knocked up

Blogging in the 3rd trimester should be on the no list with boozing and belly flops onto cement.

September 4, 2012

Where have I been?

I feel like I’ve been answering that a lot lately.Β  To be fair to myself and avoid any responsibility, I blame Yoshe.

Where do I begin…

Most of you have been reading with me from the very beginning. I love that, because when I write, I genuinely feel like I’m talking to friends. Again, this is #21 on the list of things to discuss with a therapist. But I always forget that there are those of you who haven’t been reading from the beginning. And thank Bravo TV for those people because that’s how this little blog gets bigger and fancier. But those of you who are relatively new don’t always get me, my sense of humor or my notgiveashit attitude. Which is ok. You don’t have to get it. It’s my job to make this blog a “get free” zone.

And for the most part I’m cool with it. I’m cool with the random super sensitive comment. Or the nasty one. Listen, I dish it, I better be able to take it. That is until something happened called trimester 3.

Trimester 3 is a tricky thing my friends. Well, I should say, this pregnancy with this child at this moment is a damn telenovela. I know this because every day at the same time, I see the same commercial on TLC for Medium where she tells that little boy that she’s talking to his dead father and I sob. FOR AN HOUR. EVERY DAY.

I know, why don’t I just change the channel? Why did I order leather maternity leggings?Β  Some questions really just can’t be answered. But what I’m trying to say here is that my emotions are not in check right now. I can’t handle anything. I’m REALLY angry at sporadic weather patterns one minute and I’m sobbing at my lack of Halloween costume inspiration the next. And this is new for me. Being preg with G, I was all…oh dead baby rabbits? Whatever.

So when we have comment wars or people telling me that I’m insensitive to Hungarian bakers who are middle children currently living in Detroit, I really can’t deal. And it’s not your fault. Like I said, I dish it. I need to take it. And “martinis” MODG could take it. Man could she take it. I read that old shit and I’m like, damn that’s a tough bitch. DG MODG is a flowery pansy. Well, preg with a girl at 30 weeks MODG is a flowery pansy. I’m praying things go back to prep punching normal after my vagina evacuates.

But I’m a firm believer on this blog in being honest, being me and telling you all like it is. So when I’m sobbing profanities into my keyboard, I usually make the decision to say nothing at all instead of ICAN’TTAKEITANYMOREICAN’TGOON.

But I’m getting to a better place. At least for now. I credit that to the best 70 dollar Craigslist find ever to happen to a human being. If you follow me on Facebook, you’ve seen it. I know, you’re totally like well, I didn’t see it because I have an app to block when people post furniture to Craigslist. (see? that’s me being moderately crass again. You’re welcome).


And after this melodramatic trimester 3 post, I will reward all with a full post on how to find the awesomest shit on Craigslist for cheap without getting murdered. It’s really gold.

Thanks for being patient with me. Pregnant chicks are the worst.




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  • Courtney September 4, 2012 at 8:02 pm

    When I was pregnant with my daughter I was 98% sure my fiancee and I wouldn’t make it. If I didn’t hate him, I was crying because I hated him. I pretty much stayed away from TV because never in my life have I cried so much at a silly commercial. It got better… mostly. I watch Disney movies with my 9 month old daughter and have to hide my face because I start getting all weepy at a movie I’ve seen a thousand times…

    Anyways, it does get somewhat better. & Every pregnant women who is very emotional needs a break. We understand

  • Vikki September 4, 2012 at 8:02 pm

    ((hugs)) I totally get it. When I was pregnant with child number three (daughter number 1), I was a hormonal, zitty, fat mess of a human being. I hated every second of it……….

    ….youre almost to the finish line. And then I will send you a martinix27.


  • natalie September 4, 2012 at 8:03 pm

    Happy you’re back — Missed you much!

  • Kristen B September 4, 2012 at 8:09 pm

    Between that commercial and The Baby Story episodes where the Mom gives her first born a hug and kiss through tears on her way to have baby #2 makes me an uncontrollable mess.

