I'm funny

There’s really no good reason to read this. Unless you like ultimate sadness and poop pictures.

January 26, 2012

Raise your hand if you know what croup is?

If you answered a combination of crap and poop YOU ARE CORRECT.

However I also found out very quickly that it is a baby virus sent to torture sweet little smushy baby faces all around the world (and their parents). Right smack dab in the middle of my boob lump drama, G caught croup. He caught it somehow, in the dark, in his crib, in the middle of the night. I think he’s hiding shit under his mattress. Like rusty nails and saliva from friends.

We wake up to the most horrid sounding cough you can imagine. I thought my son had become a seal. Because the cough literally sounds like a barking seal. It’s HORRIFIC. The child then had trouble breathing. Like for serious you guys. I brought him into our bed and was quickly reminded how happy I am that we no longer co-sleep. So I ended up sleeping on his nursery floor while he would do this

15 minutes
seal bark SCREAM stop breathing
*trip to the steam bathroom*
15 minutes
seal bark SCREAM stop breathing
mom loses her shit
Dad takes G outside in the FREEZING cold to get night air
mom cries in a corner
15 minutes
seal bark SCREAM stop breathing


I debated taking him to the ER but I’m a queen over reactor so I thought I’d be a sensible mom and wait it out.
Sensible moms are assholes.

Because not 15 minutes after sitting with the doctor, he sent us to the hospital for xrays for PNEUMONIA.
jesusgod people. BABY PNEUMONIA.

I called B in hysterics.

B: It’s ok, I’ll meet you there in 15 minutes
B: Just DRIVE.

Do you know what is sad? Yes, those Sarah McLaughlin animal commercials. I agree. But so is a tiny child getting a chest xray. But he did not have pneumonia. Thank god. He was then admitted directly to the ER because he was “working to breathe”. What a TERRIBLE sentence.

I’ll wait while you get a bandaid for your heart.

He got a tiny little breathing treatment that made him look like a dragon, some steroids and lots of fever reducer because it was 103.3 ja;sldkjfa;lskdjfa;lksdjf
My poor little monkey who bounces off the walls couldn’t even sit up. I cried maybe every odd hour.

The only thing that made the child happy the next day was a warm steamy bath. So happy that for the first time ladies and gentlemen, he shit in the tub. WARNING, I’M GOING TO SHOW YOU THE SHIT. IF YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE IT. DON’T LOOK.

NOW STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT SEEING IT. Because I am the one who had to get the very sick child out and fish the poop out with my hand in a plastic bag that OOPS looks like it has a hole in it. Awesome. And oops, the poop disintegrates into 1 million tiny poops diffusing throughout the tub of water, all through the tiny holes and crevices of rubber ducks and toy boats. I am then the one who gets the STRAINER from the kitchen to get the bigger poops out to dump them into the toilet. I am then the one who has to collect the poop toys into a bucket with the poop strainer and somehow clean out the tub because it smells like a frat toilet.

I obviously sent that picture straight to B and requested a raise in my House Manager salary.

B says this: I would have just flushed the poop.

Please remember that B has given this child a bath every single night of his life and he poops with me.

But G was not better and today we found out that he has bronchitis and double ear infections. But he’s starting to improve and let me tell you this: This took more out of me and was 100 times more stressful for me than finding out about Mr lumpy hump.

The one thing that got me through my lump ordeal was telling myself how much worse it would be if G was the one with a mysterious lump instead of me. That made me grateful for my lump and gave me the strength and courage to face it head on. And having G sick this week was a really good constant reminder of that.

This was G’s first REAL sickness and it won’t be his last and I have NO idea how I’m going to deal with more of this. I don’t know how any of you deal with this.
I am currently working on a love bubble for my baby. It’s made of marshmallow, bunnies and clouds and it protects my super sweet baby from rusty nails and friend saliva. He can totally live in that for a good 17 years. Oh, I’m also considering accepting donated breastmilk for G. And that is not a joke. I really miss having my super sweet magical health juice for G. He was never sick with the good shit.

Now please tell me how you keep your children safe. I’m accepting blueprints for bubbles.

Also I don’t want to hear about the shit picture. Go wash your eyes.

Worn the F out,



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  • Lisa January 26, 2012 at 9:27 pm

    Heart is just breaking for you and baby G right now. My baby T got Bronchilitis just after she weaned herself too, terrifying stuff and made me want to force her back onto boobie to keep her healthy. That shit is magic.
    So glad G are doing better and thank Britney your lump is full of nothingness.
    Love and sparkles

  • Lauren January 26, 2012 at 9:28 pm

    Oh have I been there! We’ve had several pneumonia x-rays (all negative) and the breathing treatments help a LOT…we have a machine & albuterol on hand now at home just in case. The first time I thought I was just a horrible mom for not knowing before he was sick that he was sick. After about 70 times w/ croup/bronchitis/ear infections it gets a little less stressful. Hell, one time my oldest son had a MRSA on HIS PENIS. ON HIS PENIS. Nothing prepared me for that or the 105 degree temperature that came with it. And when we tried to figure out how it happened (he was potty training at that time and it could have been picked up anywhere) we realized there is no protecting from germies. Point being……………you are doing great and kids get sick and sometimes shit happens and you have no control over it and that’s why there’s wine for mommies and that’s why there’s mommies for little boys who are sick :) Hang in there….

  • Aida January 26, 2012 at 9:28 pm

    That picture of Baby G broke my heart, frsrsly. Hope he starts feeling better :/

  • Susan January 26, 2012 at 9:29 pm

    My babies are 29 and 31. Just reading your blog brought back a wave of memories! Yes…there will be more times like this…but you get braver (most times). Your “croup” experience sounded very familiar. My OMG memory was chicken pox. I remember sit by the tub with my little one in an Aveno bath crying my heart out. Just so you know….get used to your heart walking around outside your body. It.never.stops.

