What my holes have taught me about being a mom

Post image for What my holes have taught me about being a mom

 

Welcome to Week of Holes part II. Week of holes I as you’ll remember was a butt load of weeks ago. THAT my friends is how long it takes to get hole appointments to fix your broken  holes.

You may remember my friend Cervix. She is an angry old broad. Turn out her neighbors are just as pissy. I’m not going into much more detail because even I have limits. I guess this is where I draw the hole line. Except by definition a hole is nothing and can’t have lines. That’s how limity my holes actually are. THEY HAVE INVISIBLE LINES.

Hole 1 is my southern most hole and the hole doctor told me that I need some meds to fix up my hole. Here’s the real kicker: I can’t take them until G is done breastfeeding. Now originally my goal was to breastfeed for a year and we’re only a month away from that. However, after the last killmyface cold that he just had, I was hoping to get through flu season and still breastfeed. (breastfeeding gives them super steel germ shields). But then I realized that it’s time. It’s time for me to get a part of my life back and put myself first.

I KNOW.

Those are the words that every mother is afraid to say out loud. Putting yourself before your children gets you immediate worldwide female side eye. We are trained to be the best mothers in the world and if we’re not, at least pretend we are. Especially on your facebook status.

And my situation is this: By putting my health first and taking the hormones that I need to to feel better, I will be a better mother, wife and overall person. No one wants an angry bird in their house and certainly not an angry vagina. And being a good mother comes in a butt load (i’m going to say butt load a lot now) of forms. Not just how we feed our baby. A really great friend told me that breastfeeding our baby is powerful but mothering is way more powerful. Like super powers powerful. And she’s right.

And this moment, formula feeding mothers, is for you:

In the hippie community (I’m *ALMOST* a real life member) most women breastfeed until the child is ready to wean. There are definitely huge health benefits to prolonged breastfeeding. And you all know by now that I couldn’t give 8 shits what anyone thinks about when, where or how I breastfeed G. But this feeling brewing in my boobs surprised me. I felt a little shame with my decision to wean now. No one made me feel that way, I felt it all on my very own. But I felt like I was going to be judged for putting myself before my baby.

And then I thought: This must be what bottle feeding formula moms feel from us breastfeeders.

And by no fault (for the most part) of the breastfeeders, the shame is just there. Because we’re all afraid of being judged for GASP not being a good mother. So ANY tiny amount of side eye or innocent (not so innocent) comment by either side is really taken to heart and can feel like tiny baby penguin murder in our souls.

And my situation made me think about the billion balls of situations out there that formula moms face and why they choose the bottle over the boob juice. And their situation is their situation. And if it makes them happier, better mothers, hotter bitches, then good for them.

Because I don’t want to be judged and I will not judge anyone else.

We’re all doing the best we can here and no one really knows what the F they’re doing anyway. So I’m going to say it again. We need to support each other as women and moms. Because men are too busy staring at their penises or something.

Tomorrow I get my northern holes fixed.

Cavities.

I’m sure I’ll develop some enlightening realization about the ethics of molars tomorrow.

No. No I won’t.

No wars in the comments. I won’t put up with it. I will burn your face down.

Love and Lust,

MODG

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

POSTED IN: breastfeeding,Mom Stuff,Sharing,You think you know but you have no idea

{ 228 comments }

Rachel @ Running Backwards in High Heels November 2, 2011 at 9:03 pm

My oldest stopped wanting to breastfed at 11 months and I was hell bent that I didn’t come that far to get the side eye from my breastfeeding nazi of a sister so I pumped milk and gave it to her. Towards the end, I mixed the breast milk with whole milk.

jen November 2, 2011 at 9:03 pm

word. sister. word.

good luck with the holes.

Julie November 2, 2011 at 9:05 pm

I had first, a terrible experience with breastfeeding (abcess and hospitilazation) and second, a wonderful experience with breastfeeding (15+months of pure joy), and I loved your post. It is all good….do the best you can with what you have been dealt!

DeBo November 2, 2011 at 9:06 pm

Almost all meds are safe to take while nursing. Except for like, chemo and certain psych meds. Find a hippie who has a copy of “Medications and Mother’s Milk” by Thomas Hale and look up the med they want to give you.

This info is only offered if perhaps you are interested in continuing your breastfeeding relationship. If you do not want to continue nursing your babe please ignore the first two sentences.

*hippiehugs*
Oh and PS. I took special vag hormones while nursing and it wasn’t an issue. My vag was happy and my babies were happy. Win, win.

Elisa November 2, 2011 at 9:14 pm

Yes, definitely look it up first. Doctors are dumb about nursing and medications. Kellymom.com has a list of safe medications. However, like DeBo said, if it’s time to quit, one year is Wonderful and a lot better than most people do. And once he is a year old, you don’t have to give him formula if you don’t want to. May I suggest almond milk?

Rosie November 2, 2011 at 9:19 pm

Agreed, please check other sources if you haven’t already! Doctors tend to err on the side of caution – if a medication’s effects on breastmilk haven’t been studied extensively, they automatically suggest you wean before beginning said medication. If you don’t want to wean, definitely find someone with a copy of Hales and check out the info! Heck, there might even be someone on here who can help you out…

MODG November 2, 2011 at 9:20 pm

Thanks ladies…I will look into this.

Rachael November 3, 2011 at 2:28 am

Not to be a downer but erring on the side of caution isn’t always a bad thing. For years they said it was okay to take certain antidepressants while pregnant and if you watch as much TV as I do you’ve noticed… it’s no longer okay. In fact there is a lawsuit because some precious babies have been having major “side effects” in the form of birth defects due to these meds.

Just 2 cents from a very over cautious and paranoid mum.

Al November 3, 2011 at 11:17 am

Even better: google “lactmed.” Most up-to-date and contains even small studies: it’s from the NIH. Few doctors even know to look there. Of course, as above, it’s a decision about more than just the meds. It’s your body too. Best of luck. -Al (hippie family doctor)

Vanessa November 2, 2011 at 9:22 pm

You can also call Dr. Hale’s people directly if you want! As I understand it, if your problem is particularly rare, Dr. Hale will personally call back. (806)-352-2519.

Rei November 3, 2011 at 10:22 am

Check http://www.infantrisk.org too.
Good luck with all your holes.

Jane November 2, 2011 at 10:25 pm

What vag hormones? I think my vag is in need.

