Ruby Lee’s birth. The conclusion.

I vomited for a solid 8 hours after surgery, which wasn’t really in the birth plan. But that night I was up and moving and felt ok…all things considered. You have like the worst period after a c-section of your life for weeks. I waddled to the bathroom with a nurse holding a dog pee mat under my blood maker and still made a murder mess. B was not present for this part as I’m sure he is grateful.

You can’t really stand up straight. Your abdomen is numb like forever. And if you’re lucky like me, you get a special extra burning scorpion pain in your incision when you walk. Listen, I don’t judge anyone who has a c-section by choice, but man, it seems like a sadistic choice to me. I can’t ever imagine voluntarily going through this type of pain and recovery. It’s pretty miserable. But to each his own. I’m sure a ripped open vag is no cupcake party either.

But all I wanted at this point was to see my G. I wanted him to come in and see his new sister who we talked about for months. G has a special doll that he calls his “ghosty” and we had a new “ghosty” for the baby. It was his job to give her the ghosty. And he couldn’t wait.

He shows up the next morning and RUNS into the room, scans it for the baby and THROWS the ghosty at her face. He looks very proud of himself. Watching him meet his sister was one of the best moments of my life. I knew he didn’t really know what a sister was but I also knew that this moment was one of those moments that you never forget.

 

And we still didn’t have a name for this little girl. B and I went back and forth and back and forth over 3 names. We couldn’t decide. My sister suggested that we have G pick the name out of a hat. I loved the idea of having G contribute to that decision. So we did it. And Ruby Lee it was. This was B’s favorite choice anyway. But if I have to hear him sing Ruby Soho around the house one more time, the bandana goes in the fire.

I KNOW you want to know the other names. Here’s the thing: If I tell you, you can’t be like “oh I really like that name better” or “you picked the best name, the others were bad”. No judgement.

The names were Ruby Lee, Lila James or Lincoln Grace. Moving on. Yes, Lincoln was the name we were torn on for months. And then a giant Oscar type blockbuster came out called LINCOLN and there was Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter (which if you ask me is a huge win FOR the name), and our midwife was like so I just delivered another Lincoln. So we’re happy with our choice. Although G keeps calling her Yincon.

There were times in the hospital that I was alone with the baby. B had to be home for G and those times were hard. I felt the depression creeping up on me. I fought it though. I tried so hard to fight it. But it felt like I was losing.

And it was finally time to go home. They let me leave a day early to be home for Thanksgiving. I was happy to be leaving, but scared to walk into my house and into my new life.

I remember walking in my house with G for the first time and not recognizing it. I remember thinking, where am I and what is this life? The reality was that everything changed so quickly that I couldn’t adjust. So I asked B this time around to make everything as normal as possible at home. Holding off on visitors, regular routines, watching Shark Tank on Friday nights and keeping a sense of normalcy. And those little things really made a difference.

And then G got sick. Very sick. And he’s still sick now with a fever, cough, the works. So we’ve had to keep them separate now for a week and it’s been awful. But I’m still here. Regular me, not PPD me. Even with my sick toddler. Even with my scorpion wound. I’m making it.

I’m breastfeeding round the clock. I’m changing a billion diapers. And it’s definitely overwhelming. But as I said before, having the knowledge of the experience I had the first time around makes this so much better and manageable. Everyone can tell you it gets better but when you’re in it for the first time, you think everyone is in a lying cult that has been formed just to trick you into believing things about babies. But now you know for yourself and it’s ok. Because it gets better.

_____

Looking back, this all wasn’t the ideal scenario of course. But having my midwife and my doula and B there really made the experience as good as it could have been. Having that team who is there for you 100% makes all the difference. And I’m glad that I fought for a better c-section experience. I may have not gotten everything I wanted in that operating room, but maybe the next time a scared woman comes to that surgeon or hospital and asks to have the curtain lowered to see her baby being born, won’t be looked at like she’s a complete whack.  So hopefully it’s a small step in the right direction for someone in the future.

We have quite the road in front of us. But I’m told that I’m not the first person to have 2 kids in this world. So I’ll probably figure it out. Or at least blog about it.

Thanks for going on this roller coaster with me. Every.Single.One of you have been supportive in your comments and well wishes for our family. And even though you’re all internet strangers, it really helped us through all of this. So we thank you.

I do need to mention a few people specifically

First our doula. If you live in the Philadelphia area, I HIGHLY recommend that you reach out to our doula, Leslie. Because she’s a real hippie, she doesn’t have a web page. But email me and I’ll put you in touch with her. modgblog at gmail dot com. If you can have her at your birth, you are the luckiest preg in the USA.

Our midwife. You’ve heard me talk about her left and right. She’s great and was my best chance at a VBAC that I may have not been able to even try for with another doctor. For those of you unsure about using a midwife, she is more medically based than hippie based for sure. I will be seeing her for the rest of my life. (poor Ronni). Woman Wise Midwifery

My pictures. They look professional don’t they? They aren’t. But I had an amazing photographer take our pictures and make them look awesome in editing. We were going to have her at the birth but the timing didn’t work out in the end. She’s awesome and a blog reader and just a cool person. And if you want someone taking pictures of your vag, you want her to be cool.  Little Joys Photography

 

And life goes on. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

xoxo

MODG

 

 

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

POSTED IN: babies,hippie stuff,MODG,Mom Stuff,Sharing

{ 150 comments }

Lydia November 30, 2012 at 10:54 am

Honestly? I liked all the names! I share a birthday with Abraham Lincoln so I’m slightly biased. Beautiful pictures and story. Congratulations on your family of four – it is an adjustment, but it’s going to be great. You are going to be fine.

kat November 30, 2012 at 10:57 am

wait what – I didn’t realize that AP did the photos! I LOOOOVE her – she’s the snizznit.
congrats on coming home in one piece (well, mostly). And yes, the ripped vg is horrible and the bleeding is pretty terrible and all that stuff. And although prior to getting pg I was all like, elective C section YEAH, as soon as I was pregnant I was like, wait who does that?! So yeah..no judgement deff but omg there just is not easy way to do this is there? So glad I’m pg with number 2 right now…

SoftCrunchyMom November 30, 2012 at 10:57 am

Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful story and little girl with us all. You let us all know that it’s perfectly normal not to be a stepford wife!

Tara Roddick November 30, 2012 at 10:57 am

What a beautiful story and a georgeous baby you have there! I have two children, for me the hardest part was seeing my son (my oldest) for the first time after having my daughter, they are almost 4 years apart. He looked so big to me. Also I had a plan for my birth for my second baby but it was after I had her. He would come into the hospital and I would show him his sister and it would be perfect. She was due on Feb 11 and a week before the hospital put a ban on all children under 12 because of a flu outbreak. I didn’t get to see my son for almost 3 days. My husband would go to the lobby and take him out to lunch while my Mom visited but I missed him and I felt like I missed an important piece of what was supposed to happen when he had a sibling. However when we got home we got an amazing picture of him seeing her for the first time, in the comfort of our own home and it was perfect that way. Good luck with your two babies. I am excited to read all about it. My children are now 4 and 8 and they are truly a blessing.

Cora November 30, 2012 at 10:58 am

I had baby sat for a woman with three boys (oy) since the oldest who is now 18 was 6 months. I remember her telling me that the baby was the easiest part the second time around because she’d been there done that. I think you’ve figured that out. It’s been so nice reading your journey but I want you to not put yourself down because you didn’t have a “natural birth”. I hope some day you can come to peace with this and know that you are not broken, never was. I’m not a mother yet but I know I will be a stronger one thanks to your stories and encouragement.

Jean November 30, 2012 at 10:59 am

You. Are. Amazing.
I feel so much peace and acceptance from you and it feels good. This might be weird, but I’m proud of you. I’m proud of you for educating yourself. I’m proud of you for fighting for what you wanted until the very last. I’m proud of you for showing up in the hospital. I’m proud of you for surrounding yourself with people who would support you. I’m proud of you for asking B to make your home normal. I’m just really proud of you.

And it totally made my day that you told us the other names. Thank You for that. And I’m jealous that you have a little baby for the holidays. I always thought that would be sweet. (Mine didn’t cooperate on that. Too big already. Oh well.)

You’re Just Really Awesome. Love.

