Thank god you’re still here.
I thought you got all Lost on me and vanished into an alternate reality complete with smoke monster.
2 days ago, I go to write you a super extra good post. You know about The Bachelor and a tooth of mine and soft baby craps. That kind of post. And BAM you all had disp’rd. I had just a blank screen. And you best believe I panicked. I asked G if he had anything to do with this and he ate one of his toes in response. That means, “I don’t give a shit about your dumb website mom”. Turns out the internet was just in the mood to F me.
No one on the internet wanted to help me and finally my unicorn prince helped me again. Just because. Ladies, I’m here to tell you that you can find your unicorn prince too. You just need to buy a shit ton of unicorn food. You can’t expect him to just show up if you’re all lazy like.
Regardless, I’m here. And you’re here. And we can move on with our official MODG business.
As I’m writing this, I have iTunes open in the background and all I can see is that it’s recommending “A Mother’s Gift” by Carnie Wilson. No iTunes you asshole. No. Bad call.
So this is going to be one of those posts where I keep talking about what this post is going to be, like right in the middle of the post because I don’t have much to say.
So here are my points:
1) Soft Craps: G has exploded his diaper every day at least once for 2 weeks now. SHIT IS EVERYWHERE. I’ve fed this child every sponge of a food I can think of to absorb the softies up. No go. We go through a pair of pants, a changing pad cover and usually socks every day thanks to the softies. Then B comes home to a softies diaper in the sink because I literally can’t be around softies anymore and I just lock it away. THANK YOU ANTIBIOTICS.
2) MY MONDAYS: We call this Amanda’s Special Time in my house. I invite you to the wonderment of awe that is my Monday night. Bachelor, red wine, dark chocolate, latest magazine or Jcrew ‘logue, iPad for looking up ‘logue items and such and a locked door. Should you dare interrupt my special time, dark dark forces will rise against you and tell you how annoying you are for bothering me and that you should probably go downstairs and keep watching that cartoon with the talking baby that you watch, even though you are an adult and probably shouldn’t be watching cartoons, let alone ones featuring babies. JS.
3) The Project: I feel like I should update you on my fat assness. Remember that 40 second trip to hell that was G taking 1 nap? Well my workout was clearly not happening then. But G went back to 2 naps. But guess who didn’t go back to working out? Joe Jonas! No, just me. I was just thinking of him because he was on Smash AND Andy Cohen.
4) I love tv so much.
5) I love Pinterest so much.
6) I have a good Stuff I Like post coming up. It includes MY #1 FAVORITE STUFF I LIKE EVER IN THE WHOLE UNIVERSE OF THINGS AND STUFF.
7) The other day I googled the lyrics to the Education Connect song just because. Don’t tell B that though, he’ll make me get a job if he knows that I have that kind of free time. But I thought we could end with that.
I’m working for an hourly wage. I went to high school, didn’t do great. Still I gotta make more cash, more education is what I’m looking at. When I get a degree, I will make a bigger salary.
So now I got to see, which college is right for me. I went on the Internet and found Education Con-nec-tion. I took some free tests to find out my direction. I’m takin’ my classes online, gettin’ my degree on my on time. Education Connection matched me with the right college for free.
I totally judge her. What a loser. Then I feel guilty about it. Like maybe she had a really tough life.
Then I smack myself and google the lyrics.
I’m so glad you’re not lost. But after this post you may wish I was. I will accept comments including soft crap remedies, worship type comments about my Mondays, and anything telling B that cartoons are dumb.