I'm funny

This post is the mud puddle on my new dress. The Prada one. The one I bragged about and you were like shut up already.

April 9, 2012

This is a hard post for me to write.

So inevitably on almost every episode of Sex and the City, Carey would be on top of the world. She would get her new Jimmy Choo’s, strut around in them with Big on her arm and life couldn’t be better. And you knew, you KNEW that something was going to happen. And wouldn’t you know it, her shoes would be stolen and Big would pee on her carpet…or something. Because people who say out loud, “I HAVE IT ALL”, are bound to be peed on and brought back down to earth.

So after I declared to all of you, and my facebook friends, and my family, and my ex boyfriends, and that bitchy girl in high school, and Britney Spears via Twitter that I, MODG, have it all. I have the dream job, I have the baby, I’ll be giving him the “gift” of daycare and I’m the best and nah nah nah in your face…just like that I lost it.

Well, to be clear, I guess I never really had it.

Let’s just say that negotiations with Babble didn’t quite work out. There was a huge miscommunication. (i.e. they miscommunicated and I heard what I wanted to hear) Then I was like, wait… I better check up on it like Beyonce and my suspicions were correct. I was just a fool to believe…she’s like the wind. Whatever. The point is that I would not be able to put G in part time daycare financially speaking with the position, and therefor just wouldn’t have the time to commit to Babble while still keeping a presence here with MODG. And I won’t let MODG suffer.

So here I am. I thought about just not telling everyone and letting May come and go and hope you all would forget about it. And one by one your comments kept coming in. At every one I cringed…”Way to follow your dream!”, “You’re doing a great thing for G!”, “I’m so proud of you”. And I died. I knew I had to put my (nonexistent -thankgod-) tail between my legs and fess up.

So what can we take from all of this. I’ve been moping a lot and thinking a lot and when I try and think of big picture stuff, I usually think of celebrities and mostly Oprah. She told me that success almost never follows a path that looks like this:

Instead, it almost always looks like this

(can I just recommend to everyone to never google image search “gay guy” or “straight guy”? I promise it’s good advice).

So I won’t be George Clooney, but maybe if I’m lucky I’ll be Andy Cohen and that to me would be the shining beacon North Star of success.

B asked me the other day what I wanted 3 years ago when I started MODG. And I honestly answered, nothing really. I wanted a place where maybe one day I could make a little bit of money so I could stay home with my kids. And he said, you’re doing that now. You’ve succeeded.

(MODG: setting low goals.)

But now I know that there’s probably more. I mean once you reach your extremely low goals, you should probably set new ones right?

So here we are. It’s just me and you again. And I’m OK with that. No, my financial dreams aren’t coming true tomorrow, but I’ve made it this far talking about vaginas. Might as well keep at it.

Thanks to all of you for always supporting me. Especially those of you who have been reading since MODG was pink and orange. And especially to those of you who email me to tell me that you took weeks to read everything I’ve ever written IN A ROW (I’m sorry).

You guys keep me going.

And I promise, when I’m the next Chelsea Oprah Spears, I’ll take you all with me.





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  • melissa April 9, 2012 at 6:32 pm

    Not Jimmy Choos. Manolo Blaniks. You probably already know that. I don’t own either.

  • Keltie April 9, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    I think you are even more rad for posting and saying ah fuck it, it didn’t totally come together the way I thought it was going to, but onward and upward and all that jazz. Can I just say that when I first read that G was going to daycare (awesome, I BEGGED my mom to let me go to daycare with all my friends. Broke her heart into a million pieces) and you getting to write somewhere that will give you cash money, the first thing I thought was, shitty buzz, MODG will slowly die and she will get too busy for it. So, eventhough it didn’t entire work out for you, it worked out for me. More MODG in my life to make me laugh-fart.

  • Andrea April 9, 2012 at 6:37 pm

    So……ugh. I’m new and understanding Jesus. I don’t still. But I know that there is a path for all of us, sometimes we don’t understand it, but its there for us, it might not be what we choose, but its what we are destined to be. You have a path. so babble wasn’t it, thats probably because something more sparkly is waiting to jump out at you like bald Britney with an umbrella. Only maybe not so violent. Something will happen. I know it. Until then, we are happy to have a full time modg.
    Ps….what ever happened to the book? Or…is that one of things we need to not talk about? :)

  • SusanC April 9, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    Your post….at times, my life in a nutshell. We ALL still love you the same as always. As a matter of fact….when all the stars came together w/Babble, etc., you were looking a little TOOOO perfect. Nice to have you here with us mortals! LOVEYA.

  • Cheryl April 9, 2012 at 6:40 pm

    MODG, so sorry that it didn’t work out. We can all remember getting super excited about something and romanticizing about it. Most recently for me, it was Mega Millions, but before that, it was a dream job…. when my husband was shockingly fired from his dream job. I banked on getting it. I NEEDED it. And it didn’t happen. So devastated. But things have worked out for the better. Hubby got a better job and I realized the dream job was just that, a delusional dream. The reality of it position is that I would never see my daughter and work for a super jerk. The best is yet to come. Like Mega Millions.

    • Stacey April 10, 2012 at 5:38 pm

      This made me laugh so hard…

      “Most recently for me, it was Mega Millions…”
      Right there with you on that one :)

    • Amanda May 5, 2012 at 10:56 am

      “Mega Millions” love it

  • leslie Williams April 9, 2012 at 6:54 pm

    My fav part of this was the reference to Dirty Dancing Love you!

    • Erin April 12, 2012 at 12:57 am

      I also LOST it when I read the Dirty Dancing ref!