Pickle November 3, 2011 at 11:47 am

You can actually look up Mother’s Milk on Amazon and then click “search inside” for whatever med you’re curious about! It has come in handy for me many times!

Christina W. November 2, 2011 at 9:07 pm

I think whatever you have to do to make you a better mom, then do it. I felt that same sort of shame when my daughter just cut down on her nursing at 13 months, I was hoping for 18…but she just stopped, and it wasn’t traumatic or anything like that, but I still felt like my nursing friends would totally side eye me, like I encouraged the weaning or something. There is always pressure from other moms, but who cares…they aren’t mothering YOUR child. You do what’s best for you and your baby. And hey, that sadness will take a while to go away…but in the end you gave him a wonderful gift for as long as you could :)

I'llSleepWhenThey'reGrown November 2, 2011 at 11:29 pm

Mine self-weaned at 13 mo, too. There was a lot of biting and finally I decided I wanted my nips to stay on my body. G will be fine, you will be happy to have your body back, and your nips won’t have to go through the torture of tiny razor sharp teeth telling you that he’s DONE ALREADY QUIT PUTTING THOSE THINGS IN MY FACE.

Teresa (Embracing the Spectrum) November 2, 2011 at 9:08 pm

Oh geez…I hope the hormones work for you!

I must be tired, though, I was having a hard time with all the holes.

DM's Mommy November 2, 2011 at 9:11 pm

I breastfed #1 for nearly 5 months straight and then formula/breast for 2 more months before my body said, hell no, and I had to switch straight to formula. I did both b/c my body just wasn’t producing enough. I seriously had a baby who wanted to eat more than just little old me could produce. Same with #2 only I didn’t get to 7 months. By 4-5 months, with pumping, I was 0nly producing 2-4 oz. a day total. I couldn’t get anymore out and my boobs were hurting! I breastfed for several reasons but the main one was cost: it was free and I was poor! Breastfeeding was something I wanted to do, and even if I only lasted a day/hour/minute/week/etc., I wanted to try it but as I told my SIL: it’s your choice and no one else’s. If you choose to not do it then you don’t do it and if you choose to do it then you do it. No one but you knows what you, your body, your baby is going through and no one can decide but you. I commend you for going as long as you did and honestly, I wish I could’ve, but like you said: we’re all doing the best we can here.

C's Mommy November 3, 2011 at 10:51 am

I had almost the same exact experience. I was never much of a producer but I made it to 5 1/2 months before I stopped. I probably could’ve gone a little bit longer but I REALLY didn’t want to make it a frustrating experience for either one of us. I wish I could still breast feed (baby is 9 mo now) and I’m still very envious of women that still can for 12 + months but you’re right, we’re all doing the best we can.

Anna November 3, 2011 at 8:07 pm

Same for me. My son turned 6 months today and he is only nursing once a day. I figure we will keep this up as long as he’s interested but he gets pretty pissed when I try to BF any other time of day other than first thing in the morning. MODG, love this post as much as your BF post that made you famous. So nice to see true evolution of thought and realize that nothing about parenting is as sure or concrete as we want it to be.

julie s. November 2, 2011 at 9:12 pm

I feel better now about sitting around wondering when I can stop breastfeeding (although a huge part of me doesn’t want to stop for the simple, selfish reason that I’m afraid I’ll get fat when I stop). Also, I’m totally re-posting that little status pic because it made me laugh really hard.

Janina November 2, 2011 at 9:12 pm

I breasted until my daughter bit my nipple really hard and laughed about it when I screamed I pain. She was a out 9 months old. My sister in law breastfed her first son until he was THREE YEARS OLD. Bottom line is: both of our kids are totally normal, healthy and smart as hell. And we are awesome moms. Period.

You have to take care of you too. Fix your holes and slap a bitch who gives you side eye.

Word to your holes.

Gail November 2, 2011 at 9:13 pm

I ditto Jen. Totally.

KatieB November 2, 2011 at 9:13 pm

I went to the dentist today and found out I have a cavity and have to get a filling. First one since I was 8. I also found out a week ago that I am pregnant. Could the two be connected? My journey of holes commences….

Renee November 2, 2011 at 11:02 pm

Yes! They can totally be connected. I read that sometimes when you are pregnant you can have more dental problems – I don’t understand why exactly, but I think it has something to do with all of your cavity fighting powers and emotional stability powers and ability to stay awake powers all being tapped out to grow a baby :)

KiwiBunnz November 2, 2011 at 11:16 pm

I think it has something to do with bubs thiefing a lot of your calcium? but don’t quote me on that. My wallet is too scared to go back to the dentist since I gave birth.

k November 3, 2011 at 12:27 am

I heard it was because your gums can get swollen, leaving bigger holes around your teeth for food/plaque to get into?

Lauren November 3, 2011 at 2:44 pm

That was one of my first clues that I was preggers. I passed out after the novacaine at the dentist. Got my BFP just days later.

KatieB November 3, 2011 at 11:12 pm

My dentist told me it’s been brewing for awhile, and it’s cuz I have such deep crevasses in my molars. They just now could see it….but this is my 3rd pregnancy in a year, my first 2 were miscarriages :( So maybe my teeth are like “That’s it. We’re pulling all the calcium out.”

demi November 2, 2011 at 9:13 pm

I love this post more than anything. Seriously. I breastfed my youngest (she’s now 3) until 7 months. She was a total “bottle-snob” only the boob, and that was it. And I was fine with that….until I would try to have a date with the hubby or something. That was my only “complaint” as a mom. So one day, we decided to buy the shit out of fake nipples and bottles. She rejected all of them. UNTIL. until she found one particular bottle/nipple combo that she sucked it dry. And demanded more! I had not pumped any more because I didn’t think she’d take it. So I offered my boob. She turned away in ABSOLUTE DISGUST becaust maybe she realized it was easier to get it from a bottle (lazy baby). ?? From that point on-she was on formula. SHE WEANED MEEEE!!! How eff’d is that?! I wasn’t totally ready for that sudden rejection. I was devastated. But soon realized, hey, wow. I can actually do stuff now. That I couldn’t do before. BUT I still caught ALOT of slack from other breastfeeder mom’s saying sly things like “oh honey you just didn’t try hard enough” or “my baby is still nursing like a champ at 13 months!” ugh. This goes to show you how each side deals with guilt in some way-like we aren’t doing enough as mom’s when in fact-we are doing what is best for us and our babies. Period. You’ll be fine. <3

BlueRidge8 November 2, 2011 at 9:17 pm

I had* to stop boobfeeding my daughter at around 6 months.