  • Heather January 26, 2012 at 9:31 pm

    Seriously sad. Poor little dude! And poor mama.
    I just about pissed myself reading about the poop. Both my kids have done it. And that poop looks solid till you try to get it out, whereby it falls apart and creates the poop soup.
    Yes, I have a name for it.
    Sending healthy vibes. Being a parent is effing HARD.

  • Lara January 26, 2012 at 9:32 pm

    My baby is a month younger than yours. She had pneumonia last month and had to spend the weekend in the hospital. It sucked so bad. She coughed all night long while she was sick. We do it because we have to. We are the strong mommies because there aren’t any bubbles good enough.

  • Laura Tyler January 26, 2012 at 9:33 pm

    Sorry about G and the poop in the bath! Go to human milk for Human babies. They have a Facebook page too. That way you can find someone in your area who has milk. Hope it helps and hope G gets better.

  • Dawn January 26, 2012 at 9:34 pm

    What a sad little guy! That picture just about broke my heart (not the poop picture, the other one). I hope he starts feeling better soon. I know you (and all us mommies) would give anything to take away our baby’s pain. But you will get through it!! And if I still had The Good Shit, I would TOTALLY send you some. But we stopped a few months ago, at 13 months. His little antibodies will start kicking in! Hugs to you and warm-fuzzy-super-get-well-butterfly-kisses-from-unicorns to G! Hang in there!!!

  • Caroline January 26, 2012 at 9:37 pm

    My 13mo old is still on the boob juice, and he currently has (his second) double ear infection, and had RSV in October…you’ve just been lucky so far. I’ve been through the terrible chest x-ray experience with our little one when he was 10 mo old- and fortunately for us it wasn’t pneumonia then either.
    With his first ear infection, we found out he was allergic to the antibiotic! That was yet another horrible experience to add on top of the fever, cough, snot, crying experience.

  • Jasmine January 26, 2012 at 9:39 pm

    Sorry that its been so rough! I can totally relate to the whole croup thing – I swear my son had it every other month. He was also asthmatic when he was little. Notice that I am using past tense – it does get better my son is 11 now and he has grown out of all of that stuff. But it was super scary stuff

    You know what I hate – your kid wakes up and has a little bit of a runny nose – no big deal. Eats , acts normal all day then 2am WHAM!!! Wake up screaming and burning up, horrible cough and is so congested they cant breathe. Where did that come from and why didn’t it show up at 2pm instead of 2am? It ALWAYS happens like that! So best of luck and eventually they will out grow the bulk of it.

  • jell jell @ I'll Sleep When They're Grown January 26, 2012 at 9:52 pm

    Oh, MODG. I can totally relate. Like, literally. EB had pneumonia that turned into double ear infections. Now she needs tubes in her ears. Super high fever, the ER, the whole thing. I hear ya, and I can feel your pain. They are so small and helpless! Hope he gets better soon!!

  • Kelly January 26, 2012 at 9:56 pm

    So happy to hear that G is getting better! Thank you so much for sharing. I’m selfishly comforted to hear that I am not the only mom going through this right now. Is that bad?
    Our little guy is suffering through Croup at the moment too. That cough is the scariest thing, isn’t it!? I thought about waiting to take our little guy in because this is (I think) the little man’s 7th serious cold this season… and I’ve been too prompt to visit the doctor before and felt stupid when I got there and he acted normal from the second we walked in the door to the second we left. And then we just had to go back a few days later when things inevitably got worse. However, the barking cough was too much for me this morning. So I rushed him in this morning and am so glad I did.
    Right now we have the crib propped up on one end by dictionaries (I knew those would come in handy some day…) hoping that will let him sleep for longer than 20 min increments. Last night we got a 3 hour stretch. But we’ll see. The doctor told us tonight and tomorrow will be worse than last night. Our boots and coats are waiting by the back door for a necessary trip out into the cold. I’m just crossing my fingers and hoping that the morning doesn’t find us in the ER.
    Again, thanks for sharing.

  • lbterp January 26, 2012 at 9:59 pm

    wishing baby G a quick recovery!!! you must have been terrified, that picture with the tears just broke my heart way to go on getting through the most sucktastic week ive heard of in quite some time.

    when i was 21 i was diagnosed with a heart condition that was treatable with minor surgery. ill never forget how after it was all over and i had recovered — i came down the stairs and said “i actually feel good enough to go for a run!” and my mom just started crying hysterically. i mean the UGLY cry. it was so much harder for her than it was for me, and she was so relieved when I was better. when it comes to moms, we are always just those tiny helpless babies in our cribs at night.

    sending healing thoughts your way!!

  • Dera January 26, 2012 at 10:01 pm

    I’ve been reading your blog for a while but this is my first time commenting. You always crack me up, so thanks for that!

    Were you IN the tub when he pooped? Because the very first time I ever bathed with my baby (he had always had kitchen sink baths prior to this, and had never pooped in there) he pooped in the tub. With me in it. It was NASTY. At least he wasn’t eating solids yet, but that almost made it worse because it was just little weird poop particles all over the water. There was no containing the disaster. I had to take like three showers after the bath.

    Your croup story made me really glad that I’m still breastfeeding my now 20 month old. Sometimes people try to make me feel weird about that, but then I hear about croup and crap and I think, THANK GOD my son is still crazy addicted to boob milk.

    • MODG January 27, 2012 at 7:58 am

      No I wasn’t IN the tub. I would have vomited.

      • Emily G. February 29, 2012 at 3:35 am

        My daughter has pooped in the tub twice while I was in there with her. It was absolutely disgusting. Little yellow (yes, yellow breastfeeding poop) bits floating around us while I tried to figure out the best way to get myself and my infant daughter out of the tub before I flipped out. After those two times I always put a cloth diaper cover on her to catch any poops that came out. And then I realized that it made the most sense to bathe right after she pooped to avoid another poop bath debacle.
        She’s 17 months now and uses her potty before every bath. Especially if I’m getting in the tub too.

