Confession Saturday: I’m terrified of my unborn child. But also most parts of Science.

There’s a couple of things I’m scared of right now.

1) Parallel universes and quantum mechanics in general. See, I’ve been watching an unhealthy amount of The Science Channel…specifically Through the Wormhole. Like, I watched 4 hour episodes and I’m desperately trying to watch them again. They are usually about how science and space will kill us. Then I spend and hour telling B about it. “B the atoms are both positive AND negative. HOW CAN THAT BE?!” If I was triple smarter than I am, I’d be a scientist. But I’m a blogger. So that went well.

2) “I Survived”. I still think a man is tracking my daily activity whilst (yep, whilst) hiding in my attic, waiting for the right moment to kill me.

-I need to watch less tv- (never)

3) my unborn child.

Ok so 3 doesn’t really fit in. Well, unless in my head #3 was planted in my uterus by my parallel self in a black hole. And I’m not that bat shit. Yet. No I’m really just afraid of what I’m in for. For those of you who have been with me since G’s birth, you know we had a hell of a time. For those who weren’t, I’ll brief you.

G was “colicky”, although I hate that word. It basically means he was a really tough ass of a baby and cried all the time and because no one knew exactly why,  and they slapped that word on him. He was intolerant to everything I ate through my breast milk. He never ever NEVER slept. And on top of it all, I had post partum depression and found myself eating my own placenta,  in counseling and on anxiety medication. I cried all the time. This blog became a big sad clown. And it was the hardest time of my life. And now I feel like I have a bomb in my belly.

our baby bomb

(like Bombs over Baghdad, except pregnantier)

Am I bound for this again?

Every time that I am out in public my eyes are peeled for moms with an infant and a toddler who is G’s age. Then I stare at them inappropriately for an uncomfortable length of time. I just want to know the secret. How are they doing it? What contraptions are they using? Or is there no secret? Are the moms a giant mess? Are they crying all the time? I look very very closely for smudged mascara and swollen eyes. Usually I gain nothing from my investigation. Sometimes I see moms with kids who are G’s age who are pregnant. These moms usually get harassed directly by me.

Me: HI!!!!! How far along are you? How old is your son? Are you scared? Are you nervous? Do you have help? Are you having more after this? What’s your social security number?

Mom: Ummm…(silence) Oh I think my phone is ringing. Sorry….

Me: Oh that’s ok we’ll talk later. I’ll just follow you around until your ready.

And then strangely I don’t really ever get the answers that I was looking for. I feel like it’s a secret club that meets in a tunnel by the factory. I don’t know what factory, but that’s what I picture. It’s super secret and radio transmitters are involved. When I was pregnant with G, I thought moms had those meeting with 1 kid and I was pretty much right. Looking now at the pregs with their first kid, I’m always like, oh man you are about to go through a majah learning curve. Just making mom friends alone is 3 chapters in the secret book that we don’t let you read until you actually have the baby. None of it is fair really.

I mean let’s be honest, those books that we do actually read are useless. We’d eventually figure out how to change the baby’s damn diaper and put a bottle or a boob in their mouths, but we would not figure out how to find the mom friends who don’t constantly compare their own child to the likes of Einstein (baby version or not). We would not figure out how to shower when you’re home alone with a screaming baby for 8 hours a day. We would probably not figure out how to deal when you realize you hate your husband and every other person with a beating heart. It’s a tough world out there for the new mom and I feel like I’m about to enter it all over again, just as green as I was 2 years ago.

Now that G is older, he’s a spunky kid. He’s great, like really funny and outgoing and social. But he’s a spunk ass. He will scream at me if I don’t immediately understand his half ass sign language combination babble request for the specific banana that is at the bottom of the bowl and that he wants to hold the peel and that if I cut it up, I’m doing a serious injustice to humanity. Scream. But he’s my son and he’s just like his mom. I mean, I get it.

So how will my spunk monster handle Yoshi? Is he going to grab her tail and pull her across the room while trying to give her “kisses”? (I only have my cat to compare this to). But how am I going to handle this? Really how am I going to do this?

So this is my plea:

I know I’m not in the club yet. I know I haven’t been invited to the factory tunnel meetings yet and I didn’t get my radio transmitter in the mail yet. But maybe, MAYBE you can let me in of some of the secrets you talk about. Maybe you can tell me how I’m going to make this work with very little help, home alone all day with CHILDREN.

Also if you want to talk Science and Space with me too, I’m totally down.

Thanks Team Internet,

MODG

 

**UPDATE**

Any mention of a “her” or a girl baby is totally subconscious. Seems like I’m willing a vagina with my brain. Crossies. But no, we don’t know the sex yet.

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POSTED IN: babies,Dramababy,Mom Stuff,Preg Stuff,Sharing,Toddlers,You think you know but you have no idea

{ 134 comments }

Amy June 9, 2012 at 10:33 am

Yoshi = Her? Yesssss… Maybe I’m late to the news? As for the Mom advice…I’m no help. I have a plant that is half alive most of the time. Good luck.

Keely June 9, 2012 at 10:34 am

I only have 2 dogs to compare this to, not 2 children BUT if they are at all similar – having 2 actually makes it easier! They get to entertain each other and 1 of them will wind up being the smarter and more well behaved child and they will teach the other to follow suit. Seriously, my older dog will scold the younger dog when he does something bad. It’s like I don’t even have to be there. So I’m basically telling you to just leave your 2 babies alone and go buy some shoes! G can handle it!

lauren June 9, 2012 at 12:01 pm

No. 2 dogs is in no way, shape, or form similar to the insanity of baby and toddler household…no.

lauren June 9, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Toddler + baby however can remind you of having 2 dogs as you will have to deal with more poop/pee all over the house than you will ever imagine. But that really is where the similarities end. The dog comparison drives me nuts, sorry, and before I had kids I did it too. But honestly you can put the pups in the backyard and leave the house and have dinner and pee by yourself with dogs around…no comparison. But like I said pre-kiddos I did the same thing, my doggie was my world and I thought he was a lot of responsibility. Now with a 4 year old and a 1 year old…DAYUMN. We just don’t go anywhere. Ever. EVER. And if we do someone ends up in tears. All my friends with 2+ kids look back and one was easy, and my #1 was a high needs demanding spunky little mess too. HOWEVER< the good news is that #2 can't really compete with that so they are generally more easy going out of necessity…yet they will develop their own little quirks. Like whining to take attention away from the attentionhogging older bro. Anyway, good luck, take one day at a time….remember those hormones are making you crazy now too ;)

MODG June 9, 2012 at 12:59 pm

I really have to agree. dogs = not even a dot the same. not at all.

S June 9, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Am I the only one that thought maybe this person was kidding? Especially where she said to “leave your babies home and buy some shoes?” I thought it was funny…
So babies aren’t the same as dogs, but this comparison is actually dead on with the idea that they will entertain each other. I look at moms of one baby and I literally don’t know how they do it, I seriously think they have to work so much harder! They will definitely entertain each other when Yoshi is a little older!

Mindy June 9, 2012 at 8:46 pm

I was thinking the same thing. And just for the record, my dogs absolutely don’t let me pee alone.

Best of luck MODG, fingers crossed for you that Yoshi is an easier baby than G was.

courtney June 12, 2012 at 5:42 pm

My brother and I are 13 months apart. My little sister is 5 years younger than me. She said she regretting not having one close in age to her because we were so easy. HOWEVER I also remember her telling stories of how her sister would have to come over so she could shower (my dad traveled for work). So I know it wasn’t easy at first, but got there pretty soon!! Good luck!!!

TheReset June 9, 2012 at 10:44 am

She? Her? Is it a girl and I missed the memo?

I’m a few months behind you in the toddler/ infant department. Every mom with two kids I know though say that two kids is just easier! And they all really seem to believe it. So…. lets just hope they’re right. :)

Amanda June 9, 2012 at 10:47 am

I’m also pregnant with our second. I’ve gotten into a few conversations with moms about anxiety and ‘baby blue’ issues that I had after our daughter, and more than a few people have mentioned placenta encapsulation. I never would have imagined I would actually be doing it, but the fear is in me and, while I am so very excited and over the moon, I get the the ‘ticking bomb’ feeling. We won’t be doing the placenta smoothies ala ‘Pregnant in Heels’… although I’m sure that works great for some and I have had personal references that have told me that it tastes ‘just like a regular smoothie’. I’m opting for someone outside of my home to encapsulate the placenta into pills that I can take. Anyways, just wanted to throw it out there in case it could be a helpful resource for you or something you may want to look into. I don’t have any personal experience with it *yet*, but I’m willing to give it a try if it means I will be able to keep it together a bit more. :)

MODG June 9, 2012 at 12:59 pm
Brandy June 9, 2012 at 10:50 am

Ok, for what it’s worth I’ll add my two little cents. I have three kids. My first one was colicky and there were nights where I would rock her and cry right along with her. Her “witching hour” occurred from about 6pm-2am EVERY night for about 6-7 months. After that she was one of the happiest babies in town and continued to be until she turned 14. Now she hates me…but the people in the other secret club; the one who have almost adult children, they tell me she’s going to like me again someday. That’s what I cling to every day when I get the evil eye. When I got pregnant with my second baby my husband and I were both terrified of having another colicky baby. The good thing was that all of the stress of having a crying ass baby the first time totes prepared me for the second one. He wasn’t a very fussy baby and the times he was it was a total piece of cake because it was NOTHING compared to the first time. Here’s another tidbit from the club: you’re going to soon realize how easy having one baby was. That’s right. There is a three year age difference between my first and second but only a 23 month difference between my second and third. I’d have to say the shorter age difference was easier, for me at least. My oldest really had a tough time adjusting and wanted her brother to go back to the “baby store”. My two youngest get along great, well, most of the time. They are 12 and 10 now, but when they were toddlers they were besties.

Ok, WAY more advice that I ever wanted to dispense on a Saturday morning barely through my first cup of coffee. Good luck MODG-you’ll do great!

Deanna June 9, 2012 at 10:50 am

When I had my latest baby my daughter was 3. I also was recovering from a super nasty foot injury, still wearing a boot, walking with a cane or using crutches.

How I survived? Juice boxes and snacks easily accessible to me and my 3 yr old – in every room. And I sat and held the baby constantly and neglected almost everything else. I don’t regret it one bit. Oh and my smartphone.

Regarding your anxiety – chillax. There’s a reason babies are born as babies. They’d be way more to handle if they were born as adults. You’re never given more than you can handle!

Good luck ma!

becky June 9, 2012 at 10:51 am

wait… did you announce the sex of the baby and i missed it?

Jessica June 9, 2012 at 10:52 am

If your first baby were a great sleeper and never cried, then you should be worried but since he was neither of those you can rest assured that your chances are much lower the 2nd time around. According to my highly unscientific advice this proves to be true more often than not. I mean what kind of universe would allow a mother to have 2 colicky babies?! It’s the basic karma law. You put in your time and therefore your next baby will be a sleepy, easy babe. But then things that were so easy with G won’t work with baby #2 and you’ll be all “wth is wrong with this one?!” ;) it can’t all be easy.

Melanie June 9, 2012 at 10:56 am

My kids, now 5 and 7, are the same difference as G and Yoshi will be. I won’t lie to you. It’s not easy, but the best thing you can do is remember how hard G was and that you most likely will not get two kid like that. Typically, the second one is a bit easier because you have a lot of the learning under your belt. Nursing may be hard, so get G something he can play with (make it awesome and time-consuming) only when you nurse or he will anally probe you each time you try to feed Yoshi. The rest you will figure out. Another thing, when you get brave enough to take them both out, either carry the babe or keep it in the carrier and have some way of harnessing G because he will take the opportunity to run like hell and make you look like a crack mom as he runs out the sliding glass doors of the grocery store. Or maybe that was just me. Get him a shock collar or a leash or whatever you need to do to keep him safe until you get down your process.

All that said, the first 18 months were hard as hell for me – and I’ve had a lot of moms ask my opinion on this and then thank me for that advice later. After those 18 months, it gets easier as they will interact and even start to play more. After that, it gets easier and easier, and then harder and harder, and then easier. Each up and down will give you new strategies for how to handle it all.

You can do this! As women we are wired to multi-task. Hell, I am a neurotic, anxiety-and-depression-ridden, OCD fool, and I did it without killing anyone. And my oldest is a genius with ADHD, so if I can do it, anyone can!

Erica June 9, 2012 at 10:57 am

Oh ModG, I totally understand your fears. I, too, had a ‘high needs’ baby the first time around. When I became pregnant with our second, my daughter had just turned 2. And I was totally convinced that baby number 2 was going to be even more difficult than she had been and I was going to end up in a loony bin. But then our son was born and you know what? He is the complete opposite of his sister. Not only that, but our daughter, who I was sure would throw a complete as soon as she realized that he wasn’t going to go away, actually really really LOVED her brother, like, from day one. She puts up with so much shit from him that she would never put up with from anyone else and it totally amazes me still, a whole year later (little man will be one on Monday!)
No one can tell you what this baby is going to be like or how G will handle it, but everyone that I know that has two kids has two kids that are basically opposites. I read some article a while ago about a study was done and that if you compare two siblings personality types to two complete and total strangers, the siblings will have more differences than the two strangers like 70% of the time. So there’s that.