*by had, I mean that my supply was taking a hit after returning to work and I was getting the sads living my life on a permanent 3-hour cycle. I supplemented for awhile but finally threw in the towel and switched exclusively to formula. And you know what? It was the right decision for our family. My daughter gained more weight (I had skim boobmilk) and I got off the cycle. I was thankful for the time I was able to provide for her – but am also thankful for the more happy-mom I got to be after we were done. Stick with your gut, or hole or whatever.

Jane November 2, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Congrats on breastfeeding so long! It a hella of a journey and no easy feat. You have every right to be proud of yourself. Hope you feel better. :-)

Vanessa November 2, 2011 at 9:19 pm

No one should side eye you! I figure as long as you (not you personally, like the world you) don’t side-eye me when I have to whip a boob out in public because my baby now laughs and flips the nursing cover I used to use off of his head, then we’re cool. I’m planning on starting to wean down at a year, probably wrapping up around 18 months, but I’m down with formula-feeding moms and breastfeeding-till-5 moms. We’re all in the same mom boat, after all.

Meg Smith November 2, 2011 at 9:20 pm

My “baby” is almost two and still nursing. Any weaning tips you have will be much appreciated! And good lucky with the cavities. I’ve been avoiding my dentist for far too long…

Liz November 2, 2011 at 9:21 pm

So… a friend pointed me to this b/c I’ve decided to give my babeh formula. She’s 6 months & has some growing issues, eating issues, throwing up issues.. which gives me stress issues… YOU GET IT! She’s 6 months, 1 week, 2 days & my goal was 6 months. That being said… I am wishy washy in the emotional department w/ my decision. My head knows what’s best.. .my bewbs point to my baby. And holy crap.. it hurts. Okay.. so I have this FB conversation w/ a family member who tells me how “GIVING UP” isn’t the option & that I’m “GIVING UP” to easily… blah blah blah!

MY POINT?!?!? THANK YOU FOR THIS POST!

Laura November 2, 2011 at 10:33 pm

Right there with you- I had twin girls two months premature and had to pump exclusively until they matured enough to breastfeed. Except I’ve always had supply issues. So I gave what I could and then supplemented. I was ok with this. But then one of my daughters continued to have severe reflux and suck/swallow issues. And then didn’t gain for three weeks. And it was suggested my breastmilk might have less calories than needed. Even adding formula to my BM didn’t help her gain. So then I decided to pump and give it to sister- except stress caused me to make even less- as in, only 8-10 ounces a day when pumping for 3 1/2 hours total a day! Bottom line- I gave this all I had- NICU pumping for two months, two more months at home, three bouts of thrush… every hippie recommendation to boost supply. None worked. At the end of the day, the guilt is crushing, but I have to make peace with knowing I truly tried to give what I could as long as I could. SO YES, THANK YOU FOR THIS POST!!!

Claire November 2, 2011 at 9:24 pm

My son’s a month younger than yours. I did it a few months ago, and I haven’t been burned at the stake yet. Your boobz aren’t going to feel great, but you will survive (Gloria).

Krista November 2, 2011 at 9:26 pm

I had to switch to formula after a WAR with myself to continue breastfeeding (http://countingdowntildaddy.com/2011/08/31/me-v-my-boobs-and-my-boobs-are-winning/). After trying everything I gave in, and felt horrible about it. I felt like I was getting side eye when buying formula and I think it might have been because I was a little judgey of moms who choose to formula feed from the get go. I didn’t want anyone to think I was ‘one of those moms.’ It was a valuable lesson.

Every mom needs to make decisions that make her life healthier/more enjoyable/bearable. Whether it is weaning so that you can take medication you need, or making them cry in their crib for just ten more minutes while you finish watching American Horror Story from last week and shove a Reeses peanut butter cup in your face (or whatever Halloween candy you prefer) they’ll survive and you’ll be happier.

Michelle November 2, 2011 at 9:27 pm

Definitely get a Hales lookup! I’ve had that happen a lot where my doc told me to pump & dump and I investigated further and found out it wasn’t necessary.

They will look it up for you if you post a query here too:
http://forums.ivillage.com/t5/Breastfeeding-Support-Ask-the/ct-p/iv-ppbreastfeed

H's mom November 2, 2011 at 9:28 pm

People are so emotionally charged about what you put in your baby’s piehole. When someone does something stupid in their adult life, do people say “oh, you must have been formula fed, you can’t help it.” NO. Because no one f’ing cares at that point.

Rachel @ Running Backwards in High Heels November 2, 2011 at 10:07 pm

Sadly.. my sister DOES say that. But, lactation is her job. It makes me sads for her as a person.

MODG November 3, 2011 at 9:36 am

you know what? I know someone who was breastfed until she was like 5 and she’s a MORON

demi November 3, 2011 at 10:40 am

haaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

Colleen November 3, 2011 at 10:55 am

I love this comment.

Jess November 3, 2011 at 12:24 pm

I equate bottle/boob fed to private/public school. I know failures of both. What a waste of time and money.

Jess November 3, 2011 at 12:25 pm

***I mean on those adults that it didn’t work for. Private school and nursing ARE NOT A WASTE OF TIME!

H's mom November 3, 2011 at 10:58 am

Rachel, your sister prob needs to be slapped. You can tell her it’s from me. Women are judgy enough without having to feel guilty because a lactation professional tells them so.

I was formula fed, and I am pretty much the smartest person ever. TRUTH

Kate November 4, 2011 at 12:47 pm

If lactation is her job I hope she doesn’t bring that judgey bullshit to work with her. Not the way to encourage breastfeeding: “Do it our your kid will be stupid”. Geez.

Andrea November 2, 2011 at 9:32 pm

First, you rock for doing shit your way. Each mom needs to raise her baby her own way. With my first, I had an emergency c-section and really weird complications afterwards that left me unable to move for several hours. I didn’t breast feed. With my second, I did. Each woman and each child is different. We as women need to stop comparing ourselves to each other and just do what feels right. There is too much competition and it leaves behind feelings of inadequacy, negativity, and failure.

Megan November 2, 2011 at 9:33 pm

I heart this post so much! BOTH of my boys were super duper allergic to my boobie juice…and the stink eye I got was crazypants!!! Anyhoo, they are 4 & 7 now, but I still loved reading this blog sista.

