Drunk Stuff

Now that I’m the winner of So You Think You Can Dance: Blog Edition, I’ll be holding dance class in my living room once every never. Stop by.

So here’s my update for everyone on The Project:

I’m working my way though my workout dvd collection. I’m taking the philosophy of P90x and ghetto-izing it. Their philosophy is do a different workout every day so your muscles get confused. Apparently you want confused muscles. I figure that I can do this on my own, wiht my own dvd collection because I’m a genius. Thanks to my addiction to buying workout dvd’s, this is very possible. So I’ve just been doing a new workout every day. Last week I took 2 days off because 1) I was busy and 2) I didn’t care. I have been on The Project for 8 days now and have not repeated a dvd yet. And I won’t for a while. I know. Look away and stop judging.

So no, I have not danced with the big T-Dog again yet. I forgot everything that I learned so I am no where near just putting on that bad boy and dancing for an hour. I do however want another dance dvd. They are so fun.


I just said how I haven’t even been through all of my workout dvd’s yet and I’m plotting my next purchase. What is wrong with me?

Results: I feel great and I think I’m definitely gaining muscle. I don’t think I’ve lost any weight yet but after the soreness of 30 beasts wore off, I felt like I could feel real muscles in my stomach and butt. That’s a golden prize. The other result is that I’m not bored. And get this: I actually look forward to my workout when I put G down for his nap in the morning. OH. That reminds me. For those of you who were like, “wow G let’s you workout? That’s so great”. PLEASE. That child doesn’t let me open the refrigerator, let alone do a whole freakin workout. It happens when he naps.

That was hard. Mentally, giving up part of his nap where I gloriously internet, or lay around, or watch dvr’d housewife wedding makeover haunted pageant psychic babies shows. But once I did it, it was cake. I was like, DUH I’m an asshole. I should have been doing this all along.

I think I’m doing well with this because my standards are low low low like sho’ty. For those of you who weren’t with me through the unspeakable times, I’ll remind you. I did a total elimination diet to figure out G’s allergies while breastfeeding for months. TOTAL ELIMINATION means you eliminate every possible allergen and add them back in slowly. That means so dairy, soy, wheat, citrus, caffeine, chocolate, tomato, sugar OR ANYTHING THAT RESEMBLES REGULAR FOOD. So I’m not about deprivation any more. I’m about doing whatever you can and being happy with it.

That brings us to the food portion of The Project. We’ve taken out all of the shit in the house. And by taken out, I mean it exited through the toilet, via my butt. What? Too much? It’s true. I had a bon voyage party for the awesome foods in the pantry. Now we house nothing awesome. Well, not true. I have a few staples that I’ll share with you that help me through times like these:

This is a great chocolate sold at Trader Joe’s. Don’t eat the whole bar fatty. Just a piece or two. After dinner when I need something sweet, I’ll have a little section with my red wine. Then I shower so I don’t think about eating the rest covered with a cinnamon bun.

Around these parts we call this broccolate. Because it doesn’t taste like super amazing and it’s healthy in some totally not healthy way. But it’s good to know how many calories are going in. Again, have it with red wine and then shower.  Sort of like a cold shower for a 14 year old boy.

Aaaah Ak Mak. When B and I were dating and he was (in my mind) some California hippie, I always told him that he ate twigs and sticks and the like. This falls into that category. Prob more twig than stick. But it’s a relatively good cracker if you need some crunch in your life. Great with hummus or sunflower butter or almond butter (I like sun butter best).

Dude….Larabars are the BEST. I learned about these when I was gluten free. The ingredients are like 3. Dates, cashew and then a fruit like cherry or apple. THAT’S IT. G lives on these with me too. They are so awesome and taste like super heros.

Ok, these are a little bit of a bad thing. But if you don’t eat the whole damn tub at once, you’ll be cool. They are almonds, in dark chocolate WITH SEA SALT. Do you even know? Do you? Put salt on anything sweet and I’ll eat it….especially nuts….(I HANDED that one to you)

But nuts in general are a big go-to when I’m trying to be healthy. Any time I want to grab something to snack on,  I grab cashews or almonds or some other nut.

And no, I will not be giving up wine. It’s part 2 of my 3 part plan (little awesome food, wine, shower). If you follow my 3 part plan, you too can be super fancy skinny awesome.


And that’s where we are. In terms of videos, I’ll be shooting one creating some healthy dinner recipes. I’m not really a good cook. But I’ll show you my stuff.

Oh and to those of you who recommended Physique 57 to me….we are not friends. That bitch is CUHRAZZY and should not be rapping.

That is all.

How is everyone else doing?



POSTED IN: Drunk Stuff,Eating Innapropriately

It’s Hanukkah jewy jews! But guess what? Hanukkah is stupid. I heard that first hand from a solid jew. We just make a big deal about it because it’s near Christmas and we feel bad. When really, Hanukkah is like as stupid as Columbus Day. Minus the genocide and rape that we celebrate on Columbus Day. ANYWAY

**Update** Apparently some of my more sensitive readers were offended by this. THEY FREAKING LOVE HANUKKAH. So to that I say: HAPPY HANUKKAH. There are some people who love the shit out of this holiday. And to them I say Mazel. I also say, if you are the type of person who gets offended at stuff, you  may not like it around here**

With all this Hanukkah talk, I forgot the real reason of this post.

A CHRISTMAS EXPLOSION IN YOUR FACE. I know, lately we’ve had a lot of explosions in your face (that’s what he said) and for that I’m sorry. But I wanted to share with you some holiday imagery that makes me feel warm and lit on fire inside.

My cats are also Jewish (they have menorah stockings) so I get this cat. I would just really like to find this gettup. Charlie is dying for it.


I wasn’t going to do it. But I did it. I mean why not force your kid to sit on the dirtiest old man’s lap ever. Then take a picture of it. Then pay 20 bucks for the cheapest “package”. xoxo Christmas.


If this doesn’t scream merry christmas, nothing does.

Sorry, just 2 more cats.

I feel the same way toilet owner. Poinsettias are not only crap, but they poison cats. FLUSH THEM ALL..in the woods??

Why weren’t these guys at the mall instead? I would have bought the 50 dollar package.

Oh, woops how did that get in there?

that’s called magic.

I’ll wait why you wipe away your christmas magic tears.


If you don’t have this toy, go get it. Not for your kid, for yourself. It was on our wish list and a lucky boy got it for his birthday. It’s SO FUNNNNNNNN.


And that’s all friends. In the comments, please share with me something that will further increase my holiday cheer. MAKE IT EXTRA HOLIDAYCHEERISH.

And to conclude, I give you my favorite Christmas song that I’ve been singing out loud to who ever will listen since 1999. I  made B do a dramatic reading of them the other night. I recommend it.


hearts to you all


POSTED IN: Awesome things,Drunk Stuff,I love cats and if you don't you can bite me.,Stuff on a toilet

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