knocked up, small beings

Ruby Lee’s birth Part 2

November 28, 2012

They had me walk back to surgery with the stupid hospital gown that opens in the back that I had to hold shut so my ass didn’t hang out. I hate that. It was time for the spinal.

Everyone says how scary this part it but it was no big deal to me. I barely felt the needle in my back. What I did feel was numbness. But not totally  numb. Like you still feel stuff. And you just keep thinking that soon there will be a knife. And I’m thinking I DON’T WANT TO FEEL A KNIFE. But they tell me that the way it works is you feel pressure and touch but not pain. And I had to put some serious trust in that sentence.

B comes in and sits by me. And B is ON IT. I later find out that my doula had a talk with him telling him to be super supportive and encouraging. And he was. He was all “you can do this.” “You’re doing great”. Meanwhile I’m laying half dead on a table doing absolutely nothing. But it helped. It really helped.

And they begin.

And I feel it. I don’t feel pain. But I feel it. I feel pushing and clicks and moving and things and pressure. And I’m thinking, just get the baby out. How long could this take? Cut the skin and stuff then baby out. But it goes on for a while. And it’s starting to get really uncomfortable. And then they tell me I’m about to feel all the air go out of my lungs. Super. And boy do they mean it. They literally had to push on my chest to get the baby out. Many times. It was awful.

About 30 minutes goes by. The shaking started. And yes, my hands were tied down. And the curtain was up, right in my face, almost touching my nose. But the shaking is something that happened with my last c-section. It’s a reaction to the spinal. And at that moment I was grateful that my hands were tied down. Talk about being wrong about something. I couldn’t control my hands and needed them away.

My midwife is checking in, she’s taking pictures and video. And she tells me that she’s big. The baby is very very big. And it’s taking longer to get her out. And after a few more lung pushes, she’s out. And she cries right away. And B and I cry right away. Because that didn’t happen with G. We waited eternal minutes to hear him cry. But she was here, and big and loud and healthy. And B is telling me how beautiful she is. And we’re happy.

And they brought her over to show me. But then they took her away. They did take her away to be checked out, measured, weighed all that nonsense. Yes in a perfect world I would have loved to have her there with me and all that bullshit done right there. And it was a long time before I had her back. It was about a half hour as they put me back together. But as soon as she was out, they untied my hands. And B brought her to me and I could hold her.

I held her and touched her. I couldn’t have skin to skin contact and I couldn’t breastfeed. But at that moment I was still scared. My guts were lying on this table open and I could feel it all still. And it’s very scary and overwhelming. I was still shaking and I just wanted to be out of that room, with my baby. And you can see it in my face in these pictures. I’m unsure of everything, I’m uncomfortable and I’m in a situation that I never thought I’d be in again. It honestly hasn’t even registered that I have my baby.

And then I was out. And my doula was there with a huge smile and encouragement and I needed that.


Because as I tried to breastfeed my baby, every time I looked down, I vomited. And trying to breastfeed without looking down is like not possible. So this picture? It looks like I’m really emotional about having a new baby. And after this moment, I’ll claim that’s exactly what it is. But this picture is pure pain from vomiting. And that’s the truth.

So why didn’t I go into labor on my own? Why didn’t I dilate at all? The head was never engaged. The head was large, my pelvis was small and it just never got down in there to open me up for labor. And if we waited, the baby would have kept growing. I don’t know if there wasn’t some crazy way that I could have made the head drop down, but I tried everything and I don’t want to think about what I could have done. I want to think about moving on.

Ruby Red.

Part 3 to follow with lots and lots of pictures and super smart final thoughts.





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  • Jessica November 29, 2012 at 10:36 am

    I am in love with the picture of her with her lip out. She is adorable.

  • Leyna November 29, 2012 at 10:37 am

    Tears. I appreciate your honesty so very much. And, truly, if I don’t get my VBAC in 2 months I’ll learn to be at peace with it and you will have had a huge role in helping me get to that place. Ruby is beautiful, and so are your words.

  • Julie November 29, 2012 at 10:37 am

    You’re so brave, so strong. That little beauty and her big brother are SO incredibly fortunate to have such an amazing Mama.

