small beings

We’re being honest with how much we eat poop.

February 17, 2013

I’VE MISSED YOU. SO MUCH. no really.

I have spent the last 2 weeks or however long time passes these days, covered in vomit, diarrhea and sweat. And for once, it’s not out of the body of a child. It’s my own.

I wake up in the middle of the night.

Me: B, I’m sick.

B: What’s wrong.

Me: I just told you.

B: Ok. (goes back to sleep)

And I silently die. Ok not silently. I groan extra loud. Whenever I am sick I feel like I need to sleep with my head on the opposite side of the bed. It’s like a proclamation to the world that THINGS ARE ALL WRONG. And oh yeah, I need to wake up to feed Ruby, like all the time.

My first thought is that I totally F’d myself with my diet. I took it too far and my body is shutting down. It will say on my grave “WE TOLD YOU TO EAT, YOU ASSHOLE”. But really, I’m thinking I’m having a hypoglycemic episode since cutting back sugars. So I don’t panic.

Morning comes. Every muscle in my body is on fire. Like that Alicia Keys song. I’m pretty sure that’s what she is singing about.


I know that if I stand up I will black out. B has to go to work. I have to take care of 2 kids ?! When you are a mom and you need to “call out”, you are bombdiggerbomb screwed. Because there is no sub. And your husband looks at you like, I HAVE TO GO NOW. OK BYE?? And then you cry.

So B took one for the team and I stayed in my soft bed (grave) and rested (decomposed). Then I puked. I puked every hour on the hour. I puked water, ice, air with extra dust in it. Then I pooped. I pooped fire poop. At this point I realized that this was no sugar detox. This was something bigger.


Do you noro about norovirus? It’s noro joke. Except for those jokes. I’ve been working on them for a week. You catch it from poop food or crowded places. Listen, let’s be honest, I eat poop no less than 2 times a day and so does every other mom in this world. Not on purpose. But it happens. So there.

It took me 48 hours of Full House reruns to feel like I could even move my legs. I did learn though that Uncle Jesse’s twins won’t socialize with others and that’s a problem (this was the description of the episode).


It took 3 days of energy to scream that at the tv. 70% worth it.

Now I am “better”. However my milk supply is way down low low low. I’ve always had glorious fountains of milk and now I’m a desert. I’m doing all the tricks I know to get it back up, but Ruby is not so happy with this development.

And when I was better, do you know what the first thing I did was? Try on the 349 pairs of jeans that arrived while I was sick (that arrived when B was home OF COURSE). I have so much jean knowledge to impart to you guys soon.

I wish I could write more and more often. I have lots to tell you all, all the time. Like all about G’s every20minutesIneedtothrowatantrum syndrome. But it’s looking like I get maybe an hour a week to do this for now.

Love and lust,



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  • Nancy February 17, 2013 at 3:00 pm

    My lil gal has the noro and you ain’t kidding about the norojoke. Toddler puking is the worst.
    I’m now just sitting around drinking fluids and trying not to eat. I know this thing is going to get me and I’m going to die.

  • demi February 17, 2013 at 3:03 pm

    OH DEAR. I’ve had the noro before. You are EXACTLY right about the body fires. EXACTLY RIGHT. I felt like death on a platter, I ended up in the ER because I was LEGIT freaking the F out. Girl I’m so sorry. Hydrate with water, lemon juice, apple cider vinegar, and prayers and hopefully that helps. xoxo

  • Shan February 17, 2013 at 3:23 pm

    Girlfriend, it is time – way past time actually – to get yourself a babysitter for a few hours each week. Some train-playing, tantrum-loving sucker to get yourself a little break!

  • Laura February 17, 2013 at 3:24 pm

    Oh I am feeling your pain! I’ve been on the couch for 2 days unable to really move or talk because of the 2nd flu this winter. I have 5 kids age 6 and under and my husband is sick with it too. Somebody help! You are not kidding about 3 days of energy just to yell at the TV. I CAN’T GET MY TV TO WORK AND MY 3 YEAR OLD JUST WOKE UP THE TWINS!!! My husband is buying pants for a business trip, leaving tomorrow night, and getting me some orange juice. (He will make fun of me about the TV thing in about 20 minutes) I’m so scared that I won’t be better by the time he has to leave. But you know what’s funny that I’m remembering now? As I was laying in my bed having feverish sleep/thoughts last night I thought “MODG is just the best. She really is. I hope she knows it.” So there you go…feverish…but true.

