I never write this type of post. But this time it is necessary…

I really wish I could respond to only the positive comments and ignore the negative ones. Because the positivity always is greater than the negativity and I appreciate everyone’s support so much. But the negative comments stick out and sometimes I feel like I need to defend myself. And I’ll be honest, some of the comments on the last post made me mad. Not just for me, but for so many breastfeeding women who struggle.

It seems like every time I talk about breastfeeding on this blog, a battle begins. And that to me is super sad. I’d hope as mothers we could all support each other. I mean, you all at least know a little bit about me. You know enough to know that I’m going to do what’s best for my daughter no matter what. You know that I’m not a breastfeeding psycho who stares down the face of formula feeding mothers. I do not judge. Really I don’t. You never know what put someone into the situation they are in.

But I re-read the last post. And despite the fact that some of you could have been a little more tactful and considerate, I understand how you could see things the way that you did.

And I understand how I could have come across as selfish. Possibly that I’m so dedicated to breastfeeding that I’m forgetting about the well-being of my daughter. I see how you could read it that way. I normally don’t do this, but I need to clarify. Because if anything is true, all I care about is doing what’s best for Ruby.

One of you pointed out that I’m “so dramatic”. Probably not the time and place for a comment like that but YES I’m so dramatic. Hi, I’m MODG nice to meet you. I’ve been dramatic for all 70 years of this blog. It’s why you read it. I haven’t heard a lot of people say lately “Hey there’s this blog I love. She’s SO normal and level headed”. Drama is who I am in my life, whether it’s about B’s bandana choices or breastfeeding. It’s real and it’s not manufactured for this blog. Trust me, B and everyone else wishes I could tone it down a bit.  But when I’m in the thick of a problem, I think worse case scenario and I panic.

That brings me to Ruby’s state. So many of you said that Ruby is sick and in pain and I should do what it takes to fix that. Ruby is not in pain. Ruby passes that water poop like it’s her job. There is no crying involved. She takes the gas like a champ. And I need to remind myself of that because all of this could just be baby digestive stuff that’s going on. But the smell of the poop and consistency is what concerns me. Also the frequency of gas. But dudes, she’s a happy baby. She’s not like G. If she was in visible pain, and I knew it was from breast milk, I would quit today and order the case of the formula.

I went to our pediatrician and my breastfeeding group and they all told me to chill out. They told me that she’s gaining weight, she’s happy and poop is poop. Every kid’s is different. Now, I take this with a grain of salt. It’s good to hear, but I do know deep down that her poop shouldn’t look and smell that way. But it’s enough to know that I don’t need to throw out my boobs today and buy formula. I’m not killing my child with my milk.

My milk. As I said in my last post, I don’t know for an absolute fact that my milk is “bad”. I don’t know for sure that I have a leaky gut. I’m doing the best I can to figure all of this out and signs are pointing in this direction. This good news is that with dedication, I can fix this. It won’t be easy but I’m doing it because it’s best for my daughter. Yes, formula is just fine and I have no problem with it. But it even says on the can “breast milk is best.” I’m working to give her the best I can. Not for me. Not for the hippies. Not for ANY other reason that for the well being of my daughter.

So far I’ve cut out grains, dairy and soy and I’ve seen an improvement. The thing with a leaky gut is that you’ll see improvement when you cut out the big dog culprits but she won’t be totally “cured” until the gut is healed. So because I’m seeing improvement, I’m going to keep going.

A friend of mine, who went through something similar, sent me a note yesterday that said this:

“I think everyone has gotten it all wrong when they focus on the nutritional and immunological benefits of breastfeeding (not that they are unimportant)… for me, it was the bonding— the look of sheer ecstasy when she would latch on— that made me continue what I was doing. I feel like that is what she wanted of me, what she expected. I feel like it’s what I owed her and wanted to provide to her.” -H

Yes. Of course Ruby’s health is #1. But there IS so much more to breastfeeding that is important to my child. And I felt this way with G. It was his only comfort when he was in pain. It was his reconnection to me when he was scared. It was his safety to know that mom was there. I know that I can build a different bond with bottle feeding and I don’t discredit that. But I’m trying to not take this away from my daughter if I don’t have to.

I mentioned this to many commenters but please think of it like this: If you formula fed and your baby was sick, you’d probably just try a different formula. If someone told you that formula was “bad” and you need to do the right thing and start breastfeeding for the well being of your baby, you’d shit yourself and smear it in their face. So please remember that when you’re telling me to “do the right thing”.

I get that it’s my choice to put all of this out there for you to read and comment as you like. But I have a lot of respect for everyone who reads this as 9 times out of 10 everyone is respectful right back. I put it out there because I get some of my best advice from you guys. Like someone suggested I take digestive enzymes, which are ordered as we speak and I’m grateful for the suggestion. But remember this when you comment here:

You don’t have to agree with what I do. You don’t have to even understand what I do. But I just ask that you respect it and respect me as well as other commenters. We are ALL doing the best we can as women and moms.

I do not want this battle to continue so I closed the comments on the last post. Let’s start over here and move forward.

LOVE to you all,

MODG

 

 

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POSTED IN: breastfeeding

{ 166 comments }

Erin January 5, 2013 at 2:16 pm

People are assholes. I don’t get it.

Linka72 January 5, 2013 at 5:27 pm

I swear to Sweet Baby Jesus that I’m going to have that printed on a t-shirt for her….

Jen January 5, 2013 at 2:18 pm

wow, great post. I haven’t been reading the last few but I agree that we’re all doing the best we can. I hope all continues to go well with breastfeeding for you.

Nikki V January 5, 2013 at 2:20 pm

I’m still stuck on the fact that people haven’t learned that MODG is a bit dramatic……Oh well, you are doing what’s best for Ruby and like you said, breast milk is best, it’s not hurting her, babies fart that’s just how it is. If it weren’t for breastfeeding our boobs would have no purpose, kinda like our appendix. I say this as a mom who had to formula feed my fist and then fought like hell to make breast feeding work for baby #2. Keep it up MODG!

Brianne January 5, 2013 at 2:20 pm

AGREE! Your choice is your choice. YOU know what’s best for YOUR baby. Thank you for sharing it with us in very hilarious, dramatic ways. Women and moms need to support each other always. Come on everyone.

Bonzo January 5, 2013 at 2:22 pm

You’re a great mom. You’re doing everything right and right for you. My first had delightful yellow breastmilk poops that smelled like caramel. But my second (now g’s age) sometimes went up to 10 days without pooping and it smelled like the apocalypse. You are in the shit right now, but in a year this will be a fuzzy memory. Hang in there, Sister.

Casie January 5, 2013 at 2:23 pm

You are doing the right thing! Don’t let anyone tell you differently. It drives me crazy that women can’t just be supportive of each others choices, no matter what they are.

Nikki January 5, 2013 at 2:26 pm

Good job, Modg. I’ll never understand why these battles must ensue. I was unable to breastfeed #1 and pumped for six months, which was bonkers. I still felt like a failure. Like you mentioned, for me it was a lot about the bonding that I feel I missed out on. I also don’t believe formula is evil. #2 is coming in a couple of months and I’ll fight the good fight to breastfeed this one.

Cynthia Martinez January 5, 2013 at 2:30 pm

I nursed 5 kids all past a year old .. And in my opinion the best way to feed a kid is any way where the mother feels comfortable .. I’ve seen a bazillion bottle babies who were just as happy and healthy as breast fed ones . in my humble opinion the happiest baby is one with a happy comfortable mom ..

Kristina January 5, 2013 at 4:15 pm

Thank you, Cynthia. Beautifully put.

Lauren {Adventures in Flip Flops} January 5, 2013 at 6:52 pm

Sounds like something my friend’s pediatrician told her when she was struggling with breast feeding. She was beating herself up, her munchkin was unhappy and the doctor said, “look, the first rule of babies is to feed the baby. There are a lot of ways you can do it, but as long as you do it, everything else is gravy.”

Cheryl S. January 5, 2013 at 7:00 pm

AMEN. Thank you Cynthia.

Alison January 5, 2013 at 10:02 pm

I appreciate this so much more than any Seinfeld-esque, “I will NEVER give my baby a bottle! (Not that there’s anything wrong with that….)” comments. Thank you:-)

Jess January 5, 2013 at 2:31 pm

I believe “the right thing” is what works best for you and Ruby. If you are up to changing your diet and exploring those options- good for you! If you decide it’s making you too stressed and would rather try formula – that’s ok also. The most important thing is that Ruby and you are BOTH healthy and happy! I am super pro-nursing as long as its in the best interest of both mom and baby! Best wishes as you work to figure thing out!

Lara January 5, 2013 at 2:31 pm

I am somewhat appalled that people would come on YOUR blog and comment rudely about how you are raising YOUR child. You are doing the best you can. Period.

xela January 5, 2013 at 2:31 pm

You are so wonderful and amazing! I love your blog and your honesty and how you always keep it real. You’re such an inspiration and just wanted to send my love <3

Lessons in Life and Light January 5, 2013 at 2:32 pm

Jesus Christ, WTF is wrong with people? Clearly, you are educated and are working diligently towards getting a handle on the problems you guys are having while still carefully watching Ruby’s health. It is SO easy to sit behind a computer, forget that the person you’re speaking to is, in fact, a REAL person, and be a complete asshole. I bet you 90% of the shitty things people say on the Internet would NEVER be uttered to another person in real life.

With that, you’re doing a good job and this IS going to get better. xoxo

Misty Buchanan January 5, 2013 at 2:34 pm

Wow! Breastfeeding (let alone having a new born) is tough enough without people being judgmental ass hats.

I could not breastfeed my two older boys. I had no milk. Zero! Zilch! Nada! I was upset my body sucked but had not choice but to bottle feed, and everyone had something to say about it.

Now, with my daughter, I have milk. She’ll be two in February and she still nurses. She hates cups and tells me she wants “the bubbies”. And guess what, now people have something to say about it.

“Shut up!” I want to tell everyone. How everyone thinks they know everything is beyond me. What happened to friendly advice?

Anyway, hang in there. Tell the ass hats to pack sand.

And my friendly advice, because my daughter also had EAS (explosive ass syndrome): if you are nursing more than every two hours, try pushing out the time between feedings. Piper had terrible gas, and poop so explosive that one night her EAS shot across me, the changing table, down the wall, and covered the leather chair, not a damn drop of it on her. My husband slept through it but our teenage son heard me bawling and came down to help. We tried gas drops, medicine for baby reflux, everything. Finally the baby nurse looked at the babies schedule and said, “You’re feeding her too much on demand. Stretch it out a bit. I bet she’ll gain more weight next time I come and her belly and EAS will be better. ” Holy crap she was right. It was a miracle I tell you. A miracle! We were so much happier.

Also we started using the Fisher Price Rock and Play Sleeper and it was awesome! She slept for more than 5 minutes at a time. They sleep at a safe angle and it is so portable. And unlike to other “nappers” that have been recalled, this one is safe. We loved it, check it out. Sleep is an amazing thing.

Hang in there Mama!