Anne June 9, 2012 at 12:10 pm

My husband and I JUST said (for the 1,000th time), how different our 2 oldest are. Both girls, 20 months apart, now 3 1/2 and 2…night and day. The oldest is SO wild, so crazy, talks a billion miles a minute, and the younger one is sweet as pie. Quiet, calm, smiley at all times. They get along very well, play all the time and are best friends, but yes, total opposites. So baby #2 is going to be a breeze!

MODG June 9, 2012 at 1:02 pm

I hope I really hope you are all right.

KB June 14, 2012 at 2:14 pm

We have two daughters that are 29 months apart, they were complete opposites, night and day. Our first girl was (and still is) REALLY difficult to deal with- crying, emo, moody, etc. Our younger daughter is the total opposite- happy, laid back, quiet. I’m sure you’ll be (pleasantly) surprised at how different G and your new little one will be.

Ruth June 18, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Same situation for both of my older sisters’ families. First one is a total “oldest child” and then the second one is much quieter and sunnier. One of them even went for a third child, and that one is just as sweet as pie. At 1 year old, she seriously only cries when she gets a) injured or b) left in her crib, alone, for too long after naptime. And then you go “oh, sweetie!” and sing her some Beatles and she’s better in like 2 seconds. I’m trying to extrapolate this out to a 4th or 5th child, and it just boggles the mind.

Sara June 9, 2012 at 10:59 am

My first one hasn’t even come out yet, and I am already terrified of when the next one comes out. I will say, that from what I can see from my nieces, cousins and my half sister and her little sister, it is possible and probably pretty likely to have two very opposite kids. So maybe Yoshi will come out super chill and already know how to make drinks and, through osmosis, have some basic knowledge of the terrifying parts of science and space.

Amanda June 9, 2012 at 10:59 am

I wish I new the secret of moms with great babies! My first baby was that way and it was just straight luck. She was perfect and quiet and a good nurser and everyone was in awe of her perfectness. I pretty much thought I was mom of the year. See! I’M DOING IT RIGHT!

Then I had baby #2 when baby #1 was 2 years old and OHJESUS, she was a mess. I thought I would die and I sometimes seriously thought about running away and only taking baby #1 with me. I always cried and never slept and she cried all of the days and nights and hours and minutes and I lived my life wearing her on my body so my ears wouldn’t bleed.

I think it’s just luck. Hopefully it’s a 50/50 thing. I did have baby #3 a year ago and he is by far the worst but we will forget that part because it messes up the mathematical equation above and might be discouraging.

Tara O June 9, 2012 at 11:01 am

Oh, I have bad news I have two kids and I haven’t been invited to any secret meetings! haha but seriously you will be fine! you just learn how to deal! You are expecting the worst so when it isn’t that bad you will think it is AH-MAZING which might be a good thing!! Have a good weekend!

Gram June 9, 2012 at 11:04 am

My first child was a lot like yours…she took up every second of my waking life, demanding attention…me, Me, ME!!! I thought she hated me for six months, she wasn’t easy to comfort and she could SCREAM! (She actually turned out pretty well…she is now 27 and gave us our first grandbaby, who is much better behaved than she was :) She continued to demand attention after #2 was born, but my second child was gentle, never cried and very loving and cuddly. I thought “I have this shit all figured out…I am the BOMB Mom!” Then I had another….take my advice, no matter what the sex of Yoshi….DO NOT HAVE A THIRD CHILD!! That one screamed for an entire year….seriously. Actually they are all great grown-ups now, very bright (of course they are – they are MY children – hah!) I think you will be surprised at how easy the transition to two goes….the only problem might be what to do with your older one while you shower and such. I used to take my second with me and leave the first in front of the TV at shower time….oh the horror! I did leave them alone in a room for a couple of minutes when #2 was about 8 months old. I came back and #1 had dumped a potted plant on her head. #2 didn’t really seem to mind! Just remember…2 kids, 2 parents equal footing…anything more upsets the balance :)

Susan June 9, 2012 at 11:08 am

MODG, I have posted a couple of comments since I started reading your blog. My “babies” are 29 and 32…so I don’t really know if you pay any attention to my “long ago” time or discredit me as being too old….BUT….My first child was a female G….I promise! I was totally terrified for 9 months (but didn’t share with a soul because I didn’t want anyone to know)…waiting for the newbie. I don’t know if she was really easy peasy or just opposite of the screamer/monkey grabbing/no sleeper her older sister was. All I can say is…surely God doesn’t give you 2 back-to-back…..or the word would get out and there would never be another child born in the whole universe. So….here’s hoping your #2 was like mine. And, btw….they got along great when they were small, but as adults are opposites in every way…..and yes…they have the same temperament as adults as they did as kids…go figure. Good luck. I’ll be following your journey.

MODG June 9, 2012 at 1:03 pm

I read every single comments and I don’t care if you’re kids are 85 and you’re a miracle granny. I’ll take any advice I can get.

But everyone is saying…no chance you’ll have 2 G’s. just wait….

Heidi_Australia June 9, 2012 at 11:57 pm

I feel the need to weigh in here… I really feel that you cannot possibly have the same level of distress that you had with G because you were a first timer and we are all sadly underprepared. Yoshi could be as dramatic as G but your knowledge is so much greater now, you have done the dark times, your learning curve is waaaay less than last time. Basically you’re already a genuis. So Yoshi can bring it all that he/she wants, but G has already paved the way!

Jennifer June 9, 2012 at 11:21 am

The second little monster is so much easier than the first. The first is like real life changing shit, but the second just kind of eases into the madness. I mean there will still be crying fits and sleepless nights, but it is like you’ve been there done that, so no biggie. You’ve got this!!

Susie June 9, 2012 at 11:33 am

I can’t speak for myself since I only have 1 kid, BUT I have a friend whose first baby was the baby from hell. Worse than G. Cried incessantly for months, enough that her husband would call home to make sure that they were both still alive half way through the day. She was also failure to thrive and all sorts of fun issues. Anyways, long story short, my friend had 2 more kids that were nothing like their older sister. Nice, calm, happy, peaceful babies. I’m also told that I was a very high maintenance baby, but my younger brother could lay in a corner by himself for hours and not make a peep. There’s hope!!

Andrea June 9, 2012 at 11:35 am

She??? Did I miss the gender announcement post?

I have no advice for you since we are one and done. I had a VERY similar experience as you and am afraid to go through it again, so I understand your worries. You’re a strong, smart woman and you’ll figure it out just like you did with G. I give you a lot of credit for WANTING to go through all of this again. Them newborns scare the shit out of me.

Jess June 9, 2012 at 11:38 am

Okay I have two girls – 19.5 months and six weeks. Exactly 18 months apart. And it’s FINE! Really. Of course it’s hard – duh. All babies are hard, but it’s hard in the way a big school project or big work project is hard: tough and you gotta get down and dirty and put in your hours but you’re oh so proud of it when it’s over.

And the second one is really lovely. You’ve got so much stuff figured out by now that your learning curve is SO short. Mostly, you’re not stressing. “Oh the baby wants to eat a lot today? Okay.” instead of “OMG THE BABY’S EATING A LOT IS IT A GROWTH SPURT OR IS MY MILK DEFICIENT OR AM I COUNTING FEEDINGS WRONG OR AM I JUST A TERRIBLE MOM?” You roll with it SO much better. I’m actually *enjoying* my second child whereas with the first I was so stressed about every detail. Now I know that they turn into different people every few days so today’s bad habit is no big deal.

And my oldest is really great with the baby now. She’s too little to really care, but she likes to give her kisses and doesn’t mind that she’s around anymore. The first few weeks are a big adjustment (biggest issue was me being in the hospital for a whopping 36 hours – away from her) but you survive and they forget that there was ever a time without a baby. The oldest can’t really be helpful, and it’s maddening when I’m trying to get the youngest to sleep and the oldest comes in with pots and pans, but… see above re: not stressing. You just roll with it and deal with each moment as it comes.

It’s fine. And I can totally see how it’s going to be delightful soon. Not yet, but soon. :)

Kait June 9, 2012 at 1:25 pm

THIS! Exactly.

Seriously, you went through so much with G that anything Yoshi tosses at you is going to be easy, even if Yoshi is exactly like G. My two daughters are 18 months apart and yeah, it was a lot of trying to balance meeting the needs of both of them, but it really wasn’t that big of a deal because it wasn’t this unknown scary parenting world. Now we have four kids, all within 22 months of each other, and it’s pretty awesome. Everyone is staggered enough that we get a small break from the crazy phases before the next kid hits it but not so far apart that we freak. And just like Jess said – Yoshi will do something and you’ll go “Whatever kid. You weren’t here when Drama Baby attacked.”

As far as the PPD, just being aware is going to be the biggest help. Seriously. Sit down with B and have a serious conversation about how scared you are and ask him to help you come up with some warning signs that you can see looking back. I had serious post adoption depression and PTSD after each of our four adoptions. But after the first one my husband and family knew what to look for because we had the conversation of “Even if I *SAY* I’m okay, here are some warning signs…” so I got help a lot faster. Just knowing that someone else was keeping an eye on it felt reassuring.

And, if nothing else, just remember you survived year one with Drama Baby and PPD and everything else. You can do this.

Sarah June 9, 2012 at 11:57 am

I’m pregnant with my second and also terrified. I asked the internet a lot of questions before conceiving this one. The best thing I came away with was the second baby is like a very important piece of awkward luggage that you take with you everywhere. Basically that second kid is just going to live physically attached to you. I could never get used to having my daughter attached to me at all times (for instance while peeing), but I’ve gathered it’s going to be an absolute necessity this time around, so I’m just going to have to get over it and get a ring sling or something

Another piece of advice is to start having kid #1 walk places more instead of carrying/strollering. I’ve been doing this with my 2 year old, and (after an initial period of chaos) I feel like I’m actually walking around with a little person instead of a helpless being who is 100% dependent on me to move from one point to another. Basically I’m trying to get her used to some big-kid caliber stuff now instead of springing it on her when the baby is born.

rsc June 9, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Sarah, I love the advice of having kid #2 walk more places. My son is G’s age and I am almost as pregnant as Ms.MODG, and reading these comments quite closely. Getting in and out of the grocery store is easy with one. Not sure how I’m going to manage with 1 + newborn.

My main question to you and other mammas of 2 little ones is how do you handle the younger kiddos nap times? I remember when my son would take 3 naps a day. I can’t keep my older one cooped up in the house during that time for months and months, can I? Does the younger kid just deal and sleep on the go?

Jennifer June 12, 2012 at 9:37 am

Yes, the younger kid just deals and catches naps on the go. Do yourself a favor a shell out the big bucks for an ERGObaby or similar VERY comfortable baby wearing device. It will be essential. Try a lot of them and don’t be afraid to spend $150+ on it. Seriously. It. Will. Save. Your. Sanity. Getting out is good for momma as much as it is for kid #1. And being toted around is good for baby too. Just don’t make the mistake of putting the baby’s carseat on top of the grocery cart (not safe at all!). My two munchkins are much further apart than other posters (6y2m5d) so I was bringing my newborn to karate class and birthday parties at 2wks old. Truly she lived on my chest as a newborn. DH and I discussed a lot how #2 would be different from #1. For the most part, our son was EASY. We assumed DD would therefore be harder. We we’re right. So, I agree with the theory that you just can’t get two monsters back to back. And for the record, I think placenta smoothies would be worth the risk given a history of PPD. I would try it.

Whitney June 9, 2012 at 11:58 am

The second one is WAY easier than the first. Although the first 6 months kinda suck because…well, you already know because you’ve been there. I have a 3yo and an 8mo. And I’m on the antidepressants now which I started after I stopped breastfeeding (she weaned herself at 6 months and promptly sprouted a shitload of teeth already) because I got really depressed. Anywho, you’ll be fine!

Robyn June 9, 2012 at 11:59 am

I am a mom of two, exactly two years apart. They are now 2 1/2 and 7 months. The thing I’ve learned so far is… You will be okay… You’ll be okay because you have to be. What works one day, won’t work the next. Most of the time they’ll be crying at the same time. Your oldest will need you the absolute most when you can’t pick them up. But it’ll all be ok. You will figure everything out, promise. Some days I’m just happy I’ve managed to keep them alive. It is hard, so hard. But the first time that baby smiles at his/her big brother, it’ll all be worth it. Promise. :)

Anne June 9, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Oh it’s SO MUCH BETTER the second time around. You actually do know what you are doing (as much as you ever can with children), you will be so much more relaxed and calmer. While there is no secret club (no one invited me!!), it isn’t bad. At all. G will probably ignore the baby for the most part, and about 2 weeks into it all you’ll go “DUH, I’m not the first person to have 2 kids close in age, and all those moms drag the kids to the pool, why can’t I?”. It will most likely even help G realize that perhaps he isn’t the center of the universe and can stand to wait an extra 30 seconds for his specific banana. A little extra crying/whining from him can be expected, but nothing you can’t handle. You WILL cry your eyes out for a week about how sad you are that G isn’t your only baby, he looks GIANT, he is still an infant and now you RUINED his life with sibling, WHAAAAAAH….but calmer heads will prevail and it will pass. Not necessarily resentment towards new baby, just sadness that you life isn’t all about your first born anymore. However, you are giving him the GREATEST gift of a sibling, a playmate and friend for LIFE. If all else fails….wine.