  • Sara February 17, 2013 at 4:09 pm

    I had some 48hour buttfuckery like this when my baby was a few weeks old. It was right after my shitty milk supply was moving up and getting less shitty and then it went straight to hell again. And I couldn’t even watch tv because my body was that angry. Good luck with supply, dude! I’m an arsenal of milk supply knowledge after 3 months of trying every gotdamn thing. I have a good recipe for cookies that my lactation consultant gave me. They are chocolate chip and you are supposed it eat at least 4 a day. They were so good that my husband kept dippin into my lactation cookie stash. Rude.

  • Rachael February 17, 2013 at 4:46 pm

    My family and I had norovirus twice this year.. Yep, that’s right there is multiple strains !!! Hope it does not infect anyone else in your house. Ran through our house and all of our Thanksgiving guests like wildfire.

  • Candice February 17, 2013 at 5:09 pm

    My supply went WAY down the second month with my son. Scary low and I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to keep it up. I took fenugreek and couldn’t deal with the maple syrup smell seeping out of every hole in my body. So a friend suggested Motherlove’s More Milk Plus herbal capsules. Set my alarm and took them 3 times a day (I took double the amount which says you can if you’re a certain weight, which I wasn’t but I thought: its herbal. How bad could it hurt me?). After a week I could tell a huge difference. Kept it up until I started getting clogged ducts bc I was producing more than he could keep up with (which I learned could be taken care of with a needle – sounds painful but wasn’t). All that to say…it worked and without the smell of maple syrup dispite the fact there is fenugreek within the product.

  • Stacey February 17, 2013 at 6:34 pm

    I also just had something the other week – emergency appendectomy which left my milk terribly low. It seems that water tons of it is what’s helping me get back up to where I need to be for breast milk.
    Feel better!

  • Katie February 17, 2013 at 7:50 pm

    Apparentlyni eat a lot of poop. I have had it twice since Christmas. It is terrible. Rehydrating yourself will help, you might even talk to your dr. About a potassium I.v. They can help. Good luck!

  • Chloe February 17, 2013 at 8:19 pm

    I had it too. My husband took 3 days off to take care of the toddler while I was sick. Then the next week he took four days off to lay in bed himself. Now we’ll never take a vacation again. Plus we were so sick. It was horrible. Sorry you got it. Hope the others manage to stay well. Fortunately my toddler seemed to have a milder version of it that just involved endless diarrhea. Oh, did I say fortunately? It was gross. I guess it was fortunate that he wasn’t puking.

  • Shannon February 17, 2013 at 8:38 pm

    Ugh, being sick with small children is the worst.
    My (amazing) Chinese Medicine doctor swears by pigs trotter soup for increasing milk supply, and I can attest to its efficacy. Bone broth of any kind is very nourishing after illness. She has a recipe here (scroll down):

    Can’t wait to hear about the jeans!!

  • Rebecca February 17, 2013 at 9:12 pm

    miss you too MODG! Hang in there!!!

  • Carolin February 17, 2013 at 9:47 pm

    We had it too…my 2 yr old, me, my 12 yr old and then my MIL after she so kindly came to take care of me and the 2 plague ridden offspring on day 3.

    Did I mention my brother’s baby momma’s baby shower was called off because of this?! Well, that and the blizzard but even without the blizzard I could not have managed hosting a baby shower that weekend. Yeah…so much to planning 4 months ago…

    Hope all is better now! It took 5 days start to finish here.

  • Mia February 17, 2013 at 10:04 pm

    Actually, I think your comment is just plain rude. I have no kids and don’t plan on it anytime soon. And I still love to read this blog! Clearly you have never been told if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it at all. I know that your comment was to Amanda; however, it really got to me. She puts her life and the life of her family out there for everyone to read and enjoy/learn from. Not to be criticized. Nobody is forcing you to read. That’s all.

    As for you MODG, feel better and hang in there!

  • Erin February 17, 2013 at 11:01 pm

    Dude! I had the Noro and it was awful!! Ass pee for five days. I neglected my children and I dont even care. They somehow avoided it while my husband and I spent days simply groaning. Sending you happy full booby thoughts.

