STUFF B LIKES: Or as I call it, B likes nothing.

Post image for STUFF B LIKES: Or as I call it, B likes nothing.

 

Every gift giving holiday, I have this conversation with B:

Me: So what do you want for your birthmasfathersflagiday?

B: I don’t want anything.

Me: By saying you don’t want anything, you make my life infinitely harder.

B: Why? Just don’t get me anything.

Me: You KNOW that’s not going to happen. Now I have to tell all the people who are asking to get you bandannas and underwear. Is that what you want?

B: YES.

Me: No. and I hate you.

And from my experience with the penis population, this is common. Buying gifts for men is the stupidest activity on the whole earth. Stupider than water polo. I don’t even know what water polo is. I imagine it’s stupid. When you shop for a girl you can buy pretty clothes, or jewelry or makeup or spa stuff or RHOANYTHING books and paraphernalia and it’s easy and fun. Shopping for boys results in either 1) something with a charger/plug or 2) something with a motor. SNORING.

So I want you to know that I sacrificed THREE hours of my time sitting with B at the kitchen table pulling out any sort of gift information out of him to help the general public who has to give a gift to the penis population**

**Special Note: B is a regular guy. He likes booz, sports and naps. So if that’s your man, you’re all set. If you’re picturing your member of the penis population right now and he’s wearing any pair of jeans over 80 dollars as well as any sort of arm decoration, move along friend. This is not the place for you.

B as well as many other men that I know like to cook on fire. It’s part of the caveman mentality. That’s why someone invented the grill. Someone *genius* was like, how can we get men to spend hundreds of dollars on a box of fire to cook their meat? And then they were like, I KNOW I’LL JUST DO IT. And they did it and now every man in America has a grill. But I digress. B will cook anything on a grill and really wants to cook a pizza on it. Enter The Pizza Stone….It makes it easy to cook a pizza on a fire. Whatever.

Pizza Stone

I should warn you. In my kitchen discussion with B of gifts, I told him to shoot for the stars and tell me his ultimate wish list. So some of this shit is pricey. For example: A giant machine that just blows. No not that. THAT would be on every penis population’s list. I give you, the snow blower. B almost dies every year shoveling snow. This he wants from his rich mistress (aka not me)

Poulan Pro PR621 Gas Powered Snow Thrower

B is regular strength handy. Like he’s not building me that finished basement that I NEED TO HAVE B, LIKE NOW. But he is super gluing stuff and hammering things. He drill’s some things too. He told me that it’s awesome to have a wireless drill. He also said that 18volt is important. See? It’s that sort of stuff that the vagina population would never know.

Black & Decker CDC180ASB 18-volt Compact Drill

omg. I’ve been hearing about the damn noise cancellation headphones for the better part of 6 years. I’m like, WAIT. You want headphones that make sounds stop? Like the opposite of regular headphones? So you want to buy nothing? You want to buy non sound? For HOW MUCH? Needless to say he does not have the noise cancelling headphones. I mean WHAT noise could he possibly want to cancel anyway?

Bose® Noise Cancelling® Headphones NEWEST MODEL

ESPN is the equivalent to the Bravo Clubhouse with Andy Cohen. It’s where the cool people hang out and you want to know the secret stuff that goes on behind the scenes. This is a good book to buy your person if they like any sport whatsoever.

Those Guys Have All the Fun: Inside the World of ESPN

B likes this magazine. B is in sales and has a job. He likes to know about other people who have jobs. That’s all I have to say about that.

Fortune (1-year auto-renewal)

B has used a hand me down lawnmower for 5 years. He desperately wants a new one. He says this is where it’s at because it’s 22 inches and gas powered and self propelled. Again: THINGS I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT. But if you’re buying your male a lawn mower, you should send me envelopes of cash. Because you can.

Husqvarna 22-Inch Gas Powered Lawn Mower

It’s a Time Machine!!!! No. Just more boring stuff. So apparently smokers are devices that make everything taste like ham. WHY? WHY WOULD YOU WANT THAT? B’s order of likes go like this: baby G, bandannas, me, ham. He says that every man in the whole world wants this. It’s fairly inexpensive too. I just can’t take ham tastes every day.

Weber Smokey Mountain Cooker

Let’s call it what it is: Manscaper pubecutter. Once every 2 weeks or so I come into the bathroom, which has turned into a black forest of hair. There’s wires everywhere and  parts and things and it’s frightening. B has this whole set up to trim his entire body of hair. And it’s a lot. This guy is wireless, simple and to the point.

Philips Norelco Bodygroom

I was like, B, how about some NICE underwear? Like something you normally wouldn’t get yourself? Nope. He wants the plastic pack of underwear. He says it’s soft on his waist and soft parts. Great.

Note: I could have shown you the pack of underwear, but I chose not to.

Hanes 4-Pack Comfort Soft Waistband Boxer Brief

B is a big fan of Hugo Boss (after I dragged him out of a K & G kicking and screaming). Apparently the prices on Amazon for a suit are WAY better than anywhere else.