Lisa M November 30, 2012 at 10:59 am

Welcome to the world miss Ruby! Congratulations, she’s perfect =)

Jennifer S November 30, 2012 at 11:01 am

the pics of G looking at Ruby Lee in the bassinette and that last one of you holding her and she is looking at you…makes me ALMOST think about wanting to have another one! LOVE!!

leslie November 30, 2012 at 11:01 am

my little girl is due in march. she and my son will be about as far apart in age as your two are. so THANK YOU so much for sharing all of this journey. reading your thoughts on G meeting his baby sister made me feel so emotional. I’m just so happy for you and your family and I love the name Ruby. is that okay to say? if I say nothing else? I love it!!!

K November 30, 2012 at 11:02 am

I love all three of the names- so I think its absolutely perfect that you let G choose. My husband and I really can’t decide on Baby 2’s name.. so I might steal your idea. What a wonderful way to make it a special decision for the whole family.

Congrats to everyone!

Monica King November 30, 2012 at 11:02 am

I am so glad things turned out as well as they did for you. I think the anticipation may have been worse than the actual events and I’m sure you are grateful for that. I have three kids and the 1st and 2nd are 19 months apart and the 2nd and 3rd are 17 months apart. It is definitely overwhelming at first when you bring the second home, but then it starts to feel like second nature. The third one? I just threw her on the pile :) I can’t wait to read more about your experiences as a Mom of Two. Enjoy!

Anne November 30, 2012 at 1:59 pm

This is my exact situation too (oldest is now just over 4), and I always joke that the youngest cuts his own steak already. Each one gets easier, right?!

Jennifer November 30, 2012 at 11:03 am

Congrats! I have 2 under 2 and the first 6 weeks were a blur, honestly it was a diaper changing, feeding, napping cycle for 2; me not included. But I made it through still not sure how though. I already miss the newborn stage and she’s only 5.5 months! All the household crap can wait, you’re children won’t. Sit back and enjoy it.

Janet November 30, 2012 at 11:03 am

You went through the wringer, that’s for sure! But Ruby Lee is GORGEOUS and perfect and sparkly and she is so, so lucky to have parents who love her so much and fought for her all the way through the pregnancy and the surgery. Congratulations, Modg!!!!

Leslie [MsMagpieWrites] November 30, 2012 at 11:07 am

I’m so happy for you and your family. You’ve been through so much already that I’m sure you’ll be able to handle anything that gets thrown at you this time. I can’t wait to read more.

Erin November 30, 2012 at 11:08 am

I just had my 2nd child on 11.8. Everything you say rings true and sets off tears of joy, bewilderment and hope. Best to you, your husband, your kidS…

Erin November 30, 2012 at 11:09 am

I have two boys, 3 years old (and one month) and 9 1/2 months old. I LOVE it – but you know what? Those first few months SUCKED. It was a tough transition. Just know that life with two kids won’t always be so difficult. It’s certainly crazier in our house now but also so much more joyful. And I’m SO glad to be through those first few months of a needy newborn, a whiny toddler, ZERO sleep and just the overall stress of adjusting to life with two.

Enjoy it where you can, but also know it passes and gets way more fun. ;) Good luck! She’s beautiful!

Kelly @ Turned up to Eleven! November 30, 2012 at 11:09 am

I read the entire story but decided to comment at the ending… well I guess it’s more of a beginning isn’t it?

Congratulations – I know it wasn’t the way you wanted it but I am happy you made it through, and you have Ruby Lee, B and G all together and you’re thriving after all the emotions you’ve been going through.

I hope you heal quickly, and kick asses and take names ASAP as you always do. I’m very proud of you for being such a fighter, and very proud that you didn’t think just of yourself but other women who will no doubt go through what you have, did and will in the next few years.

Thank you for always being so honest, laying it all on the table and making us smile and laugh and sometimes cry with you. We support you 100% girl, at least I know I do.

Congratulations again and I Love the name. ALL the names rock! And I agree Lincoln Vampire Hunter definitely a high point (only the movie was horrible, the book was amazing) ;)

oxoxo lots of love, virtual hugs and kisses for you and your crew!!!

Amanda B November 30, 2012 at 11:11 am

Thanks for sharing your story and the names! Super exciting…so I know this is a bit random, but I’m preg with my first and I’m a bit clueless…can you explain why you would have a doula, midwife and a doctor? What does one do that the other can’t or how does having all of those during birth make a difference? Seriously clueless…help me out here :)

Megan November 30, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Not MODG, but I had the same doula at both of my sons’ births. I highly recommend it. This is a person who, no matter what kind of birth you plan to have or ultimately do have, is there to support you and you alone, unbound by hospital protocol, etc. I also think it’s a great help to the father/partner, who may be very intimidated by all that is going on and may be unsure how to help the mom. In my case, our doula helped me stay home longer than I may have otherwise, gave massages, encouraged me to eat and drink, and generally was a wonderful and supportive quiet presence for us.

Erin November 30, 2012 at 11:11 am

I just had my 2nd on 11.8.everything you write rings true and springs forth tears of joy, bewilderment and hope. Best to you, your husband and your kidS

Jennifer November 30, 2012 at 11:13 am

I think you’re incredibly blessed to have such a great support system and loving family in your life. :) Ruby is beautiful, and G will be a great big brother. You got this. <3

Ginger November 30, 2012 at 11:14 am

Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful experience with all of us! You are so amazing Modg and will be such a fabulous mom of 2! You are an inspiration to me and I’m sure a lot of other people. Ruby lee is BEAUTIFUL! AND I CAN ONLY IMAGINE THE SPARKLES TO COME! Hope G gets better soon and can play with his new little sister! Your family is just presh, and I’m a little obsessed (in a non-stalkerish/creepy way).

Amanda November 30, 2012 at 11:15 am

gah, so cute! you totally picked the best name too! (well, G did!) Glad you are all doing well!

Serial November 30, 2012 at 11:15 am

Is it OK to be judgy if my judgement is RUBY LEE IS THE BEST NAME OF THE THREE BY FAR.

You’re a badass. So glad you’re not all rah rah rah isn’t everything amaaaazing I’m so blessed blah blah because those people are the worst.

Amanda November 30, 2012 at 11:16 am

OOPS realized I wasn’t supposed to say you picked the best name. I take that back. But seriously. Great name!

Lisa November 30, 2012 at 11:17 am

Vag rips are 0% cupcake party, but vag skin is like mouth skin and heals super fast, so it hurts for less time, I think. I dunno, I’ve never had a c section. Also, I recall post birth bleeding to be pretty horror movie too. The scariest part is where they say “no tampons – use these giant pillow pads from the 70s. Here’s some disposable diaper underwear to make you feel even less attractive.” Then they follow it with “no sex for weeks and weeks” and you’re all looking at your menstrual disposable underwear situation and all of the things hurt, and you’re all “how about no sex ever again?”

These are the bits they should tell at high school assblies to prevent teen pregnancy.

I love Ruby’s name – Gavin definitely chose my favorite of your choices.

I’m so happy the PPD monster is screwing the hell off. Newborns are hard enough without added suck. I mean, they’re adorable and sweet and smell nice, but they’re also relentless balls of need. I’ve heard it said that human babies should probably gestate another few months, but our giant heads make that impossible. Kind of agree. Babies start getting fun at the 3-4 month mark, in my opinion.

Elizabeth November 30, 2012 at 1:07 pm

THIS. Hilarious :-)
“These are the bits they should tell at high school assblies to prevent teen pregnancy.”

Vanessa November 30, 2012 at 11:19 am

Cripes, if I didn’t have an adorable toddler of my own, I’d say G is the cutest one in the worrrrld. The sibling shots are the BEST. I hope G feels better soon!

Jenny November 30, 2012 at 11:20 am

A million congratulations on your beautiful family. Thank you for always being honest You’re amazing and I can’t wait to follow you on this new journey!
:)

Stephanie November 30, 2012 at 11:22 am

Thank you for sharing. I recently had an unplanned c-section & reading both your birth stories really helped me. You are a strong, beautiful mother & you are going to be an even better mother of 2. I now read your colic post. A lot. & wish you had a post on how to get your baby to sleep somewhere other then on you!

Congratulations. You make the most beautiful babies!!!

XOXO

Caroline November 30, 2012 at 11:23 am

I definitely “aww”-ed out loud at the description of G giving Ruby her “ghosty.”

Jenn November 30, 2012 at 11:23 am

Those were all terrific names, but I feel like Ruby just fits her. She looks like a Ruby :) She is gorgeous!