        My husband has a special term for poop floating in the bath: POOTICLES.

  • Hannah January 26, 2012 at 10:03 pm

    Oh I’ve been there… the poop in the tub, the croup, the flipping out. I agree with Susan – you will get braver as you go. I’m now on baby #3 and I only get really concerned if I see blood, bone, or if her farts sound like someone is yelling in German. Then I know there’s gonna be some trouble.

    • Cami January 27, 2012 at 7:48 am

      OMG. Dear Lord, I just cried after the farts in German thing.
      HOLY CRAP.
      Funniest thing I have read in ages.

    • Jessica January 27, 2012 at 8:57 am

      OMG me too, Cami! yelling in german – My abdomen hurts from the laughter…

  • Lacey January 26, 2012 at 10:06 pm


    Croup is scary! I had no idea how scary it is. My baby (7mo) has yet to get sick for reals so I have not yet been throug that level of hell. But that is the stuff my nightmares are made of. Soooo glad to hear he is on the mend.

    If you lived in Washington, I would totally give you my boobmilk. Not in part because then I would get to meet you and force you to hang out with me in exchange for said boob milk. Creepy, I know. But in a flattering way, right?

  • Katie E. January 26, 2012 at 10:07 pm

    Bless all of your hearts. Poor G and poor you. The first real sickness is the worst, and you got a bad go-round on top of that. I think my G got really sick for the first time with a double ear infection, strep, and pink eye. During my first week of finals in grad school. I think I cried, but I really don’t remember much except the hell of ear and eye drops and some damn statistics. Here’s the for reals on baby sickness: it sucks balls, but you get better at handling it. As he gets bigger it will still hurt your heart, but you get better with it. Prayers for you and your family. Oh, poop in the tub never gets better, only bigger….

  • Alex P. January 26, 2012 at 10:12 pm

    Okay. Boychik has had RSV SIX times. Every time he gets it, Ms Scarlett gets it too. We have a nebulizer, and I’m a huge believer in Vicks vaporizers and Vick’s rub on the soles of their feet. It works better than on the chest, really.

    Bex, my oldest, had to get something pulled out of her throat and a drain put behind her ear for acute mastoiditis all before she was a year old. She’s had three sets of tubes. She’s not thirteen and has no problem showing you her “butterfly” scar.

    Ms Scarlett’s the only one that hasn’t given me any real health issues. I promise you’re going to get through this and ER docs and pediatricians are used to first-timer over-reacting. You’re fine, a good Momma, and all G needs is a little medical advice and Momma time (cause that cures it ALL).

  • Alexandria January 26, 2012 at 10:22 pm

    OMG. My son had one of those scary xray as well at about the age G was. I wanted to commit suicide just watching it. It was horrible.

  • NMK January 26, 2012 at 10:24 pm

    Poor G and poor MODG!
    I hear ya on heartbreaking! My little monkey has chicken pox right now!! We’ve had a horrible month, me and hubs bronchitis, C cold, me pink eye and then I was so stressed that I had shingles flare up and now C caught the pox! He’s too young for the vaccine! I feel horrible that he’s miserable because of me!! On top of that my car died twice and I started a new job!! Holy stress batman!!
    Here’s hoping that the rest of the year is full of rainbows, sparkles and unicorns!!

  • Nathalie Carol January 26, 2012 at 10:32 pm

    That has to be the saddest picture I’ve ever seen! I hope G gets better soon!!!

  • Kelleyellen January 26, 2012 at 10:34 pm

    Two days in a row you have made me cry, then laugh! Tears my heart up to hear about your babe’s pain, and know you’re feeling it too. Previous poster sent sparkles, which I loved…so strength & double sparkles to you sister!

  • Danielle @ Casa Bower January 26, 2012 at 10:37 pm

    Babies in the hospital is the worst thing. We had to take our baby girl in when she was 13 months old for dehydration. She was throwing up and wouldn’t keep even Pedialyte down. So we spent 4 hours in the ER with her little arm hooked up to an IV. Poor thing, she was so sad, and I was barely keeping it together.

    Kudos to you and the horrendous week you have had. You deserve a cocktail. Thank goodness you and baby G are all going to be ok.

  • Lindsey January 26, 2012 at 10:43 pm

    Lady, do I feel you. And when I say feel you, I mean I KNOW EXACTLY HOW SHITTY HAVING A SICK BABY WITH POSSIBLE PNUEMONIA AND HAVING TO GET CHEST X-RAYS IS. We went though this not too long ago. There’s nothing worse than watching your poor baby “work to breathe” as you and our own doctor both put it. And if our doctor or nurses as the pediatrician office say one more g.damn time, “She’s building up her immunities…you’ll be glad when she starts kindergarten and doesn’t get sick like everyone else,” I will slap them across the face with my black glitter TOMS. Our daughter was deemed “asthmatic” and put on twice daily breathing treatments, which she screams bloody murder though. Torture.

    So, hearts and farts. I feel your mom pain.

  • Lara January 26, 2012 at 10:48 pm

    Aww, poor little G… I am so sorry he was so sick and so glad he’s feeling better. Anyone would feel better after dropping that sub in the tub! 😉 As for donated breast milk, there are definitely resources but have you googled re-lactation? It’s entirely likely that you could get the girls going again without too much trouble, just by pumping and offering G the boob again… just a thought! There’s nothing like the real thing, baby.

    • MODG January 27, 2012 at 7:59 am

      I can’t. I had to wean because of necessary medication. My milk is now baby poison.

  • Robyn January 26, 2012 at 11:03 pm

    Poor baby G… My babycakes had the same thing. croup w/ ear infection & then he got pneumonia. doing the x-ray was HORRIBLE. On a different note, that blue stripey shirt is super cute! Where is it from? & poop soup… hahahhahahahahha. I’ve been through that about 17 times. funfun.

