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Sure, I’ll walk you through my week of crazy. What else do I have to do at 4am?

November 14, 2012

It’s 4am. East coast time. A time where no one should be awake that doesn’t have a screaming baby or a screaming uterus. I have neither so far.

Because I’m tricky, you probably think I’m all zen about this whole birth thing now. You know, with that last touching baby letter that I wrote and everything. Don’t get me wrong, I meant it all. But am I totally surrendering to what could be in store for my vagina and/or my uterus? No. In fact, I’m currently at peak crazy. I’m considering holing up in my closet like a cat about to give birth. I think it would be best for everyone.

Let me take you through this week.

Wednesday: Find out that I’m effaced and not dilated. Act happy about this.

Thursday: Walk the mall. Twice. Make a deal with myself that I can not go into a store until this task is complete. Go into a store. Buy a sweater. Feel better about life and the world.

Friday: Cry. All day. Why why why? Waiting every morning for lots of poop. That’s what they tell me is the start. Think that “this is it” at every braxton hicks. It’s not. Curse out B in my head for not understanding anything ever. Drink 3 gallons of red raspberry leaf tea.

Saturday: Stare at the wall all day. Break out the ol’ hypnobabies (which I swore I’d never do again). Pretend to be more zen. Convince myself that my baby was waiting for me to be zen. REALLY try to be zen. Tell everyone how zen I am. Scream at people I’M SO ZEN YOU ASSHOLE.

Sunday: Go on a nature walk with G and B. Feel better for the first time in days. Don’t cry for the first time in days. Feel happy with my family and life. Maybe starting to feel zen? Acupressure the shit out of my feet and legs.

Monday: Go on a walk in the park alone. Sit by a tree. Talk to myself as I walk about the birth. Cry about nothing. Tell myself that “it’s ok if it isn’t perfect”. Meet up with my doula later who tells me “I’m the most zen she’s seen me” SEE I’M F-ING ZEN!

this is really from my walk. I took a picture to be all “this is my PATH”. I need my brain back.

Tuesday: Wake up crying. I’m zen, I should have had the baby. Have acupuncture with a white girl. She shoots electricity through the needles. Not really buying it. Wish she was Asian. Then find a lady bug in the bathroom. Convinced that it’s our baby with a message for us. Won’t let B kill it. This makes great sense to me.

just in case you thought I was kidding. xoxo bug.


Wednesday 3am: I’m awake. Telling my cervix to OPEN OPEN OPEN. I don’t think it’s listening. Can’t sleep. B is snoring. He doesn’t understand anything ever. Midwife appointment today. Time to overthink and stress about it. Time to beat myself up for stressing. Time to think “amanda this baby is not going to come if you keep stressing”. Stress about that thought. Eat cereal.

And here we are.

If there is a positive out of this situation, it’s that I’m convinced that all the interventions I did at home last time with my first pregnancy had zero shmero to do with my water breaking early. Because this baby is all PSH you’re not getting rid of me that easily.

This has been the most mentally challenging week of my life. That’s probably not true. But I’m saying it. I mean I am literally zoey zen at a damn tree in the woods one minute and regular brain freak Amanda the next minute sobbing into a bowl of nutella. I know that’s the story with pregnancy but this is certainly something my friends.

It’s sort of like when you are just starting to date that guy and you want him to call and you’re like “ok if I don’t stare at the phone, he’ll call” “and if I just act busy and blowdry my hair, he’ll call” “and then I have to just squeeze my voodoo doll with his face on it really tight and he’ll call”. You see what I’m saying. You’re brain gets wonked. You’ll do anything to create a scenario which you have no control over.

And that’s where I am. MODG vs Control. Where is Janet Jackson when you need her?

We have until Monday. Monday is my last day. How do I surrender to all of this? Birth is an experience that I’ve wanted to have my whole life. The kind of birth where you work hard and cry and scream and then it’s completely amazing and totally worth it because you are holding your baby and YOU DID IT. The kind of birth that doesn’t end in depression and scars.

But as the hippies tell me, all of this is to teach me something. And I need to be the willow in the wind (I mean can you get more hippie than that sentence?)

I find out today if I’m dilated and can have membranes swept. Life feels like it’s standing still.

Send me more nutella.