Alexandria November 2, 2011 at 9:34 pm

If you let your southern hole problem go it could eat away at the rest of you-maybe figuratively (I think the verdict is still out on if vaginas can grow teeth) & literally. If this happens you certainly can’t be a super powerful mom, so you have to do what you have to do. My son self weaned at 8 months, I almost stuck my head in the oven because I felt so blue, but it’s all good now.

I agree with some others said about looking more into the medication, maybe there is a hippie alternative you can take so you can keep nursing.

Sabrina November 2, 2011 at 9:38 pm

FYI ….. don’t spend your money on plain Earth’s Best, if that’s the formula you’re gonna give your babs. The Walmart brand organic (Parent’s Choice) is Earth’s Best in a generic-ass can. Seriously. They are canned in the same facility and have the exact same nutritional values and ingredients (except EB refers to its corn syrup solids as glucose solids, or something like that ….. same thing, in case it wasn’t clear). Unless hippie moms can’t shop at Walmart …

Meg November 2, 2011 at 10:25 pm

I thought Earth’s Best was certified organic? That kind I had used was & thus, not comparable like you stated.

Sabrina November 2, 2011 at 10:39 pm

The Walmart stuff says certified organic on the label but it is also certified organic because IT IS THE SAME EXACT POWDER as Earth’s Best. In a different can. In case that wasn’t clear.

MODG November 3, 2011 at 9:37 am

I’m not doing formula
and you are right, hippies do not shop at walmart. We shop at the farm.

demi November 3, 2011 at 10:42 am

we shop alot at our “farm” and we actually gave our baby goats milk for a couple months while weaning to straight up food. they say it’s very similar to breastmilk. idk. just an idea I guess! xo

Laura November 2, 2011 at 9:39 pm

After my 6.5 mo resident bottle snob sucked down a 4.5 oz bottle the other day (her dad always offers when I’m gone, and she’s always refused…until NOW), I have to say, I’m really thinking about calling it. She’s always been a tough feed, and is, as a result, skinny and I worry so much and count wet diapers. And now? Now she wallers around off my boob and is strong enough to push herself away, leaving me sore and stuck trying again 90 mins later. The night waking, too, because she won’t eat good? Ugh. I’ve totally just mommyjacked you but THE POINT IS that you are right and G does not know he is not 1 year old and…thanks. I deserve some major formula-mom side-eye, too, as snotty as I am.

Steph November 2, 2011 at 9:46 pm

Thanks for the shout-out to formula feeders. I did EVERYTHING to breastfeed, but my baby was starving. I had a lactation hippie, I had doctors, I had medications, I had herbs and couple times, I even drank a beer like my MIL suggested. I made no milk and it was terrible. Talk about feeling like a failure of a mother. I had to seriously, and I mean REALLY, convince myself that my baby wouldn’t be a developmental failure and that I wouldn’t be sent to Hell over it. Because I got side-eye everywhere. So, thanks MODG.

Christine November 2, 2011 at 10:56 pm

Ditto. My son had a terrible latch, I had low supply to start, and the combo was a disastrous first month where we tried EVERYTHING to keep up with the breastfeeding exclusively and in the end nearly sacrificed my and my husband’s sanity. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made and I cried nearly nonstop for a week leading up to the decision. Lots of guilt and questions over whether I was doing the right thing and my “womanhood”. But then I had to remind myself that everyone has their battle and some have more than others. I got pregnant by my husband pretty much breathing on me and was able to pop out my baby in under 10 hours with no drugs or assistance. Just lucked out. But breastfeeding didn’t happen for me. In the end I realized that being a good mother trumps everything. Sanity and peace of mind is essential to being a good mother; breastfeeding is not.

Morgan November 2, 2011 at 9:46 pm

You and G faced so many obstacles and yet you continued to breastfeed. Most women (myself included) would have gone the bottle route long ago. You are my breatfedding hero and have given me courage to try again with baby #2 … whenever that may be…. Despite my horrible experince w #1. Anyone gives you side eye tell em to suck it.

By the way… Love the use of Photoshop on the facebook post!

MODG November 3, 2011 at 9:38 am

This makes me happy Morgan

Abby November 2, 2011 at 9:47 pm

I appreciate and agree with this post. A happy mother is the best thing for G. That’s what I keep telling myself about the choices I make with my little one.

Jill November 2, 2011 at 9:47 pm

First of all – you are awesome. You make me laugh & you say all the things about breastfeeding that need to be said to the haters of the world. With that said, I have a 24 month old who isstillbreastfeeding and Iamreadytobedone, but he CLEARLY isn’t. I always saw myself nursing until the beautiful age of 2…..and then he would just be done. Ummmmm, that isn’t happening….MY PLAN ISN’T WORKING!!!? Now I have a boob-loving (adorable, healthy, happy) monster, and I am very happy we have made it this far. All my hippie breast-feeding group friends are warning me about weaning before flu/cold season. And so we might just have to continue. I for sure am a closet-nurser…. he is only nursing morning, nap and night and NEVER in public now – for fear of the judging eyes of others…. ugh. I am proud/mildly embarrassed (depending on who I am talking to).
Anyway, my doc wanted to put me on some meds for a girl issue too, and she said “you will just have to stop breastfeeding while you are on it”. I’m like uhhhhhhhmmmm it doesn’t work that way…. SO if you are wanting to still breastfeed, for sure do your own research on the meds. It’s in the doc’s best interest (AKA not wanting to get sued) to tell you it isn’t compatible. Especially since G is not surviving on breast milk alone at this point, it is worth some investigation.
Whatever you decide, cheers to you. Thank you for being so effing funny that my husband always wants to know what I am reading :)

Amy November 2, 2011 at 9:48 pm

It must be a generation issue. I have 3 kids,my first one at 24 the last one at 40. Nobody not friends,family,doctors,nurses, NOBODY has ever cared,commented or had an opinion on whether I breast fed or formula fed. I can’t believe there is even an issue with this. FYI, I chose formula and have the 3 healthiest kids of anybody I know!!

Erica November 2, 2011 at 9:48 pm

I’m so there with you about supporting one another. I was lucky to not have to work with my first and tried so so hard th breastfeed her but she would not take. With my son I was working full time right up until I went in labor at work and didn’t have the availability or support to breastfeed him. I got the side eyes all around…..good luck to you! You deserve it!

Domesticated Gal November 2, 2011 at 9:55 pm

We weaned at 11months, straight to whole milk since it was so close. He was really just comfort feeding by that point. Which makes sense since he was already eating enough real food to show up on our grocery bill.