  • ZDub January 26, 2012 at 11:25 pm

    Dude, Troy crapped in the tub for an entire year, I feel ya.

    And just wait until he’s in drop in daycare/preschool/playgrounds/public in general. It gets worse before it gets better.


    P.S. Baby xrays are like tiny knives to the soul.

    P.P.S. B, please raise MODG’s salary.

    • MODG January 27, 2012 at 7:59 am

      He will never leave my house
      or my side.
      thank you.

  • Stephanie January 26, 2012 at 11:50 pm

    MODG, I want to say thank you. I thought I was going through some really tough shit lately, and I have felt bad and awful and sick to my stomach. Then I read your blog, and I realized, my problems are stupid and childish compared to what you have been going through, between the lump and a sick child. I appreciate you sharing, and your honesty. It put my stuff in perspective, and I am so happy for you that everything with the lump is ok, and that G is doing better. He’s such a cutie. Thanks again. I really am glad that you share the way that you do. You made my week better, and got my head straight. You are triple sparkle unicorns and double Danny Tanner hearts club terrific.

  • Christine January 26, 2012 at 11:57 pm

    My little one had croup when he was four months old so I feel ya. It sounds like a unicorn being slaughtered.

  • Gretchen January 27, 2012 at 12:09 am

    You could totally relactate. Hell, you still have milk so if you pump you could probably have a cup for him every day in a few days. It is the closest thing to marshmallow kittens available.

    • MODG January 27, 2012 at 8:00 am

      I can’t. I had to wean because of necessary medication. My milk is now baby poison.

  • Nicole January 27, 2012 at 1:01 am

    Hang in there it will get better. I am on kid two and as it turns out the second one gets sick all the time and I only nurse (no formula) because the older one brings home all the snotty, friend saliva, über powerful preschool germs. But you do get better at dealing with it. My worst was the peunmonia X-ray when my son was two and I was hugely prego and THEY MADE ME WAIT OUTSIDE. But we survived and you will too!

  • Paula January 27, 2012 at 3:43 am

    i was going to comment about booby milk as i was reading through and coincidentally you mentioned it at the end. but yes, i think b-milk would be helpful right about now. i was wondering why you stopped anyway? that’s super unhippy of you. can you lead me to the post for the reason(s) you stopped if it does exist? (sorry, i don’t read all your posts since i’m also a house manager.) my son is 10 months and has been b-fed exclusively except for the water introduction last month. he has only been sick once and that was last week with a cough and runny nose but it only lasted for a week. i truly believe in the power of the b-milk.

    anyway, hope he gets better soon. hang in there!

    • MODG January 27, 2012 at 8:01 am

      I had to wean because of necessary medication. My milk is now baby poison. you can search for it by clicking the breastfeeding topic or in the search bar.

  • Steph January 27, 2012 at 6:37 am

    Been there, done that! Wait until he’s a little older and gets a stomach bugs and vomiting freaks him out so much, he doesn’t know how to throw up anywhere but all over you…good times.

    When my daughter was about G’s age she got double lung pneumonia, had a 104.1 fever, double ear infection, then a seizure (from the high fever) and ended up in the hospital for a week. she has asthma so we do breathing treatments alllllllll the time.

    Hope he’s feeling better!

  • Katie R-G January 27, 2012 at 6:54 am

    My now 15 month old had to be rushed to CHOP when she was 6 weeks old for a high fever and congestion. They had to do a spinal. A fucking spinal on my tiny perfect person! I froze and almost vom’d and then my 8 year old held my hand and we both held the tiny patients hand and then they stuck the fuckibg needle in her back. Yeah, worst. Then the xray came. Tge nutses asked me all night if I needed anything and all I could think of was valium. I was denied since I was bfing. Priorities people!!!! Anyway, she had a cold. But it was terrifying and every cold since then turns me into a panicked beast. And poop in the tub blows. My husband did that shit once when he had food poisoning from EGGS, smell, and he asked me to bring him the pepto while he was still in the tub!!!!! I need a raise too.

    I could start pumping again, don’t know how much I’d get, but I live in South Jersey, so just keep it in mind. And a hippy tip for G’s ears, pour warmed sea salt into a long sock and tie the sock, then lay it under G’s ear when napping. It makes the pain go away. Bible.

  • caroline January 27, 2012 at 7:23 am

    This is why day care sucks a bag of dicks. My poor boy was sick from 5 to 18 months. awful! Highly rec gummy vitamins. Also still heart breaking but easier when they can talk and tell u what’s up. Like “mom, I feel like shit. why do u sned me to school with a bunch of bio-terrorists?”

  • Julie January 27, 2012 at 7:51 am

    I was just about to leave the house with my almost 2 year old to go to a play gym. I feel like we should lock the doors and hide from the germ circus out there in the world instead! Hoping for a speedy recovery for you guys.

  • Laura January 27, 2012 at 8:27 am

    That first picture of your little man is HEARTBREAKING. Saddest eyes I’ve ever seen.

    I hope he feels better soon.


  • Emma Louise January 27, 2012 at 8:28 am

    I had croup when I was about three months old. I was in an incubator for a week and I actually went blue because I couldn’t breathe. But look – seventeen years on and I’m full of awesome. G is a tough little cookie, he’ll be totally fine I promise you. Big hugs.

    Also the poop… so much worse when you’re in the bath with the kid and THEN they poop. I’m still disgusted with my little sister.

  • my favorite and my best- MFAMB to you January 27, 2012 at 8:37 am

    no dairy or sugar. put warm steamy cloths on his ears. the ear infection is due to too much fluid backed up and that’s what hurts. the steam on his ears will help to loosen it and alleviate the pain and pressure.

    fiona pooped in the tub. i smashed the poop up until it was able go down the drain (gag) then i bleached the tub. and threw the toys away. too tired for anything else.
    also one time fiona threw up projectile bright orange. she never ate anything bright orange. just boob juice. i called the ambulance.
    it was nothing. just some bile.
    a first time mom is a learning curve. always trust your gut, listen to the voices in your head. never let anyone tell you otherwise.