I had 3 kids in 3 years…my oldest will be 4 in August. This is pretty much the only subject on the planet I can speak about with authority and knowledge.

Khadijah June 9, 2012 at 12:10 pm

I am not in the club. BUT my sister has 4 kids with one on the way.. all under 7. Sometimes she will let me in the club for 10 minutes. I have observed her use the younger kids as her “helper”. Maybe G will be down for a game of “Get Mommy a diaper” or “Get Mommy a pepsi” as he gets older. Also- I think.. what’s the worse that can happen? G prepped you for no sleep, cries around the clock, 24/7 drama baby.. this new baby should be a breeze. YOU GOT THIS. If she’s exactly like G- you know what to expect. If she never cries- OMG.. what will you do with all your time!?!

Lluvia June 9, 2012 at 12:15 pm

I thought I was the only one who thought there is a man hiding, watching my every move waiting to kill me. (however, I do sleep with a knife under my pillow, and practice in my mind how I would kill him).

Now that I weirded you out, I think that it might get easier the second time around, although, if it’s a girl, let me tell you, they’re usually more dramatic.

My 2 yr old (it could be the terrible 2’s), has embarrassed me enough, and she’s only been around for about 2.5 years, with the latest calling me “stupid mommy!” :-( She’s 2 going on 15!!! God help me!

But you know, the best part of it, is that G is actually going to be a great entertainer. I heard that 2nd children learn to talk faster because of the older siblings. G will be able to “fetch” diapers and such. There’s the upside.

As for PPD, I didn’t take meds, but I ATE A LOT!!! If I ever have another child, I will TAKE the MEDS!

Ashley June 9, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Just found this blog bc my friends LOVE it. Okay, so I’ve got a 3yr old, 19mo old, and one due in Oct. Let me just say that EVERYONE spends a ridiculous amount of time crying their eyes out after the birth of baby #1… that’s one of the hardest times ever that you can never be ready for, and the only way out is through. Two is nothing like that same earth-shaking experience; it’s such a smoother transition because you’ve already made the HUGE transition into parenthood. It’s still really hard, but not the same kind of “let’s just end it all now” hard. Because you’re already doing it – now you’re just doing more of it. One thing I’ll say is the nursing all the time thing with a newborn is tricky with a toddler. Just know (and find peace with) you’re bigger one will be watching too much tv and pawned off on willing family members for a little while. That can really make you feel like crap, but it’s definitely temporary. I hope this one sleeps for you – that can make a world of difference.

I also had ppd both times, possibly circumstantial because the first time I went through utter hell with breastfeeding for 3 months (nipples looked like raw ground beef – so nasty), till I realized I had a raging thrush infection. Once that cleared up I was fine. Then with #2 had a totally unexpected emergency c-section – true emergency as in I had to be put under and husband couldn’t even be there. I lost so much blood that it was like 3 months before my blood volume was back to normal, which made me incredibly weak and was just terrible. SO if I have a “normal” delivery and no major problems this time, I could (*hopefully*) bypass the whole ppd things, which is just the worst EVER. But I’m actually considering (gag) having my placenta encapsulated out of sheer desperation to NOT feel that way this time. So it may be worth a shot, except that it’s so weird and I really don’t want to have to ask the hospital folks if I can keep the placenta… we’ll see.

Remember, even if it’s awful, it’s temporary. Good luck!

smashleighmm June 9, 2012 at 12:25 pm

One thing I was always curious about but felt weird asking was, “How and when do you shower?” When my daughter was a baby I would put her down for a nap and take a shower with my older daughter in the tub with me. Now that she’s a toddler I usually do it the same way but if I need to I can put her in the shower too. It gets a little crowded but I’m clean when I’m done. Another bit of advice for you is to try to coordinate G’s nap with one of the baby’s. My daughter’s afternoon nap moved from 12ish to 2ish so I could have some quiet time in the afternoon. You lay down whichever one you anticipate will sleep the longest first. I bought one of these- http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002M77N22/ref=oh_details_o06_s00_i00 . You can put the baby in it and slide it around the house. It is also great when they have a cold because it keeps their head elevated. It also makes a great laundry basket- bonus!

Jamie June 9, 2012 at 12:35 pm

ok, so i have a 10 week old, Rexley, and a 16 month old, Brigsby. At first it is terrifyingly overwhelming even if they’re both kind of well behaved and sleep alright. Once you push past the adjustment period it’s not that bad. It’s only kind of sort of more a pain in the ass to go out and do stuff – kind of like how it got a little harder when you went from 0 kids to 1 kid. Brigs would get jealous of Rex when I fed him because he never had to share me before, but he got used to it real quick and adores Rex. Like full on kisses him and I catch him trying to feed him and put his socks on and shit. Plan on feeling inadequate when they both scream for different shit at the same time and getting nothing done ever for like a month. I cried hysterically once because it took 3 fucking hours to make a small batch of juice. and bedtime takes doubly long so I don’t have as much time to do all the things I feel I should be doing, so I drink beer while I simultaneously take a bath with Brigs. when you go somewhere, stick G in the cart and wear Yoshi. and people will bend over backwards to help you when you’re out and about in public. I haven’t unloaded my grocery cart is months. strangers do it for me. it’s scary as fuck but I swear it becomes second nature really really fast. and crying is ok. sometimes it makes the toddler laugh, which I guess is good.

Carol-Anne (Use The Good Dishes!) June 9, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Don’t know HOW anyone does this. My first one was such a terrifyingly ‘challenging’ child, that I never had another. The end.

Leyna June 9, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Good advice I’ve read and agree with, having a 6yr old & 3.5 yr old: Never leave them alone together until the youngest is old enough to tattle. That’s when you see those “funny” pictures of babies with Sharpie all over their faces. Bring snacks and restraint devices everywhere (in that vein, invest in a double stroller, and rig up a barrier if necessary–I made mine out of foam board). Let G “help” as much as possible–washing pump parts was a fave activity of my oldest. Retrieving diapers and vacuuming with the dust buster were fun, too. Have mini sensory bins put together for nursing time, and set G up with one of those before you whip out the boob. Forget about trying to have them sleep at the same time, and thank your lucky stars if it just happens. Our youngest still goes to bed later than his older sister, but it’s ok. I get alone time with her during his daytime nap, and alone time with him after she’s in bed. Most of all, remember that it does get easier (even on the crappy days now when they’re fighting constantly, it’s STILL easier than when he was attached to my boob and she was crying in my leg). While you might find yourself crying in the bottom of the shower stall a few times, soon enough Yoshi will be 6 months old and laughing at G, who will be the most entertaining thing on the planet. And by the time Yoshi is 2, you might look up and realize they’ve been entertaining each other for 30 straight minutes and no one has needed you for that whole time. That’s happened to me more times than I can count now (sometimes it’s an hour!!), it still shocks the shit out of me every time. Good luck, mama. You can do it. Because you have to.

MODG June 9, 2012 at 1:07 pm

good advice overall. You are a winner.

Mindy Clarke June 11, 2012 at 1:12 pm

I love Leynas advice! Thanks for sharing this..It’s so nice to know that other mothers out there struggle – even if EVERYONE doesn’t talk about it!

Mindy

Kelly June 9, 2012 at 12:43 pm

SO, I had my 2nd in February –exactly 2 weeks after my then 23-month-old (Ruby) was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes –holy hell!! I was preparing for the worst– I thought this would be more work than 2 humans could possibly take on! I honestly wished baby #2 (Eloise) would just stay up there for like another year until I was ready to deal with it all–instead she came a month early. However, once she was here –I realized just like your heart has the capacity to love another baby equally you also have the capacity to take on all the work that goes into another babe.

Also, the 2nd time around everything does seem easier –labor was easier, nursing was easier, getting up at night was easier, listening to a little crying– not such a big deal. I totally feel the the life-changer that is spawn #1 cannot be replicated. You go from having all this time to NONE! By the time #2 comes you have already settled on the fact that your life barely belong to you anymore and you are at the beck and call of your demanding little munchkin! So you just end up doing a little bit more of the same shit you are already doing! And there are SO many heart-warming moments between two kids!! Granted there are days where Ruby has yelled “Mama put your boobies away and come play with me!” and there are days where I feel like a hostage to Eloise’s naps but overall I wouldn’t change a thing –YOU CAN DO IT!! Not only that but you’ll love it!

Ash a lee June 9, 2012 at 12:49 pm

I was also so, so nervous to have 2. My first is amazing and hilarious and smart and awesome

But also crazy as shit and won’t go to sleep
By herself, needs 30 minutes of snuggles after nap and wants everything “just so”. How will I function? How will I handle naps? How will I do double bath? How will I not go
Completely crazy?
Baby 2 was a cry baby. Like all the time. Happily, he slept a large part of his newborn days. So then he wasn’t crying. But we had time to adjust. And my first loves him. Runs in his room in the morning, bangs on the crib, singing songs. Loves. He melded into our normal routine over time. It will happen, youll all adjust.
Items I needed: double stroller, becco, pack n play (and toddler mattress cause then she wanted in our room too), baby doll with fully stocked doll diaper bag (we gave it to her when we came home with her brother), books about big sister ness, including a shutterfly book of her as a baby. She wanted to see that she was lavished with equal attention.
This became a novel. But you’ll be fine. They will work well together. I believe in you!

MODG June 9, 2012 at 1:08 pm

good idea about the doll and diaper bag

Bethany June 9, 2012 at 4:09 pm

My son was NOT interested in the doll. I tried so hard, bought a fancy expensive organic one. He looked at it and said, “No real baby.” and he sat on it. I think my daughter, who has loved anything with a face since she was 8 months old, will love this if we have another baby.

I would recommend a back up plan, like someone you know with a baby. Just to teach him that babies are little, you should not touch their head, talk quietly and sweetly to them, etc. That was good modeling practice.

I would get him a gift – like a big Battat Garbage Truck – or at least buy one to give when baby is 1 month old and people have stopped bringing gifts for him over. SO many people bring over big brother gifts!

Kristy June 9, 2012 at 6:06 pm

My mom got me a doll when my little sister was born – I was two and a half. I scribbled all over its face with a blue pen and ripped an arm off. My mom was a little worried. BUT . . . my sister is now my BFF. So it all turned out alright. My mom also still has that doll as proof.

M June 9, 2012 at 12:50 pm

I’m 21 weeks with a one year old baby boy. My first child is now almost 14. So, I’m on my third, and it’s another boy. Trying to deal with teenage hormonal meltdowns and a newborn baby that shoots poop lava out of his butt every two hours was even challenging. Although, she really loves her brother, and was a huge help, it was still such an emotional rollercoaster. At this point, all I can do is just take it one day at a time, and forgive myself for not being able to do or be it all. Even though my teenager can’t, and reminds me of this every month when she is in the throes of PMS and hating me more than usual.

I have good days, and I have really wonderful and amazing days, and then I have those really difficult days. What has helped more than anything is having the support of my loving fiance, who lets me have whatever kind of a day I’m having, and buys me chocolate and stuff, and loves me even when I have my pregnancy meltdowns and tells me I’m beautiful, even when I’m a mess.

I don’t know how I’m going to handle having two so close together, (whilst) having an angry 14-year-old to boot – but I’m going to, and I’m going to do the best that I can, and take it one moment, one minute, one hour, or one day at a time if need be.

Good luck! We’re in this together! I wish there was a secret club, I would so sign up for that shit. ;-)

Esther June 9, 2012 at 12:53 pm

You already have done all the hard work with G!
My babies are 22 months and 5 months. We moved into a new house the week before our 2nd was born–talk about bat shit crazy. Anyway, I was terrified of what I had gotten myself into ad had all the same fears and questions as you. But, I survived. And you will, too. I can’t give any advice on how or any special tricks, but trust me, you will be amazed at how it will be easier than you imagined.
Don’t get me wrong: I definitely have moments where I lose my mind. I yell at my husband, go in the bathroom and cry, or pour a big glass of wine and shut my eyes for a minute. Being a mommy is hard no matter how many kids you have. Trust me, though: the second one will just fit in like he/she had been there all along….
Feel free to email me if you want. I am happy to share! I just don’t want to take up a lot of space here. :)

kal June 9, 2012 at 1:19 pm

I only have 1, but he also hated sleep. He refused to sleep and was always awake pushing me to the brink of my sanity. I took him to a pediatric chiropractor – the next day he took 3 naps and slept through the night. He’s been doing that ever since. It might be unconventional, but I was willing to try anything and I’m so thankful it worked.

MODG June 9, 2012 at 1:23 pm

I should have probably listed everything we tried:
chiropractor
placenta pills
naturopath
special digestive doctors at CHOP
magic spells
gripe water
gas meds

really you name it

Jessica June 9, 2012 at 1:45 pm

They are going to kick me out of the d*mn club for spilling all the secrets, so delete this comment after you read it because I’m on the board of directors now. Also had first baby who did the cry-for-no-reason-any-and-all-the-time (which made mommy cry a lot). He also spit up CONSTANTLY and was what lots of people kindly referred to as “tense” or “high-strung.” I had some serious PPD issues until I figured out how to make mommy friends and sometimes leave my house (around the 1 year mark). Even though it was my idea to have another one, I was so mad at my husband and so scared once we were preggo. I didn’t know how I could handle that experience again. Turns out, what all these other moms are saying is true. It can NEVER be as bad the second time when you have had such a rough go on the first round. Because you have been there. You already know how to parent an infant. OF COURSE Yoshi will be different in her (his) own ways but you’ve got the basics down and look at G – he’s fabulous and YOU did that with a high needs baby and he is THRIVING because you did it. IF this second baby is also a cryer, you will no longer feel like you are a bad mother (I spent nearly the first entire year – ok maybe a bit longer -feeling like I was a bad mother) because now you know that some babies just cry and you try to let them know you are there for them AND it’s not because you are doing anything wrong. You also know that a baby who screams for a year can grow into someone totally fab.

