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My kid won’t sleep part a million. Also google is f-ing with me.

April 22, 2013

You know how when your kid is acting a fool and you’re like at a real low point. Like the kid is eating toilet paper daily (you know who you are). Or the kid is hitting your face because you won’t let him run across the highway with a butcher knife. Or maybe you’re like most of us and your kid JUST.WON’T.SLEEP.

So you google. Because that’s the answer to sleep questions, medical questions and time travel questions. Guess what? You don’t want to find the answer. Well, you sort of do. What you really want to find is a billion other people who are in just as much misery as you and have your level 98 dark circles. And if you do find someone who has it figured out? You want to sort of throat punch them. Especially after you tried all of their smart shit and your kid still farts in the wind at your white noise machine and your “schedule” and your anything that makes sense at all.

I know this because I googled.

And the first result was this…You know the result that you should really click on because it will most likely be the answer to all of your prayers



Right. I wrote that.


This happened in the day dark of my daughter’s room as I rocked her for the 93rd time in one nap. Dudes, we are so F’d. This child defies all of my genius that I figured out with G. Now, to my own super important ego credit, I did say  in that post that my smart shit probably won’t work for you because I googled the F out of the internet to figure it all out.

Ruby is currently screaming in her room as I write this because I can not run up the stairs one more time to put her pacifier in. Or nurse her. Or rock her. ONE.MORE.TIME. And we’re talking about in the time span of an hour. She pulls that 20 minute shit. Where she wakes up after getting JUUUUST enough sleep to pop her little baby eyes open and screeeeam to say MOMMYI’MUUUUUUUP. And you know she needs more sleep. Because you need to do some GD stuff too without a baby hooked onto your hip.

But here’s the thing you guys. Ruby is sweet. She is the sweetest little girl in the USA. G was a dick baby. I love him dearly, but he was a dick baby. He hated life. And he was juuust enough of a dick that it was warranted to get him out of our bed and into his crib. But hearing Ruby cry is hard. Don’t get me wrong, hearing G cry was hard too. And don’t you dare leave me comments saying that I’m a bad mother to G or to my cats or to my plants, because I will seriously cut you open. But with Ruby it’s just different.


Maybe it’s because she’s a girl. And I know that there is everything on earth wrong with that sentence. But I just can’t bare to let that little girl cry up there. But my brain knows that she has to learn to put herself to sleep. I have really never even given her the chance to learn. And part of that is because I DARE not wake the beast who is napping in the room next door. The other part is that B has been traveling like  crazy and I can’t do all the sleep teaching alone. It’s emotionally awful. You also don’t sleep for days.

(I just gave in and ran upstairs to rock her AGAIN)

So my all learned up brain knows that to have a good sleeper they have to learn how to put themselves to sleep. Every hippie I know has a bad sleeping kid (self admittedly). And this is because they never taught their kid how to self soothe. There is a window for this and it’s I think between 5-7 months. So we just entered it. I’m not looking to night wean the child. But I am looking for her to sleep longer than 30 minute stretches. I’m looking for her to not open her eyes and scream bloody murder because my boob isn’t in her face. These are simple requests BABIES.

I know that as a parent it’s my job to teach her this. G, as a 2 year old is no longer a dick sleeper. He’s a FANTASTIC sleeper. And he says to me “mommy I tired” or he says “more crib”. He loves to sleep and I love him 4 times more for it.

But Ruuuuuuby. Oh little Ruby who smiles all the day long. Who never cries. Who is the sweetest little cupcake to ever cup or cake. How do I do this with her? How do I teach her?


I tried this:

Ruby it’s time to sleep. You have to sleep now. Ok, sleep little girl. I’ll buy you a new dress if you sleep? Sleeping is so great!

That didn’t work.

I tried stretching her schedule so she’s awake longer. She just woke up angrier.

I tried putting her to sleep earlier. She bit me. And stayed awake.

So there you have it internet. If you read my nap post where I have it aaaalllll figured out, this is your reward and this is your punch in the throat to me.



And with that, Ruby’s nap is over.

Who do you think won?

Photo on 2013-04-22 at 15.54 #5



And that post was brought to you by the fine folks at Designstiles Nurseries. Dudes, the fact that she wanted to advertise here is like an honor to me. I’m embarrassed that she has even seen my own handiwork because she is THAT good of an interior designer. I love the new direction that lots of interior designers are going towards with e-decorating. Her prices are super reasonable. You just send dimensions, fill out a questionnaire and she does the work for you. She also does hourly consulting. And dudes, I WISH I knew about her when I was doing my house. She doesn’t only do nurseries. I know this because I’m currently drooling over THIS that she did.

SONY DSCugh. I know. Want it. All.

Seriously. Check out Irene. Tell her I sent you. And Irene, help me too. Please.



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  • Una April 22, 2013 at 5:05 pm

    I know this probably isn’t what you want to hear, but my theory is that every baby has their one dick thing. Like, my son is super happy and well-behaved and eats like a champ, BUT he has always been a bad sleeper no matter how hard we tried to change it. And then I have a friend whose baby is an amazing sleeper but had tons of nursing issues. It’s always something. I think this is like an evolutionary insurance policy that we as moms don’t hate each other too much for having comparatively perfect offspring.

    • Jamie April 22, 2013 at 10:21 pm

      Una you are SO right! My daughter slept like champ when she was first born, but we had butt loads of nursing issues until she was about 3 months old. We finally got our nursing issues sorted out and then she decided to stop sleeping through the night and now she wakes up at least 10 times a night. Kill Me.

    • Maggie April 23, 2013 at 8:37 am

      Una, I completely agree and always say the same thing. I have a happy baby who doesn’t cry much, goes to bed well, usually sleeps through the night and eats like a champ. HOWEVER, he also wakes up at 5:30am and napping is the bane if my existence. No baby is perfect, there is always something to make you crazy!

    • MODG April 23, 2013 at 1:38 pm

      I KNOW this in my head but I really don’t want to believe it.

  • GreekWife April 22, 2013 at 5:09 pm

    Ahh the correlation between sleep and love. It’s strong!

  • Rachael April 22, 2013 at 5:13 pm

    I remember when you went through this with G. You felt like it was super hard just like you do now (because it IS super freaking hard). Do you remember.. you put signs up on doors… “This is for his benefit” “it’ll help in the long run” etc.

    One thing I have done for myself (becuase I have never been able to let them cry more than 10 minutes.. at any age) is just make them wait a few minutes. Just a few. I would go to the bathroom. Grab a quick drink of water. Do something for me that I couldn’t do when I was actually w/ the baby. I believe that most kids who are taught to wait for a few minutes… end up learning to sleep just a bit quicker. They find it less desirable to scream every 2 minutes (for weeks on end) if they know they’ll have to wait just a bit.

    Just my 2 cents. You are doing great. I would never be able to let that sweet face cry it out either.

    • MODG April 23, 2013 at 1:39 pm

      ok I’m going to try this

      • Lisa McP April 24, 2013 at 3:59 am

        Good idea! You want her to learn to settle herself, by herself, without you there. That means she has to learn to do it on her own. She can’t learn to self settle with you there. My son strokes his hair. He learned how to do that when I left him to it. Now that he’s a bit older and upset I can even say to him, “stroke your hair, that’s right, calm down sweetie.” That wasn’t anything I could teach him! He figured it out on his own. Xx

  • Caeli April 22, 2013 at 5:16 pm

    So this is hilarious. I mean it’s not because the situation sucks but it is be ause I’ve been having the worst time ever with my little girl (just 2 weeks older than Ruby) and I googled “how to get your baby to nap for more than 20 minutes” and guess whose blog popped up??? I instantly remembered reading that post a couple years ago and now it’s so much funnier/ more horrible because its so real for me now. Good luck to us!!!

  • Kelly P April 22, 2013 at 5:21 pm

    I totally second what Una said. My son, now 3, was an amazing sleeper. Like the kind they write about when they are trying to sucker you into procreating. He slept 10-11 hour stretches at 8 weeks old and never looked back. But as a 3 yr old non-listening aggravation machine he is a dick. He is also super sweet, caring, friendly in the way that makes me want to introduce “stranger danger” like…well, last week. But my nearly 2-1/2 year old daughter is a sleep dick. She has slept through the night (defined by me as an 8 hour stretch) exactly 13 times. Yes, thirteen times in 2 years, 3 months and 5 days. It sucks. She is in bed at 9, up as soon as my head is settled on my pillow (usually between 1AM-2AM) and I don’t know how she knows exactly when I am drifting, but she totally does. Then usually up again between 4-5am, maybe once more around 7am and up for the day promptly at 8:58am. Never 9am because in my head those extra couple of minutes that would kick me to another hour DO matter. She also doesn’t nap. My son gave that up at age 2, she gave it up at about 18 months. People tell me it could be worse, they could be up at 6am. I want to stick those people in the eye with a sharp object. Good luck with Ruby Snoozer. Yeah, try calling her that name and maybe she’ll take the hint.

  • Renee April 22, 2013 at 5:22 pm

    This is totally unorthodox, but we used a wedge so our son was laying upwards on a slant and let him sleep on his stomach. Once we did that, he slept 12 hours a night.

  • Amy Simmons April 22, 2013 at 5:25 pm

    I know this is not related, but I NEED to know where you got your rug in that last photo… :)

    • MODG April 23, 2013 at 1:40 pm


      • Amy Simmons April 24, 2013 at 9:44 am

        Thanks! I wish I has some advice on the whole baby sleep thing but mine is 4 months and does the same thing. I use a swing for nap time during the day and we cosleep and she sleeps for about 10-12 hours at night waking once or twice to eat. I know I need to put her in her crib, but know that I will lose all the sleep we are getting now. Good luck to you.

  • Jenny G. @ We G Three April 22, 2013 at 5:26 pm

    So… Want to hear my (probably unpopular) opinion on all this? Probably not, but you’re going to anyway. I think the whole, “oh, we as parents need to TEACH our babies to sleep/self-soothe” is crap. Babies know how to sleep.
    I’ve never “taught” my kid how to sleep or self-soothe, and you know what? She knows how to do both. Does she want to always when I want/need/think she should? Hell no. And therein lies the problem. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t know how to do it.
    My Ruby is a prize-winning nap fighter. I do what I can to set up the perfect storm of amazing nap-time, and sometimes, she takes an amazing nap. And then there’s alllllllllllllll those other times that she doesn’t. I will try to help her back to sleep (and yes, I do it in ways that don’t involve leaving her to cry, because in my (again, likely unpopular) opinion, leaving her to cry just teaches her that I don’t come when she cries. If she goes back down, great! If not, well, naps are not the hill I’m going to die on. There’s three things you can’t win against a baby with: eating, pooping (yes, my Ruby used to only poop once a week too), and sleeping. And I refuse to let baby sleep make me crazy (ok, sometimes it still does when I really need a break, but I’m working on it).
    And you know what? She’s a healthy, happy, almost one year old. And when she wants to, she puts herself right back to sleep. And I feel a lot more sane not spending my whole day trying to make her (like I used to).
    Good luck, Modg. It sounds like our girls are a lot alike, and I feel for ya.

