You guys. I have been quiet around here because I feel like as SOON as I put this into legitimate word writings, it will disappear. Like when Britney was all “Slave 4 U” in her matching denim outfits with Justin in public…. POOF Justin’s all, “what comes around goes around”. Whatever, you get it.

Ok I’m going to say it.

Hold your breath.



Wait, I need to say it again. And better.



Guys, I did it. And guess what? NO CRYING INVOLVED.



And LOOK how happy we are about it

Ok I know you’re dying to know. Remember when I wrote this post about G’s napping and how I figured it all out? And 2 years later with baby #2 I write this post saying how that post was bullshit because it didn’t work and I hate myself? Well NOW I’m writing this post saying that the last post was wrong and the post before that was right so this is a post saying how I was wrong about saying that I was wrong and I’m really right.

I mean.


Let’s back up.

On my toddlercation, it was my MISSION to get Ruby to sleep. I tried paci, I tried no paci, I tried 2 hours of awake time, I tried 1.5 hours of awake time. I tried nursing to sleep. I tried not nursing to sleep. I tried putting her in her crib awake. I tried putting her in passed out. Nothing was working. We were on 25 minute cat naps every day.

I skyped with my sleep lady.

She’s like: Ok what’s going on?

Me: ican’tdoitanymore! Rubyneversleepsandi’mgoingtodieandGhatesmeandi’msotiredandihavetocookallthethingsandshe’sovertiredandjusttellmewhattodo?!

SL: Um


And then we went over for hours and hours what could work and what may not work. And here’s the thing guys, I just wanted her to be like, do this and this and put her to bed at this time and bam, sleep. But it’s not like that. Because it’s so shitty but really? Every baby is different. I KNOW IT’S SO CRUEL. They all come from the baby store with no instructions, which is rude enough on it’s own. But now it’s like grab bag of babies. You have to figure it out. Regardless, sleep lady gave me a plan to try. But she was clear that naps are a bitch whore and that whore is nasty and just wants to be paid. Or something.

But this time? It didn’t work. It STILL DIDN’T WORK. Her plan was to try a shorter period of awake time and a long soothing period to calm her down. Sounds good but didn’t work.

So I stopped everything. I cleared my head. I reminded myself that in every major mom problem that I’ve faced, I trusted my gut. And it’s usually worked. My gut was telling me that it wasn’t how she was being put to sleep it was when. And then I remembered the G post. The first G post. I tried it again.

The idea of what worked with G was stretching his awake time. It goes against all logic and every sleep book. But I tried it.

Morning nap we did 3 hours of awake time.  We were at 2. And you know what? That child slept for an hour. I got mildly excited but didn’t believe anything anymore.

Afternoon nap I did another 3 hours of awake time. SHE SLEPT FOR 2 HOURS.

ruby naps

Because of all the sleep we skipped the 3rd nap and she went to sleep at normal bed time. I should remind you all that we have a few night wake ups still. And if she doesn’t wake up, I set my alarm to feed her. We have some feeding issues that I’ll talk to you about another time.

But guys, this was huge.

Next day, same thing.


We were now officially dropping the 3rd nap, extending awake time and she was sleeping like a champ.

The one thing the sleep lady taught me was that when a kid wakes up from a nap, after 30 minutes or really any time. They are usually up. It’s very difficult for them to go back to sleep. And she was right. So I knew this child needed to be tired enough to get through that 30 minute arousal.

Here is our routine broken down for you so you can try it. Don’t ass slap me if it doesn’t work. It didn’t work for us 2 months ago. I think she just had to be a little older. So for the record RUBY IS 6 MONTHS OLD.

Morning wake up 630-730 First nap 10/1030- Around 10:15 change diaper, get in our Baby Merlin’s Magic Sleepsuit
(LOVE that thing…it’s a swaddle transitioner), turn down lights, nurse in our chair until very sleepy. Give paci and ghosty (literally the perfect lovey. G has one too and it’s the perfect size).

Wake up around 11- Sleep lady says don’t wake them but I’ve had to for various G outings and it’s been fine.

Second nap 2/230- Same exact routine as first nap.

Wakes 330-4 (!!!!)

Bed time 730/8. Routine is the same but with a bath thrown in the mix and NO paci. I know it seems counter intuitive. But the way their baby brains process night and day sleep is different. She doesn’t wake up 200 times crying for the paci anymore at night because it’s not there to begin with.

And that my friends is our success story.

Please slice my face open when I come back in a week and say it doesn’t work anymore and I’m kicking myself for putting this on the internet. But I know that lots of you are in the same boat. So if you have a 6 month old +, try it.


