And if you’re interested in glamour wear for you cat, go ahead and visit the modern cat. Which I stumbled upon in a google image search. Lucky us.
It’s that time again. Time for me to make some dollaz. If you didn’t know things like the sky is blue, I make commission from these posts. But I want you to know that I actually do order this much shit from amazon for one reason: Amazon Mom. If you are not a member, you are an idiot. I don’t care if you’re a mom or not, join. You get free 2 day shipping and it’s free to join. The more mom shit you buy, the more free shipping you get. You don’t even have to mail your kid for proof of momness. THEY JUST BELIEVE YOU.
The way I choose my items, is I search the word “shipped” in my email and see all the crapola that I bought. Then I pick which is worth telling you about. If you (or B) knew how much there was, everyone would choke on their own tongue and die. So let’s leave it at that.
And to further prove my loyalty, I will be featuring some shit that I bought this month that is not from Amazon, i.e. I make no money off of it (stupid). But there’s some shit that I must tell you about.
Without further ado, Edition 1293 of
STUFF I LIKE. (sit back, it’s been a while)
this is the stuff I like for myselfness and for a 9-12 month old kiddo.
G is a full fledged eating machine. But he’s starting to learn how to be annoying about it. Like throwing his food in my face and on the floor and on the wall. I swear unless it’s coated in tomato sauce and basil, the kid won’t eat it. I love secret and I love sneaks, so I got this book. I was originally going to buy Jessica Seinfeld’s version of it, but this chick thought of it first and Jessie S got her ass sued. I support original thoughts (side eye suri cruise website which I will not reference). And this book is awesome. It’s about hiding healthy foods in your kids pink polkadotted candy cookies. Don’t give me that “OH THEY NEED TO LEARN TO LIKE BRUSSEL SPROUTS”. I don’t have time for that nonsense. Let’s just have the kid grow taller than 5’2” and we’ll be all set.
These things have saved my life on many levels. I fill them up with grapes or cereal or chicken or monster poop and the child reaches his little paw in and pulls the food out. I hook them to whatever he is sitting in. He’s not that coordinated (HE’S A DAMN BABY PEOPLE) so it takes him generations to pull all the food out. 2 birds, stoned. Baby stops crying for long periods of time as he is occupied and no longer hungry. BAM. Also he learned what inside and outside means. I know, babies are so dumb.
I’m going to be honest here. This thing is more for me than for G. But as you’ll see we went through a serious WE’RE NOT FORCING YOU TO BE A FUTURE ROCKSTAR AND PAY OUR MORTGAGE, WE’RE JUST INTRODUCING MUSIC TO YOU stage. This was part of it. But MAN ALIVE…do you know how fun it is to try and play Walk Like an Egyptian and Loveshack on this bad boy? G is like grabbing it for his turn and B and I are like, wait wait wait, let me just try and play 99 Problems on it. It’s not childsplay. This thing is in tune and has a great sound. LOVES IT.
This also falls into our no pressure rockstar plan. We go to library playtime and they play a song that’s like SHAKE IT SHAKE IT SHAKE IT ON YOUR ELBOWS SHAKE IT SHAKE IT SHAKE IT ON YOUR KNEES. Which, if it wasn’t child play time at the library and 1am at the club, that song could mean something very different. Regardless, the kids all have one of these bad boys and go NUTS over it. They are like HOLY SHIT THIS IS AMAZING. Get it. It’s like a dollar.
Now the fun stuff. Single Guy picked these kicks out for G and they are super awesome. He gets compliments on them all the time from other cool babies. Because they are a crazy color they go with everything. They are easy to get on and they stay on, which many shoes do NOT. (side eye Toms overpriced hipster shoes). We’re doing a family photoshoot and literally the whole outfit concept is around these shoes.