Also, when my second baby was born I was prepared to go into survival mode and it worked out really well. For several (maybe 6-8) weeks, my 2 yo (he was 2+6wks when #2 was born) would sometimes fall asleep for his nap on the living room floor with the TV still on. I’m not even going to tell you how often the TV was on. Sometimes when the baby fell asleep I just laid on the floor beside the toddler and slept too. I made a sidecar of the crib so I could sit up, nurse, put baby in crib, lay back down and check out. I had snacks for toddler AND me that he could get for both of us. And pre-filled water bottles. I let the house get messy. I let my toddler have a bath in the sink just like the baby. I let him go to bed without a bath. I mentally “let go” of all our routines before the baby came and decided that we were going to do whatever worked best at that moment. It worked. My toddler LOVED it, and was so happy to have time “to himself” – it was kinda shocking. He really hardly noticed or cared about the baby until baby became mobile. (HE”S GOING TO TOUCH MY TOYS!) and by then I had myself together. I let him sit on the other side of my chair when baby nursed, he held a book and I read it to him. The two things that were totally a must for me with #2 were a sling (or fabric, weightless carrier of some kind) and safe co-sleeping. I found it easier to go places and handle things with a toddler and an infant than I ever did with my first infant. Was #2 easy? No. I would say it wasn’t as bad as #1 but that might be just because I was mentally prepared for it. Is #2 opposite in every way from his brother? Yes. Yes he is. You might suffer PPD again and you might have another cryer, and sometimes Yoshi will cry for a few minutes without help bc there are two little people, but you will make it and it will not be as bad as you are afraid it might be. You can do it. I think every family has a really hard adjustment once. For some people (me/you) it was the first baby. For some people they get cake the first time and pie-in-the-face the second. But you totally can rock it, MODG. I’m sorry this comment is a post/novel of it’s own. We’ve got your back, mama. Here is a guest post I wrote about having a second child http://adiaryofamadwoman.com/2011/06/subsequent-children-universal-truths-2/

Lilli's Mom June 9, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Hi MODG- I have to girls – 28 month and 3 month – and you can call both “high-needers”.
(I soooo know what it means to pick and CUT or not cut the right banana…). BUT: It is easier than I thought it would be. Here are just some basic rules that I follow:

1.) don’t expect to poop alone for a very long time. Most of the times I have the baby on my lap and the toddler right beside me trying to get the toilet brush to “clean the bathroom”.
2.) don’t expect to get a shower every day (and never in the morning!!!I take 20 second showers every other night (or third) when my husband comes home)
3.) forget about makeup. Its just to dangerous to look in the mirror and not at the kids.
4.) You need a mantra….Whenever both of my girls scream at the top of their lungs AT THE SAME TIME….I try to laugh and say my mantra (soon they will be old and I will miss situations like this….yeah right…)
5.) GET A BABY CARRIER. If you don’t have one already get one. I am telling you. It is my live saver and I swear I would go crazy without it. Baby # 2 has never slept a minute in the stroller (f…… double stroller for $$$$$).

But you know what? You’ll be more relaxed. This time you know what it means to live with a baby and it is not completely new and life-changing. AND we women have super power. My husband is great but I swear he could never do what I do with so little sleep and no me-time.

And you know what? My older one woke up 10 times/ night until she was 18 month. I swear she was the worst.sleeper.ever. The second one sleeps pretty good and I am so thankful for that! On the down side…I sleep with both girls in one bed and my husband in the guest room…. Well…soon they will be old and I will miss that…..

GOOD LUCK! I AM SOOOO SURE YOU WILL ROCK YOSHI

April June 9, 2012 at 2:38 pm

My first as a toddler + my second as a baby has actually been easier for me than just having my first as a baby. Okay, maybe the first two months were just as bad. But I was the same way, wondering how I’d handle two when my first was so high maintenance. I didn’t realize he would get easier and more independant as he got older. And then my second was a completely different baby. You will make it through and love having two!

Nicole W June 9, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Ok, so im a 29 yr old stay at home mom and have 6 kids 6 and under. My first two were born only 14 months apart. Let me reassure u, the first baby is the hardest! Im a spoiled only child who never held a baby, let alone changed a diaper, and although my first was not ‘colicky’, it still seemed impossibly hard for me at the time to be a mother. Mainly because everything changes completely. When you eat, when you sleep, when you shower, use the bathroom, leave the house….everything! Its a hard transition. But the second one is waaaaaaaaaay easier because you know what to expect. The major life changes already took place with the first child and now you just have to tweak it a bit for the second. You know how you’ll feel after birth, you got the breastfeeding thing down, you know not to expect 8 hours of sleep, you know leaving the house takes more preparation, etc. You might even find the second child a piece of cake, especially if the first gave you a run for your money. You might feel better, more confident and able to enjoy the infant stage more. I know I have. And the great thing is, when the baby gets a bit older, you wont be the sole source of enetertainment, the kids will play with each other which is awesome, especially since they are so close in age. And having them so close in age, you never really got out of the baby/toddler phase yet so the transition back to a baby will be so much easier. Dont worry, you will do great! But try and get out of the house with them. Find other moms and have playdates, go for walks, to the playground…anything. Just get out there with other adults and kiddos and it will make the time fly by. This is a lot harder to do with the 6 kids so Im glad I was able to do this and make alot of friends beforehand. You need those friends and those other moms. and no joke, take it one day at a time. Try not to worry. With everything you went thru with G and trying to find what food was bothering his stomach, you are a champ and an awesome caring mom who will be just as amazing, if not more, with the second baby.

Morgan June 13, 2012 at 3:29 pm

someone get this chick a medal!

Leah June 9, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Lean in close, and I’ll share the secret of survival …
COME TO OUR PLAYGROUP!
I seriously don’t know how I would have made it through without finding these awesome moms. Everyone’s kids are celebrated for their unique strengths, and heads are put together to cluck over challenges and suggest ways to cope with difficulties. And everyone SHARES their difficulties, honestly. I can’t tell you how many times I left a gathering with the weight of the world lifted, because even though I was dealing with a devil child, at least he didn’t have X’s problem. (And I’m sure they felt the same way after hearing my stories).
We’re in Mt. Airy, so you know, I’m kinda serious. There are 12 families that have been meeting weekly for 2 years now, and about half of them already have their 2nd kids. We call them “playgroup 2.0″.

Or maybe the folks on here can be your playgroup :)

Maggie June 9, 2012 at 3:56 pm

I have a 2-month old and a 21-month old. It is totally hard and people that say it isn’t are straight up lying to you. And, I even have “easy” babies who sleep all the damn time. I suggest lots of wine, frozen meals, and stockpiling many, many activities that you can do without leaving the house because just going to Target is now an epic event that makes me cringe. Buy a big ass swingset for your yard so G has something to do outside that makes him tired. I think we are just now getting to the point where I can see how having two might be manageable in a few months. Sigh. love you MODG. but this shit is real. take advantage of your freedom now :)

Bethany June 9, 2012 at 4:01 pm

My babies are 21 months apart. I was scared to be alone with them both for the first month when my husband went back to work from 6AM to 3PM. And I know those are kind of perfect hours. But I had to change expectations and routines. I had to adjust that going out to a park/grocerystore/other store just could not happen, not in the same day, and maybe not in the same week at first. We had to be homebodies. I also had to let my kid start watching TV regularly, because I couldn’t play with an almost 2 year old while I nursed the baby. So we started to love PBS Kids during nursing time. I also had to just let the baby sleep in privacy, away from my son and I, during the day, when I really wanted to be watching her and holding her. In some way, the baby was less of a part of our famliy and more like a responsibility, for the first 3 months or so. She just had to eat, sleep, get clean. I must have had unrealistic expectations of all of us bonding together. Now that she is 13 months old, we do play with her all day and she is a perfect blend to the familly, and I can take both kids out almost all morning almost every single morning of the week. But I absolutely could not have done it a year ago.

Marion June 9, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Two is definitely easier for everything but sleep. At the beginning, when your newborn isn’t sleeping, your toddler still requires you to get up. TV is your friend during this special time. In general, sleep is the issue, bc if one isn’t up, the other might be. There is no way Yoshi will be as high needs as G. Bc you won’t be near as stressed out learning to be a mother at the same time. You’ll be shocked at how much calmer the 2nd time around is for everyone. Biggest thing is don’t forget to eat! Eat, drink, and learn to function on little sleep, and you’ve got this in the bag. ;)

Nat June 9, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Everyone says you won’t have 2 kids the same…. But I did. They are both exactly like me. No longer a meaningless threat made by my mother… “you just wait….” they are both the same. Boy and girl. 2 years apart. However, they were not the same as infants. My first was one of those great babies who slept and ate exceptionally well. My second was the screamapillar.

Kind of sucked to assume my second would be like my first and was jarred into reality the first night home when she didn’t SHUT HER EYES from 7pm-5:30am.
Maybe you will be lucky like my sister who expected to have another screamer and then was pleasantly surprised by a wonderful happy sleepy good eater. Much easier to expect the worst! Plus as many have said, the 2nd is just easier anyway. Even though my 2nd was/is(!) feisty as hell, it was easier to deal with. Old hat. Except for the moments you close the bathroom door behind you, leaving the 2 of them alone in the same room together (gasp!) and cry. But mostly fine.

Sara June 9, 2012 at 4:38 pm

My kids are 2 years, 4 months apart, and I was terrified when my son was born. I was pleasantly surprised. The first two months were really hard, but after that it got much easier. Mainly, breastfeeding was so much easier with #2. Recovering from the birth was so much easier (planned c-section with #2) because I knew what to expect. Babyhood in general was so easy. When family came to help, I had them help with the toddler, who was stir-crazy in the house. The baby was easy: nurse, snuggle, change diaper. He was fussy sometimes, but not terribly. Mostly, the second time, I did things preemptively. Preemptive strikes were eliminating dairy and going on Zoloft. Both great decisions. I also wasn’t so worried about doing things wrong with my second. My second baby slept in a vibrating bouncer in the pitch-black bathroom with the deafening fan on for months. I didn’t spend anxious hours obsessing that he would never sleeping in his crib, like I would have done with my first. Also, a cute transition idea: we had my in-laws take my daughter to Build-A-Bear on their way to the hospital. She designed a bear for herself and one for her baby brother. They came directly to the hospital and she gave him his present. We also had a present from him waiting for her at the hospital. It was cute. Good luck.

Elyse June 9, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Oh MODG I know exactly where you’re coming from. My kids are 16 months apart, my daughter turned 2 in April and my son turned 9 months yesterday. For the last month that I was pregnant with my son, I cried almost non stop. My husband would constantly come home to find me in tears, because I was terrified about the idea of having 2 kids, both so young. Mostly I felt guilty, I was convinced when my son arrived that I would never get to spend time with my daughter one-on-one.
With all my expertly mothering knowledge though, I think it’s pretty safe to say you won’t get two kids the same. Mine were opposite- daughter was super angel perfect textbook baby, slept through the night at 6 weeks; nursed like a pro and was just generally easy all round. Then my son arrived. He still just cries for no reason. Still doesn’t sleep all night. It’s just a weird universe keeping the balance kind of thing.
But you manage two SO much better than one. Swear to Britney. It took us a while to get the hang of everything, but after the first 3 months, I seriously felt like I had been doing it forever and I’d always had two kids. It’s easier when they’re little too, because baby G won’t even be two when Yoshi arrives- you’ll find that after a little while they forget that they were an only child. The first thing that my daughter says to me now, every time she will wake up from a sleep, is ask where her brother is. Melts my heart.
Nursing in the first few weeks is rough but TV will be your best friend (more than now) keep G occupied with snacks, drinks and a buttload of toys. Make sure you have it all ready before you sit down to nurse. Don’t sweat the little things. Dont even worry about cleaning. If people offer to help in the first few weeks, TAKE IT. don’t feel too proud. And if visitors come round that are notorious for staying too long, get them to do your laundry. (no shit. My aunt came round once a week but would be at my house for like, 6 hours. Make em work for it) You WILL slip into a routine, but it takes a bit of time. Get cooking while you’re pregnant, and freeze meals so you don’t have to cook early on.
Double prams are expensive but they are a freaking lifesaver. If both kids are being difficult, put them in the pram and walk til they go to sleep. Double points for helping lose baby weight too.
I have my fingers crossed for a little vagina for you!! Are you going to tell us when you find out??

Love and sparkles oxoxoxo

You can do it, for reals. Britney has 2 kids. Nicole Richie has 2 kids. Bethenny wants another one. They can do it, so can you!

