On the 8th day of Christmas my MODG friend gave to me, a bunch of weird pictures off the internetsy

It’s Hanukkah jewy jews! But guess what? Hanukkah is stupid. I heard that first hand from a solid jew. We just make a big deal about it because it’s near Christmas and we feel bad. When really, Hanukkah is like as stupid as Columbus Day. Minus the genocide and rape that we celebrate on Columbus Day. ANYWAY

**Update** Apparently some of my more sensitive readers were offended by this. THEY FREAKING LOVE HANUKKAH. So to that I say: HAPPY HANUKKAH. There are some people who love the shit out of this holiday. And to them I say Mazel. I also say, if you are the type of person who gets offended at stuff, you  may not like it around here**

With all this Hanukkah talk, I forgot the real reason of this post.

A CHRISTMAS EXPLOSION IN YOUR FACE. I know, lately we’ve had a lot of explosions in your face (that’s what he said) and for that I’m sorry. But I wanted to share with you some holiday imagery that makes me feel warm and lit on fire inside.

My cats are also Jewish (they have menorah stockings) so I get this cat. I would just really like to find this gettup. Charlie is dying for it.

 

I wasn’t going to do it. But I did it. I mean why not force your kid to sit on the dirtiest old man’s lap ever. Then take a picture of it. Then pay 20 bucks for the cheapest “package”. xoxo Christmas.

 

If this doesn’t scream merry christmas, nothing does.

Sorry, just 2 more cats.

I feel the same way toilet owner. Poinsettias are not only crap, but they poison cats. FLUSH THEM ALL..in the woods??

Why weren’t these guys at the mall instead? I would have bought the 50 dollar package.

Oh, woops how did that get in there?

that’s called magic.

I’ll wait why you wipe away your christmas magic tears.

 

If you don’t have this toy, go get it. Not for your kid, for yourself. It was on our wish list and a lucky boy got it for his birthday. It’s SO FUNNNNNNNN.

 

And that’s all friends. In the comments, please share with me something that will further increase my holiday cheer. MAKE IT EXTRA HOLIDAYCHEERISH.

And to conclude, I give you my favorite Christmas song that I’ve been singing out loud to who ever will listen since 1999. I  made B do a dramatic reading of them the other night. I recommend it.

 

hearts to you all

MODG

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POSTED IN: Awesome things,Drunk Stuff,I love cats and if you don't you can bite me.,Stuff on a toilet

{ 43 comments }

Andrea December 20, 2011 at 10:46 am

That picture of Britney is your BEST photoshop yet!!!! GOOD JOB!!! I almost thought it was real, also its a bunch of crap when you pay $20 bones and SANTA isn’t even looking…that’s his job, to look. bad santa. Merry Christmas Modg family!

Jessica T December 20, 2011 at 10:47 am

Must get that toy for my future child.
And did you meet Brit brit? When did I miss that? For reals?

Krista December 20, 2011 at 10:53 am

G looks like he LOVES that toy! As for poinsettias, you might not find them aesthetically pleasing and that’s one issue, but in my experience cats won’t eat them. The cats know they’re poisonous. We’ve always had them in our house with cats and no issues. Just an FYI for anyone who has reservations about getting them with cats around.

Lynet Witty December 20, 2011 at 10:54 am

poinsettas are poisonous to cats?

melissa December 20, 2011 at 12:08 pm

they’re poisonous to any living thing that puts too much of them into their mouths

AmyFaith December 20, 2011 at 10:55 am

LOVE IT!

Skye @ Neathering Our Fest December 20, 2011 at 10:56 am

HOW DID YOU GET A SANTA PICTURE WITH BRITNEY?? I’m jealous. For realsie.

Kaite December 20, 2011 at 11:03 am

Awesome execution of photoshop magic.