Hugo Boss Mens Suit

Personally, the bite valve creeps me out. I just feel like food bits and germs and disease live in it. But B loves it. And little G destroyed his last one.

CamelBak BPA-Free Better Bottle with Bite Valve

I’m not even.

12 Color Pack Double Sided Print Paisley Bandana Scarf, Head Wrap

Who remembers my argument with the bedding company who sent me a body pillowcase by accident? Anyone? Remember what I said? THEY ARE STUPID. Guess who is dying for one?

Body Pillow Pillowcase 100% Cotton, 300 Thread Count Color: Ivory

B says to me: I want a hat to wear to the gym. But not like a regular hat. Like a gym hat. To this I gave him confused side eye. The  man has 30 hats. Why can he not wear these hats to the gym? Apparently because you’re not supposed to wash regular hats because they shrink. B has a super sized head so this would be bad. He wants these.

UNDER ARMOUR Men’s Off-Day Adjustable Cap

He also wants socks. SNORING. The socks *I* wanted were exciting.

Kenneth Cole Men’s Oversized Grid Dress-Socks

 

And there you have it. B’s wish list. What did I tell you? Boy stuff is the WORST. And we as women don’t understand it at all. I vote for segregated gift giving in this country. WOMEN MAY ONLY GIVE TO OTHER WOMEN AND MEN TO OTHER MEN. It can be a giant pick from a hat sort of thing.

But I need a woman who gives diamonds. JS.

Ok now tell me what you have in mind for your member of the penis population. Maybe I’ll get a better idea for B than his snore list.

xoxo

MODG and B

 

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POSTED IN: B,Stuff I like

{ 107 comments }

sarah November 27, 2011 at 8:49 pm

I’m getting my boyfriend a water powered clock, customized t-shirt, first season of house, and nerf guns.

Mash November 28, 2011 at 9:27 pm

Nerf guns are always a great idea!

Katie E. November 28, 2011 at 11:24 pm

Nerf guns and anything radio controlled are great. I like the RC stuff because then the hubs can amuse the baby by enticing him to crawl after the car.

Christie November 27, 2011 at 8:49 pm

I sent M on a Dream Tour where he got to drive 6 exotic cars for an afternoon. It is normally pricey but I have been seeing Groupons for it, Gotham City Tours.
I will never top this present for as long as I live.
Well, unless you count Baby R.

Megs November 29, 2011 at 11:43 am

My hubs would KILL for this gift. Too bad I can’t find anything like this where we live. Damn.

lin November 27, 2011 at 8:52 pm

yep that about sums it up. my husband has/wants all the same crap. giving men gifts sucks donkey balls. i thought about getting my hubs an e-reader but B has an iPad so he’s covered there. i feel your pain!

Lluvia November 27, 2011 at 8:56 pm

I’m getting mine jeans, underwear, a new wallet, sunglasses, socks, pretty much practical stuff because he’s boring like that. Oh, he does want an iPad 2. We’ll see if that one fits in the budget.

Katie November 27, 2011 at 8:59 pm

Yeah, my hubs asks for the same sorts of things. I’ve started just buying him tickets to a sporting event. He’d buy them anyway, but now when he leaves me at home with a baby on a Sunday afternoon I tell him it’s a gift, then take myself shopping.

SER November 27, 2011 at 8:59 pm

You totally hit it right on with “booze, sports, and naps.” My boy toy wants MRE’s (Meals Ready to Eat) so he can stock pile for the zombie apocalypse that he swears is due any day now. Oh and he wants ammo (either .308 or .223) but then again so do I…

rsc November 27, 2011 at 9:00 pm

My husband asks for car detailing every year. also sunglasses

Bryn November 27, 2011 at 9:00 pm

i got my husband a shopvac last xmas….he fell over in joyous convulsions. its great for cleaning up kitty litter and cleaning MY car.

Bekkah November 27, 2011 at 9:01 pm

I completely agree with the segregated gift giving idea. That’s how we work it in my family’s holiday secret santa. Ladies buy for ladies and dudes buy for dudes. It’s fantastic.

My husband’s wish list is pretty boring as well. He wants a new bathrobe, ties, dress shirts, some game subscription for his xbox, and a sodastream machine.

Sometimes I find it more fun to just stuff his stocking with cash and then go shopping together during the after Christmas sales. Then again, he is part of a very small part of the penis population that likes to shop so it probably wouldn’t work for everyone.

Lacey November 27, 2011 at 9:46 pm

Sodastreams are awesome! We have had ours for about two years now and absolutely love it. We don’t even make soda- just delicious sparkling water (suck it, Perrier).

Kelly November 28, 2011 at 12:02 pm

SODASTREAM ROCKS!!!