-and sorry for any typo’s, I’m typing one handed cause yup, I’m nursing.

Misty Buchanan January 5, 2013 at 2:48 pm

Oh, and I also had to get rid of onions, garlic, tomatoes and banana’s from my diet. Not fun.

Leyna January 5, 2013 at 3:01 pm

I’ve heard awesome things about the Rock & Play, too–just a few warnings about baby getting flat spots because they sleep TOO well. Easily fixable with an add-on headrest/donut.

Leslie January 12, 2013 at 12:18 pm

My son slept for 3 months in it at night and naps and no issues with flat spots. He slept soo well in it! 7 hours a night starting at 8 weeks

Morgan January 5, 2013 at 6:02 pm

I had to get rid of raw onion, tomatoes and bananas from my diet when nursing as well. These are all “avoid” foods for blood type A in the eat right for your blood type diet. After realizing this was an issue I stuck stricktly to the “beneficial” foods for my blood type until my little guy was ~ 5 months and he never had gas. Once he was a bit older I was able to add them back in slowely as treats (aka pizza once a week) without it bothering him. Now that he is 2 he is good with all of these things although I do keep the tomatoes to a minimum

Misty Buchanan January 6, 2013 at 10:18 pm

Morgan – WOW! Thanks for the info. I have heard of the blood type diet but have never looked into it. Very very interesting. I try to avoid tomatoes still also but the others in moderation now don’t seem to bother her. She is also almost two.

When she was a newborn I ate a banana and I swear she spit up banana. That was the end of bananas for me.

Melissa January 5, 2013 at 2:34 pm

Don’t let the negative comments get to you. You know you are doing the best that you can for your baby – whether it be breastfeeding or formula. It must be tough going through what you are going through.

Meagan {Green Motherhood} January 5, 2013 at 2:37 pm

Ack! Sorry you had to deal with this. I hate it how this “what we feed baby” becomes such a debate. Do the best you can, right?
I think I’ve told you this before, but here it is again.
My daughter had colic symptoms from 2-5 weeks of age. Taking dairy and soy out of my diet lessened it, but putting her on a probiotic was an absolute godsend. It helped keep her belly so happy.(has your doc/crunchy momma friends mentioned trying this?)
When she started solid food, we continued the dairy/soy free diet with her and at 16 months our naturopath diagnosed a gluten allergy. I noticed a major difference in the texture and frequency of her poop immediately after removing gluten from her diet.
Now, at 2 and 1/2, the diet is totally part of our family’s lifestyle( i would say we are very paleoesque) We’re working on healing her gut through kefir and bone broths. I’ve also eliminated any GMO foods. Which basically means I cook.everything.
Just saying, you can do it. One step at a time.
I’m healing my gut to right now to hope our next one day child won’t have to go through all of this. Not sure if you’ve looked into the GAPS diet, but that’s where I find a lot of info on our diet.
Good luck!
Keep on crunchin’

Meagan {Green Motherhood} January 5, 2013 at 2:43 pm

Ok, just read the last post and realized you are doing everything I just mentioned. Oops!

You know, sometimes, it’s like the more we know, the more we worry. Every baby really is different. Prayers for y’all! I know that this can be stressful.

carolin January 5, 2013 at 2:38 pm

You are my hero! I love that you are dramatic and I love even more that you breastfeed. My son is 22 months old and that look of sheer ecstasy that your friend speaks of is still a thrice a day occurrence. My favorite part (aside from the fact that he is in the 90th percentile in everything but weight) is the part where his ecstatic eyes roll in the back of his head immediately post latch on.

My son has a peanut allergy and reacts to too many GMO ingredients in any one food (including soy). He doesn’t do well with dairy either. My husband and I both have no known food allergies. How did we manage to create a perfect little human with such an imperfect digestive tract? Now just imagine how awful his poor little life would’ve been had I not started breastfeeding and gave him a dairy or soy based formula…

…the point that I’m trying to make is if your baby is gaining weight, is happy and the gas doesn’t bother her then I’m with all of your friends that tell you to chill out. Poop comes in different shades, colors and consistencies. Breast is best regardless! In my opinion if you don’t at least try breastfeeding you’re doing yourself AND your child a severe injustice.

I am also not a judgmental, stare formula feeding moms down, kind of breastfeeder but something inside me finds the idea of artificial milk based on the milk fed to a cow or even based on a genetically modified plant creepy and for my child it was not and will not ever be an option.

You keep going and everything will be fine. :)

xoxo C!

mamagaytko January 5, 2013 at 2:38 pm

I’m sorry you had to deal with some royal douchecanoes. It’s never made any sense to me why people (esp people who don’t know you in real life) think they have the right to dictate choices you make for your child. I’ve disagreed with a lot of things I’ve read on blogs but I put on my big girl panties and keep my mouth shut. Despite what I’d like to believe, I do not know everything. Your baby, your boobs, your choices. Keep being a great mom and making us laugh and forget about the rest :)

Emily January 5, 2013 at 2:39 pm

It’s a bummer that because it’s an online thing people find it so much more acceptable to say things that they wouldn’t say to anyone’s face… especially when it involves opinions about one’s parenting or the well-being of someone’s kid. Do people scour blogs looking for ways to bring down the rain? Good grief. I’m hoping you find all the support for your reader mamas comforting and know that the majority of us have read and “know” you well enough to know that you are first and foremost and awesome, kick-ass mama.

linden January 5, 2013 at 2:50 pm

YES. that’s what i was thinking as i read this post.. why do people forget that its an actual person and mom behind blog posts, its not just an impersonal article about feeding/raising/popping out a child?

AC January 5, 2013 at 2:39 pm

As I read this, I’m reminded of this article I read recently: http://extraordinary-ordinary.net/2012/01/22/your-hard-is-hard/
hope it helps somebody :)

Heather January 5, 2013 at 10:22 pm

Hello AC,

Thank you for mentioning my post.
I hope it helps somebody, too. We all need reminding that none of this mom stuff is a competition.

And MODG, I love the name Ruby, first of all. It was on our list but we landed on Elsie. She had ALL kinds of stomach/eating issues. I wrote a post once about everything I did to help her. (And her colicky brother before her) It’s chalk full of helpful products and other ways of reducing the discomfort and gas and pooping issues. http://extraordinary-ordinary.net/2011/08/14/living-the-scream/
I hope you find something that helps there!

Dawn January 6, 2013 at 4:39 pm

Ohmythankmyluckystars! Heather, I’m trying everything in your post (ha ha…eventually). My 1 month old has terribly painful gas and reflux and sometimes he just screams and screams! We are trying the generic of Zantac, along with gas drops. Might be starting to get better, but we’ll see. Unfortunately now he’s spitting up. I’ve cut out dairy, but im not sure its a food intolerance. Might even be oversupply. Geez, who knows.

You have a lot of great suggestions, along with many others from commenters on the modgblog! Without all these women, I would be lost! Thanks ladies, from one crazed-out mama to another!

So

Dawn January 6, 2013 at 4:40 pm

I don’t know what that last “so” was for…

Mel January 5, 2013 at 2:40 pm

Good for you. I got negative comments just for bf alone and then when I did dairy and soy free for 2 years I got even more crap. People will always give you crap no matter which road you chose to take. You do the best you can , when you can with the information you have at that time and of course, the all-knowing, ever so wise mommy gut. My family gives me shit for bf a 2 year old, well my kid, my boob and my f#$! decision . Stuff it! I am trying the best I can with what I got and so are you.

Emily January 5, 2013 at 2:44 pm

Switching to formula is not something to be taken lightly- especially with such a young baby, doing a formula trial could really hurt your supply. If Ruby isn’t constantly miserable or failing to thrive, I’m not sure why anyone would even suggest that over adapting your diet to better suit her. You’re doing a great job and I hope that the Paleo diet helps you!

Kelly @ turned up to eleven January 5, 2013 at 2:45 pm

There is no need for negativity, you’ve got my support girl.

ginger January 5, 2013 at 2:45 pm

I love that you do what you do, MODG, and that you aren’t judgmental about what other moms do. Keep doing what makes you and your family happy.

Haters are going to keep hating – but they’re missing out on a lot of sparkles and unicorns.

Katie January 5, 2013 at 2:46 pm

Trust yourself & feel free to ignore anyone else mama! My sister & I both had babies with tummy trouble. We now know my nephew had a fructose intolerance & was getting the baby runs whenever my Sis had a banana (he still can’t handle fruit at 4!). My daughter has spina bifida and some of the first symptoms we were noticing were GI trouble. She’s basically ok, but the diagnosis explained a lot for us. There are SO MANY reasons for baby tummy troubles – some you can solve, some they grow out of, some are just part of how we’re all made differently. Hang in there MODG!

KatieB January 5, 2013 at 2:47 pm

I think people forget just how difficult dealing with a newborn is!!!! Even one who is good-natured and laid-back like it sounds Ruby is. My son Elijah is 6 months old today, and as happy and loving and good-natured a baby as you could ever ask for, and he’s always been that way; that being said we had a really rough go of it in the breastfeeding department for several months due to my defective, inverted nipples and dealing with shields and mastitis and blocked ducts and all kinds of AWESOME FUN STUFF but I stubbornly stuck with it cuz I loved the bonding feeling of breastfeeding, even though before I had him and even while I was preggers I was like ehhhhh breastfeeding is kinda gross and ew and I’ll give it a try but not too attached to the idea.
Anyways.
All this to say, IT IS HARD to care for a newborn, even a happy newborn. Their little systems are so new and have to figure stuff out too, and it can just be completely overwhelming at times. Looking back now, only 6 months ago, it seems fuzzy and hazy and maybe not as bad as I thought…and then I open my journal which, praise God, I kept up…and I am like OH YEAH. That stuff is HARD and it’s WORK and you just gotta do whatever it takes to get through and avoid people who offer zero help!!!!!
I think MODG is pretty brave to be blogging all about this :) Heck, I never told my own mother my thoughts on all these things – I would get WAAAY too much input lol.

Tiffany January 5, 2013 at 2:48 pm

I had so many breastfeeding issues too, my daughter Ava (who is only a couple days younger than your Ruby) is “the worst breastfeeder we’ve ever seen” said the 3 lactation specialists I went to see when she was losing oodles of weight. I’m now pumping and bottle feeding and it is working out splendidly for us but you would not believe all the haters! “You wont have a great bond with your baby” or “Your baby wont know who her mother is” People just need to chill. I have a great bond with my daughter! Grrrr

I hope you figure everything out, these things have a way of working out in the end. (And I for one love all the dramatic-ness in your posts) luh you.

MarissaW January 5, 2013 at 2:48 pm

You are absolutely right, MODG, respect between moms is what is needed, not judging. Some of my mom friends and family who never tried breastfeeding told me not to even bother, that formula is just as good, which I am sure worked for them. I never put a lot of thought into whether I would want to breastfeed my baby or what, but as soon as I held him and he latched for the first time, I knew that it was natural and right for us. I, too, have over achieving boobs with a huge supply and fast letdown, so breastfeeding for us wasn’t always easy, but the bonding for us, I felt, was crucial. We powered through our problems, not without some tears, and are still going strong, 4 months later, which is one month past my original goal. Now I’m aiming for 6 months, which I know will be difficult as I just started back to work, but I am fully committed to continuing to breastfeed my little guy. I truly hope that you and Ruby figure out what’s best for both of you and always know that, whatever choice you end up making, I KNOW you are making it for all of the right reasons. Hugs!