  • Marjorie January 27, 2012 at 8:43 am

    Baby chest xrays are THE WORST! When Viv was about a year old she ran a fever just barely under 106! You read that correctly, 106 degrees. So, of course, we went to the ER where they strapped her into some weird tube with her arms straight up over her head so they could get an xray. She gave me the evil eye while she screamed bloody murder. It was terrible. But I got through it and you will too. Promise!

  • Jessica January 27, 2012 at 8:54 am

    Okay, have seventeen things to say and always say too much so trying to shorthand it by leaving out conjunctions therefore making less sense and still babbling: Husband getting tired of hearing me pee myself laughing when I read your blog until I read it to him then he can’t help it. Poop story is classic and STG has happened to all of us. I actually remember feeling *ultimate* horror when I heard about bathtime poops and thought to myself superiorly “MY baby would NEVER do that.” (No I have no idea what was wrong with me and yes, they all totally did it and it was awful). Next: SOSOSOSO sad for baby G but mostly for Mama because it’s way harder on you in some ways. We had the same first sickness with the first baby and it is killer to have a sick baby. Last: it probably wouldn’t be a big deal to relactate, but stop beating yourself up about it – boobie milk is a relationship between two people and it changes according to the needs of those two people, none of those relationships are the same as any others. Also – it’s all going to be okay. And I don’t know how to keep them safe but even typing that makes my pits sweat so let’s pretend I didn’t.

  • Courtney January 27, 2012 at 8:55 am

    That sounds terrible!

    The worst night of my life was spent in the hospital with my then 5 week old getting poked and prodded for the “possibility” of a bacterial infection! I know how terrible it is to see your baby in pain/scared/uncomfortable etc….

    But he made it through..he is now three…

  • Jennifer January 27, 2012 at 9:17 am

    Poor G!! He looks so sad in that picture. The good thing is your hugs and kisses go a long way in making him feel better. It’s amazing to think that I’m my child’s safe place and cuddles can help put him at ease. We haven’t had the croup here, but we JUST had the first poop in the bathtub incident. I was so tempted to take a picture and send it to everyone I know just to make myself feel better.

  • Morgan January 27, 2012 at 9:52 am

    I’m so sorry to hear about Baby G. I really do hope he gets better soon!! And yes, my heart broke when i saw that picture of him. Terrible.

    Maybe if G was still on the magical boobiejuice he wouldnt have gotten sick, maybe he would’ve, who knows. But if I may, I’d like to stop this train before it gets started. Babies get sick. Despite our best efforts and attempts to keep them in a bubble, it happens. Dont you dare do the “what if I hadn’t” mind game with yourself…. You made the decision to stop breastfeeding for a number of very important reasons!! The commenters (however well meaning) questioning your choice or your hippe status (you ate your own placenta for godsakes, I think you get hippie card for life) really *annoy* me. You are a wonderful mother, G loves you and he will be back to Drama Baby in no time.

  • Morgan January 27, 2012 at 10:03 am

    I had this whole post written out and it went away. Sad. But to paraphrase…

    I’m feeling for Baby G. My heart did break looking at that photo of him… but in the ‘oh he’s so cute, but so sad, but so cute” kinda way. I hope he feels better soon.

    And if I may, PLEASE don’t put yourself through this whole “what if I hadn’t stopped breastfeeding…” mindgame. Maybe G wouldn’t have gotten sick, maybe he would have, who knows. But, babies get sick, it happens. Those who question your decision or your hippie status (um, hello, she ate her damn placenta!!!) make me wanna poop in the bathtub. You made that personal (even if you did post it on the interwebs) decision for some incredibly good reasons. You are a wonderful mother and baby G loves you and he’ll be better soon.

    On the plus side, its Friday and B can be co-house manager with you ALL WEEKEND LONG!!

  • saraaaaajo January 27, 2012 at 10:42 am

    Warning!!! This is not going to be a warm fuzzy comment.. so turn away if anyone doesn’t want to have heart palpitations. BUT… here I go: MODG don’t ever feel like you are a drama mamma when it comes to your babys health. A co-workers 9 month old healthy daughter just passed away around Thanksgiving due to complications from the croup. Simple croup, baby had problems breathing, stopped breathing, lunch collapsed. 45min to get her breathing again and then in Children’s hospital for a few days before the sweet angel slipped away. So now I am super duper paranoid about any scary sickness!! Reminder this is a SUPER RARE complication that arose from the initial croup, her doctors said they have never seen this happen before. But it hit to close to home for me, so now I will be a drama mamma when my baby is sick, no doubt about that!!! I hope G feels super better super soon!

  • Heather January 27, 2012 at 11:10 am

    So, SO sorry that G has been so sick! My wee-one has never had croup, but when he was born his nasal passages were swollen from an extra-long without-water-cushion-because-water-burst-at-2cm birth, so he couldn’t breathe through his nose and had to stay in the pediatric wing for a few extra days before we brought him home. So, I know what it’s like to wake up every 30 minutes desperate to be sure your baby boy is still breathing. This means that: a) I have mad respect for your endurance the past few days, b) I agree that parenting is seriously hard s*%t, and c) you deserve a sparkly-Danny Tanner-Rainbow-Healthy Boobs-Healthy Boy rest of 2012!!!!!!

  • heatheradair January 27, 2012 at 11:14 am

    Oh – !
    I’ll agree with everyone — that little picture of teary G is too much — but in a “makeyouwannasmotherhimwithkisses” sort of way. Like a little puppy. A sick, seal-coughing little puppy.