M November 27, 2011 at 9:09 pm

I bought my husband that crazy smoker a couple years ago for our anniversary and yup, he was psyched. How many times has he used it? Not that many. How yummy are the chickens and pork products that emerge from it? Seriously delicious. Highly recommended.

Sara November 27, 2011 at 9:15 pm

My fiance wants all that crap too….BUT I am awesome and got him custom made cornhole boards (a tailgate boyish game where they literally throw beanbags, but since they do it before football games it’s cool). They are painted for his college and he’s going to die when he sees them. Get some Penn State ones and I’m sure he will love them. Here’s the site http://www.legitcornhole.com/

Claire November 27, 2011 at 9:56 pm

Um, amazeballs. Tailgater’s dream. Many thanks.

Julie November 28, 2011 at 1:16 pm

I made a cornhole set for my husband a few years ago – I honestly think that’s why he proposed to me. GREAT gift.

Amanda Black November 27, 2011 at 9:15 pm

I hubs both likes expensive jeans and men’s cookware, white undershirts, and never throws away his unders. I take it upon myself to do that. He also makes a kick ass smoker out of a ceramic pot a-la alton brown. complete with temperature control… should you be intersted.

Lisa November 27, 2011 at 9:16 pm

Ugh, I was waiting for this post and hoping it would be fun and interesting and supplement the dumb boxers and socks I’m getting J. But damn, guys are boring. He’s also getting a backrest for reading/laptopping in bed. And a coffeemaker. The one thing he told me he wants is chapstick. “My lips get chapped when you’re not around and I can’t steal yours .Put a ribbon on it or something.” I should get him some LipSmackers for his work desk.

katie November 27, 2011 at 9:18 pm

nerf guns are where it’s at!!! the hubby even modified his to have more power, then him and the guys he works with modified the darts into death darts… it stays at work! but seriously b and g will have a blast playing with “normal” nerf guns ;)

my hubby is so picky that i’ve given up on regular gifts and give him cash. everyone else gives him cash too and then he can go buy whatever ridiculous thing he wants and doesn’t have to ask my permission ;)

Leigh November 27, 2011 at 9:18 pm

I am not so into electronics but worried I was going to go deaf at the gym from my ear bud headphones and music turned way up trying to drown out the stereo there. So my husband got me the Bose noise-cancelling headphones for my birthday. They are amazing. Amazing. I feel like a teenage boy in them but they really are fantastic. I highly recommend.

Sarah November 27, 2011 at 9:26 pm

This is a mirror image of what my husbands birthday “wishes” are too. Except instead of Hanes boxer briefs it’s Hanes white undershirts. What a snoozefest.

Darbi November 28, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Socks and underwear! That is all they ask for! So now, that is all I buy. If you want something fun, buy it your damn self!

Gail November 27, 2011 at 9:26 pm

Mine wants a Keirug, or whatever those fancy coffeemakers are. And I think I’m going to get him a radio/docking station, so he can get rid of the gross, dust covered boom box from 1999.

KristinSanchez November 27, 2011 at 9:46 pm

Please buy him a Keurig…they are amazing!

Susan November 27, 2011 at 9:48 pm

Keurigs are the most bestest. You should get it!

Krista November 28, 2011 at 11:18 pm

I am obsessing over Keurig right now. Almost bought one on QVC yesterday…I’m kicking myself for not doing it. Especially since I’m doing decaf for the next nine months or so and the husband is definitely not.

Katie E. November 29, 2011 at 9:12 pm

I love ours! It is a mommy must have!

Susan November 27, 2011 at 9:28 pm

My penis requested a 30,000 BTU 99% efficient natural gas Garage Heater to keep his play land at a nice 40 degrees and above, thus extending the amount of time he can spend in the garage ignoring the chaos and shit that needs to be done IN the house. He was so sure that this was THE gift that he went ahead and installed the gas line…

Sarah R. November 27, 2011 at 9:32 pm

Boys are crap to shop for! The only idea I have for hubs this year is a copy of the Steve Jobs biography. He’s into nerdy stuff like that.

My default gift ideas are MSU b-ball tix & massage gift certificates. Anything else has been a giant fail. I got him a personalized pilsner glass from the Heineken factory in Amsterdam last year. How much cooler can you get?!?! Yeah, he tossed it when he was purging our house of BPA & lead due to my preggo status. No, I’m not bitter at all.

Susan November 27, 2011 at 9:33 pm

Well, there ya go. I just looked in the garage and the heater is being installed “before it gets too cold”. Upside? I don’t have to shop for one and risk getting the wrong one :D

@Gail- Keurigs r o c k.

H's mom November 27, 2011 at 9:42 pm

My husband likes his underoos from plastic bags as well. For the socks, he gets excited for the ones that have the arch support tight thingie around the middle. So look for those.

i usually get him some type of super comfy tshirt and pajame pants combo, which i then steal and wear while he sleeps in his underoos like usual.

Anyone know if the make real underoos but for men? like superman print?