  • Kelly November 29, 2012 at 10:38 am

    Congrats mama! She’s here healthy and that’s all that matters. Birth is such a head game. My DD was born the 21st and I too had to throw my natural birth plan out the window after I started throwing up with every contraction. Anyways, best of luck on beautiful Ruby Lee.

  • Lisa November 29, 2012 at 10:39 am

    OMG love that very first picture of her with the pouty lip! That’s adorable!

  • Aida November 29, 2012 at 10:39 am

    AWWW I love her pouty lip in that first picture. SO CUTE!

  • Tracie November 29, 2012 at 10:41 am

    That picture of her coming out, grumpy face and all, is the best ever.

  • KatieB November 29, 2012 at 10:41 am

    So glad little (big!) Ruby was able to be delivered safely! Who knows how horrible an experience it could have been if she’d kept on growing! I love her sweet pouty face! She didn’t seem too thrilled at that moment 😉 haha

  • Kim @ The Bird's Nest November 29, 2012 at 10:44 am

    She is beautiful and so are you in these pictures. I’m sorry your c-section was less than pleasant. I had one, too, so I know what you mean. And I agree about the relief you feel when the baby cries immediately after coming out.

  • Ashlee November 29, 2012 at 10:44 am

    Amanda, you are so brave and I just love your ability to come to your blog and just lay it out there; all of your real emotions. It’s truly inspiring for anyone going through these same struggles in their pregnancy and lord help me if I end up have a C-section this time I’ll have you in the back of my head comforting me! You’re a strong woman and a great Mother. Thank you for sharing this story of Ruby, I can’t wait for part 3!!! RUBY IS SO BEAUTIFUL! I seriously cannot get enough of her squishy little face! :) much love to you and your tribe!

  • zoe November 29, 2012 at 10:45 am

    Yay!!! Well done for getting through all that!! Sounds like B, your doula and your midwife were a good team. Hope the pain is getting better.

  • Kayla K. November 29, 2012 at 10:47 am

    She seems to be at peace, saying “Om” in her cute picture there!

  • AmyIrene November 29, 2012 at 10:47 am

    Ohhhh, that first picture. What is it about black and white? That picture is timeless and perfect and deserves awards. Your Ruby is something special.

  • MommaM November 29, 2012 at 10:48 am

    She is absolutely amazing. Congratulations!! I can’t wait to read part 3!!

  • Danielle November 29, 2012 at 10:51 am

    OMG HER LIP!! What an absolutely touching birth story. Way to go momma! You did it!!! She’s perfect and you’re just as beautiful as ever!!!

  • Bethany November 29, 2012 at 10:52 am

    look at that beautiful, sweet girl! perfection!

  • Vodka Logic November 29, 2012 at 10:52 am

    Gorgeous baby, Love the pout, get used to it, girls do it a lot. (mine are 18 and 23).
    I hope you never feel “guilty” for having a c section, be lucky for modern science and you and your babies are fine.

    Enjoy them. I literally blinked and they grew up on me.

  • Lydia November 29, 2012 at 10:52 am

    The lips – the LIPS!! The pout in the first picture is killing me. She looks in the last picture like she’s telling us to rock on. Go ahead, Ruby Lee! Welcome to the world, sweet baby girl!

  • Miranda (Not Super...Just Mom) November 29, 2012 at 10:54 am

    I suspect you’re not a hugger, but I kind of want to give you a hug. Or a fist-bump or something. Something to say that you’re not the only person who’s felt like that during a c-section. Something that says thanks for sharing a raw and honest experience in a very real way. And something to say that it’s okay to feel however you feel now that it’s over and that if those emotions range from “yay, beautiful baby!” to “fuck. this sucks.” that’s cool.

    Also, Ruby’s beautiful. And probably full of attitude. Girl babies just come out that way.

  • sue diamond-phillips November 29, 2012 at 10:57 am

    She is adorable – the picture with the pout! Ohmyworrrd. Amazing. I’m so sorry things didn’t go even as planned…but i love that you are writing the story & being all real and whatnot. I’m glad they’re there (ish), but hospitals & Dr.’s suck sometimes. I can’t wait for part 3!!