  • Nicole September 4, 2012 at 8:11 pm

    Don’t worry about those comments, I love reading your blog! You say what I am often thinking. As a mom of a 1 year old, your blog gives me a place to laugh and realize, I’m not alone . :)

  • Melissa September 4, 2012 at 8:16 pm

    Dude… this is just getting you ready to deal with a GIRL in general. Lots of tears. Lots of love and cool stuff but LOTS of tears. And when it’s a girl… then there are tears from you and from her! It’s all cool… you’ll survive. My baby girl turned 17 today and I’m here to talk about it and so is she. :) I will say that the older she got the more wine I drank but hey… I digress.

  • KB September 4, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    There are so many Hungarians in Detroit it’s not even funny. And I’m related to 98% of them.

  • Clarissa September 4, 2012 at 8:32 pm

    MODG, I’m feeling a little offended by this as a representative member of those who have had really shitty luck with Craigslist finds. That hot dresser just makes me feel the lack of awesome furniture in my life all the more keenly.

  • Laura C September 4, 2012 at 8:34 pm

    Forget pregs and the tears. THAT is the most delicious piece of thrifted furniture I’ve ever. seen.

  • miss bee September 4, 2012 at 8:39 pm

    legit, that Medium commercial hits my heart strings and i consider my life to resemble more of a Martini MODG.

    • Gracie September 4, 2012 at 9:18 pm


  • RaeRae September 4, 2012 at 8:40 pm

    The Hungarian bakers in Detroit thank you for the shout out!

    Seriously, I’ve totally missed you the past few weeks. I need your brand of don’tgiveashit awesome in my world of pussy-footing, hand-holding mush. Now get on that Craigslist post; Mama needs to know how to find a jogging stroller when she’s too out of shape to run away from the axe murderer selling it.

    ::sparkle hugs::

  • Katie E. September 4, 2012 at 8:44 pm

    Welcome back. We missed you and we understand. And people really need to stop the manufactured outrage and say, “eh, so she doesn’t like that app, no big” instead of throwing a guilt bomb your way. I hate child inappropriate commercials. So I dropped cable and do Netflix instead. Everyone should do things like that. Sob your eyes out honey. And I freaking LOVE that dresser! G has such a good mommy.

  • Lo September 4, 2012 at 8:49 pm

    I can’t wait to read about your Craigslist adventures. We tried to sell an old entertainment center on there before our last move. Some guy drove 90 minutes to come look at it and then didn’t like the color of the wood. 3 hours of driving for nothing?? Crazy people.

  • Colleen September 4, 2012 at 8:52 pm

    I love the martini side and the diaper side. So bring it on. All of it.

  • Elliepie September 4, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    You know what? I both have a face-leakage crying disorder AND my next-door neighbor’s cousin’s boyfriend was murdered through a Craigslist ad and I think it’s SUPER insensitive of you to bring it up like this.

    Now my face is leaking again. THANKS A LOT.

    • Anna September 5, 2012 at 7:09 am

      OH MY GOD! My brother’s, dog’s, college roommate’s, step-father’s best friend from high school had the exact same thing happen!

      I am so fucking ready for the pregnancy tears stage. Bring. It. On. Unfortunately am still stuck in the pregnancy puking stage. Blergghhhh.

  • Andrea September 4, 2012 at 9:07 pm

    When I was pregnant with my daughter I prayed daily for a natural disaster to kill everyone within a ten-mile radius. I hated everything and everyone, and my haircut, fat face and huge ass just added to the feel-good vibe I had going on.

    The instant that little angel left the vaginasphere I looked my husband in the eyes and begged for forgiveness for all the sins I had committed against him the previous nine months. It was as if a cement block had been lifted.

    I spent the next nine years growing out my hair, and in the meantime cultivated a wonderful, nurturing relationship with my sweet daughter who thankfully shows no residue from my prego crazy.

    At least I don’t think she does, but I’m not trying to test that shit.

    Hang in there – you’re in good company!

    • The Other Jen September 6, 2012 at 3:50 am

      I love everything about the above post.