Toi November 29, 2011 at 11:58 am

Um, I suggest not looking up adult underoos while on a work computer. (Not that I did that or anything.)

Lindsey G December 1, 2011 at 12:32 pm

I have totally bought my husband Superman and The Flash underoos from Target! They’re great, and he loves them (and he’s totally a underwear from a plastic wrapper type of guy)

Lacey November 27, 2011 at 9:42 pm

Video games. Every year. For every gift giving occasion. The only thing that varies is if the game is for the xbox 360 or the computer.
This Christmas it’s NCAA college football 2012 for the 360. That way he can replay the season and make sure the ducks come out undefeated (side eye to LSU & USC).

Christina November 27, 2011 at 9:48 pm

The headphones don’t work. I’ve got them – yes the boze ones – and I can still hear the video game controllers clicking in the other room – makes me nuts.

Darbi November 27, 2011 at 9:49 pm

I read this list to the BF. He says it is a great list, except for the bandanas. He says bandanas are gay. Don’t tell B that though.

DaniB November 27, 2011 at 10:13 pm

The first gift I ever gave R was for his birthday when we knew each other 4 months and weren’t even officially dating. It was a throwback jersey for his favorite baseball team that he died over and still talks about to this day. For 5 years since I have failed with every gift to top it or even get anything close. This year is our first married Christmas and he gets flying lessons!

Kari78 November 27, 2011 at 11:57 pm

My husband would DIE for flying lessons!

AsphaltQueen November 27, 2011 at 10:19 pm

Tickets to sporting events. Winner, winner chicken dinner.

And I just saw on some celebrity online charity auction website (where I was trolling to try and find a kick-ass gift for both my husband and my dad) a listing where you can bid on a being a character in Madden NFL 2012 (it’s a football video game for those not in the know). It was already up to something like $2,500. That must be a woman bidder who is desperate for a cool Christmas gift.

Theresa November 27, 2011 at 10:23 pm

My husband and I don’t buy for each other. We pretty much stopped after we got married. The truth is when we want something we just get it… usually we buy ourselves something we need and just call it our Christmas present… like the new bed we got a few months ago… Merry Christmas to us!

Roxanne November 27, 2011 at 10:24 pm

I HATE buying for my hubby!!! This year, i was thinking Apple TV – but then we went to friends house who had it and he was like “do you want that for Christmas?”… so much for a surprise.
So so far, im thinking a nice couple of shirts (that he wouldnt buy himself), a blu-ray player with internet (for netflix)…umm ya Im lost. He already has most of the shit on your list unfortunately…

I'llSleepWhenThey'reGrown November 27, 2011 at 10:29 pm

My hubs is very specific about his gift list. He wants reference monitors for recording music. His list is usually longer and more expensive than mine b/c my mind goes blank when I try to think of the fun things I’d like to see wrapped with my name on them. I’ve thought ahead this year (since writing on my blog) and I’ve decided on a bike. One that fits me, and not just a hand-me-down. And I realize this sounds like a boy-gift, so there are TWO suggestions for you.

Beth November 27, 2011 at 10:32 pm

Here is a post I did last week with exactly 2 good gift ideas for guys.
http://e3creations-beth.blogspot.com/2011/11/gift-ideas-for-dudes.html

Krista November 27, 2011 at 10:33 pm

I do most of the work with power tools around my house and B might want to rethink the wireless drill. They seem like a good idea, but the batteries tend to lose their charge even when you aren’t using them, so you need to make sure you plan ahead and charge a battery before you are ready to start drilling. Also, they really aren’t as powerful as the corded ones. I just got a corded one this summer and it is sooo much better than the wireless. As for lawn mowers (cause yes, I do that too sometimes) self-propelled is where it’s at.

Anna November 28, 2011 at 7:06 pm

Married to a carpenter who always buys himself anything he wants and leaves no good gifts. Get an impactor instead of a drill. They are stronger and more useful. Cordless is fine but Black and Decker is a no, no in our house. Makita or the little Bosch is better.

Molls November 29, 2011 at 8:25 pm

I mow the lawn. Before we moved, we had three acres of it. We had to keep it short for the chickens. Anyway, we have that Husky mower. I love it. It is really well-built, you get a little exercise, and you can bag up the clippings for compost. (I bet B won’t be seen drinking a glass of white wine between laps, though.)

designstiles November 27, 2011 at 10:41 pm

I said it before, my guy wants tupperware. Now I’m thinking he probably also wants nail polish. Socks are on his list for every birthday and Christmas. At least he goes for the funky colored socks. And by at least I mean, not surprised. And clothes. Of course he does. I know he’s not fully gay because he’s not picky about the clothes I buy.

Kristal Miller November 27, 2011 at 10:48 pm

This is SO true. My boyfriend always says he wants nothing so I always have to play a guessing game w/him. Here is what he’s getting this year:

-Timberland work boots
-Socks
-Underwear
-Alexander Ovechkin hockey jersey

Cyeah…not all that exciting. He got a PS3 and several video games from me last year…among other things, like socks and underwear.