Heather January 5, 2013 at 2:49 pm

I shared a very similar experience to yours, except my son’s poop was fairly normal OTHER than specks of blood in it. I gave up literally every food on the planet that could potentially cause an allergic reaction – so pretty much everything – and the blood never cleared up. People – even my own mom and mother-in-law – were like, “what kind of nutrition is he getting if your diet is so limited?” I finally caved and put him on a hypoallergenic formula per the doc’s advice, ONLY temporarily, when he was 3 mo. I pumped after every bottle I gave him, through my tears. The doc wanted me to reintroduce breastfeeding very slowly; like a quarter of an ounce at a time every week! I was like “f- that,” called a lactation consultant who supported me and my intentions for my son (finally!), and started breastfeeding him again starting once a day after 2 weeks of the formula. He had forgotten how to latch on, but I was fortunate to be able to re-teach him after several sessions. I got him back to the boob full-time pretty quickly after that…And looking back, my diet was healthier than anyone I know. It was very limited, but still very healthy. So there. It was a heartbreaking and an awful experience and more power to YOU for sticking with it; I know how hard it is.
Best of luck to you and Ruby, and try to ignore the negativity. You know what is best for you and your little gal!

Stephanie January 5, 2013 at 2:51 pm

Paleo! we’ve been at it a few months, and trying to finding great subs for certain things (esp things for my kids) has been a bit of a challenge. BUT the best “paleo” sub for pancakes and waffles is this:
http://www.thepaleomom.com/2012/09/perfect-paleo-pancakes.html
The coconut flour and almond flour just are ..wrong. Nut butter cookies rock. ENJOY!! =)

Heather January 5, 2013 at 2:52 pm

Oh! And after all of that the blood did clear up! Forgot that little detail :)

Heather January 5, 2013 at 2:53 pm

I would just like to say my girl is 6 months and had the same issue. I am not eating gluten/dairy and despite her ridiculous explosive poop…she is thriving. You know…Ruby is still developing. I don’t know why people think that once the baby comes out its “tada!!!! Baby is fully developed!”. Her digestive system may not be as developed as others. My son had no issues. My daughter is a whole different story. As long as she is doing well and you are doing what works for you then it will be fine. I feel so badly you had to read those negative comments. But so happy you responded with this wonderful post! Hope you are enjoying the new dynamic!

Megan January 5, 2013 at 2:53 pm

I would be more than happy to proof your comments and delete the crap before you see it! People are assholes and for some reason thing their opinion matters. Keep on keeping on, you’re doing a kick ass job!

Ilikebeerandbabies January 5, 2013 at 2:57 pm

And motherfuck, even if you don’t agree, shut your fucking mouth. Don’t they understand that you are a new mom with all kinds of crazy hormones going on? do they want to get cut? Hang in there, sister.

Kristi L January 5, 2013 at 2:58 pm

Well said, MODG. I’ve never understood judgy moms. We’re all trying our best to do what is best for our children. Only WE know what is best for OUR OWN children. Other women should be supportive and not judge, even when others’ parenting objectives don’t line up with their own. We’re all on the same team. Parenting is a hard job – likely the hardest job anyone will ever have. But it’s made even more difficult when you have other people shooting you down at every step. Can’t we all just get along and agree to disagree on some subjects? There’s no wrong answer here – bottle feeding, breastfeeding. Everyone will make the choice that is best for their children and no choice is “wrong”.

You’re doing an awesome mom job MODG. Your dedication to your children is amazing and no negative comments can take that away from you. Judgy moms can suck it.

Kelly January 5, 2013 at 2:59 pm

I had to stop breast feeding my first daughter at 8 months when I was admitted to the hospital and couldn’t see her. I tried to pump and it wouldn’t work and blah blah ..long story ..I had to stop. I got home and tried to continue and she was projectile vomitting …dehydrated from not taking to formula and wouldn’t take a bottle from me. I laid on the floor crying like a baby.not because I thought formula was the devil but because I loooooved the bonding of breast feeding and it sent me into a crying panic attack. I know how you feel.

Leyna January 5, 2013 at 2:59 pm

Good gawd. I’m sorry that turned nasty enough that you felt like you even had to respond. You know, scientists and formula companies have put a LOT of money and time into experiments over the years, trying to make formulas different and better for all kinds of babies. How many options are there to choose from at the store? Like you said, a formula-feeding mom might look at her little one with tummy problems and switch to a different type of formula–or try many different kinds. So you’re just doing the same thing, trying to change the “formulation” of your breast milk to make it better for Ruby until you find what works. You’re sacrificing, you’re experimenting, you’re paying close attention to the results you’re getting. In short, you’re doing a lot of research and a lot of damn hard work and you’re doing it FOR YOUR BABY. How people can get that wrong is beyond me.

Chelsey January 5, 2013 at 3:00 pm

Hi Modg, I’ve been reading your blog for 3 years and I have never commented EVER, because I am a huge weiner, but anyways. I am not a Mom yet, but I just want to tell you that you have inspired me to be a mom like you one day. You have always put your kids needs first and it shows. I love that you use this blog to educate others as well ask others for feedback. I am a parenting teacher in an inner city high school and I have honestly used your blog in my class to show my students things you have shared about parenting and it’s challenges. So, thank you for that, and your humor. People need to remember that if they don’t like your opinions, theories or suggestions, then they DON’T HAVE TO READ IT! I think you rock, please don’t ever change your posts because of ignorant people that lack character.
Glitter and Nipples!

Kiki January 5, 2013 at 3:02 pm

MODG — Long time reader. Anyone who would remark that you are not considering the needs of either of your children first are simply misinformed. You are being honest about your struggles, struggles that other people also have. It has got to be hard to hear anything negative when you are being so honest with challenges. Keep doing what you are doing for those that truly appreciate your honesty. In the end you are inspiring thought and debate. I urge everyone to act like an adult when expressing their opinion and be open enough to actually listen to the other side.

In case you have not heard it today, you are doing a fantastic job as a mother, wife and blogger.

KSweaz January 5, 2013 at 3:07 pm

You rock Mama. I appreciate you sharing your journey.

Ginny January 5, 2013 at 3:09 pm

Hi! I read your posts when/if I get a sec to do something fun, and I always want to comment like a stalker and freak you out with words of praise and admiration and how I totally and completely get how you feel, and other creepy-lady-stuff. I don’t have time to scare you like that, but thought I’d write real quick that if you haven’t tried the amino acid L-Glutamine, you should. My baby #2 had all kinds of digestive problems that docs couldn’t seem to NOT patronize me about, so a nutrition exploration began and I heard of taking this for leaky gut through a nutritionist. My son was so bad around 8 months/ a year old that he would throw just awful violent tantrums. We had to go to urgent care twice because of head injuries, including him knocking himself out once, and them irrigating and gluing one wound shut and them questioning how our home life was and if we had guns in the house. Made me feel awesome that IIIIII was the bad person when THEY were the ones not listening to me that my poor sweet son has a freaking problem!!! I also recommend finding a local holistic/alternative clinic or nutritionist that will do BioMeridian testing, if you haven’t tried this already. Have you, G, and Ruby tested. I think it’s around $80/hour generally, likely not covered by insurance, but totally worth it considering the cost of not-free formula and diet changes. It is a biofeedback test that is as easy as sitting there, talking to the person doing it, and placing your hand on a little metal thing while a computer reads what your body reacts poorly to. It’s not experimentally testing your blood or your patience or strength of will with a new expensive diet. It’s like in-your-face, can’t argue, this is what’s hurting your body based on your body’s energy, or lackthereof. I’m so sorry you have to listen to negativity and I admire you for putting yourself out there despite Mean Girls. ps, chiropractors can work wonders for little babies too, in super mysterious and magical ways including the digestive system. That’s all, good luck!!!

Alissa Lukasavage January 5, 2013 at 3:11 pm
Ivette January 5, 2013 at 3:12 pm

Amen Modg, people you can still have your opinions, but be respectful! Shes a great mother and does ALL she can for kids, she bent over backwards for G when he was having digestive problems, going on her elimination diet. She will do what her and her family deam best for their kids period.

This struck a cord with me, because i’m going through similar issues with breastfeeding my 6 month old, and I also am getting back lash from the in laws.

Karen January 5, 2013 at 3:13 pm

I couldn’t agree more about the non-nutritive benefits of breastfeeding – I loved feeling so close and connected to my babies!!! It would have broken my heart to have to stop breastfeeding before I was ready (for me, that was when my children were ready to stop).

I haven’t read the comments on your last post but I’m sorry you had to defend your choices at all. That did, I think you staged a very good defense :) You are doing what you think is best for Ruby and for yourself, which makes you am awesome mana in my eyes!!! Really hope the poop situation continues to improve!

Jess January 5, 2013 at 3:13 pm

Amen!! Your blog got me through my pregnancy. I’ll gladly tell all the ass hats to suck it for you! Much love to you, your family, and your choices!

demi January 5, 2013 at 3:18 pm

wowzers, people can be cruel! do YOU, like you always do, and rock it. I loved that comment that someone sent you-it’s SO true, breastfeeding is so much more than for health reasons…she worded it perfectly, whoever it was. I actually *miss* breastfeeding and my youngest is 4.

erin January 5, 2013 at 3:19 pm

MODG, long-time reader, very rare poster. I’m so sorry – this actually pissed me off too. When I initially read the last post, I honestly would have never thought for a moment that you were being selfish… I’m really sorry that you got bs comments that said otherwise. On that point though – you deserve to make selfish decisions sometimes – we all do, and we can’t pretend to understand the motivation/rationalization for anyone else. You’ve made and continue to make a lot of sacrifices for your sweet babies, and it makes me angry and disappointed that as women we don’t all support each other, rather than quickly jump into attack mode. Best of luck with paleo!

C C January 5, 2013 at 3:22 pm

The probiotic lactobacillus acidophilus can create a form of lactic acid that irritates little peoples tummies. We love Klaire labs infant probiotics. Also love Intestinal Repair Complex by Biogenesis. Hope things get better soon.

Meagan @Megs7827 January 5, 2013 at 3:24 pm

I’m going to be super honest with you. When G was a baby I kind of thought you were being dramatic and then I thought oh here she goes again with Ruby. When I read that last post you honestly convinced me that maybe there was something wrong and your explanation totally made sense. You’ll notice though even if I had thought you were being dramatic I never commented. These are your kids and you get to make every single choice. You can only eat chicken bone soup or whatever that crap was you ate with G and that’s all you. I wouldn’t give up dairy for my kid so probably makes you a better mom than me! I think you are doing your very best to raise children that will be a positive influence to our society so I have no other comments on how you get there. I’m sorry there are others that think they need to tell you what to do with your children. Keep doing a great job momma!