  • K April 9, 2012 at 6:57 pm

    I’m sincerely sorry you were disappointed. But I also think you should be very proud of what you have accomplished. Your goals were NOT low. And you are fab. there is more to come for you, and it is going to be wonderful. Keep on, hon!

  • Christie April 9, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    Youre awesome, babble or no babble, and remain the only blog to actually make me lol in real life. Chin up, modg!

  • Erin April 9, 2012 at 7:10 pm

    Bitchin. I like this even better.

  • Bethany April 9, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    That really sucks.

    However, you have to know that since I read about your dream job last night, I’ve been jealous over it. I have a humble blog that I write with a voice over like Carrie on SATC and so wish I got money for writing and could do it in a committed blog of time, not just between diaper changes and whatever.

    Good luck.

  • eileen marie April 9, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    So sorry the Babble thing “fell through” (take consolation that they wanted you, but just couldn’t afford you!). Thank you for your honesty. Other opportunities will surely come up, so keep your chin up in that muddy Prada dress!

  • Jenny G. April 9, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    I’m sorry about your missed opportunity, MODG. On the other hand, though, THANK YOU. For keepin’ it real, I mean. I’m about to have my first baby, and my wants are similar to yours. In our family, there’s just no way I can have it all. Which I am mostly ok with, but you know? It helps to know that I’m not the only one.
    So keep writing about vaginas and hippies, ok? I’m going to need something to read while I’m waiting for my cloth diapers to dry.

  • Mattie April 9, 2012 at 7:25 pm

    All I can say is, you’re amazing! I pull up your blog every day hoping that you have made a post because I’ll admit, you make me happy. This too shall pass, you will find your financial peace, keep your head up girl. You need to write a book, I would buy it and I’m sure many of your followers would too. Look into it and let us know.

  • eileen marie April 9, 2012 at 7:27 pm

    Aw Modg, so sorry to hear the Babble thing “fell through” (take consolation that they wanted you, but couldn’t afford you!). Thank you for your honesty. Other opportunities will surely arise, so keep your chin up in that muddy Prada dress!

  • Suzanne April 9, 2012 at 7:38 pm

    Chin up and keep truckin’ along!! (I decided to combine to ridiculous cliches in one.) We all still think you’re totally awesome, and you should be SO proud of everything you’ve accomplished with this blog and with your family. I still want to be you when I grow up (even though I’m pretty sure I’m older than you.)

  • Janet April 9, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    I still think you’re pretty darn awesome.

  • Meagan@Grren Motherhood April 9, 2012 at 7:41 pm

    Ouch, so sorry it didnt work out. Can I be totally 100% selfish and say I’m a teensy tiny bit glad? I didn’t know how you were going to write for babble and keep up with the amount of MODG I want/need to read. But (to be totally cliche) doors close, windows open. All for the best.

  • Una April 9, 2012 at 7:41 pm

    For what it’s worth, I’m pretty sure Clooney is not straight.

    But don’t beat yourself up. Having a popular blog is the new American Dream! For real, you are rockin’ it.

  • Lil' Woman April 9, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    Grrr…I’m sorry your shit fell through girl but you’ve come so far with MODG that as corny as it is, the skies the limit. I’m a long time follower and forever will be because no one can blog like you. :)

    Danny Tanner hugs to you, my dear.

  • marybeth April 9, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    You have still reached your original goal and celebrate that for now.
    BTW I still think you are super cool, Babble or not.

  • Suburban Snapshots April 9, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    I’m sorry it didn’t pan out. It’s hard to make a buck at this gig, especially if you want to hang onto your soul, er, audience. Hopefully, everything happens for a reason and yadda yadda. The job isn’t around but we’re still here.

  • ElsMo April 9, 2012 at 7:52 pm

    No matter what you do, good luck. G will only be young for a little while, enjoy it. Work hard to be the best at what you do each day and know that you make many people smile each day. Bless you and your family and screw Prada!

  • ElisaM April 9, 2012 at 7:53 pm

    It’s hard to admit you were wrong about something. I think you did it very well. So, there’s that.

  • Julie April 9, 2012 at 8:05 pm

    It sounds like the universe has BIGGER things planned for you…

  • Katie @ Strawbridge Stuff April 9, 2012 at 8:17 pm

    BOO sorry to hear this news but don’t let it get you down! It’s clear you’re a badass mom who also happens to write a hilarious blog, and I don’t think those goals qualify as setting the bar low at all!

  • Jamie April 9, 2012 at 8:20 pm

    Way to keep it real Modg. We didn’t want to share you with babble anyway.

  • Alex @ Before The Baby Wakes April 9, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    That stinks. But have you maybe considered like a mother helper or teenager to come over & help with G after school & write for Babble or MODG during those hours instead of daycare?

  • Veralynn April 9, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    I’d rather be Andy Cohen than George Clooney any day! This blog brings more joy to me some days than new episodes of Bethenny. xoxo

  • Julie April 9, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    Oh man girl, sooo bummed for you! But really, Babble is for phoney bitches anyway, right?!

  • Julie April 9, 2012 at 8:31 pm

    Oh Man, sooo bummed for you! But Babble is for phoney bitches anyhow!

  • Annalisa April 9, 2012 at 8:33 pm

    That sucks for you but you know what? Babble sucks even more. Have you ever really read any of their ‘articles’ – they love bringing up useless controversy (i.e. public breastfeeding, vax or no vax, discipline, etc) and letting the anonymous commenters go crazy. It’s a bizarre shit show for the most part. This is a good thing.