Mrs.BigTime November 27, 2011 at 11:49 pm

I can seriously think of NOTHING to get my member of the penis population! He is convinced he is the easiest man to shop for, but seriously, I don’t know who he thinks he’s married to, but we can’t afford anything he wants! We have too much stuff for me to drop hundreds on freaking Christmas presents. I cannot think of anything less than $100 to buy him – although, the body hair trimmer you’ve got on your list is pretty interesting…

Thanks for the list, you are way more on top of things than I am.

Tia November 27, 2011 at 11:53 pm

So far I’ve gotten my husband concert tickets, and I’m having a calendar with photos of our daughter on it for every month made. It’s a “homemade” gift…and he’ll love it. Otherwise, I’m looking for other normal boring stuff. A couple of his fav movies he doesn’t have yet. Men are simple…and I’m thankful for that. And…they’re grateful for the simple things, which makes it really nice to give those gifts. One year I put a new butter dish in his stocking…and he was ecstatic about it. He had been wanting a nice butter dish for the house…go figure.

Kari78 November 28, 2011 at 12:06 am

I got my husband the Dewalt version of the drill last year & a set of bits plus other assorted cheap shirts that are work appropriate from JC Penny… We live in AK & he would stick out like a sore thumb in anything much nicer. Boring but I hit the nail on the head & he was happy. I’ll do something similar this year… Another Dewalt tool or a ShopVac or something similar. I think a belt is on his list this year… :P

Casey November 28, 2011 at 12:16 am

Awesome ideas. Spanks.

ZDub November 28, 2011 at 12:28 am

Jeff and B wear the same underwear.

P.S. Jeff’s birthday is tomorrow. I’ve purchased him nothing because he said, “I don’t want anything”. I might have to buy him a 12 pack of bandanas or give him a beej.

I’m going with the bandanas.

KB November 28, 2011 at 9:23 am

Bandanas for sure.

Krista November 28, 2011 at 12:02 pm

I vote bandanas too.

JJ November 28, 2011 at 9:14 pm

BANDANAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Angi November 28, 2011 at 2:32 am

I guess I lucked out, my Mr. is pretty easy to buy for because he HATES buying himself stuff…so I just make a mental list over the course of the year and voila, instant Christmas list.

This year he’s getting some custom artwork for his office at work, a video camera, an automated tie rack for his closet, a hunting/survival knife (we live in Alaska…) and of course his favorite gift every year, hiking/wool socks.

I did buy him a cordless drill last year though, and he loves it. A hint: DeWalt beats Black and Decker, hands down. My brother in law has worked in construction for years and it’s what he uses, and my husband’s has been stellar.

Happy shopping!

Julie November 28, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Anji – If you haven’t already purchased the artwork, check out my husband’s company http://www.turningart.com. It’s an art rotation service, kind of like Netflix for art. They send you a frame and you can rotate prints of the art you like as often as you choose. Today’s the last day for 20% off gift subscriptions for the holidays.

Darbi November 28, 2011 at 2:14 pm

ROTATING TIE RACK!!!! That is exactly what the BF needs! Holy Crap! We are buying a new house and he keeps telling people how are new closet is big enough for his clothes and one of those! (His clothes are going in the guest room, but whatever) Thanks!

Angi November 28, 2011 at 2:37 pm

You bet, the one I’m getting my husband is from Brookstone, if you’re trying to find a place to buy one! Hope your BF loves it!! :)

Darbi November 29, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Awesome! I am searching now! You rock my face off!

Marjie November 28, 2011 at 5:18 am

I haaate buying gifts for my fiance. 1. He is a carpenter and so he buys his own tools / he knows way, way more about that stuff than I do so I just don’t even go there; 2. He actually likes to go clothes shopping. Except the clothes he buys are exclusively carhartt, and he really has no need for dress up stuff.

The one thing I did get him this year are these boxers from patagonia: http://www.patagonia.com/us/product/mens-capilene-1-silkweight-boxers?p=45120-0-654
He has a couple pairs and pretty much rolls around on the floor drooling every time he puts them on. TBH i think they look kind of silly but whatever.

Rebecca November 28, 2011 at 9:11 am

I’m getting my husband a plastic trombone. Really, he actually plays trombone.

KB November 28, 2011 at 9:23 am

My husband wants a (this is a quote from the note he left me) “Blackhawk M9 Beretta leg holster”. Whaaaaaat???

Scraps November 28, 2011 at 9:53 am

This year he asked for a digital camera (despite free access to mine… it is a bit bulky, though, so I guess I understand), screw organizers (yes, really), and various DVDs (mostly old series he likes). Of course, he makes his amazon list for ease of sharing with the family and then orders 2 things off it himself!

He’d also love a table saw but Santa might have to kick in for that one, it’s not gonna happen from me this year.