    • MODG April 22, 2013 at 5:33 pm

      No I agree really I do. But my method is not just leaving a kid to cry. It’s coming in letting them know you are there but not necessarily rocking them through every single sleep cycle. I just don’t think that is healthy for anyone

      • Jenny G. @ We G Three April 22, 2013 at 5:35 pm

        I’m with ya. That’s when we abandon the nap. I will try to get her back to sleep, usually once. After that, f it. Nap over.

        • Jenny G. @ We G Three April 22, 2013 at 5:42 pm

          I should probably also add, that the whole “shhhh, mommy’s here, go back to sleep, I’m not picking you up though, it’s ok” thing only pushes her into a rage of insanity, waking her up further. So that’s off the table for us, hence the nap abandoning.

  • Jasmine April 22, 2013 at 5:28 pm

    I feel ya. It sucks on every level. I have a sleep hating baby too and every day and night WAS a struggle when it’s time for sleep. I really like It is full of great ideas and information. When my little girl turned 6 months, we went in for her check up and the doctor advised us to try sleep training like this:
    Bedtime routine. (I nurse at the very end, but do it downstairs with lights on and my husband talking to me) Next, put her down to bed in a happy soothing way. (Loves, kisses, we use a sleep sack or baby merlin’s sleep suit and use white noise) Let her cry for 10 min, go in and show her you are there with a gentle touch on belly or whatever… no picking her up. Again, for the next 10 until at 30 min then go do what you need to do. Next night, do it every 20 min until an hour has gone by and then do what you need to do. If she wakes up the first night, give her 10 and do it as you would in the beginning. I don’t really do that last part because I feel that has more to do with night weaning unless I know there is no way she is hungry. Also, when my girl first wakes up, I give her a few just in case she really is actually asleep. It was hard. I had to consume wine and let daddy do a lot of it. Once nights are good, move on to naps (which will be harder) Good luck in whatever way you choose!

  • Laura April 22, 2013 at 5:30 pm

    Thats funny. I am not sure if you read these comments…and I really dont have any advice. Actually what I have to say kind of sucks. We do have our kids in common. My boy is 2 1/2 and my daughter just turned 7 months. The boy was hell on wheels when it came to sleep. Just flat out sucked ass at it for a very long time. We did the whole, dont pick him back up once you put him down. That gave us 5 straight hours that we never had since he was BORN! But then, we wanted more. So we kept at it. Which resulted in him crying for a couple of hours, then it would be “nap” time and he would go back to sleep. I would sit there in the room while he cried for 2 hours trying to comfort him in his crib. total bull shit. he wasnt crying because he was scared or sad. he was pissed! One night, the one of many that my husband was out of town, I just gave up. I went in there, tried consoling him. shhhhing him, telling him its bed time and that I love you, blah blah blah. he didnt buy it. I decided that i wasnt going to sit here another night and listen to him scream at me. He is a smart baby, I know he is not hungry because I had spent the last 3 months prior nursing him for a total of 5 min before he would fall asleep again. so i went next door to my bed room and crawled into my bed. 5 min…literally 5 min that boy went to sleep. Still didnt stop him for doing it over and over again for a couple more months. The thing is…and I know I took the round about way of saying this is….the boy went to sleep on his own. he figured it out when his brain was ready to figure it out. same with crawling and walking and talking. we like to think we have control over this, but we dont. My daughter…the Gorgeous Perfection….is a great napper. shitty sleeper. she can put herself to sleep. i have seen her do it. I have heard her do it. But for some reason, at night, she still needs milk or me or something. I do know that she will figure it out. Ehhh, like I said, I doubt you read these….but I hope that gives you some comfort that your not alone. Plus, if your boy can figure it out, then I am sure she can. Shit, the vagina gives her the cutting edge!

    • MODG April 22, 2013 at 5:35 pm

      Thanks and yes I read every one

  • Mary April 22, 2013 at 5:33 pm

    Oh, it hurts, doesn’t it? I just went through this after discovering that rocking my sweet girl to sleep wasn’t helping either of us.

    First, I bought a book other moms recommended:

    Then, I just got started with following my instincts before the book arrived. I did the bedtime routine (for us, jammies, rocking while feeding last bottle of the day, white noise machine on) and then when she started to close her eyes or when the bottle finished, I gave her a pacifier, told her it was “night-night” (a term we’re using so she knows it’s bedtime/naptime) and put her in her crib, gave her some back/belly rubs and left the room, closing the door. Yes, she cried. When I couldn’t take it anymore (1 min?) I went back, gave her the pacifier again, little rub/pat, said “night-night” and left again. And repeat.

    Each time I did this, her cries got weaker – more of “I don’t like this, Mom” than “OMG WHY AREN’T YOU SAVING ME FROM THIS HELL?!” I did this for about 45 min the first night, then she passed out. And slept all through the night! Next few nights – 30 min. And now, she may protest a little and keep sitting up wanting to play and work on her standing skills, but I just keep laying her back down, and she usually quiets and falls asleep after 10-20 min most nights. But the best part is when I can hear her wake up in the middle of the night, roll over, find her own pacifier and go back to sleep. Ahhh… success.

    When I got the book, I realized I was doing just about everything they recommended. Except the book recommends leaving for 5 min, 10 min, and 15 min. I cannot bare to do it that long.

    Good luck! Follow your instincts and stay sane!

    • MODG April 23, 2013 at 1:41 pm

      I have that book. I’m just terrified to put it into practice

    • Sara April 25, 2013 at 5:06 pm

      I did the 5, 10, 15 minutes with my son! Granted, I had a special weapon… knowledge. August was a good sleeper in a lot of ways early on. Then, around 5 months, he lost it all and was waking up several times a night and wanted to slap my teeth straight if I dared to put him down for a nap. But, knowing that he was capable of sleeping like a normal, nonshitty person, made it a little easier.

      It’s hard hearing him cry. And he used to flip the fack out when I would leave the room. But he’s almost 8 months now, and rarely gives a shit when I put him down. When he would cry like a crazy person, I would go into a part of the house (usually the basement) where the only way I could hear him was on the monitor. And then I turned the monitor down so that he wasn’t releasing a level-5 ear assault. I kept it at a volume that I could still hear him, but I could turn on the tv at a normal volume if I wanted to. It made it way easier to let him cry. And I set a timer, so and didn’t allow myself to go in before the timer was up. He cried all through the 5 minutes, but rarely made it through the next 10. There have been times where it is super obvious he is not going to take a nap (like when this nonsense goes on for an hour) but those times are so rare now. And when I go in, I don’t pick him up. Picking him up is surrendering. I rub his back, pop his pacifier back in, straighten out his blanket, talk softly to him, and restart his sea dreams soother, and I don’t stay in for more than 2 minutes, even if he isn’t done being pissed off.

      It’s tough bitch time. And 5, 10, 15 minutes isn’t even that tough-bitch-y, when it comes down to it.

  • Inna April 22, 2013 at 5:35 pm

    Poor MODG. I can so relate. My baby did this for 5.5 months. 30 minute naps TO THE MINUTE. It made me want to cry (who am I kidding, I did cry) because whenever I put her down I knew EXACTLY when she would wake up. And when I heard that cry 30 minutes later I was so angry. I tried everything to get her back to sleep and none of it worked, until one day, she was suddenly ready. At 5.5 months something clicked, and she allowed me to rock her back to sleep and slept for another 30 minutes. Eventually I could just pat her back down, and then she slept through the cycle by herself. Longer naps are developmental, and while SUPER frustrating, it just takes some babies a little longer to get to them. Hang in there!

  • Susan April 22, 2013 at 5:36 pm

    I feel your pain!! My girls (4 & 2) are 21.5 months apart. My oldest was my bad sleeper and the book “90 minute baby sleep solution” saved my life and my sanity. If you haven’t read it, run (don’t walk) and order it now! I read it the first time and thought it was a load of hooey, but my hippie cousin swore by it, so I gave it a shot. The first week was hard, but then it was like my fairy godmother had waved here wand and “hippy-hoppy-boo” (as my girls say) and I had a baby who self-soothed and now slept like a champ. Training #2 was tough because she was a “come along” kid who had to nap wherever she was because we were out for Sissy’s school, gymnastics, playdate, etc, but as long as I read her cues and gave her the chance to get to sleep in the carrier with the hood up, she slept.

    I wish you luck and am sending lots of good sleeping baby vibes your way!!

  • Sonya April 22, 2013 at 5:53 pm

    Hi MODG, I have never commented before, but this road I have been down twice now. My little baby dick is a month younger than G with all the same attitude. My baby girl is a month younger than Ruby and sweet as cupcakes too. So I’m like you a month later. Anyway, your head is right and you have to teach her. It’s the first hard lesson you’ll have to teach your sweet girl, but you’ll all be better for it. My 4 month old, while I knew much more this time after round 1 with baby dick, now takes 2+ hour naps and sleeps 11 hours at night since learning how to self-soothe and a tiny bit of letting her cry. We have this somewhat “famous” sleep trainer out here in CA and I have all of the notes. She is somewhat harsh, but you can take parts of it as you wish. Feel free to email me if you’re interested and I can send you all the notes. She has helped 900 of my closest friends in the Bay Area and her step-by-step really works if you stick to it.

    • emily b April 22, 2013 at 9:24 pm

      Sonya, I’d love a copy of the notes if you don’t mind sharing?? :)

      • AMK April 23, 2013 at 10:31 am

        Sonya, please send the notes!! My first (a girl) is due one month from tomorrow and I am already having sleep training anxiety :/
        THANK YOU!

      • Sonya May 2, 2013 at 11:19 pm

        Sure, Emily what is your email? Works magic!

    • MODG April 23, 2013 at 1:42 pm

      what the hell I’ll take them too. modgblog at gmail dot com

      • Colleen April 23, 2013 at 2:48 pm

        I have a friend in the Bay Area who used that same sleep specialist (I think- she’s famous in the Bay Area, how many can there be) and my friend called her “her sleep angel.” Highly recommended her.

    • Nina April 23, 2013 at 6:39 pm

      I’m in the Bay Area and…yeah, I think I need this person. My guy is not a terrible night sleeper but he wakes up painfully early more days than not and his naps have gone to shit since he started daycare. Can you send me the name and contact info? ninawasow at gmail dot com. Thanks!!

    • Cathy April 24, 2013 at 11:07 am

      Sonya, can I have those notes too, please? Since my baby also think napping more than 30 minutes is overrated. Linkin_kitkat at Hotmail. Com. Thank you!

    • amy April 24, 2013 at 2:04 pm

      would love a copy of those notes too please!!!
      atm129 at gmail dot com

    • Kristi April 25, 2013 at 12:18 pm

      Sonya, don’t hold out on us! I NEED the notes!! mariposakrk @ yahoo . com

      Thank you!!

      • Ali May 1, 2013 at 9:14 pm

        Wth – I’m in the throes of this crap with baby #2 and sooo sick of these damn cat (not cat, “crappy baby”) naps. Would love to have this as well if you don’t mind sharing one more time! Now if I can just get both of my exhausted eyes to go in the same direction long enough to read it . . . ;\

        • Ali May 1, 2013 at 9:15 pm

          see, told ya i’m exhausted . . . email would be helpful.