Jenn November 30, 2012 at 11:24 am

Oh, and I’m glad your not feeling any PPD. And I know you are awesome enough to ask for help if you do :)

Ashley November 30, 2012 at 11:28 am

You are amazing. This is my first pregnancy and I started reading your blog from the beginning over the summer. The plan is birth center, midwife and maybe a doula. My husband thinks a doula is a hippie sorceress, i told him clearly not they are more like Rafiki from the lion king..Anyway I don’t think I would have been able to stay sromg in the fight for my “abnormal” birth plan if it hadn’t been for your blog. People aren’t always supportive of the road less travelled and even though your posts were from two years ago I felt I had your support to stay strong. We will see how it all goes down next month. But your experiences and your acceptance of what had to be for Little Miss Ruby Lee’s birth are truly inspiring. I hope the blues and reds stay far away and you only have sparkles, cupcakes and unicorns in the coming months. Thank you for being you and being able to share your life with all of us.

Desiree November 30, 2012 at 11:28 am

My friend asked to have the curtain lowered during her c-section and the doctor told her no as well BUT I think it’s going to start to catch on. Well meaning that more will ask for it and if more ask maybe doctors will start to figure out ways to make the c-section more about having a baby and less about being a surgery. Thank you again for sharing. Ruby is beautiful.

Keri November 30, 2012 at 11:29 am

Congratulations on your new little girl! As someone who has had both a C-Section and a Vaginal Birth- I can assure you- it’s 6 of one half dozen of the other as far as pain and recovery! My lower parts hurt for 2 weeks and it was difficult to walk/sit/drive. The C-section made it diffucult to bend over, lift and stand up. Either way- you get ripped a new one!

Meg November 30, 2012 at 11:30 am

I loved your story, I loved your fight, b/c that’s what matters. You fought for change & that’s the only way to have change happen. I’m sorry you didn’t get your VBAC, I can relate as I couldn’t VBAC either. I’m sorry you didn’t get all you wanted in your c/s. I’ve heard PA is more difficult with that, which I find weird b/c it’s not like Philly is in the sticks. It’s my hometown area. I did get a more natural c/a, but I had months of planning for it & fighting for it b/c I was given zero VBAC chance. However, together I believe you & I & all the other women out there are contributing to the change in our horrible birthing process in the US. Of course c-sections are not ideal & I truly loved how eloquently you illustrated the reality of a c-section b/c it’s so glamorized today & it’s anything but glamorous. We can’t change how it is, we can’t change that we had to have them, but we are changing how doctors are looking at them & us. Too many people say as long as you have a healthy baby that’s what matters, but it all matters. It matters how you feel about the operation, that you wanted respect for the birth & that it wasn’t just another surgery. I’m glad you are able to find some peace with your birth & that will get better. I still find myself grieving a little here & there that I can never have a water birth that I wanted & I will ball my eyes out watching the Business of Being Born, but it gets better. And I hope that you find it healing that you fought for a better birth experience. And I hope you’re proud of yourself for all of this. You educated yourself & did not just accept what a doctor said you took it all a step further. And by all of this you’re making a change for all future mothers in our country.

Ruby November 30, 2012 at 11:31 am

I know you said not to, but I can’t help it, I’m a Ruby and G chose well. Loved my name my whole life and your Ruby will, too. ;)

Gini November 30, 2012 at 11:31 am

LOVE. So much love! Congratulations– you’ve arrived, mama!

MODG November 30, 2012 at 11:31 am

test

Natalie November 30, 2012 at 11:34 am

yeah just posted a comment and it didn’t go through…

A November 30, 2012 at 11:37 am

Same here….

Ruby is another gorgeous addition to your little family! I can’t wait too watch (er, read?) her grow! But, if you throw that ridiculously awesome bandana in the fire, I will cut you. Love!

Kristi L November 30, 2012 at 11:46 am

Me too :(

Pickle November 30, 2012 at 11:32 am

Congratulations again! The pictures are so beautiful and I’m glad you’re having an “easier” postpartum than last time. So happy for you, B, and G.

Kelly November 30, 2012 at 11:32 am

Thank you for sharing this. I am 4 weeks into this mother of two thing and it’s no joke. But actually being able to grasp the fact that I will survive this is priceless. Had a repeat c after a trial of labor that was significantly worse than the first. (So much so that I’m done having kids.) And my incision hurts. Still. Not being able to pick up my oldest is killing me. Took days to name our second too, only later to discover that he shares his name with a TV character on a popular show that we’ve never even seen. Which I hate, but also think his name is perfect for him. I need to blog about all this too, but my only ability to get online has being via my phone. I’m amazed that you have found the time & energy to share with us. Knowing that my struggles are not unique helps me to cope and survive! So thanks again for sharing! Your photos are amazing, and your family is beautiful! Congratulations on Ruby Lee!

Natalie November 30, 2012 at 11:32 am

This probably isn’t the takeaway I should have gotten from this blog post but isn’t Shark Tank the best.show.ever?? We watch it every Friday night (after it has recorded for a while so no commercials DUH) and I have to force myself NOT to go to these peoples’ websites WHILE watching them in the tank…otherwise I usually (by accident) find out who they did a deal with too soon. I have totally bought the Lolla Cup, the Wine Balloon thing and a few weeks ago my husband signed up for the tie share site (TieTry?). Oh and congrats on RL, can’t wait until she is 6 months old for you (newborn phase bites the big one for sure).

Kristi L November 30, 2012 at 11:35 am

Dear MODG and fam,

I’ll start off by saying a big CONGRATULATIONS to you all! Such a beautiful family!

I’m sorry that the birth didn’t go as you had planned but this story is a story that only you have. The memories are yours and will last a lifetime. Meeting your baby for the first time face-to-face makes everything we do as preg women worth it. Moms sacrifice everything for their children but the love we get back from them is ten-fold.

You’re braver than I am for having two – I’m still sitting cozy here with one, terrified of having a second. Everyone I talk to says “two is the same as having one”. I’m convinced they’re lying. I know you’ll tell the truth, that’s one thing I can count on! I’m looking forward to hearing your advice and experiences as a mom of two!! I love reading your blog and look forward to every new entry.

Sparkle c-scars…
Kristi L

A November 30, 2012 at 11:35 am

Ruby is another gorgeous addition to your little family! I can’t wait to watch (er, read?) her grow! But, if you throw that ridiculously awesome bandana in the fire, I will cut you. Love!

Goldie November 30, 2012 at 11:37 am

This was so beautiful and well written. My daughter has the same ghosty but we call it muffin. (is Lila pronounced lee-la or lie-la?)

erinisabel November 30, 2012 at 11:38 am

If I ever have to have another C-Sec I hope I handle it half as well as you have. I am sososo happy for you and your family and your happiness. I can’t imagine how proud you must’ve felt when G met Ruby for the first time. I’m just an internet stranger but it made me tear up! And all those names are awesome, I would’ve had a hard time choosing too. Congratulations ModgMom of Two!

Rach November 30, 2012 at 11:39 am

I love every single thing about this. I love all your name choices and I think it was AWESOME to give G a part in the naming… because how in the hell could you pick, seriously!?!?! I love that you’re so candid about your experience and aren’t afraid to cop to any of it… tears and vomit and moments of joy, all together.

You have made pregnancy and childbirth far less frightening for someone like me (age 34/childless/getting the “when?? when??” from far too many people)… believe me when I tell you, as grateful as you are for us, we are just as grateful for you and your willingness to share your family with us.

I hope your transition to a “family of 4″ continues to go smoothly… and I wish you and B, G and little R the happiest holidays!

ElisaM November 30, 2012 at 11:40 am

While I realize everything didn’t work out like you hoped, this gave me a warm fuzzy feeling inside, I hope that’s what you’re feeling too, and I hope little G gets better soon so he can bond with his sister. And thanks for satisfying my curiosity about the other names! All the best :)

Ashley November 30, 2012 at 11:40 am

For what it is worth… I had a vaginal delivery & bled for a good six weeks. The first week or so I wore what I referred to as a surf board. So I think any form of delivering a kid gets you that lovely treat…

Jennie December 4, 2012 at 9:18 pm

True story.