    My 2 cents — capitalize more on your blog. You’re seriously the only blog where I read the comments because your readers are funny, respectful, and I’ve gotten some great information from random comments. Instead of you writing content, draw people in with a good discussion (not Babble style though, please). Confession Friday is hilarious — no winners are needed! Just let people write funny things. I bet page views go up? Your fashion adventures are very entertaining. Your Dad’s alcohol reviews (with your commentary) had me laughing pretty hard. I love pretty much any post where you talk about hippy parenting in a helpful and light hearted way. I’m kind of scattered since my 11 month old should be sleeping but it choosing to cry to I can’t generate coherent thoughts BUT I think if you continue to build it, they will come? Oh — don’t forget your drawings! Maybe do a cliche wordless wednesday and express yourself more artistically – they are so creative and funny. Maybe compile some stuff and write a book?

    Wrapping up — don’t be sad by this! I’m sure G will learn to be social despite the lack of daycare and I’m sure you’ll figure out a good system for parenting break time.

    • amanda April 10, 2012 at 8:25 am

      yea, i agree. i was surprised that you would actually want to write for babble, they are super lame. all of their articles are useless lists of crap and annoying mommy bloggers that have no real opinions.

      you are better than that anyways.


      • The Happy Mamma April 10, 2012 at 11:57 am

        This banter is my fav!

        After you said you’d be writing for Babs, I went to their site and got totally engrossed in an article that said to wait until your infant is three to potty train because if you don’t they might get all these side effects, blah, blah, blah. I’ve been planning to bust out the big-boy potty this summer when Hank turns 18 months and then I started to wonder if that was a bad idea and how many UTIs he would suffer from me doing that.

        I decided that the writer must have been paid by diaper companies to write that, and Hank is gonna turd in the toilet (constipated or not).

    • Sabrina April 11, 2012 at 12:05 am

      I agree. Babble is full of moms without any analytical thinking skills.
      Also, what the hippies told you about Splenda being more like a pesticide than sucrose is wrong.

  • Vicki April 9, 2012 at 8:39 pm

    You are hardcore honest. That is the most important thing. More important than vaginas.

    PS – Has anyone asked you to be in the Vagina Monologues? They should. And you should.

    • Erin April 12, 2012 at 12:59 am

      A million years ago, I used to help cast some of the tours – you would be perfect! Great idea Vicki!

  • Navigating the Mothership April 9, 2012 at 8:40 pm

    For what it’s worth, I think Babble is so time consuming that it sucks the life out of people’s regular blogs. I feel like I’ve seen it happen again and again and again (won’t name names, but I can think of three off the top of my head…wait, make that four). It’s blogicide and I actually felt disappointed when you announced the Babble thing. Guess I’m just saying that maybe it’s a good thing? At least for us readers? Anyway, that my little bit of glitter sunshine magic sparkle pants for you (that’s what you’d say, right?)

    Keep it curvy (the line referenced above, or your figure, or what have you)
    Laura :)

  • leslie April 9, 2012 at 8:52 pm

    you know what, screw Babble. my first thought reading that other post was “that’s weird, MODG is waaaay too funny for babble.” you just keep on keepin’ on. or something.

  • Elizabeth April 9, 2012 at 8:52 pm

    What a blow, I’m sorry….
    One door shuts, another one opens. Keep your chin up. Okay, enough with the cliches. You know you’re good enough to find other opportunities, and you will. :)
    (Besides, there are some serious freaks that comment via Facebook on Babble posts… it’s kind of shocking. Maybe you just saved yourself a glimpse into some pure craziness, directed at you!)

  • Mary April 9, 2012 at 9:01 pm

    You’re a hilarious and talented writer. I’m certain that some opportunity will open up that will give you exactly what you want. I see it all the time with my favorite bloggers. Keep putting the positive energy out there and it’ll come back to you!

    To some, you already have it all. I haven’t even birthed my kid yet and I’m having nightmares about handing my 3-month-old daughter over to strangers at a daycare and having to go back to work. How can I possibly focus on a silly TV job when I’ve created a little human and she’s in the care of someone else!? I’m sick about it.

  • Casey @ The Baker Bee April 9, 2012 at 9:02 pm

    I don’t really have much to say here… I’m not real good at the whole empathy/advice thing in general. But, I will say that it sucks that things didn’t work out. Maybe, enough people will email Babble and be all “GIVE MODG A BADASS JOB OR ELSE”… or maybe not… but either way, you still rock to all of us.

  • Lara April 9, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    I wish I knew the perfect words. But this sucks is the best I can come up with. Sucks hard, and I’m sorry for you. I wish there was some way you could work it out with them but I remember pink and orange, and trying to read all of your posts. Don’t ever give up on us, we love you too much!

  • Erma April 9, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    What did Tupac say? “I ain’t mad at cha.”

    I ain’t. I still love you. It’s all good. Something else will come along.

  • Trisha April 9, 2012 at 9:05 pm

    You will do great things. You are honest, funny, and smart. The next thing or the thing after that, or the next thing will be what will fit your world the most. Rock on.

  • Darcy April 9, 2012 at 9:10 pm

    Chin up MODG, we still love you!

  • Norma April 9, 2012 at 9:12 pm

    Can i be your Chuy?! 😉

  • Heather April 9, 2012 at 9:17 pm

    Babble can “F” off – they don’t deserve you! So glad your time won’t be preoccupied at that “other” place so you can spend more time here @ MODG writing about vaginas, boobs, poo & G!

    We ♥ you – always will :)

  • Sara April 9, 2012 at 9:20 pm

    I would have a ton of sad for you, but I only have some, because you really are a great writer, and something else awesome will come up. I am one of those ladies who went back and read all your stuff. It’s how I spent my first trimester, in between barfs. And your blog made me wanna start writing more, because I was stoked to find someone writing about a stage in their life that I was entering, while still having a voice that I could relate to. Something not owned by Disney will snatch you up one day, and you’ll make Oprah dollars, and we can all be really smug about reading you “when.”