  • Natalie April 22, 2013 at 5:54 pm

    My son is exactly the same way right now. And he’s congested, so now he won’t sleep and CAN’T sleep. I think I got a total of three hours of sleep last night. He takes 30 minute naps at the most and wants to eat ALL DAMN NIGHT. I actually prayed last night I was so tired. I sat there rocking him for the three-hundredth time and prayed to anyone who would listen to please oh lawd make ma baby sleep for more than ten freaking minutes at a time! And he does not want Daddy in the middle of the night. Oh no, that won’t do. Only Moooommmmmmy!!! And like Ruby, my Max is like the sweetest little thing during the day. All gummy smiles and drool. Cheers to all of us moms pulling out our hair at 3:00 a.m…good luck, yo!

  • Anna April 22, 2013 at 5:57 pm

    Hey Amanda — my babies are 23 months and 5 months too. I also can’t let my baby CIO just yet. I did our first at 9 months and has been a champ sleeper since. I tried CIO 2 weeks ago for 2 days and gave up — it’s not the same experience at 5 months than it was at 8 months old with my first. So my advice is waiting with ruby for a few more weeks. My 5 month old sucks at sleep too — bad all day and bad all night. I have just decided to wait on CIO until she is older. Good luck!

  • Kat April 22, 2013 at 5:59 pm

    I Lola’s reading your post and tried to think of something constructive, but I couldn’t. The adorable, giggly smile if your daughter eliminated all constructive thoughts. all I can really say is awwww!!! So adorbs! You probably will not get that one to self sooth, you’ll be too busy picking her up and cuddling! (At least that’s what I’d do :p)

  • Kat April 22, 2013 at 6:00 pm

    And that was lol’d… Ugh. Autocorrect

  • Lauren @ T&G April 22, 2013 at 6:04 pm

    Because Ruby is so different than G, I wouldn’t assume that sleep training will take days and be awful. My son was sleep trained in like 2 days, and each night it was 30 minutes max of the ferber method before he fell asleep. I also get it bothering you more when Ruby cries than it did with G. My baby sounds like a G/Ruby hybrid. He can be the best baby ever, but he can also be like bitch please and hate me all day. When he’s crying just because he feels like, for no discernible reason, I don’t have much of a reaction. But when he’s otherwise happy and all of a sudden becomes sad, I can’t deal with it for even a second before I go pick him up.

    • Lauren @ T&G April 23, 2013 at 10:02 pm

      After reading everyone else’s comments, I kind of feel like an asshole mom. When my baby cries in his crib I’m like, sorry dude, the book says I can’t pick you up so my hands are really tied on this one! I didn’t feel the least bit sad when going through sleep training. It was like having a methodical approach took all the emotion out of it for me, and it was simply my responsibility to follow the plan and stick with it. Also, I may just be an asshole.

      • Devan April 26, 2013 at 6:04 am

        I was kinda like this…rules are rules…cant pick ya up, sorry. It does help to turn down the baby monitor and set a timer…you think they are crying for HOURRRSSSS but its not that long, really. You’re not an asshole. :)

  • Rae April 22, 2013 at 6:04 pm

    Irene is cool and all, but I like your style better.

  • Tayler April 22, 2013 at 6:08 pm

    I so feel your pain. My daughter is 15 months, and around 5 months I excitedly started to institute a nap schedule as that’s ‘the prime time.’ I spent a solid 2 months fighting her all day long, every day. I tried everything, attachment type soothing, Ferber type soothing, sound machines, swings, everything. Nothing worked, she was pissed 24/7, and I was anxious and exhausted as jenk from her never sleeping and always crying no matter what I did. So from there I followed her cues because fuck fighting unsuccessfully every day, and we fell into a four-thirty minute naps a day routine. Which eventually switched to a two-thirty minute naps a day schedule, and is now a two-thirty minute to two hour naps a day schedule. I take what I can get and have just accepted that I can’t control the situation so I won’t stress myself out over it. The only suggestion I have for you is buy a wubanub. Seriously. I thought they were ridiculously funny when I stumbled across them but that shiv is my savior. They don’t fall to the floor/roll away from the baby/fall down in the car seat like regular pacifiers and additionally are easier for the baby to put in their own mouth once they can grasp. You won’t ever regret it.

    • MODG April 23, 2013 at 1:43 pm

      we had one but she didn’t “prefer” that type of pacifier. kill me.

      • Tayler April 24, 2013 at 9:55 pm

        -_- There is another type that you can just attach to any pacifier, I’m not sure what it’s called though

  • Sarah April 22, 2013 at 6:15 pm

    I have nothing to offer except for this site to distract you: Just put your blog address in there and click on Gizoogle Dis Shiznit for loads of fun. And don’t judge if you’ve seen this like ten years ago — I was just told about it.

  • Margo April 22, 2013 at 6:20 pm

    My almost 2 year old was a dick baby too. My new baby, who is almost 6 months…enjoys short naps as well – and I have to admit, he’s not a dick baby at all, and I have the same emotions when the looming thought of sleep training him comes to mind. I have no advice, but I can relate. Also, I read this the other day, and it made me feel good about my c’est la vie approach to everything these days. Mostly, because I would drive myself effing nuts if I tried to stay on any sort of a schedule or get into any sort of routine. Life’s too chaotic right now to even think about giving a shit, and this made me feel better! :-)

  • monika April 22, 2013 at 6:22 pm

    I’m going through the exact same thing with those GD “crap naps”. (That post you wrote about G’s napping is how I discovered your blog a month ago). I was wondering how you were doing the second time around… now I feel totally dejected.

  • Jessica April 22, 2013 at 6:35 pm

    ugh. i hated nap time for the longest time. my baby is 8 months old and still in a swing for nap time. i don’t know why, but that is the only way she takes naps. she will sleep in her crib for 12 hours at night. but come nap time if i put her in her crib she apparently has other plans. and we went through all kinds of sleep training methods to get her to sleep in her crib. the only one that worked? letting her cry until she fell asleep. she did this a few nights, then she realized i wasn’t dealing with her crap anymore and now she goes to sleep happily. and when she wakes up she talks to herself and rolls around her crib instead of screaming bloody murder. but she’s outgrowing the swing so we’re going to be doing nap time training starting pretty soon. god help us.

  • Mary April 22, 2013 at 6:37 pm

    Put her to sleep on her belly for a nap. You’re already a bad hippie for not co-sleeping, might as well break all the rules. But seriously, belly for naps.

  • Mandi April 22, 2013 at 6:37 pm

    MODG, I hope I have some of the sanity-saving advice you’re seeking: As the mom of a girl, now just a few months older than G, my sweet thang [who was almost named Ruby] simply refused to nap any longer than 25/30 minutes at once time – forty-five minutes if I was exceptionally, like super-duper-DUPER lucky – until she was 6 and-a-half months old.

    I thought I was doing it all wrong; I was a failure and was never going to get anything done during the day because just as I finally settled down into MY quiet time, she was up and at’em. I tried so many things – SO MANY THINGS! – and still, we failed. Thirty minute naps it was. Until one day, another mom-friend of mine who was helping out with my kiddo as I transitioned back into work casually mentioned, “Man, she’s so much like my son at this age when it comes to sleep. But you know what? Right around six or seven months, something clicked for him and his naps slowly started getting longer and longer. And here we are, with him taking 2+ hour naps every day. I bet she’ll do the same thing.” [Her son was around 1.5 around that time.]

    So. Although very simple, something about what she said gave me hope it WOULD eventually get better; that maybe this IS out of my control and I just have to give it some more time. You know: I needed to trust the process of letting go. Because you know what? Even though my girl catnapped like it was the cat’s pajamas, she, too, was darn sweet. So happy and so quick to smile. It was almost like the other mom needed to give me permission to not be so hard on myself in order for me to not be so hard on myself.

    And so I tried the path less traveled; letting her 25/30 minute naps be what they were most of the days [I still freaked out and got pissed on other days.] But you know what happened? One miraculous day, right around six months, she took a 60 minute nap. Then a couple of days later, a 75 or 80 minute nap. Then she started napping for 90+ minutes more regularly, and then it was almost every day. For like two whole hours! And then, just like that, the problem simply resolved on it’s own, just like magic. Except there was no magic involved.

    All this to say, there’s hope for you and your girl, too. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

  • Bethany April 22, 2013 at 6:38 pm

    I understand completely what you mean about it being different with the girl. Maybe it’s horrible, but I had a harder time listening to my daughter cry than my son. So if you’re a bad person for saying it, then so am I. Also, I’m not sure if this will work for you, but this is how I survived the awfulness that was my infant daughter’s nap time for many months. We have a carport that has a garage door on it. So the door closes to keep people out, but the back of the carport is completely open to our back patio. The only way Indigo would sleep was in the car, so every day, I would load up the kids, drive around until she conked out (usually only took 15 minutes, and I had special toys for my 3 year-old son that were just for car time, as incentive to be nice and quiet). Then I’d back into the carport, close the garage door, crack the window enough to hear her if she started to cry, and then my son and I would sneak inside. She’d sleep for two or three hours like that. It burned a lot of gas, but it was cheaper than sitters, therapy, or Scotch. It got us through the tough months until she finally started sleeping in a bed for nap time. Then she became the world’s best sleeper and would take 3 hour naps in my bed. (We don’t have a crib because neither of my kids ever slept in it. Our mattress sits on the bedroom floor. Not very stylish, but co-sleeping is what helped us all survive.) Hopefully you figure out a system that works, however unconventional it might be. And when all else fails, just remember that, like all terrible things, including major world wars, it will someday be a distant memory, and in the meantime, there is wine and bitch sessions to help you get through.

  • Kelly April 22, 2013 at 6:39 pm

    Sigh. My 4 year old slept in his crib from day 1, and slept through the night super early. Thought I had it all figured out I did. Until my happy all the time, sweet as pie, adorable Riley girl was born. Nine months in and I still go in three times a night most nights to replace a binkie, give a bottle, change her diaper, or (personal fave here) walk in there to soothe her and she is ASLEEP. She plays me in her sleep! Wtf baby girl? I just can’t bare it! And she isn’t even crying! She just whines a little bit! So yes, it is very much different, I don’t care what anyone says! Maybe it’s because she is my LAST baby ever? Female sisterhood already? Who knows, and I’m too tired to figure it out.

  • Yasmine April 22, 2013 at 6:45 pm

    My first was a HORRIBLE sleeper. He slept 2 hour stretches till he was a year old. I was miserable. With this one, I didn’t have the time nor energy to do that. So I gave her solids at 5 months. Around 530 I’d give her oatmeal some water in a sippy cup or with a straw, and then I nursed her at 7. I put her awake in her crib, and she sleeps till 5, nurses and sleeps till 8. I’m pretty sure she was waking up bc she was hungry. I know your not supposed to start solids till 6 months but I was like whatever about it bc I needed to sleep.

    • Yasmine April 22, 2013 at 9:55 pm

      Also if you don’t want to start solids try dream feeding. Put her to bed, and then before you go to sleep go into her room and nurse her. It might fill her up and allow her to sleep longer stretches. The 3 hour rule works too. Don’t let her be awake for longer then 3 hours after they wake up, put them down for naps even if they don’t seem tired.