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  • Samantha W November 14, 2012 at 6:46 am

    Hang in there! You are doing great. I just had my vbac baby (September) and was doing the same dance as you, a week before my scheduled c-section. I alao had PROM with my last pregnancy, we didnt make it occur, they just decided to bust a hole in their fish bowls. Do you have/believe in chiropractic (specifically the webster technique)?I didn’t do it last pregnancy, but did it this one and I think it really helped getting labor started and having my vbac.

  • Sommer November 14, 2012 at 6:50 am

    I wish I knew what to say, but I don’t. My usual “everything happens for a reason” schpiel will only piss you off, you know?!? Since I am no help with words, I will just send you all the happy hippie vibes I can muster.

  • Kelly November 14, 2012 at 6:52 am

    Too true. I’m there with you. 2 days late and not so much as a Braxton hicks. Three sessions of acupuncture with the electric needles, shoving evening primrose up there ,all the tea I can drink, running uphill sprints on the treadmill… Good luck to you And yoshe!

  • Lauren November 14, 2012 at 7:02 am

    I’m with you. Also trying for a VBAC and my doctor literally told me yesterday that the baby was so far up he could feel my tonsils. I’m not sure what annoyed me more, but that’s definitely not what you want to hear.
    Good luck.

  • Annalisa November 14, 2012 at 7:04 am

    I have no advice other than I don’t like due dates. My first came early and now I am also waiting on baby #2 – haven’t hit the 40 week mark but passed baby #1’s arrival date. There’s also nothing to dilating/effacing – seriously that can all happen in labor. I’ve heard from a few women who were totally nothing, baby super high and delivered the next day.

    I am really trying to savor watching bad TV alone during my 18 mo. nap times even though I am anxious to get the show on the road too.

    I have nothing but cliche advice to add – relax, enjoy this time, this won’t even matter in a month or year from now, etc.

  • ItsHeatherRose November 14, 2012 at 7:06 am

    They say the longer the baby stays in the womb, the smarter the child will be. Maybe it’s small consolation, but at this point, you’re probably about to give birth to a (much prettier) female Einstein.

  • Selina Wallis November 14, 2012 at 7:14 am

    Hang on in there! My daughter was 10 days before my ‘due date’ and my son six days after!
    Have you tried and Spinning babies type stuff? I am a big advocate of that. I’m a doula and do an overdue session which involves-
    Rebovo sifting, inversion, pelvic release, bellydancing (esp hip drops and came walk), massage wth clary sage and acupressure. 20 mins FAST and VIGEROUS circles on birth ball.
    Sounds like walking in nature was helping you most…..
    Don’t despair if you can’t get a sweep, I have known women come back saying the midwife couldn’t reach their cervix it was so posterior (and remember you are effaced, thats great!) and be in laboir naturally that night!

  • Liz November 14, 2012 at 7:19 am

    I so feel for you. You just described the last 2 weeks and 6 days of my pregnancy. See, my doctor was the bitch who, at my 38 week checkup told me “any day now! In fact, I don’t expect that you will be here for your 39 week checkup. Evil bitch. I spent the next 4 days thinking every twinge was it, and then the next 4 days sobbing. Then I just gave up. At 40 weeks and 5 days, she swept my membranes, and finally, 5 hours later, the contractions started. I hope you can get yours swept today! It’s uncomfortable as all hell, but worth it! Oh, and you bleed quite a bit, so don’t freak!!

  • Kenya November 14, 2012 at 7:26 am

    Thinking of you! Xoxo,

  • Nicole M. November 14, 2012 at 7:34 am

    Reading this at 4 a.m. West coast time bc I am 34 weeks preg, uncomfortable and can’t sleep. Hang in there with my second I went to the doc at 40 weeks not dilated at all and then 16 hours later was in full blown labor! With my first I was 2 cm dilated for a month before my due date and still had to be induced. Point is try not to be discouraged! Good luck and hoping for contractions for you soon.

  • Jessica November 14, 2012 at 7:35 am

    No matter how yoshe is brought into this world, YOU DID IT: you created, grew, and carried her safely to term. Don’t lose sight of your awesomeness! Can’t wait to hear your good news!

    • Megan November 14, 2012 at 9:07 am

      TOTALLY. Giving birth is a huge accomplishment NO MATTER HOW IT HAPPENS. God, the waiting sucks though. Really, really, really.