  • Sherrie November 29, 2012 at 10:57 am

    I was terrified each time of being able to feel the cutting. The first time my doctor was chomping at the bit because baby was in distress to get out and the meds weren’t working like they should. The second time, I was completely numb, but it was horrible to know what was coming. The pulling, the yanking, the smells, the sounds, the shaking–I didn’t remember from the first time (must have blocked it out as it had been nine years). It was awful, but I think the amount of time to close everything up was worse. 45 minutes of freezing cold with a sick baby in the NICU. UGH. I <3 the picture of Ruby Lee just out of the womb! Adorable. My favorite picture of my dd was when the doctor held her up in the air Lion King style for me to see her and my doula snapped a terrific shot. Frozen in my head FOREVER! Congrats again. Thanks for having the strength to share your journey.

  • Kari November 29, 2012 at 11:00 am

    Thank you for sharing all of this….seriously. It’s hard to accept & describe how your recent entries have touched me. They have. Thank you.

    And HUGE congratulations, again, on beautiful Ruby Lee.

  • November 29, 2012 at 11:02 am

    She’s a beaute, MODG.

  • Liz November 29, 2012 at 11:07 am

    OMG, her face in that first picture is absolutely PRICELESS! I love it! First of many pouty faces I’m sure! She’s beautiful :-)

  • Mrs. Plank November 29, 2012 at 11:10 am

    She looks JUST like you. I love her pouty lip in the first pic. Congrats!!!!!! You seem to be dealing really well with it all. Keep on keepin’ on sister. And tell her that the internets love her, which is important. 😉

  • Ashley November 29, 2012 at 11:11 am

    She’s beautiful! Thanks for sharing your story.

  • Mollie November 29, 2012 at 11:11 am

    Thank you for being so honest with us, your readers. You’re going to help someone in the future when she’s going through this. She she’s going to be all, “Hey! MODG did it! And she was honest and told me what to expect, for real.”

    … and oh my god, the pouty. I’m in love.

  • Krysta November 29, 2012 at 11:12 am

    Congratulations! Not gonna lie, C-section sounds very very scary (I guess I had never really heard it described before). I’ve had surgery once and nearly hyperventilated when they carted me into the OR and I was being put under so I can’t even imagine what you felt being awake for it. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. Little Ruby Lee is so beautiful!

  • Jessica November 29, 2012 at 11:13 am

    “I don’t want to think about what I could have done, I want to think about moving on.” I live these wise words, MODG. can’t wait for more!

  • Chelsa November 29, 2012 at 11:13 am

    You did amaze-balls! She is just too much! I remember the shakes well from my first c-section and am dreading them again for my second (coming December 31). And the sad face pciture of your beautiful Ruby… TO. DIE. FOR. Good work mama.

  • Chrissy November 29, 2012 at 11:14 am

    As a veteran of 3 undesired but inevitable c-sections (I swear…I would not have lived through the birth of my first son….he was enormous and I am not)….I have come to one conclusion. The end game is all that matters and that baby girl is one damn fine end game. She is healthy and strong and one day this will all be a colorful and awful memory that seems very distant. I swear on a stack of J. Crew sweaters. Until then everyone is praying for you and lighting candles for you (if you want :) and thinking really good thoughts for you because you have been through the fire and come out the other side. My third c section was highly traumatic and I know whereof I speak.
    Ever think life is conspiring to show us how strong we actually are? I do.

  • Halley November 29, 2012 at 11:15 am

    The picture with her pouty lip is amazing. She is so gorgeous.

  • Janet November 29, 2012 at 11:16 am

    You are strong and amazing – you did a fabulous job! Ruby is absolutely gorgeous and perfect and, of course, radiates pink sparkles.

  • Liz November 29, 2012 at 11:18 am

    What a beautiful little girl!!! I had a C-section when I had my twin boys and was puking and miserable and just watching everyone handle my boys while I was completly miserable BUT they came out healthy and happy and I guess that is what important! Hope you heal SUPER fast and are able to enjoy sweet Ruby!!!

