Eating Innapropriately

G has completed  his first 2 (ish) weeks of school. They ease the kids in going from 3 days a week to 5 and 2 hours a day to 3. I have been so consumed with “will he like school?” “will he make friends at school?” “will he destroy the school and all who cross his path?” that I forgot that once he is actually AT school, I will be AT home. Without him. While Ruby naps.

You guys.

Today I got it.

I walked in the door. I put Ruby down for her nap. And I looked around. Holy shit. There is one child here and she is asleep. And it’s just me. By myself. WHAT DO I DO? And this is what happened from here:

Oh my god. I’m alone.

First eat a cookie.

Actually eat 2 cookies.

Stand in the  middle of the living room and eat 2 cookies.

Turn on the tv.

Watch shows with out singing or bright colors and with partial nudity.

Eat another cookie.

Wait. I need to do a million things. I need to make a list.

List: take a shower, nap, dry my hair, actually style my hair, put on makeup, cook a real lunch, blog, read that magazine I bought 3 months ago, pick up all disgusting things on the floor….

all the things


I can’t waste my time making a list. I’m WASTING TIME. I only have an hour left. I need to do stuff.

Ok, start cooking lunch. Plan dinner. Pump milk.

WAIT WAIT. I also need to enjoy this time. I have like 55 minutes left. Am I enjoying this time?



omg. I am wasting time worrying about enjoying this time. It takes too much time to enjoy time.

I need a cookie.

Ok ok. I have 40 minutes left.

I should probably work out. I haven’t worked out in like 2 years. I don’t know how to start. I should google that.

Googling how to work out after slothing for 2 years.

Slothing is a weird thing to google. Especially in the images. Stop doing that.

SHIT 20 minutes left.

I’m not wasting my free time working out. That’s some bullshit.

Wait a minute. 20 minutes is left until G gets out of school. That means I actually only have FIVE MINUTES before I have to leave.

Do I have time for a cookie? Shit. I don’t.

And then I get Ruby up and we’re back in the car as soon as we got in the house. It’s a short short window of bliss, but it’s like nothing I’ve ever known. School is a wonderful thing my friends. Because it’s not TV. It’s not some stupid toy that he ends up throwing at Ruby’s head. It’s SCHOOL. It’s learning and kids and social time and teachers and stuff. How can you feel guilty about school? You can’t. Except that school is the unifying source of endless scarring memories for 90% of the population. Whatever.

And when I pick G up from school he comes running to me with a huge smile and 9 million art projects and tells me that he misses me. And I totally missed him too. And then he throws an old banana peel down my shirt because it’s “food and we can throw food at people” (??) and I miss him 1% less.

So either this new time will mean more blogging, skinnier body from working out (psh), more shopping and doing stuff like this


jacket / jeans and similar  / shoe that I’m dying for / bag /

scarf /hat is sold out, similar/ glasses

B totally votes for doing stuff like that. And so I did. And went on with my day with dirty hair, no makeup, just as non worked out, unslept and un read. But BUT I now have a picture of shit that I want but can’t have. Success.

I can always work out another day.

Or not.



What do YOU do with your school time? Eat cookies? Prob.




POSTED IN: Awesome things,Eating Innapropriately,Mom Stuff,Style

I haven’t eaten a grain in 2 months.

Let me say that again except louder so you really get it




These are the only creatures on earth that could get me off the wheat train. And the gummy train. And the m&m bus. 

Let me break that down for you: no rice, no wheat, no oats, no randomhippiemilletbuckweat grain, nothing. I started this with 80% intention of healing my gut and Ruby’s gut and 20% to be healthy and lose baby weight. This is the part when I tell you how awesome it is and how great I feel and how sparkly my girl parts are…or something. And …eh?

I mean, I’ve lost weight for sure. But is it worth cooking FROM SCRATCH every meal, every day during my lone 2 hours of maybe free time while kids sleep? NO. B decided to be supportive and do this with me. So together we decided to do Whole 30. This is a grain, dairy, sugar free diet that starts and ends in 30 days. It’s all fresh foods, nothing from a package. So I’m cooking for both of us. And cooking for G. Unless you can convince a 2 year old to eat cauliflower mashed potatoes and ghee. No? Right. More chicken nuggets.

So lots of you are like, healing your gut? What’s that about? I’ve mentioned it here briefly, but it’s a process of eating easily digestible foods and probiotics to heal leaky intestines. Processed foods for years and years as well as antibiotics can poke tiny holes in your one-cell-thick wall of your intestine, allowing large food chunks to leak into your gut. This can cause big problems for your body. You can read more here. And this is a great NY Times article about leaky gut.