  • Lauren April 9, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    My first thought was, “Wow, Babble must pay peanuts if she can’t afford part-time daycare to write for them.” Which means there’s no way they’d be paying you what you’re worth, anyway. I can see how this would be embarrassing but no worries — everyone will just be glad you’re not quitting MODG!

  • ZM April 9, 2012 at 9:31 pm

    I give you so much credit for sharing this because I know how crushing it is when something professional doesn’t work out and/or mesh because of your personal life. It is 9 million times more confusing and weird to deal with when you are a mom. I’ve been going through similar stuff for the past few months trying to figure out how to merge back into the career world after being home with my son. You get SO excited over the potential of a job…then you feel guilty for being excited…then you talk it over with family & friends, come to terms with your guilt, realize you need this for yourself/sanity/family’s wellbeing/income/whatever/all of the above…you get excited again…and BOOM! the said job either goes away for one reason or another, or they change the terms, or you do the math and you won’t break even after childcare…etc. You have to go back and sheepishly tell all the people you confided in about it that it didn’t work out – AND you have to wrap your brain around the fact that yes, you are still going to be staying home with him full time. Then you feel guilty all over again for totally different reasons.

    You’ve done all of that (maybe? or maybe it is just me!) AND had to share it with the internets!

    You aren’t alone!! And thanks for making me not feel alone in that process, either.

  • Becky Mochaface April 9, 2012 at 9:31 pm

    Oh, Modg, I’m so sorry. It will work out someday. I have faith in you.

  • Katie E. April 9, 2012 at 9:41 pm

    I’m sorry honey. That really stinks. We have faced a similar situation with me working as an editor, while being a stay at home mom. I had to back off the manuscripts and just do what I can do for now. But right now isn’t forever. Good luck sweetie. You still get to go on stage! So go to J. Crew and have some retail therapy/costume design.

  • Laura April 9, 2012 at 9:46 pm

    One of my favorite quotes ever is by Marilyn Monroe, of all awesome people. And in it, she says: “Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”

    I truly believe this. You’ll be OK, girl!

  • Domo April 9, 2012 at 9:50 pm

    Since babble is now owned by Disney, maybe it’s a good thing. Disney wants you to sign all your ideas over to them. Not cool. Long live MODG!
    Plus I’m still holding out for MODG day on Ruelala and your curated collection on Piperlime :)

  • MamaMcPlaza April 9, 2012 at 9:54 pm

    I was fairly newly pregnant and as I broke down at a restaurant confessing that I hated being pregnant, she casually mentioned your blog. You’re funny as shit but when my natural hypnobabies birth went c-section, or I had to eliminate all but rice and sweet potatoes to breastfeed a baby with mystery issues or I hated the skinny-fat new moms because I was the real fat new mom – you wrote something that made me feel better. I’m pretty sure to more women than just me, this blog is worth millions (literally replacing millions of dollars worth of books and quack appointments!) so someday it will bring you what it’s worth.

  • Alison April 9, 2012 at 9:58 pm

    Wow. Babble definitely missed out. I read a lot of bloggers (who’s blogs I love) that write for them but have never once clicked through anything on actual Babble.com .I was actually gonna click through and read your posts! Oh well, this just leaves you open for something more spectacular:-)

  • Mary April 9, 2012 at 10:01 pm

    Who wants George Clooney anyway? Sure, he would be great in bed but Andy Cohen will get drunk an go shopping with you. Totally better in the long run.

  • Ivy April 9, 2012 at 10:08 pm

    Oh girlfriend I’m sorry it didn’t work out with Babble. But like others have said, you’re way too good for them anyway ;). Thanks for always being so honest on the interwebz…it’s part of the reason why I keep comin’ back for more.

  • Jell Jell @ I'll Sleep When They're Grown April 9, 2012 at 10:28 pm

    Oh, hons. That big-time sucks. You are adored here, and something better will come along. Although this is pretty dern great.

  • Lauren @ Turquoise & Gold April 9, 2012 at 10:32 pm

    As my mom told me after all my let-downs growing up… THEY’RE JUST JEALOUS! And you know they totally are. Plus, no amount of social interaction at daycare will ever replace how much G loves being with you all the time!

  • Dawn April 9, 2012 at 10:37 pm

    Sorry this didn’t work out, but like other readers, I was very fearful we would lose you! Something better will come along – better for you, better for your family. So no moping! You are awesomesauce!

    Btw: I am one of the ones reading from the beginning! So even though my boss wouldn’t appreciate it, eff that ho, cuz I got better things to do! Fo sho!

    Love ya, MODG!!

  • Tori April 9, 2012 at 11:13 pm

    MODG, you are a terrific writer. Your personality, honesty, and sense of humor radiate from your work. The other gig clearly wasn’t the opportunity for you. Another, even better one, is. And please don’t ever abandon this blog–it brings so much happiness to so many! Including me!

  • Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic April 9, 2012 at 11:22 pm

    You got this girl… babble be damned… besides when have you EVER wanted to write about what people TELL you to write. You’re a trail blazer! As I said… you got this! :) ox

  • Lindsay S April 9, 2012 at 11:39 pm

    Booooooo. Not boooooo to you, but booooooooo to the situation. Isn’t that just like the universe? I feel like it’s so easy to be like it wasn’t worth it/babble sucks/god has other plans/everything will work itself out, and those things may all be true, but it sucks no matter what way you slice it. I hope you’re still inspired to write, but I know I would be way discouraged and not want to touch my computer right now. Hopefully you’ll find comfort in knowing we all want you to be here, writing to us. And also hopefully making money someday too. The American Dream and all that stuff.



