Good Mary Jesus Britney Beiber, am I tired. I forgot how hard this part is. And doing it with a toddler is like not possible. I take back what I said before, I think I AM in fact the first person to have 2 kids. Because if people went through this, they would TALK about it. A LOT. And no one told me how hard this would be. I’m looking at you.
G is acting out. Like 2 year old on meth acting out. And I know it’s for attention and I know this is all crazy to him. But dudes, there is no time out big enough for what is happening here right now. And I’m talking time out for me. G can run shit for all I care. I just want a time out.
So what do you do with a kid who is being a crazy person? Buy them a ton of toys. It’s America. Here’s my heavily researched Christmas list for the Toddler of 2012. Also, handcuffs.
G is about to move to his big boy room. We didn’t want to rush the transition with the new baby. But few things terrify me more than poltergeists living in my fridge and cockroaches. But the thought of G running free reign without a virtual crib jail around him during precious sleep hours, is one of them. This however is genius. It’s a little clock for kids that you set to the time that is “ok” for them to get up (i.e. 11am-ish). When it hits that time the clock turns a different color. They get balls excited and run around screaming about it. But it’s a good way to attempt to keep your sanity.
This gift will be coming from grandparents and thank jesus for it. I don’t know what it is about train tables but toddlers die for them. G could spend an hour at a Barnes and Noble stealing the trains from the other kids. He’s going to die when he has his own and I hope to god it gives me 20 minutes of non screaming/throwing time to just nurse the baby. I’ll take whatever I can get right now. We did some research and this table fits all those stupid Thomas trains that your kids shit themselves over. It also has a drawer to hold all the crap.
This brand of trucks is awesome. They really work and do stuff. They aren’t the cheapest but if you’re kid is obsessed with blue collar work like mine is, he’ll love this. When we see a “mixer” on the road, it’s like we’ve spotted the pope-mobile. I think one very cool truck is a necessity for any future construction worker.
Ok apparently the Leap Pad 2 is THE “it” toy for the toddler. If your kid picks his butt and rubs it all over your ipad too, this is for you. It’s a kid ipad that has apps and all that jazz. I don’t know if G will actually be getting this but it’s a great gift. Especially if you’re looking for that one special distraction gift to give them while you (again) try to nurse your new baby). I swear these kids know that when you’re nursing they can break windows and there is nothing you can do about it.
Do you know about Busy Books? I didn’t either. It’s for parents to teach their kids that books are a SNOOZE fest and you really need some cool shit to go along with your book to make it at all worth while. And do you know what? I don’t care. Because if it gives G something to do for a minute, I’m in. He has the Thomas one and it comes with mini trains and a mat for the trains to drive on. Every busy book has a little activity to go along with it. They really are very cute.
Party is over kid. You’re downgraded to the flo’. When we travel, G has slept in the pack n’ play. He’s way too big for that now and his sister needs it. So he will sleep on the floor like every other 2nd class kid in america. But we’ll make it seem cool with this man eating Melissa and Doug sleeping bag. That won’t give him nightmares or anything.
It’s mandatory in this family to sleep with a sound machine. We just all do. B snores and G wakes up when I scratch my head. So sound machines it is for all. Ruby needs one as soon as she peaces out of our room. (i.e. soon). This one is great. We’ve tried THEM ALL and sent THEM ALL back. This one is the best and loudest and awesomest.
Lots of you have asked about our monitor choice. We went with the Motorola. We’re happy with it. It does the job. It even plays creepy circus music in the room for the times you want to scare the shit out of your kid. You KNOW those times. But really, it’s simple to use, and it works. That’s really all I care about. I need a 2nd camera to spy on both kids at once.
And for when G finally does move into that big boy room, these are the bumpers that will go on his bed. And man can’t you see the excitement on Christmas morning when he opens these bad boys? But they are great because they fit UNDER the fitted sheet and aren’t super big and ugly like most guard rails. Cheap too. Love it.
Yeah, Santa bought this one already. I know, he’s an asshole. But G is one of those kids that needs to get energy out or he will stab his dolls in his sleep. I dread the frigid northeast winter where we can’t go outside. I hope that he can burn some toddler energy on this bad boy. Oh by the way, my house looks like a clown asylum. Truth.
G is obsessed with our phones and cameras. He wants to take pictures all the time. Mostly of himself. With the baby here and picture mania, we thought that he’d love his own toddler camera. This one actually has a memory card so I can save his pictures of his feet and the wall forever. It’s cheap too. He’ll probably throw it in the toilet anyway.
There you have it. The toddler hot list 2012. One thing that we think is important is teaching G and Ruby to help kids who aren’t as lucky as them. So we’ll be picking out toys of their own to put under the tree the night before Christmas that Santa can bring to other boys and girls who need them. This also gives me back 30% of my house. But mostly helping the kids and me…
And on that note, we WILL be doing Operation Wana. Hang tight….
And please share any good toddler gifts in the comments that I missed.
The toddler hot list was brought to you by Abby who runs the Etsy Shop Sunny With a Chance. You can see her ad above mentioning Tee shirt quilts and fixing your husband’s wardrobe (because this is my dream come true). She takes a bunch of your old t shirts and turns them into an awesome blanket. How cool is that?I would DIE to throw in B’s disgusting Blink182 shirts and his other mildly offensive collection of shirts to make a blanket. But here’s the best part, she is giving one away to our readers?? I WISH I could enter. But that’s against some sort of rule or something. Here’s what you have to do (and don’t think I won’t check) to win a throw size quilt with 10-20 shirts, you must go to her Etsy shop and favorite the shop or the item. Then you must leave a comment here about the post. Winner will be picked by next post. YOU’RE WELCOME.