This is a hard post for me to write.
So inevitably on almost every episode of Sex and the City, Carey would be on top of the world. She would get her new Jimmy Choo’s, strut around in them with Big on her arm and life couldn’t be better. And you knew, you KNEW that something was going to happen. And wouldn’t you know it, her shoes would be stolen and Big would pee on her carpet…or something. Because people who say out loud, “I HAVE IT ALL”, are bound to be peed on and brought back down to earth.
So after I declared to all of you, and my facebook friends, and my family, and my ex boyfriends, and that bitchy girl in high school, and Britney Spears via Twitter that I, MODG, have it all. I have the dream job, I have the baby, I’ll be giving him the “gift” of daycare and I’m the best and nah nah nah in your face…just like that I lost it.
Well, to be clear, I guess I never really had it.
Let’s just say that negotiations with Babble didn’t quite work out. There was a huge miscommunication. (i.e. they miscommunicated and I heard what I wanted to hear) Then I was like, wait… I better check up on it like Beyonce and my suspicions were correct. I was just a fool to believe…she’s like the wind. Whatever. The point is that I would not be able to put G in part time daycare financially speaking with the position, and therefor just wouldn’t have the time to commit to Babble while still keeping a presence here with MODG. And I won’t let MODG suffer.
So here I am. I thought about just not telling everyone and letting May come and go and hope you all would forget about it. And one by one your comments kept coming in. At every one I cringed…”Way to follow your dream!”, “You’re doing a great thing for G!”, “I’m so proud of you”. And I died. I knew I had to put my (nonexistent -thankgod-) tail between my legs and fess up.
So what can we take from all of this. I’ve been moping a lot and thinking a lot and when I try and think of big picture stuff, I usually think of celebrities and mostly Oprah. She told me that success almost never follows a path that looks like this:
Instead, it almost always looks like this
(can I just recommend to everyone to never google image search “gay guy” or “straight guy”? I promise it’s good advice).
So I won’t be George Clooney, but maybe if I’m lucky I’ll be Andy Cohen and that to me would be the shining beacon North Star of success.
B asked me the other day what I wanted 3 years ago when I started MODG. And I honestly answered, nothing really. I wanted a place where maybe one day I could make a little bit of money so I could stay home with my kids. And he said, you’re doing that now. You’ve succeeded.
(MODG: setting low goals.)
But now I know that there’s probably more. I mean once you reach your extremely low goals, you should probably set new ones right?
So here we are. It’s just me and you again. And I’m OK with that. No, my financial dreams aren’t coming true tomorrow, but I’ve made it this far talking about vaginas. Might as well keep at it.
Thanks to all of you for always supporting me. Especially those of you who have been reading since MODG was pink and orange. And especially to those of you who email me to tell me that you took weeks to read everything I’ve ever written IN A ROW (I’m sorry).
You guys keep me going.
And I promise, when I’m the next Chelsea Oprah Spears, I’ll take you all with me.