  • colleen April 10, 2012 at 5:53 am

    boo. you would have been great for babble. but when one door closes…

    nothing like a cliche to get you back up on those jimmy choos. (but whatever, it’s true).

  • Julialifeisart April 10, 2012 at 7:51 am

    Sorry, dude. That really sucks. If I win the lottery, I’ll hire you to write more MODG & you can put G in daycare part-time.

  • Jasmine April 10, 2012 at 9:06 am

    I love your blog and your honesty! You never hold anything back or sugar coat anything. The right opportunity will come your way. When it does it will be big!

  • Devon @ Green House, Good Life April 10, 2012 at 9:08 am

    Oh honey, I know how that feels. I had a similar experience recently — an editor at a local magazine asked me to write an article but then, after I put hours and hours into it and told a handful of people I was going to be published, went with an unsolicited submission instead. It’s a horrible feeling, but I know better things are ahead than dealing with people who don’t know the difference between “we would like to pay you to write an article” and “we would like to encourage you to submit an article for consideration” — and there are better things ahead for you, too.

  • Morgan April 10, 2012 at 9:12 am

    Some famous Shortsighted Quotes:
    “It doesn’t matter what he does — he will never amount to anything” – Albert Einsteins teacher to his father, 1895

    “There is no chance the iPhone is going to get any significant market share. No chance.” Steve Ballmer, CEO of Microsoft, 2007

    “It fell through with that MODG blogger. Oh well” — Babble Executive, 2012

  • Kerri April 10, 2012 at 9:44 am

    I’m one of those people that came across your blog, went back through the archives and started from the beginning, and have told everyone I know about your blog. Posts like your previous blog are exactly why another, better opportunity will come along for you. You don’t stop and think, what terrible things could happen if I post this? You just tell it how it is. As a professional writer/editor, who is trying to start my own family, you’re an inspiration!

  • kelleyellen April 10, 2012 at 9:45 am

    I have done this exact thing. Well, not exact, because I’m not a writer and I don’t have a blog, but I have certainly been super excited about something, told everyone about it, only to find out that I totally jumped the gun and it wasn’t gonna work afterall. Amazingly, it usually works out. I will continue love reading MODG.

    And you’re a drawsome artist! So there’s that.

  • Sarah April 10, 2012 at 9:55 am

    You are way too awesome to be associated with Babble. Babble is exactly that – a bunch of babble. They are lame, and surely would significantly limit your ability to use terms like “Dickwad” and “Ham Wallet”, without which, the interwebs would be a terrible place.

  • Kate April 10, 2012 at 9:58 am

    I work full time as a lawyer at a big law firm and my baby goes to daycare 4 days a week and gets to paint pictures, go swimming, crawl around, not sleep, and eat foods with her baby friends outside on a blanket without me. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. But it’s what I have to do to pay the bills for my family right now. So when I read your previous post I was like “oh, snap, I should totally try to find an-already-existing-blog to work for because I don’t have time to make my own blog as awesome as I want to.” But then I started doing some research and realized what deep down Ialready knew (and have known since I first chose a JD over an MFA) – most writers don’t get paid shit. And that’s just unfortunate for someone like you with such talent and passion, not to mention a million fans.

    But anyways, on my way into the office this morning, NPR was doing a review of books about Lincoln. You are like Lincoln in this post. Admitting you were wrong and/or changed your mind. That’s admirable. And it pays. Or it will. There are thousands and thousands of books about Lincoln. And, he was the greatest speech writer ever invented. Good luck.

  • heatheradair April 10, 2012 at 10:27 am

    (okay, sorry, I’m gonna end up getting a little bit ME-ME-ME-ME-ME! on our collective asses — sorry, ya’ll):

    I’ve been blogging, off and on (mostly on) for, like, 8 years. Since way back before anyone cared about Twitter and before Facebook made us all fake friends with each other and the comments section of well-read blogs was, like, where dreams were made and broken. Er — old school-like.

    AND, at the high point of those 8 years (like, probably 2006), I had, maybe, 100 readers or something. And that felt like a huge success.

    SO — by comparison, I look at what you have goin here, and what you managed with WANA, particularly, over the holidays, and the “a lit agent contacted me!” bit a year ago or so, and my envious sense of, “oh gee, this post ONLY has 165 comments instead of eleventy billion,” I’d say you’ve been EXTRAORDINARILY successful, and all of that stuff about leading by example for G and following your dreams and calling yourself a writer (giggles or not) and parading around in your metaphorical Prada/Jimmy Choo combo:


    So, from one small-time bloggee brat to a more accomplished one (who’s family ISN’T mortified if she publishes the word VAGINA, you lucky bitch) — congratulations. On building a community of chicks who respect one another and respect you, the high priestess of Danny Tanner/Boob/Cute Pinterest Outfits and WhatNot.

    Way to be. Ya spur less-funny small-timers like me onward :)

  • Stacey April 10, 2012 at 10:30 am

    Now don’t you feel better that you got that off your chest! We’ve all been there done that, got super excited about something and overspoke before it was etched in stone. Oh well you live you learn, move on something better will happen!

  • Mine April 10, 2012 at 11:01 am

    I love how honest and real you are, no matter how much it sucks.

  • Beth Anne April 10, 2012 at 11:31 am

    Bummer, dude. I was looking forward to having you on the “team” but I totally understand when things fall through & it’s a leech to the heart.

    Onward & upward!

  • The Happy Mamma April 10, 2012 at 11:51 am

    I miss pink and orange MODG!