    For YOUR sake, I hope you’re able to get some MUCH-NEEDED-ZZZZZ’s here, like ASAP. Xrays and ER’s and breathing treatments and floor-sleeping and tub-pooping is just about too much for any family to handle on top of BoobLumpScare…..

    If I had boob-juice, I’d fedex it to ya…..

  • Maggie January 27, 2012 at 11:51 am

    Hugs to poor G – been through several bouts of croup with my two, it is not fun. Poor little rockstar :(

    You’ll get through this MODG – somehow, someway. We all did it. Not to pee all over your cushy marshmellows, but wait till they are older and you are in the ER with possible broken bones…….and a 5 year old is crying from the pain so bad that he is not making a sound at all…………good times.

  • Luz January 27, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    Yeah, we’ve been there many times and it breaks our heart each and every time. The husband and I have come to the conclusion that we will not be having anymore kids mainly because we absolutely HATE seeing our daughter sick and don’t know how we could possibly handle having more than one child sick at the same time. Yes, I know it’s a part of life, but I would rather be sick the entire YEAR than have to see my poor baby get sick just once, and like G, struggle to breathe. Sucks big time.

  • RaeRae January 27, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    Hope G feels better & glad to hear that Mr. Lumpy was a bunch of nothing.

    You’re welcome to my boob juice since PunkinPuss snubs her bottles during the day & holds out for the real stuff at night.

  • Michelle @ funlikewedo January 27, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    Awww… poor G. My G had croup when he was 2. Saddest thing ever indeed. And those animal ads are horrible BUT- this commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfAxUpeVhCg is potentially worse. I have to change the channel when it comes on.

  • Ivy January 27, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    I hate winter (well whatever winter we get here in southern CA) because I know it will be time for germ infestation at preschool and daycare. My older boy was sick every 2-3 weeks his first real winter, and has fairly good immunity at this point. The baby is still prone to catch every cold/virus that comes around, and was just diagnosed with an ear infection last week. Prior to going to the doctor, he was having 102/103 fevers and had a horrible cough that had me paranoid he had pneumonia. He got a script for amox, but oh wait, he got a head to toe rash last time he took that, so we had to go back and ask for different meds.

    I HATE when my boys get sick…it brings out my super overprotective mama bear persona. You would think since this is my second go at this, I wouldn’t freak out over every little virus, but I still do. I can’t help it…I just want them to be happy and healthy.

  • Liz January 27, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    Two websites to check out: onlythebreast.com and human milk for human babies (they will have a facebook page for your state. My son had my milk for 8 months and then he has been drinking other womens boob milk for 8 months now! Mostly we’ve had to purchase it because we’ve needed dairy free and that’s hard to come by! But there is plenty of regular milk on tap out there! Those mommas are heroes!

    • Nikki January 29, 2012 at 12:43 am

      Ever since I stopped pumping at 8 mos., our little guy has been sick what seems to be non-stop. We were totally looking for something like this!!

      We have a freezer supply for a few more months, but I think the immunological part is only good for 2-3 mos, even though the milk is good for 6 mos. Coughs are uber scary since we’re on a slow-vax schedule and there is a whopping cough “outbreak” here in Northern CA (supposedly– could be media exaggerated). Every time the little one so much as inhales a piece of food down the wrong pipe, I think “whopping cough” and run to the holistic pediatrician, who charges us $200 and says, “Nope, he’s fine, just building immunity, too bad you’re not breastfeeding still.” To which I want to say, “Yeah, you try working 80 hour weeks dragging your pump to meetings and hiding in conference rooms 5 times a day and let me know how that goes.” But I can’t, because she’s our special hippy doctor who supports our wanna-be hippy ways.

      Thanks for the good info!

  • burk7556 January 27, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    you poor thing!! croup is the worst. and if it makes you feel any better, I have a 5 month old who has been sick more than he has been healthy and I ONLY nurse – his older toddler brother brings home everything under the sun…. BM is great but sadly it hasnt proven to be the magic potion I had hoped.

    hope your little guy starts sleeping better soon.

  • Crady January 27, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    My son had pneumonia at 4 months. And he has had chronic lung issues since then. I seriously think he has had 50 chest x-rays. The kind where they strap them into the plastic tube with their hands up in the air. Worst thing ever. I get it.

    • Jane February 3, 2012 at 12:38 am

      Just wondering if you have had the Ambry done to test for all known genetic mutations for Cystic Fibrosis? My daughter has CF and I can tell you from other moms experiences in my group (over 600 moms to CFers on Facebook) that some mutations are still unknown! Just thought I’d throw that out there and see if it is o any help!

  • Gini January 27, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    Poor sweetheart! I hope he’s magically better tomorrow! :(

  • Sarah van Loon January 27, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    Aw, mama!!! You poor thing (and poor little G!!)! My heart aches for you both. I hope you both get some rest and feel better asap.

  • Ivy January 27, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    Efff, the interwebz ate my comment. Anyway, I hate winter (yes, even the “winter” we get here in southern CA) cuz that means germ infestation at preschool and daycare. Boy #1 was sick every 2/3 weeks his first winter, and we were at the clinic so much that the nurses got to know us well. Baby boy #2 is still prone to catch every virus that comes around, and was just diagnosed with an ear infection last week. We got a script for amox, oh but wait, he got a head to toe rash last time from it so we had to go back and ask for different meds. Fun.

    It does get easier, and I don’t completely lose my ish at the first sign of a cold/cough anymore. But the sickies definitely brings out the super overprotective mama bear side of me.

    Hope G feels better soon!

  • melissa January 27, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    I can see the tears on his eyelashes. Heart. Is. Breaking.

  • Ashley Eiban January 27, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    Oh my goodness- I don’t think I would ever stop crying with a pitiful face like that! Poor thing! Hope everyone is feeling better!!