I’ll be sitting here without any kids for 30 more minutes. Because they are sleeping. THEY ARE SLEEEEEEPING




sleep winner

POSTED IN: Awesome things,babies,how-to

Let’s all be honest. A year ago we were not baking bread from scratch. We were not making casserole’s that taste like pizza with 1 calorie. We were not stock piling pumpkin filling to make every fall festive cookie in existence. Our outfits were just ok. And we didn’t know how to make homemade kitchen cleaner that turns your kitchens into stainless steel robots. No. We were much more regular then. Like living life making chicken and not wearing sock buns. My friends, things have changed. This is the Pinterest generation.

And I’m about to tell you about my best Pinterest life event ever.


FROM THE GODS. (yes that’s mine)

Now to a regular person, you go to a store, and buy a makeup table and it’s done. But I am married to B. B buys generic tape. I stand on my toilet to see my outfits because we don’t have a mirror. So this was not only a huge deal, it was a huge campaign.

But I have to start by giving credit to this site, which I found, via Pinterest. And I will tell you that I put more time and effort into this than I did into creating this baby. But that is another story.

This was all done through Ikea and Michaels for a grand total of 87 dollars. That includes all the cases, shelving, mirror and stool. And it’s bomb. Yes, I said 1999 Bomb.

Oh do I wish I had a before picture for you. But surprise, I didn’t take a picture of the shit hole in my bathroom that used to store the stacks of dirty Nars containers and hairy brushes that I never clean. So imagine a pile of shit. Then put lipstick on it. Then throw it next to B’s body hair trimmer and generic mouthwash.

So when I saw this I knew I was doing it. Well, B was doing it and I said I would do what it took to get B to do it. Yes, you’re thinking correctly. I went and got the shit myself at Ikea and threatened to pregnant cry.

But friends. I didn’t stop at the table. I wanted it to be beautiful. I never know what the F I have in my containers. None of them are clear so every morning I guess at what colors go on my face. No more.

I scraped all of my eye shadows out of their containers and put them into these tiny plastic containers that came in these cute little boxes from Michael’s. They are meant to store beads. Like seed beads. Like that nonsense you were into for 10 minutes when you were 13.

Yes ALL of them. And you’re like WAIT so you don’t know what color is Beachy Ball Blue and what color is Bankrupt Bang-cock? No. And I also don’t know what is Chanel and what is Wet and Wild. And I like it that way. It’s like the great equalizer. My eye shadow represents society. Think about THAT.

But then I was like. Well, this is going to be a mess. B is going to give me shit every time he sees a little Princess Palace Pink on the floor. I need to do something BETTER.

So I googled it up and watched a few Asians on You Tube teach me how to make pressed eye shadows from the scraped up mess that I now had. And I’m going to tell you how. And before you say it, yes I had this much time on my hands. It was important. You’d make time to rescue a kitten from a burning tree wouldn’t you? Same.

Here is what you need for the project:


you’re so intrigued right? Dirty underwear and a quarter? I definitely found this sort of thing in the streets of Penn State on a Sunday morning. Stay with me for the magic. And yes, that’s my underwear before the project. I do in fact poop rainbow circles.

Ok so you need, rubbing alcohol, tweezers, a dropper bottle to fill with the alcohol NOTE: THROW IT OUT WHEN YOU ARE DONE IF YOU USE ONE THAT SAYS EYE STUFF OR BABY STUFF OR WHATEVER. You may not reuse it but the nanny, grandma, dumb husband may shoot that shit up the baby’s nose. Throw it out. You also need, a blunt object (end of a mixing spoon), cotton fabric and a quarter.

The sick part is the scraping out of your tins. Lay down a BIG towel, lock the door from your husband and dig that shit out with tweezers. Dump it in your containers. It takes forever. Watch a wedding show twice while you do it. Again, lock the door.

Once all the pigments are dumped, do this


Now, do that a billion times with all of your eye shadows. You don’t have a life. You watch wedding shows twice. You’re fine.

Then, after all of your hard hard work. You have THIS:

And they are so beautiful you could cry.

And now, NOW you are ready to load up your makeup table that your husband just finished drilling into the wall and waking up your toddler to do. BUT YOU DON’T CARE BECAUSE IT’S ALL YOURS.


And you have so many colors and choices and options that you can do this every day now

JUST like you wanted to.

It’s ALMOST like you live in a Nordstrom’s. All of the sources are listed and update on the site I originally credited. Check here for everything. I wish I could hug this woman for bringing such joy into my life.

I guess I should hug B too.

After I hug my eyeshadow.



sparkle eyes.

POSTED IN: Awesome things,how-to,Stuff I like,Style

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