      And MODG how about the Pampers commercial on TLC with all of the different babies and sappy words and music and at the very end the baby sleeping on a shoulder lasers my heart with a tiny little smile. Every. Time. You know which one Im talking about.

  • Stef September 4, 2012 at 9:09 pm

    Glad to see you’re back – although I suppose you were never really gone. Newbies are fun by enough with the rookie mistakes and taking everything personal. I’m 28 weeks with #2 and I cried at work for an entire day because the sun was out.

  • Analyn September 4, 2012 at 9:09 pm

    I say boot the new people, there were never anything but fun, hysterical, and sparkly awesome comments before. Who needs new readership when they’re overreacting, uptight, highly offend-able and opinionated weirdos that say things like “Wow Modg. You have no soul because you mentioned something that may or may not relate to something that bothers me, through six degrees of separation. Unsubscribe.” The part where you say “And it’s not your fault.” in this post is too close to an apology. The last few posts I’ve felt so bad for you! Those people are losers seriously. And then they try to guilt you into feeling like you’re the messed up one. Privileged blog posts for The Danny Tanner Double Heart Club? :) Give up posting until after the babe comes if it stresses you out. The ones who love you most will still be here whenever you decide to come back!

    • The Other Jen September 6, 2012 at 3:55 am

      I know I just posted but I agree. I’d rather go a couple months without your blog than have you and the Yosh stressing. She has like, a gazillion (exact number) honorary aunts who love hearing about her and want what’s best for you both. We’ll be here when you’re ready to post! Whenever and however often!

  • Anne September 4, 2012 at 9:10 pm

    Wait, were people pissed about the unBaby app? Was there something offensive in that post? A slutty crayon got riled up? I have to go back and try and find the drama now.

    Just you wait until Yoshe is born. Be prepared to cry for a week straight, NO BREAK, over how your kids will clearly NEVER FEEL LOVED because now there are 2 of them. G will be HUGE, Yoshe will NEVER get time alone, whaaaaaaaaah. And then you will realize it is the greatest thing ever to have a sibling and be just fine. But definitely stock up on Kleenex (name brand, not generic, that will just leave you with a red nose).

  • Kyle September 4, 2012 at 9:12 pm

    Glad you’re back. I love all your posts and your new dresser is super awesome.

  • Amy September 4, 2012 at 9:14 pm

    I totally get where you’re coming from. I’ve just started my 3rd trimester (pregnant with a girl) and I’m pretty sure I am going to murder my boyfriend with a dull spork or a #2 pencil before Thanksgiving gets here. I love him, but I can’t stand him some days. On the other hand, I get lost in lala land at work and imagine all these crazy scenarios where my 7 year old daughter gets kidnapped or lost outside in a thunderstorm. Yesterday I had a dream my new baby was born with 20 extra eyes on her face. I’m a damn lunatic right now.

  • leslie September 4, 2012 at 9:17 pm

    you’re the best MODG! you better post some leather legging pictures!

    • Sara September 4, 2012 at 10:02 pm

      Right? I’m still stuck on the pants. Like I wanna know, but I don’t…

      • Audrey September 4, 2012 at 10:07 pm

        Yes! Leather legging toilet pic should accompany the Craig’s list post!

      • leslie September 5, 2012 at 11:58 am

        but you definitely do.

  • Lindsey September 4, 2012 at 9:18 pm

    I freaking love you.

  • Kate September 4, 2012 at 9:31 pm

    hang in there. you’ll get to hit the boxed wine again in no time. or are you too classy for boxed wine?

  • Lara September 4, 2012 at 9:54 pm

    Just do yourself a favor and don’t watch Lion King. That movie makes a mess out of me every time. You write an awesome blog that I love to read. Crying or not, I can’t wait to read everything you post.

    • Ashlee September 6, 2012 at 1:31 pm

      Seriously good advice. I popped it in with my first daughter in my lap and my inside daughter in my belly and within the first 5 minutes I was not crying, but bawling…my outside daughter was side eyeing me like “mom, grow a pair” but the circle of life was just soooo touching!!!!! DONT DO IT.

