Maybe I should always include a giveaway in my controversial posts. Maybe I should also specifically instruct everyone to not be an asshole in the comments regularly. I say this because ALL 328 comments left on the last post were supportive, positive and encouraging. Thank you for that.
Let’s get something clear people, whether a mom formula feeds, breast feeds, co-sleeps, cries it out, feeds solids at 4 months or 14 months, every one of those moms really thinks they are doing the best thing for their kid. And not like, sort of best thing for their kid but secretly good for mom too. No really like, best thing for their kid.
The mom who feeds their kids solids early may think that their kid will sleep better and be a happier healthier baby who will meet milestones faster. The mom who feeds formula may have a baby who gets eczema and diarrhea from breast milk and they just want their baby better. And the mom who cries it out probably just wants their baby to sleep better and this solution was the last straw. NOT the first option. I’m guessing that mom, me included, rocked their baby 4 thousand times, replaced paci’s 7070 times, co-slept and straight up held the child for hours on end. But something had to give. Because maybe that mom has a toddler too who needs their mom. And that baby just needs to sleep.
Do I sound extra explainy? I know. That’s because I got a lot of flack for the last post. Not from you guys who read, and know me. I’ll just leave it at that. But it was brutal and not fair.
So this is another PSA to remind us all (myself included) to NOT JUDGE MOMS. I’m looking at you hippies.
There is a new breed of hippie out there. Not the peace and love ones but one I’ll call the hippie snob. The hippie who turns up their nose at formula moms or cry it out moms and say things like…oh this makes my heart hurt (or much much worse). Because they think the rest of us just don’t know any better. And it reeks of judgey.
As a card carrying scoby growing, kombucha drinking, muscle tested hippie, I’m ashamed of this group. It’s giving us all a bad name. Because you can be a hippie mom and have to make tough choices. And this is ok. Because every single one of us IS TRYING TO DO THE BEST THING FOR OUR KIDS. So worry about you and your kids and not mine and not hers or hers or HERS.
With that being said, here’s what’s been going on in the MODG house.
Night 1: Nursed Ruby to very very sleepy, put her in the crib without paci. She cried. A lot. I went in at 5 minutes “it’s ok Ruby, I’m here in the next room, you’re doing so great. I’m so proud of you. Close your eyes and rest. I love you”. Then again in 5 minutes. Then again in 10 minutes. And then she was asleep.
Naps the next day we didn’t do any crying. My sleep lady and I didn’t think it was fair to throw her all in at once and we wanted her to be well rested for the sleep learning at night. So I rocked, and paci’d and nursed. All crap naps all day.
**This is when I got the flack for my last post and as MUCH as I wanted to brush it off. It stuck with me. Because no mom who ever hears their child cry thinks “this is awesome!”. No, it’s hard. But change in general is hard. So when people are telling me I’m a horrible mother, it’s creeping in. And for that reason…night 2 happened.
Night 2: Nursed to drowsy, put her in the crib. She cries. I gave her the paci. I caved with the criticism ringing in my ears. She went to sleep. Now you may think: well all that matters is that she’s sleeping right? No the point is for her to learn to self soothe. And when that paci falls out, who is going to be there at 1am 2am 3am 4am 5am 6am to put it back? You? Oh ok, cool.
Naps the next day status quo. Crap.
Night 3: I got a virtual kick in the ass from my sleep lady who told me the WORST thing I can do is not send a consistent message. It’s confusing to a baby why sometimes they get the paci and sometimes they don’t. She’s totally right and I want this to be as easy on her as possible. No paci. Checked in 5 minutes, another 5. Asleep.
Naps still a bitch
Night 4: Nursed, no paci and NO CRYING. SHE IS HAPPY IN HER CRIB. SHE IS BABBLING. SHE IS ASLEEP IN 5 MINUTES. SHE SELF SOOTHED. You guys, she did it.
I want to point out that I included 2 dream feeds throughout each night and if she woke up any more times, I went in and nursed her. The purpose of the crying was just to get her to learn how to sleep on her own. Ruby’s weight hasn’t been where is should be so it’s important that she gets lots of night milk too, which I’m sort of whatever fine with.
But that my friends, is what cry it out can look like. It’s not always putting baby in a room and walking away. In my opinion, it’s the most gentle way of teaching a baby about sleep.
Next we need to tackle naps. We are still cat nappers. And it’s GD torture. And the poor little thing is so tired by the end of the day.
So let’s recap people.
Don’t judge a mom by her cover. Judge her by her mom jeans.
And the winner of the super duper mother’s day necklace from Adorn 512 is from a commenter who was so supportive and so positive and so thoughtful in her comment, that it really helped me through a difficult week. And for that reason, she is the winner of the necklace. She is more than deserving. Jaime, email me at modgblog at gmail dot com.
Jaime May 4, 2013 at 2:41 pm
It seems like you might need some encouragement from someone who has a bit of distance from this issue, because that is all I have to offer, but I can’t give you any sleep back.
My kids are 14 (boy) and 16 (girl). They are right this minute on a “bro-date” going to lunch and comic book stores for free comic day while I am home sick. They hang out all the time and set aside time for each other on purpose. I have been down the road you are on and I have to tell you to stick with it.
It doesn’t seem like it right this minute, but what you are trying to teach your kids is to be self-reliant. This is the very beginning of that journey. Get your kid to learn she won’t die if she goes to sleep by herself. The other thing that happens completely by accident at the exact same time is: you learn your kid can sleep by herself without you and no one will die.
These kinds of things are going to keep coming up and you’ll have to keep deciding when the right time is. When my daughter turned 16 she wasn’t quite ready to drive our car, which is a stick shift, alone. We talked. We agreed. We kept working at it. Then one day, I handed her the keys and asked her to use all she has learned and do her best to be safe and responsible. She wasn’t all the way ready – she never will be – and neither will I, but there is a day you have to say you’ve gotten everything I can show you and now it is time.
My daughter is going to college in a year. While a part of me thinks that I’d love for her to be useless without me so I could always be there for everything, what I really want to do is send a confident, smart, lovely girl into the world and hope she can rely on herself because I showed her that she can.
So, ditch the pacifier, bungee your boobs down if you have to, get earplugs and get started. You have to commit and not look back and remember the goal is about her. She will only cry louder and longer if you cave in. This isn’t about convenience or cruelty and everyone will benefit from it. Keep up the good fight.
Sleepy baby love,