I just got some NEWS. And not the US Weekly kind. I’m going to be alone with the kids for a full week. That means, wake ups, all meals, all baths, all NIGHT LONG wake ups and all entertainment. Me. And then? When it’s all over? I have to do it again, and again, and again. That’s a total of FOUR WEEKS ON MY OWN.
B is going out of town for non negotiable reasons (to see his girlfriend) and I don’t know what I’m going to do. Let’s be honest, I mean, I know there are many single parents out there with more kids than me and more problems than me. But I’m like a below average parent when it comes to handing them together. I struggle. I have anxiety and I just get overwhelmed with 2 kids crying or wanting attention. Or one wanting mommy to PLAY TRAINS PLAY TRAINS and the other needing to be fed. And then the one needing to be fed HAS to be fed in a dark quiet room because she wants to watch her brother scream around like a maniac.
And the guilt, the stupid guilt. I feel terrible telling G no when all he wants to do is play with me. I hear Cats in the Cradle playing softly in my head and I cry in the corner. Ok not really, but I feel bad. But 10 minutes later I’m like WHY WON’T THIS KID PLAY BY HIMSELF EVER? And then I put the tv on so I can keep his sister alive for one more day. And then I feel bad for putting on the TV after he’s running around screaming about a cat in a hat or a damn monkey one more time.
Do we put too much pressure on ourselves as mom’s these days? I mean, I’m trying to cook meals from scratch, keep my toddler artfully entertained with wooden organic virgin fairy tear dust toys, exclusively breastfeed my infant and oh, lose all the baby weight immediately. AND have nice hair.
When I was little, I had a TV in my room at 6. It was pink. My parents were thrilled if I ate spaghetti-o’s and took me to get a happy meal when they would go to the Chinese restaurant. Granted, I’m no picture of health these days, but man alive, doing shit the “right” way is tough.
And is it just going to get harder? I mean are we going to be worried about the grassfed cow meat that possibly once ate dandelions instead of just grass because that cow could give my child early male pattern baldness? I just can’t keep up and I’m so tired.
None of us are doing this to ourselves to purposely make our lives harder, I get that. I mean it’s our kids, we want the best for them. We want them to be social and have friends but be really smart in school and study all the time and be hard workers. But also have fun and play well with others and share. And pee in the potty before they are 12. But not too soon because it has to be done in their own time and way. And and andand andandnadkfha;dkfja’lskjf’asldkjf never ever never get sick.
Can you tell I’m overwhelmed? G is just in full on terrible 2’s tantrum mode right now. Like god forbid we build the house with pillows and blankets with the corner sticking out on the top right instead of the top left like it was yesterday. TANTRUM. Or jesusapplesauce if G wants to hold the “big spoon” but we don’t know which big spoon in 3 tries or less. Done. G is what the hippies call “spirited”. He’s what I call a temporary pain in my ass. I love my ass pain more than glitter rainbows, but it doesn’t make it hurt my ass any less right now. And yes, I know it’s temporary. The books promise me that. Everything is a phase. But if I can’t complain about it in a super dramatic way here, where can I?
Also as aside, I hate winter. I have never hated winter more in my entire life than I have with 2 kids in this damn house.
Do you know who else hates winter? Every other parent with kids. I know this because of the dinosaur “expo” I attended charging 30 thousand dollars a family for kids to look at animatronic dinosaurs for 10 minutes. Because it’s inside. In the winter. And you know what? I RAN there.
This was a big mess of complain wasn’t it? I’m sorry. We’ll get through this together. And if I don’t, I will turn this blog over to G and things will get real dramatic around here. Don’t you dare ask him to put on a sweater.
How are you surviving the indoors with kids? PLEASE for the love of sparkles, give him indoor activities for my single parenting upcoming time. Also your phone number if you want to babysit.
PS I’m selling my clothes to buy money for anxiety meds and booz. Buy them.