C C January 5, 2013 at 3:26 pm

The intestinal repair complex was for mamas leaky gut ;)

Robyn January 5, 2013 at 3:26 pm

I love you! Keep doing your thing, and never stop writing! I couldnt live without my modgeblog!

Brittany January 5, 2013 at 3:26 pm

I am so glad that you wrote a post defending yourself! I am sorry that people think they can attack you and be nasty. Lastly, I am proud of you for not giving up on the bf front! I am a hard-core bf advocate and I, too, would go to the end if the earth to make nursing work. Good job and good luck!

Meghan January 5, 2013 at 3:27 pm

Ugh this makes me so sad that people jumped to telling you what to do with your baby. I’m also a bf advocate and was set on it, even in my hard days. It made me SO MAD when people would say ‘just feed her formula’ in the early days when I was tired & it was difficult. People should have just said “good job MODG for sticking with what you think is right for your baby”. BF is hard. The responses on your blog finally helped me realize why sometimes I get annoyed with people who tell me they formula feed and it’ easier. Why is it that BF is the ONLY healthy choice that people tell you to change instead of support? I wrote this blog post today bc I was so worked up after reading the negativity you got on that other post.
http://wallshouse.blogspot.com/2013/01/i-finally-figured-it-out.html

Eileen January 5, 2013 at 3:31 pm

Keep on keeping on MODG, moms need to stick together. I think this criticism comes from insecurities from poor moms who didn’t/don’t get support they need. Every kid is different and their needs are different. When I went dairy free 3 months ago for my now 5 month old, peeps and family really gave me serious funny looks, but thankfully didn’t give me much more than that, and try hard to be thoughtful of it. Ruby has a mom who’s paying attention, and who loves her very much. Good luck with the diet changes and bf’ing.

Megan L January 5, 2013 at 3:33 pm

MODG- you are awesome. Sacrifice makes us stronger. You go.

Lindsay January 5, 2013 at 3:35 pm

You go girl! Right there with you, momma. To each his own. Keep being the awesome wife, mom, woman, blogger, you are!

Kristin H. January 5, 2013 at 3:39 pm

I adore you.

Theresa January 5, 2013 at 3:40 pm

Hi MODG,

My heart breaks after reading his post. First of all, I’ve been reading your blog for months and months. You are real and raw (and so hysterical) writing what so many think and feel but don’t say out loud. I am a mom of 2 and expecting again (crazy, right!)! I breastfed both of my children and know the health and nutritional impacts of breast feeding only add to the emotional impacts. I had fairly typical challenges with nursing but think you are a super mom for being so strong and determined. Keep doing what you’re doing. It’s best for your baby and for you because it’s what you want…and your the mommy! Keep writing! Keep us updated and try to smile and breathe in the small happy moments!

Ashley January 5, 2013 at 3:41 pm

Amen! Thanks for writing.

Melissa January 5, 2013 at 3:45 pm

Wow, I went back and read the comments on the last post. As I said before, I was in a very similar situation and if someone had said those things to me, it would’ve destroyed me. I’m sorry you had to read that. I just wanted to remind you that for every asshat that is nasty, there are 10 people who have been there and would do the same thing as you. Hang in there!

Aly January 5, 2013 at 3:47 pm

I’m going to be super honest here and say that I read your last post and was like COME ON ALREADY MODG. Although I would never leave a snarky comment to a Mom in the throes of crazy days (I’ve been there, I am there, I get it), I had similar sentiments as other frustrated commenters did. I’ve been reading since you were pregnant with G, and I truly felt for you during his nursing struggles and as a fellow Mom, felt plain relief when you said you wouldn’t go through that again. And then that last post made it sound like you were back at square 1 and I was like ahhhh why are you torturing yourself!? It’s not about me judging your choices, I just couldn’t imagine struggling again when there are other options. What you wrote today puts things in a totally different light, knowing now that Ruby isn’t fussy and having a tough time like many of us perceived to be the case from the initial post. While there were a couple comments that could have been worded more delicately, I guess what I’m trying to say is I don’t feel like some of the commenters were trying to be mean and nasty. I think you just have a readership who has grown to genuinely like you and just truly were frustrated both by you and for you. Good luck to you!!

Liz January 5, 2013 at 3:49 pm

Well, I’m glad I’m one of the first to comment since I guess I started this mess. I will start by apologizing for coming off the way I did (rude). As one mom to another, it really pissed me off to think that your child was in pain/discomfort over something you could technically control, and I went off on a tangent, so again, I’m sorry. And thanks for clarifying how she’s actually doing. Your drama attracts more drama, I guess. But I will say this. I was not trying to be negative. I was trying to knock some sense into someone who I viewed as becoming too extreme about breastfeeding. You said you wouldn’t talk to a struggling friend like that, but I would when I think a child is hurting. Truce?

Liz January 5, 2013 at 3:50 pm

Well, geeze, I guess I wasn’t first! Haha

Megan January 5, 2013 at 4:04 pm

I just want to say that you are a mom after my own heart. I love your blog and totally identify with you. Your experiences may give me hope that I could handle two kids (one day…far in the future…when number one is in college or whatever). The holier-than-thou moms drive me nuts. Keep on keepin’ on.

Sheryl January 5, 2013 at 4:05 pm

I love the parallel you drew with switching to different kinds of formula, not switching feeding methods altogether. Makes sense. Continue on doing what you’re doing for the best of you and yours.

Carson January 5, 2013 at 4:09 pm

I am 60 years old with a 36 and a 30 year old. I nursed both and loved it BUT it was not w/o challenges! Every time I nursed the 36 yr the first 3 mos I had to put a plastic pad under him to catch the poop! Seriously – he grew like a weed – he was a chunky monkey but just start sucking and here it went! Talk about a look of total satisfaction – that was his face- eating and pooping both as fast as he could! Then it tappered off and was not so bad everytime. But I can tell u nursing him while around other people other than my immediate family was not really an option! We both lived thru it – and he just loves it when I tell these stories and I sure have them! My daughter was the exact opposite and until she was 3 mos old and I put her on 2% milk she would not poop. SO do what’s best for the Baby and the Mommy!

Jen January 5, 2013 at 4:16 pm

I get your personality. I am also a mother that will imagine the worst before the better. It can come accross as extreme sometimes when you are expressing your emotions. I know you will always make the right decisions for your kids.
Thank you for your honesty and drama. I love reading your blog. Keep it up Modg!

Lindsay January 5, 2013 at 4:18 pm

You’re doing your best and you’re doing AWESOME. I’m sorry some people were negative a-holes :( If only we could all be as perfect as they are right? :P

leslie January 5, 2013 at 4:27 pm

I am so sad about the turn those comments took. You’re a good mom! You’re doing great! Keep it up, think what a breeze the toddler years will be. ;)

KJU January 5, 2013 at 4:28 pm

From one mom to another, I respect your choices and wish you and Ruby all the best.

As a reader of your blog, I’m disappointed to see you pounce on certain readers who don’t agree with your choices. True, we could all be a lot nicer in how we express our opinions, and some commenters should think before they type. But the vast majority of your readers praise the shit out of you, no matter what you do. When one or two express a critical opinion, I think you should give them the benefit of the doubt, listen to what they have to say, or just shrug it off and focus on the comments that make you happy.

Malea January 5, 2013 at 4:34 pm

I absolutely agree with you. There are VERY FEW reasons that it is ever recommended to cease breastfeeding. You can breastfeed through many illnesses too, and in fact, they recommend it. My daughter was comforted through breastfeeding, and now my 3 month old son is also. When I started weaning my daughter at around 14 months, that was one of the things I worried about, was taking away something that calmed her down when she was sick, hurt or scared. There are of course other ways to comfort your child, but there is something special about breastfeeding that instantly makes them feel at ease. I am so grateful, that I was, and am able to breastfeed. Don’t listen to the negative people.

Molly January 5, 2013 at 4:34 pm

I’m a long time reader, first time commenter just wanting to let you know that you have support and good vibes from one mom to another. I have a 4 year old, 2 year old and 1 month old, so like you I too am in the thick of it. Hang in there; you are a wonderfully dedicated mother.

Tanya January 5, 2013 at 4:36 pm

Seriously!
It’s truly a sad day when a woman is criticized for stating she wants to breast feed her baby. No matter what the reason!

Katy January 5, 2013 at 4:42 pm

I totally get you and I’m sorry people are thinking formula is such a simple fix. I was so sad to have an emergency c section with my daughter, that when it came time to feed her, I was hell bent and determined to exclusively breast feed. I felt like it was my way of “making up” for the c section. Nothing against c sections, my child’s health and safety is number one. But lets be honest, we all want our bodies to do what they’re designed to do right? Anyway. So I breasted my daughter and 3 weeks into it you would think she was possessed. We were waiting for her head to spin around at any given moment. She was MISERABLE and hated the world and everyone in it. So I cut out dairy and sure enough, that was the problem. (Thankfully it was only dairy.) Now with my second baby, he is super happy and doesnt have a dairy intolerance but he had about a week where he was just as miserable as my daughter had been. It turns out he had a double ear infection, but for a few days my husband and I were thinking it was probably the same dairy issue. My husband said hurtful things like, “just switch him to formula. It’s THAT easy.” At that statement, smoke flared out my nostrils. It is NOT that easy. It was like he was saying “just give up.” But why give up if I haven’t tried every possible thing to RESOLVE the issue? Having said that, why do breast feeding moms even have to say “nothing against formula?” Why is it so wrong to have something against formula?obviously I’m going to use it if that’s the only healthy way I can feed my child, but just like anything else in life, it’s a preference issue. I will only use formula if I have exhausted every possible problem with my breast milk because no one can deny that it’s best for baby. And if someone has a problem with it that’s too bad.

Malea January 5, 2013 at 4:43 pm

I will also say, I gave up dairy for a while when my daughter was first born, because she seemed to have tummy problems. I changed my diet, I tried a few different types of formula to see if it helped, etc. She ended up growing out of it, so I’m not sure if giving up dairy helped, but we will do anything to make our kids feel better. It sounds like you’re changing your diet to benefit Ruby, so I’m not sure why anyone would think you were selfish.

Jen January 5, 2013 at 4:44 pm

Damn freakin’ right, MODG.

Courtney January 5, 2013 at 4:47 pm

Poop is poop. That’s my new favorite mantra.

I am not a mother, so I do not understand all of this breastfeeding stuff, but I do see a woman (you) who truly wants to what’s best for her children.

Power on, MODG…you’re doing great.

Melanie January 5, 2013 at 4:55 pm

Where did you read about the leaky gut thing? It sounds interesting and I would like to learn more.

HeAther January 5, 2013 at 5:01 pm

Amen Sista’!

harbormom January 5, 2013 at 5:28 pm

You are so brave. To put yourself ‘out there’ so honestly and candidly. I have a blog. But it’s never been seen or read by anyone but me (a/k/a Gutless Wonder). I love your pragmatic view of your life, the definitive word there being ‘your.’ You keep on living it, girl. You’re doing just fine.

netty January 5, 2013 at 5:41 pm

rock on! it’s sad that people would think you’re not trying to do what’s best for your kids! they don’t have to agree with you regarding what you think is best…but one would hope they’d realize you put your kids first!

