I was talking to a fellow mom the other day who was all, “my kid never really went through the terrible 2′s. And 3 wasn’t that bad either.” And I tried so hard to call upon my laser fire eye super power to bore a hole through her skull. Yet again, it failed me.
As you all know, my G has been a powerhouse since the day he was born. He’s always been “more”. He is his mother, from his 2 year old hairy back to his dramatic interpretation of a wild cat eating ice cream. And so I sort of get him. But man alive, did the Universe want me to learn shit from this child.
I say that because I try so hard to learn patience and acceptance and all that other bullshit that we want our kids to learn. Like when I SCUHREAM at the top of my lungs GAVIN USE YOUR INDOOR VOICE! WE’RE IN THE HOUSE YOU MANIAC. And then I’m like…um. I mean….**gavin please speak quietly or something**
And for 2.75 years, if you make a mistake or kind of ignore that your kid is a “dumper” or a “swiper” or an occasional “kicker in the gut”, it’s not that big of a deal. But then, THEN the ultimate judgement falls upon you.
Guys, G is in the most wonderfully awesome preschool in the whole wide land. I couldn’t dream of a better school for him. That’s why when I started to get an email or a phone call every now and then, I knew G was acting a fool.
It went like this
PS: So, um, G had a bit of a rough day
Me: Oh no, really?
PS: Well, he’s a dumper
Me: (shit) mmm hmm.
PS: Which is ok, except he dumped all of the magnets into a bucket of paint.
Me: Oh no, um, really? I’m so sorry I’ll…
PS: And then I tried to explain that we couldn’t use the magnets anymore that way. I tried to redirect him to coloring
Me: Oh how did that go?
PS: Well, he picked up the crayon I handed him and broke it.
Me: (hiding face in hands)
PS: And then he threw about 10 toys across the room. After he ran around with the scissors.
Me: Yeah he’s a thrower and a runner.
PS: Yes he is. But he’s also 2 and we do understand. You’re doing a great job. We just wanted to let you know.
And your first gut reaction is to get to the school immediately to install hidden cameras in every corner of the room so you can record your child’s nonsense and play it back to him and show him that he can not do that stupid shit anymore.
See preschool is the first time our kids are totally out of our control, on their own, in the world. They either are going to act right or act 2 years old. But you just really cross your fingers and hope they act 33 years old. Because *gasp* does his stupid shit make ME look bad?
And I realized that THAT’s what I was worried about. I didn’t want anyone to think that I wasn’t doing my job as a mom. I failed to teach him not to dump, swipe, kick and de-magnetize. Therefor I am a failure.
No. Obviously that’s insane. Obviously I’m acting a fool. And obviously this is where G gets it from.
But dudes, this is why Preschool is so hard. Letting go of your little baby to become a real person in the world, mistakes and all, without the ability to say, NO DON’T RUN AWAY WITH SCISSORS is.hard. But you have to just hope you did some things right so far and that they will figure it out.
His teacher told me this little story that I’m going to try to remember to tell you. Because it’s sweet. And I think about it when I want to run in and protect G from a non swiping world.
Ok, here we go
A cocoon had a butterfly in it at some place. A little girl wanted to see it. She watched the butterfly try to get out of the cocoon but it couldn’t quite do it. So she shoved her fingers in there to help it out. It got out but it was weak and pretty much died. It needed the struggle of the cocoon escape to become strong and survive in the world. And the help that the little girl gave essentially was it’s demise.
Ok that’s an awful story and not at all how it actually was told. But you get it. Helping our kids too much will only hurt them. They need the struggles to grow and be strong. And grow butterfly lasers to destroy anything in their path. Or something.
G has good days and bad days at school now. And it’s still an exercise for me to let it all go. Because he’s 2 and it’s not Harvard. We have a long road ahead of us of ups and down and slutty girlfriends and stuff. So we need to buckle up.
It’s only just beginning.
Thanks to Three Little Birds Children’s boutique for sponsoring this past bottle of wine that I just bought. These guys make the cutest little baby teethers. Your baby will resemble a wild animal as it gnaws the shit of these things. And they are adorable. AND make super cute hippie gifts. Check them out. This one is one of my faves. Use code MODG20 for 20% off.
Interested in joining the MODG sponsor family? Email my face at modgblog at gmail you know the rest.