Hetha2 November 30, 2012 at 11:42 am

What a beautiful conclusion to this story. Ruby is the perfect name! Great choice! Hope G gets to feeling better. So happy for you and your family!

julie s. November 30, 2012 at 11:42 am

Thank you so much for sharing all of this. I’m due with my second baby in April, and the first was a very unexpected c-section in May 2011 (they’ll spaced out about the same as G and Ruby). My midwife is super upbeat and positive about a VBAC, but of course it’s hard to shake the fears of a second c-section. It helps so much to read all of these feelings, thoughts and experiences of another person, written in such an utterly candid and open way.

Also, we’re having a boy and have always liked the name Lincoln (we have a great friend named Lincoln)…it hadn’t even occurred to me that the name might be growing in popularity because of a dang movie!! Dammit.

Sugar November 30, 2012 at 11:44 am

Couldn’t be happier for you. So thankful that beautiful child is healthy and that you are too. Most thankful that all of the prayers for no PPD has worked. Great story, beautifully written (as usual) and I still think you should write a book. You have a way with words….and making beautiful babies! Can’t wait to see her NURSERY!

Jess November 30, 2012 at 11:44 am

I cannot tell you how happy I am for you and your family! However, I am also happy for all of the people that you help, every day, with your humor and honesty. I am a hippie, a new mom and a Labor and Delivery nurse – three things that when combined, really qualify you to be institutionalized. They don’t always jive, as I’m sure you can imagine. I have hippie friends and regular friends, too, but then I also have this skewed view of birth that comes from working in an inner-city Philly hospital. I am so happy to have sought out opportunities to learn about natural birth and the way, in my mind, things really should be. I went into my own birthing experience with a friend and partner in my OB/GYN, as we had worked together at a hospital before she graduated residency. We had the perfect birth all planned out and then my water broke and I was 1 centimeter. So I accepted pitocin, with my medicine-self saying “obviously if your water is broken too long, you’re going to get an infection and the baby is going to go to the NICU and get a spinal tap! Duh, take the pitocin!” and my hippie-self saying “This is wrong. This is wrong. Leave here now.” After 10 hours of getting the highest strength of pitocin I have ever seen and making it to a whopping 3 centimeters, I decided I needed to take pity on the rest of the women in labor and get an epidural so I would stop screaming and trying to break things. But the worst thing happened…I actually let the thought, “what will everyone say when they find out I got an epidural?” creep into my head. SERIOUSLY?? Why do we do this to ourselves? I had thought for so long that I could do it, and would do it, but it just wasn’t happening.

When I teach childbirth classes I tell the class that labor is like poker…you get dealt a hand, and you have to make the best of it. I use laminated cards that say boy/girl, vaginal/C-section, epidural/natural, etc., and they lay out their perfect birth and then I make them turn a card over, one at a time, and people really start freaking out. Like they want to kill me. When I was sitting up for my epidural, I remember my husband holding my hand and we both were just sobbing. He knew that everything that was happening was not part of the plan…but wouldn’t you know, after dilating only 1-3cm in 15 hours, after the epidural I went to 10cm in the next 4.

Even though C is only 6 months old I am already thinking about the next birth…not necessarily having another baby, just how I am going to rock the crap out of pregnancy and labor. Maybe I’ll even convince my husband to let me do it at home. The point I am trying to make is…you didn’t fail. I thought I failed for so long. But nothing that I was worried about with getting the pitocin and getting the epidural happened. In fact – I got a fever about an hour after delivery – and had I not been induced, I might have gotten it sooner, and Charlie might have gotten sick.

So Ruby is here…and she is amazing. And you are amazing. And I love you. THERE, I SAID IT! Keep on being the greatest.

Sugar November 30, 2012 at 11:44 am

Wait-did I miss the nursery post?

Shannon November 30, 2012 at 11:47 am

Now having had a c/s I find it funny when women request one thinking it will be easier than a vaj delivery because the recovery (at least for me) was incredibly long and painful. Granted I haven’t had a vaj delivery so maybe that’s just as bad but a c/s in my opinion is not necessarily the easy way out.

I really like all your name options for different reasons Lincoln is definitely very cool and different, Lila is very feminine and sweet and Ruby is just classic and precious and will work for all ages so you really couldn’t go wrong. I love that G picked the name, what a cool honor to have.

Thanks for sharing your story and your whole pregnancy journey. Best to you and your family.

Jessica November 30, 2012 at 11:50 am

Congratulations again, MODG. And thank you for sharing it with all of us, your devoted Internet stalkers. You are doing great, hang in there bc G will get better and things will keep gettin easier as you heal. The whole story was lovely and we are all proud of you. PS I also loved all three names.

Mandi November 30, 2012 at 11:51 am

I’m sending lots of hugs, love, and sparkles your way for you and your family! Thank you so much for sharing your story! I’m 15 weeks pregnant right now with my very first baby and I’m going the homebirth midwife route. I really have my heart set on it being exactly how it is in my head … but I know how unlikely that will be. Hearing your story really helped me feel like no matter what, it’s going to be great in the end. So that helped, a lot — exactly what I needed to hear! So thank you!

Twila November 30, 2012 at 11:52 am

I think she looks like a Ruby!!! Thanks for sharing you story with all of us

Nicole November 30, 2012 at 11:54 am

You are just as helpful to all of the readers as they/we have been to you. We just found out we are pregnant with our second, and it is nice to read a real-life perspective that isn’t all bunnies, rainbows and unicorns, y’know? Thanks for, as always, keeping it real. :)

Amy Gard November 30, 2012 at 12:06 pm

I just want to say thank you for expressing an experience that many of us have had and not been able to say is such honest words what a woman goes through when having a c-section. I have had 3 s-cects, my children are no longer children [26, 24,& 21] but everything to me. I laughed and cried reading your experience as tho I was right back in the operating room. Thank you and enjoy this time with the little ones as it goes by way too fast. <3

Sarah November 30, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Thank you so much for sharing your story. Your grace and humor and honesty are so refreshing and as someone who has one darling little man and is struggling with the decision to have another child (PPD, rough birth with our first, etc. vs. the sheer joy of that little person), your bravery in sharing your life and experience so openly is so encouraging. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And I love all the names. Haters can suck it.

demi November 30, 2012 at 12:10 pm

SO HAPPY FOR YOU! You know we will all be supporting you every single day! The names are all awesome-but I think G picked the *perfect* one. :)

Kate November 30, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Beautiful story. Beautiful family. Congratulations :)

J November 30, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Your story has been truly inspiring. Thank you!

tara November 30, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Those are beautiful pictures! The pictures of G almost made me cry, and imagining him throwing ghosty at Ruby is hilarious and sweet at the same time.

All of those names were awesome, really cool that you let G pick.

Congrats MODG, I hope the depression alligators go hide in the swamp forevs. You rock and we’re all cheering you on.

Jessica November 30, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Beautiful pictures and fam.

Fyi, the link for Little Joy Photography website isn’t working.

Mary November 30, 2012 at 1:18 pm

I just want to know how you’re recovering from a c-section and the mother to two kids (including a brandy-new newborn), and STILL able to write three amazing blog posts. I don’t think I even brushed my hair most days after giving birth. I just lived in my “yoga” pants and nursing tanks, ate whatever my husband or mom fed to me, breastfed every hour, and slept. That was it. I was even annoyed when visitors dropped by b/c that cut into my sleeping time. You are amazing and your kids are gorgeous! Big hugs to you and the whole fam.

Amanda R. November 30, 2012 at 1:20 pm

I know we’ve given Ruby Ruby her props, but FYI, you look fabulous and happy in each pic.

Michelle November 30, 2012 at 1:21 pm

MODG – I’ve read your blog for a long time now but have never commented. I’m commenting now because I just had my 2nd baby (girl first time, boy second.) He is 7 weeks old now and I can tell you, you’ll make it. In my opinion, the hardest part has been control. I am a control freak and have learned that sometimes you just have to let things go, for everyone’s sake. My husband would say I have yet to actually learn that, but I know it, I just have a really hard time implementing it. Also, being a good mom to my 2 year old has been difficult. I’ve lost my cool one too many times and she gets the short end of the stick a lot. You’ll soon realize that even more than before, EVERY decision you make you’ll think about your older child and how they’ll feel or react. I feel like I’ve finally gotten the hang of it and the fear of my oldest killing my youngest has subsided a little, so hang in there. You’ll do great and I can’t wait to read about the journey!