  • Carrie H. April 10, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    I feel bad if you’re disappointed, but maybe it’s for the best. Babble seems a bit glossy & superficial, and I’m happy you’ll be keeping it real here. I talk to my husband like you’re a real friend I have. You’re the best. Something else will come up that will make you happy.

  • Cristina April 10, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    you know what, i admire you even more for having the balls to say it didn’t work out.

  • Ashley April 10, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    Well, Ive been here since the beginning and I know something else will come along. You are doing a great job at all your roles…and the right thing will come. This a lame ass comment, but just wanted to show you some support. I never comment anymore.

  • Allie April 10, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    I agree with other commenters – it is always so great to read your honest posts. So many blogs are so glossy. Thanks for always being authentic, MODG!

  • JBal April 10, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    Sorry to hear things didn’t work out-obviously, bigger, better things are in store.
    I just wanted to leave you with a little something something that may (long-shot) make you smile…
    Not only is this my favorite blog, I have indeed gone back and re-read everything….more than once! (I promise, I am not a weirdo stalker-I am too lazy to actually ‘stalk’ anything or anyone), you are just soo damn funny, I can’t help it! I have told friends, family, co-workers, strangers-anyone who has a pulse/sense of humor-to check you out!
    I know it’s not a paying gig, but I hope this brought a bit of a smile? Or, to put it lame-ly: By making us all smile/happy YOU should be happy/smiley or some shit? Helpful?
    MODG fo’ LIFE

  • Jenn in Tenn April 10, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    I think it’s pretty awesome how honest you are about it! It would have been so easy to let it go. Obviously you love us TOO MUCH to just live a lie!! Well boo for crushed dreams and all that…but I’m so selfishly glad we don’t havta share you with anyone else! Keep it up with the words here… I love your words!

  • Courtney April 10, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    So sorry! I respect your honesty though…I know it is tough when you have a certain vision for your life and a clear direction and the whole earth tilts on it’s axis and well…things get all muddy! Anyhow, I am thankful you will still be commited to vaginas and baby poop!

  • Yet another SAHM April 10, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    I’m sorry you didn’t land your dream job (yet!), but – honestly – I was a touch disappointed for MODG when I read yesterday’s post. I almost always stop reading when the blogger heads over to Babble (or insert any-other-big-money-grubbing-website here). You do an awesome job on MODG – even your sponsored posts are cool. I hope you get your dream job soon, but hope you don’t sell out on the SAHM / MODG gig either! Good luck.

    And, P.S. – I have a 16 month old and just bought a similar kitchen sink step stool for her today because of the picture of G at the sink in yesterday’s post. I HATE holding her squirming body over the sink every time we have to wash hands… So, please use this comment as proof that MODG has power with SAHMs and keep on gently peddling products to us here! :)

  • SpontaneousMom April 10, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    You could be more than the next Britney Chelsea Oprah Spears!!! You (and your side kick Dad) are awesome!! Thanks for making me laugh- A LOT. (I have been here since the pink and orange days- love MODG!)

  • Jennifer (take the day off) April 10, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    You are WAY above Babble anyway. Keep doing what you’re doing. The reality show and the book deal and more importantly the reality show is soon to follow.

  • Jessica April 10, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    MODG – I feel so sorry for Babble for not understanding you are totally worth giant buckaroos, but I’m SO happy for all those of us who carry internet torches for you because I like your self-directed and (as was said before) brutally honest posts just as they are. And I also agree that companies should bang down your door to have you reviewing and peddling their products. I wanted new jeans – even when I didn’t need any – when you did your series about them. Why? Because you called them vagina hats. xo

  • demi April 10, 2012 at 6:28 pm

    hey. shit happens. kudos for you for being so transparent and honest about your life. its fucking refreshing. you are on a path…though you may not know the exactness of it..it will come soon. but know you are on a path. for real. ok much love to you. we all still love you and your blog!! xo

  • Allyson April 10, 2012 at 7:02 pm

    I know how you feel, but on a much smaller scale. I got incredibly excited about an internship, only to get a few emails from the woman and then not hear from her again. You have no idea how much it sucks to send like five politely worded “did you forget me biiiiitch” emails. But like my parents say, there’s always something better when you miss out on something good. On another note – I googled what you told me not to. And my iPad was forever changed.

  • The Other Jen April 10, 2012 at 9:20 pm

    I got you a pair of Loubs to make you feel better.
    And by got I mean I spent 20 minutes waiting for their shitty website to load so I could find some amazing sparkly shoes to give to you.
    And by give I mean I <3 MODG.


    These shoes claim they will "never fail to bring light to a dark room".
    Tell B that you need some light.

  • Laura April 10, 2012 at 10:44 pm

    I was one of those who read one post via a friend and was like dang she’s cool and funny and need to read the background info bc why the heck does this girl call her kid drama baby, and I started blog post 1 and was finished in 2 days. That’s partly sad bc I stated at my phone (yes I read them on my iPhone) for hours. Partly it’s awesome bc your blog is that good :) you’re awesome! Thanks for always sharing so honestly!

  • Lolo April 11, 2012 at 1:28 am

    There are 90+ comments before me. That has a twinkly jingling of success to me. Shit, I was reading a national news site today and never saw more than 20 or 30 comments on any of their posts. So…. To put this in cool people math: MODG = 90+ comments…therefore…MODG > big time national news people …so X=fuck yea! You’re awesome! <3

  • Kiki April 11, 2012 at 9:00 am

    Don’t you dare stop dreaming of it! Just because the timing was not right now, what would have happened had G been in preschool or kindergarten? I know those things still seem a ways off but ask any mom, it happens before you know it. This is just some validation along the way that you are on a good path. Keep at it and see what is around the next corner. Go MODG!!