  • Theresa P January 27, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    Boooo! I hope he feels better soon! My boys have been sick off and on since December and my one year old came down with strep throat then thrush and then a horrible case of hives and had me worried sick to say the least. And it doesn’t help I’m in medical school and we just so happend to be learning about the complications of strep throat that very same week so I rushed him off to the doctor (again) thinking he caught rhuematic fever and was going to have resulting heart conditions. Medical school + small babies = the world’s most ultra-paranoid mother!!! The best thing I can say to help is WASH HANDS! It’s one of the number one things we can do to keep germs away. Wash his hands and yours all throughout the day. Hope you all feel better soon!

  • Skooks January 27, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    I would send you the boob juice if I was making any at the moment. I’m assuming you won’t need it in a few months when it actually comes in. Also, I read the post even though I don’t like ultimate sadness OR poop . . . sorry to hear about G. :( I would have been a wreck as well.

  • leslie January 27, 2012 at 6:28 pm

    poor baby. poor mama. you definitely need a raise for tub poop. :) SO glad your lump was nothing!

  • Vanessa January 27, 2012 at 8:34 pm

    I would like a cloud bunny bubble for my 9.5 month old, too. He’s never even had so much as a fever, just two head colds, and those made me miserable seeing my poor baby coughing and sniffling. But seriously, sign me up. You could make millions marketing them.

  • robin stewart January 27, 2012 at 9:10 pm

    Last Oct(2010) when I was 9 months pregnant, my 18 month old got croup. For a week he took steroids prescribed by his.doctor and spent all his time in steamy bathrooms and freezing dry Arizona air. We had to call 911 because he turned blue. They gave him three breathing treatments that night and sent him home. The next day he turned blue as I was driving through town. We raced to the hospital, where they discovered his o2 levels were below 30. They life flighted him to a bigger hospital in Tuscon. He and I spent another week there. The people there were so amazing. He was 90% recovered after 3 days but they kept him to make 100% sure he was better. Ive been there, and I’m so sorry to hear little g is so sick. If I can do anything to help, let me know. Stay strong!

  • Dara January 28, 2012 at 8:26 am

    I want to send a letter to St. Judes Hospital that slaps the head of advertising in the face when they open it. Because those commercials with little babies with cancer are by far the saddest thing on television. But shit like that also makes me super grateful that my son has been pretty healthy (and scared out of my mind but whatever focus on the positivr). My son is 6 months and ebf and hes had 2 cold/virus things and one bout of almost-diarrhea. Hes in daycare and its winter so we’re prepared for many long congested snotty coughy nights (and hopefully nothing more…). I hope G feels all better soon!

  • Fiona January 28, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    OMG! I had the exact same experience re: bath! First one I had ever done alone and the kid poos everywhere! I left it for my husband to deal with when he got home. And the immediate scoop and flush never came to mind… I swear I’m smart in real life.

  • Elisa January 29, 2012 at 2:09 am

    Myself and my sister were both extended breast fed. Despite this my sister had terrible issues with pneumonia requiring hospitalization. Breast milk isn’t everything. Sometimes illnesses happen. I hope G is doing better now. The pooping in the tub…you aren’t a mom unless you’ve had to fish it out at least once. Spring is coming, and with it hopefully a brighter future for you and G. Sending good vibes your way!

  • Emily January 29, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    You are one of my favorite bloggers ever because of the first two pictures. The first picture, your child is again proven one of the cutest children in existence, and the second picture, you keep it real. Thank you!

  • Devon @ Green House, Good Life January 29, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    Yay bunnies!

    So sorry your little dude is sick.

    But yay bunnies!

  • k January 30, 2012 at 2:31 am

    Oh, I’m so sorry! I hope G is feeling wonderful now. I saw these cookies and thought they might give you a smile, and you surely deserve one: http://laughingsquid.com/sparkly-rainbow-unicorn-poop-cookies/

  • Kimberly January 30, 2012 at 7:09 am

    YOU are the shit! No pun intended! I am so happy I found you via a gf that posted one of your blogs. As the mom of an almost 1-yr-old who hasn’t been sick yet, I’m reminded of the fear and agony that lies ahead. Thanks for your honesty and always, your humor! PS glad your little guy will be fine.

  • Christine F. January 30, 2012 at 11:35 am

    I wouldn’t beat yourself up over thinking G got so sick because he’s no longer getting breast milk. Welcome to the toddler years. Croup and all kind of other nasty virus start rearing their ugly heads around this time, breast milk or no breast milk. It sucks, and although you learn to deal with it a little better each time, it doesn’t make it any less terrifying. My oldest daughter (who I nursed for a year and a half) got croup with each and every cold she got from the time she was 13 mos old until she was 4 yrs old. Some kids are just very susceptible to it due to the structure of their windpipe and any virus can bring it on, there is no specific “croup” virus. My younger daughter (who I nursed for 2 years) only got croup once in the toddler years that I can recall, but her asthma is way worse than her older sisters was. Sigh! Damn kids.

  • Sara January 30, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    You poor thing. And poor G too! We went thru this during the whole month of December. My littlest man had RSV and I thought I might jump off a bridge after 2 weeks of dealing with it. The chest x-ray IS awful and so are the breathing treatments. There’s just nothing scarier than hearing your babe struggle to breathe! I told my hubs that it was definitely #1 on my list of the scariest things I’ve gone thru as a mom. Hope G is much, much, much better now.

    And I also hope that maybe…just maybe he’ll give daddy a little bath time poop to deal with. It’s always funny when the other parent has to deal with it. I like to call it Daddy Duty. No pun intended.

  • Annie January 30, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    I completely agree with the above–no guilt at all about the breastmilk thing. I nursed my first child for almost 2 years, my second for 3 years and my third for four years. I am the world biggest breastfeeding advocate. But they were sick just as much as other kids. Now, some will say, “Well, you never know how much they would have been sick without it!” True. When my oldest was 18 months or so I asked a pediatrician friend if she thought there might be something wrong with his immune system or something, he just had so many colds and coughs and everything, but she told me that that is the age when their immunity is lowest. The immunity from you is worn off and their own is still developing. So, no guilt…it just is what it is. Good luck, and I hope he’s all better now!!

