While we were all busy saving the world and being good people and shit, my life turned upside down. Now many of you were like OH YOU GOT A TV SHOW. Or OH YOU ARE GOING TO BE ON THE NEWS. or OH YOU FOUND A LOT OF GOLD THINGS AND REALLY ARE RICH.
See, despite my fancy internety ways, I’m really just a regular mom. I clean stuff. I cook things. I feed the baby. And I watch dvr. That’s my life. So when I say that my life is turned upside down, it’s more like, oops the dvr fell off of the shelf and less, taadaa you’re super famous now.
So cue G’s actual first birthday (December 8th). After the party we really did nothing to make note of the day itself. Apparently that was not ok with G and he showed his gratitude by biting my nipples. WITH TOP AND BOTTOM TEETH. At every, single, feeding. It was literally like he forgot how to nurse. Now I’ll be honest, this happened once before. But he was raging mad angry and didn’t realize what he was doing. He drew blood. We don’t talk about that.
But the fear lives inside my boobs. And the fear is real. Once you’ve been bit, you don’t forget.
So my now 1 year old boy would slowly approach the nipple and like in slow motion show his fangs and start to clamp down.
NO DO NOT BITE MOMMY. THAT HURTS. (and then we do the sign for hurts…like he has any idea…)
So we’d try again. ANOTHER BITE. NO I SAID NO BITING GAVIN. And then he loses it and screams and cries. Like how dare I not let him bite my nipples. And so he went to bed without nursing. And then I cried about it.
Next morning, Good morning G! I bet you’re thirsty, time to nurse. ****CHOMP*** Really? REALLY? We’re still doing this? More crying. No nursing.
Now I’m really freaking out. And here is why…Yes I wanted to wean at 1 year so I could take my medication and just be a better mom. However nursing is a very special bond between me and G. I’ve done it at least 3 times a day for 365 days and early on it was like 10 times a day. I don’t even always pee 3 times a day every day. And it makes him happy and I know it’s good for him. And now I was faced with a choice.
I could push this. I could research ways to get him to stop biting. I could consider it a nursing strike and wait it out and try again. I could pump to keep my supply up so when he is ready, I’ll be there. I could deal with the biting and hope that he stops.
Or, I could wean.
For 24 full hours, I cried. Because I thought that I wanted to wean, but I felt like a terrible mother for not pushing through a big nursing problem. But here was the kicker: He could have given 2 shits. He wasn’t asking for boobs. He was sleeping well. And he was happy as a dairy free clam. It was ME that was a mess.
And I realized, this situation is so much better than if it were reversed. I wouldn’t want him to be like an addict coming off of a binge, begging for more. I’d so much rather him not care and move on. This was an opportunity and I needed to take it.
B did not understand.
Me: B do you think I’m doing the right thing?
B: Um, I guess.
Me: NO YOU NEED TO SAY YES YOU ARE DEFINITELY DOING THE RIGHT THING.
B: I do?
Me: YES! I AM TORMENTED INSIDE AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO
B: Well I sort of thought the weaning process would just take a little longer
Me: SO YOU’RE SAYING I’M A SELFISH AWFUL MOTHER?
Me: SOBSOBSOBSOB YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND.
And he really didn’t understand. But this is probably the first decision that I have made so far as a mother that benefited me directly and G indirectly. So G won’t be necessarily benefiting from abrupt weaning, but he will benefit from having a better, more sane mother with a happy vagina.
I want to say that this decision was not taken lightly. Long time readers know that I have been through thrush, elimination diets, then resulting in no dairy, soy or wheat for 6 full months. I later found out that I was dehydrated. And we made it through. And we still breastfed. It was the most important thing in the world to me, but now I have to put my health first.
So 1 week has gone by and we are no longer breastfeeders. G hasn’t even given my boobs a second glance. It’s like flat chested 7th grade Amanda again with all the boys staring at the other boobs. But I’m cool with it and so is G.
I’m slowly pumping less and less to adjust to not feeding a baby anymore. I’m pumping once every 2 days now. And you know what? I’m happy. Because I can leave G with B and go to the mall. And stay there. And then I can go to my friend Box’s house and stay there. And I don’t have to stare at my watch waiting for it to be 2 and nurse G to sleep. For the first time, OTHER PEOPLE CAN DO STUFF. It’s liberating.
I would not change a single second of how I nursed G. Well, maybe I’d be sure that kid took a bottle at some point in his life. But besides that, I’m super happy and proud to have nursed him for 365 days exactly. It was a really tough road but totally worth it. And at his high school graduation, I’ll be sure that all of his friends know that he is so awesome because he breastfed. G will love it.
My baby is growing up. And now I can relax a bit. Except not about eating. BECAUSE I BETTER NOT GET FAT NOW.
And as we changed the world with WANA, my own little mom world changed and I now have a little independent man running around who don’t need no stupid boob.
IT’S TIME TO BRA SHOP.
this boob update was brought to you by the fine folks at Shakeology. I have a giant bag of the chocolate shake on STANDBY for when the breastfeeding skinnies go away (like now). Also Pete (my dad) will be doing a Shakeology review for us. I can already tell you though, it’s awesome. They gave me this whole calendar with recipes for every day of the month to make different things with the shake. Um, can we say chocolate banana peanut butter? I HEART IT. I will be so skinny you won’t see me. CROSSIES.