  • KLA April 11, 2012 at 9:50 am

    I have been reading your blog for a least two years and I have not once commented! I did however vote for you in the nursery competition because I am cool like that. I think your shit is ulta funny and at 28 I by no means could mentally handle a child of my own so it is fun to read about your adventures. I have also referenced your blog to my friends when they are talking about children problems… I mean maybe they need to your know hippy ways! Just keep doing what you are doing and something good will come out of it. From what other commentors are saying Babble just isnt cool enough for you! Good Luck!

  • Leigh April 11, 2012 at 10:57 am

    (not so) secretly I am really relieved. Things seem really serious over there and the idea of you splitting your time made me worried about how i would pass the time while listening to webinars in my office.

  • Theresita April 11, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    I’ve had the honor to keep up with you since the beginning. I want you to know that your witty humor kept me going while I was working in the fire pits of hell for 2 years! You give us all hope and joy! You’re already ahead of the game, you have so many people rooting you on! I’m sure you will find something bigger and better!

  • AMK April 11, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    I am one of those crazies who found your blog last year, and loved it so much that I read through it from the beginning. I truly think it reads like a book! Like Bridget Jones, but without all the whining about being fat (because you are so skinny obvs). Babble schmabble… Go for the book deal and keep it real!

  • Beth April 11, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    I’m glad you’re not going! Stupid websites thinking they can pay people crap and still expect that people will just deal. Good for you for standing your ground and working on your own project than becoming a blogger lost in the mix over at babble. Plus babble stinks. I tried reading their articles and they’re a depressing lot. Anything on breastfeeding has similac ads splattered all over and are sooooo negative. The ones about breastfeeding on their right now talk about how it’s the end of modesty, you’ll have bloody milk, you’ll be bored and you’ll have saggy boobs and a fat body. Babble isn’t a place for boob love.

  • Tracy P April 11, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    I just want to say that I have been reading your posts since the VERY BEGINNING, but I’ve never commented, participated in contests, voted for whatever, etc., etc. I know, I know. I’m sorry. Very wrong of me. I’ve loved you in secret (Not that kind of love. Gross.), BUT I have recommended you to many, and all have followed suit (pretty sure they don’t post, either. I know. Sorry). We all love you together and discuss our fave posts. You have so many fans who you don’t EVEN KNOW ABOUT yet!! So don’t be Leo Down in the Dumps… Keep up the awesome work, and THANK YOU for making me laugh daily :)

  • Amy B April 11, 2012 at 8:59 pm

    I honestly feel better. I was actually feeling like “damn, she’s my age, I’m still figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up, we both have our first babies, and I can’t afford to stay home anymore either. I wish I had a dream part time job come my way.” Get the book ready already. And thumbs up to B for pointing out what you’ve accomplished. He’s totally right.

  • Mandy April 12, 2012 at 12:09 am

    I didn’t even know what Babble was so clearly that means they are idiotsticks and do not deserve the likes of you. You are one of the funniest people I have never met. Life just has something different in mind for you – can’t wait to see what it is!
    PS -(You know what would be funny, an MS painting of you “moping” in your puddle dress and other details of hilarity, LOL!)

  • Erin April 12, 2012 at 1:04 am

    I didn’t have a chance to read through all of the comments – so sorry if this is redundant – but most importantly, I’m pretty sure Clooney’s leaning more towards Andy than Andrea. Second important thought, can you still send G to day care at least 1 day per week? I currently work 3 days per week. 1.5 days I bring in money, and the other 1.5 days I’m working on stuff to try get to my dream job. The 1.5 days that is paid makes enough to do 3 days of nanny. So what I’m getting at – can you go work at your favorite store for 1 day per week (get a discount!) and you’d make enough in one day of retail to pay for TWO days of daycare – and so one day a week you make money and one day a week you are home without a baby working on MODG and working your way to your dream job. I am SO MUCH happier now that I’m no longer a SAHM (which I was for only 4.5 months). I’ve noticed that my husb and I only have sex on days that I work outside of the house – I’m just not in the mood when I’ve been Mommy all day… All the best!

  • Erica April 12, 2012 at 8:41 am

    sucks about babble but I’m sure you will find your Danny Tanner of a job. I admit, on my work computer, that I check this blog daily hoping to find a new post cause I know it will make me laugh. It sucks to miss out on what you thought was a dream job, but it makes way for an even bigger and more kickass Asian type dream job… maybe they would even pay you to learn to speak asian (chinese, japanese, korean, whatevs…)… Keep your head up… G is a lucky baby to have you and B and will continue to be… daycare or no daycare. Im totally sure that he won’t be the kid in kindergarten who bashes his head against the wall or who smells bad… noone wants the smelly kid..

    Hearts, Brittney and Danny Tanner forever

  • Jenny April 12, 2012 at 7:10 pm

    I love you anyway, babble or no babble.

  • Kate April 12, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    I agree with a lot of what others are saying. If you took that job what could have been waiting around the corner that you would’ve missed? This has been so dang true in my own life. Though this thinking can also drive you crazy if you let it. I just use it as a reminder that we shape our own lives. You are shaping yours by knowing what you’re worth and not just taking everything that comes your way.

  • KT April 12, 2012 at 9:31 pm

    Oh, friend (yes, we are friends now)…I’m sorry! I hope you know that for me (like many others), reading your blog is one of the highlights of my week! I secretly read it on my iPhone when I see there’s an update since I’m childless and don’t want my co-workers to see me reading about breastfeeding and cloth diapers on my work computer…both of which I’m pretty much an expert at thanks to you! I’ve been reading for more than a year and was one of the ones who read all of your posts for days to catch up on the first year and a half. It was crazy to be so genuinely excited for you in your good news the other day and so genuinely sad with this news–like other readers, we really feel like we know you! You have a great gift of telling stories and making us relate to you! You ARE a writer (a pretty awesome one) whether Babble pays you or not. Don’t doubt the influence and support you have here! Thanks for continuing to write!