Becca December 20, 2011 at 11:06 am

At the risk of being mocked… Who are those four very pretty and extremely narrow ladies? And a big “yay” because it seems tans are no longer in. I’m kind of pale.

g-dog December 20, 2011 at 11:20 am

Those ladies are some of the Real Housewives of Orange County or Beverly Hills or both. Perfect show for major drama.

g-dog December 20, 2011 at 11:16 am

That tree makes me so happy. I need a mega large gorgeous magical Christmas tree like that. I decorated my so-large-it-looks-like-a-tree rubber plant this year. And that is not a plant with condoms on it; it’s the only plant that can withstand my sub-par watering skills.

Kris December 20, 2011 at 11:25 am

I LOVE your tree!

Rach December 20, 2011 at 11:27 am

Oh em gee. Those two pics of G marveling at the tree… you almost melted my cold, childless, drunk heart. Almost. No, seriously: he just gets more and more darling in every pic. You totally won the baby lottery!

Something to add to your holiday cheer… I am reeeeeeeally looking forward to my immediate fam’s tradition: ever since my sister and I were “old enough to know” (no Santa spoilers here, but you get it)… mom & dad & sister & I have gone to midnight Mass… and then we come home and pop champagne and have appetizers and open our presents right then. Poinsettia cocktails (champagne, cranberry juice and triple sec) and presents RIGHT DAMN NOW! And then we sleep in.

Sadly, the sister can’t make it home from FL this year, but we’re keeping the tradition alive anyway! (Much like “The Dream Is Still Alive” from the 1990 self-titled debut album from Wilson Phillips…)

Janina December 20, 2011 at 11:28 am

Is it totally wrong that “Hey Santa” is my husbands favorite Christmas song too! Ummmm…

melissa December 20, 2011 at 12:06 pm

I love the pics of G mesmerized by the tree. You really caught a moment, baby slobbers, missing shoes at all. Love it.

melissa December 20, 2011 at 12:09 pm

hmm… I guess G isn’t missing a shoe. he just has one normal sock and one craaaazy sock, sort of like me when I wake up in the morning.

LizzieBeth December 20, 2011 at 12:46 pm

Ahhh, I see you took your child to the Santa in the KOP mall… as did I.

What is up with Santa having a third eye hidden in his hat? At least his Chakra is good.

LB

Mindy Clarke December 20, 2011 at 1:52 pm

So sometimes I wish that you had little “like” buttons under your comments..
The Britney pic is indeed your best photoshop yet! Good Job Lady – you’ll be foolin’ the world in no time! I may never forgive you for getting Hey Santa stuck in my head.

A.Brew December 20, 2011 at 3:15 pm

I second your “like” button wish.

katyandzucchini December 20, 2011 at 2:29 pm

my sister recommended the plasma car…didn’t buy it until YOU recommended it. I hope you made some $$ from me clicking the link and buying it. :) I even paid the extra 3.99 so it will be here TOMORROW. Amazon will be the death of me.

Niks December 20, 2011 at 2:44 pm

Fairly new reader, first comment on a blog. ever. I’ve spent probably the last month catching up on your blog. It’s fantastic. All of it. Your tree is gorgeous! That song is one of the best I’ve heard for Christmas in a long time. And the Brit pic, awesome with the photoshop, the outfit gave it away though.

A.Brew December 20, 2011 at 3:12 pm

What I want to know is how the hell you have cats and a cutely decorated tree all under the same roof? I wake up every morning to the tree turned 90 degrees (yeah, it’s fake. so what?), ornaments on the floor, and our cat wiped out from having so much fun while I was snoozing.

A. Carter December 21, 2011 at 12:09 am

No joke!! We moved a few months ago and I found mini ornaments all over the house when we moved all the furniture out!! Seriously like at least 10. Ridiculous. The tree is NOT a giant cat toy store!