Kellee November 30, 2012 at 1:33 pm

I know everything didn’t go as you’d hoped, but a huge congratulations to you all. The strength you’ve shown through all this (and your ability to maintain your awesomely snarky sense of humor) is something to be proud of. I think you should make B throw you an I-recently-had-a-large-but-adorable-parasite-removed-from-my-body-and-lived-to-tell-about-it party. People do that, right?

Anyway…I’m so glad you have your peeps – both real and here in the ether – to support you. Thanks for sharing your story and all the best to your beautiful and newly expanded family.

Lisa November 30, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Your entries always make me cry. Either pee-my-pants-laughing cry, or I-know-exactly-what-you’re-talking-about cry. So happy to hear the happy ending. Prayers for a quick recovery and an easy transition. Congratulations to all 4 of you, what a kick ass family! Hope G feels better fast. I tell ya, you’re so lucky that he was excited to see his sister. My son was 2 1/2 when our daughter was born, he didn’t want to be near her. Over 2 years later, he sits next to her, sometimes they wrestle and I cry. It’ll all be ok… get as much rest as boobs and baby will allow. Sleep will help ward off PPD too :) Don’t be afraid to ask for help so you can get a nap!

Erin November 30, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Only 2 thoughts:

1. Congratulations!

2. Lila…Lila FOWLER of SWEET VALLEY FAME???? Please let me know this is where you got that name…I still proudly own a really well worn version of the Sweet Valley High Board Game.

Ruby Lee is a great name, and they were all beautiful. You couldn’t have gone wrong :)

amy November 30, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Even though you probably won’t like the cheesiness of this statement, I am overwhelmed with happiness for you. xoxo

Mags November 30, 2012 at 2:23 pm

I am dying over G’s adorable “Big Brother” scrubs!!! They are perfect!

Ruby is beautiful and you look great! Glad the sads have kept their distance.

J November 30, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Ruby is a sweet girl! So, just to share, I had a vag delivery with a 9′ 7″ baby and let me affirm the lack of cupcake party. It was a murder mess for a long time, I hemorrhaged after delivery because my uterus would not contract due to such a big baby, and I went in to shock and almost died. Had a month of bed rest at home (due to continued severe bleeding), emergency trips back to hospital to stop bleeding, and ultimately, some bad-ass postpartum due to the whole mess. Also, only child because terrified to ever go through that again! Big baby + c-section may have been the best thing for you!

J November 30, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Ruby is a cutie!

Theresa P November 30, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Thank you for sharing your story. I love how honest, open and real you are. I had two c-sections also, and your story brings back a lot of emotions and similar feelings with the surgery, vomiting, etc. Anyhow, I am also in my second year of medical school studying to be a doctor, and as somebody who understands the scariness of c-sections and who understands there are a ton of us out there who just want to be heard by the medical world, I know I will do my best to be one of those doctors who truly listens to my patients and gives them the best, safest experience possible. Although I do understand the medical reasons behind a lot of why doctors do what they do, I know there are still many ways to better communicate and ensure the patient doesn’t feel like they have to fight for what they want. Thank you for reminding me what I can do to one day make somebody’s medical experience even just a little better :)

Jenn November 30, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Can I make a suggestion for a future post?
I want to hear about 24-hours in the live of Modg. Seriously, you are ah-maz-ballz!
I need to know how you do it.

I have a husband, 2 girls and a needy dog. I work FT, but so do you. I get home and I’m like yeah, dishes bomb went off in the kitchen? Laundry bomb? Toy bomb went off in the livingroom? – Could someone *please* get me a cold beer?!

Let alone write a blog (with a newborn, I might add) that inspires hundreds of women to post about how inspiring you are. I’m jealous of you, and I’ve got a mad internet crush on you.

Please – do share your wisdom!

leslie November 30, 2012 at 3:59 pm

yes! a day-in-the-life post would be the greatest thing ever!

Brandy S December 1, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Yes.

Carly November 30, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Your story made me smile and even think that MAYBE I could handle two kids as well. We will see. Congratulations and I wish you and your family nothing but the best!

eve November 30, 2012 at 3:27 pm

I’m sure you chose the right name. When you look back in a week, month, or year, you won’t even think the other names could ever have worked because the baby so becomes the name you give them. At least that’s what happened for me.
As someone who hopes for a VBAC next year but has already been gently discouraged, thank you for sharing your emotional story. You brought awareness to important issues and spread hope to probably more people than you realize. You have a beautiful family — congratulations on your healthy new girl!

Mags November 30, 2012 at 3:27 pm

I am dying over G’s “Big Brother” scrubs! Too cute!!

Ruby is beautiful! Congrats to all of you and very glad the sads have kept their distance!

K November 30, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Congratulations on your bravery and on growing such a big, beautiful girl. It was your body that did that.
And the picture of G peering in at his sister is so, so, so sweet!

Laura November 30, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Congratulations! What a sweet, beautiful baby! I agree that knowing this time around that it gets better helps tremendously! As well as looking into the sweet beautiful eyes of not 1 but 2 children. My second is 13 old & we are definitely still adjusting. sometimes I think I’m losing my mind. & my house is a disaster a lot but we’re all alive & happy. so i have decided That i have conquered this ****. well, so far anyway , & i know its still early ;) lol. Best of luck!

S November 30, 2012 at 3:52 pm

All I can say about the names is that you couldn’t have lost with any of them, I LOVE them!
You have the most beautiful kids! I swear G even looks cuter as a big brother.
Even though this was nothing like your plan, and this may seem cheesy, but I loved reading this because you guys were such a TEAM bringing Ruby into the world. You, B, your doula, and midwife, you guys brought her into the world with such love. She will love to hear this all some day, especially how her name was chosen, that is just precious! Anyway, remember the support you had bringing Ruby here, and remember you still have it when you need it now!

linka72 November 30, 2012 at 3:54 pm

I read the names out loud to my hatin’ ass co-workers and they shot them down..they suck donkey balls.
ANYWAY – I love the names, and since I live in Georgia, in my head, I hear them all with a “southern twang”..And I can’t help but think of my mean, old Aunt Ruby – she was a big black woman that would slap the skin off your face for being a “sass mouff”..haha
Welcome to the world Miss Ruby Lee

Robyn November 30, 2012 at 5:07 pm

This is the best comment ever. “She was a big black woman that would slap the skin off your face for being a “sass mouff!” Good lord, that visual makes me convulse with silent giggles at my desk.

Congrats MODG for creating life, carrying it for 9ish months and getting her into this world safely.

I am so exited to see what miss Ruby looks like as she grows, as Gavin is gorgeous and I can only imagine how beautiful Ruby will be. You know all babies look weird for the first few months. Don’t lie.

KamiKaze November 30, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Modg,

Congratulations to you and your beautiful family! I loved that you had G pick a name out of the hat. I loved all the choices but I think the one picked was meant to be. Despite all the ups and downs in this pregnancy, I am glad that the ppd monster has stayed away.

I hope your scorpion scar heals quickly and get’s less stingy with time. At a 4th degree tear in your vag is no party from what my friend said. It took a long time for things to get back to normal for her–her last pregnancy was a lot smoother thankfully. So there is always that to consider.

Man, they really should tell girls this about pregnancy during the anti-teen pregnancy campaigns, I mean–teen mom only goes so far in their stories. Though I do like the show.

Anyway, best wishes to you all.

Kami

Cortnie November 30, 2012 at 4:16 pm

I love you, MODG!!! You are so inspiring if not for the very fact that you shared this journey with all of us, with me who also has hopes of having a VBAC with all the hippy-ness I can gather.

I think you are amazing. AMAZING. Just believe me.

xo
cortnie

Sheelah November 30, 2012 at 4:41 pm

My two girls are 20 months apart (youngest is 6 months tomorrow), and when the oldest met her, she threw something at her face right away, too! It was one of those blue nosy sucky outty things.

Laura November 30, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Thank you for your truth!!

maria maria November 30, 2012 at 5:22 pm

aw, the story of G meeting his little sister is so sweet. Definitely one to tell them when they are older!

Colleen Tracey November 30, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Thanks for sharing- makes me feel better that I am not the only one who struggled with depression after birth and also struggled with an unplanned c section recovery. It freakin hurts! I read 7 books on birth before our little one came and I skipped EVERY chapter on c sections because I wasn’t having one. After pushing for 3.5 hours apparently I was having one. Anyways I love the story and Ruby and your family of 4 are perfect!!