  • Mary November 29, 2012 at 11:19 am

    She’s so pretty! Love that pout!
    Try to focus on that evidence that you needed a C section. And thank God we live in a time where that surgery is possible. You did everything you could, and that’s all she wants from her mom. Wishing you speedy healing and lots of love.

  • Shannon November 29, 2012 at 11:20 am

    First of all she is just precious!

    Second this sounds similar to my Csection though mine was an emergency one after several hours of labor. I got the shakes after the initial epidural for a good 45 minutes. I could feel them cutting into me and had to be knocked out and missed the birth (which I’m still really upset about) and afterwards was so nauseous and sick from all the mediciation and anathesia that I could hardly nurse as well because I was afraid of vomiting on the baby. And puking after a Csection is basically hell. So I get it. Unfortunately. And this is also why I’m terrified to have another Csection.

    But like you, I have a beautiful baby who made every second of it worth it. And hopefully you are more at peace knowing that the Csection really did seem to be the only way to get her out safetly.

    Can’t wait for Part 3!

  • Gonza November 29, 2012 at 11:21 am

    Got teary eyed on this one! Looking forward to Part 3. Ruby is one lucky Lady and so very precious!!!!

  • linka72 November 29, 2012 at 11:21 am

    That 1st picture of Miss Ruby is my FAVORITE baby picture ever!!! (don’t tell my little girl :) )

  • gonza56 November 29, 2012 at 11:22 am

    Got teary eyed on this one. Can’t wait for Part 3 and Ruby is one lucky Lady and super precious!

  • demi November 29, 2012 at 11:22 am

    ahh she so BEAUTIFUL!! and that first black and white pic with that little frown?!! ADORBS. You are such a great writer, I can feel your emotions through every word. I can’t wait till the final installment! Congrats again hon!! xo

  • gonzales November 29, 2012 at 11:25 am

    Got teary eyed on this one! Can’t wait for Part 3 and the black and white photo is so priceless. Ruby is one luck Lady and super precious!!!!

  • Claire November 29, 2012 at 11:26 am

    Now I understand why I wouldn’t wish c-section to anyone :-( the puking post-cesarean alone would have made me blue! (((((HUGS))))) to you.

    Can’t wait for the next installment!

  • Heather November 29, 2012 at 11:27 am

    She’s beautiful! So glad that you had B, doula, and midwife for support! And glad to see the honesty about throwing up. My epidural made me throw up and my husband had to hold a bed pan for me every time. So yay for husbands and boo for nausea. But most importantly, thank goodness Ruby is here and healthy and you seem to be dealing with the C-section disappointment in an incredibly admirable (and wonderfully snarky) fashion. I don’t know you personally, but still, I’m proud of you. Can’t wait for the Part III!

  • Sarah J November 29, 2012 at 11:28 am

    That first photo? AMAZING. Oh my goodness lady congrats a million times on your baby and your bravery and grace (yes, grace) and everything.

  • Katie E. November 29, 2012 at 11:30 am

    She is just precious, especially with her post birth baby pout!

  • Kate November 29, 2012 at 11:33 am

    She’s gorgeous.

  • Chris November 29, 2012 at 11:35 am

    I have never had a c section, but your very moving account makes me understand what it must be like. You are brave and wonderful and I am so moved by your story. Congratulations on being so courageous, I seriously have chills. And your daughter is so very very beautiful and may she have your penchant for amazing storytelling one day.

  • Jen H November 29, 2012 at 11:36 am

    You owe me some mascara because mine is all over my face/blazer/desk now. Rude.

    I too had a c-section…Gigantic kid (doc called him Godzilla Baby-pretty sure that wasn’t covered in Med School), small frame…I never dilated, head never engaged…just happens I guess.
    You did great and I’m so proud! Hoping for a speedy recovery for you.

  • Amanda November 29, 2012 at 11:36 am

    She is absolutely beautiful! Congratulations to you guys. Your family is gorgeous and you are a tremendous mommy.

  • heather November 29, 2012 at 11:50 am

    Love this. So raw and beautiful. And Ruby is one gorgeous babe. Super sparkly congrats with jazz hands!!