Bethany December 20, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Here’s a dose of extra holiday cheerishness (I hope): My husband and I got married when we were 22, and I got pregnant on the honeymoon (I still occasionally think about suing Trojan and VCF to this day). On our son’s first Christmas, we had no money. Like, less than no money. So little money that we could not afford a tree (his great-grandparents bought us one) or any presents FOR OUR SON’S FIRST CHRISTMAS. Royally sucked. Anyways, my husband found out last Christmas that he was losing his job, but was lucky enough to get one in another state. So last Christmas we moved 600 miles away and got a tree but had no ornaments for it, since all our stuff was still in storage from the move. We also got some presents, but were in debt up to our asses from the unexpected moving expenses. Also also, I was preggo with our second at the time. But this new job has been amazing: we are almost out of debt, and for our daughter’s first Christmas we were able to buy plenty of gifts. So many, in fact, they don’t all fit under our 7 foot tall, beautifully decorated tree. And our son will make out like a bandit this year, and for the first year my husband and I actually managed to get really nice gifts for each other as well. AND we are donating lots of toys to charity, so other parents don’t have to go through what we did our first Christmas. Sparkly miracles all around this year!

Merry Christmas to you and your family! Those pics of G with the tree are indeed magic!

apankratz December 20, 2011 at 4:07 pm

The generosity of strangers has made sure that my little guys will have their “special” pillows under the tree – they’ve been using couch cushions stuffed in pillow cases since they left their cribs. Their kindness has also made sure that I could pay my car payment, instead of spending the car payment money on other stuff.

WANA has renewed my faith in some parts of humanity…

Welcome Yule, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Kwanzaa, and Festivus to the rest of us… I think that covers everyone, right?

Lindsay December 20, 2011 at 4:08 pm

OMG I LOVE YOU!!! I have been racking my brain and googling “Christmas songs…sisters” trying to remember what that effing song was! You seriously just made my entire Christmas!

Erica December 20, 2011 at 4:33 pm

I am so glad you get a kick out of cats that are dressed up. We have pets and sometimes I just can’t help myself. Check out our xmas card photo from a few years back: http://www.ericacarlson.com/images/animalsxmas.jpg

jessica December 20, 2011 at 4:37 pm

my husband and i already got one of our christmas presents this year…. a positive pregnancy test on saturday!!! : ) merry christmas!

I'llSleepWhenThey'reGrown December 20, 2011 at 10:49 pm

Super cute! Congrats! I’m hoping next month will (finally) by my month.

Jenni December 20, 2011 at 5:23 pm

We have that toy for our 2 daughters! They LOVE it. They both sit on it and ride around all day. best $20 ever spent!

Jilly-J's Mom December 20, 2011 at 6:49 pm

Hope this qualifies as holidaycheerish…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhwbxEfy7fg

Amy December 20, 2011 at 7:54 pm

O-M-G if you weren’t already my favorite you DEFINITELY are now! I love ‘Hey Santa’ ridiculous, crazy amounts….I made my coworkers endure a little happy dance I like to do when it comes on. They judged me, I kept dancing.

Amy December 20, 2011 at 8:30 pm

I really like your blog and have been a reader for the past couple years, I’ve never commented before, but I just wanted to let you know that Hanukkah is not stupid. It might not be the most significant Jewish holiday, but it’s still important and a wonderful celebration that is important to me and my culture. I really wish you would have just said Happy Hanukkah to my Jewish readers- and left it at that, instead of mocking the holiday.

Sari December 21, 2011 at 12:11 am

MODG, I too am a big fan of your blog. I tell all my cool mommy friends to check you/your blog out. For the first time ever when reading your blog I found myself really offended and turned off by what had to say about Hanukkah. FYI, in a nutshell the story of Hanukkah is about a group of people, Jews, who were being persecuted and were fighting for their rights to be able to openly believe in what they believed in. That doesn’t sound stupid to me.

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Veralynn December 21, 2011 at 12:33 am

Agreed. MODG, you can think Hanukkah is as stupid as hemorrhoids and chomped nipples but why post about it? If you don’t like Hanukkah you don’t have to celebrate it. It’s a time of Jewish sparkles and glitter for my family and as a part of an interfaith family (and now my own marriage) I would never call another religion’s holiday stupid. Minus some WANA points for MODG.

