Mom Stuff

I’m here, for now.

Hi guys. It’s me.

I’ve been thinking about how this would go and what I would say to you at this moment for months now. I’d form a few sentences and then find myself rambling and scrap the whole thing. This went on and on as I’d dry my hair at night, as I’d fall asleep, as I’d attempt to watch American Idol. But nothing seemed right.

I owe you an explanation. I know that. I need to tell you where I’ve been. Why I left you hanging. But the answer isn’t as simple as I’d like it to be.

I started this blog on July 29th, 2009. The post was titled “I thought breast pumps were shoes, truth”. And now I just spent the better part of 2013 exclusively pumping for my second child. So that should give you a pretty good picture of how much life has changed in almost 5 years.

I’m a mom to two kids. And those two kids are my air and stars and sunshine and gummy bears. And as 2014 is taking shape, I’m finally starting to see a small glimmer of an adult life creeping back in as well. A small part of me that includes wine, dates, shopping, friends and DVR. It’s a happy little sparkle that can cozy right up next to my gummy bears.

However, getting to this point has been a tough road. We haven’t had the easiest of paths. We’ve faced a number of challenges as all parents do. We all choose to handle these challenges differently. To add to our challenges, I’ve struggled with anxiety for the better part of my life. I was the kid in kindergarten throwing up before school because I was too nervous for show and tell. Now, as a mother, my anxiety showed it’s ugly little face again. And it’s been a challenge to balance the natural worry that we all feel for our kids with unnatural levels of anxiety.

As I’ve shared our stories with moms that I meet at school, or elsewhere, the one common thread that I find is that almost all of us feel like we’re not doing a good enough job. We all worry about our inadequacies day in and day out. I was talking to a very cool, “with it” mom of 3 kids who said she battles guilt every day that she just isn’t doing it right. Or that it just isn’t enough. And I could totally relate. We all can.

There is nothing in this world that I love more than my kids. My DVR is like a FAR second. And I can’t think of anything scarier than screwing them up. We all have issues and we all think that we are heinous fat beasts who are emotionally scarred from flushing a pet down the toilet. And we all want to do everything we can to give our kids a better shot at being less F’d up than we are. But it’s hard because you really just don’t know. It’s like this huge, long, detailed experiment that you won’t get the results from until 18 years have gone by and it’s too late to fix any major errors. We’re just all kind of crossing our fingers, reading books and blogs and huffington post articles that promise us that IF WE DO X, Y WILL NOT SMOKE CRACK.

But here we are. And you want to know still, where I have gone. Why haven’t I been here. Why hasn’t it seemed like I care about my readers who have been with me for 5 years. Why did I neglect everything I worked so hard on for so long? Why did this little corner of the internet fall apart under my watch?

I’m not the person anymore who started this blog. I think that is obvious. However, I’ve always tried to stay very true to the tone of this blog. I wanted the message to always be honesty, whether it was pretty or ugly. Truth whether it was favorable or not. And my life as unfiltered as possible.

But that message is harder for me to convey as a parent. It’s easy to convey confidence as you detail your nap on the kitchen floor after your 8th martini when you’re 24. It’s less easy to talk about your children and parenting choices, and hear criticism about you as a parent.

Because it’s so much more important.

I’m not going to put this on you guys or really anyone else except me. I am pretty hard on myself as a mother. And my anxieties can get the best of me. And it started getting to a point that I dreaded the ding of my email as comments came in from this blog. I used to love the interaction, now I just waited for the criticism.

Many of you said, just don’t talk about the controversial stuff. Believe it or not, I don’t. If that gives you an idea of how controversial our choices may seem. The criticism came from posts that I least expected. And sometimes just due to the tone of my writing.

Many of you said, if you can’t take it, you shouldn’t have a blog.

Maybe you are right.

Because I can’t take it.

So the question becomes: What now? Do I continue blogging but just not talk about the kids? I tried that. The blog became sort of inauthentic and distant. Not what I wanted.

How do I blog without the unfiltered honesty that I’ve always maintained as the tone for this blog?

These are hard questions that I STILL don’t have the answer to. And I’m figuring it out.

Will I quit? Will I go on? Will I start a new blog? I don’t know yet.

I’m closing the comments on this post. Because I’m ashamed to say that I’m still afraid of the feedback.

I wanted to let you all know though that we are ok. I appreciate all of your emails. If you still want to keep up with us, I do maintain my instagram account for now “modgblog”.

I promise I won’t be gone for good. I just don’t know what it will look like when I’m back.

sparkles, loves and peace signs out your butt,
MODG

POSTED IN: MODG,Mom Stuff

guys...WANA. Where do I begin. It’s been awesome. I’ve felt very close to it this year. I’m amazed at everyone’s selflessness. It’s really awesome to see. We have such wonderful success stories that I can’t wait to share with you in our recap post.