  • Sarah April 22, 2013 at 6:51 pm

    YES. I SO needed this today. Neither of my kids napped. Not my 2 year old (who, as a “hippie” mom, I didn’t let him cry it out and am now up S creek), and not my 5 month old. I tried the Ergo. I tried the car. I tried letting her scream for 30 minutes. Nothing. The child literally was up at 6 and didn’t nap all day. How is this possible?
    They’ve won. I can’t even begin…

  • Carolyn April 22, 2013 at 7:01 pm

    I laughed at the Google part…I have a website where I write (in part) about work I do on my motorcycles, and I’d say at least 50% of the time when I Google some mechanical problem I’m having, the result is my own blog complaining about the problem in question. 😉

    Sorry to hear about the sleep fuckery. I first found your blog when I needed reading material for the 5+ times per night that my baby was up fussing, and your humor was a huge help to me. I shall send Happy Alcohol Foot Rub Vibes to you and hopefully that will solve all of your problems forever.

  • ES April 22, 2013 at 7:06 pm

    Unpopular opinion: But… solids?

    • Jesse April 22, 2013 at 7:59 pm

      Nope. World Health Organization and American Academy of Pediatrics say not until at least 6 months. Babies are not ready before then and studies show it does not promote sleep.

      • ES April 22, 2013 at 8:54 pm

        Yes, I know the recommendations. But thanks, Dr. J.

      • Yaz April 22, 2013 at 9:50 pm

        Not true. My ped said they recently changed their recommendations and to start at 4. Waiting until 6 increases the risk for food allergies. My daughter was up all night until I started solids and then she started sleeping 10 hour stretches.

        • MODG April 22, 2013 at 9:57 pm

          Yaz I say this lovingly but you need a new ped. That’s terrible advice. 4 months is too early for solids and delaying is always best for allergenic kids especially

          • Yaz April 23, 2013 at 3:40 pm

            I have a great ped. She has two toddlers and nursed both of them. She said at academy meeting this year new research said that delaying solids increases the risk for food allergies. My husband is also a doctor and did some research of his own an it’s all sound. They’re not saying start before 4 months, but between 4-6 is fine.


            Here’s further proof. I started my 8 month old when she was 5 months bc I knew she was hungry and wasn’t getting enough to eat. At 8 months, she now eats everything except honey, and so far no allergies.

        • Sarah April 23, 2013 at 6:25 am

          I have to say recommendations are different everywhere you go. I have a 14yr old that I raised in the States. Having moved to Scotland a couple years ago, I’ve raised my 1yr old (today!) here and have friends with babes at home that are around the same age. The differences are abundant. They certainly start solids sooner here. But the birthing process was AMAZING compared. Along with the whole pregnancy. Just do what works for you and your kids. Be the best mom you can. And drink. But not while your preg or MODG will call the cops.

          • ES April 23, 2013 at 7:04 am

            MODG, I say this lovingly, but that allergy recommendation is outdated.


          • Maggie April 23, 2013 at 8:56 am

            I agree, recommendations vary. My ped is super well known in my large city (seriously, you can drop her name at any hospital and get respect, my boss got me in as a patient) and she recommends starting anytime after 4 months (but you get in “trouble” with her if you are not doing it fully by 6 months). I was going to wait till 6 months anyway, but my baby was ready at 5 months, so I started slowly at that point, then picked it up after 6 months. That said, I have not heard about this being related to allergy prevention and while food may help some babies with sleep I noticed absolutely no change.

          • MODG April 23, 2013 at 9:05 am


            This article explains that it is not the late introduction that is the risk factor, it is not following slow and gradual food introduction.

            In any case, a questionnaire study sponsored by Danone does not good science make.

          • Jill April 23, 2013 at 9:41 am

            I think ES is right. Things have changed very recently in fact. My son is 9 months old and according to my pediatrician, the recommendations have changed in the last few months. You are not to start solids before 4-6 months and while it is recommended that you introduce new foods incrementally, you don’t have to withhold any allergenic foods unless there is a family history of allergies to those foods. On a purely anecdotal note, my son had the same sleep issue at that age, and at 5 months we introduced solids and he slept like a champ.

          • MODG April 23, 2013 at 1:49 pm

            additionally: From birth until somewhere between four and six months of age, babies possess what is often referred to as an “open gut.” This means that the spaces between the cells of the small intestines will readily allow intact macromolecules, including whole proteins and pathogens, to pass directly into the bloodstream.This is great for your breastfed baby as it allows beneficial antibodies in breastmilk to pass more directly into baby’s bloodstream, but it also means that large proteins from other foods (which may predispose baby to allergies) and disease-causing pathogens can pass right through, too. During baby’s first 4-6 months, while the gut is still “open,” antibodies (sIgA) from breastmilk coat baby’s digestive tract and provide passive immunity, reducing the likelihood of illness and allergic reactions before gut closure occurs. Baby starts producing these antibodies on his own at around 6 months, and gut closure should have occurred by this time also

          • Jenna April 23, 2013 at 2:36 pm

            The 6 month “recommendation” is not “outdated.” As MODG says, the baby’s gut is open until 6 months, or when the babe is allowed to sit unassisted.

            Directly from the AAP website:
            How long should I breastfeed my baby?
            The AAP recommends that babies be exclusively breastfed for about the first 6 months of life. This means your baby needs no additional foods (except Vitamin D) or fluids unless medically indicated. Babies should continue to breastfeed for a year and for as long as is mutually desired by the mother and baby. Breastfeeding should be supported by your physician for as long as it is the right choice for you and your baby.

            When should I start feeding my baby solid foods?
            Solid foods need to be introduced to ensure that your baby gets proper nutrition around 6 months of age. Ask your doctor about when to introduce solid foods and how to do it.

            Here are signs baby is ready for solids:

            Not to mention, when you give your baby cereal, you’re giving something that his/her body is not ready to digest, and you’re replacing important nutrients from milk with junk.

            Just because a pediatrician says something, does not mean it’s the actual recommended rule, nor does it mean it has any basis in what’s put forth by the professional societies they belong to.

          • Jill April 23, 2013 at 3:03 pm

            Well regardless of whether you want to believe it or not, the recommendations have changed. My ped recommended the old recommendations until the new ones were released in February of this year. You don’t have to follow them but you can’t deny that they have changed.

          • Lourdes April 23, 2013 at 7:59 pm

            We can’t really say that “the recommendations have changed” based on the findings from ONE questionnaire study funded by a French cereal/formula manufacturer. The science behind this is “we are losing money”. Remember that for a corporation, losing money is different than for you or me, who would actually be running a deficit. For them it is, “we are not making as much money as last year” or (even worse) “we are making more money than last year but it is less than forecast”. So the corporate discussion about how to overcome this deficit would be to invest in a research investigation that proves that all of the major health academies are wrong and that these two guys on their payroll have it all figured out. It really has nothing to do with allergies or sleeping through the night. It has to do with the almighty dollar (or Franc, or Euro).

            No matter how well known your pediatrician is, his science is flawed. And the anecdote about the 8 month old is great to share, but it won’t be published in a research journal.

            The most recent news on the subject from the CDC (just last month) does not avail these two guys and Danone, but expresses concern that solids are being introduced before 6 months.

          • Jenna April 24, 2013 at 6:44 am

            The recommendations have NOT changed. Did you read the study you posted? First, it was a study. Not actual, real life recommendations from a society, such as AAP or WHO. I posted for you above the ACTUAL recommendations from the AAP, direct from their website, yesterday.

            The abstract of the article posted states: Recommendations that are supported by data are as follows. Avoidance diets during pregnancy and lactation are not recommended at this time, but more research is necessary for peanut. Exclusive breast-feeding for at least 4 and up to 6 months is endorsed. For high-risk infants who cannot be exclusively breast-fed, hydrolyzed formula appears to offer advantages to prevent allergic disease and cow’s milk allergy. Complementary foods can be introduced between 4 and 6 months of age. Because no formal recommendations have been previously provided about how and when to introduce the main allergenic foods (cow’s milk, egg, soy, wheat, peanut, tree nuts, fish, shellfish), these are now provided, and reasons to consider allergy consultation for development of a personalized plan for food introduction are also presented.

            It says complementary foods CAN be introduced, not that they SHOULD. The AAP still says they SHOULD be introduced starting around 6 months. The article endorsing EBF for 6 months.

            So yes, yes, yes, I can deny the recommendations have changed, because they haven’t.


          • Jill April 24, 2013 at 4:10 pm

            You guys are seriously needing to chill. First, I do not like the insinuation that the peer reviewed article I posted featured in the Journal of Allergy and Clinical Immunology is some kind of sponsored study. It clearly states on the bottom that no external funding was used to conduct the study. It does state that one of FOUR medical doctors who authored the piece may have a conflict of interest since he has taken consultation fees from Danone and Abbott but it think it is a leap to suggest that this study was sponsored by these companies. Also, I merely posted because MODG told Yaz to get a new ped and others said the recommendations have not changed. However, based on this study, the recommendations have changed. Just research it! This is so absurd. Of course if your baby can’t hold his or her head up you don’t give them solids. I mean the study merely suggests that people should not withhold hypoallergenic foods for a long period of time and maybe Yaz doesn’t need a new pediatrician. Calm down hippies. I could not care less when you start solids.

        • MODG April 23, 2013 at 4:06 pm

          I think there are 2 schools of people. Those that follow their drs word to the letter and those that question it. Neither is better. But we create our own oath. If we followed traditional dr advice my son would be circumcised he’d be on the CDC schedule and on formula, Zantac a fluoride supplement amongst other meds. We question why a lot. Why is there a study about introducing solids earlier? Who does it benefit? Who sponsored it? How would this prevent a dr from being sued over something. It’s not always that black and white. Logic tells me my child needs to be sitting up on her own grabbing food and have a desire to be introduced to solids.

          • Jill April 23, 2013 at 4:52 pm

            Modg, your blog got me through too many 3 and 5 a.m. feedings to argue with you sister. You should do what you feel.

          • Kristen April 24, 2013 at 3:36 pm

            Yes, I think there are a billion schools of thought/people on this topic, just as there are a billion or so babies and each is different in their own way. I agree that logic and intuition should prevail, so some babies are sitting up and “ready” to eat at 4-6 months, some take longer. While it’s fine to say “the recommendations (of this study/pediatrician/organization) do/don’t suit my baby” it shouldn’t be assumed suitable (or judged that way) for another baby.

          • Lauren @ T&G April 24, 2013 at 8:56 pm

            Let me make this real easy for everyone… Teaching your baby to eat solids, no matter what age they are, is a huge pain in the ass. I don’t know why anyone in the world would want to try to spoon feed carrots to a baby that can’t even sit up, and then spend 30 minutes cleaning up a mess that really was just a huge waste of time. Stop worrying about the argument of what is better and just enjoy two extra months of having one less thing to worry about. For people who say that feeding solids helped their baby sleep, I don’t buy it. I am sure both things happened around the same time (and that you are smart, and nice, and a great mom), but baby food has like 3 calories in it. Unless you are putting a chipotle burrito in the food processor, baby food simply does not have enough nutrition in it for there to be an incentive to start earlier versus later.