Jenny G. June 9, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Huh. I have no answers to your questions… BUT, I’m glad you wrote this post. ‘Cause see, I just gave birth to my own drama-baby a month ago, and now I’m realizing that I need to go back and re-read all of your posts from when G was little. I didn’t eat my placenta (I didn’t even get to see it, is it weird that I’m kind of bummed about that?), but I don’t want to teeter over the edge into the PPD hole. Teach me how to make the mommy friends, MODG. Teach me.

MODG June 9, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Get your ass to a breastfeeding group. Everyone cries and then you are all best friends.

Kelli G June 9, 2012 at 6:43 pm

I’m sure someone has already suggested these things, but I’ll be honest – too many people love you and I don’t have time to read every one. I would very much qualify for the club, but I don’t have time to be in that either. I have a 2.5 year old boy and 9 month old twin boys. Yeah, I’m that dipshit that’s like, yeah 2 years would be a good age difference between siblings, let’s start trying now because it’ll probably take a few months … and then we go to Mexico and have crazy amounts of sex because we’ve been living apart for 3 months and HELLO we’re childless and then we move 1000 miles away from our family and BOOM: TWINS.

Yeah, no time to do anything. And no brain left either. And PPD/PPA. None of my boys were huge criers, but even occasional criers cause chaos when they’re doing it in tandem or just taking turns so there’s never any silence. And I’ve been on my own with them during the day since they were 3.5 weeks old.

BUT it’s totally survivable. My biggest bits of advice:
-Throw the shower dreams out the window until your husband gets home at night. Then throw the children at him and run.
-Freezer meals. Stock your freezer before the little one arrives. Bribe/beg/pay someone else to do it for you once the baby comes. Prep and cleanup are so much quicker and easier than actually preparing a meal.
-Strap that kid to you in some way, shape, or form.
-Start training your 2 year old to be your bitch. I was skeptical that mine would help at first, but he eventually came around. And even though he sometimes takes 5 minutes to bring me a damn diaper, it’s worth it.
-Schedule. Schedule, schedule, schedule. Of course, if kiddo is a crier, it might be tough. But if you can get them both to nap at the same time, it’ll be a little piece of heaven in the middle of your day.

Good luck sister friend. You can do it.

Ashley June 9, 2012 at 6:46 pm

I’m in the same boat. I have an almost 4 year old and I’m pregnant (10 weeks) so I’m curious as to how I’m going to make it. My oldest will be in prek part time once this new baby is born so that will help. But my husband works 2nd shift so I’ll be alone from 3p-12a everynight. :/

I’m glad my oldest has an early bedtime but this little one I hope will be nice to me lol.

Sarah June 9, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Hi – I never comment but had to come and say something here as your post brought so much back.

I have two boys – 18 months apart. And really, having two was easier than a toddler + being pregnant.

The one thing I found that really helped me through the day and alleviate some of that guilt that I was giving each *enough* was to decide mornings were for boy #1 and afternoons were for boy #2.

So in the morning we just went out and did our usual activities – playgroup, coffee with other Mums (Essential – my Mum friends are my lifeline), park etc etc. And baby boy #2 just came along and slept whenever and where-ever (he just had to suck it up).
Afternoons, we came home, all had lunch, both boys slept. Initially tried to sleep but would feel so much grumpier with the boys if I got woken up (after all – nighttime is bad enough, didn’t want to get woken during the day). So I just took that time to read blogs/magazines/books/TV and drink coffee and was kind to ME (NO housework). Then afternoons we’d stay at home… boy #1 would potter about and boy #2 would have his sleeps in his bed. This meant boy#2 got a great nap and boy#1 learned to play at home and didn’t expect busy activities all day long.

I’d prepare dinner EARLY and we ate EARLY. Even now (they are 3 & 4) we often eat dinner at 4.30pm. Hunger is dealt with and it frees up the ‘witching hours’ for bath, books and bed.

I also put #1 in the shower instead of bath so I didn’t have to worry about him drowning…. and spent many hours sitting on #1’s bedroom floor BF and singing songs.

It wasn’t easy and it is only now that I’m really (and I TRUTHFULLY mean it) enjoying them. And there really is nothing better than seeing your kiddos play together.

Jesse June 9, 2012 at 7:12 pm

I’m using you as a guinea pig to see how this two kids thing goes. My son is almost 11 months old and since he was about 2 days old people have been asking when we’re going to have another and how many we want. My son was pretty much a dream baby. He slept well (with us) and didn’t cry too much (as long as he was being held.) But it still felt like a bomb went off in my life and I’m not sure I can do it again. Maybe going from normal to mother is a big shock and going from mother of one to mother of two isn’t that big of a deal. I’d love to be pregnant again and giving birth wasn’t rally that big of a deal (home birth=awesome), but I don’t think I can handle an infant again, especially as I’m just starting to get my life back.
I’m using this comments section to sort through my thoughts while husband and baby are out for a walk. Also while having a homemade watermelon margarita.
Isn’t it ok to be fine with just one kid? Just cause the first one is awesome doesn’t mean I have to have more, right? People are so annoying.

Kristen @ Miami Housewife June 9, 2012 at 7:21 pm

I’m in the same boat. I’m about six weeks away from delivering baby #2 and instead of being petrified of giving birth (like I was with my first), I’m terrified this one is going to be as tough as – or worse than – my son. The only consolation I can offer you (and myself) is that everyone I know who had a tough first kid had a smiley, happy, easygoing second child. Fingers crossed it works out that way for both of us!

Rosie June 9, 2012 at 8:02 pm

My 2 are 18.5 months apart (16 months and almost 3) and I’m about as far along as you are with #3. Here are my thoughts:

1. Close together is NOT as hard as everyone thinks it is. And you will feel a little bit (a lot) superior to all those moms who wait 2, 2.5, 3 years to have their second kid. Who needs rest? BABIES NOW! Because here’s the great thing about having another baby when your first is young – within a week or two, #1 has totally forgotten that he was ever an only child!

2. Read ALL the books about babies NOW and all the time. Get G super-excited about this baby and ALL babies so that when he/she finally makes an appearance G is like, “THAT’S MY BABY AND EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!”

3. Don’t forget that you still have several months to go. Several months of development in a toddler is HUGE. G will be totally different by the time #2 is born. Start training him to play independently, set aside special toys that keep him occupied without you for long periods of time, and don’t be afraid of TV. Want to know how I showered in the early months? #2 would go down for a nap in her swing. #1 would go in the basement with an Elmo DVD. 30 minutes of free time!

4. Remember that teeny tiny babies are the most portable – you can go wherever the heck you want in the first 4 or 5 months as long as you wear #2 everywhere. Seriously, SO easy to do whatever you want with no set naptimes. It’s harder when they get on a schedule – that’s when you start inviting mom friends (like everyone you meet at LLL) to your house for play dates so that you don’t have to worry about disrupting the nap schedule!

My kids are seriously obsessed with each other. Like, their first words upon waking up in the morning are each other’s names. Things will seem easier as you get closer to your due date, and they will GET easier once you give birth. Good luck!

Annalisa June 12, 2012 at 9:15 pm

This is so nice to read! My babies will be 17 months apart and all the things you said are things I have thought but there’s a lot of haters! People seem to be fixated on potty training, naptime, etc. and that doesn’t stress me out. I love my little one won’t have the capacity to really be jealous and since it seems like we just had her I think I feel more prepared. if we had waited I think it would be so much harder.

Nina June 9, 2012 at 8:04 pm

Whatever kind of baby Yoshi turns out to be, just remember you’re not alone. Somewhere out there, another mom is struggling with the same shit you are. And keep blogging about it, because those other moms are going to be glad to see that there’s someone out there feeling their pain.

S June 9, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Honestly, everyone is telling you that no way no how will the universe ever give you two drama babies back to back, and they really are most likely right, BUT, if it does? You will be FINE. More than fine. Even if Yoshi pulls all the same shit G pulled, it’s not going to look even half as bad, because when G did it you knew NOTHING about parenting. Now you’ve been through the worst (I don’t know how to phrase that where it doesn’t look like I’m calling G the worst. I’m not, promise!) so even if you’re given the same exact type of baby and feel just as clueless on how to deal with her, the whole shock factor is gone. For me having a drama baby, part of the horror was that I was just totally, completely shocked that babies could even BE like this. Now you know, and Yoshi can’t do anything that G didn’t do. She may do the same things, but nothing will scare you more than when G was a drama baby screaming for hours on end. Seriously though, you will do great. Your body goes into survival mode and sometimes you won’t even realize how hard it is until things get easier and you look back and realize it was hard, but usually that’s after the hard stuff is over! I know it’s hard not to worry and it’s pointless telling you not to, but you really are going to kick ass at this too!

AlexisAnne June 9, 2012 at 9:29 pm

It’ll totally be fine. 2nd babies are SO different than 1st ones. Just already having been through it once you know that “this too shall pass” on a totally different level. My 2nd was colicky (1st was not), and even that was only a few months of temporary insanity. Small drops in the puddle of the grand scheme, you’ll be fine!

Andrea June 9, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Hi!!
I have commented a couple times before and this time I saw your bat signal. (Er. My friend tipped me off to your plea.) I have a son that was born November 30, 2010 and a two week old. No, we do not waste time. My husband’s old. Tell him I said that. My first baby was a son, Everett (E), and he is “high needs” like G. I have totally identified with your posts and your stress, and your hormones and your pulling your hair out.
Several things: 1. Hopefully your karma is good enough and you’ll get a chiller baby the second time. (I did.) This one’s like me, E’s like my husband. Ha. 2. You’ve been through it all, so it’s easier the second time. There is a lot less freaking out in general–think about it, the first time not only were you panicked about being a parent, but you also had to deal with crazy body things that you’d never imagined (lightning crotch, anyone?) and plusalso, you had SO MUCH RESEARCH to do regarding every little tiny baby gadget and parenting process. That takes a lot out of a girl. 3. Your hormones were already all jacked and hopefully that means that they’ll even out a little easier the second time around–mine did this time by A LOT. I was a sobbing, crying mess for like 6 months last time. And this time, I still have a little bit of that, but so far, nothing even close to the first time around. And FINALLY (God, I’m long winded), you have already been beaten into submission by a baby turned toddler. You know that they can torture you and you’ll still love them. This is an umbrella statement for things like: eating/reflux issues (awesome, loved it.), sleeping (what’s that?) and toddler tantrums (kill me now.)
So what I’m trying to say is: You can handle it. There are a variety of different factors that make it totally okay, but overall, the biggest one is Love. It got you through the first time, and no matter what, it’ll get you through the second time. I can’t honestly believe how simple the transition has been to two or how much my heart has grown. My favorite part about two is that you will see G in a whole different light. He will be a big brother.

&Hearts

Melissa June 9, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Get a baby doll.. seriously its okay to let him play with the baby doll,work it into your daily routine to let him get used to the idea of having a baby in the house, let him feel like hes helping to pick out the decoration and names and all that other stuff, my sons high matience and was a complete drama baby now hes some kind of demanding superstar but when it comes to his sister everythings at a stop and he will do anything for her,as for other babies we’re getting used to being around other ones but his sister is his sole purpose now and i think its because Ilet him talk to her in my belly every day and feel like he helped pick out her name which really he wanted Daphne like scooby and her names Mindy but he loves it and her!

Jen June 9, 2012 at 10:45 pm

So, in the past 12 hours you have pretty much received a baby book’s worth of advice – which I didn’t read through completely, so I’m sorry if I’m repeating (which I’m sure I am). I have three kids from 11 months to 4. The first two are 21 months apart and the second and third are 18 months apart. I promise things will be easier this time. I used to worry about and freak myself out over every possible logistical catastrophe that would come from adding another baby to the equation – something to kill the hours of pregnancy induced insomnia, but not necessary. I found the transition with each baby was so much easier. With the first, you are in completely uncharted territory. Just getting up at 7Am to feed a smiling, patiently waiting baby would be an adjustment from rolling out of bed when you want and taking care of your own shit (perhaps literally) – so being up at all hours of the night listening to screams that remind you that you had no idea what you were getting into really flips your life upside down.
The good news is that you did not have the dream, slept through the night from 2 weeks, only cries when he’s hungry, perfectly content chilling by himself baby that I’ve heard rumored to actually exist. This is good because you are going into #2 with realistic expectations. You’ve also gone through the colic. All three of my kids had colic. With my first, even though his was the most mild, I thought I was going to lose my mind at some points. By the time my third came along, even though she was the worst and would scream from 4-10 every single night, I was so much calmer about it. I had to be, I had other things that I had to do for my other kids. I’d also been through it and knew we would get through it again. The infant carseat was my best friend during that time. I could keep her in it in the kitchen while the other two were having dinner – fan on over the stove, rocking her with my feet, while I stuck a binky in her mouth to calm her down. I did the same with bath time. My husband works nights alot, so I would have to get the three bathed an in bed during the screaming fit. The running water, fan, rocking in carseat combination used to keep her calm enough to get the other two in bed.
So, you will be fine, you will learn fast what works best for you, baby, and G. I would get him involved as much as possible. I used to play up how much it sucks to be a baby too, just in case regression was starting to look too tempting. E.G. “oh poor baby, you’re hungry and you only get to have yucky milk. Your big brother gets a granola bar because he’s such a big boy”, “aww, you’re not big enough to play with toys like your brother, you are a baby so you need to take a nap”. You get the idea, anything baby does is a horrible alternative to the cool things the big kid gets to do. I also rotate the toy supply and, especially when there was a demanding newborn to take care of , tried to keep the amount out and available to play with at any time limited. That way, when the baby got really fussy and needed my attention, I would take out some “new” toys that hadn’t been seen in a while and would hold their attention more. Snacks prepared ahead of time and strategically planned tv/dvd time is also very useful for this.
You will get through the early days and probably be surprised at how much easier it seems this time, even though you have a toddler to deal with on top of a baby. And you never know, you may get a great sleeper, non colicky baby this time. And, if it makes you feel better, we’re going to be trying for #4 very soon -or maybe I just revealed my insanity and discredited everything I said.