Maddie November 30, 2012 at 6:13 pm

I have been a silent follower for a while now but wanted to comment on your birth story. I just had a little boy on Nov. 15 via c-section and it is nice to know that there is someone else going through a lot of the things at the same time as me. I have a 3 (almost 4) year old an an 18 month old as well- all three boys. My husband just went back to work Sunday night (he works nights) and it has been the longest week of my life. I love my little guys, but it is exhausting. I can’t wait for the night when I sleep 2 consecutive hours! Thanks again for sharing…looking forward to more posts!

Andrea November 30, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Wonderful. Perfect. Even though I’ve had four kids, I never ever get tired of reading birth stories. Congratulations!!!! Ruby Lee is completely gorgeous.

Susan November 30, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Such beautiful memories encapsulated in your pictures. I esp love the one of you and your two kids! ;) I am praying for ppd to not rear it’s ugly head, so you can really enjoy your little girl at this age. Life will be like you’ve never known it before…..but also GREATER at times than you’ve ever known before!

Susan from GA

Amanda @ Living on Grace November 30, 2012 at 7:54 pm

what a beautiful story!
and several things you said encourage me that having a second won’t…kill me. like that you have perspective now: you’re nursing around the clock but one day you won’t be. it’s not forever.
and you aren’t the first person to have two kids. neither am i. hell, did you know some people have two….at once!?!?!?

welcome ruby lee. i love the name, it’s so so so beautiful.

(lincoln was filmed in richmond, va, where i live. there’s so much lincoln buzz….)

SusanL November 30, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Congratulations to you and your new family of 4! I know this is sap in your face, but your posts really do make a difference in people’s lives. I’m 34 weeks with my first, and hearing your C section story makes the whole process seem a heck of a lot less scary, should it come down to that with me. (Planning a home birth with our amazing midwife.) Anyhow, thank you a million.

colleen November 30, 2012 at 8:20 pm

i love that photo of g peering into her bassinet. and i also love that her name ending up being ruby. she is so beautiful – though i would expect no less from you and b.

Jen @ Ginger Guide November 30, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Beautiful name, beautiful baby, beautiful pics. Congrats on your sweet little girl. I hope I do better with our second, whenever we get around to it. I was so PPD after my first I barely remember anything about having a newborn and hopefully I get to be a better mom the second time around. Just remember, depression lies. Hang in there.

Hugs and love!

Lauren November 30, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Please please PLEASE blog about your experience as a new mom to 2 kids! My baby girl is only 7 months and I die a little inside every time I think about doing what I’m doing now with another person to take care of. How the hell does anyone do it, please tell me.

Kallie December 1, 2012 at 3:32 am

Mine are 2+ and 11m, they’re 16 months apart. You can do it, I promise. Parents have been doing it for centuries. I know it sounds generic, but you just take one task at a time, one morning at a time, one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. You’ll figure out what they (and you) can tolerate and I promise that you’ll have days where you’ll be surprised at how well it went and how much you got accomplished. Strangers (store clerks, usually) ask me how far apart my kids are and then the inevitable “how do you do it???” The answer is you do it to show your kids what ambition and commitment and optimism look like, and some days that can mean getting everyone out of the house (with pants on! Bonus), putting gas in the car, and going right back home to sit on the floor in a daze. You’ll be great, and your kids will love you for it.

Amanda November 30, 2012 at 9:55 pm

The picture of G with his face “pressed up to the glass” to see his sister might be the cutest effing thin I’ve ever seen. Ever. I might have cried a little at that.

And I know you don’t want to hear it but, I like Ruby Lee the best out of those three names.

amber November 30, 2012 at 10:07 pm

I‘m super impressed by your attitude. You obviously made the best of a situation you hated. Congratulations on your beautiful little Ruby.

Melanie November 30, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Congrats, love & laughter to you and your family! I’m a huge fan…but I am a nut about birth stories, mainly yours which are so real and described how I like to hear them, crude and vulgar! When I
Say “I” I mean me and my hospital staff labor and delivery nurses ( some if them hippie, tree hugging, granola types)… Well, you inspire me to do right by women and families even in a western medicine culture of birthing– so thanks for sharing! I made everyone even the director of women’s and children’s services watch your video post on “natural c/s”! Have fun and drink a beer each nite for milk supply;)

Megan November 30, 2012 at 10:19 pm

I’m one of your internet strangers and I’ve never commented before (because I have 2 little nuggets too- um yeah, busy), but I had to. Although our pregnancy journeys were different, I connected to your stories all along the way. I think you are incredibly brave and resilient. Especially so, for being able to tell people when you don’t feel like you are and that you feel scared, sad, etc. I have a 3 and a half year old son and a 13 month old daughter (named Lila). I can tell you that even if you have a birth close to what your plan was you can still go through hell and back. That is why I relate. I was shell shocked. My vag birth was traumatic. Ty was tongue-tied and they missed it at the hospital. I fought like hell for weeks (at 8-10 feedings a day being in utter agony it might as well have been years) to breast feed. I finally got help at home from an amazing hippie lactation consultant (gotta love hippies) who suggested we go see a specialist. Whatever, I’m rambling. Long story, about 7 weeks after he was born I began to be able to stand to breast feed. In the meantime, he also had colic (or maybe he was just starving) and screamed continuously whenever he was awake. I had PPD and was completely numb, but utterly unhappy and depressed during a time when it’s “supposed” to be one of the best times of your life. I think back and wonder why I didn’t just give up? Give him a bottle. He might have been happier. Maybe I would have too. I fought because although it was complete torture for me, it was what was best for my baby. And I think you did too. You fought, planned, educated yourself, got support, and did all that you could for 9 months for your baby girl and in the end you laid aside your fear of the knife, etc for yourself and did what was best for your baby. That is so strong. You have a lot to be proud of and you did a lot of hard work!

I would love to be able to say that it was all butterflies and cupcakes with Lila the second time around, but it wasn’t! Kind of more of the same. Different struggles, but equally as hard. But this time I was more aware of what PPD felt like, kinder to myself if I “failed” (breastfeeding), and I gave myself a pass for not being in love with having a newborn. I got help and got better. I got back to me again and now that I’m through it all I am so thankful for being strong and having support because I have these two amazing, hilarious, gorgeous kids that love eachother and me and it makes everything sparkle :)

Thank you so much for always being so honest and letting women know that this shit is hard. Hardest shit ever probably. At times I thought I’d rather be water boarded. No matter which way you bring a life into this world it is laborious and you did it twice. So congratulations to you. Ruby Lee and G are lucky kids to have such a strong mom and sweet dad. She is absolutely adorable and I LOVE the names!!! I hope the next few weeks fly by during the hard times and I hope the cuddly times linger. God Bless.

PS- You’ve probably read this already, but I adore this blog post about momhood. Makes you feel strong.

http://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/04/2011-lesson-2-dont-carpe-diem/

Lexi November 30, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Girl, first congrats… She is LOVELY. Second, I am here as the ghost of future you, 2 babies via c- section (not good experiences) and it was tricky. And AMAZE at the same time, I have made it through to the other side, they are 5 & 7 now and I am here to I am here to tell you that all (or at least most) of the bad will be forgotten and you will prevail. Wine will be enjoyed more than ever and you will be an AWESOME MOM to those two loves. Seriously, super happy for your family.

Lexi November 30, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Apparently I WAS enjoying wine as I typed this comment!!

Beth November 30, 2012 at 10:39 pm

I’m glad G picked Ruby! So cute. I love the idea of G giving (or throwing to) Ruby a gift when they meet. Love the picture of him looking through the glass at her. Good job momma. I hope G feels better, I hope you feel better, and I hope you get help from those around you while your family grows and recovers. You can always pass it on later.

Beth November 30, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Oh and also glad G chose Lee, got to keep an asian shoutout.

Amanda November 30, 2012 at 10:51 pm

I puked like a drunk after my second C-section(and spinal, which I didn’t have with the first).

“wave this alcohol swab under your nose!”

vomit.

“WAVE IT UNDER YOUR NOSE!”

vomit.

“You really need to do something about this because you are going to rip your incision open.”

True Story. Because hurling what is left of my guts .2 seconds after it’s closed up is EXACTLY what I had invisioned on this day.

So excited and happy for your family.

Your Amanda, I’m Amanda. Your oldest is Gavin, My oldest is Gavin.

My youngest is a boy, so you lost me there.