Tee January 5, 2013 at 5:47 pm

Dude, MODG. People sure can be assholes, can’t they? Hang in there, girl. Re: the formula (and I know that’s not the way you want to go, but just so other folks know), it can and probably will be covered by health insurance if the pedi says the baby needs it. I exclusively breastfed my kiddo for six months having gone off dairy, soy, eggs, and nuts, but after that time I needed to supplement because my supply wasn’t keeping up with his demand. Our insurance covered the crazy expensive Neocate. We would NEVER have been able to pay for that shit out of pocket.

Norma January 5, 2013 at 5:50 pm

Long time reader, rare commenter. It sucks to have negativity seep into something so personal. But, know that MOST of us are rooting for you and love you for exactly who you are…especially the drama part ;) Hang in there!

Jeannette January 5, 2013 at 5:57 pm

You are a wonderful mother. Hang in there.

MamaBanana January 5, 2013 at 6:18 pm

Rock on, MODG. I hope everything gets sorted out and Ruby’s poop stops being a cause for concern.

As for the negative commenters, don’t let them get you down. You know what you’re doing and what is best for your little squish. I epically failed at BFing and got so much crap for formula feeding that I lost friends over it. It doesn’t matter what you do, someone will try to say you suck for it.

MLM January 5, 2013 at 6:20 pm

Your amazing.

Katie E. January 5, 2013 at 6:22 pm

Baby is alive = doing the right thing. Keep on going. Ignore the imaginary internetland people who 9 times out of 10 would not dare say the same thing face to face. Enjoy your kids.

Julie January 5, 2013 at 6:29 pm

You’ll never have to look back and wonder if you could have done more. You should feel extremely proud of all you’re willing to do for your children. This isn’t forever, it’s a short term sacrifice you’re making so Ruby can have the very best. That is completely admirable. Great job Mama!

nevena January 5, 2013 at 6:52 pm

I’m a huge Georgia football fan. They started off this season really well. Until the game against South Carolina. And then they sucked it up pretty hard. I drank cosmos through the whole thing and went to bed feeling tipsy and a little disappointed. The next day I read an article which discussed how some “fans” who happened to know where the Georgia QB lived went and egged his house. Nice. Classy. My thoughts at the time were, “What if Georgia wins out the rest of the season? What are those fans gonna do? Send him an Edible Arrangement in apology?” Turns out, Georgia did win out and we went to the SEC championship (and tragically lost to Alabama). The funny thing is, that loss to SC ended not amounting to a hill of beans – we would have ended up where we did either way.

My point is this – some people are fans. And some people are fans as long as you’re on top and performing the way they want you to. Some fans love you no matter what. And some fans only stand behind you if you’re winning. I would say Ruby is in the former category – she thinks you’re awesome. The sight of your boobs leave her feeling giddy and ecstatic.

It’s easy to toss an egg at somebody, and the folks who did it probably ended up feeling super bad after they found out that one of the reasons our QB had such a bad game is because he found out his dad was diagnosed with cancer. Even if someone is in the spotlight, there’s no way we can know everything that’s going on in their lives. I don’t know you, but from what I’ve read of your writing I’m fairly confident that you are a great mother and will do everything in your power to do what’s best for your precious little family. And those who don’t trust in that after reading your blog can go suck an egg. : )

Hollie January 5, 2013 at 6:54 pm

I. Understand. My first had an intolerance that we were never able to diagnose. Bloody stool after 14 weeks of STRICT elimination (dairy, soy, wheat, nuts, eggs, fish, chicken, beef, acidic foods… everything). I was told by the peds GI to stop and use Elecare and watching my 6 month old scream and reach for me as my husband fed her droppers-fuls of formula was the worst day of my life. If I had not been so panicked at the time, I would have pumped for 2 weeks while she did Elecare to let her gut heal and them tried nursing again. Good luck!!!

Emily January 5, 2013 at 6:59 pm

You are AWESOME. Seriously.
I’m sorry that you had to read all the BS that some people came and posted. People are such assholes, and you have responded far better than I would have. Me, I’d still be standing there screaming FUCK YOU at the screen so kudos to you for that as well as being an awesome Mama.
Glad to see that you’re seeing an improvement already. Keep on keeping on – and hopefully things will just keep getting better.

Morgan January 5, 2013 at 7:00 pm

This recent article on CNN could explain why you are having so much trouble getting to the bottom of this issue! (Coincidence? I think not.)
http://www.cnn.com/2013/01/03/health/medical-breastfeeding/index.html?hpt=hp_bn12

Keep up the great mommy/wife/crazy person work and post when you can :)

Amanda K. January 5, 2013 at 7:06 pm

the paragraph that starts with, “That brings me to Ruby’s state…” makes me sad because you shouldn’t have to write that paragraph. you shouldn’t have to defend yourself to strangers who don’t (really) know you and don’t have any skin in this game.
why do strangers think they know what’s best for you and your baby.
this is especially true because of the paragraph that follows it, where you say your doctor and breast feeding group affirm that ruby is healthy.

dude. all those “i hate drama” people need to take their own advice and chill a little, amen?

NM January 5, 2013 at 7:22 pm

I have been following your blog for the past year and I love it. I love the drama and the “drama”, I love that I don’t always agree and I love that you’re always honest. Being 6 months pregnant myself I am learning that even though the baby’s not here yet EVERYONE thinks they should have a say in, I don’t know, everything ever. I thought babies were cute things that everyone loved to hold and squish. I have since been educated that babies, you, your body and your decisions are open to all critique and opinion, negative or otherwise, and you’re supposed to just take it. BLAH. My new response? If you don’t like (fill in the blank), go get married/get pregnant/raise a child yourself and be perfect on your own time and stop talking to me/looking at me/breathing. <3 You're awesome, your family is awesome. Keep on with what you do!

Kat January 5, 2013 at 7:23 pm

Hi girly! I love your blog but my daughter is almost one and so i have time to read blogs pretty much never. So…. I don’t know the whole history of this post, but I wanted to tell you that my daughter (exclusively breast fed and I am now trying to wean, she will be 1 next week) spit up after EVERY feeding for about 6 months. every single one. we had burp cloths on every surface of every room and it was not nearly enough. there was a lot of freaking spit up. but she was gaining weight like crazy (and she was born almost a month early at 5 lbs) and never ever seemed upset when she spit up. it was just messy. the doctor said we could medicate her for “reflux” (apparently what was called “colic” 20-30 years ago) but WHY? it was just spit up. so i didn’t and i did a lot of laundry for 6 months (but when you have a baby, that is life anyway… lots of laundry). so my point is – go with your intuition on what is best for YOU and RUBY and who cares what anyone else thinks? keep writing and doing what you are doing because you are awesome! xoxo

Lauren January 5, 2013 at 7:26 pm

Can I be honest for a second? I love your blog. I love the choices you make. I’m such a hippie that I’ll probably raise my future kids out in the woods or something (seriously!). But I totally avoid reading most of your posts about breast feeding, and most especially the comments. It makes me sad and makes me wonder if I should even *try* to be a mother one day. With all the criticism? Never being able to do anything right? I don’t know.

You see, I feel the hatred from both sides. The comments from the last article were nasty. How dare you be selfish or deny your kid, or whatever they were accusing you of. And then you wrote this post about embracing everyone’s choices and the OTHER said came out of the woodwork and couched their judgement in snarky language (why is it OK for people to criticize the ONLY HEALTHY choice, one commenter said).

You know what? I was bottle fed because my mom simply didn’t want to breast feed. I’m healthy. I have a master’s degree, eat vegetables and am generally nice to people. Will I make the same choice when I have a kid? Probably not, but let’s not all pretend the world is going to end one way or another. I know a lot of people whose parents struggled to breast feed them (they’re all having babies themselves, now, so of course we’re all being regailed with *those* stories), who had colic, who probably had all kinds of allergies (but not a whole lot of people connected the two back then), etc. They’re happy, having kids of their own, went to college, etc. And I know some great kids whose parents breast fed them until 1 or 2 and I’m sure they’ll follow the same path.

My point? Yes, these are personal decisions, and they’re important. People do what’s best for their kids, what fits their lifestyles, what makes the most sense for them. Everyone else should back the hell off and myob. The types that jump in “for the good of the baby” make me not want to have kids, ever because I know that I will never get any peace. It’s ridiculous.

I’m sorry about that rant, I just can’t stand the hypocrisy. And please don’t think I’m attacking you MODG. I think I wouldn’t cut dairy AND gluten AND whatever else (someone else mentioned they cut out onions, garlic, and tomatoes? that’s EVERYTHING I EAT!) and I respect you SO MUCH for trying all the things you try. I also respect moms who, for whatever reason, don’t take that path. Babies are hard. I think so, and I don’t even have one!

erica @ expatria, baby January 5, 2013 at 7:33 pm

Hey MODG, don’t let the bastards get you down. I feel like I totally get what you’re saying about boob feeding. I mean, of course you want what’s best for your child (I can’t think of any mother who doesn’t); and the bonding is wonderful, beautiful; and sure you want a win for team hippie, I can totally get that, and that’s okay. There are so many things about parenting that are hard, so many times that it feels like you’re (I’m???) failing, and so if you set your sights on a goal, whatever it may be, and manage to reach it, it does feel like a win. And you need that. Really.
I breastfed my daughter for about 2.5 years (believe me I wanted to stop earlier. She’s a little dictator). I cut out all dairy, soy, and nuts for the first year (and that’s while living in Japan. Just TRY to cut out soy in Asia. I dare you.) And sure I did that for her, but I also did it for me, because I wanted the validation of having a win for team hippie (despite the fact that no one but myself was giving me said validation). Still. It felt good to succeed.
So anyway, whatever your reasons for wanting to go on with breastfeeding, they’re yours, and they’re okay. You’ve obviously thought this out, and are making the decision that’s best for you and your kid.
People can be jerks, and on behalf of humanity, I’m sorry.

Susan from GA January 5, 2013 at 7:41 pm

Again….sending hugs, prayers and crossed fingers from GA. I have 30 and 32 year old daughters. There were women when MY girls were babies who had too many “comments” for me. So sad that some women do this to each other. It serves no good for anyone.

Susan from GA

Katie @ mommy brain blog January 5, 2013 at 8:02 pm

Dude, haters gonna hate. I don’t always agree with everything you say or do. I do most of the time, but sometimes I’m like “what the WHAT??” It doesn’t matter, thought, because I ALWAYS appreciate your honesty and candid commentary and hilarious posts. That is all. I really hope everything works out and you can continue to bf Ruby!! Hang in there!