DUDES. This stuff is where it’s at. I’ve relied on it for years. When you feel like you’re getting sick you take 3 of these horse pills every 3 hours and it will literally knock the Bubonic Plague out of you. Advice: DO NOT buy the capsules. Only get the tablets. If you accidentally buy the capsules you will have to take SIX every 3 hours. That’s like an ungodly amount of shit to swallow. That’s what she said. I’m serious, you need this for the winter.
Because I have a distaste these days for showing and/or washing my hair, this thing has made my Nicole Richie hair fantasy a reality. It makes super awesome curls. Here is an example
It comes with a little glove. It’s only a three fingered glove though. You know …because the other fingers don’t matter.
It took me an embarrassingly long time to learn about these. If you cloth diaper, you should probably have these. They are a flushable liner that goes in the diaper. So when there is a massive smooshy spilly vomitty poop, you pick up the liner and you just flush. No more discussion, if you don’t have you. YOU BUY IT NOW.
Remember that whole, music is awesome thing and be really good at it really soon? We’re don’t F around. Apparently ukuleles are perfecto child guitars. The strings are soft plastic so if they were to break, no injuries. I think. So far so good. G LOVES this thing. And he actually knows how to strum it.
I however, own this thing and have no idea how to hold it. We’re learning together.
PS they all come in like a billion colors. I really want them all. Like the most amazing wall display EVER.
I have a great friend who is an elementary school music teacher. These drums are the business. Also the hippies go wild for them. ALSO G thinks he’s conjuring spirits of the rainforest with it. Everyone wins.
I would just like to pause for a quick story. We were at a 1st birthday party this weekend and I was like, “man that’s a lot of toys, where are you going to put them all?” And they were like, “oh well she doesn’t have any toys yet. She just plays nicely” And that my friends is WHY we have all this shit. G DOES NOT JUST PLAY NICELY. We bought every GD thing known to man in the hopes that he will start to “just play nicely.”
Oh the time came. The time came when G grew out of his “I can carry you out of the car in your seat without waking you up so I get some quiet internet time” seat. And we had to get him a “wake you up EVERY time you fall asleep in the car and I have to just run in and get a damn coffee” seat. But it happens. Every one of my friends recommended this one. They are all annoying because they have to be rear facing. But this does the job. And it’s safe. Whatever, it’s a carseat.
We had to take an impromptu trip to NC for a few days and needed a high chair. This bad boy is awesome. It’s simple, has a tray for extra dollaz and isn’t ugly. The legs come off easily for travel and I loved it. I kept ours though because it has wheels but I MAY use this one instead. GO SWEDES.
Cloth diapering is awesome for your baby and the earth but not for your purse…or diaper bag (purse rhymed). They are HUGE and you can’t fit anything else in anywhere. So I threw my old diaper bag at the wall, got a huge awesome tote (that I’m not showing to you because I don’t want you all to buy it…but it’s leather and pretty and amazing) but I needed some organization. THIS SHIT IS WHERE ITS AT. Literally this is amazing. It’s made by asians (obvs). I gave them the measurements of my bag and what I wanted to store and they sent me the best thing ever. Life changing.
Right around this age they start walking. A lot of walkers are AWFUL with tons of lights and colors and shit. This thing was 20 bucks and G loves it. He looks like a 90 year old man toting his personals around the kitchen. He’s SO cute with this thing and I think it’s adorable. Ikea really rocks for baby stuff.
I asked B if he would like to feature any items on the Stuff I Like post. And he was like…hmmm. My iPhone.
Me: So you want me to be like, “here is this awesome thing that you don’t know about…the iPhone.
B: Yeah, it’s good.
Me: Ok, I’m sure everyone will be really grateful that I told them about it.
B: Yeah, I also like my headphones for my iPhone.
Me: Ok we’re really on a roll here.
So world, B would like to recommend to you THE iPHONE.
Go buy all of this shit now so I can buy more shit and tell you about it.
OH, and as always…please tell me about any shit that I don’t know about that I need for this age. WORD to your bird.