Last year I got him one of those laser-level things as a stocking stuffer and he LOVES it. Uses it every chance he gets. Best $12 present ever AND I get my pictures, glass racks, etc. hung with glee :)

Liz Taylor November 28, 2011 at 10:22 am

I totally just bought my husband the Bose headphones for Christmas. he has wanted them for years. And as a reward for being a totally awesome wife God sent me an email (via wells fargo) telling me I had been racking up credit card points for the last 5 years and never knew it. So I was able to cash in the points for a best buy gift card to pay for the headphones and a $250 Nordstrom giftcard for me, and the husband never has to know! woo hoo!

Denise November 28, 2011 at 10:34 am

Mr. Beer brewing kit
http://www.amazon.com/Mr-Beer-Premium-Gold-Home/dp/B001BCFUBU/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1322494382&sr=8-1

Hope the hubby likes it, he for some reason wants to brew his own beer.

melissa November 28, 2011 at 12:43 pm

I got this for my father one year and it’s been a huge hit. He’s got a whole operation now and there’s always delicious beer in his fridge when I go visit.

Lezlee November 28, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Got mine the Coopers Beer Brewing kit… hoping to save money on beer now. I think it’s a definite go-to present for the penis population for sure.

Jenalee November 30, 2011 at 7:21 pm

Just to let you know in case you have dogs…. THROW AWAY the spent hops after you brew the beer! Our dog ate them in january after my husband brewed it and passed away! :(. It’s fatal, please tell whoever you buy the kits for!

Samantha November 28, 2011 at 10:42 am

My husband loves to shop and buy athletic clothes – like he needs 10 pairs of running shorts… Every year for Christmas his request is the same – he wants a 12 hour DVD of that year’s Tour de France. Because watching it once over a period of a month wasn’t boring enough the first time.
At least I can get him the same thing every year and not feel bad about it.

Stacy November 28, 2011 at 7:52 pm

Our husbands must have been separated at birth. I have to endure the filling up of the DVR with every single stage of the TOUR.

Colleen November 28, 2011 at 10:53 am

Surprise him with a pair of Under Armor fancy pants boxer brief underwear and he’ll never go back. http://www.underarmour.com/shop/us/en/pid1209292-001

Seriously, these changed my husband’s life and saved our relationship. Now I no longer have to hear about chaffing when we walk more than a block. He’s so enamored he started spreading the under armor underwear gospel. He gave them to all his groomsmen (and our dads) as wedding party gifts. Weird? Yeah. But he feels he’s changed a few lives in the process so it was worth it.

matthew November 28, 2011 at 11:09 am

my wife emailed me this link because she related to your post.

i always send her here:
http://www.uncrate.com

Amy November 28, 2011 at 11:33 am

The smoker is a fantastic gift. I bought one for my boyfriend (now he’s my hsuband) a couple years ago for a birthday or Christmas gift (his b-day is December 22 so I often can’t remember which gift was for which event) and it has benefitted me greatly. Smoked Salmon done at home is AMAZING…and SUPER EASY in the smoker. Also, we have done ribs and other man-favorite meats in there and they all turn out really really tasty. I’d highly recommend giving a smoaker if you would like to reep the benefits of good food.

Wesley Elizabeth November 28, 2011 at 11:43 am

I always give my boyfriend something music/sound system oriented. Last year it was a nice record player and this year, I’m thinking a new receiver doo-dad because apparently ours sucks (I don’t know, I try not to look it in the eye). If that fails, or turns out to be way too complicated (RE: Expensive), there are always vintage records to fall back on, and concert tickets.

Lacey H November 28, 2011 at 12:04 pm

men are all the sames. I gave my hub the Dale Jarret package to drive a real Nascar around the Talladega track 10 times. I’ll never top it. haha (yes, we live in Alabama!haha)

Andrea November 28, 2011 at 12:09 pm

My husband wants the same boring-ass underwear. Whatever.
I have to admit, I want some bad ass noise canceling headphones. When G is older and talking non-stop about crap you don’t give a shit about, or sings the wrong words OFF KEY to your favorite songs when you are trying to listen, you, too will want some. I have some noise canceling ear buds, but they get uncomfortable pretty quick. I could use some headphones for the ultimate block-out-loud-kids grown up time-out with a rum and coke. (Or, maybe even one of your dad’s crazy concoctions.)

Ruth November 28, 2011 at 12:11 pm

My penis wants a gas powered hedge trimmer. The one with the cord is just too difficult I guess.

Also on his list are a router and a jigsaw. Ideas for anyone else who already did the cordless drill like 4 Christmases ago.

melissa November 28, 2011 at 12:38 pm

I’m lucky in that my penis makes me pretty extensive wish lists. His birthday is right around Thanksgiving, so I recently got him a bunch of stuff but didn’t go with the list. It seemed to work out: new workout clothes and socks and, for my geeky little guy, a remote controlled robot to put together. Now he wants another robotics kit or some such nonsense for Christmas. Thank God he doesn’t like sports or tools… I have no interest in buying anything to do with either.