Lauren June 9, 2012 at 11:12 pm

I have no advice, but I’ve seen a lot of babies. G is at least in the top 10% for cuteness. Don’t ever forget how important that is.

The Other Jen June 16, 2012 at 12:10 am

Dude, I was totally thinking the same thing. If Yoshi is even half as cute as G in that picture above, who cares if s/he ends up as a darling diva or a cranky crier (don’t judge my alliterations – I have 2 kids too and its late) MODG, you can focus on the fact that your kids look great even when they’re being pains in the ass (rectal rocket, anyone?)

K June 10, 2012 at 1:29 am

You are not as green this time. Not even close. You are an expert. I promise. xo

Danielle June 10, 2012 at 1:42 am

I haven’t had any babies yet, but my sister and I are 14 months apart (she was an accident shhh my dad told me once when he was drunk). My mom always said she liked having us so close together because having two babies at the same time was actually easier. She got us on the same pooping schedule so apparently the only difference was at changing time she changed two diapers instead of one.

Also the first day my sister came home from the hospital I smacked her in the soft baby head, but now we are BFFs. G will come around no matter what and having two babies is gonna be awesome. You are gonna be the best double mom ever!

lcs929 June 10, 2012 at 9:19 am

I am currently T minus 3 weeks from delivering my second son. My first son is 21 months old. I can say with confidence that I have stopped crying about this miracle conception and am finding myself really excited! I don’t know whether the discomfort and exhaustion from being 9 months pregnant and chasing a toddler now outweighs the fear, but I will take it. One thing we did do was buy a baby to prepare my son. I was having a tough time finding one that was a boy doll but hit the jackpot at IKEA of all places. They actually have wardrobes for these suckers! He loves this baby and it does everything with him.

http://www.ikea.com/us/en/about_ikea/newsitem/pr_august_lekkamrat

kpa June 10, 2012 at 10:14 am

My first son was 17 months when I had #2 in February. The goal of my entire day is to make sure that #2 is napping during #1’s very short afternoon nap. That is the only time you will have to yourself so you HAVE to have them nap at the same time. The first 6 weeks were brutal. We hired a maid, called in grandparents, watched a lot of Elmo. Nursing was the worst time for me because it takes so long with a little one! Its better now that he is four months, you just have to get through those first weeks. I’m already starting to forget them :) My second son spends a lot more time in the swing but I still think he will turn out fine.
Even though its hard it is nothing like taking home a screaming little monster the first time and having no idea what to do about it. You’ll do great! They seriously already love each other – they smile and laugh together and it is super sweet. I’m glad they’ll have each other as buddies. Everyone has told me after the first year it;ll be fun to have them this close. It better be.
Also, I was so glad to realize that lots of my mom friends that I became friends with first time around are pregnant or having babies now. We let the older ones play and can sit around and nurse together. In the tunnel by the factory, of course.

Jen @ Ginger Guide June 10, 2012 at 11:29 am

I was in the same situation as you. I was super depressed, cried all the time, my husband mentally checked out because he couldn’t handle it, and Sullivan wouldn’t eat or sleep. They told me he was colicky and to just “deal with it”. That pissed me off so I got on antidepressants and started doing some research. Turns out he had silent reflux as well as a milk allergy. I quit breastfeeding, got him reflux meds, switched him to soy formula, and also used probiotics in his bottle every day (I swear by that shit). In three days he was a completely new baby.

I can’t help you out with two babies cuz we’re so not ready for that yet. As far as talking about space, I’ll be happy to leave you a diatribe about some shit or whatever because my inlaws are visiting and I’m hiding so they don’t see me drinking wine at 10:30 in the morning and I don’t start making smart ass comments. We don’t have the best relationship. Right now my father in law is whistling at my child like he’s a dog and smacking him on the bottom because “he likes it”. This is not going to be a good day.

Anna June 10, 2012 at 11:38 am

You are over the biggest hurdle (and my biggest fear); twins!

My little girl is 32mths and I still haven’t got the guts up to potentially repeat the 2+ years of no sleep. The potential for and extra 2 babies when aiming for only 1 also freaked me out enough to make sure we had a big gap! Am kinda coming around to the idea of a sibling now that I’ve had reasonable sleep for the last 5 months.

Courtney June 10, 2012 at 12:54 pm

I didn’t get to read all the above comments so I could be totally repeating what has already been said. Sorry if so.

Anyways, I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised when #2 shows up. 2nd babies seem to handle life much better than 1st. I think it has a lot to do with us being better parents the 2nd time around, and also, they lived inside you for 9ish months, heard the craziness that is there soon to be world, know the sounds of their older sib during a meltdown of epic proportions, and they can TOTALLY handle it. I really think it makes them super chill and cool little people. The other ben of it all, they LOVE there older sibs, they spend more time watching them and wanting to be them than caring at all what YOU are doing. So you are shocked by how different they are. You’re time will be divided and it’s like the newest babe gets that, they know how to wait for the more demanding screaming older babe so they learn to wait. Or scream louder… but even then, since you can’t always tend to 2 at the same time, the youngest usually has to wait, you handle the oldest ones issues first, then go back to the younger one and somehow that seems to transform the youngest into a more patient little person. I don’t know, I’m not a Dr., so don’t quote me.

No matter what, you are going to be freaked. The unknown and comparing to a not so good past experience is totally scary and almost worse than preparing for your 1st baby. Which I think is why it doesn’t end badly at all, it’s turns out to be awesome!

2 kids is really great, you’ll love it, the moment when you are having a great outing as a family of 4, maybe to the Zoo, and your 2 children are enjoying it together, laughing, and loving eachother, you’ll be like, this is totally what I got my ass beat for the 1st year for. THIS IS WHAT IT’S ALL ABOUT. Trust me. Then you might say you want a 3rd!! Ass beatings are a little addicting.

Annie June 10, 2012 at 3:05 pm

I’m agreeing with almost everybody else here. You’re probably tired of hearing it. My kids are now 16, 14 and 9–I had two boys 2 1/2 years apart.
1. It will most definitely be easier because you’ve already done it once. Even if the baby is challenging, even if you have some PPD, you will never again have to worry about the baby’s poop color or something like that. At least 50% of the stress will be reduced because of your experience. Also physical recovery is easier. (and if you birth via vagina this time, way way way easier)
2. Playgroup. A million times. All the time. With good moms that you love. Saved me. Are my dearest friends.
3. I don’t know if you have siblings yourself, but when I was dissolving in tears on about day 4 postpartum after having my second son, crying that I was afraid I’d ruined my firstborn’s life by having a second, my mom said this to me: “Did I ruin your life by having your sisters?” Of course not. I never worried about that ever again.
4. You will not be able to care for G the way you used to before Yoshi came. You will probably not be able to care for Yoshi the way you cared for G. But that is OKAY. That’s how it’s supposed to work. By the time they are toddlers, kids are ready to learn about being part of a family, not the center of the universe. They have to make space for the newborn to be the center for while, and that’s how they grow and mature. And the little ones get to learn from and enjoy their older siblings–no one could make my babies laugh like their siblings. Kids recognize other kids and know they’re different from adults, and they’re funnier, somehow.

Easy, no. Tiring, a blur, patience-testing, yes. But you have already done all that. It will be MUCH more OK than you think!

Annie

Katie E. June 10, 2012 at 4:18 pm

A double stroller is going to save your sanity. Go with the special box of toys for when you are nursing, or do snack time for G in a high chair in the same room. Routine is king when you have two. Nap time will sync up because you do the whole eat, play, sleep thing with both kids simultaneously. At first it is going to be beat your head against the wall of the shower while you cry feeling sometimes. BUT, you also know that it won’t last forever, so that makes it a lot easier. While I have a four year gap between my two kids, my youngest child was a drama baby, and in the fine tradition of bad ass Southern Aunts, I would also keep my nephew who is 8 months older, and/or my cousin’s little boy who is a year and a half younger than my oldest. So the age breakdown would go 4 year old (mine), 2 year old (cousin), 1 year old (nephew), and new baby who screamed all the damn time with a milk and soy protein allergy until we put him on the $45 every two days formula (mine). Let me tell you sister, the second baby, even one who screams all the damn time is a cakewalk compared to the first. Even with a bunch of other kids underfoot. You got this.

Darcie June 10, 2012 at 9:40 pm

MODG, I’m not gonna lie, when Yoshi is born this will be the the hardest time of your life. My two ankle biters where 4 years apart and the day I came home from the hospital was one of the worst days of my life. My husband had just started a new job and couldn’t take off except to cart me home, my Mom lived in another state and couldn’t come for two weeks and I had no help for the first two weeks. I walk in with P (husband) carrying the baby, (cause that’s what all the books say to do, so your firstborn won’t hate the baby and Mom can have open arms to hug them) My sis -in-law, who was babysitting the 4 yr old had to go back to work, P had to go back to work and I was left alone with a squalling red faced bundle and HUGE swollen Fred Flinstone feet, my ass was stiched from one end to the other. So I couldn’t sit comfortably or stand so I was a mess. My 4 year old says “I don’t feel good” then proceeds to lean over the end of the couch and barf grape juice all over the grey carpet. I just started crying along with the baby. BUT it does get better. Those first two weeks were hell, and more than once I thought about just walking out the door. (If I could have walked on my swollen feet) I said under my breath more than once “This too shall pass” You are lucky in a way, that G was “colicky” and you made it through. My first was an easy baby, so I thought this would be a breeze with the second but no, she cried all the time. You are also lucky that you have all these internet moms to give advice. Good Luck with everything and even though my two are 19 and 23 now, I remember those days so well, and really enjoy reading your blog.

Rachel June 10, 2012 at 10:34 pm

I totally agree with you about the secret club!!! I always feel that women are not honest about how hard it is to be a mom!!!! I hope you get a lot of useful advice about having the second one!! Good luck!!!

Michael June 11, 2012 at 12:53 am

I’m a mom of 2 boys. #1 was born at 32 weeks. Other than the extra care and special attention needed, he was a complete breeze. Ate, slept and was generally happy. Everyone swore my next one would be the polar opposite and would torture me, they all secretly hoped I would never sleep again. Great friends ‘eh? #2 proved them wrong. He could be the poster child for the perfect baby. The point is this, no one knows what personality type you will have, but you can control you. Take a deep breath, you’ve proven your motherhood greatness by your endless searches and sacrifices for G. You should get some kind of badge or award. There is anxiety due to the unknown, but as many Mommies have stated already, you’ve learned the ropes, done your research and whatever Yoshi throws your way, you will be prepared. Trust your instincts and be confident, that is what makes #2 so much easier. You can trust yourself more, and when you are relaxed, so are your kids. Good luck!

Ashley June 11, 2012 at 8:11 am

MODG:

When I read your post, I knew exactly how you felt. This is exactly where I was 18 months ago before our second little girl was born and I have to tell you: that is not where the similarities end. Our first little girl had TERRIBLE COLIC- the kind where they scream constantly for hours on end to be comforted by nothing (including the 5 S(s), wearing her etc) and during those hours I held her 99% of the time. So I pretty much constantly thought my ears were bleeding and that I would die alone crying on the kitchen floor wondering why I couldn’t figure out the miracle cure to stop my sweetie’s sadness. Fast forward almost four years and I have a FABULOUS little girl who is happy all the time, sings Mary Poppins songs and is actually helpful with her little sister!

Needless to say, when I was pregnant with little girl #2, I was really concerned about how parents with a toddler and an infant cope successfully and also spent countless hours obsessively trying to predict whether my new little one would also have the dreaded colic. Seeing as how I was not sure whether I would survive it again, LOL, I was busy preparing myself with every sling, swaddling blanket (Miracle Blankets worked for us at night both times), interesting infant toy and industry recommended tool on the market.

The Bad News

1. Two really is harder than one. At the beginning, the little things like just getting everyone’s basic needs (the kids- obviously you realize that mommy needs rarely get met in the early stages anyway) taken care of is OVERWHELMING. You will undoubtedly think to yourself: How will I ever successfully leave the house again? Don’t worry- you will and believe it or not, the sooner the better- it will give you a sense of accomplishment. The unknown is sometimes scarier than the reality I tell you.
2. Everything takes longer. This isn’t rocket science but a good reminder nonetheless. You will have to get up earlier or started earlier to leave the house and now you may have to balance nursing your baby with your toddler’s requests for My Little Pony (I had girls) or SNACK SNACK SNACK.
3. Like everything there is a ramp up time to get proficient at balancing and sadly this seems to take place concurrently with your recovery from labor and delivery. YUCK.