P. November 2, 2011 at 9:59 pm

So glad to see this, MODG! I have gone from nursing, to giving my almost-5 month old daughter pumped breastmilk (she became “lazy” on my breast and prefers bottles now, unfortch), while also supplementing as necessary — I’ve had a low milk supply since major complications at delivery — and have always had this kind of sad “quitting is giving up” mentality about weaning. This post was just what I needed to remind me that my little girl benefits the most when I am the best version of myself, and when the day comes that pumping exclusively becomes too much, it will be ok to stop. My wonderful lactation consultant told me the other day, “Don’t be too hard on yourself. You can’t work harder at this than than she is.” I thought that was great advice and it really put things in perspective for me. Good luck — G. will be wonderful and brilliant and madly in love with your cat no matter what you do, so explore your options and do what you feel is best for you and your sweet family!

Danielle November 2, 2011 at 10:03 pm

This is a great post! You might appreciate this… We moms need to stand by each other! http://www.npr.org/blogs/babyproject/2011/08/26/139974665/parenthood-got-you-down-youre-not-alone

betty November 2, 2011 at 10:17 pm

“their situation is their situation” — WORD to your mom on that one. i had to start Baby on the formula when I went back to work at 16 weeks. I absolutely admire all the moms who BF for a year and would have loved to have been able to nurse her for longer. But I work over an hour away from home and my hours can be long. I felt a certain amount of regret, but no guilt. I had to return to work and my baby needed to be fed. So for us, there simply was no choice.

colleen November 2, 2011 at 10:18 pm

best title to a post ever. my mom started being a better mother when she put herself first sometimes. and it was much more awesome for me growing up. your friend is right. boob milk is great and all, being a better mother is where it’s truly at, though. go modg!

Anne November 2, 2011 at 10:22 pm

I once told another breastfeeding mom who was thinking of stopping: breastfeeding is something great you do for your child, but it CERTAINLY isn’t the only great thing you can or will do for them. And you will feel guilty no matter when you stop. So breastfeed if you want for as long as it is enjoyable for BOTH of you, (which for me and my 2 now-weaned kids, has been around 7 months) then move on, and realize you are good mom no matter what. Unless you are a shitty mom, then breastfeeding isn’t really your issue.

Mere November 2, 2011 at 10:38 pm

Girlfriend, start on the weaning research now! Because (for some) it takes time and Jedi mind tricks to get these boober monsters to wean (without lots of screaming and crying). My 16 m. old is a nurser, but her supply has been greatly diminished buy her impending sibling. So while we haven’t weaned we have dealt with some tears about “no mum mum” time.
However, I have read in a couple LLL books that if you’re going to wean quickly, then before 14 and 15 months is easier because they forget more quickly and transition more easily.
Research the switch straight to rice/almond/goat/whole/soy milk. We do a combination in our house, as not to hurt her belly with a switch to whole. As a fellow hippie mom, there as lots of ingredients in formula. And while they may be needed by little babies, 11 monthers are probably not in need of these.

Good luck!

MODG November 3, 2011 at 9:40 am

We’re not doing formula Mere. He’s on a mix of goat’s milk and breastmilk in a cup right now. Thanks for the advice though

Mere November 3, 2011 at 10:48 am

Yaa.
My G wouldn’t take any milks when her boobers dried up. Ya for your G! Drink up, little man.

Keep those ducts happy and let them go slow! no mastitis as a final farewell!

Jess November 3, 2011 at 12:23 pm

I’m so glad you get to skip the formula. It smells like shit when mixed. My doc said to start my little man on whole milk at 11 months if I wanted to stop with formula.

And I wish there weren’t so much judgy bullshit about boob fed or bottle fed. My milk dried up due to my congestive heart failure caused by the pregnancy and when people got all judgy, I just pulled out that card to make them feel bad. It worked every time.

Carla November 2, 2011 at 10:44 pm

A.fucking.men.

Meg November 2, 2011 at 10:46 pm

To all the moms who tried & couldn’t, you did try! That effort is amazing! And to others who did just once to x amount of months/years, every drop is an amazing thing you did for your child. And for those who didn’t do either, you’re still caring for your child & you’re doing other amazing things.

It’s funny, when I was in the hospital with my 1st, who turns 2 tomorrow, my mom was telling the lactation consultant that she felt guilty that she only breastfed for 6 weeks. That’s 27 years later & she was still feeling the breastfeeding guilt. I reassured her what she did do was great.

I feel a lot of people are uneducated on the benefits to both mother & baby & that’s sad. But it’s really sad that we doubt ourselves to such an extent. If we love, care & provide for our children, why must we be so hard on ourselves?

Renee November 2, 2011 at 11:06 pm

Thank you MODG. That’s all I really want to say. One of my favorite posts. Thanks for keeping it real and seeing all perspectives on the sitch. Your blog has seriously helped me transition into mommy-hood and keep smiling even when I couldn’t nurse after month 3. Thank God for good friends who support you even if your holes don’t function ideally, ha. Helps me get through all the side-eye moments.

KiwiBunnz November 2, 2011 at 11:30 pm

I am still BF my son who is 2 in December, but I’m sure I’m doing it for totally selfish reasons. It’s a fast way to shut him up in public… yes I find having my boobs on display less stressful than a crying, screaming, running around toddler (I’m in New Zealand, I don’t think it is such a big deal over here… we have a lot of farms… I guess people know that is how babies feed), like someone else said, it keeps me thin (I have joked that I’ll still be bf him when he’s 21 if it means I’m still a size 10 – which is smaller here than the US) and I suck at remembering snacks for him, so I can be a slack mummy guilt-free if I have my boobs with me – which I generally do, it seems :-) Besides, weaning just seems like so much hassle – how would I get him to sleep?

On the other hand, I found this bf lark easy peasy, my family had a culture of bf so I guess I just figured I would do it and I did. I know it isn’t plain sailing for every mother and I know it isn’t always physical barriors that are easily explained that make people choose bottle feeding and so I would never judge.

One year is amazing – 1 day is amazing – formula is great. I think so long as you are actually feeding your baby you can put a big tick in the “Good Mum (or Mom if you insist)” Box :-)

MODG November 3, 2011 at 9:42 am

TAKE ME TO NEW ZEALAND.