  • meaghan @ bambino mom April 12, 2012 at 11:38 pm

    I read this a couple days ago but I had to come back to say that I admire your honesty. It makes me want to do the same with stuff in my life! And I bet it feels pretty damn good to get it off your chest too… even though it’s nothing bad. Anyway, thanks for always keepin’ it real. :)

  • Anita April 12, 2012 at 11:49 pm

    When I read the first line of this post I thought “Oh no! Modg and B are getting a divorce!” or “Modg’s benign breast thing wasn’t benign afterall!” or “Something is wrong with G!” or “A family member passed away!”. I’m so, so happy it wasn’t any of those things, and you should be too.

    Jobs and opportunities come and go. Being a mom is sometimes like being at the bottom of a bank of escalators seeing everyone else going up while you and your stroller lurk at the bottom trying to figure out how to get up to those higher levels with them and with baby in tow. You’ve got the talent and you’ve got a rapt audience, the rest will come in time.

    For now, kiss your husband, your baby and your Pete (and the rest) and be happy to be MODG.

  • Cat April 13, 2012 at 1:24 am

    Confession time: It took me less than a week to read your archives earlier this year. It was winter break and I wasn’t working, ok?

  • Leigh April 13, 2012 at 9:17 pm

    Different Leigh here than the one who commented above. I wanted to add my voice offering sympathy that this gig didn’t work out. I have read Babble a bit and have no real opinion on them, but I had a similar experience as an independent blogger who went to work for Change.org and it turned out to not be what I wanted and it was so much work for a pittance.

    I had a little political blog that was never the size of MODG, and I never had the fearlessness that you did. Once my extended family started reading it after I had been blogging for about 2 years, I totally quit writing. I felt too self-conscious about my pretty leftist political views so I stopped writing, and I have always regretted it, so I am impressed/envious that you have built MODG. It really is a fantastic, funny site.

    I did parlay my own writing into a gig with Change.org in 2009 when they were first launched, and for awhile it was great, a chance to keep up my lefty political diatribes but to a bigger audience with more engaged commenters. But as the site grew, there was so much editorial change and increasing control that just didn’t work for me as a writer, so I left after about a year. Considering Babble was just bought by Disney, it’s possible that the editorial control could have been quite unsettling/problematic for someone of your honesty, wit and style, after the initial elation wears off that you have this great big new platform and editors who want you to succeed (since you may come to realize that their terms for success are quite confining).

    Also, the $$ was so low, and the mental energy and time required for daily new content so enormous, that the other main reason I left was because I was never going to finish my dissertation if I kept blogging, and it was for hardly any $$.

    This is a needlessly long comment but I just wanted to offer sympathy and some experience that perhaps takes the edge off the disappointment. It is unusual for such an original voice like yours to mesh well in a corporate setting, as you already know, and this big blogs can be just as corporate as say Disney – ha! – They just don’t mind that you’re in your pajamas at your desk.

    Hope the weekend brings you some cheer and good wine.

  • Leigh April 13, 2012 at 9:25 pm

    The one other thing you might consider…the other feminist blog I read religiously is Shakesville, and it has a voluntary subscription that readers can use to make contributions, since the primary author of the site basically treats the blog as her full time job. It is not a mandatory subscription by any means, and the amount is readers’ choice. She also has a donate button.

    I am pretty sure she doesn’t bring in much from it, but it definitely helps give her some modest income, and readers like contributing financially since they basically read and comment like it is a daily newspaper for their own very small blog community. Faithful readers and commenters call themselves Shakers. Perhaps we can be MODGkins or something cheesy/creepy like that! Yikes. :)

  • lisa April 14, 2012 at 12:07 am

    first of all, love your blog… you are awesome and all that jazz. really do love your blog

    r.e. babble: i am telling you it is all happening for a reason. If you do the work you love and it is just a natural expression of yourself (like you are doing now) you will find that you are eerily guided to and gently moved away from different “opportunities” as they are or are not right for you. It is like the success track is on auto pilot because you don’t need to drive it so hard as someone in a “career”. This is because if you do what you love you are in total alignment so it all works out exactly as it should. I know I sound a little weird right now but I know of what I speak. :) Do your thing fully and it all lays out perfectly.

    On the subject though: a little daycare is always awesome and don’t feel guilty when the time comes. And also, you don’t need to have a big important job excuse to also not feel guilty about taking some time for yourself and doing a little pre- preschool program or something. I own my own business and have three kids and this guilt thing is always there – let it go.. you are an awesome mom and the kiddies like being with other people anyway. they really do.

    Okay – so excited to see what the next bend in the road brings you! stay modg

  • Amanda K. April 16, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    ugh. i’m so sorry. i’m sorry as a fellow writer. you mentioned that writing is something you love — and you’re AWESOME at it. it makes sense that a talented writer like you would make millions and trillions of dollars, but it’s so hard to rake in dough as a writer. i worked as a freelance writer for two years and when i got a job making $30,000 a year i thought, “wow. now i have REAL money.”
    and i’m just sorry it didn’t work out. you have a sweet blog, plus this means more time with your little man.

  • Paula A. April 30, 2012 at 11:05 am

    i teared a little. you’re an inspiration and i know for a fact that you’re an awesome mom. as cliche as it sounds, things happen for a reason. it’ll work out. i know it.