  • Kelly Ann September 4, 2012 at 10:19 pm

    Oh my gosh. Those comments were insane! I’m glad you took them down. I feel like you can no longer be yourself without a disclaimer. Too bad we don’t have a app! πŸ˜‰ here’s to a fantastic, mild emotioned, quick and stress free last few weeks! Yoshe we can’t wait! :)

    :: glitter kegals ::

  • Heather September 4, 2012 at 10:22 pm

    I love being my bitchy who gives a f**k self and then sometimes I get a bit sensitive and cry and it just pisses me off. Why hormones, why? Dude you are pg, you will rule without crying again.

  • colleen September 4, 2012 at 10:29 pm

    still love you. and if you have sensitive hungarian bakers commenting, you can be sensitive yourself. and once you have that beautiful little girl you can go back to being one tough bitch and set a good example for her πŸ˜‰

  • Meredith @ This Texas Life September 4, 2012 at 10:41 pm

    “I am a woman stuffed with another woman inside me. Like a turducken of estrogen.”
    (via Marriage Confessions)


    • Chelsea September 5, 2012 at 3:47 pm

      I have never been preg…but this just sounds like it’s miserably accurate! haha I can’t handle myself when I’m on my period, with a pimple, wanting to stab my boyfriend in the eye for breathing too loudly AND that damn Sarah Mhardtospell commercial comes on. How will I handle being a turducken of estrogen!? For the first time ever, I am leaning toward wanting a boy someday…

  • Sue Diamond-Phillips September 5, 2012 at 12:48 am

    Soon it will all be over and you can have a drink. At least that is what i tell myself when the kids wake up every morning.

  • cool bananas September 5, 2012 at 6:43 am

    My son turned two last month… That is two years and nine months that I have not been able to watch the news. I saw a baby in a pram on oxygen at the shops last week, got to my car, cried and cried.
    I STILL have the total pregnant sooks… 2 years later :o(

  • Leslie September 5, 2012 at 7:51 am

    I cry at Baby Story commercials and completely lose it every time I hear my “wedding song…” and I’m not even pregnant. Don’t apologize for your weepies. You are a top-notch producer estrogen machine and you make awesome babies with it.

  • kat September 5, 2012 at 8:29 am

    (hey the comment thingy is back! – for some reason it just wasn’t working….) I say dish whatever you want and let the sensitive peeps deal with it….it’s their choice to read your posts….I don’t really understand reading something that would bother me. It’s like being sick from watching scary movies but not changing the channel.

  • Kate September 5, 2012 at 9:28 am

    Whew! Glad you are doing well, but weepy… I was starting to worry. Nobody likes when third trimester blogging mommies go AWOL. Sadly we may be cheering, laughing, or weeping with you without commenting but I bet I am not the only one to open your page and think… “Thank God everything is okay…”. And I’m not even a religious person. I’m uber jealous of your Craigslist find. Are you going to paint it? Or is the finish actually as pristine as it looks? I’m into a painting furniture phase so forgive me for imagining it in turquoise with antiqued accents.

  • Sarah September 5, 2012 at 10:26 am

    Totally looking forward to the Craig’s List post because I have tried and tried. I’ve sold some stuff. But the buying, which is obviously way more fun, hasn’t come to me yet.

  • Shan September 5, 2012 at 11:04 am

    I got so excited when I saw the pic in my read feed! I first came to you with your G nursery reveal on Apartment Therapy (Ohdeedoh), of course I was pregs too so I read your ENTIRE archive. Now I am just getting so excited to see another MODG nursery and a G big boy room. Is that dresser going to be a changing table/dresser/place for awesomeness you find on Etsy?? I hope so!

    As for the rest of the post…I look to the wise poet JayZ (as all former slutty-crayonesque girls do)”I’m a hustler homey, you a customer crony: got some, dirt on my shoulder, could you brush it off for me?”