Katie November 28, 2011 at 12:42 pm

I started selling bj’s in North Philly in September so I can afford to buy the man a snow blower for xmas as he’s been dropping that hint all year since our bajillion blizzards last winter destroyed his back. My only requirement is that he clears our neighbors walkways for a fee to buy me some diamonds…and penicillin.

He’s getting a pair of slippers from the kids, and Cahrharts from my parents. Men suck.

Ariadnad November 28, 2011 at 12:48 pm

So in my house we are all backwards. My husband loves shopping, I hate it. He always wants something, he is the easiest person to buy for, I’m the hardest. But he does give good gifts. (Only if you are a female that loves football as much as he does.) With that said, my husband loves shoes (J0rdans) anything to do with his favorite sports teams, and video games. Yes, this does make my life easier but also expensive. Have you seen how much a jersey or a new pair of Jordans costs?!

ElsMom November 28, 2011 at 1:03 pm

I have been told that if I buy power tools they better have the name Makita or Milwaukee or they will be returned. Other ideas I have used: tickets to a New Years Day bowl game. Arrange babysitting in advance, golf bag with school logo, tickets to see his favorite singer in concert, nothing.

Faith November 28, 2011 at 1:19 pm

I loathe shopping for my man, or any man for that matter! This year… a pound of gourmet coffee beans, each. There. Done, done, done.

~F

Hillary November 28, 2011 at 4:41 pm

I FINALLY got my husband to make a Christmas list. It took me, his mom and my mom all pressuring him. This was his list:

New University of Michigan book (which his mom already bought him)
University of Michigan football calendar (which he gets EVERY year from his mom)
Detroit Tigers dri-fit t-shirt
Best Buy gift cards

Thanks a lot husband. That did nothing for anyone.

m.h. November 28, 2011 at 5:00 pm

My hubby is getting this… http://www.buy.com/pr/product.aspx?sku=221174591&sellerid=14387982
It will hopefully mean the alarm is not getting increasingly louder so as to wake the entire neighborhood and he gets some target practice…win win.

Stacy November 28, 2011 at 7:49 pm

My husband tends to return EVERYTHING I freaking buy him. Buying gifts for men is dumb, amen. However, your list, not B’s list actually gave me my idea for him this year. My hubs loves to clean and I am getting him a Shark Steam Mop. He will love it and not return it. At least, I think I’m on top of the gift this year. With our little one he too feels your pain about having to do the floor 24/7.

Jenny November 28, 2011 at 9:07 pm

My man always liked DVDs. It didn’t matter as long as it involved bombs and explosions and blood OR sexy girls from the future/space/alternate reality OR sexy vampires that suck peoples blood (and who preferably also make things explode). I learned that the penis population likes blood, loud things (don’t understand the noise cancellation either) and sexy women. And maybe it was only mine that had a thing for Star Trek/Star Wars/Battlestar Gallactica (I see a star pattern… but they can’t watch Next Food Network Star? Seriously?). I personally don’t get it. But whatever floats his boat.

So yes. I say DVDs. Better yet, I got him one season of one show (Battlestar) one year and then have decided to continue and get him a season at a time while also giving him some other gift (usually a tshirt or cap or sweatshirt with his alma mater on it. That’s another thing that magically makes his eyes light up: his old team mascot. Doesn’t matter what color/size/shape the piece of clothing is as long as he can wear it in front of the TV for his team.) Also, I’m aware this makes me sound cheap, but I usually spend a while trying to find something else AWESOME… but these are my backups/other gifts.

Penis gifts should die. Because someday there will be no more Battlestar DVDs. Gah.

JJ November 28, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Get him the Shark mop like it’s a big deal, OR the Keurig thing because they are the shit. Buy something you secretly want and pretend it’s for his benefit. This plan can work out for all involved.

jessi November 28, 2011 at 9:38 pm

wow this post and all the comments make me feel so much better! the only person i stress about buying gifts for is my husband. going with the whole “he loves booze” thing, i bought my hubs the de-freaking-luxe home brew kit for his birthday last year. my parents and sister went in on all the accessories and shit that go with it. it’s still in our basement. unopened. he “doesn’t have the time”. $200 I’ll never see again and we’re STILL paying for beer that other people make. bitter.

Kaite November 28, 2011 at 11:09 pm

The smoker is a great gift. My penis and I went through some shitty shit and our fifth anniversary was spent separated. We decided to do the gift/observance thing at the last minute and that was my gift to him. This was three years ago, and he loved/loves it and has made some amazing food with the smoker, but also as an expanded hobby since. Not a bad idea, just be sure to have a fire extinguisher handy!