  • Melanie January 30, 2012 at 6:40 pm

    Poor G! My husband told me about having croup when he was younger (he was old enough to remember it) and I’ve been terrified of it ever since.

    If it makes you feel a little better, my 7.5 month old has pooped in the bathtub every night for the last 2 weeks. I use her water cup thing as a poop strainer and I’m no longer even surprised by it.

    You better get a raise, or at least hazard pay.

  • jen January 30, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    I am not sure if you give G cows milk or other dairy, but dairy definitely makes more mucous naturally which does not help kids deal with germs and colds. My son has been dairy free since 18 mos and bf his whole 2.5 years, and he has not had much more than a runy nose since we both cut out the dairy. It was a hippie friend recommendation for constipation issues and the more I researched the more compelling evidence I found that dairy is bad and not meant for humans.

    • ashley January 31, 2012 at 12:47 pm

      Totally agree!! AVOID all cows milk products. Give a probiotic too.

  • Patty January 31, 2012 at 11:59 am

    Hi Amanda!
    I’ve been wanting to leave a comment since Friday, but I’ve been super extra busy and sick as a dog, … I’m so sorry that poor G got sick so bad, I totally know what you went thru, my baby started going to daycare at 3 months old and he has done nothing but get sick, he got RSV at 4 months old… can you imagine a tiny little 4 month old guy coughing his little longs off?? my heart broke every time I seen him struggling so bad.. it’s heart breaking seeing your babies struggling and not feeling good. Well, enough blah blah… I dunno if someone already recommended this, but I started giving my baby vitamin D drops and Sambucol for kids, and so far he is being GREAT! I’ve been sicker than a dog! and I always feed him, bath him, etc and he hasn’t gotten sick so far… here is the links so you can order it! I know you will be all about it cause is natural stuff perfect for your hippie soul!
    here’s the links

    Carlson Vitamin D drops

    I hope you give it a shot and works for little G!
    Best Regards

  • Ashley January 31, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    this sucks. I was in the hospital with my husband all week and I kept thinking- at least its not the baby. On that note, YOU NEED to get some bm. We have been around some SUPER sick people and I SWEAR its what is keeping my girl healthy, as well as GOING to the Chiropractor. The chiro can adjust them and even will help with ear infections. IF their neck and spine are right, then their ears can drain well. Find one who specializes in babies. Your hippie friends can point you to a good one. Hippies are all about baby chiros! Also silver sol is a natural remedy for ear infections.
    I hope he gets better soon.

  • Ashley January 31, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    ummm, I just left comments about avoiding cows milk dairy and getting him to a baby chiropractor, ESP for ear infections! . BUT, the comments are gone and not sure If I just dont see them so I dont want to be redundant and write it all again. Hope you got them. Also silver sol as natural remedy for ear infections if you try to avoid antibiotics.

  • Mama Laughlin January 31, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    Just now catching up.
    Sorry G was so sick, but I’m glad he’s doing better .

    And as far as turd fishing goes… yeah, I’ve done it a total of 3 times now- THREE TIMES.
    That is crazynuts. And it’s the most unawesome thing ever.
    The last time mine shit in the tub he literally looked at the shit, screamed bloody murder and scaled the bathtub wall to get out.
    He was so confused at what was floating toward him that he didn’t realize it just came out of his own b hole.
    Weirdo kids.

    Also- saying goodbye to the 2nd nap sucks assface.
    I am NOT looking forward to saying goodbye to the 1st when when they are awake for the WHOLE DAY!!! WTF!?!?!

  • Patty January 31, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    Hi MODG, I’m so sorry that poor G was so sick :( I know what you went thru. My son is 4 months old and last week he had RSV followed by bronquiolitis (thank you expensive daycare AKA PETRI DISH), It was heartbreaking seeing my little tiny 4month old baby coughing his baby lungs off and not being able to sleep. My friend recommended Carlson’s Vitamin D drops and SAMBUCOL for kids. I put half of a teaspoon of sambucol in his bottle every morning and before he goes to bed, and give him a daily drop of vitamin D and he is being super healthy! You should give it a try! It’s all natural and so far it worked wonders for him, I’ve been sick as a dog since Thursday and He is very healthy.

  • Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic January 31, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    Is it wrong that I’m actually impressed with the poo picture? Like.. he poos like a small man! Sorry you had to deal with it but it makes for a GREAT story. I sort of wish it was Confession Friday because that would have won… at least in my book. I am actually more upset by the sad Baby G in the hospital picture – he looks so miserable and I’ll take that band-aid now, I need it. Bless his heart and yours! ox

  • Nota February 4, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    There are already 94 comments on this. So basically – yeah – what they said.
    Oh, and invest in one of those little nets that they use to clean fish tanks. Cheap peace of mind on the poop tub thing ever happening again – because as soon as you buy it, you know he’ll never poop in the tub again and in 6 years, you’ll find that net in the back of the bathroom cabinet and be like – some stupid shit on the blog comments told me to buy this and I’ve never used it. The internet lies.

    You’re welcome.

  • Summer February 29, 2012 at 8:36 pm

    Aww that’s awful!!! Poor baby!! My little guy just got out the hospital with Pnuemonia. We had to do that damned chest xray for babies EVERY DAY! And his IV kept coming out, so they had to restick him every day! And, he had the same dinosaur breathing treatment, every six hours, and hated that thing! I understand being exhausted from all that. We were in the ICU for four days, and by the time we got out and got home i was SOOO exhausted i swear i could have slept for days and still been tired! But, with all the steroids for the lil one, He was WIRED. No rest for mama’s!!