Debbie January 5, 2013 at 8:13 pm

I’m glad you said something. Because I was one of the ones considering breaking up with this blog. Not because I have anything to say about breastfeeding – my own attempt was an epic fail and I turned to formula after a shorter time than I had hoped, and I’ll get all up in the face of someone who says I should have done something different. Of course we moms want only what’s best for our babies! I certainly never doubted your intentions. But, I did have the impression you were making assumptions about serious issues with your own health and your child’s health without direction from medical professionals. I’ve read this blog for a while, so I only know my perception of what you post, and I have read about your dedication to hippie leanings and your reservations with traditional western medicine. Your last post struck a note with me personally because I work in the medical field, and I myself lived through the harrowing reality of reflux with my son. I was so sure his poops weren’t normal. I googled. I bought into what I thought the signs must be showing because I wanted to believe I could DO SOMETHING by myself to help him. I tried all kinds of self-directed treatments and food elimiations. Because I would have done ANYTHING to ease my son’s pain and oh! those choking episodes! But I learned the hard way that the doctors know what they are doing, that time heals, that the range for all things normal is HUGE, that all those self-medications weren’t the answer, and that similar symptoms from one child’s experience doesn’t necessarily mean it’s true for every child. Your post hit a personal note and brought me back to that chaotic feeling in myself because I saw it reflected in what I read.

S January 5, 2013 at 8:13 pm

I could be wrong, but I feel like this wasn’t posted to tear apart the people who posted those comments down. As I read those comments, I did cringe at them, but in a way I also felt sorry for them. I kind of got the vibe that some of them could be people who may have had issues with breast feeding in the past and to turn to formula. Maybe they are resentful of that. It was totally wrong to take their anger out on MODG, but I still felt a little sorry for them. I just felt like this post was a “hey, let’s stop judging each other” kind of post, not one to tear apart the rude commenters.
I have no kids yet, but I’m almost afraid to because I’m not sure I will be able to handle all the judgement all the time.

Rachael January 5, 2013 at 8:16 pm

Perfectly put. I love the formula comparison, spot on. Keep up the great mamaing and blogging.

Angelina Cooke January 5, 2013 at 8:20 pm

I spent most of my 36 years with digestive issues. Leaky gut was my naturopaths diagnosis. Since I’ve incorporated fermented foods into my diet, my whole world has changed! We need those beneficial microflora in our gut and most of us don’t get what the body needs to produce a happy, healthy gut. Please look into it if you haven’t already. I make my own fermented cabbage and other veggies, it’s super simple and I no longer have any of my issues. I spent most of my life looking like I was 5 months pregnant the bloating was so bad.

Jessie January 5, 2013 at 9:09 pm

You are a rock star.

Heidi January 5, 2013 at 9:22 pm

If I learned anything from these last 18 months being a mom it’s that moms need to support each other, not judge each other for different choices. Whether it’s breast/formula feeding, cloth/disposable diapers, fulltime/parttime work or staying at home…we moms need to be a network of support, not judgment. I hope things continue to get better for you, MODG! Thanks for sharing!

Kelsey January 5, 2013 at 9:45 pm

Sending you love and good hippie vibes! I’m sorry you had to bear the negativity of Internet trolls during an already very rough time, but thanks for turning it into a positive by reminding us to stop judging each other. We are all doing the damned best we can for our babes, our families, and ourselves.

And I’d like to leave you with this gift of laughter…it’s my go-to when I need a healing laugh. http://www.pregnantchicken.com/pregnant-chicken-blog/2011/3/15/cake-wrecks-baby-shower-edition.html

Shine on, super star!

Lauren @ T&G January 5, 2013 at 9:53 pm

My favorite comment yesterday was the one about why can’t you afford formula if you shop at jcrew? Anyone who doesn’t understand how that works would probably hate me.

Rachel {at} It's a Hero January 5, 2013 at 9:59 pm

AMEN! :) You are entitled to feel exactly the way you feel!
Similarly, when I gave up nursing (after just a few days because baby boy was tongue tied and wouldn’t latch) and I started pumping exclusively and bottle feeding, people on twitter gave me hell. They started off by meaning well with all of the “don’t give up!” tweets. But it ended up being more destructive than anything else.
Essentially, I was able to overlook the missing out of nursing my baby and the bonding. Why? Because I was still giving my baby the best food he could get — my milk. Just through a bottle instead of my boob. But the hell that raised with some people. Oy.
But I was totally OK with it. Anything to keep my baby healthy and keep him off formula.
So I guess what I’m saying is, people should keep their damn opinions to themselves. You do what’s best for you. Everyone else can shut the fuck up. xo

kali January 5, 2013 at 10:17 pm

I had a similar problem with my baby. He’s EBF, but had some poop issues in the beginning. Anyway, I went to a pediatrician, and she said everything was normal–just kind of wait it out. My my neurotic ass couldn’t do that. I went to a hippie doc (naturopath), and he gave us some good hippie shit: gastrix. You can dissolve a little in expressed milk and give it to the baby with a spoon or syringe. Anyway, good luck!! Don’t let the bitches get you down.

Ryan January 5, 2013 at 10:31 pm

I think every parent decided what is important to them. For us, breast feeding was something we felt strongly about but didn’t take long term. We found that our son digested formula much easier than breast milk on top of that, so it was a win for us.

I did read the previous post and I momentarily wondered if Ruby wouldn’t be happier on formula if the breast milk is upsetting her stomach. But I quickly remembered that I know about 5% of the real deal. You, as her mom, know what’s best for her. And, even though you are hilarious and dramatic on the blog, you wouldn’t make a selfish decision that hurts Ruby or G.

So, everyone needs to chillax all up on it.

Sarah January 5, 2013 at 11:30 pm

I never comment but I wanted to say that I always follow your posts, hardly ever read the comments lol. However, I think we all need to support each other as women and moms and stop judging bc until you are IN their shoes you can’t.
Also,
I know you’re super restrictive on what you’re eating/drinking. I don’t know if you’ve said but are you drinking any coffee? When my son was a newborn coffee made him super gassy and super stinky poop. I didn’t realize it until I had the stomach flu and cut it out for a few days and noticed he wasn’t as gassy and stinky. The gas never bothered him and I only had one cup a day but if you are drinking even one cup maybe it could be part of it?

Liz January 5, 2013 at 11:54 pm

Oh FFS. I’ve been reading this blog since it was all about Martini’s. And I didn’t think anything about that previous post 1) was offensive to formula moms B) indicated Ruby was sick or iii) was more dramatic than anything else you write here. In fact I thought it was in perfect MODG style and I feel fortunate that you’re willing to share your triumphs and struggles with the internet strangers. I’m years away from having kids but I look forward to someday coming back to these posts and remembering that I’m not the only mother with a mini-me poop water canon. Keep on keepin’ on!

sydney January 6, 2013 at 12:01 am

Your situation sounds similar to mine. I had an oversupply so large that my baby only got foremilk (which contains a lot of lactose and causes gas) and he didn’t get any fatty hindmilk. This made his poop green and frothy. I had to nurse on one side only, two feedings in a row in order to reduce my supply enough for him. But he is four months and still only nurses one side at a time, but his poop is normal colored. Also I thought he was getting thrush so I started taking a bunch of probiotics and that made his green poop super watery. As soon as I stopped the probiotics it turned into a normal consistency. And he didn’t have thrush. I was just being paranoid and dramatic. So you aren’t the only dramatic one.

kristin January 6, 2013 at 12:44 am

I wanted to comment on your previous post and just say, OMG I AM SO SORRY YOU POOR POOR POOR THING. I am SO sorry you are having to go through all of this. SO so so so Sorry. No one knows how hard breastfeeding can be until it’s hard for THEM, and no one knows the angst of their body not working how you want it until it happens to THEM, and no one knows the turmoil of trying to figure out what’s best for your baby until the plan they had and wanted fails THEM.
Ignore the mean comments the best you can- your post only *seems* dramatic unless you’ve actually lived it and then THERE IS NO WAY in hell words could ever actually capture what a clusterf$#& having GAPS and trying to breastfeed is.
Stay strong the best you can, and know that if you heal your gut you are healing it for yourself too! Don’t just entirely think about it from the baby’s perspective, altho that can sometimes be a good motivator. Good happy vibes and hippie love and angel dust your way!

Ashlee January 6, 2013 at 12:49 am

Not to make you worry anymore, and not that this has any scientific base that I can speak of first hand, but perhaps Ruby’s problem isn’t you or your milk. Maybe it’s her body. I saw one of those Mystery Diagnosis shows about a little girl who had diarrhea from birth and the doctors told the mom for 4 years what your doctor pretty much said, poop is poop and some kids’ is different, but the mom just KNEW something wasn’t right and finally when she was four, I don’t remember all the details, but the doctors discovered that she was missing some sort of protein or enzyme or something that made her not digest food properly and meds fixed it. Not that that scenario would be any better solution, but you could be beating yourself up over something that isn’t the case this time around.

Danielle D. January 6, 2013 at 1:14 am

Hey MODG, I’ve been reading you for literally years now and I can’t believe you even had to write this post, people truly can be such assholes. You are an amazing mom and an amazing person in general, don’t let the negative people get you down. Life is way to short to spend your time trying to get your point across to people who clearly can’t even read. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to explain yourself every time you write about what your life is like. It’s your life and you are allowing us to catch a glimpse. If someone has a problem with that, then they clearly need to take a hard look in the mirror and realize that the energy they are spending being cruel to you could be better spent improving their own lives, and I can guarantee they need improvement. Anyhoo, I just wanted to make sure you keep your head held high and don’t ever “tone it down”. You’re great just as you are.

alex January 6, 2013 at 3:03 am

I don’t have kids but I do have severe stomach issues. I hate that I was a little offended by your disdain for the paleo lifestyle but I get it. I didn’t ask for stomach issues and you didn’t ask for these things either. I found that it’s really not a bad situation and it’s even better if you have your friends roll with it too. I say this as someone who loves gummies and carbs, two foods that make me especially sick, unfortunately. If you really want to make it through, you have to stop thinking about this as a negative thing and go with it. These aren’t short term changes, these are things that you need to incorporate into your life, especially if you want to have better health for your babies. I didn’t like any of these changes at first but then I realized it was a million times better than taking meds at every meal and I was pretty much care free after that. My two cents.

Anon January 6, 2013 at 3:05 am

Coming from a person who doesnt even have kids I think you are SO on the money. The real issue isn’t “breastfeed vs. formula” (and seriously I cant believe people get so worked up over that), but you hit the nail on the head with the real issue being that people feel the need at all times to be judgy and hateful. We can’t live our life in extremes. Extreme- only breastfeed or Extreme-only nurse! Extreme- I don’t shop at JC Penny because they support Ellen but I buy Covergirl make-up (A little off topic on this site but relevant to conversation I had recently). There are all types of situations in life and we need to be mindful of one another and respect one another’s decisions in whatever that situation may be because we are all entitled to our own choices. Across the board of ALL issues. And we are all entitled to disagree. But why must people hate on each other. I think the group One Million Mom’s is ridiculous and crazy, but I respect that that mom truly believes she is doing what is right for her family. I just may whole heartedly disagree, but I dont feel the need to yell at her or belittle her. I would have an honest conversation and understand her motives and share my opinion in an adult rational discussion. Don’t people still have those?