  • Clarissa November 29, 2012 at 11:50 am

    She is beautiful, and you did awesome, mama!

  • Meg November 29, 2012 at 11:53 am

    She is absolutely perfect! That first picture with her little pout… so adorable!!! I hope you’re feeling better now and healing as quickly and painless as possible.

  • H November 29, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    I love the first photo with her looking up at the nurse with a scowl on her face and her lip stuck out. Adorable!!! Good job, mama. I know the heartache of not delivering the way you want but it does fade. Someday it won’t matter how she was born, just that’s precious and healthy and yours. ((hugs))

  • Gini November 29, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE that adorable pout with her legs all askew! She’s beautiful, MODG– congratulations to your family of FOUR!

  • Rach November 29, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    She is just wonderful!! Just absolutely beautifully perfect. You can already tell that she looks like her momma!!

    That sounds like I’m hitting on you. Probably not what you need right now! 😉

    Regardless of the way Ruby arrived, I hope you feel all the support and love from your massive Internets cheering section! We’re all on Team MODG-and-fam… so happy for you!

  • Amanda @ Living on Grace November 29, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    i’m really enjoying your honesty…and i really appreciate your wise words, “I don’t want to think about what I could have done, I want to think about moving on.”

    cheers to that.

  • Sara November 29, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    She is absolutely beautiful and you’re strength is truly palpable. Proud to share the title “mother” with such a courageous lady!

  • Amanda @ Living on Grace November 29, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    love reading this, thanks for your honesty. the last line, “I don’t want to think about what I could have done, I want to think about moving on” is awesome. we all need a little more of that in our lives.


  • Leslie [MsMagpieWrites] November 29, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    It’s really amazing that you’re able to put this all out there on the internet, after everything you’ve gone through. I can’t wait for Part 3.

  • Autumn November 29, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    Her face in the first picture is absolutely precious! I know it certainly did not go the way you wanted, But you are an amazing mother and woman. Congratulations.

  • Malaya November 29, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    “…And if we waited, the baby would have kept growing.”

    I seriously laughed out loud when I read this, because I totally thought about the post from a few weeks back about growing a 29 year old Khloe Kardashian inside of you. Hah!

    Ruby Lee is beautiful! That pout is seriously adorable, and she will seriously have B wrapped around her little finger in no time! Congratulations again!

  • tara November 29, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    I just started crying reading this. Such beautiful pictures. All so sweet!

    The first one with Ruby looks like she’s pouting. So awesome.

    Congratulations MODG, so happy you have your beautiful baby girl.

  • TheReset November 29, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    That first picture is like, the best newborn picture of all time.

  • Bree C November 29, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    I had a scheduled C-section for my breech baby 7 months ago, and it truly is the most terrifying thing I have ever been through. I’m pretty sure I suffered (and still suffer ) from PTSD and it made it very hard to bond with my son for a good 2 months. Wish things could have gone differently for us both, but our babies are here and they are beautiful. Ruby is so lovely!

  • Teresa November 29, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    First of all, I love the name Ruby! And second of all, that first picture, the black and white…. how amazingly adorable is that lip sticking out!!!! So cute!

  • Corrinna November 29, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    YAY!! The first picture of her pouting with her lip out is priceless and a sign of more to come. Having a lil girl is definately different, awesome, but different. Can’t wait to part 3.

  • Leigh November 29, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    So many congrats to you and your family! I am so happy for you. My son was measuring large all through the pregnancy, incl. some concern about the ventricles in his head that turned out to be meaningless. I had a scheduled c-section for different health reasons, but when my OB opened me up, the cord was around his neck, the meconium was there, and his head is 95th percentile for size. She concluded that it was just as well I had the c-section, and though I’m sure many would debate her, I am relieved I didn’t push that giant head through my pelvis, especially considering pelvic prolapse runs in my family!!

    All the best to you, hope everything is going relatively well.

  • Jessica November 29, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    Beautiful. I still love your “pain from vomiting” picture. :)

  • tara November 29, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    I love the first picture of Ruby where she’s pouting! So cute.