(in other news, have you tried sleeping with a pillow under your hip to help suuport your incision so it doesn’t pull when you sleep?)

MDub November 30, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Love your honesty MODG. I get so tired of hearing the stories of how magical birthing a baby is. I call bullshit! I had my son in April and I was fortunate enough to have a very drama free vaginal delivery but it was not rainbows and butterflies like some people claim. In reading your posts, I look back and think I might have had a touch of PPD. I have never said that to anyone or even thought of talking about it but I remember having very similar feelings that you had. Even though I had a vaginal delivery and they placed him on my chest immediately I remember thinking, wow thats cool, who’s baby is this and when are they giving it back? I felt really disconnected, for at least the first month or so. I did not have that instant “I fell in love the moment I saw you” experience that a lot of moms have…and I felt guilty. I remember being up breastfeeding in the middle of the night and just feeling very alone. I cried A LOT. I also remember feeling like it was NEVER going to get better. Like this kid is going to cry his brains out until he’s 18 years old and I dont know if I can take it! I know now, those dark moments pass and each day gets better and better. I love my little guy with all my heart…but it took time to develop the relationship. I just love reading your blog and laughing my ass off…you are real and honest and friggin hilarious. I am so happy for you and your little family…Ruby sounds like the perfect addition. I cant wait to see the ridiculous outfits you put her in. I’m sure her wardbrobe is twice the size of mine. LOL (I probably have a million spelling errors, too lazy to spellcheck. Mah bad)

Sherrie November 30, 2012 at 11:30 pm

I thank you again for sharing your csection story. I experienced my failed vbac with you in your retelling. I experienced the joy in making some sort of amends with it in hearing your story as well. Writing my story was worth about five years of therapy. I wrote it for my local ICAN chapter. Those hippie women are awesome. My heart is both sweet and bitter as I read your story.

And, regarding two under three, there is a reason my kids are NINE years apart!! Good luck, peace, and joy in this new adventure.

Alissa December 1, 2012 at 12:18 am

Hi MODG, First off, congratulations to you and your family! Ruby Lee is beautiful! I’ve been reading your blog for a while, and it shines through that you are a wonderful, funny, and beautiful person. I truly appreciate you posting what you do, as it shows your strength. I admire you dearly.

Claire December 1, 2012 at 1:10 am

Keep Ruby close to you, like skin-to-skin close, as you are able with your incision and all. I’m sure your doula/midwife will tell you that it’ll keep the feel-good hormone going and keep the PDD away. Keep the breastfeeding going, that’ll also give plenty of oxytocin to make you feel good. I certainly don’t envy you for the post-c-section vomit, but if it makes you feel a bit better: post-vag delivery feels like my whole gut is about to burst out of your vagina, every time you stand up/sit up, and I had a 2nd degree wound that needed to be cauterized six weeks later, in my vagina, and it burned like hell for a few weeks after that making sitting down uncomfortable – much less sexy time. And I’m still a bit incontinent from all that pushing (from both. Yes.) sixteen months later. I hope you will remember this when you are all well from your incision and look back that it was the best decision you could have made under the circumstances.

My best wishes to you and Ruby!

Robin December 1, 2012 at 1:25 am

So glad that everything turned out so well in the end even though it wasn’t exactly as you had hoped it would be. If only we could all look as good as you do so soon after having a baby–you look beautiful! Best wishes to you, B, G and little Ruby Lee!

Kallie December 1, 2012 at 3:17 am

This comment is for your readers, not you MODG. Sorry I didn’t think to share this tip with you earlier :/ Congrats on delivering a healthy new person- you got her from the ovary to the world so don’t let anyone (including yourself) tell you that you didn’t deliver her just because she came out of a different hole.
I had 2 c-sections and I puked for at least 8 hrs after my first, so I spoke up at my 2nd and they gave me a little patch to wear behind my ear…. Scopolomine? I think? Too lazy to look it up, but it’s basically a seasickness patch, hospital grade. It helped a lot. Still got a little bit barfy, but I barf easily anyway and it was much better than being face down in the plastic dish for a day. But you can’t touch the patch cuz then if you touch your eye your retina will do seriously crazy sci-fi stuff and your vision will be a little goofy for a few days. Not joking- happened to me even though they warned me. (Sorry I forgot, I had a preemie! Bit preoccupied and didn’t think about not rubbing my sleepy, post-op eyes!!)

Sophia December 1, 2012 at 6:47 am

Awesome, thanks for the update. I loved reading Your birth story, and I love love love G’s super proud little moment giving his sister her gift – what a sweetheart! I’m glad to hear you are doing well x

Jane December 1, 2012 at 7:30 am

Hi. Thanks for sharing. Love you xoxo

Tia December 1, 2012 at 8:53 am

Beautiful story…beautiful family. Being a family of 3 was the coolest until we were a family of four. It took a few months to adjust…but my littlest is now 6 months old, and I couldn’t imagine life without two. I had c-sections with both of mine, and #2 was an attempted VBAC. I got all the way to feeling like pushing, and they had to take her (emergency). So, I think in a way it’s better to have the c-section from the get go rather than get as far as I did and have to have it anyway. But, I’m really glad to hear that you are doing so well. Being a momma is the best…which you already know. :)

Janet December 1, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Thanks for posting. Loved the story.

Brit December 1, 2012 at 4:10 pm

I know things didn’t play out as you and B had planned, but I’m so so happy for the both of you, your little one, Ruby and G, too. xo

Kate December 1, 2012 at 4:12 pm

You’re a trooper. And for the record, I’m seven weeks out and my vag is still to’ up, so C-section or vaginal birth, recovery is no picnic.

Kate December 1, 2012 at 6:12 pm

I totally hear you on the normalcy thing, I was depressed until I had that back. If I ever have another baby (which would totally be by accident) then I will remember to start the normalcy of routine right away. Beautiful name for a beautiful baby too. I am so happy we get to continue following you on this journey. Blessings.

ALYCIA TORRES December 1, 2012 at 9:38 pm

So happy for you! Love your honesty and unfiltered account…I’m trying getting preggo with baby number two but terrified of having a two.something year old and a new baby.

Amy December 2, 2012 at 12:34 am

I just want to thank you immensely for sharing your c-section story. I had my first child via c-section (non-elective) 6 months ago and it was the scariest major life event I have yet endured. I had no idea what to expect or what I was walking into; nor did I expect the days on end of crying and feelings of hopelessness (not to mention gushing period and throbbing abdomen) that followed for weeks. Until I happened upon your blog and your story, I had felt weak and concerned that I had allowed my doctor to lead me blindly down the wrong path. I am sure you know, as in my heart, I know, that we did make the choice that we felt was best for the health of our babies. Best of luck to you and your beautiful family.

Dee December 2, 2012 at 2:52 am

For what it’s worth, Ruby Lee is my favorite name out of the three. Gorgeous name for a gorgeous baby. G is such a wonderful big brother already!

Sprinklewho? December 2, 2012 at 11:45 am

Um, my daughter’s name is LYLA-JAMES. One name. I loved the name Ruby, but my friends daughters name is already Ruby so I felt like a complete asshat for wanting to go ahead and name my kid that. You’re one amazing Mama, and a year from now, you’ll look back and re-tell this story in a 2-minute synopsis while laughing and rolling your eyes, looking at your drooling, perfect daughter and think, ‘whatevs’. I had a HORRIFIC birth experience, and now 2 years later, I’m totally like, ‘LULZ guyz 8 days in labor? HILARIOUS.’ You’re a total rockstar.

erin December 2, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Congratulations! What a beautiful, beautiful little girl. Love how proud/excited G looks too. So happy for your family, and so happy for you and B for doing what you need to do to feel your best throughout this process.

Hillary December 2, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Oh, she looks so much like you! My babies come out looking like their dad, which is why I have a grumpy old man named Evelyn sucking on my boob. Luckily my first daughter grew out of it around 18 months so hopefully this one will too. I love Ruby Lee’s name! I can see why you had a hard time choosing though. For some reason the second kid is harder. We argued about Evelyn’s name for eight months at least. In the end I don’t think it’s the perfect name, the way I did with my first, but I’m not sure there is any such thing when there are so many factors influencing the decision, i.e. husband, grandparents, husband’s crappy last name that doesn’t sound good with anything, all my friends who stole the good baby names, the mean girl in my daughter’s class with the name I like, and so on.

