And I mostly like it because in black plague time, grave robbers rubbed this shit on them when they stole magic crosses and rubies from graves so they wouldn’t also get the plague (THIEVES oil). I know. So smart. I love stealing ideas from criminals. Dudes, this stuff works. A few months ago during the pregnancy I got sick and I rubbed this stuff (highly diluted…one drop per teaspoon of a carrier oil like olive oil or sunflower oil) on my chest and feet. I have been known to host diseases in my body for a straight up month. Within 2 days the cold was gone. With the change of the season, I have been using it every night. Also, it smells like Christmas Santa Claus pants. It’s not cheap but I think worth every penny. Also the brand matters. You can find it cheaper but  you need a good quality oil.


Just to bump up my immunity as well I’m taking Vitamin C with Ester. I love this brand and it does the trick. The Ester is an old grandma who lives in the pill telling your body to feel better fast. She is very helpful.


And THEN my doula was like, idiot, you need vitamin D3 and then I saw the one legged lady on RHONY buy this stuff too (this brand) and I knew I needed it. For those of you calling out hypochondriac, I’ll remind you that I had a terrible flu/cold when my water broke early in my last pregnancy. I then had this cold for a month while by body tried to heal from a c-section while coughing and bruising ribs. Bite me.


I’m sorry this picture is tiny. But I like to imagine that I can put this tiny pregnant lady in my pocket and she will tell me secrets. (toilet brain). Anyway, I’ve posted this pillow before but now? THIS IS MY HUSBAND. Don’t worry, B has a body pillow too except he calls his, “his mistress”. I know, we’re F’d. Really I could never ever sleep without this thing. It is my jesus.

Many of you asked me about my go-to leggings. I have tried THEM ALL. I don’t like expensive maternity clothes so I always start with Old Navy and hated them. They tried to choke the baby out of me. These are the most comfortable. Yes they are from Pea in the Pod and yes they are 39 dollars (buy one get one 50 off now), but I promise you that they are so worth it. Anything there with the name “secret belly fit” means fatty comfy. The band comes up waaay over the belly and doesn’t dig it. It’s not overly tight and I die for them. I promise you. Worth it. Get black and gray.

I found this “dress” at Old Navy. Let’s call it what it is. Pregnant lady shirt that covers your ass. Online it’s pre-orderable but it’s in stores. I bought a large (I’m 5’2”). It’s great. Does the job, comfortable, cute and in a bigger size is like I’m so cool I wear things that fall off the shoulder. Put it with leggings, boots and a long necklace. Done. It comes in a bunch of colors. I say no to animal print though.

IF IF IF after all my nuttiness, I still get sick before delivery, I will buy this. This is a cold air oil diffuser and I will diffuse that Thieves business all over this air. Cold air diffusers are better for oils because heat breaks them down. I think I just out-hippied myself.

nap time

If I could buy more nap time on Amazon, I would. I would pay 49.99 per hour.



ok, you’re going to click on this and be like WTF Modg? An expensive square purple pillow? I hate you. Listen. If you are preg or have been preg you know what a pain in the ass it is to not be able to ever lay on your back. I learned this in yoga. You take one of these bolsters (they are very firm and special) and prop them up with 2 blocks (see below) to make the pillow lean on an angle and bam. THE MOST COMFORTABLE LAYING POSITION OF YOUR LIFE. You’re still probably like, dude, I don’t care. Get to 36 weeks and then talk to me about expensive pillows. You’ll buy 8.


Yoga blocs. One goes vertical at the top of the pillow and one is horizontal, closer to your butt.

Like this:


I’ve been “trying” to do a little bit better with my makeup and skin routine in terms of natural hippie stuff. But here’s where I’m sort of a snob. I love makeup. I love Sephora. I love anything that makes me look like an airbrushed toddler and tiara. But this stuff is good. It’s lighter, more natural, and it’s a BB cream. You know, that shit you keep hearing about and you’re like BB WHAT? It just means like tinted moisturizer that won’t murder your skin holes. It is actually supposed to make your skin better over time. And I’ve sampled them all. This is the best.