  • s November 29, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    I just have to say that the black and white picture of the little cutie POUTING is the cutest thing ever. She probably had a whole Girl Cave set up in there which is why she wasn’t budging – and that’s why she’s pouting in the picture. OMG so cute.

  • Natalia November 29, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    The little pout in the first pic…I can’t! Adorable. Your midwife took some great pics. Can’t wait for part 3.

  • Annie November 29, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    Oh, congratulations! So much! I am very sorry that it was so uncomfortable for you–that is a misery, and it’s awful, and you completely deserve to hate that. So hate away on that. But Ruby is just a lovely, lovely child, and I’m delighted for you. Her big pouty lips in that first picture are the sweetest, and I will continue to think that you are overcome with emotion in that pic of you holding her. (even if it isn’t exactly true…but you were overcome. Just with something else) So, sympathy for the bad parts, and joy for the good baby!!


  • Jen November 29, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    GAH, she is SO cute.

  • Jessica November 29, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    I’m crying reading this post because I was in this exact situation. You describe a c section with such detail, I feel it all over again. The tugging, the pushing, the shaking, the vomiting. All of it happened to me too. You’re not alone friend, we made it. We’re parents. We couldn’t control their birth, but we can control their future.

    She’s perfect and beautiful and you are amazing.

    Sorry to get all mushy. I just get it. :)

  • Karen November 29, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    I’m glad you are moving forward. It’s clear that you were just too tiny for that extra large baby! I hope you see that just because some things are out of your control doesn’t mean that they aren’t going the way that they should. Your body knows best and it knew it couldn’t do it. Everything happens for a reason.

  • Veralynn @ Joie de V November 29, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    I’m so glad you had all your people around you during the birth. It sounds like your doula was so encouraging, and as a doula-in-training myself it’s so great for me to see just how important the role is in a birth- no matter if the baby arrives through the window or the door.

    Also, for a millisecond I thought B was wearing a bandana. I can’t even imagine how that would’ve gone down.

  • Hillary November 29, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    I absolutely LOVE Ruby’s pout in the first picture. I love that you are brave enough to share the truth. No matter how she got here, she made it and she is beautiful.

  • Molly November 29, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing this. I was able to have a semi-“natural” lady chute birth, but I was a few steps away from needing a c-section by the end. I was terrified. Terrified before labor, terrified when I needed induction, & still terrified after at the thought if needing one with my hypothetical next child.
    But while reading this part 2, I actually thought: “I could have a c-section & be okay.” If MODG can find some peace there, I could. I’m not terrified anymore. I’m not hoping for one in the future, but if life takes me down a different path I’m glad I got to hear your story because I know it can be okay, even when it’s not okay (does that make sense? No? Ok.)
    Another lesson I learned from you for future maybe child? Full hair & makeup! You look fantastic!

  • KamiKaze November 29, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    Oh that pic of Ruby all frownie is so cute! Can’t wait for the third installment!

  • Stephanie November 29, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    I love the vomit face picture because she’s totally looking at you like, “hi mom, what’s wrong?”

  • Carly November 29, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    These pictures are amazing! What a gift.

    MODG- would you be willing to do a post about having both a doula and a midwife? And the differences, in your opinion? I am in the early stages of researching all these things and would love your opinion and experience. And maybe more of how they all interested with the doctors, nurses, etc? I am just curious about it all, and if it matters depending on where you plan on giving birth (hospital, home, etc). Thanks!

  • Katia November 29, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    Congratulations again. I’ve never discussed with any of my friends the c-sections that they had so I had only a vague idea of how this all went down. Reading this I was identifying with you. At the beginning of my second pregnancy I had to have a surgery with local anaesthesia and I could feel almost everything that was going on. This reminded me a lot of that experience. It’s great that you are ready to move on, from looking at her I can tell she’s the kind of baby who makes you want to get better quickly so you can spend every minute with her. Hopefully big brother is adjusting to the new reality as well :-)

  • Susan November 29, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    LOVE the pouty look from Ruby…like “WTH just happened here???” 😉

    I hate that it the birth went the way it did for you….but LOVE that you are moving forward!!!