Rachel December 21, 2011 at 7:15 am

Ditto that. The whole first paragraph is one big mess of offensiveness. “jewy jews”? “Hanukkah is stupid”?

MODG December 21, 2011 at 10:19 am

dudes RELAX on the Hanukkah thing. I am repeating the words of my best jew friend ever.
I in fact love a good holiday with a bunch of candles.

If you are the type of person who gets offended. This is not the place for you.

Amy B December 20, 2011 at 9:55 pm

At some point, when trying to catch up on past Modg posts, I came across one that mentions meringues (what the hell spelling is that, I want it to be mirange) as large lucky charms marshmallows (p.s. you should try Marshmallow Oaties from Whole Foods – same great awesome and less bad additives). I was suddenly inspired to make meringues for the first time. I bought “Deb El” Just Whites and made the recipe on the cover, sans Cream of Tartar cause I didn’t have any. But I did have mini chocolate chips and a stray candy cane from last year. I smashed it and added both to my mira#ng@$es and it was awesome. Chocolate chip peppermint large cereal marshmallows. How’s that for HOLIDAY CHEER. DO IT.

mommylisa December 21, 2011 at 4:55 am

I feel like I know that young Santa on the right….it looks like my friend Matt.

Sarah RDH December 21, 2011 at 9:03 am

Mall santas are so fucking expensive. I am OVER it. Instead, I took my kids to church for breakfast with santa this year, and thye both clung to me and cried and didn’t even sit on his lap. Or look at him. Or go within 5 feet. I have enough crying santa pictures. So we did not get one this year, though I’m glad I went to the donations only Santa to give it a try instead. Merry Christmas! I’m sure it will be awesome! I can’t wait to see what Santa brings for G!

p.s. I was really considering celebrating hannukah (or channukah- what the fuck is the difference?!?!) just to get more presents. Eh well.

SA December 21, 2011 at 11:52 am

Not to add “fuel to the fire” on the whole Hannukah is stupid debate…and I certainly wasn’t offended by your comments, I just think that perhaps the meaning and origins of Hannukah are misunderstood by a lot of people. MOST Americans think that Hannukah is the blue and silver equivalent of secular Christmas–presents, special foods, games, that’s about it. There are some Jews who maybe went to Hebrew school or maybe attended synagogue and heard that Jews refer to Hannukah as one of the “minor” holidays–therefore they infer that the holiday is overcommercialized or overemphasized in modern Jewish culture. Hannukah is considered a “minor” holiday only because there are no restrictions on working, using electricity, etc., that there are on most of the other Jewish holidays (Passover, Yom Kippur, Rosh Hashannah, Tisha B’Av, Simchat Torah, Shavuot), but the meaning behind Hannukah (essentially that of re-dedication and bringing light to darkness) is of course, very important and I think one that can be universally recognized by most people as a positive message.

Hannukah has become a central holiday in contemporary Judaism because of the commercialism, of course…but that’s what’s made Christmas so popular too. There are just tons more Christians out there celebrating Christmas than there are Jews celebrating Hannukah. If you want to get technical, the “major” Christian holiday is Easter…from a religious perspective, at least. But from an American or cultural perspective, Chrismukwanzaakuh is really the way to go. Though I have yet to meet one person who actually celebrates Kwanzaa anywhere outside of the publically mandated spaces.

Maybe MODG shouldn’t use the word “stupid”, even if her best jewish friend did…it’s sort of like self-deprecating humor is ok, but if you’re not one of the club (or tribe, in this case) you should toe the line…but I think that the thoughts behind her comments were in line with what some people feel about the holiday.

There was a very good article about Channukah and its place in American culture in Time Magazine if anyone’s interested…here’s the link: http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2011/12/20/time-why-hanukkah-is-the-most-celebrated-jewish-holiday-in-america/

Tesla December 21, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Tweet that to Britney RIGHT NOW. Totally awesome.

Hillary March 7, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Huxley sat on the same Santa’s lap & LOST it…I mean..absolute MELT DOWN.
SO nice meeting you today! LOVE your blahg.

xo,
Hb

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