KiwiBunnz November 3, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Haha… you are welcome anytime! Just wanted to add that around 18 mths people started telling me it must be time to STOP bfing… really, you can’t win! So do what you need to and your kid will love you :-)

Susan November 2, 2011 at 11:36 pm

OK MODG….I’ve just turned 56 and I read your blog because you make me laff. If you believe in the “older and wiser” theory…here goes. My oldest is 31. She was born in 1980 and Lamaze and breastfeeding were the norm. I breastfed her for about a year and a half. It was a gradual progression. The more solids and juice she ate, the less milk I had. It seemed like the process just made sense. I was a little stir crazy with my second. At about 6 months (I was a sahm.), I started giving her cereal and juice w/breastfeeding just as naps and bedtime. Of course….my milk started drying up. I was a little sad, but not so much.

Here’s the thing….there will ALWAYS be the side eyes. I know you are an independent, problem-solving woman. Do what feels right to you and tell any naysayers to go to H*LL! BTW….My kids are great adult friends with me and healthy as horses.

Love you and your wonderful take on life. Keep writing!

MODG November 3, 2011 at 9:42 am

Susan,
I actually thought less people breastfed in 1980 and more people went the formula route…no? My friends and I were all born in 1980 and were mostly all formula fed

Christen November 3, 2011 at 10:33 am

I will say I was born in the early 80′s and was breastfed for a year. And my mom totally did the whole Lamaze thing too. This was also in California (land of the hippies) so perhaps that explains it all.

Carrie November 3, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Myself and several of my friends and family, who were all born in the early 80′s, were breastfed for a year…or at least until the biting started.

Pickle November 3, 2011 at 11:53 am

I was born in 1978 and formula fed. I don’ t think it was the norm at all, from what I’ve been told and from the small percentage of peers that were breastfed.

Vanessa November 3, 2011 at 7:33 pm

As I understand it, if you were an average hippie, it was Lamaze and breastfeeding for a short time. Hardcore hippies were in the LLL and did child-led weaning. My mom gave birth au naturel with me and my brother in 1978 and 1983 respectively, breastfed us both for about 2 months, then transitioned to formula. She was surprised by my at least a year goal, even though she still wears wooden clogs.

Skooks November 3, 2011 at 11:28 pm

I was born around then and was breastfed for about a year. Not sure if that was normal or whatever . . . my mom was definitely not a hippie, but she breastfed all 3 of us for about that long. When I asked her about it (when I became a mom) she said, “Why wouldn’t I?”

Now I wonder how many of my friends were formula vs breast fed . . . not that it matters . . .

I'llSleepWhenThey'reGrown November 2, 2011 at 11:39 pm

A little FYI on the weening: your boobs will hurt. It took me 3 weeks to get going nursing without any engorgement pain, and it took the same amount of time to get back to normal in the end. Don’t bother with cabbage leaves, there are Nuk hot/cold relief packs that are perfectly shaped for stuffing in a bra. The heat was great for unclogging milk ducts, and the cold helps with the non-stop engorgement pain. I did a step-down based on my overproducing boobs – I went down from I don’t know how many times a day (6? No clue. Been too long) to once in the morning to feel like a person and once at night to be able to sleep on my stomach and not leak everywhere. Then two or three days later I went down to once a day. Then I just quit. Still had to wear the pads in my bras and if I wanted to I could squeeze some out. But I could tell the supply was going way down. It’s not bad to even quit cold turkey, but if you’re leaking and uncomfortable, it won’t set you back by emptying your boobs enough to get by. Good luck!

Nickle November 2, 2011 at 11:47 pm

My middle child breast fed for two and a half years. And now, at age eight, she’s kind of an asshole, so there.

MJ November 3, 2011 at 9:39 am

Love this.

MODG November 3, 2011 at 9:43 am

BAAAH

Tara November 3, 2011 at 10:39 am

Weaning was the hardest part for me too. Oh the pain. I weaned my son at about 14 months and he couldn’t have cared less, but my boobs, THEY WERE ANGRY. I’m sure you’ll have a good post on how this goes….Good Luck!

Stephanie November 3, 2011 at 12:01 am

I had to stop breastfeeding when my daughter was 8 months because we found out I had an autoimmune disease [that would kill me in a maximum of two years if not treated] and the the treatments weren’t compatible with breastfeeding. I felt awful, but at the same time, a healthy mommy is more important. If we don’t take care of our issues just to breastfeed, that can definitely lead to resentment and nothing good. We did the best we could and I feel like as long as our children are being FED, then we’re fine. As far as I’m concerned, if a child is being fed well and thriving, it’s nobody’s business whether it’s from the breast of a bottle.

MODG November 3, 2011 at 9:43 am

These are exactly the situations that I’m talking about. We have no idea what moms are going through behind the scenes

Courtney November 3, 2011 at 12:24 am

Reading this makes me feel bad about all the side-eying that we mothers do. We can be such bitches to each other, mmkay. I’m breastfeeding my 3 month old and my goal has always been 6 months — if I could make it that long. I had lots of pain BFing in the first 11 weeks; vasospasm, etc. But suddenly at the 12 week mark it got supes easy and pain free and now it’s a totally enjoyable experience. I go back to work next week and fear that pumping will reduce my supply. I have this girl’s trip in January that I originally thought I would no longer be BFing and now I think I will — but how do I do 4-day weekend pumping exclusively and DUMPING (OMG it’s liquid gold!). Point is that we all have diff situations as to why we wean or don’t BF to begin with. I attended a breastfeeding class when I was preggo and the teacher told us that if you only end up BFing for like a month — that’s better than nothing. If you try and it doesn’t work, hey, you tried! In the end, you do what’s best for your fam and that’s all that matters. And at 11 months of breastfeeding, don’t worry about side eye — you did it for 11 MONTHS! That’s forever in my book!!

Brandi November 3, 2011 at 9:36 pm

In my opinion don’t pump and dump unless you are uncomfortable from the engorgement or feel uncomfortable that there may be alcohol in the bm. If the alcohol is out of your blood then it will be out of your milk. There are test strips to test for the alcohol in the milk but I’ve never used them.

Danielle November 3, 2011 at 11:11 pm

FYI. To keep your supply you will need to pump as often as your baby is eating while your gone. And either deal with TSA(you can carry on breast milk in larger quantities than other liquids) or dump it. Ugh, the thought of dumping all that work…eek! Been bfing 11 months and am starting to wean the pump at work…yippee!!!

Stephanie@MyThornsHaveRoses November 3, 2011 at 12:35 am

I’m going to second Carla on this one.