    What a precious family you have!

    Susan from GA

  • kat November 29, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    i’m so glad it all had a happy ending.

  • april November 29, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    thank you for sharing all of this…you are a brave mama and have already gone through so much. Ruby is beyond gorgeous and I love that first picture…she is like “but I don’t waaant to come out, I was comfy in there!” Praying for you for a speedy recovery :)

  • Andi November 29, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    Ruby is beautiful just like her mama!

    Can’t wait for more!

  • Diddy Bop November 29, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    Congratulations to you and your family. Little Ruby is beautiful. And apparently very fancy with her pinkies out

  • ACote November 29, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    It is just recently that I learned about your blog- and the timing is perfect. I had an emergency C-section 10 months ago with my little boy after countless hours in labor. In the few mins between when the doctor told me we couldn’t wait and I needed a section and when I was taken in for the surgery, I tried to think back to all the words of wisdom- including asking for skin to skin even after a section. I didn’t get that skin to skin contact until around an hour after delivery- and I have felt a sense of remorse for not having that moment. Until now, I haven’t been able to put into spoken words how I felt about the whole experience, and have relied on knowing that I have a healthy baby boy. But your posts leading up to Ruby’s birth and now your experience have helped to give words to what I felt and have been feeling.

    Thank you for your honesty- and congratulations!

  • Erin T. November 29, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    Your baby girl is absolutely gorgeous. She looks to be perfect in every way. Congratulations.

  • Mary November 29, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    I had the shakes after my epidural and it was the worst. So sorry you had to go through that. But the picture with Ruby sticking her little lower lip out is the cutest thing ever. Can’t wait for part 3!

  • Elizabeth November 29, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    I’m glad that you’re so honest about how much a csection sucks!! I hate hearing stories about how easy and beautiful csections can be. I just can’t relate to that, and mine wasn’t even complicated or extremely painful. But it’s scary and not the way I had envisioned my birth. How can you have a major surgery and not have anxiety and fear?! Thanks for being real about it!!

  • mommylisa November 29, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    OMG she is SO BEAUTIFUL!!! And I LOVE that name – it was vetoed by hubby. Love it and you did AWESOME.

  • Cole November 29, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    Did you have these photos taken by the Doula? What kind of camera! They are PRECIOUS! She’s gorgeous, looks like G!! Congrats again! She’s finally here….sending you lots of Cereal marshmellows and pink glitter your way! xox

  • Jimaie November 29, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    Ruby is perfect and gorgeous and you are just so brave. Your writing is amazing & has me feeling like I’m write there with you… That first b&w pouty face picture of her just melts me!

  • Kristen S November 29, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    First of all, she is absolutely beautiful! You are truly blessed!

    Secondly, what kind of camera do you use?!?! Those pictures are amazing! Wish I had some like that from my daughters birth.

  • Maria November 29, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    She is gorgeous! Good job mama!

  • jp November 29, 2012 at 6:13 pm

    I instinctively kissed my screen when I saw you figured out why baby had to come the way she came. Way to go! Life is meant to be lived forward and understood backward. Beautiful baby. Beautiful puke face.

  • Karen November 29, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    MODG, you’re going to get endless comments on this but I have to say it too: thank you. Thank you so much for explaining your experience (before and after) with a c-section and how you felt about it. I had a vaginal delivery and have/had no idea what all goes into a c-section (well, and I don’t really know what happens in a vag one either… I had a big learning curve at the hospital and have forgotten a lot). You’ve helped to fully reinforce my decision to have a doula/midwife for the next one, now that I see how to utilize them.

    Anyway, I too felt rather disconnected from my newborn for the first few hours (days?) and it helps to hear others’ stories and fears about that. I didn’t get to hold my baby right away because I was too loopy and exhausted to use my arms, and it took close to an hour to expel the placenta and sew up my lady bits. Finally I realized I hadn’t held him yet (what is wrong with me?!) and made my mom hand him over. I guess my point to this paragraph is to say that shit gets out of hand in those delivery rooms, and it seems more common than not that emotional needs are pushed to the back, and that sucks.

    Congratulations on your beautiful girl. I love her name!