          • Jenna April 29, 2013 at 12:03 pm

            I’m pretty sure I love you, Lauren.

        • Amanda April 26, 2013 at 4:34 pm

          When my oldest was a baby the recommended/accepted age to start solids was 3 months. I have four children and every single pregnancy/babyhood came with different rules. All four of my children are healthy and allergy free. I probably just have awesome amazing genes but I think my point here is that shit changes, a lot.

          And I ate unpasteurized cheese during my pregnancy with my last two because that rule didn’t exist with my first two so I felt I had the authority to ignore it. And also because Mexican cheese dip. And feta cheese.

  • Anne April 22, 2013 at 7:36 pm

    FYI you are just at the age where daytime sleep starts to get organized. Up until 5-6 months those shitty half hour naps are normal, because baby really shouldn’t be awake for longer than 2 hours at a time. Now she should be old enough to follow the plan you instituted with G. And yeah, some crying might be involved, including NOT running and getting her to rock her (or whatever) so she’ll sleep longer. She can and WILL learn to soothe herself back to sleep. Be strong, it IS in her best interest times one million. Oh, and it’s probably harder on you because she’s not a dick baby and is just…softer I guess. My first two are girls and while they both were great babies, the oldest was and is spunky whereas little sister is sweet as pie. Much harder with the second to let her CIO. Based onpersonality alone.

  • Samantha W April 22, 2013 at 7:49 pm

    I know this one time you told us where that adorable bunny creature thing is from, can you tell me again? Thanks!

    • Natalie April 23, 2013 at 11:52 am

      It’s a bla bla if I am not mistaken… I have 4.

      • MODG April 23, 2013 at 1:50 pm

        yes, bla bla

  • Jesse April 22, 2013 at 7:52 pm

    Ok, I’m sorry about the nap thing, but what I really want to know is how do you keep stuff on your book shelves and coffee table? We can’t even have a coffee table anymore! My son is about 6 months younger that G. Do they stop taking everything off and doing bad things with it when they’re 2? I don’t really like knick knacks, but it would be nice to be able to put something other than a puppet book on a surface under 4 feet in our house.

    • Kate April 22, 2013 at 9:54 pm

      hahahahaha. yes.

  • Sara April 22, 2013 at 8:12 pm

    I have a 7 month old girl who up until 6 months only ever took 45 minute naps. TO THE MINUTE. It was so frustrating, b/c I had dreams of taking long naps and reading and blogging while the baby slept ALL DAY. I don’t have any major advice other than, once I accepted it at face value/accepted defeat and just assumed this is who she was (hyper?), the naps got longer! Now she takes one from 9-10 (wakes at 6:30/7) and from 1:30 – 3 (usually). Which I consider a major victory! I think another commenter said it, but I think it is developmental and you have to wait it out. Crying it out at naps seems like a waste to me, especially when they are only 30 minutes on a good day!

    Also, I’m a huge advocate of Merlin’s sleep suit! It looks ridiculous and I’m constantly made fun of, but she sleeps 7-7 ! Good luck:)

    • MODG April 23, 2013 at 1:50 pm

      we have a merlin’s sleep suit too. I can’t imagine life without it

  • Nicole April 22, 2013 at 8:36 pm

    Oh this is funny and not. I’m 14 months in the no sleep thing. And the reflux on top of that. Try solids, she’s not getting enough bm at night, give her a bottle of formula, teach her to self soothe, stop holding her so much, stop bfing so much, let her cry, blah blah. All the bad advice in the world is not going to make a child sleep if they don’t want to. You are doing fine. We abandon naps all the time and my daughter is fine. Dr Sears seems to have the most sane advice on this. His high needs baby advice also helps me through the day sometimes. So if your daughter forever fights sleep just think how handy that determination and drive will be when she’s the CEO of a huge company raking in the dough. :)

  • crobb April 22, 2013 at 8:39 pm

    the best website that helped me understand my hippie ways could still be so progressive without me losing my mind:

  • Jamie April 22, 2013 at 9:07 pm

    I have to say none of my kids were nappers. My daughter (my last one) was a teeny bit of a napper, but only if being held. They didn’t get grouchy without a nap or anything, their bodies just didn’t require them, much to my dismay. They did sleep 10-12 hours at night though so that was awesome.
    Also I understand the girl cry thing, it’s sexist and wrong, but it’s different. I can listen to my son’s cry for quite sometime, the moment my daughter cries every nerve in my body is on fire. Yep I am horrible too. I will say though that my daughter co-slept forever, she was cuddly and hated being away from me and breast fed all the time so she co-slept because I am lazy and it made night feedings easier and my husband is often out of town so it wasn’t an issue. She is 9 now and sleeps just fine on her own and has for several years, since about 3 she got her own bed and felt grown up and we let her use it as she wanted and it worked for us and it was never an issue. So not all hippy children are horrible sleepers. :)

  • Anna April 22, 2013 at 9:12 pm

    You have probably read all the other books but I really liked this one…some good ideas for development as well and just makes you feel better about the whole thing

  • Lorah April 22, 2013 at 9:32 pm

    Babies do whatever they want whenever they want. And I read something today that just stuck with me: you don’t have to choose a parenting method to be a great parent. Every child is so different :) my baby decided sleep was for the birds too. We just do what works, and most days it’s different. So here is hoping ruby gives you a good nap sometime in the future!!

  • Dana April 22, 2013 at 9:46 pm

    Hi MODG-
    I just recently discovered your blog and being an early 30’s, philadelphia suburb mom of a 2 yr old boy and a 6 mo old breastfed girl, I can totally relate. I don’t really have any advice to give, just wanted to let you know we’re all in the same club :). If I had a dime for every time I obsess about A. Sleep, or lack thereof (hers and mine) or B. my milk supply (which I’m always worried is decreasing or going to decrease), I’d be a millionaire! Hang in there!

  • Kate April 22, 2013 at 9:51 pm

    My husband and I got a lot of crap for “sleep training,” and I felt horrible about it all the time, so thanks for justifying it. Now our six-month-old goes down relatively easily, so I can’t say I regret it (although she still gets up twice a night to eat). Anyway, the point is, you do you.

  • Ashlee April 22, 2013 at 9:58 pm

    IT’S A LIE! Babies do not sleep. Terrorists spread these lies in an effort to tear this country apart from the inside out. My oldest son was just like this. He eventually got to the point of taking a 45 minute nap (when he was 1 and a half), but he never slept longer than 30 minutes before that, and I tried everything ever written about sleeping babies. FINALLY when he was around 2 he would sleep for an hour, and then between 2 and 3 he would hit 2 hour naps, and he gave the nap up shortly after 3. He was/is an excellent night time sleeper, though. He sleeps anywhere from 11-13 hours a night (though he didn’t sleep through the night until 10 months old, and we DID sleep train that into him because I could no longer function during the day after going 10 months without a solid night’s sleep). My second son was an angel sleeper at naps from birth until now, but my first son taught me that some babies seriously just don’t sleep as much as everyone says. They get sleep when they need it, and trying to put their sleep habits into your box (as easy as it would make life if it worked out) just makes you go insane and causes your baby more crying than necessary. Hang in there. Use her short naps as time challenges to see how much you can get done in that amount of time, and then hold her when she’s awake. She WILL eventually sleep longer. She WILL self soothe. It will come in time, just on her time. Don’t wear yourself out! :)

  • Katie April 22, 2013 at 10:06 pm

    Ugh, I feel your pain. Sounds crazy, but try a kiddie chiropractor. Our friends did it with their infant and became total believers. And no, they weren’t hippies, freaks, or nut bars….just regular midwestern folk on the verge of dying or killing someone else due to lack of sleep.

    • MODG April 23, 2013 at 1:51 pm

      we did. We also regularly did craniosacral therapy. hippie to the max

  • April April 22, 2013 at 10:47 pm

    I’ve read your blog for a while now but this is my first time commenting. My son is 15 months and is a dick sleeper. He STILL wakes up every hour at night, and was a shit napper until he transitioned to one nap a day at 11 months. Just want you to know you definitely aren’t alone and if you ever figure out the answer to baby sleep, then for eff’s sake, let me know because I’m dying over here.

  • Am April 22, 2013 at 11:16 pm

    My baby is now two and we tried every sleep thing in the book all of them and nothing worked. I tried letting her cry short periods but she got so pissed she slammed her head into the crib and bruised her face repeatedly and cut herself badly. I even used money I didn’t have to hire sleep coaches because I was desperate for sleep. My ped told me it just might not work , some kids don’t sleep well. And I want to hit every person in the face who says she needs to be trained. I tried training her every way possible but she’s still up many times a night, requires rocking, and is often now up for more than two hrs at a time at night. Sleep sucks for some babies, I feel insane from it but she is fine. The ped always reminds ,e she’s doing great, it’s me that’s going off the deep end.

  • E. hernandez April 22, 2013 at 11:23 pm

    oh. my. goodness. (because, since i’m a mom, i guess i can’t take God’s name in vain anymore. anyway,). My babe is the same. you try and you try and you try but, in the end they are crying, you are crying and maybe even on the verge of an anxiety attack and then 2o minutes later babe is asleep and you are thanking your lucky stars. CIO sucks balls. it is no fun for anyone, but some babies need it. I am a product of CIO. my mom assured me that i “was horrible until put down and then i would fall asleep” but in reality, she was sick of me and needed a break, went to the potty and then *poof* i was asleep in my crib. I am a well adjusted adult. i have a child. I tried everything and eventually gave in to CIO. its fine. Bebe is fine. don’t be so hard on yourself. some babes need a bit of release before they succumb to sleep. its okay.
    e. hernandez

  • Malia April 22, 2013 at 11:45 pm

    I found your blog while stress-Googling “taking 17-month-old on airplane” at 4:00 am. I could have just as easily found you while stress-Googling “my baby is a dick and sucks at sleeping” or “every sleep training method out there is a load of crap for someone”, etc.
    I’m so so so so thankful I’m here because I needed a billion other people who have done this and are one one side or the other.
    My son sucked at all forms of sleep for the first year of his life (he didn’t even sleep well or long in the the car!). Then, my parents babysat him for a night around Christmas. He woke up at 11pm (the Witching Hour, at the time), and was PISSED. After they tried for an hour to soothe him back to sleep, they finally gave up and let him cry for 15 minutes. He conked out and slept until morning. He still isn’t a stellar sleeper, but he sleeps through the night for the most part, and, when he doesn’t, he takes soothing from us without losing his tiny toddler mind.

    Moral of the story? Get someone else to do the dirty work. Someone whose heart isn’t supposed to split every time little Ruby cries.

    And I had to stop talking about T.’s sleep issues to people in my life who have babies who sleep. Due the strong desire to throat punch them and their adorable, sleepy babies.

    😀 Good luck!

  • Nicole April 23, 2013 at 3:48 am

    Just wanted to say that I feel your pain. I have 2 under the she of 2. My daughter is 19 months and my son is 3.5 months and I have been blessed with two crappy sleepers. I started following your blog after a desperate moment and I found your how to get your kid to nap longer post. Needless to say it hasn’t worked for me. That said I do enjoy your posts and especially love knowing that I am not alone! Thank you for having a crappy napper too.