  • erin November 14, 2012 at 7:37 am

    My two best pals weren’t dilated a bit and went into labor the next day. One was a vbac and was in your exact shoes – so it definitely happens. It won’t be the end of the world if you aren’t dilated today. Deep breaths.

  • Teresa November 14, 2012 at 7:44 am

    My second baby was crying-myself-to-sleep-every-night late. Not actually that late, but way past when the midwife was all “You’ll have a baby this weekend.” Not. Anyway, I went into labor the day after a midwife appointment, the appointment where we scheduled an induction for the next week and I got a cervical exam. It was Groundhog Day, so even though she looks nothing like a groundhog, my daughter is my own personal Punxatawney Phil. And just a laboring sidenote: neither of my labors started with my water breaking. My “bag of waters” was broken by my midwife when I was 8 cm with my daughter. The loss of the mucus plug and pooping where my labor indicators.
    So baby-watch 2012 sucks, but you’ll survive, have a daughter, and wonder why you were so crazy that one time. Good luck!

  • Aliya November 14, 2012 at 7:45 am

    So, I’m about to be brutally honest – as someone who had to have an Emergency C-Section with my first, and then forced to have a repeat C bc my babies were so close in age (a year apart exactly), I didn’t understand your obsession with wanting a VBAC. Well, I never really understood anyone’s obsession with the “Perfect Birth Plan” because in my head, I was all “if the baby is perfect, why does it matter how it got here?” I, too would have loved to have a “regular” birth and then the option of the VBAC, but those were luxuries not offered to me.

    So, basically I didn’t get it. In fact, felt sorry that you were spending these last few beautiful weeks of pregnancy crying and stressing and worrying instead of savoring those last kicks, soaking in your family of threeness, etc. But THEN, you wrote that one line above… How you’ve wanted to experience birth your whole life, and it was amazing and worth it because “YOU DID IT,” and now? I get it. I genuinely hope you can have the birth experience you’ve always dreamt of, for all of us who couldn’t. But if you can’t, don’t mourn the loss of your birth plan (that seems like such a waste of energy that could be spent online shopping or RHONYing instead!), instead, embrace your story, your finish line. Because in the long run, the birth experience is such a small part of this amazing life you’ve created. Best of luck to you.

    • Pickle November 14, 2012 at 8:53 am

      This is a beautiful comment.

      Hang in there, MODG!

    • kiki November 14, 2012 at 9:10 am

      “Because in the long run, the birth experience is such a small part of this amazing life you’ve created” –Yes. Yes. Yes!

      My advice — cover the young-ones eyes and ears — orgasm. Have B help, do it yourself, whatever. It did get things moving for me with my 2nd. :)

      Best of luck. Anyway she comes, YOU DID IT!

  • Amy L. November 14, 2012 at 7:47 am

    Hang in there! You are doing great. Have you pulled the “what got baby in will get baby out” card yet with B? :)

    • Tia November 14, 2012 at 9:07 am

      It worked for me. It’s was 12:30am the day I was due…we went to bed late. We decided to try and help things along, as we were told that sex is the magic get baby out potion. Well, 4 hours later, I was in labor, and my daughter was born on her due date. However, I was also doing a VBAC, but ended up having a repeat c-section. But, I can honestly say, despite the fact that it was also my dream to experience natural child birth, that I am more happy for a healthy, happy baby, than I am that I got my way. My true dream was healthy children. And that’s all that really matters to me in the long run. But, I was like you. I painted my kitchen, mowed the lawn, did everything short of roofing the week before she came. I understand being a crazy lady about getting that baby out. I think it’s worse knowing you have some sort of deadline, like if you don’t make your deadline you’ve somehow failed as a mother. I think all these “medical” timelines ruin it for us who really are doing everything in our power to have healthy births and happy families. Anyway, good luck to you. You’re doing a great job!

  • Annette November 14, 2012 at 7:47 am

    Sending LOTS of baby “get out and let your mama birth you!” love your way! :) Good luck with everything!!!!

  • Babyrocks November 14, 2012 at 7:48 am

    What happens if you just don’t go in Monday? I mean, they’re not going to come to your door and drag you in by your feet. If it really comes down to it, just keep going. Insist you get a stress test to ensure baby and uterus’ health, and keep going until you naturally start labor. They can’t turn you away, they can’t force you to lay there and be cut open… Don’t ever forget, you really are still in control and YOU HAVE AUTHORITY OVER EVERYTHING THEY DO!

    • Leyna November 14, 2012 at 8:27 am

      Exactly. What IF you don’t go in Monday?

  • Sid November 14, 2012 at 7:57 am

    Have you tried this?: http://www.milescircuit.com/

    My friend was almost 2 weeks past her due date when she tried this. She started to go into labor at about the 2nd element. I think it’s worth a try.

  • kate November 14, 2012 at 8:04 am

    Hang in there! Was overdue with both of my babies and I KNOW what a mindf*** it can be! I would go on walks and just crycrycry behind my sunglasses thinking about how damn unfair it all was. And then out of the blue, it happened each time. It WILL happen! You’ve got this!

  • Nicole November 14, 2012 at 8:07 am

    Ahh, i’m so sorry. Don’t worry, when it happens, it’s going to magical no matter what. I know the last week is tough…but soon you’ll be holding your baby girl in your arms, and you wont even remember all of this nonesence. Sending good ZEN sprinkles your way!

  • demi November 14, 2012 at 8:10 am

    just remember you won’t be preg forever hon! I went 2 weeks over with both of my babes…sometimes the due date is not as accurate as what the docs predict. xoxo

  • Michelle November 14, 2012 at 8:10 am

    Hey. I had a VBAC 3 months ago. I completely understand your desire for a normal birh experience. Trust that your baby knows when to come, mama. Bake cookies for the nurses. Start Christmas shopping. Do something to take your mind off the baby, and then she will be here before you know it :)

    Ps: My VBAC was amazing and yours will be, too!

  • Jones November 14, 2012 at 8:12 am

    Dammit. I am reading your blog for a while now and now I just want to hug you. Life’s a bitch but I’m sending positive energies from the Netherlands and hoping that Yoshe responds to that. I do know that sounds ultra hippie still maybe it will help?

  • Sue November 14, 2012 at 8:20 am

    8 days late with one pregnancy. It was not cute. It was dangerous for everyone. Finally got the membranes thing done which hurt like a mo-fo, then had sex, drank (yes.) hot sauce, then hot chocolate (ok i ate hot chocolate packs), then tried to watch that movie Domino. Then it happened. First time out of 5 i ever went into labor. Insane. Like a movie. It will happen for you! And then you’ll be all WHAT THE F WAS THAT. Vagina birth is like a massacre. A beautiful massacre…*puking* Hang in there babe, you’ll make it and have an awesome story to go along with it!

  • Tess November 14, 2012 at 8:36 am

    Ohmygoodness, this is my state up until my induction on exactly week 42, as far as my midwife (hospital setting) would let me go. I was all freaked out but the student midwife told me at one of my last appointments that others had the pain-med free birth even through an induction. She was a student! But I took that and ran with it and it got me through an induction without paid meds or a C-section, somehow. Thinking of you and wishing you all the best.

  • Lara November 14, 2012 at 8:46 am

    I know some of your pain. I wasn’t a vbac, but my first two pregnancies lead to my water breaking with zero contractions. I had to be induced, which meant stuck in the bed. I so wanted my third to be what I thought was normal. And I went past my due date, and the midwives talked everything from induction to c section. I was a mess, I walked endlessly, ate spicy food and pineapple. Nothing. I didn’t even realize I was in labor at 3 AM. And the midwife I called at 4 AM insisted I wasn’t. By the time we were all at the hospital I was for sure having that baby I had waited for and agonized over. And there were issues, but mostly it was exactly what I had wanted. All of this to say, it is hard. It’s stressful, and it can suck. But yoSHE really truly knows what she’s doing. So I wish you peace this week as you wait for your precious arrival.

  • A November 14, 2012 at 8:58 am

    Hang in there. It’s all downhill from here. I give you credit for sticking to your VBAC plan. So many people opt for a c-section the second time around just to have a set date and be done early. I had an emergency c-section with my second and if I ever (which isn’t happening) have another I would go for VBAC.

    There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Ha! Best of luck to you.

  • Nathalie November 14, 2012 at 8:58 am

    Fingers crossed for your VBAC!
    My sister-in-law’s 2nd baby was 10 days late! It was so hard for me to wait that long without hearing about the baby coming, so I can only imagine how hard it is when it’s your own baby… hang in there! Her labor finally started the night before her scheduled induction… so here’s hoping yours starts on its own too!

  • Sugar November 14, 2012 at 9:02 am

    Fried eggplant and sex. 5 friends did this and all 5 gave birth within 24 hours.

  • Meredith November 14, 2012 at 9:21 am

    I get that you want a vaginal delivery and I get that it’s upsetting and frustrating when you feel like things are out of your control and not necessarily going as “planned”. Ready for some honesty?? That’s life!!! You are spending so much time worrying, crying and feeling sorry for yourself – you’re missing out on everything around you! I find that people with very specific “birth plans” are always the most disappointed because things rarely go as planned. A repeat c-section has always been a very real possibility for you (as it will be for me), and I really hope that you don’t have to go that route and get the birth that you want, but if you do need another c/s – so what?? You’ll have a beautiful, healthy daughter and you’ll have done everything possible to avoid another section. I hate to think that this may continue past your birth and be a source of ongoing stress and depression once that lovely child is here. Please don’t continue to allow this to ruin the last few weeks of your pregnancy. You’ve been truly blessed with a healthy pregnancy that many others would envy. Enjoy it!!

    • Morgan November 14, 2012 at 10:02 am

      Meredith, its okay if you don’t get it… but MODG probably doesn’t need this kind of tough love right now. I’m pregs with #2 and while I had a ‘healthy’ vaginal birth #1, it still wasnt what i imagined (never had a “plan” so to speak, but somehow it wasn’t right) and afterwards dealt with serious PPD issues. It not rational and its certainly not something you can just “get over”, and I’m TERRIFIED of it happening again. Its proven having the bith you desire or dream of can greatly decrease the risk of PPD, and as MODG has so eloquently stated before “i’d give birth through my eye socket if it reduced that risk.” So, again its okay if you (or others) don’t understand, but telling someone to just “get over it” or “it doesn’t matter” only makes the guilt (and trust me, there is a WHOLE lotta guilt after birthing a beautiful baby and not feeling happy about it) worse.

      • Stef November 14, 2012 at 10:55 am

        This was really well written Morgan!!

        • Mary November 14, 2012 at 11:27 am

          I agree. I was lucky enough to have a vaginal birth, but it didn’t go as “planned” and was I was in a shitty place and treated poorly the entire time. It was traumatic and it has had a lasting impact on me that I am just starting to get over. She has every right to wish for and dream of her ideal birth without feeling guilty about it. Besides, her blog is her outlet, to get these feelings of frustration out, so she’s not holding them in, which can only help her. I appreciate her candor about what she’s going through.

          • Sara from No Purple Walls November 14, 2012 at 1:10 pm

            SAME SAME SAME. The last thing any verypreg wants to hear is to get over whatever is making them nuts at that point. And we all have something that makes us nuts at the end of pregnancy. I also had a c-section, and when your birth doesn’t go as planned, it can really screw you up during a lot of your first moments with your baby. I barely remember the first few hours of my baby’s life bc I was out of my mind from the anxiety of the cs, and they knocked my ass out as soon as he was born. It terrifies me when I think of having another baby and going through all that again. I hope that what happens is as close to the experience that MODG is hoping for as possible. I’m sure she is perfectly aware that it might not go as she wants. But what good is pooping all over her parade, especially when he parade is an anthropomorphic lady bug in her bathroom?

  • Lizzy November 14, 2012 at 9:38 am

    I so relate to this post… I was 11 days late and it was the hardest 11 days of my life. I planned a natural birth- really believed I could do it and after 33 hours and almost 4 hours of pushing, ended with a csection. I relate to all that stuff you wrote about really wanting that special delivery and birth – but I’ve finally come around to the fact that however your baby comes into the world- it doesn’t matter… what matters is having a healthy baby. Plus c-section babies are better looking. Just sayin’
    Good luck!

  • Stef November 14, 2012 at 9:40 am

    Not that this helps either of us but we couldn’t be more on the same page right now if we tried. Also if I have to hear one more person say to me “just enjoy these days as a family of three” one more time I will literally snap. It seems everyone forgets as soon as the pass a baby through their vag the unberable weeks leading up to it. No sleep, crazy hormones, no control, husbands who don’t get it and a toddler running around screaming “MOMMA ELMO!” I actually cried while mall walking last night. I know I won’t be pregnant forever but it seems like it. If this helps in any way just know you have a TON of us here to provide you with internet love. We’re all super proud of the path you’ve already taken and can’t wait to hear “the story” regardless of how many installments there are.

  • Sammie November 14, 2012 at 9:53 am

    You can do it! I was in your same boat with my second child. My story is basically the same as yours. Terrible c-section with the first, depression, pregnant with the new baby and wanting a natural vbac, doula, lots of hippie stuff, yadda, yadda. Anywho, I was 8 days over due and thought I was going to go crazy! I went to the doctor, had my membranes stripped (which I said I wouldn’t do, but I was going nuts), went to pick apples with my son (very zen), and VOILA, contractions! Baby was born via natural vbac 4 hours later! It will happen Modg, trust your body and that perfect little baby- she knows what she is doing.

  • Katie E. November 14, 2012 at 10:01 am

    I’m about to go full on Louisiana for you. ..Oh cher, bless your heart! Dat baby don’ know what a great wide world she be missing, all hiding up in dere. She don’ know her maman bout to lose her mind on the waitin’. She just warm an’ happy up dere under yo’ heart. She gonna come out, one way or t’other. Like my grandmere used to say, “this too shall pass, it has not come to stay” dat covers near bout everything in dis life. Just don’ shoot yo’ husband or any strangers dis week and you will be alright.

    • Desiree November 14, 2012 at 10:44 am

      I totally ‘heard’ that in my mind and got the biggest smile. There is something so sweet and magical about the Deep South!

  • Amanda November 14, 2012 at 10:05 am

    It will happen, I can *feel* it. Good luck!

  • Jenn November 14, 2012 at 10:08 am

    I don’ t understand why technology has made this whole experience so torturous. Seriously, can someone please explain?! It wasn’t that long ago, that they couldn’t even tell what your due date was, right!? And what did they do!? They waited until you went into labor. What is so wrong with waiting!?

    I apologize if this is a stupid question, I had my water break 2 times and had natural deliveries (well “natural” w/the help of Pitocin w/both) but I can’t wrap my brain around why they just can’t let you wait another few days, or a week – if that’s what you truly want?!

    Modg, you can do this!!! Like Aliya said, try to savor those last kicks and your family of threeness. Yoshe knows already what a great Mommy you are, it doesn’t matter how she gets here, it’s the moment you meet her that counts for everything!!!

    • Leigh November 14, 2012 at 10:18 am

      Technological advancements in obstetrics have introduced so much anxiety (in addition to being lifesaving). Because SO much of pregnancy and fetal development is a mystery, since it’s unethical to conduct research on pregnant women, the technology has allowed us to make better guestimates at best that we hold up as rigid fact. My husband and I had an upsetting and enlightening experience with this when one of my son’s ventricles was measuring slightly outside the range of normal, indicating a small risk for hydrocephalus. Depending on which doc we saw during all the follow sonograms we had, this was either a serious problem or not a big deal. It was amazing to see how differently the different docs on call that day interpreted the results. Crisis! was how the first doc acted. No biggie, an outlier measurement, acted the second. And so on. I briefly endured an MRI before I had a panic attack in the machine and it was enough to show that my son’s brain was probably fine, and that he was likely just going to have an enormous head like his dad. (And he does!) We got monthly sonograms for the remainder of the pregnancy, just to play it safe, which was pretty neat to see him grow, actually, but it was a hugely scary time mostly because the first doc we saw, who specializes in high-risk pregnancies and thus is trained to look for the worst, freaked us out so much. All the subsequent docs were like, chill, it’s most likely fine.

  • Leigh November 14, 2012 at 10:09 am

    Some “light” scientific reading for you about due dates, maybe to help with the anxiety – my shrink described this as my need to intellectualize everything to make sense of stuff and handle my emotions.


    In short, due dates are crude estimates at best, since they’re based on last menstrual period given it’s extremely difficult to pinpoint exact date of conception. Only ~5% of US babies are born on these physician-estimated due dates, and two-thirds of babies are born w/in 10 days of their due date, so there’s still a healthy chance that Yoshe might arrive a week from today. ARGH!!!!!! You’re no doubt screaming. 80% of babies show up by 42 weeks.

    In interesting analogy in that link is comparing pregnancy/gestation to puberty – babies, like tweens, mature at different rates and are born/begin puberty at different times in their lives. We don’t really freak out about this w/puberty, but this whole due date clock nonsense drives women batty.

    I am much less “hippy” than you, but in this moment the more you can let go of this medicalized schedule stuff knowing Yoshe’s on her own maturation schedule, the better you might feel. For 5 minutes here and there anyway. This painful waiting game is unavoidable – anticipation is always the worst aspect of a rite of passage, whether it’s your wedding day, a job interview for something you’re passionate about, or the birth of your child. Waiting is the worst! I had a scheduled c-section, which I had mixed feelings about, and I kept hoping I would go into natural labor, just so I could experience it. So even though for other health reasons I had the c-section planned and was ok with it, and knew when I’d be “meeting” my little guy on the outside (since I already felt like I knew him!), I still had that same crazy sense of anticipation and wishing for something, in my case, contractions! (Turns out I was having them but couldn’t feel them they were so mild.)

    Good luck! Take care of yourself. We’re with you on this!

  • Leslie November 14, 2012 at 10:12 am

    Unicorns and sparkle thoughts for you. So much can happen in 5 days.

  • Jen H November 14, 2012 at 10:24 am

    I’m sitting here trying not to cry for you. I was there 11 weeks ago. I got all crazy and thought my child hated me and that’s why he was making me suffer and taking so long (yep, nutso). I cried all the time and wanted to smother my snoring husband. I have no hippie advice for you but just know you’re not alone! I wish I had found your blog sooner…could have used your wit during my 17 month pregnancy!

  • Stacy November 14, 2012 at 10:25 am


    You are my hero. I was induced last Wednesday with my twin girls (elected by me and my husband) at 37 w 3 days. When I was preg I kept telling those midwives I wanted to go to 40 w and they kept telling me they deliver at 38 w. I felt sure I would outlast them but in he end I was just large and trying to take care of my 2 yr old when I was unable to even bend over was getting hard. Lots of tears. Tears about how I was a bad mother for inducing early. Tears that I just couldn’t be with my daughter like I wanted. I would have done it at 37 w 5 days but I didn’t know any of the midwives past Wednesday. I feel good about the decision because the midwife and doctor did a great job and I narrowly avoided an emergency c to get Baby B out. Now I just have butt nuts from hell from it.

    You are totally validated to feel how you want to feel about it. Sad, disappointed, angry etc. but I do wish you good luck in your delivery however it is done.

  • Kaili November 14, 2012 at 10:27 am

    The best things I can think of are these:
    1. Find a massage therapist who does “induction massage”. They will do all those accu-points that induce labor AND massage some zen back into your muscles.
    2. Figure out if there is something holding you back. Are you scared of the VBAC? Ina May Gaskin has that “sphincter law” which basically says that all your holes close when they sense danger or intrusion that is not welcomed.
    (I figure at least you’d get a kick out of sphincter laws, anyway.)
    3. Exercise AND relax. Walking on uneven surfaces and hot baths/showers should help to get things going.

    (Thanks for normalizing the frenzy of trying to make that baby come. We all go through it.)

  • DoMo November 14, 2012 at 10:36 am

    I think baby girl was waiting for you to post this amazing blog. I now feel how you feel and I want a giant bowl of nutella with graham crackers and milk. :)
    Labor is crazy and intense and I hated it. In the beginning stages, I had to think happy thoughts like tropical vacations and wawa pretzels to get me through the waves of contractions. Then it got real and I wanted Scottie to beam that baby out of me. And he was only 6 lbs, 4 oz. I was like – WTF that baby has to be at least 10 lbs.
    When you get there, push like the ROCKSTAR you are. Like, eye-bulging pushes.

  • Kelly November 14, 2012 at 10:51 am

    give yourself an enema…works instantly…well, it did for me.

    **I was not trying to go into labor…i was trying to take a shit.

  • Monica King November 14, 2012 at 10:54 am

    I feel for you, lady. I have three kids and it never got easier – the waiting game. And I tried every crazy thing to get things going and none of that crap worked. Sex, spicy food, poop inducing food, jumping and down, balancing on a yoga ball trying to open up my cervix, etc. NOTHING.WORKED. Damn little babies have a mind of their own ALREADY! I guess try to stay busy and keep your mind occupied. “Easier said than done, BITCH!” I know…

    Hope your lady bits get all happy and pop a baby out soon.