Alex November 3, 2011 at 12:40 am

I am adopted and, as such, was bottlefed. I hate to think that someone judged my mom when I was a tot just because she physically was unable to breastfeed. As someone sans kids, all I can do is offer my support because it sucks that someone would judge you regarding this issue. And I’ll admit I get uncomfortable with breastfeeding in public, and I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help it.

MODG November 3, 2011 at 9:44 am

That’s ok Alex. Lot’s of people do. BUT remember this…the more people that breastfeed in public, the more used to it the public will get. And that’s better for everyone

Bryna November 3, 2011 at 1:31 am

It seems a new mom law should be instated where instead of judging we CONGRATULATE one another for making it another day without killing our kid and/or our spouse and/or ourself. Being a mom is no joke, hard work. The internal judgment we put on ourselves is plenty, thankyouverymuch.

And yes, weaning hurts like a mother. Maybe it`s the female equivalent to blue balls?

Katie E. November 3, 2011 at 1:34 am

Brace yourself my hippie and hippie loving friends! I have a non-confession: I breastfed for one week. Yes, one week. With BOTH of my boys. With both I also had a fun choice of being healthy, and able to take care of my newborns, or very, very ill. Baby M. (my second spawn) had some additional digestive issues. So we ended up on formula. I cried for days. My husband had to hide everything breastfeeding related because I would burst into tears every time I saw it. He was also taking care of the baby because I was still ill. And since that wasn’t quite enough fun and chaos, I had an allergic reaction to one of my meds, and got sicker! For three weeks I felt like I had a Bourbon Street hangover, and been hit in the fun box with a hammer (couldn’t take ANYTHING for pain after the 2nd day after birth). And then my husband had to go back to work and worked for 40 days in a row.

Did I mention that M. screamed all day every day? He was also pooping blood. Scary times and lots of doctor visits. Thankfully my pediatrician is married to my OB/GYN so I didn’t have to explain why the baby was on formula, she just helped us search for a solution. After 2 months of touring the formula world, M was on formula that ran us close to $40 every 2 days. I not only got the side eye from other mommies, but the “oh, don’t you think it would be cheaper….” It sucked so much. The day I totally freaked out was on the 40th day straight the hubs was working , I had slept approximately 15 minutes the night before, and I was picking up the baby’s prescriptions at the pharmacy, and a well meaning (read nosy) person with a baby got smug about breastfeeding. She fed me the line about it making babies smarter (my oldest was formula’d and is fine) So I totally spazzed and called her a heartless bitch because she wanted me to feed my baby poison. In my teary rage I also told her that if intelligence was such a problem then she should breed up, because obviously she wasn’t contributing.

Moral of the story is, as long as you are feeding your baby, you are doing great; and some people will think they could do it better. Tell them to shut their mouths. There will always be people who breastfed longer than you. But here’s a secret no one tells you during the whole milk wars period of your life, by the time they are 5 and in school it doesn’t matter. I can’t point to a child and say, “oh, well of course this child has been breastfed”. So give G formula for this one month of his life, put him to bed early and drink one to many margaritas with your husband. All will be well.

MODG November 3, 2011 at 9:46 am

ugh people are idiots and ignorant. Lesson to all: You don’t know why someone chooses a path that they choose.

S November 3, 2011 at 2:30 am

i’ve been bottle feeding my 10week old since birth. i tried to breastfeed the night he was born but i had a breast reduction for health reasons several years before i had him so i never even produced any milk. I really appreciate your post because all the other moms at baby yoga always look at me like i’m a shitty mom when i dont just whip out a boob at the drop of a hat…if only they thought about how much extra thought, packing, cost and time went into bottlefeeding and the reasons why some women choose not to breastfeed. also, breastfeeding moms out there, please don’t tell me that my baby is still so small because i bottlefeed–all people, even babies, are different shapes and sizes and no one cares but moms who are trying to feel superior. i know i am a good mom because my baby is happy and healthy and so am i. thanks for letting me bitch on your blog wall thing.

MODG November 3, 2011 at 9:47 am

ps.
I wish G was small. his waist rivals his dad’s waist and NO cute pants fit him.
thank you.

Ann November 3, 2011 at 10:47 am

totally unrelated to breastfeeding, but my baby had a huge waist as a baby – at 6 months we bought her “convertible” pants from Baby Gap that had buttons that rolled the legs up into capri length pants which actually fit her as regular length pants. Does that make sense? It was the best thing ever! here’san example since they are not in stores right now http://www.ebay.com/itm/Gymboree-boys-size-2T-orange-convertible-pants-/150685791444?pt=US_Baby_Toddler_Boys_Clothes&hash=item231592b4d4

Emily D. November 3, 2011 at 10:57 am

I make big babies…both my girls (4 years and 6 months) can not wear jeans–they can’t bend their legs! Although my 4 year old is slimming down–but if the jeans don’t stretch, she can’t wear them! I secretly wish for small babies sometimes.

Steph November 3, 2011 at 7:58 pm

My Henry is 10 months old. He wears size 3 T. But not jeans, those are too small. I’m forever shortening his pants. Seriously, the kid is 33 lbs. Also, he’s vegetarian. Also, I’m the mom who never ever buys ho-hos or twinkies. So, he just grew this big because that’s the size he’s supposed to be. People are FOREVER talking to me about it. Shut up, strangers. He’s just big.

Katie E. November 3, 2011 at 11:31 am

Both my kids are extremely tall. My oldest is also extremely skinny (think stork). My youngest is just huge, but not fat. Genetics plays a role in baby size as well. I am glad my angst could ease yours a bit. Thanks MODG for letting me post my novella. The important thing is to support each other, whether we are tits in or tits out.

Vanessa November 3, 2011 at 7:37 pm

The hippie moms at baby yoga might not be judging you! I sometimes watch when I see moms mix up formula even though I’m a boob-feeder because it’s kind of like doing science in front of me and I know not about their strange ways. I’m sure some are side-eyeing, but you can just pretend they’re all interested in chemistry.

Katie November 3, 2011 at 8:52 pm

Some twat in a supermarket asked me if my then 3 month old (EBF) baby girl was a preemie (I delivered at 41 weeks). Pretty much everywhere we’ve gone for the past year, when people ask how old my one year old is, their first response is “She’s so small”. JUDGE. I can feel them telling me it’s because I breastfeed (I’m starving her), so don’t sweat it. It’s not about formula or breastmilk or any other shit we shove down their throats to keep them alive, in the words of her pediatrician…”PEOPLE ARE JUST ASSHOLES”.

hegsy November 3, 2011 at 5:56 am

Nickle’s comment FTW.

