I vomited for a solid 8 hours after surgery, which wasn’t really in the birth plan. But that night I was up and moving and felt ok…all things considered. You have like the worst period after a c-section of your life for weeks. I waddled to the bathroom with a nurse holding a dog pee mat under my blood maker and still made a murder mess. B was not present for this part as I’m sure he is grateful.
You can’t really stand up straight. Your abdomen is numb like forever. And if you’re lucky like me, you get a special extra burning scorpion pain in your incision when you walk. Listen, I don’t judge anyone who has a c-section by choice, but man, it seems like a sadistic choice to me. I can’t ever imagine voluntarily going through this type of pain and recovery. It’s pretty miserable. But to each his own. I’m sure a ripped open vag is no cupcake party either.
But all I wanted at this point was to see my G. I wanted him to come in and see his new sister who we talked about for months. G has a special doll that he calls his “ghosty” and we had a new “ghosty” for the baby. It was his job to give her the ghosty. And he couldn’t wait.
He shows up the next morning and RUNS into the room, scans it for the baby and THROWS the ghosty at her face. He looks very proud of himself. Watching him meet his sister was one of the best moments of my life. I knew he didn’t really know what a sister was but I also knew that this moment was one of those moments that you never forget.
And we still didn’t have a name for this little girl. B and I went back and forth and back and forth over 3 names. We couldn’t decide. My sister suggested that we have G pick the name out of a hat. I loved the idea of having G contribute to that decision. So we did it. And Ruby Lee it was. This was B’s favorite choice anyway. But if I have to hear him sing Ruby Soho around the house one more time, the bandana goes in the fire.
I KNOW you want to know the other names. Here’s the thing: If I tell you, you can’t be like “oh I really like that name better” or “you picked the best name, the others were bad”. No judgement.
The names were Ruby Lee, Lila James or Lincoln Grace. Moving on. Yes, Lincoln was the name we were torn on for months. And then a giant Oscar type blockbuster came out called LINCOLN and there was Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter (which if you ask me is a huge win FOR the name), and our midwife was like so I just delivered another Lincoln. So we’re happy with our choice. Although G keeps calling her Yincon.
There were times in the hospital that I was alone with the baby. B had to be home for G and those times were hard. I felt the depression creeping up on me. I fought it though. I tried so hard to fight it. But it felt like I was losing.
And it was finally time to go home. They let me leave a day early to be home for Thanksgiving. I was happy to be leaving, but scared to walk into my house and into my new life.
I remember walking in my house with G for the first time and not recognizing it. I remember thinking, where am I and what is this life? The reality was that everything changed so quickly that I couldn’t adjust. So I asked B this time around to make everything as normal as possible at home. Holding off on visitors, regular routines, watching Shark Tank on Friday nights and keeping a sense of normalcy. And those little things really made a difference.
And then G got sick. Very sick. And he’s still sick now with a fever, cough, the works. So we’ve had to keep them separate now for a week and it’s been awful. But I’m still here. Regular me, not PPD me. Even with my sick toddler. Even with my scorpion wound. I’m making it.
I’m breastfeeding round the clock. I’m changing a billion diapers. And it’s definitely overwhelming. But as I said before, having the knowledge of the experience I had the first time around makes this so much better and manageable. Everyone can tell you it gets better but when you’re in it for the first time, you think everyone is in a lying cult that has been formed just to trick you into believing things about babies. But now you know for yourself and it’s ok. Because it gets better.
Looking back, this all wasn’t the ideal scenario of course. But having my midwife and my doula and B there really made the experience as good as it could have been. Having that team who is there for you 100% makes all the difference. And I’m glad that I fought for a better c-section experience. I may have not gotten everything I wanted in that operating room, but maybe the next time a scared woman comes to that surgeon or hospital and asks to have the curtain lowered to see her baby being born, won’t be looked at like she’s a complete whack. So hopefully it’s a small step in the right direction for someone in the future.
We have quite the road in front of us. But I’m told that I’m not the first person to have 2 kids in this world. So I’ll probably figure it out. Or at least blog about it.
Thanks for going on this roller coaster with me. Every.Single.One of you have been supportive in your comments and well wishes for our family. And even though you’re all internet strangers, it really helped us through all of this. So we thank you.
I do need to mention a few people specifically
First our doula. If you live in the Philadelphia area, I HIGHLY recommend that you reach out to our doula, Leslie. Because she’s a real hippie, she doesn’t have a web page. But email me and I’ll put you in touch with her. modgblog at gmail dot com. If you can have her at your birth, you are the luckiest preg in the USA.
Our midwife. You’ve heard me talk about her left and right. She’s great and was my best chance at a VBAC that I may have not been able to even try for with another doctor. For those of you unsure about using a midwife, she is more medically based than hippie based for sure. I will be seeing her for the rest of my life. (poor Ronni). Woman Wise Midwifery
My pictures. They look professional don’t they? They aren’t. But I had an amazing photographer take our pictures and make them look awesome in editing. We were going to have her at the birth but the timing didn’t work out in the end. She’s awesome and a blog reader and just a cool person. And if you want someone taking pictures of your vag, you want her to be cool. Little Joys Photography
And life goes on. I’d love to hear your thoughts.