  • Katie C April 23, 2013 at 3:53 am

    I have very little time to respond because I cuddle my littles to sleep…hang in there, embrace these cuddles because they are few, and enjoy every minute!!!!

  • Megan April 23, 2013 at 8:14 am

    Oh MODG I feel your pain. I have my own little girl born 11/11 and she WILL NOT NAP. At night she is fine, she either sleeps through or is up once, but she is really on a sleep strike during the day. And, like Ruby, she is super happy and smiley, except when I try to get her to sleep. But I know she is tired and I know she needs to nap. She will sleep all day nuzzled on my boob, but if I try to put her in her crib or even her swing it’s over. The longest I can get is maybe an hour, maybe. If you figure something out let me know.

  • Sarah Macon April 23, 2013 at 8:52 am

    She is the cutest thing on earth. Ever. Now put her ass in the crib, go outside WITHOUT the monitor but WITH a giant glass of wine and sit. She’ll get it. And if she doesn’t, at least she’s cute, it’d be a hell of a lot easier to be pissed at an ugly kid… 😉

    • Christy April 25, 2013 at 8:50 am

      Ha! Yes! Was it on one of your posts we discussed a shower-proof wine glass? It wont kill her to cry 20min while you take a shower and GULP wine. Wine helps all!

  • Jess April 23, 2013 at 9:53 am

    I feel the same way about my second. And he is another boy so I don’t think it is because Ruby is a girl. I think it is the pressure to do “everything right” with the first. My second cried every day straight for three months and we just held him as much as he needed, which is the total opposite of my first who slept all night from 10 weeks on and still doesn’t need mommy for anything! I think every baby is different and how we view them is different. My second seems so much more helpless than my first and maybe it is simply because he is my second and I’m trying to enjoy the time with him in a different way than my first. I rushed to every milestone with the first and I missed out on a lot, especially those snuggles. So I say if Ruby needs an extra hug and snuggle, do it. You can sleep when you’re dead. You already know how fast they grow out if it. Also, keep experimenting with her schedule. That is all you can really do!

  • Annette April 23, 2013 at 10:05 am

    Holy poop on a cracker! I know I shouldn’t laugh at this, but it is so funny and spot-on! I soooooo wish I had you and your blog around when my daughter (now 12) was a baby. She never (no….NEVER!) slept thru the night until she was 3 1/2. And the nursing…and the crying…and the listening to all that damn advice. Well, I put my time and energy and anxiety in and now she sleeps. A lot. In spite of all my attempts to ‘help’ her. It all works out, but on their schedule, not ours. Bummer and it sucks, but putting your time in on this means it’ll all even out over something else. As in, my daughter totally has no patience for girl drama. Just doesn’t do it. I’ll take that in trade-off for baby sleep issues!
    Hang tough, mama…it sucks majorly, but you are doing just fine. Actually, I think you’re doing great. Keep on keepin’ it real…I LOVE your in-your-face blog…it’s so real!

  • Kendra April 23, 2013 at 10:51 am

    I have a two year old boy and a 3 1/2 month old baby girl. Turns out BOTH of my damn kids are “power nappers.” My son did the 20-30 minute power naps when he was a baby and now my daughter does it too!! What gives?!?!? Now, I am not the type to just “roll with the punches” I get all stabby and agitated if I can’t control a situation or figure the shit out of it. But I have to say this was and is the one thing that I truly did just roll with. Plus, both slept through the night so I feel like I can’t complain too much. Both babies were happy after their miserably short naps and didn’t act like crazy fools when they didn’t get more sleep. I’d put them down in a safe place where they were content and awake and still go about whatever it was I was attempting to do while they were sleeping. If you’re not going to sleep that’s not my problem kid! Luckily, my son outgrew this napping nightmare and I’m hoping baby girl will as well. I know this isn’t advice, or anything that may actually help you, but I just wanted you to know that I totally get it! I’ve been there and I am there. Like I said, simply letting go of it and just “letting it be” worked for me. No problems were solved but I knew if it wasn’t the napping there were plenty of other things for me to worry/stress/agonize/shit-my-fucking-pants over. Hang in there! You’re doing a great job!

  • Cristy April 23, 2013 at 11:39 am

    another ‘first time commenter’ here…

    I think another problem that we as parents have (especially with the second child) is to constantly compare our kids to each other. As if there are 2 versions of everything- dick sleeper/good sleeper, dick eater/good eater, etc. My 4th kiddo is 6 months old now, the first boy we’ve had, and I’ve come to realize that every baby is their own combinatio of a lot… for instance, my son naps great at daycare, but crappy for me on the weekends. BUT… he sleeps through the night most nights and has only been doing that for a month. We were co-sleeping until one night I couldn’t take it anymore and I put him to bed at night in his crib. He sttn that very first night and for 3 nights in a row. Occasionally he does wake up in the middle of the night and I usually go get him and bring him back to bed with me, because sleeping while nursing > nursing and losing sleep. But the key is that even though my son doesn’t nap worth a darn on the weekends, he is happy. He isn’t screaming and tired and everything. The (real) purpose of naps is to help them regain energy, and obviously if he is up and playing and happy, he isn’t showing any signs of lacking energy. Before I know it, he’ll probably go through another growth spurt and everything will go to heck again. They keep us on our toes for sure. I’m convinced that routines are good, but there will always be exceptions. Maybe Ruby’s routine (for now) is that she takes a few short naps. So maybe (for now) you plan to get online and relax during the first nap, and get things ready for dinner (or another chore) during the next nap.

    Or maybe other people don’t ‘get’ other people’s babies and you should trust your gut.

  • Natalie April 23, 2013 at 11:59 am

    Not sure if this a repeat or not… I am like you, a self soothe mama and any book you read tells you the swing is the devil. BUT! I had to. 30 min naps were rampant around here. I insisted that he fall asleep for the FIRST time in the crib, but if he woke up, in the swing he went. This went on for a few months and he is not ruined. He is 14m and sleeps great. Falls asleep on his own for naps almost immediately and 11-12 hrs at night. Just keep it up!

  • Gini April 23, 2013 at 12:30 pm

    I’m one of those hippies you’re talking about, and my nine-month-old is indeed a terrible sleeper. This last week especially, I pretty much want to stab my ears out since then I could at least claim ignorance of his cries. As it is, I can’t not drag myself to his room to stuff a nipple in his mouth and play Candy Crush on my phone. Sigh.

  • Stef April 23, 2013 at 1:20 pm

    As a self-admited hippie, I have completely created a monster with my second child. My son is 2 1/2 and he can put himself to sleep no problem. In fact this year at christmas with three other kids playing in his bedroom he put himself to bed. My daughter (just two weeks younger than Ruby) cannot sleep without me nursing her to sleep. We co-sleep. I know it’s unpopular and people don’t agree with it but it works for us. My husband is gone most of the time (Army & school) so the sleep schedule is on me. I know what worked for my son doesn’t work for my daughter – and as soon as I acknowledged it and accepted it, it made it easier. So I wouldn’t have two power house nappers – it’s ok. I know that even without a long nap she’s happy, sweet and go with the flow. My son, no such luck. If he doesn’t nap all hell breaks loose. I’m not saying that it’s easy or fun or that sometimes I’d give up all of the wine in my house to have one afternoon that they both took naps for longer than an hour but for the most part we make it through the day and go to bed happy and some day, MODG, we’ll get there.

    Until then feel relief in knowing that you’re not alone (I know – that’s sucky)

  • Leigh April 23, 2013 at 1:43 pm

    As most of the commenters have said, if it’s not one thing it’s another. My son, just 2, took all his naps for the first 15+ months of his life in a Maclaren baby bouncy seat, sans bouncing. Even though he’d sleep in his crib at night, he had to sleep in the “purple chair,” as we called it, for naps. If he had a really hard night, w/lots of wakings, we’d revert to the purple chair. At 15 months we switched from a nanny to daycare and they sleep on little toddler cots there and that helped us transition him to his crib for naps at home, which was good, since he was really outgrowing the chair.

    He nursed to sleep at night until 11 months, and then even though I nursed for another 3 months he would no longer go to sleep for me by nursing. So he and I struggled for a good month trying to figure out our new bedtime strategy. Right now he’s giving my husband the business every night at bedtime, getting him to come back in the room a lot and crying a lot more when my husband tries to leave.

    My son has also started demanding water in bed, and now needs his water cup to fall asleep. It’s no biggie now, but it’s definitely the opposite of progressing from maybe a water cup in the crib to not having one, and getting him to relinquish it once he’s potty trained (to avoid accidents overnight) won’t be pretty, I’m sure.

    I’m writing all these random anecdotes just to say, whatever you’re going through now, it will change, and you’ll figure out what works, and then that won’t work after awhile, and then something else will happen. My husband and I don’t subscribe to any particular parenting philosophy, in part I’m sure because we have a very easy child, so we haven’t needed a “strategy” per se to get through childrearing, but I would say we’ve mostly succeeded with our little guy by following his cues. However, embracing the 30 minute naps sounds really challenging because you need a mental break for all the parenting and what’s the value of naps if not to give us a break? (Oh right, they’re important for our *babies* health, not ours. :) ) Ruby is too young for this, but if she continues to be a difficult napper, eventually you may succeed at instituting “quiet time” where she has to lie quietly in her bed, whether or not she sleeps. Playing with toys or looking at books or singing, etc., but you still get the reprieve.

    Hang in there! This is a difficult time, no doubt!

  • Jenn April 23, 2013 at 1:43 pm

    My little one was up and down and up and down and up and down… until I bought this:

    The HoMedics SoundSpa with noises AND projection. My daughter is obsessed with fishies and there’s a fish disc, a cow-jumped-over-the-moon disc and a jungle disc. Not only does it have a variety of sounds to help cover noises and soothe, but if she peeks her eyes open, it gives her something to look at and concentrate on until the sound lulls her back to sleep.

    Available at Target too – but $5 more. 😉

    We can’t live without it. I traveled with it, dropped it and it started making an awful grinding noise, so we’re on #2 now. It took ONE night of tryingt to live without it. NO CAN DO.


    • Christy April 25, 2013 at 8:54 am

      I have a toddler and infant. I am a hippie, but made both of mine cry it out. I refused to put anything interactive/toy in their crib. Never understood? You trying to get them to sleep, not to watch and play with something. Not saying it doesn’t work. Just saying I never did it, because it didn’t make sense to me.

  • Amy L. April 23, 2013 at 2:03 pm

    I have had MAJOR sleep issues with my now 20 month old little guy. Refuse to cry it out and searched high and low for help/resources from someone who was a hippie about sleep like me. I found out about ISIS parenting based in Boston from some breastfeeding resource and they have FREE sleep webinars every Tuesday. The archived recordings are all online and were VERY helpful and specific. If after watching these you still have questions or need support, they offer personalized sleep consults for about $150. I did it and it’s well worth it. Here’s the link if you’re interested:

    Good luck! Ruby is such a sweet looking little girl!

