pregnant stuff

Turns out I didn’t pee my pants

At 5am my water broke. And I was all, man I really just keep peeing. After the 3rd pair of underwear, I caught on. Plank will be here soon.  Send us healthy baby and comfortable vaginal thoughts. MODG

Read the full post →

I did it. Home induction success. Just not with a baby.

I should have known better. I know myself and I always do this shit. I’m not good with down time in general. Down time to me means BORE FEST. So I find something to obsess over, obsess over it, when finished, repeat with new thing. So here I am living the ultimate in down time […]

Read the full post →

Day 1 of the SAHM audition. Warning, B is playing dirty and caught a cold.

My maternity leave started and yesterday was my first day as a practice stay at home mom. I practiced laying down, staring at myself in the mirror for uncomfortably long amounts of time, watching NON dvr’d Oprah and eating boxed foods on 20 minute intervals. The tricky part of the day was that B was […]

Read the full post →

The 30th birthday loot. All of which attempt to make me cooler than I am.

Hi. This is me on no sleep. Well, there’s sleep I guess. Just not between the hours of 230am and 5am and also not when I wake up from a dream involving a pig slaughter house and boat murder.  B has officially moved in to the guest room and my 12 body pillows, breathe right […]

Read the full post →

Can you marry a Jesus and then give birth to one also? Or does it skip a generation, like twins?

My birthday is on Friday. I’m going to be 30. Dirty thirty. The good news is that I’m distracted by another upcoming birthday. Jesus’ Plankton’s. You know, I’m pretty convinced as I told you that he’s going to be born on Christmas, making him a front runner for some Jesus preferential treatment, like free trips […]

Read the full post →