Yes it’s pricey. But I bought this stuff the day I found out that I was preg (Jurlique balancing cleanser for face) and I still have half a bottle 8 months later. It’s natural and does great things for your skin. Doesn’t strip it of oils but gets the grime and shit off. Love it. You need it. All of you.


Again, this falls into the IF I GET SICK category. Hold your vomit, this is fermented cod liver oil. I KNOW…DIE. But it is the gold standard ultimate forever winning hippie health remedy. Also it’s in a gel. Also you take it by the spoonful. You hate me. It’s ok. That’s why I’m ONLY getting this if I do get sick. It’s a million dollars but really does work. I hear that the cinnamon flavor tastes good. But I hear lots of lies all damn day.


Oh lower back pain, you asshole. It just happens when you’re preg and large. Nothing you can do. My heating pad and my body pillow makeout with each other and then we all have a 3 some. We make each other very happy.

enchiladas y nachos


And those my friends are my favorite things. Aren’t you glad I’m around now that Oprah is gone? Same but better.

As usual, share with me anything that I need to get me through these last few weeks. I’ll take what I can get.

Go forth and eat mexican.




I don’t know why I was surprised, probably because my brain is 80% toilet water right now. But I…

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Mommas, Most Popular, Stuff I love, Style

My last time on the toilet before the baby comes. No. My last time STANDING on it.

September 17, 2012

I have good friends. Real ones that don’t just live on the internet. Internet people are good too. Usually. But these people I’ve actually seen and touched. Well, not like really touched. I don’t like to touch or be touched. Ask B. He’s thrilled with that.

But my good friends are throwing me a Sprinkle. I like to call it Mah Sprankle. Do you know what a Sprankle is? It’s a little baby shower. Get it? Just a sprinkle. Yeah, I thought it was a sex thing too at first. Like that one pee episode of Sex and the City. It’s not.

I am usually very uncomfortable with parties in my honor. I have been known to find out about surprise parties and cancel them. I just feel strange with all these people there just for me. Like I should do a tap solo or something to express my gratitude. (which 6 years at Knecht Dance Acadamy could definitely allow). I know, from someone who thrives on internet attention, you’d think I’d be all over parties about me. These are the things that therapy is for.

But I am super happy and grateful to my friends for throwing Mah Sprankle. And of course, there is a fashion dilemma. Of course it’s all about renting dresses. But this time THIS TIME I have something new to present to you and you are going to shit yourself over it.

I don’t get any referral fee or points for this, which is balls because you pregs are going to be all over it. But first you help me pick a dress and then I’ll give up the info. See how that works? That’s because we’re FRIENDS.

Ok we’re choosing between 4 dresses today. Keep the following in mind:

  • Shoes and accessories are all subject to change
  • I will be a full 8 months preg at Mah Sprankle (I am 7 in these pictures)
  • Mah Sprankle is fairly casual. So regardless I’m prob going to be overdressed. Whatever. Here we go
  • Getting up onto this toilet, this preg, was no joke. It won’t be a happening again for a long LONG time.




Couple notes: I’m super afraid that I’m still going to blow up in the face and body like Bethenny did when she was preg like a month before her baby was born. It’s a REAL possibility. I met Bethenny, I was that skinny in 4th grade and never again.

I have my 2 faves but of course I asked most of my friends and got a different answer from everyone. So I need some internet consensus.

Tell me your fave and how you would accessorize it. Statement necklace? Big earrings? Leopard shoes? Fascinator and whip? Also tell me if I should really trust you. Like go ahead and tell me that you are a stylist for Rachel Bilson so I take your comment seriously. You can also tell me if you have daughters named Honey Boo Boo and Pumpkan and don’t know much ’bout no clothes.

NOW for the goods.

The website is called Mine For Nine All of these dresses are rented for like 20 bucks. AND AND AND I get them for a month! AND AND AND I can send back any that I don’t want within 3 days for a full refund. FULL REFUND. This is amazing. The dresses are all great quality. The red and the gray are Isabella Oliver which is like fancy shmancy preg wear that only famies would ever actually buy.

Yes I love renting clothes. RENTS FOR LIFE.

now make with the advice.


your favorite preg.

ok…prob like your 3rd favorite preg.


I have good friends. Real ones that don’t just live on the internet. Internet people are good too. Usually.…

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