The Good News

1. It gets easier or maybe you just get used to it and adapt and that is what makes it seem easier. Either way you will begin to feel happier within 8 weeks unless you get PPD like me and then I say talk to your OB immediately and get medication that is safe for nursing moms. I know there are debates about this but I feel like as long as it is safe for your baby, you just do it because a healthy and happy mom makes her children happy and healthy!
2. You will start developing newer complex routines based upon your angel’s feeding times, napping times (hopefully) and awake times that allow you to be there for G and also get a couple of things done.

Some Potential Helpful Hints

1. When your baby sleeps put him down in a crib or swing or bouncy seat or if you must hold him or her, try to wear them. That way you have your hands free to play with G, make a meal for yourself, do a quick household chore or shop online (which admittedly is my preferred use of time after playing with my kids of course!).
2. I agree with the suggestion to keep snacks and cups handy on every floor or room in your house. Then they are there when you need them and they will soothe G if you cannot get up and go to the kitchen to make something immediately.
3. I agree that too much tv for kids is a bad thing but when you just pushed something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a lemon, have one kid attached to your chest, no free hands and a toddler that is stir crazy demanding attention- it is good, even if only at the beginning, to have a few select appropriate shows for them to watch during the first few weeks/months. If your kids watch television during a couple of months while you recuperate and figure things out- it does not make you a bad mommy. Mommy needs her sanity!
4. Do laundry often (there is no way around this) but also buy like extras of everything just in case you get behind. MORE SWADDLING BLANKETS, ONESIES etc
5. Join a Mom’s Club Now. The good news: they have playgroups for G to enjoy, cool moms for you to hang out with, more advice from parents of multiple children, and they often will make meals for you when you are home from the hospital.
6. Admit you will not be able to do everything at the beginning and that is okay. Accept help wherever you can get it- your church, your sorority alumni chapter, your garden club, Suri Cruise fan club (I just have a feeling you started one in your area….) whatever. Let other nice ladies make some meals for you, and accept playdates and offers of babysitting. Order some food in once a week…
7. Work out a PLEASE HELP list for B where he can maybe be the one to wake up G in the AM and get him changed, dressed and his breakfast before he leaves. This does not have to go on forever (unless you want it to) but it will be one more thing that has to happen that gets done magically without you doing it for a while.
8. Buy a double stroller and even if G resists make him ride in it when you do errands so that your hands are free to grab things and you can get in and out quickly.

I am wishing you all the best with your new little baby! I am sure you will be a great Mom to two!

Ashley

Kristen June 11, 2012 at 10:01 am

I don’t know if this helps or not (it probably doesn’t) but I had post-partum depression BAD with my first but then when our second baby was born, I was okay (and she was even in the NICU for nine days!). It seemed like with my first baby, my system/mind/emotions/world was totally rocked and it was hard to adjust to it all. When our second came, it didn’t seem to be so earth shattering. :)

Marjorie June 11, 2012 at 10:13 am

We are currently expecting our third and I totally understand how you feel. These last two will be just a tiny bit over two years apart which is a big change from the 4 year age difference between the first two. What the hell am I going to do with two babies?

If it makes you feel any better, my first two have totally different personalities. Though I have to be honest, I sort of envy you getting your wild child first. My first was a perfect angel of a baby so when the second one came along, I thought “I’ve got this. Babies are sooo eeeeaaasy!” No. One thousand times no. My daughter is like a female version of G and I was caught so totally off guard. At least you’ll be prepared and it will be a really pleasant surprise if you get an angel baby this time – and I hope and pray that you do! And on the bright side, as they get older, they’ll entertain each other and take some of the pressure off of you!

Jenn June 11, 2012 at 10:25 am

You’re in the club Modg; you were when you conceived! And I’m pretty sure I can speak for all of us Moms – we were all scared about the same things, to some degree, at one point or another!

There are miles and miles of advice one could give. But I feel like the best thing I can tell you is this: Remember when you first had G, and you were like: “OMG, how the hell does one pee, brush their teeth, and shower and get out of the house and not forget their child – with a child?!” And then at about 6 to 12 months, you’re out in the world and you see a new Mom with her fresh-one and she’s like “OMG, how the hell does one look so put-together – with a child?!” And you smile b/c you’ve just got the warm&fuzzies b/c you’ve arrived. You’re now the Mom that can get out of the freaking house with a child!

Well it happens with kid #2 too. One day, it comes to you. You’re like: “I’ve got this. I’m a Mom of 2, and I can get out of the house and look good doing it!” Nevermind that your kitchen looks like a dishes bomb went off and you have 4-foot high heaps of laundry to do. Kid #1 has arts and crafts that CONSUME your dining room table and your bed looks like a sheet tornado went through. No one outside of your home needs to know that!!!

From a Mom of a 3 yr. old and an 8 month old. You’ll do JUST fine. Just LOVE ‘em and you’ve done all you need to do!!! ;o)

mommylisa June 11, 2012 at 10:27 am

I am no help either – I only had one and the stepkids were 5 and 7 when hubby and I met.
My friend who had one when her oldest was 2 told me that her first born felt how she might feel if her husband brought home another wife. He was not a happy camper and actually bit her a few times to get her attention.

Amy June 11, 2012 at 10:38 am

My first was a super easy baby, so I was optimistic about my second. My second is … They call it “spirited” (read that CRAZY!). I love her, and appreciate her very intense personality but she’s been a challenge and a battle of wills since labor started. I just started reading “how to raise your spirited child” not sure if it’s helping, I’ve only read the intro as she gives me very little time to read….
My third… Yes, I was crazy enough to get prego again… Is thankfully as easy as my first. I decided a very long tome ago to give up on all the patenting ideals, to just go with the flow and survive. That’s worked. My kids watch tv when I need a break and eat junk food when I need leverage. You have a sense of humor… You’ll do fine.
Oh and yes the secret meetings are SO helpful… I go to one at least once a month. They involve lots of coffee.

Cassandra Wright June 11, 2012 at 1:01 pm

My screaming-never slept-wouldn’t eat-hated everyone but me first child is now two and I have a four month old. I was TERRIFIED. However, it’s wonderful. Really. Even though you might not feel like it right now you were learning and growing as a person the whole time G was difficult. Probably still are. When No. 2 was born I didn’t feel that desperate tightening in my chest when he started to cry. I didn’t feel that panic when he fussed, arched his back and wouldn’t eat. I knew what to stop eating when he was miserable because of the dairy in my diet. You’re just calmer, and he/she will be too. Yes, everyone has a different story and a different experience but I know what your life was like when G was tiny (I do, I really do) and it won’t be the same. Even if Yoshi isn’t angelic. Having two is actually easier for me because being alone with a single strong-willed toddler all day is a very intense reality. Baby breaks things up.

PS-Everyone said No. 1 would be jealous and awful given her personality. That could not be further from the truth.

Amy June 11, 2012 at 1:20 pm

I’m in the 2 Kids Club – however mine are a little more spaced out than yours will be – ages 7 and 11 months. I will say this…baby #2 is a much different experience. You will be amazed at how CHILL you can be about things. Things that sent you into a cold sweat with baby #1 will suddenly be no big deal with baby #2. You’ll find yourself calmer…more relaxed…and know what?? Baby #2 can sense that and therefore be more chill as well. I promise. My sister has 3 children under the age of 4 with another on the way (yes she’s insane) but she manages to hold it all together and even go out in public with her three monkies all the time by herself and it works…they’re all still alive and well and happy. It’s do-able…and I swear to God…you’ll be wonderful at it!

Erin T. June 11, 2012 at 1:23 pm

I have two girls who are 2 years and 2 months apart. It might be some “girl” instinct that my oldest had with my youngest, but to her the baby was “hers”. She wanted to hold her and play with her all the damn time. It all quickly changed when younger sister became mobile and would take toys, food, attention away. Then it was all out war. And it hasn’t stopped in 15 years. Only now they fight about teenager things: Clothes, makeup, boys…

I do remember, however, that it was easier to adjust to #2 than it was to adjust to #1. When you have that first child your entire world changes. When you add the second one in there? Meh. You simply adjust a few things. The huge changes you made 2 years ago are still pretty much in place. You just have to shuffle a few things here and there, so it’s easier to handle.

I can pretty much bet that when Yoshi is born G will show you a personality that you didn’t know he had the capacity to show yet.

Clarissa Ramirez June 11, 2012 at 1:46 pm

OK, I have advice….I was a first time mom and FINALLY getting used to my 9 month old daughter when SURPRISE….I found out I was preggers and THIS time it was TWINS!!! Happiness and Joy in ABUNDANCE….NOT, I was scared shitless….can I curse on the interwebs???? There aren’t any books, you are absolutely right, but the best advice I can give is to involve G….have him get a diaper for you, or some other small task so that he feels part of the picture, I always showered at night while they were all sleeping, I had to give up my morning shower :-/, sometimes when they were all 3 crying I would close my eyes and imagine a happy place just to get my composure….it will be hard sometimes, but Baby #2…or 2&3 in my scenario are not any more tough than baby #1 (she was also “Colicky” I pegged it down to she would eventually end up in Hollywood for all her Drama) Each baby is a different experience, but I trust in the Sparkle Gods above that you will be perfectly fine….If I was (being a depressed basket case with one kid on the boob, one in the boppy with a bottle, and an 18month old screaming) then I am certain you will also persevere!!!

Christa June 11, 2012 at 2:55 pm

OMG MODG, what a timely post. I sparkle heart your blog, and appreciate your honesty. I too am pregs with bebe #2 (due in 7 weeks), and have a not-yet-two-year-old at home (he’ll be 2 in 7 weeks, swears), and I am freaking the EFF out about it. And that’s really the end of my comment.

I’m going to go read (steal) the advice the super smart moms in the 2 kid club posted now.
LYLAS.

Emily June 11, 2012 at 3:59 pm

I have two babes now who are age 5 and 2. My first born is clever, sneaky and an all out firecracker. Her little brother is calm, snuggly and charismatic. Their personalities are night and day different! Although my second had a dairy allergy, reflux and cried all the time I still continued to fret and worry over my first born more. The experience you learn from your first carries over to your second seamlessly. It’s the darn first kid that is out in the world carving the path forward with all new experiences and creating new worries that occupies my mind daily. Although they are so very different, it’s the newness of being a mother to my first that causes me daily consternation and worry. She fights her way through the world and her little brother looks up to her as she guides him. Watching their relationship grow has been one of the most unexpected gifts I’ve ever been given as a mother.

Aida June 11, 2012 at 4:19 pm

I don’t have any kids (only 21…well not like that matters anymore), but I just wanted to say I love you—not in a weirdy, creepy sort of way, but in a look-up-to-you-will-use-your-posts-as-a-future-baby-manual way.

Thanks for being awesome!

Keri June 11, 2012 at 4:44 pm

My two boys are almost 4 and 16 months. you’re pregnant, I’ll do the math for you- two and a half years apart. I guess that means I’m ‘in the club’? Wow. I feel so honored. You know what I was afraid of? That I wouldn’t love my second as much as my first. There, I said it. But, as all of these women are telling you- YOU WILL BE JUST FINE. You had a hell of a time with G. Unless you have the shittiest karma in the world, your second baby should be an absolute joy. and you will love love love Yoshi so much (in case you’re crazy like me, and actually worried about that!). enjoy your pregnancy, and stop worrying about silly things like the future.

Kristin June 11, 2012 at 4:59 pm

So my oldest was a total grouch and “colicky”, whatever that is. He cried all the time and I could never figure it out. I would look at him and ask “what do you want?” like he would answer me. But we made it and then he became a fairly happy toddler and then when he was 19 months I found out I was preggo again. And I was excited. And then I found out it was twins and thought if I had 2 more of him my husband might come home from work and find me hiding in the closet in the fetal position. Then I found out they were girls and thought that this was going to be the “House of Drama”.

My son was almost 26 months when they were born. I involved him in as much of my pregnancy as I could. He helped me set their room up (well as much as a 2 year old could) and we talked about it a lot and he looked at me like I had 2 heads. So far (they are almost 6 months) they are pretty good. I do have one that can be dramatic but usually because she wants attention and once she gets it she is happy (she figured us out waaay too early). Having kids close together is not easy but you do the best you can. We may watch too much Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on ocassion but I include him in as much as I can and try to make sure he knows how importand and what a fantastic big brother he is. I even (gasp) take all three of them to Target or where ever and people look at me like I am the most amazing person ever. Really I would rather be at home in my sweats but I know we all have to get out. You will figure out what works for all of you. I have stopped getting emails on development or reading books about what they should be doing. We just do whatever works and keeps us sane and happy. That’s the most important thing!

Emily June 11, 2012 at 5:06 pm

For me the second one was SO much easier. I had ppd with my first and I was just waiting for that to happen again but luckily it didn’t. I feel so much more relaxed with my second because I think I just knew what to expect more or less. That first baby really flipped my world upside down! I feel almost guilty becausing I am enjoying my second baby so much more than my first.

Aisha June 11, 2012 at 7:59 pm

I love all the advice you’re getting. I’d just add that once I had my second one I realized that crying was not going to kill them. I didn’t have to make them stop crying immediately, they would survive if I finished my shower first (just make sure they’re somewhere safe). I also realized that it sometimes helped to cry with them, all three of us together. And, I realized that sometimes babies and toddlers cry because they need the release from stress or over-stimulation, just like we mothers do… and soothing from us won’t stop that occasional need.