Katie E. November 28, 2011 at 11:37 pm

Once upon a time I was a museum artifact restorationist. It sounds a lot cooler than it was. But I know my power tools. Home Depot usually has some kickass deals on Makita tools at this time of year. Get B a Makita cordless drill. The battery lasts forever. And get him a Makita impact drill for good measure (they are different). I don’t know if B carries a pocketknife, but a good knife that will last forever is the Case pocketknife. While they aren’t all trendy, they are well made. They come in lots of sizes and colors and are so freaking handy. My hubs wants a nice tie bar. Exciting huh? I am sure there will be a video game, and I am looking for some interesting fiction. Shopping for men sucks! Good luck ladies!

jp November 29, 2011 at 8:26 am

Speakers that look like rocks.
Boys like to trick people with their sneaky toys.

Danielle November 29, 2011 at 10:19 am

I already got J the ESPN book just because one day, I wasted a Christmas present because now everytime I ask him what he wants for Christmas he doesnt say “nothing” he literally just doesn’t answer me! Then changes the subject before I even know what’s going on the I’m sitting there like wa..wha..how..WHATEVER. Like do you here what I’m asking ?! I think he’s avoiding asking me what I want like its going to be some crazysparkleysuperexpensive monstrosity of a gift :)

Megs November 29, 2011 at 11:42 am

Get him a home brew kit. I got one for my hubs 2 years ago and have been enjoying a never ending supply of (mostly) delicious beer ever since.

Last year he got a super deluxe remote controlled helicopter. He still plays with it, and it keeps the toddler entertained for a solid 15 minutes (which is eons in toddler time).

Struggling to come up with something this year beyond a bunch of music, a nerf gun and socks. He has two of every tool on the planet, and whenever he wants something, he just buys it for himself. Did I mention that he doesn’t like sports or video games? He is impossible. I might just get myself a bunch of slutty lingerie and put his name on it.

Terresa November 29, 2011 at 12:34 pm

My husband got a Harley this year, and although that should be his gift for the next eleventymillion gift giving occasions, I got him a cover for his Harley and some highway footpegs and a couple of shirts. I’ll throw in some cologne and favorite candy for his stocking and he is done.

Bethany November 29, 2011 at 12:43 pm

My husband would like a remote control toy of some sort to play with outside. I have googled “adult toys for men” and you can imagine the search results. Any advice would be much appreciated. I was thinking along the lines of a remote control helicopter, plane, car…but really can’t tell the difference between one that would get me some wifey bonus points or one that he would possibly laugh at. Thanks, ladies!

Molly November 29, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Umm this list IS my husband — he is OBSESSED with his smoker & we did a turkey in it for T-giving this year. First thing he said was “it tastes like ham!”. It’s a must-have!

grateful to Bee November 29, 2011 at 5:56 pm

My husband rocks, he asked for new plates and pots & pans for the kitchen. & he lets me ask for things like jewelry, and clothes, and infinite gift cards to Amazon.

First he asked me for a mider saw (?????) wth…. I gave him sad side eye, “AWW I don’t know what that is! WHAT WILL I DOOOOO?” & he changed his mind. I might still be sweet & go ask the Home Depot star squad to help me find such a saw.

Funny In My Mind November 29, 2011 at 5:57 pm

The snowblower is the ultimate gift. I am going to get him that for sure. In 5 years.
Mine wants a winch/wench for his silly Jeep. I think he is going to get cologne, socks, shirts and a scarf.

Cheryl November 29, 2011 at 7:04 pm

Love the suggestions!

This year, I made a movie gift basket for the hubs out of a plastic popcorn bowl and filled it with his favorite candy, popcorn, nacho cheese (because he dips his popcorn- seriously), beer, 2 movies, and movie theater tickets. I’m still working on a frame for leaving love notes for his stocking. We’re pretty gay for each other. He has a PS3 under the tree as well, so he has something a little more manly to open ;)

Miss Andi November 30, 2011 at 11:19 am

I gave my hunny a wireless drill a few years ago. He was giddy like an 8 year old holding a Millennium Falcon. That is to say, he was seriously stoked. He still enjoys using it greatly.

Also, the smoker…you will benefit from the deliciousness. I can’t recommend that enough. Even if he only uses it 2 or 3 times a year, you will die. So good.

In addition, I purchased a few Hugo Boss suits from Gilt. They have them at MUCH better prices from time to time. I realize that may not be handy for Christmas, but you can always stash it away for a St. Patty’s Day or something.

Devon @ Green House, Good Life November 30, 2011 at 4:48 pm

A real hippie would get an electric lawn mower. Like this one. It’s really quiet, too, which is nice when you want to mow the lawn at 7 am because it’s gonna be 108 degrees by 10 am.

Britt @ My. Daily. Randomness. December 2, 2011 at 2:37 pm

Ok so I guess I am on the right track with buying my man a drill…. but what the hell is the difference between the 12v and the 18v…? I was going for the 12, but now… oh god, what do I dooo?

OH YES! December 10, 2011 at 4:39 pm

This list makes me SO happy that I married a woman!! LOL

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