Rachel January 6, 2013 at 9:33 am

I really don’t understand how people can look at the sacrifices you are making in order to feed your daughter the best nutrition and give her an amazing means of bonding and think you are selfish. I have nothing but the highest respect for you. So glad to hear that you’re seeing improvements! Keep on keepin’ on Modg, you’re a very dedicated and selfless Mama!

Kelleyellen January 6, 2013 at 12:23 pm

I’ve been reading your blog for about a year now, G is about 6mos older than my daughter. And I was sooooooo happy to find your blog to makeme feel normal about breast feeding, balancing my regular life with becoming a mom, and many many things. Seriously, f the folks that don’t get it. Keep on keepin on MODG. Please.

Claire January 6, 2013 at 12:32 pm

MODG, you don’t need to defend yourself. You are a drama mama and we love you because of that. Many ppl don’t realize that breastfeeding is not only a food choice, it is a LIFESTYLE choice. It is, like you said, SOOO much more than just food. Continue on with whatever you are doing. My best wishes for you & Ruby!

Audrey January 6, 2013 at 1:00 pm

First of all, I hate that you even had to write this post. Second, you are amazing. Thank you for being so brave as to share the REAL battles you’re facing with all of us strangers. You are helping so many confused and struggling moms out there. We should fight for what we believe is best for our kids and we should do it with a side of laughter. You do that so well and I am a better mom for a lot of the things I read on your blog. So, don’t let the haters hate. For every one hater there are 100 of us lovers rooting for you and your family. xo

Katie January 6, 2013 at 3:02 pm

I breastfed my toddler for 11 mos and am currently breast feeding my 9 month old. I think I have experienced every challenge, save for bloody nipples and mastitis. I had to do elim diet with my youngest, Reynaud’s phenomenon, 2 refluxy babies, and countless other issues. If I had a dollar for every time (even well-meaning people) encouraged me to quit and switch to formula…

My número uno reason for breastfeeding is convenience. No bottles, no formula, no water, no pump, nothing. Just baby and mama. A close second is the bonding. The “health benefits” are a distant third.

You are doing the right thing. Breast feeding is important to you, so as long as you can keep it up, do everything you can to succeed. She will get better. Her intestines will eventually improve and this will be a distant memory. Keep up the hard stuff now so you can enjoy and cherish it later.

Margo January 6, 2013 at 4:16 pm

I think maybe if people could just picture that they were saying these things in a crowded room, or face to face with you – then they would think twice before they typed out every negative and mean thought that came to their minds.

It’s sad that some people think it’s okay to spew negativity and hatred on the Internet, because there’s no accountability for it. Especially on mommy forums and blogs such as yours, where you share your life – and do so much to help and encourage other mommies out there.

You’re doing great mama, and keep writing and sharing. Love your stuff! Best wishes :-)

Kami January 6, 2013 at 5:03 pm

Have you contacted your local lactation consultant or these folks: http://www.lllusa.org/ ?
Where I live (small town BC, Canada) there is SO much breastfeeding support and resources available so maybe you can find something like that in your area. Breastfeeding isn’t a breeze for everyone and it makes me sad it isn’t going as smooth as it could for you and that some of the comments are from women who are actually dreading giving birth for fear of breastfeeding. With support and knowledgeable advice (lactation consultants know WAY more than doctors do about this and more than most midwives too) you could be on the road to blissfully, conveniently and naturally feeding your babe. Having said that, a mother who chooses not to breastfeed should not be looked down upon as until you have walked a mile in someone else’s shoes…and anyhow that’s not being part of the sisterhood! Good luck!!

Angela January 6, 2013 at 8:24 pm

MODG – I, too, am taking the pressure off myself this time around with baby #2 (my first is a two year old and my second was born in November). I killed myself to breast feed and pump when I went back to work. Not being able to keep up with supply was a big deal for me and lead to some PPD. I know that with this baby I can’t put that pressure on myself because it affected the kind of mom I was…. and as you said in a previous post, we need to be the best moms we can be. So, whatever that means for each of us will be different, but the goal is still the same. You are doing the right thing.

eve January 6, 2013 at 8:25 pm

BF is hard and it’s awesome to hear success stories and moms supporting each other. It is SO frustrating when it turns to a critique on how you should be sensitive to every other scenario that might exist. I think you’re already being pretty challenged here and you are telling YOUR story, so people need to just read and enjoy or click on some other blog. I actually thought you were pretty PC (ugh) in the last post. I think you are doing an awesome job, especially facing so many complications. BF is always hard, but you have a rawer deal than most and you deserve support for trying to battle through. I’m super impressed with your determination and hope I’d have the same fortitude in your shoes. Please continue to tell your story, your way. That’s why I’m reading!

Also, all these BF horror stories are terrifying!! Women really are freaking tough.

Sara January 6, 2013 at 8:45 pm

Eh. This is a tough one, and people don’t seem to have much respect for the post-partum hormones.

My baby was born at 35 weeks, spent 8 days in the NICU, and went home taking mostly bottles of pumped milk. I was determined to nurse, mainly for the bonding. I’m a physician, so of course I was into all of the health benefits too. Still, the connection to my son was what I was really hoping breastfeeding would give me. This is especially because we didn’t get those first few precious hours together since he needed to be on high flow oxygen in the NICU due to having respiratory distress. I had some of the same feelings you had when G was a tiny babe. Anyway, I was a first time mom, and Aidan was a preemie. We struggled. We used a nipple shield. We tried without. I pumped to get milk flowing then latched him really fast. I stimulated him a bunch to keep him awake. For weeks it was just not working, and I would watch my husband give him a bottle and he’d knock it back like nothing. I. Cried. Every. Single. Day. A well-meaning friend (this is what I choose to believe anyway) asked me if I was really doing all of this hard work for Aidan or if it was really for me. So, I cried some more until I had some clarity. Duh, of course it was for Aidan and of course it was for me. We’re a nursing pair. I knew it was the best thing for him nutritionally. I knew it would be the best thing for me emotionally. He benefitted from the closeness of nursing and grew like a weed. You would never even know he was a preemie. I would have stopped and given pumped milk or formula if it became clear that was the best thing for him, though. This is, of course, after trying everything I could to protect our nursing relationship. I know you would too. I know everyone’s experience with motherhood is different, but there was something programmed in me to give my baby my milk. It is an important part of being Aidan’s mom. I guess I don’t have any helpful advice, except to say that there are challenges, and they will be overcome. You did it before with G. You will do it again for Ruby. Then you have to tell us how you did it so that other nursing pairs can find their way.

eve January 6, 2013 at 9:07 pm

i love this!

Kate January 6, 2013 at 9:43 pm

you do what you gotta. women, and in particular mothers, are too hard on each other.

The OCPDiva January 7, 2013 at 5:51 am

I took a childless married couple to court over their ignorant comments about breast feeding mothers on Facebook. Read this to find out the verdict:

http://theocpdiva.com/all-rise/

Kelly January 7, 2013 at 9:19 am

I got rid of my prenatal vitamins and made no other changes to my diet. it helped my kids that had similar issues that you are describing.

ella January 7, 2013 at 9:53 am

Great post! I’m glad you laid it out so clearly. OF COURSE you are doing what is best for your daughter! I’m glad to hear that you’ve seen improvements from going Paleo already. I hope the digestive enzymes work as well.

I know just what you mean about breastfeeding– I love it, I love that it is such a comfort to my son, I love the bond and the closeness. Sure, it’s tough now that I’m back to work and pumping, but nothing beats the fact that I can soothe him when he feels bad, that I can nourish him when he’s sick and not wanting to eat, that I can give him something he loves so much.

I’m “extended breastfeeding” ( ridiculous term, given averages around the world– but that’s the US for)– I plan to continue until my baby boy is 2. I’ve gotten a lot of looks for saying (much less doing) so– people are so uncomfortable with breastfeeding, particularly when your child is not a new born.

In summary, breastfeeding can be wonderful, you know what is best for your daughter, and you go girl!

Kristi L January 11, 2013 at 3:21 pm

I, too, have received the judgy side-eye while still BF my daughter. She was 15 months when she stopped (her choice). I would have done it longer if she wanted to. I loved the bonding – it was the only time she would be still and cuddle (she is an “on the move” kid for sure!). I enjoyed it and miss those little moments in the day. Good for you to continue – just ignore the looks. Everyone will always have an opinion whether it’s with BF, or bottle feeding or what colour shoes they wear.

Zulay Lopez-Fernandez January 7, 2013 at 10:11 am

I don’t understand as mothers why we don’t just respect eachothers decisions. Its just sad that we are still having this same argument. You do what is best for you and your child Forget what ever else says!

Outblush January 7, 2013 at 10:32 am

Outblush is with you, MODG. I know some of my writers are moms and also your readers, and we luvs ya. Glad to say that none of my gals are the nasty commenters from the last post; I woulda fired them if I had seen that. (not really, I mean, is that LEGAL? But they would have lost some serious points.)

LeeM January 7, 2013 at 10:49 am

I was judged for not breastfeeding even though I physically couldn’t, and you are judged for doing it even though it is challenging. I just don’t understand all the anger people feel on this issue – it is SO HARD either way, we should all be supporting one another! feeling like my body failed me was awful, and I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope it gets better soon, hang in there!

Kiran @Masala Chica January 7, 2013 at 10:53 am

Do what works for you. In the end, a happy, sane and healthy mother is the best thing for your daughter. As for criticism on “doing what’s best?” Fuck that. Do what you can.

mommylisa January 7, 2013 at 12:03 pm

Did I tell you Ruby was my choice for baby name that T-bone vetoed? Sigh – hate the haters. Or is it hug the haters?

KamiKaze January 7, 2013 at 1:28 pm

Modg,

I’m sorry that this has happened again. Everyone has their opinion and they think theirs is always the right one. But the fact of the matter is–it is what works the best for you and your baby. Haters are going to hate.

Good luck with Paleo! I’ve been considering doing it myself. Mainly cause my sugar consumption has gone out of control and with too many family members with diabetes–I would be considered a super high risk pregnancy whenever I do have a kid. Also, there’s potential fertility issues that I may have inherited from my mom too.

Fight the good fight, Modg. You can do it!

Eve's Mama January 10, 2013 at 1:27 pm

Amanda – I’ve been reading your blog way before you had G. I’ve always appreciated your dramatic flare because really don’t we all have those over dramatic thoughts? I’ve always felt a good connection to your blog/life because I too became a new mom a couple years ago. I’ve never felt the need to comment but with my own experiences with breastfeeding I thought this would be a good time to pop my commenting cherry :)
I struggle with people’s thoughts with regards to breatfeeding vs. bottle feeding… Breastfeeding should come naturally and for most it does. For the people who struggle, it does require a lot of committment and dedication to stick with it. I try not to judge those that don’t continue when a bump occurs since you don’t know their situation.
I had my own set up bumps when my daughter was born but I was committed to breastfeeding and I did. Like your friend said, not only is breastfeeding nutritional for the baby but the bond that you develop while doing it is completely amazing.
Best of luck. I’ve so proud of you for tying to make this work. You already know the rewards that come with continued breastfeeding.