Jenn June 11, 2012 at 10:39 pm

We have 5 kids 7 and under right now. We seriously had no idea we wanted a large family, no joke. Our first DD was ‘colicky’ too, and I know exactly where you are coming from. It was the worst. shit. EVER. in this life. I ended up with a nice dose of PPD and hating the entire world while walking around crying. Good stuff. Our second DD showed up 19months later, and seriously, she was such a different baby. She slept through the NIGHT at 6 weeks. The night. Our 19mo still wasn’t sleeping all night. But from the time DD2 was 6mos-12mos it was kind of hard having them close in age because I kept having to protect our oldest from loving our youngest to death, and all that entails. But we all survived! Adding 1 was hard, adding 2 was hard, adding 3 was different, anything after that was NBD. Now they’re besties, and so much fun, kind of like twins, but sans tandem nursing. Our last two are 17mos a part and so much fun too! G will be great, you guys will be great, you’ve got this in the bag! And hopefully, the bag has a vagina in it.

Kelly P June 12, 2012 at 2:22 am

I am a member of the club. Or actually a couple of FB Mommy forums and follower of a few lovely blogs such as your own. We’d meet by some factory, but yeah that would require far more effort than most of us can manage, unless the factory is between a Dunkin’ Donuts and a Little Ceaser’s Pizza shop. That I could swing. Anyway, mine are one day shy of 13 mos apart, not planned that way at all but here is what got me through:
a) I will do this because I HAVE to. There is no other option. And honestly all the comments about “how will you handle – two in diapers, two under two, two at the store” or whatever anyone (mostly family, why do they have to be like that?) wanted to tack under the word two. TWO was echoing through my head and pounding on my brain like a troll hammer. But those comments also fueled me, I would do it because I have to but also because you’ve just expressed doubt that I can!!
b) My firstborn, my Ethan, was an angel baby. He slept around 16-17 hours a day up until he was about 25 mos old. He was insanely portable. He was the complete package of good babyness. So I had a leg up that even if #2 was a difficult baby I could count on my little dude to be cool. And #2 was 3 and a half handfuls, still is in a lot of ways otherwise I would not still have a 17 mo old sleeping in a crib in my room and waking up 3-4 times a night. Still. And #1 learned how to be a toddler and not so pliable. But I made it, or am making it day by day anyhow and they balance each other so well. My sister was in your shoes. Boy oh boy was she ever. I don’t think her son stopped crying for more than 5 minutes the whole first year of his life. She was the wrung out dishrag of human cells that paid for every angel baby ever made. She went into marriage wanted 12 kids. No joke, 12. But after 9 mos with her first she sobbed on her kitchen floor to me that she might stop at just one kiddo. But she didn’t. She had two more, the second was conceived when her first was just past two years old. And she was chill. Quite. And #3 came along 19 mos later and was also chill. Her theory? #1 was the down payment on both #2 & #3. A steep price to pay, but worth it in the end. So based on that and your challenging little Mr. G. you should be in the clear. And if you’re not, you’ll do it because you MUST and to show everyone that you are one bad@$$ chica and you will not go down. Plus, you have us and we’ll always be here for you.

erin June 12, 2012 at 11:58 am

It is more than twice the work for the first 1 1/2 years or so – I’m not going to sugar coat it. Because you are not just putting 2 kids down for naps, but also making sure they don’t wake each other up. Its not putting 2 kids in the car, its putting one kid in while making sure the other one doesn’t run in the middle of the street. That being said, you will make it somehow, just as millions of parents before you have made it – just as you made it with G when you never thought you could. And when Yoshi gets big enough to play, they will play with each other and even like it most of the time. Deep breaths – YOU CAN DO THIS!

Jessica June 12, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Mine were opposite. My first was A DREAM baby! She slept through the night after a few weeks, never wanted to be held, loved just laying in the swing watching me clean and watch TV. A DREAM! And then I got pregnant with my son… they are 15 months apart. I thought, no problemo, I’ve got this down! Not so. He was “colicky”, NEVER slept at night, like not at all, screamed at me ALL DAY, ALL THE TIME. He is 15 months now, and he still yells at me every. single. time. I walk out of sight. He is a little goofball, and I love him to death, but he tests my patience daily (hourly).
Look at it this way. You know how hard it can be with a difficult baby and the chances of that happening again are slim. You are going to be preparing and expecting the worst because that’s all you know… so when SHE does come, you will likely be presently surprised at how easy everything is. Unlike me.
Anyway – my advice is to accept help when its offered. Don’t try to be superwoman. Let the house be messy. Use microwaveable dinners sometimes. Get take-out. Breathe, and laugh at the chaos. It’s worth it when you see your two babies interacting and loving eachother.

Kayleigh May June 13, 2012 at 8:56 am

I love this, I was so scared when my little one was 9 months and I found out….. OH NO!! I was pregnant, my first reaction was to kill my husband, but soon realized I may need his help in the future… fast forward, I now have a 3 year old and a almost 2 year old…. :S How did this happen…. Things kinda just fall into place.
They are both completely opposite, and when we first bought baby C home, my 18 month old at the time ignored him. If you were holding him he’d ignore you. Who ever had baby C was ignored and did not matter. Also my toddler did not talk until he was 2 years old. He just refused….. He was stubborn…. But after two weeks of baby being home he learned to love him..

OnMon June 13, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Oh MODG, HUGS. I’ve no babies yet so I’ve got no place really saying anything about the club, or the tunnel, or the factory. Your fears seem pretty rational considering everything you went through with G BUT. You do know your own child and yourself, and you will know Yoshi equally well and be able to relate and understand her (!) needs, even if she makes your eyes roll even more than G does. Plenty of folks have posted absolutely marvelous advice that sounds way more relevant to your needs than the vagaries of reference books. And you yourself have built a community of awesome right here – the network of greatness and support will still be here when Yoshi arrives.

In other news, SCIENCE! Watch Carl Sagan’s Cosmos series with B. & G. Sagan makes everything scientific seem totally accessible even to bloggers – like Mr Rogers-meets-Einstein with a Brooklyn accent. My MIL watched it and loved it so much she taped it for my husband when she was pregnant with him in 1979, and now he’s a genius. TOTALLY WORKS.

Kelly June 13, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Just remember that none of us know what we are doing. We just do what works for us. I have 2 girls, and the 2nd one is definitely easier. But I heard having 3 is a fucking nightmare, so I avoided that disaster. Don’t worry about trying to be the perfect mom, because when you are, women will hate you for that too. Just keep doing the best you can and you’ll be fine. And wine, lots and lots of wine. PS: I love all your stuff on Pinterest : )

Becky June 13, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Hey Modg!
First, I’m new to your blog and let me just say THANK YOU for making me laugh all the time! I am a SAHM of 3 1/2 year-old twins and a 10-month-old (all boys) so I need all the laughs I can get!

Second, don’t worry so much about #2. Even if you DO end up with a crazy child along with more depression, you will know that you survived it once so you can get through it again. I don’t even remember most of the first year of the twins’ life…I was so sleep deprived/drained from nursing two babies/overwhealmed that I think I blocked it all out (thank GOD for digital cameras and video!). When my littlest came along last summer, it was like he’d always been there. The thing about little babies is, they’re pretty flexible. If G is being demanding, strap #2 into a sling or a stroller and take that crazy toddler to the playground. You’ve always got your boobs with you so you don’t even need to worry about packing a snack for the new kid. And by the time the baby is ready for bigger and better things (i.e. mobility), G will be older and a big helper.

I’m not gonna lie to you, there will be bad days (even without post-partum depression there were still times that I wanted to lock myself in the bathroom and cry). But at the end of the day, it always feels good to say to yourself, “Well, I kept them all alive today”.

Good luck and don’t forget, you’ve got lots of mom-friends reading and wishing you the best :)

Kristin June 13, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Hi :) so I’m post number 119 or something so if I repeat, sorry! With my first, I was so anxious after he was born. Not baby blues, but postpartum anxiety, it really had a hold on me. However, with my second ( they are exactly two years apart), I was much better. I knew I had to be . My focus was on trying to keep a normal routine for my 2 year old son. It made me go with the flow more thus, making my infant daughter more relaxed.. I swear my first was a high maintance baby because I was a ball of nerves. With my second, I tried to be more chill.. And, you must see the humor in everything and be prepared for G to regress just a bit and act out. Case in point, I remember breast feeding my daughter while my son tried to pull the hoppy out from us. There I was in a tug o war battle with my two year old all while having my infant look like a bobble head doll floating in the wind while stuck to my boob. Once he gave up on the hoppy, he stood on top of the train table and whipped trains at us. Awesome, right? It happens, be prepared, and give G lots of special attention to help him adjust. A special toy/video for when you are nursing could help, too. You are a wonderful mommy and you will do fine!!

Lydia June 14, 2012 at 11:49 am

Deep breaths. I was a sobbing overanxious mess with my first, and when my second came home it was SO MUCH EASIER. There were still some bumps – my first daughter who had been all excited to meet her sister was all, Take this thing back from whence it came. But she came around and I was so much less stressed out and we already had all the stuff and we already knew what was bullcrap and what actually worked with a baby. And the club actually meets in the back room of Chik-Fil-A every first Tuesday of the month, the tunnel was getting a lot of heat.

Courtney June 14, 2012 at 9:44 pm

OMG I think I’m that woman you were looking for in the crowd!! I have a 4 yr old and a 10 month old. PPD with BOTH. It is the WORST ever. & let me tell you, I was super excited to be pregnant with both my kids. As soon as they came, I was a big ball of tears, worry, fear, etc. I’ll share this with you. If you have PPD with one child, you are more than likely going to have it for the next. (I didnt believe the shit either, but its true). Anxiety meds for 3 months with the first born. Been on them for ALL TEN MONTHS with the second. Hey, whatever keeps me sane. BUT everyone is different, so TRY not to worry about it!!

ed June 15, 2012 at 1:42 am

Its super hard, you should be scared. But u learn to deal, sometimes they’re both wailing and you will be like wow, this is crazy shit, but then you keep going, and everything is ok. You just love them so much its worth it! But still very hard work.

Hillary June 15, 2012 at 9:23 am

I think your baby G and my baby G, if they ever met, would join forces and go on a toddler reign of terror the likes of which no one has ever seen. Seriously – my son is a couple months behind yours and he has followed the exact same colicky, stubborn, tantrum-throwing, smart, funny trajectory.

mummygoose June 15, 2012 at 5:28 pm

I hope this doesnt come across wrong,, but im so glad you feel this way! lol. i have ‘the fear’ too, not so much about the baby crying tho i am terrified of sleep deprivation+ toddler. im more scared about the support, after and during pregnancy, to add to my crazyness, Im not even pregnant yet! we just started trying. my partner really withrew when i was expecting, it was awefull being so alone. His promised to be better this time :/
i really hope i can cope, and i hope you can too! I’ll be keeping an eye out for how it goes for you ;P
Good luck!

cortney June 18, 2012 at 2:00 am

So I don’t have any kids, but I just wanted to say DON’T WATCH “I SURVIVED”! It will make you a paranoid freak sandwich! I had myself convinced that the FedEx guy was probably a psychopath who wanted to beat me to death with the claw side of a hammer. “I Survived”=scariest.thing.ever.

Kristen Dowd June 18, 2012 at 5:01 am

I just posted tonight on the reality of life with two small kiddos!!! I have a 6 week old and was scared shitless before he was born:) other than the fact that it’s nearly impossible to get out of the door. We are great!

Check out today’s post at http://www.gypsyspulinteriors.com

Kristen

Katie C June 19, 2012 at 8:55 am

Lots of great info already here, and it’s probably been touched on before, but babywearing saved my life with the addition of my second child. My Gavin is the same age as yours, and just about the same in character too. I just wore him everywhere, and it gave me time and the ability to engage with my older child, and also to try to attempt a few things around the house. I have a beautiful Dream Carrier, and I wonder if we could talk to her about some advertising and/or at the very least I still have a 20% off coupon!!

Jodidiot July 11, 2012 at 6:44 am

1. Anyone who says it’s easier the more children you have is either a) a member of the Duggar family, b) batshit crazy, or c) both. G will not be changing yoshi’s diaper with one hand and whipping mama up a mint julep with the other.
2. I just had babe number 3 and the only thing I’ve mastered is how to feign constipation/diarrhea to have a few minutes to myself when the hubs is home.
3. The only golden bit of advice I can give that no one really told me (violins playing) is that everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, feels like a shitty mom sometimes. As long as you love the little assholes as much as you could ever love anything (which you will), you’re doing it right.
4. Your blog makes me laugh like a hyena. Thanks for that.

julie s. July 17, 2012 at 9:58 pm

How’d I miss this post? Anyways…this perfectly sums up my child lately:

“He will scream at me if I don’t immediately understand his half ass sign language combination babble request for the specific banana that is at the bottom of the bowl and that he wants to hold the peel and that if I cut it up, I’m doing a serious injustice to humanity.”

SO, I am very happy to know that it is not just my child. I was really, really starting to think that it is my fault she’s like that. But she’s just a 14-month old, she’s supposed to be awful sometimes…right? RIGHT?!?

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