Kelly P December 2, 2012 at 4:06 pm

I just popped by to see if there was a new post as I do every once in a while and my oh my when I saw that top photo of Ruby all I could think was that it was you, as in you in baby form. She looks exactly like you!! So gorgeous!

Sari December 3, 2012 at 12:06 am

Your bravery and candidness are an inspiration.
Keep on doing what you do mama!

Katie @ mommy brain blog December 3, 2012 at 12:12 am

Congrats again, MODG! Ruby is beautiful, and G is so cute with his baby sister! Have you read Half the Sky? It’s a book that describes the unfortunate plight of women around the globe. It’s sad but also very inspirational. I bring it up because in addition to chapters covering horrifying situations including the millions of women enslaved in brothels and the lack of education for girls around the globe, it also covers the sad truth about maternal mortality around the world. About 1,000 women die each day due to pregnancy or child-birth related complications. Human beings are the only mammals that needs assistance to give birth, and our large heads that house our large brains are a bad match for our narrow hips that allow us to walk. Natural childbirth can be wonderful and amazing, but a significant percentage of women have major problems giving birth, and many of these women in 3rd world countries die because a c-section was not something they could arrange logistically or financially. These women would literally give everything they have for a c-section, in some cases, or a doctor who could sew them up in other cases. Although I also much prefer a natural birth (or at least a vag birth with an epidural which was how my little guy came out), reading this book gave me some new perspective that I’ll look to if I’m ever in a situation where a c-section is necessary. Sorry to be so long-winded, and I hope I don’t sound preachy; just thought I’d mention it because the child-birth chapter of this book made me cry and also helped me think differently about the medical part of child-birth.

Denise December 3, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Congrats and god bless.

Shan December 3, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Modg,

Congrats – awesome story!

Also, you could not have lost on the name game- loved them all, but I am anxious to find out what those moments are in life where you know that Ruby was the RIGHT name in fact, I always think it’s interesting how that happens. We chose our daughter’s name at random off of a list of 5– I like those 4 other names now too, but they just aren’t HER.

Did you decide to do the placenta encapsulation this time?

Natalie December 3, 2012 at 8:46 pm

You want to know my thoughts? My thoughts are these:
-You are a complete and total BADASS.
-Your barfparty and hunchback, scorpion walk sounds WAY more painful than when my vag was bulldozed by my 10 pounder (and you’re right, no cakewalk). Seriously, much respect.
-You have come out the other side of this with so much positivity and that’s awesome.
-I am incredibly grateful to you for sharing your journey.
-You are a complete and total badass. Wait. . .did I say that already? ;)

Laura December 4, 2012 at 12:44 am

Im not typically someone who comments but I’m feeling compelled to share. I had a really similar experience. My first was an emergent section after an attempt to go natural. I vomited and hallucinated (yep- bugs crawling all over the baby) for 24 hours after. I was coo coo pants and my poor husband was convinced he would be raising a child and taking care of a shell of his wife forever. But thank god for meds and I came out of it. The second round I really wanted a VBAC, being petrified of PPD or really for me more like post partum psychosis. And then I found out I was having twins. Yep, there were two in there. My doctor was all about me trying for a VBAC and for that I love him. The time came and once again my body refused to budge. My second section was a way better experience but still it’s hard to have a newborn (or two!) and recover from major abdominal surgery. Anyways, my outlook on the whole thing has really changed now. Would we all have survived 200 years ago? I built these creatures and I’m pretty damn good at making awesome babies. My mother calls the whole experience my “natural c-section”. So- congrats. Own it. You done good, girl.

Rachel December 4, 2012 at 2:29 pm

I finally read all of the birth story. Congratulations on your beautiful daughter! Love all of the names, and how the name was chosen. Thank you for sharing so much of your thought process so honestly. I’m sure you’ve helped other women.

Lots of hugs as you continue to adjust to life with 2. Best wishes, mama.

Becky December 4, 2012 at 3:32 pm

A friend sent me your blog a little while ago and I have really enjoyed it. I love this story and was so glad that you are in a place of love and moving forward with life. My daughter was breech. I tried to do a version (worst pain of my life) but it didn’t work and I ultimately had no choice but to have a c section. I have to say that your post has made me appreciate my dr on an entirely new level. He is a HE and he is an older HE, but he is very open to all options and works regularly with doulas. I didn’t have to have my hands tied down and didn’t feel a thing during my surgery. I had the option to nurse while they sewed me up, but was began to shake and thought the quiet of the recovery room would be the best spot for me. The spinal was painful, but the recovery was a breeze for me. My c section was really an amazing experience. It was not what I wanted, but I was able to make it was I needed it to be. We are making plans for a VBAC this time around, but having had such a good c section previous to this, I’m ok if the VBAC doesn’t work out. I think hindsight is 20/20 and no two people are the same, I just wish that patients and doctors to work a little harder to make c sections better situations. I really had a beautiful c section and I think 75% of that was due to the amazing relationship I have with my dr.
All of that being said, congratulation on your new sweet girl. You did it and you still are. Amazing job!

Meagan @megs7827 December 4, 2012 at 3:53 pm

So there are like 800 comments to go through and I read most of them to make sure 38 people didn’t tell you already but the little joys link doesn’t work. Want ap to get her credit! Please tell me she’s going to do newborn lifestyle pics for you!

Lauren @ T&G December 4, 2012 at 7:25 pm

First of all, I loved reading this and your children are beautiful. Even though I didn’t have a csection, hearing your thoughts about your first birth experience and your hopes for this one greatly influenced my own birth plan. Also, we seriously considered Lincoln for our son, but landed on Henry.

Now… I am not sharing this as a consolation to your csection, but I just wanted to compare notes. At 10 days overdue (3cm/80% for almost a month but he never budged), they induced me and I had a gigantic baby that was 9lb6oz. (I am a much bigger person than you, and my L/D nurse told me I had a “mack truck pelvis.” thanks?). So first of all, like most babies that are overdue, he passed meconium which meant he would have to be handed off right away to get all the poop out of his lungs. And because he was so huge, he tore my shit up. As in I was being sewn back together for over 30 minutes and lost a ton of blood (for this, I am extremely thankful I had an epidural). So I didn’t get him on my chest right away, nor did I get to hold him for over 30 minutes. And omg, the recovery was hell. I’ve read about hippies that have homebirths then go to target with their baby six hours later. I couldn’t stand up straight or hardly walk for about 10 days. My vag was hanging half way down my leg for 48 hours from being so swollen… It was horrific, and my husband saw everything. So my birth plan may as well have been used to soak up amniotic fluid off the floor. The only thing on there that happened was that we spelled all of our names correctly. I somehow don’t really have any regrets about how it all played out, and I attribute this to the crazy adrenaline rush you get from pushing the baby out. I was so drugged up on my own hormones that it was a blur and it didn’t feel like I was “waiting” to hold him… and I would say that is the part that makes the biggest difference in the whole experience. I was rooting for you this entire pregnancy, and it’s just straight up unfair when you or anyone doesn’t get the birth they hoped for. I complain about everything, so I am right there with you about the loss you may feel. But seriously, G’s cuteness somehow almost seems to make up for it.

Christina December 7, 2012 at 12:22 pm

SHUT UP! My little monster baby was born October 30th and we named her Isla James! I love your blog and am constantly quoting it to my husband so it would have been totally crazy if G had picked Lila James outta that hat. Great minds, eh? Congrats on Ruby Lee! She is gorgeous!

Stephanie December 23, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Congrats on your new beautiful baby. You seem like such a kick ass mom. I just discovered your blogs while lying in bed , sick as hell with my 5th child. I was trying to keep my mind else where and your blogs proved to be just what I needed at the time.

I love your honesty. I think it is wonderful that some women experience a blissful pregnancy with no pains, no vomiting , no constipation or lack of energy but that has not EVER been my case and your honesty is refreshing.

I am having a terrible time with the nausea and vomiting ( along with other not so pleasant symptoms) and feel as though I am being tortured as well as like I am torturing my 4 kiddos cause I am sick and lying down always. I just was released a wk ago from a 5 day stay in the hospital with a kidney infection. Any pointers on how to survive this pregancy and how to not ruin my other kiddos lifes in the promise. I am only 13wks so I have a long way to go. I am seriously thinking this HAS to be the last baby which breaks my heart. HELP

Previous post:

Next post: