I don’t know why I was surprised, probably because my brain is 80% toilet water right now. But I was surprised how many of you are reading along with me, at the same stage of pregnancy as me. I mean I get it. Pregnant blogs make sense for pregs. But I did have to explain this to toilet brain.
So I thought that I’d share with you the things that were getting me through these last few months and weeks. Because this shit is real and I need real shit. Partly so I can actually shit. Partly so I can keep saying shit. This does wonders for my google ranking. Many of these things are good for non pregs too and just aspiring hippies or fatties. We’re all the same.
I’m linking a little bit different today. The picture is clickable to the link. It’s really for geniuses.
This my friends, is my numero uno favorite hippie discovery so far in my lifetime. It’s called Thieves Oil. And I mostly like it because in black plague time, grave robbers rubbed this shit on them when they stole magic crosses and rubies from graves so they wouldn’t also get the plague (THIEVES oil). I know. So smart. I love stealing ideas from criminals. Dudes, this stuff works. A few months ago during the pregnancy I got sick and I rubbed this stuff (highly diluted…one drop per teaspoon of a carrier oil like olive oil or sunflower oil) on my chest and feet. I have been known to host diseases in my body for a straight up month. Within 2 days the cold was gone. With the change of the season, I have been using it every night. Also, it smells like Christmas Santa Claus pants. It’s not cheap but I think worth every penny. Also the brand matters. You can find it cheaper but you need a good quality oil.
Just to bump up my immunity as well I’m taking Vitamin C with Ester. I love this brand and it does the trick. The Ester is an old grandma who lives in the pill telling your body to feel better fast. She is very helpful.
And THEN my doula was like, idiot, you need vitamin D3 and then I saw the one legged lady on RHONY buy this stuff too (this brand) and I knew I needed it. For those of you calling out hypochondriac, I’ll remind you that I had a terrible flu/cold when my water broke early in my last pregnancy. I then had this cold for a month while by body tried to heal from a c-section while coughing and bruising ribs. Bite me.
I’m sorry this picture is tiny. But I like to imagine that I can put this tiny pregnant lady in my pocket and she will tell me secrets. (toilet brain). Anyway, I’ve posted this pillow before but now? THIS IS MY HUSBAND. Don’t worry, B has a body pillow too except he calls his, “his mistress”. I know, we’re F’d. Really I could never ever sleep without this thing. It is my jesus.
Many of you asked me about my go-to leggings. I have tried THEM ALL. I don’t like expensive maternity clothes so I always start with Old Navy and hated them. They tried to choke the baby out of me. These are the most comfortable. Yes they are from Pea in the Pod and yes they are 39 dollars (buy one get one 50 off now), but I promise you that they are so worth it. Anything there with the name “secret belly fit” means fatty comfy. The band comes up waaay over the belly and doesn’t dig it. It’s not overly tight and I die for them. I promise you. Worth it. Get black and gray.
I found this “dress” at Old Navy. Let’s call it what it is. Pregnant lady shirt that covers your ass. Online it’s pre-orderable but it’s in stores. I bought a large (I’m 5’2”). It’s great. Does the job, comfortable, cute and in a bigger size is like I’m so cool I wear things that fall off the shoulder. Put it with leggings, boots and a long necklace. Done. It comes in a bunch of colors. I say no to animal print though.
IF IF IF after all my nuttiness, I still get sick before delivery, I will buy this. This is a cold air oil diffuser and I will diffuse that Thieves business all over this air. Cold air diffusers are better for oils because heat breaks them down. I think I just out-hippied myself.
If I could buy more nap time on Amazon, I would. I would pay 49.99 per hour.
ok, you’re going to click on this and be like WTF Modg? An expensive square purple pillow? I hate you. Listen. If you are preg or have been preg you know what a pain in the ass it is to not be able to ever lay on your back. I learned this in yoga. You take one of these bolsters (they are very firm and special) and prop them up with 2 blocks (see below) to make the pillow lean on an angle and bam. THE MOST COMFORTABLE LAYING POSITION OF YOUR LIFE. You’re still probably like, dude, I don’t care. Get to 36 weeks and then talk to me about expensive pillows. You’ll buy 8.
Yoga blocs. One goes vertical at the top of the pillow and one is horizontal, closer to your butt.
I’ve been “trying” to do a little bit better with my makeup and skin routine in terms of natural hippie stuff. But here’s where I’m sort of a snob. I love makeup. I love Sephora. I love anything that makes me look like an airbrushed toddler and tiara. But this stuff is good. It’s lighter, more natural, and it’s a BB cream. You know, that shit you keep hearing about and you’re like BB WHAT? It just means like tinted moisturizer that won’t murder your skin holes. It is actually supposed to make your skin better over time. And I’ve sampled them all. This is the best.
Yes it’s pricey. But I bought this stuff the day I found out that I was preg (Jurlique balancing cleanser for face) and I still have half a bottle 8 months later. It’s natural and does great things for your skin. Doesn’t strip it of oils but gets the grime and shit off. Love it. You need it. All of you.
Again, this falls into the IF I GET SICK category. Hold your vomit, this is fermented cod liver oil. I KNOW…DIE. But it is the gold standard ultimate forever winning hippie health remedy. Also it’s in a gel. Also you take it by the spoonful. You hate me. It’s ok. That’s why I’m ONLY getting this if I do get sick. It’s a million dollars but really does work. I hear that the cinnamon flavor tastes good. But I hear lots of lies all damn day.
Oh lower back pain, you asshole. It just happens when you’re preg and large. Nothing you can do. My heating pad and my body pillow makeout with each other and then we all have a 3 some. We make each other very happy.
enchiladas y nachos
And those my friends are my favorite things. Aren’t you glad I’m around now that Oprah is gone? Same but better.
As usual, share with me anything that I need to get me through these last few weeks. I’ll take what I can get.
Go forth and eat mexican.