  • jenn November 14, 2012 at 11:00 am

    i hear you. i tried everything and was all hippie about it too and faked my zen for a while. did the midwife/birth tub/hypnobirthing until 10cm, pushed forEVER, and eventually c-sectioned with my first. i’m hoping for a vbac with another baby whenever i get to get pregnant again, so you’re kind of my honest inspiration that there’s hope for that. eh, no pressure though. i tried every damn remedy out there to get my babe out. the only thing that was useful was the caster oil rootbeer float my midwives told me to drink (2 oz caster oil (effing gross to think about, but doesn’t taste like anything), 8 oz rootbeer, some ice cream- drink and eat a pb cup afterwards). and that didn’t necessarily help with getting things started, just to help me poop it all out *huzzah for no pooping in the birthtub!* and the fact that i was SUPPOSED to eat more ice cream and a peanut butter cup. waiting sucks. i’m so sorry. she’ll be here and she’ll be awesome.

  • Lindsay @ Hot Mess, Cool Day November 14, 2012 at 11:14 am

    Your whole post makes me want to make this noise: UGHHHHHH. Seriously. I know. Actually, I don’t know, but I feel your pain through your writing. I hope she comes quickly & vaginally! You and Yoshe (and poor B and of course G) will be in my thoughts! Have you tried starting a new show? Netflix the crap out of Sons of Anarchy or Prison Break…that usually takes my mind off anything.

  • Mary November 14, 2012 at 11:15 am

    Have you tried masturbating? I mean, that’s not really intervening. And I swear that kind of unpleasant orgasm is what kick started mine. Sorry for the TMI.

  • Julie carter November 14, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    Have you thought about giving all the control to God and putting it in his hands? It just might turn out better than you could have imagined modg… Bc it’s all in his hands anyways!! Hang in there!!

  • Courtney November 14, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    Having my membranes swept and walking TONS was what I think did it for me. Good luck! I hope your little one cooperates with your want for vaginal pain and glory

  • leslie November 14, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    so many thoughts and prayers coming your way that you get the birth you’ve always dreamed of! come on baby girl!

  • K November 14, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    The comment that helped me most was “trust your baby and your body; they know what to do.” But you are already doing that, so I will just send love and assurance that you are doing a wonderful job. You really are. Also, as many above have said, you can be 0% dilated one moment and zooming through the centimeters the next. If you are not dilated today, it means nothing. Tomorrow you could bloom right open. You can do it, you can do it, you will do it. Bless.

  • AL November 14, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    This is the part that confuses me: “Birth is an experience that I’ve wanted to have my whole life. The kind of birth where you work hard and cry and scream and then it’s completely amazing and totally worth it because you are holding your baby and YOU DID IT. ” But instead of saying “seriously? wtf” to that, I’ll just say that taking that statement as fact – for whatever reason you DID want to have that experience, and it is/was important to you, then I’m really sorry that it didn’t happen that way with your son, and I hope you can have that birthing moment soon with this baby girl. And if not, I hope you’re able to gracefully (ha, fuck that – nobody does anything hard gracefully! Those people are the WORST) let go of that perfect-birth-dream and let whatever reality Yoshe storms in with replace that, in a happy way. Because it really is all good.

  • Jennifer November 14, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    I had a pregnancy massage that supposedly helped move things along. Who knows if it worked or not but it doesnt hurt to try. Ask your midwife about it!

  • Jena November 14, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    …I had that “perfect” birth experience: screaming, pain, then amazing omg my baby is here with no drugs experience….and I still got major depression, had a lot of pain from when I tore, struggled to breastfeed, etc. There’s not a “perfect” in birth, it’s simply your own story. And your story will result in this amazing little human being, which is perfect in its own right. Someone really close to me said something to me, when I was in the woes of my depression, that really helped: you are in charge of your own happiness. And you are loved. Hope it helps you too….

  • dara November 14, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    maybe you could use a little reverse psychology with the baby. like, “baby don’t come. baby stay in my uterus. i’m not ready yet, no no no.” i hope i dont sound like an asshole, but foreal it’s worth a try??? really though, hang in there, i’m sure you’re a ball of frustration and worry, but this WILL be a beautiful birth regardless of when/how it happens.

  • Katia November 14, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    Sounds so familiar. The post was brilliant. Wish you the experience you’ve always wanted.