I need you all to know though that this year’s WANA will end on the 23rd. WANA will be back next year. Great work everyone and for those of you who have received help and are comfortable doing so, please send me pictures and I’ll post them in the recap. Success stories without pictures are welcome too.

Please keep checking though. I’ll continue to post those needs who haven’t been met yet.

_______

I’m going to wrap up our what-the-f-do-i-get-this-person for said holiday, series in one post. Why? Because Ruby is a baby and knows nothing of Christmas. I wish someone smacked me and told me that when G had just turned one. Parents, save your money. Seriously. And B and I? We don’t want or need much. Well, ok I want everything always. But we don’t need much. But I’m here to help and a gift list you shall receive.

**the pictures are not the links, the links are in the body of the text in orange***

Let’s start with my little red jewel, Miss Ruby.

12 month gifts

 

This list was researched after going through 2 babies of year 1. I know what they dig. They mostly dig floor food and electric cords, but if you don’t feel like buying that, get this stuff.

1) Prince Lionheart Wheely Bug: So I thought about this when G was 1 and I passed because it’s not free. And an empty box is free. But, I’ve since seen kids with these things and they love them. The kids FLY on them as they get older and use their legs to propel themselves all over town. And really? That bee? adorbs.

2) Fisher-Price Cruise and Groove Ballapalooza: One key about buying for a little sibling is finding something that the older sibling would think is fun too. Although then you get into MINE NO MINE NO MINE. But you win some you hide in the laundry room for some. This scream rainy day to me. Mostly because you get it in this big box and it’s literally a billion pieces. And guess what? I’m not putting that together. Kids are.

3) Happy Family : Ruby got a little doll house for her birthday and I love the idea of buying a family that is a different race than your own. And obviously I want the Asian family. And if ONE of you says I’m racist, I will literally choke you through your computer.

4) Green Toys Build-a-Bouquet Floral Arrangement Playset: We love Green Toys here. They are all made from recycled materials. They also just feel cool. Like not that thin scary slice your throat open plastic. Kids change the flowers all around to make different flowers. Or something like that.

5) Diggin Wobble Deck Extreme Balancing Game: This is a balance board that plays different games with the kids. You can hold it and play or stand on it. I hear about it all the time and that it’s super fun for all.

6)FurReal Friends Daisy Plays-With-Me Kitty Toy: So we were at Target and saw this in the aisle and Ruby was mesmerized. At the time I was like, this is stupid and expensive. Fast forward 1 month and Ruby is obsessed with cats. OBSESSED. And not even our cats. Just cats. She sees a drawing of a cat and runs around the house holding it screaming KITTY KITTY! So this present becomes more valid. It’s eerily real. So take that as you will.

7) Smart Planet Piano Mat: To be fair, this is big. Really big. This comes out when it’s raining and kids are throwing lamps at each other’s heads. Then you’re all…LET’S PLAY WITH THE GIANT PIANO. It gets great reviews and you know you wanted this when you saw Big, when you were a kid.

8) Corolle Mon Premier Bebe Calin Grenadine Doll: I took an informal poll of facebook friends on the best babydoll. This and a billion dollar doll was recommended most. Billion dollar doll gets flushed down the toilet and drawn on with sweet potato. So this doll is the winner.

9) Rody Inflatable Hopping Horse: This was another one that I saw all the time when G was 1. Then I went to a place that had like 7 of them and every kid was bouncing around like a mental patient. Ruby’s second obsession after cats is horses. She calls them SIES (horsies). She would love this.

10) 12′ Parachute: Ok we actually own this. But I had to tell you about it. I bought it for G’s birthday party and kids went nuts. All the parents were like, did you rent that? NO I BOUGHT IT. And it was only 29 dollars. And my kids are obsessed with it. We make forts with it, we drag kids on it, we fly it. It’s the best. BUY THIS. YOU WILL THANK ME.

11) Educational Insights Magic Moves Talking Electronic Wand: This is cute. It is sort of a pseudo parent though. It says things like “stomp like a dinosaur” “freeze!” “jump in the air” and the kids do it and the wand knows. IT KNOWS.

 

Next onto buying gifts for a man who hates everything and who fits into nothing. Sounds super! B is 6’4” but pretty broad and slim with dinosaur feet and long arms. So. EVERYTHING gets returned. If you have a tall, slim, broad guy. Read on.

b gifts

 

1) Jcrew Tall Vintage button down and Jcrew Tall Vintage Oxford: These are some of the few shirts that are slim enough that they don’t look like garbage bags on B. They are also long enough but not night gown long. And obv the quality is good. One of these is a really nice gift. Jcrew is 30% off with code GIFTNOW

2) Gap Striped Pullover: Do you know how long it’s taken to find the right long sleeved shirts? Some are too long some are too wide some are “hurty fabric” (eye roll a million billion). Gap got it right THANK JESUS. You can wash and dry them too and they don’t turn into shmatas  ***Use code GAPDEAL for 40% off!