    • Gini April 23, 2013 at 3:47 pm

      This wasn’t for me, but thanks anyway! I’m going to go watch EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM now!

  • Jenna April 23, 2013 at 2:53 pm

    I have to add, my 6 month old does.not.sleep. during the day. It drives everyone bonkers, because the kid is barely able to hold her eyes open, yet she refuses to sleep. I can often get her to sleep when I wear her, but as you say, sometimes I just need to do things without a baby strapped to me. I’m noticing a pattern, where she’ll take some good naps one day, then cat naps for 30 minutes for the next 3. I really hope one day it reverses. :)

    My 2 1/2 year old was an awful napper at this age, and now is a rock star who tells me when she’s ready to go down, so I’m holding out some small hope…of course, the baby is just going to get on a good schedule, and the toddler’s going to give up her naps, with my luck!!

  • Nurit April 23, 2013 at 3:05 pm

    I think someone mentioned this already..we had a fisher price rock and play sleeper and that thing was a GODSEND. Some babies do not like sleeping flat. It’s like $40 and you can get one at target. They are super portable too! I loved ours so much that my daughter actually slept in hers (full nights of sleep) for the first 8 months. Probably a little longer than I should have..but whatever.

    Also..maybe try putting her on her tummy on your lap and see if she’ll fall asleep that way. It is really quite possible that she just is not comfortable laying flat.

  • Stacey April 23, 2013 at 4:10 pm

    Three years ago I would have come on here offering advice as it is my background for the last 10+ years. But THEN I had a kid and the youdontknowshit gods have been smacking me around ever since and I use to pride myself on being pretty smart (LOL LOL). My first kid, A + sleeper. I mean, of course, after the good ol Ferber method. It worked for her. So what if it gave me postpartum (clearly not the only reason) but man, the thought of ferbering baby #2scares the crap out of me. Takes me back to horrible days with pp. #2 is 7 mos and does not really care if you have a sched. She actually screams like some sort of a wild animal that would scare the shit out of a perfect stranger. And it doesnt stop. My cockiness for child A being a good sleeper has been short lived. I didn’t create that, it’s who she is. My 7 month old is starting to do so much better. MUCH (Enough for my Internet shopping to pick back up). The “dick about something” is true. Child A=good sleeper/casein allergy/SUGAR intolerance (if that’s not being a dick, I don’t know what is). Child B=horrible sleeper/cute as balls.

  • Jen April 23, 2013 at 9:37 pm

    What is this 5-7 month window I knew nothing about and totally missed?!! I tried, I swear. We are co-sleeping, my girl started rolling and crawling and I knew our time was up. Terrible winter storms and husband traveling kept putting us off . And now, I am having a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad time trying to transition into a new (on her own) bed. My girl is just about 9 months and right in the middle of super duper separation anxiety. She is the happiest, smiley-est wonderful girl and I am lost with what to do and honestly, thank god someone else is the same way. But modg, please tell me I didn’t miss the mark on the sleep training!

  • Rachel April 23, 2013 at 9:51 pm

    I actually started following your blog after reading that nap post, which I found while Googling some variation on “how to make my baby take a freaking nap.” He is now 8 months old and on the plus side, no longer naps in his swing, but on the down side, still only naps for 30 minutes at a time unless he is all snuggled up with me, in which case he will still wake up after a half-hour but if I’m lucky will go back to sleep for another hour while I dick around on my phone. So, I hate to say this, but I hate all those people who say “All of a sudden at 6 months old she magically started taking longer naps!” but: I feel you.

    • Maggie April 23, 2013 at 10:08 pm

      Rachel, I am in a very similar boat. I’ve got three words for you than make it a bit better: Netfixs on iPad. Place it so the baby can’t see, put in some headphones and your good to go.

      • Maggie April 23, 2013 at 10:09 pm

        Stupid autocorrect.

  • Vanessa April 23, 2013 at 9:56 pm

    We didn’t give in with self-soothing biz until 14 months and our kid (who was also a shiny happy smile monster like Ruby) was a great sleeper within a week and hasn’t been effed up even through vacations or grandma’s house or whatever. You’ve got time, lady!

  • Genny April 23, 2013 at 10:40 pm

    My son (a little over 4 1/2 months) is a great night sleeper – usually. His naps… most of the time he is great and I know his own internal schedule, which generally works with mine. Every once in a while he gets a wild hair up his butt and does the 30 min nap thing. It kills me. Especially when it goes on for a couple days. Usually it works itself back out again, and it is more the product of him hitting a developmental stage, growth spurt, or those damn teeth that still aren’t quite ready to come out. When I can’t take it, my dad will come over. And he is like the nap whisperer. Mostly, I think it’s that it is someone besides me dealing with him. He loves me, and that’s great, but it means he’ll wake back up or stay awake to be with me. When my dad comes, he is loving and sweet and will take him for walks, etc. He will also handle the nap so I can do other things – you know fun things like straighten up the bedroom – and the boy sleeps. And sleeps. And I rejoice. And usually one or two days of having my dad around helps put him back on normal naps. (Which is either 2 one hour naps and 1 two hour nap, or 2 two hour naps. He’s adjusting to the 2 two hours.)

    That’s not so helpful, really. But you’re not alone!

  • boringyear April 24, 2013 at 12:30 am

    Regardless of whether you believe sleep is developmental or learned, I say if you can’t bear to let Ruby cry, then don’t!

    Monkey didn’t nap longer than 30 minutes at a time until about 16 months when he dropped to one nap, and he also woke 30 minutes after going to bed at night until about 14 months. He is still not a great sleeper but he’s improving. I felt a lot of pressure to ‘train’ him but never did. I felt a lot less crazy when I gave up worrying about it though! Sure it was frustrating, but he was totally happy and energetic so it clearly wasnt bothering him!

    And when we were in the ER and they told us he had cancer? I remember thinking ‘I’m so glad I never left him to cry!’. It sounds stupid but honest to chocolate that’s what happened.

    So if you read this far down, my advice is follow your instincts! How original.

  • Lisa McP April 24, 2013 at 4:11 am

    Our baby monitor plays music softly, for a preset time. I actually click it on at EVERY sleep time, and he falls asleep to it or shortly thereafter. It has been great for traveling- he always feels like he’s at home b/c he has his normal, same music even if the bed and room are different. Also, it was great when he was learning to self settle. If he woke up crying, I could remotely activate the thing. So, he felt me there, or felt his normal routine/bedtime cue, even though I didn’t go in. Since you don’t like to leave Ruby to cry, this might be an option for you, to buy yourself a few minutes before going in. Get her used to a little tune at each bed/nap time, then when she wakes after 20 minutes, activate it from a far.

  • Lisa @bitesforbabies April 24, 2013 at 7:40 am

    I LOVE how Google is our go-to for any possible question imaginable! lol! I think I might spend some time today typing in the most random, ridiculous questions JUST to see what pops up!!!! By the way, I hear you about the crying thing…I was MUCH sterner with my son. I think it’s just different with a girl (I hate to say it but it’s true!). Thankfully, my daughter is an angel and basically lulls herself to sleep (sorry you have to hear that!). Be strong 😉

  • Sjl April 24, 2013 at 7:50 am

    We used the Baby Sleep Site by Nicole Johnson. Its a personalized sleep plan based on your baby’s personality – which is her niche in the baby sleep market. It seems the baby’s personality plays a big role in all of this “sleep training” stuff. It was the best $100 I ever spent. Her advice for my daughter’s personality (and my sleep goals) were so effective. I mean, it involved CIO so it was friggin hard, but the brilliant thing is that the staff work with you to fine tune a consistent plan. The only drawback is that the packages can get pricey. Seriously worth it for us though.

  • Erin April 24, 2013 at 8:15 am

    In my humble opinion, just as each individual child is born with their own unique personality, they are also born with their own unique sleep personality (so to speak).. Some people simply dont need as much sleep as other people do.. My mother, for instance, slept like shit as a baby, despite anything my poor Grandmother would try.. (CIO, sleep training, even sleeping in bed with her parents never helped) Now at 65 her body doesnt require anymore than 4 hours of sleep a night.. Its just who she is, how her body works.. She has been this way since the day she was born and has never changed.. My father on the other hand sleeps like a rock for 12 hours a night and was an absolute dream as a baby.. So after you have tried everything and if it still isnt working, consider it may just be part of her make up..

  • Laura April 24, 2013 at 10:51 am

    I hope someone has sent you this already…

    • Amy@drivethirtythree April 24, 2013 at 2:18 pm

      omg. that was the best. thing. ever.

    • Erin April 25, 2013 at 7:42 am

      That really was hilarious!! At the same time it’s annoying that there is so much contradictory information.. We’re all already spent, stressed and would give anything for the answers to this baby enigma that is sleep.. And this is what the “experts” do to us?? That kinda pisses me off!!

  • Emily April 24, 2013 at 1:01 pm

    When I was pregnant, I got really sucked into the hippie mom stuff and swore I would never let him CIO. By the time he was five months, I was OVER IT. I did the Sleep Lady stuff, and of if I’m being totally honest, I did not find it hard at all emotionally to let him cry. Not at all. Am I a bad mom?!? I didn’t have to post signs up, wear ear plugs, call my mommy-friends for support, sleep downstairs . . . I just didn’t feel that guilty about it. I was confident enough in knowing that he gets a lot, a lot of love and he’s going to be ok. I seriously feel like I’m the only mom I know who didn’t sweat the sleep training, didn’t feel guilty, didn’t cry to my husband “I can’t bear to hear him cry!” I feel bad for not feeling bad!

  • Zak April 24, 2013 at 1:49 pm

    You just described both of my kids as babies and as you know, are sleep failures. Nothing worked, no training, no books, no webinars, no meds (for me), my kids hate sleep. Period. Welcome to being tired for the next 12 years.

  • Chrissy April 24, 2013 at 2:12 pm

    Punch me in the throat, I won’t blame you a bit….but I miss this. My youngest is almost five years old and he is four feet tall and weighs 50 pounds of crazy boy muscle. He likes Legos and jumping off the playset and digging up worms. I miss the snuggly baby he used to be…that didn’t smell like dirt and cashew butter sandwiches, that didn’t leave the fridge door hanging open after he pilfers the grapes and drinks four juice boxes and leaves the crisper drawer open, the baby that NEVER refused a kiss or a hug or a bath or anything. He was great. Slept like crap…but great. To ahead…give me a virtual smack. I deserve it!

    • CanadianMamaV April 24, 2013 at 3:35 pm

      Chrissy I TOTALLY agree with you. My LO never needed to be sleep trained and she was sleeping through the night by around 9 weeks. I never really got those loving night-time snuggles and cuddles and I always wondered what they would be like. My now 18 month old is going through some awesome sleep regression and needs to be rocked and held and tossed on her head and swung around like a monkey to fall asleep and I am absolutely loving it. I go to her the minute she cries and I get the best cuddles of life. My husband has told me to grow some balls and let her cry but I know that 2 or 3 years from now I am going to wish she needed me at night so I am milking it for all it’s worth.

  • Misty Mac April 24, 2013 at 7:03 pm

    Googling ways to get my baby K to sleep is how I came across your blog! I took your advice and now he sleeps like a champ. THANK YOU! I know you want to punch me in the face, it’s okay. To be clear, he still has many other A- hole things we are working on.