  • Faith February 17, 2013 at 11:04 pm

    Boo hoo hoo, then stop reading the blog! No one is forcing you to read about a real mother’s account of her daily (weekly?) life and I, for one, appreciate that MODG doesn’t just post about sunshine and milestones. We had a weaker strain of norovirus hit our house and it was H.E.L.L., not as bad as this account, but I understand where MODG is coming from.

    Bottom line: don’t like the blog? Stop reading!!

    I, however, will thoroughly enjoy each and every post…

  • Alexandra February 17, 2013 at 11:41 pm

    My son (then 10 months) and I caught the norovirus last year. It was godawful.

  • tara February 18, 2013 at 1:20 am

    Yeah….this comment doesn’t even make sense. How about just don’t comment and not read again? There’s no need for you to leave a comment. At all.

    Feel better MODG!! You’re awesome and I can’t wait to see the jean recap next week :)

    p.s. my response to Jayden was WAY harsher and my husband made me tone it back……

  • Meg February 18, 2013 at 2:55 am

    Andddd Jayden is annoying.

    • Mia February 18, 2013 at 10:15 am

      Well now we all look crazy as if were talking about something that doesn’t exist! At least Jayden took the hint to delete the comment. No room for negativity here!

  • Here's to a Boring Year February 18, 2013 at 6:55 am

    I’m sorry you’re sick… That’s never fun!

    Gastro is the pits. However, in my house it’s now considered both a blessing and a curse, which is kind of weird I guess. A blessing because we basically credit it with saving our son’s life. And a curse because, well, puking and firey butt-wee and all.

    I hope you get better really soon!

  • Alicia February 18, 2013 at 7:37 am

    I have some domperidone that I won’t be using. It takes forever to get through the mail. I am a TBC mom so I live kind of nearby if you want some. I took it to get my supply back after I had a breast abscess and lost all of my supply.

  • Mia February 18, 2013 at 10:14 am

    Well now we all look crazy as if were talking about something that doesn’t exist! At least Jayden took the hint to delete the comment. No room for negativity here!

  • Noelle February 18, 2013 at 12:28 pm

    Wow! Hope you and your family start feeling better soon. I have a 4 month old who only poops every 10 days and holy crap…when he finally poops it’s a blowout and it’s EVERYWHERE and I’m pretty sure some of it gets in my mouth. I have no idea what it’s like to have the noro or how to get rid of it but as far as getting some extra great nutrition into your body and little Ruby’s body, I would recommend that you research Juice Plus. It’ll give you and Rudy (through your breast milk) all of the fruits and veggie nutrition you need for the day. I know you’ve been experimenting and eliminating a lot from your diet… might want to give this a go.

  • Lauren @ T&G February 18, 2013 at 9:08 pm

    I woke up with a mildly scratchy throat on Friday and called my husband to say COME HOME NOW I DONT CARE IF YOURE WORKING TAKE A SICK DAY. He didn’t take the bait, and I was pissed. Taking care of a baby is impossible when you don’t feel well. I can’t even imagine what a task it would be when going to hell and back with the norovirus. I hope you at least lost some weight from getting sick! (we can’t forget what’s really important here).

  • Erin February 19, 2013 at 3:35 pm

    But but but…did you lose some baby weight?

    (bright side)

  • Bridget February 19, 2013 at 4:30 pm

    Hey MODG .. hope you feel better soon!

    I am a FTM and have low supply issues .. would love to know your tricks to building your supply! You seem to be a Breastfeeding Queen, any other breastfeeding tips you could share?

  • Jen @ Ginger Guide February 19, 2013 at 10:00 pm

    Dude I had that shit two weeks ago and it felt like my bowels were angry with me. Like I had just thrown its favorite pair of expensive shoes in the wood chipper kind of angry. On the plus side, I got the bedroom with tv all to myself for four whole days. Four days of not watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse or hearing “mooooommy I pooped! Noooooowwwwww!!” And I lost five pounds.

  • Sincerely, Jenni February 20, 2013 at 2:59 pm

    Oh gosh, I so remember those days of having two little ones at home with me. Now I have teenagers and I truly can’t decide which is worse– your situation or mine. Actually, I’ll give you the win on this one, because at least my kids can wipe their own butts.