  • Jessica September 5, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    So. I have never commented on your blog before (or any blog, for that matter) but have been reading it for quite a while and now I feel I really have to so you’re overwhelmed with positive comments and can get back to writing fantastically funny posts. MODG, please, don’t apologise! Those people were INSANELY sensitive and mostly taking offence on someone else’s behalf, hypothetically, which goes to show they have no humour whatsoever and like to lecture people. You, on the other hand, are AWESOME and should be glad if you lost some of them as they don’t deserve to read your stuff anyway.
    I, for one, love everything you write (so far! ha!). You are living proof that one can become a mom and not lose your complete identity, humour etc. – which gives me hope (I am still firmly on the Martini side of things).
    Also, I cry at the drop of a hat even now and always have, so I can totally relate.

    And yes, I am also glad you’re (kind of) okay. Get even better! Sparkle and stranger-internetsy-hugs to you!

  • KRysta September 5, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    I’m a big fan of craigslist furniture finds!

    Also, I’m pretty sure that is the exact same dresser I had in my bedroom growing up. When I no longer wanted it in my room I think we put it out on the curb as trash! I still can’t really believe we did that, but what did I know, I was 11 at the time and my mom has never really cared about cool furniture.

  • NSC September 5, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    Don’t listen to country music. Or the Christmas shoes song. I made the mistake of doing both, at work, preggers. NO makeup left, and had to interact with people who already thought I was nuts for the whole rest of the day.

    You’ll get your martini back. You’re tougher now anyway. Martini Modg couldn’t have dealt with crying G for months on end. You are WAY more badass now.

  • Tiffannie September 5, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    You rock. And that dresser is AMAZING! I’m super jealous of your CL find and the fact that you got it so cheap.

  • Rachel September 5, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    OK, first off, your blog is amazeballs and has been since day one.

    Second – I read through the majority of the comments from that last blog post, and people are grade-A bat-shit crazy.

    Who gives a shit if you’re hormonal?! You’re ALLOWED! It’s YOUR damn blog! πŸ˜‰ XO

  • Christy September 5, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    Love your honesty! Always puts a smile on my face:)

  • Audrey September 5, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    Tell me more about your leather maternity leggings. Where did you get them????

  • Lauren September 5, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    The videos of soldiers surprising their children when they come home CRUSH me when I am not preg, we can’t even TALK about them now.

    We’ve just learned that our dog officially doesn’t like babies and we have to adopt him out- it’s a giant cry fest in our house- it might be if I wasn’t preg with a girl- but I am betting she is making it worse.

    Hang in there- I’m hanging in with ya!

  • Morgan September 5, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    YES! not a single nasty comment to be seen. These fine ladies commenting above are partly why I loved MODG so much in the first place. Well, besides the gut busting laughter and awe inspiring fashion and relatable Mommy stuff that makes me feel I am normal in the world. Seriously, screw the nasty people. As my mom says.. every good garden needs a little weeding.

  • Nichole September 5, 2012 at 5:18 pm

    oh modg… you’re the best. If I even thought for one little min “where’s MODG been lately?” it’s only because I MISSED YOU! and dude, everyone talks about how 1st trimester is the worst because of all the voms, but seriously 3rd trimester is SO HARD! especially when you are sobbing & the damn baby won’t come out.

    But not the point. you’re the best & I really missed your cranky sobbing super pregs profanity and all around general awesomesauceness. the end.

  • Katie September 5, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    My first thought was, “What does ‘I can’t goon’ mean? Is that DTHC insider stuff that I don’t know about?” Then I figured it out.

    My second thought was…don’t apologize. I confess to being one of “those people” who has posted a more critical comment in the past on this blog, and although I don’t necessarily regret what I said, I have been solidly convinced that if one is unhappy with what one reads, one should stop reading (or at least not comment) in the blog world.

    And the awesomeness of this blog keeps me coming back for more, so consider me converted.

    Although I have to admit, I do somewhat enjoy the off-their-rockers commenters. Just a little. It’s entertainment! But I understand that they are not telling ME that I’m insensitive, and I’m not currently pregnant, so you did the right thing for yo’self.

