Hi guys. It’s me.
I’ve been thinking about how this would go and what I would say to you at this moment for months now. I’d form a few sentences and then find myself rambling and scrap the whole thing. This went on and on as I’d dry my hair at night, as I’d fall asleep, as I’d attempt to watch American Idol. But nothing seemed right.
I owe you an explanation. I know that. I need to tell you where I’ve been. Why I left you hanging. But the answer isn’t as simple as I’d like it to be.
I started this blog on July 29th, 2009. The post was titled “I thought breast pumps were shoes, truth”. And now I just spent the better part of 2013 exclusively pumping for my second child. So that should give you a pretty good picture of how much life has changed in almost 5 years.
I’m a mom to two kids. And those two kids are my air and stars and sunshine and gummy bears. And as 2014 is taking shape, I’m finally starting to see a small glimmer of an adult life creeping back in as well. A small part of me that includes wine, dates, shopping, friends and DVR. It’s a happy little sparkle that can cozy right up next to my gummy bears.
However, getting to this point has been a tough road. We haven’t had the easiest of paths. We’ve faced a number of challenges as all parents do. We all choose to handle these challenges differently. To add to our challenges, I’ve struggled with anxiety for the better part of my life. I was the kid in kindergarten throwing up before school because I was too nervous for show and tell. Now, as a mother, my anxiety showed it’s ugly little face again. And it’s been a challenge to balance the natural worry that we all feel for our kids with unnatural levels of anxiety.
As I’ve shared our stories with moms that I meet at school, or elsewhere, the one common thread that I find is that almost all of us feel like we’re not doing a good enough job. We all worry about our inadequacies day in and day out. I was talking to a very cool, “with it” mom of 3 kids who said she battles guilt every day that she just isn’t doing it right. Or that it just isn’t enough. And I could totally relate. We all can.
Hi guys. It’s me. I’ve been thinking about how this would go and what I would say to you…