I have to say, it’s pretty awesome of B to jump on board this crazy train with me for support. He knows the nightmare I go through with food stuff while breastfeeding and he’s doing this so I don’t feel alone. And so his pants fit. But mostly to be supportive RIGHT B?  Yes, I wish I could eat whatever I want. But the hippie in me tells me that this is all to teach me something. And that something is probably to not cover my nutella in gummy penguins (every day).

So we’re on day 20. B will end in 10 days and I will keep trucking on. You may follow my Pinterest board Gut Healing, where I post recipes and the like of the crap we eat and the crap that I spend hours cooking. Dudes, if you would have told me 5 years ago that I’d be all natural hippie lady cooking foods from scratch during my only free tv watching hours of the day, I would have slapped your face off. But here we are.

Yes, it’s good to be healthy. Yes, it’s good to have normal poops. Yes, it’s good to fit into my jeans. But you know what is also good? Kraft mac and cheese. Also? smores. Also? Pizza from a grease pit Also? fruity pebbles.

And people are like…oh I don’t even crave that stuff anymore. B to the S. I’ve learned a lot about food, but I’ve learned that totally eliminating anything from your diet is asking for trouble.

Now I will say, there was a short period before I got norovirus where I cut out all sugar (including fruit). After 3 days of that, I did not crave sugar anymore. I also wasn’t hungry. Like at all. Also? I got sick. Also? my milk supply went way down. So that had to end.

But here’s what I’ll take from these months of eating whole and fresh and crap:

1) Dairy is sort of not necessary. I know I know, you’re screaming WHAT ABOUT MY CHEEEESE? In every recipe that calls for cheese, I add more salt and that includes all of my italian stuff that I make. Also, coconut milk? AMAZING and a super health food.

2) Anything that calls for flour in a recipe, or breading, or breadcrumbs you can make with almond flour. Just season it if cooking, and use it straight up if baking. Almonds are a super food and it’s a great way to cut carbs.

3) Stop cooking with olive oil or any other liquid oil. If you splurge on one thing, make it coconut oil. It’s a solid. Any time you cook over high temps to fry, use a solid oil like butter or coconut. Olive oil, canola, etc all turn unstable at high temps and zap your brain into alien juice. For real. Also coconut oil makes you LOSE weight. Swear to the bears.

4) Stevia is amazing. It’s a sweetener that actually regulates your blood sugar level, it’s natural, no chemicals, no sugar and no carbs. It’s considered a supplement. Especially when you poor it straight into your mouth. I mean…not that I know about that…

5) Eat a billion eggs a day. As many as you can fit into your face. ESPECIALLY the yolk. Don’t believe that BS about cholesterol, etc. It’s a super food. Also avocado. Make guac constantly. Get a shovel. You figure out the rest.

6) You can make a satisfying pasta out of anything. Get this GEFU Spirelli Spiral Cutter
It’s amazing. Zucchini noodles win my life.

After this nonsense is all over, there are a few recipes that I’m going to keep making. I’ll share them with you because sharing is what friends do. Especially diseases
Adapted from PB & Fruity Says “Let Us Rap” – 2010 Winner (it’s a kid’s cooking contest. Of course I like this best)



• 2 shredded chicken breasts
• 1 chopped green apple
• 1/4 cup chopped black or red grapes
• 2 tablespoons almond butter
• 1/2 red onion, chopped
• Boston Lettuce
1. Boil the shit out of your chicken until it shreds, cover in salt and pepper

2. Dump chicken in with cut up fruit and onions

3. Spoon that almond butter all over everything and mix

4. Carefully (not like a savage beast) remove large lettuce leaves without breaking. Scoop spoonfulls of mixture into lettuce and roll.

5. Eat your face off.


This salmon. The avocado stuff on top makes you think you’re not eating salmon.



I’ve made this cumin pork in my slow cooker 4 times and it’s cooking right now. It’s amazing. At the end of cooking, strain the juices and pour into a pan. Turn that pan on super high and let it boil for like 10 minutes until  it makes a super thick fancy sauce. And guess what? You just made a REDUCTION. Sounds so smart and fancy. Poor your reduction back over the pork and eat it with guac.



I made these Cowboy Cookies before Whole 30. If you don’t even care about your health, make these. They are so to die, you will die and then eat more and then die more. Oh, they have avocado in them. what what?




And my MOST prized recipe. Seriously, everyone who eats this guac gets down on their knees and praises Jesus that I have come into their life to deliver them this guacamole. I seriously make it now once a week. Note: leave out the black pepper. No black pepper in mexican food ever!



POSTED IN: Eating Innapropriately,hippie stuff,Sharing

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