Emily January 10, 2013 at 8:42 pm

As someone who has struggled and is struggling with breastfeeding I completely agree with you, why can’t we just support each other in our decisions. I had many leaky gut symptoms before I got pregnant and Robb wolfs book completely saved me. As soon as I went paleo all my digestive and skin issues vanished! Then I got pregnant and morning sickness hit me like a Mac truck and I ate whatever would stay down aka jolly ranchers! Thanks to pregnancy hormones I could anything gluteny, cheesy and delicious while pregnant, with no problems. In April I had my beautiful baby boy. He was tongue tied and struggled to gain weight, while my engored boobs and bloody nips killed me. We went through two lactaion consultants, had his tongue clipped and I started suck training with him. Still he wouldn’t use his tongue. Nursing broke my heart, I wanted to give that to him so bad! I took him to a great chiropractor that specializes in babies which helped, but is expensive so we do what we can. (Dr. Justin Ohm in Media and he has hours in Philly) also I had cranial sacral work done its a little wu wu magic, but I do feel it has helped.( I can get you her info if your interested just email me). We are almost at nine months and my little one still bites and chews at times and now he has teeth! I just take it one day at a time. I recently have tried several times to go back to a paleo life style and every time notice a big dip in milk supply and I think it may change the taste of my milk, which little man does not like. There is a great website againstallgrain.com she is amazing. Just about all of her recipes are paleo. I’m sending healing energy and positive thoughts to you and Ruby. I hope my rambling can help you or a fellow struggling breast feeder. Ps thanks for keepin it real.

Haley January 11, 2013 at 1:06 am

I’m going through the same type of thing. My baby has awful smelling dog farts and until I cut dairy two days ago she wasn’t pooping very often at all and suddenly there are no “seeds”. This all started about a week ago for us and shes 8 weeks. I don’t really have breastfeeding resources as we don’t qualify for wic based on past income. But we lack the financial resources for a lactation consultant. We have Kaiser HMO and our less haven’t been very knowledgeable.

Melissa January 11, 2013 at 3:16 pm

Word. All of it, especially on the bonding. I am still nursing my 16 month old because he likes it and asks for it and it’s sometimes the only time I get to spend connecting with my 2nd born because I’m trying to wrangle his older sister, too. I quit at 18 months with my daughter and I regret it. She has several allergies (dairy, soy, eggs), but we found that she liked oat milk so she was taking that most of the day and it was really just in the AM and PM, so I thought it would be okay. She wasn’t ready and I was because I was pregnant and just wanted my boobs back for a bit before they weren’t mine again. She really needed it emotionally and I was being selfish and stopped. I didn’t work outside the home, we lived abroad and had a maid, I had shit all to do, but nurse my kid…and I feel like I failed her. She would ask to nurse when my son was born and I let her try (because we all know what a great idea telling a 2 year old she can’t do something would be…) and she couldn’t even latch on anymore (6 months later.) It was the saddest thing and though I don’t think she’s scarred for life, it was such an important part of our bonding that even now, she will cuddle with me (at 3.5) and ask me to sing the song I sang when I nursed her while she pretends to nurse over my shirt. I so wish I had kept it up. I think it would have helped so much when my son was born to comfort her. It is more than just the nutrition and I feel so lucky that I was/am able to do this for my kids…and for myself. Keep on keepin’ on, mama. Do whatever feels right.

L January 11, 2013 at 9:04 pm

Major hearts to you! I think you’re absolutely fantastic and hilarious! Keep doing what you’re doing for yourself and your beautiful family.
Ps-Been following you over year and this is the 1st I’ve ever commented. Also, we have a mutual friend in common who led me to your blog!

JT January 11, 2013 at 10:38 pm

Hope you are doing ok. Good luck!

Laura January 11, 2013 at 11:13 pm

Well said mama! I’m a breastfeeder as well and honestly, it would take a lot to give my hopefully soon newborn son formula. (due on the 20th!).

I know a mother who is so into breastfeeding that even though her son was having insanely severe issues with her breastmilk (SUPER extended belly to where he now has wrinkly belly skin) she was still breastfeeding him once a day and giving him some amino acid (??) formula the rest of the time. She made a joke about the doctor giving her a hard time about still nursing him. All I could say to her was “that’d be me”. She had also taken her diet down to JUST chicken, turkey, rice, and potatoes!

Sara January 11, 2013 at 11:49 pm

I love how one person put it, you are a nursing pair. I have no doubt that she or you MODG, or any sane mother would put their emotional needs before their baby’s physical needs, that is an inane, and frankly rude thing to assume and then say outloud. I received so many dirty looks and so many lectures as to why the “breast is best”….It’s literally shocking to me that strangers feel the need to go up to other strangers and tell them how to care for their babies. Posters made me feel bad, hell, the back of the formula can that cost me $30 for my 2nd still threw it in my face that my breast was better than their formula. I GOT IT. I did come to the decision lightly either time, and I am an educated individual who loves her children more than life, but IT. DIDN’T. WORK. FOR. US. With my first I couldn’t because my milk NEVER came in, and with my second if the milk came in, which it didn’t (apparently my boobs didn’t get the memo of what they were made for) and so I didn’t try with the 2nd, primarily because even if I had milk, the milk would’ve been unsafe due to meds that I NEEDED to take to be a functioning mother to BOTH of my boys at that time in my life. I was lucky I was even able to have another child. And no, I don’t feel guilt that I took medication rather than attempting to breastfeed when it was 99% unlikely to happen just like with the 1st, and because it was necessary for me to be a functioning healthy mom who could give 100% of herself to her children and to be a good mother…and that was NOBODY’S BUSINESS. Yet strangers, family, and “friends”, TRIED to make it their business all the time, even with the 2nd. But guess what? Both of my boys and I, we too were still a nursing pair, I just held a bottle while I held my baby. I felt a love and a bond and a closeness that is indescribable when I nursed them, its still my favorite time of the day. Oh yeah, my 2nd son is 28 month’s old and still has a bottle 2 times a day. Which brings me the 2nd point of this constant battle between moms that I do NOT understand, how LONG you breast or bottle feed YOUR baby; people judge me for that too. The last person that judged me for that got an earful of the truth, and I assure you, she felt like an asshole after that. He needs to have the extra nutrition because he has a very rare form of interstitial lung disease called NEHI syndrome which causes his body use an immense amt of calories to breathe, and we spent weeks in the hospital far from home working to save his life and find a diagnosis, I went through emotional hell and surely so did he, although he is such a happy boy you’d never know it, getting to his diagnosis so I am especially sensitive to people who judge what I do with him. I still bottle feed him milk with a supplement in it twice a day he went from being in the -3 percentile in weight to the 55th percentile in weight. He is off oxygen, he is doing far better than any of us could have ever expected or hoped for, and we are incredibly blessed. And guess what, I went from thinking I was a terrible mom, because of various issues my older one had and just not knowing how to resolve them to knowing I am good mom, the best mom for those two boys because everything I do, every decision I make is for them. Is it always the right one? No. But we live and we learn. And I’ve learned to share with those who respect me and my decisions and we bounce ideas off of each other to be better moms. So do what you need to do, to make the two of you, the nursing pair, work best together and pay no attention to those who cannot possibly comprehend why you’ve made the decision you did to breast or bottle feed, and do so for as long as you choose to do it. There is no room for any one of us to judge another for how she cares for her children. As long as we are CARING for them, and they are healthy and happy, it is NO ONE’s business to judge you because they have no idea how you got to be in the situation they happen to glimpse you in, in that moment. Thank you for sharing your struggles and your life with us, and no that doesn’t make you a candidate for judgment either…that just makes you awesome…you’re doing your best just like most of us are, and those that judge and hate others for not doing exactly what they did, well all I can say is Karma is a bitch. I’ve found the truth shuts people up pretty quickly, or if I don’t feel like going on a rant and sharing my personal business that day I simply say “I’m doing what is right for me and MY child, please go back to tending to yours” ( who’s usually licking things or generally running amuck nearby while she is busy lecturing ME on how to raise MY kids. Go figure.)

Jay S. Price January 12, 2013 at 9:07 am

It’s not diet– it’s lifestyle. It’s making changes that you can live with… permanently. I found the best thing I did was reading “Food Rules: An Eater’s Manual” by Michael Pollan. It explained in the most basic laymen’s terms how to go about lifestyle changes for yourself– not to lose weight but for overall health (mostly through the elimination of over-processed “edible food-like substances”. The documentary “Forks Over Knives” was also a big eye-opener for me. Though rather extreme, it outlines how a North American diet is wreaking insane havoc on health and just how easily one can get chronic illnesses under control.My biggest change has been knowing how to substitute and cheat smartly. IE: Instead of a giant bowl of white pasta and tomato sauce, I’ll make a tomato sauce and (occasionally) a tiny amount of whole wheat pasta, but 3/4′s of my “pasta” is shredded zucchini or spaghetti squash. If I *really* want chocolate layer cake, say… I’ll make Ani Phyo’s raw vegan version with a cocoa/walnut/date cake, an avocado/date/chocolate frosting and fill the middle with fresh raspberries and top it with even more. Now, my calories are nutrient-dense (as opposed to devoid of) and the *biggest* surprise from doing this? I find it takes so much less to be satisfy cravings/cravings are less intense/cravings are less frequent.And bear in mind that I also make a point of biking to and from work in doable weather (which in Canada is April-November).

Molly January 12, 2013 at 4:21 pm

You’re doing a great job! Hang in there.

Melinda January 12, 2013 at 4:37 pm

Alright MODG, I never comment (except for the WANA post). And I have to be brief cause the little one is on my lap and is in the midst of the 4 month growth spurt from hell.

I haven’t had time to read ALL of your posts recently, but from what I’ve read it sounds VERY similar to what my little one was going through 2 months ago. Research hind milk and finishing the first breast first. My little guy felt it was ok to start rejecting my boob when my letdown slowed. Naturally I figured he was done with that side. I would burp him and give him the other side. Nuh uh. He was never getting any hind milk. Hind milk has a lot of fat which slows the milk down from racing into his intestines. Fore milk (what he was only drinking) has A LOT of lactose. Now, when a butt-load of lactose dumps into his intestines quickly (because there was no hind milk to slow it down), he can’t make enough lactase to digest all of the lactose. The result? Crazy nuts farting and explosive watery poop.
Now when he starts rejecting the first side, I burp him like usual, but fake him out and return him to the SAME side and make him nurse on that for awhile again. I also try and push all of the milk down by massaging down my breast tissue. After I have him do that for awhile, I’ll let him burp and if he’s still looking for more I’ll offer him the other side.
Hopefully, this isn’t something you’ve already addressed and I’m being dumb by writing this. But, I figured I’d point it out since my son had the same issues and this cured the problem 100%. Good luck to you – love you & don’t listen to the A-holes :)

Lauren January 13, 2013 at 6:26 am

Dude. People are hella crazy. You obviously know what is best for your baby, and it is apparent that you are an amazing, (effin wonderfully dramatic ;) mom. Haters will always hate, but seems more like jealousy that they maybe aren’t able to share that supreme closeness with their baby. Not your problem….

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