3) Striped Henley Hooded T: Mix it up and add a hood in there. Go CRAZY.

4) Clarks Desert Boot: You all know I own these. And I got B to try them on. Guess what? HE LIKED THEM. Guys. This is unheard of. B hates all shoes. He has widefeetandlongfeetandarchesthatdosomething and blaaaaah. These are so comfortable, they come in a billion colors (we tried them ALL on.). And they look very cool.

5) Fogless Shower Mirror
For TEN years B has had this stupid mirror in the shower that has this tiny blue light that does nothing and falls down at 3am making me think that we are being shot at. FINALLY  he got this one and it’s so cool. You fill it up with shower water in the back and it really stays fogless. Go science.

6) Big Socks.  Can you handle the excitement? I found these in JCPenney one year and I was sent back for more. If your male person has wide feet, get these dumb socks. ok?

 

Ok my list is not stuff I want this year. It’s mostly stuff that I have that I think you should have or gift too. MOM, DON’T BUY ME ANYTHING. I DON’T NEED THINGS.

my list

1)Sky Planter : I know, what’s become of me? My first wish is a planter. I like plants. Especially basil. I’m out of space on my counters. They are filled up with clay handprints and vitamins. I get to hang this up. I love it.

2) Free People Miles of Henley Dress: I love a good maxi. You can put a sweater over it in the winter or a turtleneck under it. Belt it, cardigan it, boot it. So versatile. I love how casual this one is.

3) Free People Honeycomb Mix Pullover: My daily uniform now is skinny jeans, desert boots and a longish sweater. I love this one so. It’s long enough in the back too to wear with leggings.

4) Zella Live in Leggings: Speaking of leggings…I took another poll on facebook of my personal friends favorite leggings. I got more responses than any of my other posts on facebook. I got a lot of recommendations for leggings over 100 dollars. Um no. But these got a good response from some of my fanciest friends. People swear by these bad boys.

5) Gap Legging Jeans: A while back I did an extensive search of the best skinny jeans. I tried really high end brands. I even own some of them and every single day, I’m still reaching for these jeans first. They hold their shape, they aren’t too restricting and they are a great length. I really love these. STILL. If you are buying as a gift, they run big. I’m a 27 and I buy a 2.

6) Timex for JCrew military watch with other bands: I also own this. But I feel very cool when I wear it. It’s also not a crazy price in terms of watches. It’s mens so it gives you that oversized sporty vibe. I love buying new bands for it too. Jcrew is 30% off with code GIFTNOW.

7) Crystal Rectangles Necklace: Because every girl loves a J.Crew necklace.

8) Free People Turn up the Sun Sweater: Sigh…I love the Free People. But I can only dream about a lovely sweater like this. Cozy, comfy, hippie cool.

9) Adorn 512 Hand stamped Necklace: I have this in Rose gold. The length is key. It sits right in that little nook between your collar bones. It’s rose gold and I love it. And every mom would love it with her child’s initial. Or husband. Or dog. Or F. Just because.

10) Smartwool I LOVE SMART WOOL. If you haven’t tried it or you don’t care about socks, trust me. I don’t care either. Until I tried smart wool. I’m exclusive now.

11) Leopard Belt:  I own this. I love this. It’s the best gift because it’s cool with anything. Ratty t shirt day? Throw it on. Big maxi dress? Belt it with this. It’s always cool. Love.

12) FP Voile and Lace Trapeze Slip:  This is one of FP’s best sellers. The model makes it look trashy. But wear it as the coolest layering piece ever. Over long sleeves, under a sweater, over a long skirt, over jeans. I have it in black but there are a million colors. It runs a little small.

 

There you have it friends. Your holiday guide complete. As always inform me on things that I missed.

Keep on WANA-ing.

HOLIDAY LOVE TO YOU ALL.

XOXO

MODG

POSTED IN: Awesome things,B,babies,Mom Stuff,Stuff I like

If you want your kid to grow proper lasers, don’t shove your fingers into his cocoon.

I was talking to a fellow mom the other day who was all, “my kid never really went through the terrible 2′s. And 3 wasn’t that bad either.” And I tried so hard to call upon my laser fire eye super power to bore a hole through her skull. Yet again, it failed me. As […]

Read the full post →

What do you do with your first 2 hours of free time? Panic about it. Then eat a cookie.

G has completed  his first 2 (ish) weeks of school. They ease the kids in going from 3 days a week to 5 and 2 hours a day to 3. I have been so consumed with “will he like school?” “will he make friends at school?” “will he destroy the school and all who cross […]

Read the full post →

Preschool is high school all over again. WILL I FIT IN?

Monday was a proud proud day at the MODG house. My big boy went off to school. And he made this face. I’m not sure which makes me more proud. Prouder? More proud? School is valuable kids. So guys. We HAVE to talk about this sort of preschool. When I first met my hippie friends […]

Read the full post →