  • lbterp September 5, 2012 at 9:48 pm

    Folks need to take a chill pill. Keep on keepin’ on.

  • Ashley September 5, 2012 at 10:45 pm

    dude…no need to apologize. The sensitivity in the comments makes me want to throw my keyboard and I haven’t been pregnant in almost 3 years. I can’t imagine how exhausting it must be to be someone who is so sensitive to virtually EVERYTHING and feels the need to comment and “enlighten” you.

    Be yourself…Hot mess, crocodile tears and all. We, your fans, love you for it and its what we come here to read. EVERY….LAST….BIT πŸ˜‰

  • ClassyFabSarah September 6, 2012 at 7:55 am

    Waiting on baited breath for your craigslist secrets. That thing is GORGEOUS.

  • Amanda @ everyday bandb September 6, 2012 at 11:11 am

    I’m 28 weeks pregnant and had no idea that entering the third trimester would make me an emotional train wreck. If I’m not yelling at the dryer for not taking all the wrinkles out of my clothes then I’m crying at the fact that I ran out of cereal and have no energy to go to the store to get more. I love following your blog, hang in there, at least our emotional rages can be written off as “oh she’s just hormonal and pregnant, I swear she’s not crazy.”

  • nevena September 6, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    You’re fabulous. The post was HILARIOUS. I felt really bad for you that you were getting attacked for something you didn’t even do/say.

  • Lluvia September 6, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    I hear ya. Some people are just plain assholes, though. The worst are the overly sensitive assholes who just want to find something negative in everything. Of course, they’re only sensitive when it comes to them; when they’re spewing their poison out there, they have no limits.

  • Anna September 6, 2012 at 6:26 pm

    Just sobbed at the same commercial. I’m not pregnant. Not even PMS-ing. Apparently, this is just how I roll.

  • Leah September 7, 2012 at 11:19 pm

    If it makes u feel better, when I took issue with your last post, your loyal readers made fun of my infertilty/cancer blog. Which is real loyalty: when your readers like you so much so they will mock someone dealing with infertilty AND cancer! You are very loved. ;P

    Btw still a loyal reader.

    Ps. That post hit me on an off week, sorry if I was harsher then I was sarcastic in my comment. Sometimes when life kicks ya in balls, you just kick the next thing that hits a nerve. Opps!

  • Erica V September 10, 2012 at 3:58 pm


    I am a fairly new reader although I’ve read everything you wrote from the beginning in the last couple weeks. I find you blog hilarious and at times sweet. If ppl get offended by your humor they need to get over themselves and realize its not about them and in no way an attack on them. Hope you, G, and fetus are doing well!

  • tara curley September 12, 2012 at 9:55 pm

    Hey MODG,

    I started reading you a month or so back and I think you’re hilarious and awesome, and I have gone back to catch up on as many posts as I realistically can while working (okay, sometimes I have spent HOURS while working….terrible me…) and you are funny BECAUSE you are crass and don’t censor yourself. But even when you’re being 30 weeks pregnant emotional you are still funny…so don’t worry, there are plenty out here who love reading you no matter what!!

  • Brianna September 17, 2012 at 9:28 pm

    Not for nothing, but that drama on the previous post was bull honkey crap.

    Hi. I’m dealing with infertility. We’ve been TTC baby #2 for almost 4 years. We were pregnant last year and I had a miscarriage…in my second trimester. Shit was TOUGH. Like…MEGA TOUGH. Baby making problems suck a LOT. You know what though? Its no one’s fault. I got teary eyed when I saw pregnant women out. I got SUPER teary eyed when I saw women that had the same due date as me start to pop out the chilluns this past spring. However, who the fuck am I to get upset enough to block their lives from my feed? I want another child, but I’m not heartless. It hurts, but I’m still happy for them. If I can’t have my own, at least I can share in the joy that others have instead of being bitter.

    I hope that if I ever become so stuck in a hole of darkness where I can’t stand to look at my friends’ happiness, for any reason, someone punches me in the face.