Guys, last week I almost shut the blog down. For good.
The controversy and mom wars was just too much. I sat alone and thought about it for a while. My blog hits were higher than ever. Advertisers wanted in. But I was miserable. I was personally hosting the mommy wars in my comments section with *almost* ever post I wrote. And I hated it.
I realized that I would rather have 10 positive happy comments and low readership than a bunch of angry fighting bitches. It just felt bad.
I started this blog years ago talking about the importance of not wearing pants and B’s farts. Not much to take personally. Now? Now I have children. Decisions are bigger, they mean more. Being called an annoying bitch is not the same as being called a terrible mother. No matter who it comes from, it hurts.
And it would hurt you too because we all care so much about being a good mom. And that’s the draw of the mommy wars. We feel threatened.
The other day I read a Huffington Post article about how not to raise a whiny bratty kid. It was mostly like, don’t give them whatever they want. Duh. But at the end of the article the author in a tongue and cheek sort of way said:
“ Your food won’t be all organic. Yes, I used formula. Walk to school. There is no second breakfast or special dinner for you. I don’t do grocery cart covers or antiseptic wipes. I don’t care if that kid took your toy, get it back yourself, that’s street justice. I don’t care if the neighbor sneezed on you, the flu happens. Time out occurs at anytime or anywhere, so be on alert.”
And I froze. I felt myself tense up. I felt the comment forming in my head…
“eating organic and breastfeeding is about health and not spoiling a child….” the comment goes on and on in my head. But I literally felt shakey. Like I HAD to defend my opinion and let it be known right here. Everything I believed in felt threatened at that very moment. Everything I worked my ass off to do for my kids health was being made into a joke.
And then I realized. Yes. I felt threatened. THREATENED. That’s what you guys feel too. You feel that when I talk about something I believe in that may threaten you as a mother. And we all handle that feeling differently. Some of you immediately go to a ‘fuck you’ kind of place. Some of you type novels about why I’m wrong and another perspective to consider. And I get it. Now I get it. Because I felt it.
But here’s the thing. Despite me “getting it”. I also can tell you that I’m not the Huffington Post. I’m Amanda, age 32, mom of 2….trying the BEST that I can. And whether it’s justified or not, the hurt I feel from the overload of negativity (not just directed at me, but directed at each other) is overwhelming.
After posting, I would dread hearing the *ding* from my email telling me a new comment was in. Was it going to say how awful I was? That B should find a new wife? That I needed therapy? That I’m not fit to raise dogs, let alone children? (all actual comments). And maybe maaaaaaaybe I could handle the comments. But what I hate the thought of is my parents reading these comments, B’s parents, our aunts, uncles, cousins, friends and maybe one day my own children. I would hate to see a barrage of angry people attacking MY mother too.
So what do I do from here? Stop blogging all together? The blog is such a big part of who I am and so many people email me daily saying how their kid sleeps better now because of something I wrote, or their pregnancy sucks and they know they aren’t alone, or they have post partum depression and know that it’s ok. That to me makes me do my best to suck it up and forge ahead.
Do I stop blogging about my children? Not all together. But I will maybe be a little more selective about what I say to the world. I still think 38 people read this blog and it’s just not the case anymore.
I can’t change the world. I can’t change every person that reads this blog. But in this very moment, I can put a little positivity into all of us.
I’m giving away the most coveted, hard to get baby item out there. THE LITTLE HIPSQUEAKS HEADBAND.
Not just one, but two.
With matching shorts.
I know, you’re all….how does that make any impact on anything at all ever?
Well, to enter the giveaway, you must leave a very special sort of comment.
I want you to think about a mother you know either personally, on tv, or even me. Think about something that the mother does that you would NEVER do. And I want you to accept her as a mother and say something positive about her.
A friend of mine feeds her kid cookies, candy, cereal with bright colors and marshmallows, shit I would never DREAM of buying for my children. But her kid is happy and healthy and she is a happy mother. In reality, it probably bothers me the most because I wish I could take shortcuts and give my kids whatever they wanted to eat. I also would love to see them have that kid moment of happiness to have “treats”. She’s a good mother and we just do things differently.
Now it’s your turn. Maybe go back to the comments of a particularly hateful mommy war and find someone who really made your blood boil. Say something positive about her as a mother.
I will choose the winner from the comments.