  • The Other Jen November 29, 2012 at 6:48 pm

    You know that feeling when you’re in the middle of a really good book/show and have to put it down to get back to reality? That’s how I felt this morning when I saw you had posted R’s birth story but I had to go teach the youth of America instead. This is so well written and I can only imagine all of the emotion that you felt that you didn’t put into words.

    Amanda, she is beyond lovely and I feel emotional just thinking of all of the stories yet to come of your beautiful family!



  • The Other Jen November 29, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    That pout photo…I just want to snuggle her!!

  • Amy November 29, 2012 at 7:01 pm

    Congrats mama! She is beautiful!

  • leslie November 29, 2012 at 7:13 pm

    she’s so so lovely! my mom had four sections; none of her kids ever “engaged” either. guess we were all too comfy. :) I have to believe that before we had the ability to do c-sections outcomes just wouldn’t have been as good for those pregnancies as they are today. so sorry you didn’t get the birth you hoped for, but so glad your baby is here and healthy now.

  • nikki November 29, 2012 at 8:25 pm

    Awww she’s so cute xD and I love that first picture It’s cute and hilarious in the best possible way ^_^

  • Stowed Stuff November 29, 2012 at 9:21 pm

    Ruh Roh. I love everything about this. What amazing photographs and what a gorgeous babe with a gorgeous name!!!!

  • my favorite and my best- MFAMB to you November 29, 2012 at 10:10 pm

    not cool.
    i am glad that you all are ok and healthy.
    ruby is beautiful. and your pukepain face makes me wanna cry.

    p.s. i had those shakes too and they are horrible.
    but the description of the pushing on the lungs and all that…sounds just awful. so so sorry.

  • Christy W. November 29, 2012 at 11:22 pm

    She’s just so beautiful! Congrats!!!

  • colleen November 29, 2012 at 11:43 pm

    damn. if this didn’t scare me about c-sections. it makes me even more in awe of you and others like you who go through this – as a very full grown kid learning more about what my mother did to bring me into this word makes me feel so in debt to her. i can’t wait to read the third part, and i’m so glad you are slowly recovering and hopefully not vomiting anymore – you are truly an inspiration modg.

  • Laura November 30, 2012 at 12:41 am

    I love all the precious photos! And all the honesty. I’d be shitting my pants too, glad to hear I’m not the only one!

  • Nikki V November 30, 2012 at 1:12 am

    She is BEAUTIFUL! I especially love picture of her and her pouty lip right after she was born. Good Job Mama!!

  • Valerie November 30, 2012 at 9:17 am

    woah. If I wasn’t scared enough of having a c-section now I am officially petrified.

  • Abigail November 30, 2012 at 11:51 am

    I’m a reader who has never comented before but I just have this strong urge to virtually hug you after reading this. It made me weepy and I feel so much for you and what you went through. I’m so sorry it wasn’t as comforting and comfortable as you dreamed but Ruby such a beautiful little one! Congratulations to your family :)

  • colleen November 30, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    the photo of her pouting is amazing – like crazy amazing picture of the year worthy. and what you went through…damn. it’s true – i can’t believe women elect to have c-sections after reading something like this. although i guess either way you have a baby you’re kind of screwed.

  • Katie January 31, 2013 at 9:03 pm

    Spinals are the WORST. I’ve had 4 (four!!!) c-sections (long story short – 10 days overdue with my first baby, 46 hours of labor, turns out I have a narrow pelvis. That’s enough labor for 4 babies thankyouverymuch.) Anyway, I had to have a spinal for the 2nd one and it was sooo much worse than my epidural for the first. Severe shaking, could feel everything the whole time, debilitating vomiting afterwards, (totally did the same thing as you – couldn’t look down to nurse without puking my guts out.) For the 3rd and 4th babies, I had to fight to have an epidural and I’m so glad I did! I had none of the terrible side-effects of the spinal! I wish they would give epidurals as an option for repeat c-sections but they almost always push for the spinal.

    Ok, done rambling! So happy for you and your beautiful family! The pouting picture of Ruby is pretty much my favorite thing ever. Blessings to you!