  • Mammma April 24, 2013 at 7:20 pm

    So, I have a 3 and a 1 yr old. First kid: followed “back to sleep” rules, got a bad catnapper. 2nd kid: dedicated tummy sleeper, didn’t follow the rules, 3 hour napper. Never left either to cry. Coincidence?

  • Rach April 24, 2013 at 9:19 pm

    So, I’m not sure if anyone has posted this yet, but I thought you’d appreciate it…

  • Rachel April 25, 2013 at 10:32 am

    Both of my girls were horrific nappers. At one point in each of their first 8 months or so I was so sleep deprived that I couldn’t think logically (my husband was also deployed at this same point with both children =( Eventually I remember figuring out that they were teething and weren’t sleeping more than 30 minutes because they couldn’t sleep through the pain. This could be worth investigating.

    Also, I bought some of your threds on Poshmark and you look way better in them!! Sure wish I had my breastfeeding boobs back!

  • Liz April 25, 2013 at 12:41 pm

    Separate from Ruby testing her boundaries with you – maybe have her ears checked. My 22 mos old had terrible ear infections – but never with a fever. So we would go a couple days before I figured out what was going on. He would scream bloody f’ing murder during naps and at night if I wasn’t holding him upright in the damn rocking chair. (those fancy gliders are crap. Don’t recline. 2nd baby, I’m getting a plush lazy boy that I can recline, feet up and sleep holding a baby). Anyways – turns out my son had terrible ear infections – sometimes at the start of a cold. Now I know when he sleeps like crap and screams all night – it’s mostly because of his ears. Just a thought!

  • Alex April 25, 2013 at 2:36 pm

    Ok, so I might secretly have a she-crush on you…I’ve been reading your blog for about a year, and ironically enough, found your 1st “How to get your kid to nap like a rockstar” quite helpful.

    I, too, am locked in my home on most days. I have a 19 month old son and a 6 month old daughter, so it was kind of like we went through our 2nd pregnancy together (for me anyways, trying not to sound too stalkerish).

    ANYWAYS, I found a SUPER HELPFUL website. It’s Not sure if it will work for you, because GD it if I hear “every baby is different” one more time, but maybe its worth a look-see.

    You are hilarious, and I look forward to reading your new posts. Hang in there, and you’re a super Mom!

  • Sara April 25, 2013 at 5:11 pm

    I already replied to a comment about sleeping, but I felt it was important to share this with you, too.

    Smirnoff has started making a skinny vodka that I think is like 62 calories. I do weight watchers (heard about this in a meeting from a ww leader, actually), and normal vodka is 4 points per shot, but this bottle of heaven is only 2. It’s called Smirnoff Sorbet Light. It comes in three flavors. Raspberry Pomegranate with some diet ginger ale and a little diet cranberry juice is the best part of my life right now.

    • Mere April 25, 2013 at 10:01 pm

      I love that this is the last comment. And, scene.

  • Courtney April 25, 2013 at 10:58 pm

    I know this is an unpopular thing but have you tried letting her sleep on her stomach? I know, gasp! Well my son has been sleeping like a champ since I started. When he was like 4 wks old he would scream and cry and not sleep and then one day my mom laid him to sleep on his stomach and seriously he slept five hours. I walked by him and stared at him paranoid as hell. I stuck my finger under his nose to make sure he was breathing like a crazy person. By 6 wks old i let him sleep on his stomach at night and seriously… He slept 8 hrs. I panicked when I woke up to sun streaming through the window. But he’s 9 months now and he sleeps on his back, side, stomach, head whatever. He sleeps 730-7 9-11 and 2-4 every day.

    I know you probably want to slap me.
    It’s ok I’d slap me too if I were you.

    I’m sure my next child will be an asshole and never sleep or eat and will hate me.

    Good luck!

    • Kate May 1, 2013 at 3:11 pm

      I’m thinking this would be okay if you had a movement sensor monitor, like an Angelcare? I’m no expert but it seems like it would make it safer and your sanity could be saved.

  • Lindsay @ The Live-In Kitchen April 26, 2013 at 3:41 pm

    Ha, I love your boldness to call a baby a dick. Because really, babies are dicks. I really think each one is its own challenge, especially with sleep. In your case (I can be an expert because I’m not in your shoes) I would say if she wakes up ten minutes after falling asleep, set an amount of time where you can handle just letting her cry and see if she goes back to sleep. I do this with my kids and its really hard. But if I look at the clock and say, “OK, if he’s still crying in five minutes I’ll go help him out,” I know the feeling will be over in a few minutes. And sometimes they’re asleep by the time five minutes is up. Also you could try nursing for just a few minutes, then unlatching her and putting her down. She might have fooled herself into thinking she needs to eat all the time but cutting it short can sometimes help them cut back on cravings.

  • LJ April 28, 2013 at 9:02 pm

    Dude, this is so my life right now. My son is 2.5 and my daughter is 4.5 months and I’m just waiting for the 5-7 month window where I hear sleep training is successful. I rock my daughter into an oblivion so she does not wake my son-monster next door. It’s so frustrating. I can’t believe I’m looking forward to sleep-training…hearing them cry is the worst…are you drinking butt loads of booze while they cry? It helps!!!

  • Lauren April 29, 2013 at 6:50 pm

    I think we might have given birth to the exact same two children. My son sucked. Like, I can totally relate when you say that G was a dick baby. That is the perfect description for my son (currently 20 months, and I don’t know that I would quite put the past tense on “dick baby” yet). He sucked(sucks) at sleeping. Seriously, it makes you crazy. Then I gave birth to the most gorgeous, sweet, adorable little bundle of girl that ever walked (rolled around on?) the planet. I cannot let her cry. Ever. It isn’t that I love her more, because I adore my son. She is just too sweet and perfect to let cry. I simply cannot do it. Luckily she is a fairly good sleeper, but I let her nap in the swing. If she naps in her bed, she naps for 45 minutes. If she naps in the swing, she naps for 3.5 hours. It is an easy choice for me!

  • Sasha April 30, 2013 at 4:44 pm

    Bahaha. I’m where you are now. I’m on night 8 of sleeplessness over here. On the bright side, it’s fairly common at this age. On the brighter side, everything I’ve heard and experienced says it will end. :) Baby sleep regressions are NOT the bee’s knees. But they end! Good luck! Also, I love your blog :)

  • Kellie May 1, 2013 at 8:52 am

    I love you MODGE…can you host like a women’s retreat or something where we all get together and drink too much wine and dance along to Britney Spears videos…have competitions: see who can squirt their breastmilk the furthest… nap the longest, etc…

  • Jilian May 1, 2013 at 12:50 pm

    I friend pointed me to your site… and repeatedly does every time I’m venting about my kiddos. She’s right – we would have so much to talk about over coffee. My son is almost 3. My daughter is 9 months. I call my daughter drama. She doesn’t cry, she screams. And she has since the day we brought her home. The first 3-4 months she was just NOT CONTENT with life. She is MUCH improved… but napping – ugh napping. I stopped fighting for that evening nap and let her stay up for 6 hours at a time even thought everything in me says NO 5 MONTH OLD SHOULD BE AWAKE FOR THIS LONG! But like you said with R. She happy. So why stress us both out for 2 hours trying to make her nap. The other naps are anywhere from 30 min to 2 hrs on a really good day. And now all the sudden she’s 9 months old and 2 naps is probably right for her. But that sweet spot between 2 and 4.5 months when she slept through the night. Long gone. We nurse anywhere from 1-4x each night. Girl can not self soothe. If she wakes up – she needs boob. With my son – this never would have flown. Sleep training all the way. With her. Maybe she’s different. Maybe I’m different. It’s just different. Yes her brother is sleeping 5 ft away and I don’t want to wake him. But I’m just also not as motivated to sleep train. But the guilt is telling me I’m doing her a dis-service because she can’t self soothe. And GOD – I just want some SLEEP! I tell myself one day she’ll sleep. Or maybe I’ll re-evaluate if she still not sleeping at 1. Who knows. I feel your pain. (PS She has confirmed her place as the ‘baby’ in the family because there’s no way I could go through this again!! ha)

  • Kate May 1, 2013 at 3:07 pm

    Getting babies to sleep better….I don’t know a parent that doesn’t have this problem. What I am thinking is that we make the problem. If almost all of us have this issue possibly it’s because we are forcing them to do something that just isn’t natural for them to do. My son was the worst sleeper ever to grace the planet. It was awful for me. You know what I did? I surrendered and quit trying all the crap they tell you to try that just makes you feel like more crap. I let him sleep and wake when he wanted. The only thing I did, based really on instinct, was make sure from the beginning to always put him down when he was sleepy but still awake. Around 6 months old we switched him from the cosleeper to his crib. That was scary. I would go in every time he cried and pat his back, shhh him, then walk out of that room. After a couple weeks the kid just stopped. No biggie. I feel for you, since I have to start the whole exhaustion whywonttheysleeptheymusthateme process all over again with a whole new baby this October. This time around I’m not even bothering with all that crap that just causes more stress. I’ll just wait it out again.

  • Ali May 2, 2013 at 11:34 am

    I found your blog googling about crappy napping after trying to put my son down about 239 times for one nap. Driving me up the wall. I think I’d rather take a fork to my eyeball. He was born just one day after your beautiful Ruby (11/21) and was also 9 lb. 2 oz! Weird, I know. He also has the sweetest demeanor and smile so I’m having a hard time entertaining the thought of sleep training him (did it with my first, easy peasy, didn’t bother me to hear him cry really . . . this time I HATE hearing him cry! Something about this second child . . . ). It MUST be done though. Can’t handle this shitty napping and not sleeping at night (up at least 3-5x which wouldn’t bother me as much if you would actually EAT and not just nibble my nipple for 2 minutes and then refuse to lay back down) any longer. Mostly because when I’m putting him down for nap over and over again who knows what the almost 4 year old terror is doing to my house (yesterday it was using one of my seashell decorations to take water from the toilet and pouring it on a lamp) . . . Oy.

  • Adolph Keller May 6, 2013 at 5:19 am

    This article outlines the average 6 month old baby schedule, including feedings, solids, naps and night sleep.

  • Lisa May 6, 2013 at 5:36 am

    Wow, I just found your blog from Alexis at Troublesome Tots and I am in tears reading it. Birth stories, walking round the kitchen in circles to take up 7 mins, dramababies, anxiety, all of it is well…. me. Thanks for writing. Sometimes I feel alone.

    I kind of love kind of hate this mum stuff. Am a mum to a 9.5 month old old. And I sort of want another one. But part of me wants another one to unleash my motherhood wisdom on it and show that i.have.mastered.this!!!!

    I’m not ready for another one.

    Listen to Alexis, she is a wise mama. You are doing an awesome job. Hope Ruby is sleeping more. I have earplugs so when my son starts up I pop them in and just crazily watch the red lights on the monitor to know he is crying, but not hear it. Makes me feel a little less sick to my stomach. Apart from even though they are made of mouldable foam for some reason my ear seemed to be wrong shape last night 😉