Steph November 3, 2011 at 7:55 am

Good for you! You have to do what is right for you and your son. No one can make that decision for you. Anyone that tells you you are wrong or whatever tell them you will consider their opinion with the grain of salt that it deserves.

sandra November 3, 2011 at 7:58 am

Well alrighty then. I am all for keeping all holes well and in good working order. If not, there are those few that will actually close up. It is the truth. Sandra

Anna November 3, 2011 at 8:01 am

I’m going to represent from the hippie side. Even though I hate goddam hippies – which may explain the partial self-loathing. I’ve never understood why people give a shit about any other child but their own when it comes to parenting.

I have had plenty of side-eye and downright rude comments from women in feeding rooms when breastfeeding my daughter. It started when she was about 10 months old and has deteriorated ever since (she’s 26mths now). People seem to think it is ok to be rude about it the same way it is ‘ok’ to be racist if the person is white. I’ve had; “Oh MY GOD, I’ll NEVER feed my kid THAT long” – good for you now fuck off, “Don’t you think it’s time to stop?” – stop what? feeding my child? can you do that?, “You know they don’t need it when they’re that big” – um yeah, try telling her that…and go take another look at the research. “Maybe she wouldn’t be so small if you fed her right” – FUCK OFF AND DIE BITCH. etc. etc. etc. Then there are the negative questions; Doesn’t she bite? no. Don’t you get sick of it? sometimes, but it can also be my favourite part of the day. Don’t you want your life back? ummm…what life? There is nothing I did before breastfeeding that I can’t do now. blah blah blah blah blah. So yeah. Rant over. Just remember that breastfeeding mums have insecurities and feelings too and we aren’t all sitting in judgement of our fellow mothers. Most of the time we are just sitting staring in your direction wondering why you seem to be so fucking organised when we aren’t sure we made it out the door with both tits on.

MODG November 3, 2011 at 9:50 am

I understand Anna, I do. But I have represented the breastfeeding side of things on this blog many many times and I felt like the bottlefeeders were due their post. The moral is that we shouldn’t judge on either side. Just remember that we as breastfeeders live a whole different weird world that lots of formula moms just don’t understand or experience and vice versa (I have no idea how to make a bottle and would probably ask if they put coffee creamer in it or something equally stupid). But try to be tolerant of stupid questions and if you get some side eye, try to be cool. and represent.

Brandi November 3, 2011 at 9:40 pm

Loves those questions and your responses! I get told by my family members “you are milking this bf’ing thing!” because I won’t let my 10 month old stay overnight with anyone. It’s not just about bf’ing, what if he doesn’t want to stay with them?

Gus November 3, 2011 at 8:25 am

Thank you for this! I have a 7 week old and didn’t produce enough milk to nurse and felt like the hitler of moms for not being able to breastfeed….especially because it was probably due to complications from my breast reduction surgery 6 years ago. Side note-feel free to hate me for needing smaller boobs, it happens all the time. I read your blog all the time and busted my husband checking it out on a regular basis too….which means I should probably stop being lazy and become a follower and not just a stalker…

Anyway, thank you again!

Katrina November 3, 2011 at 8:28 am

No milk= formula baby! You have to do what is right for you! Talk to the pediatrician about what to give short stuff, we started a lot of things early, like baby food because my short stuff was so healthy and eating like a teenager (8-10 8 oz bottles just during the day @ 4 months). Costco formula works great!

MODG November 3, 2011 at 9:51 am

I juuust want to put it out there that there is an option for low milk supply. I have a good friend who breastfeeds, but also mixes breastmilk into food for her baby AND takes donated milk. If you want to, you can. But I give her credit….it’s dedication for real.

Steph November 3, 2011 at 8:05 pm

Plus, when you’re going through low (or “no,” in my case) milk supply, no one tells you about milk donation, and NOTHING gets to you fast enough to make your baby stop screaming. It will be a huge step forward for mothers if donation milk and human milk prescriptions grow in popularity. By the time I was knowledgeable about this stuff, my baby was used to formula.

MODG November 3, 2011 at 8:10 pm

consider this my plug for the website humanmilkforhumanbabies.com
it’s an amazing source for women with low or no supply.

Rachael November 4, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Here are the sites for getting donated milk:

http://www.hm4hb.net
http://www.facebook.com/hm4hb

I’ve met some amazing women through this network.

Lluvia November 3, 2011 at 8:34 am

“And their situation is their situation”

AMEN!!!!!!!!

Judgmental a-holes will always find something to judge you on, so might as well do what YOU feel is right for you and G.

Good luck with weaning! :-)

erin w November 3, 2011 at 8:49 am

get a second opinion on the meds while breastfeeding, or don’t. do what you want to do. I breastfed my little man for 8 months till I got a wicked infection in my northern holes. this required some sort of compound (mix of steroids, antibiotics and antifungal). it was at this point that I said no. stop. I also wanted my life back, as selfish as that may sound. I wanted to be a happier mom/wife/etc…that was my decision though. who knows, you probably can transition straight to cow’s milk at this point, so technically no formula ever…

either way, decide what is right for you and get down with your bad self. word.

Stacy November 3, 2011 at 9:23 am

I hope you haven’t taken the tags off that new expensive bra yet…….maybe you could exchange it when your milk production stops. But it took my northern holes weeks to get the idea they don’t need to do that anymore. I thought if you stopped breastfeeding for a day they shriveled. Not so much.

Great job on your goal. All things considered you really would have reached it if your holes would have cooperated. It’s important that mom is healthy too.

mommylisa November 3, 2011 at 9:24 am

I breastfed boo boo for twenty-two months and pushed her out in 20 minutes after five hours of labor and no pain medication. Hippies wish they were me…except! It took three years of medical intervention (and a miscarriage) for me to have my baby. I cried and felt bad for three years, so I always tell people who are in awe of the first two facts that you cannot GO BY what has happened for other mothers. We are ALL unique and should be proud of what we do every day. No judging.

Stef November 3, 2011 at 9:56 am

I’m totally a day behind on my MODG reading but fantastic post today! I think the obstacles you and G have gone through make your journey even more motivational. While each of us has our own struggles no one really wants to talk about them and your courage to say “WAIT ONE GD MINUTE. THIS SHIT ISN’T EASY” gives the rest of us courage to talk about it too. The best part – you give amazing recommendations and ideas to try. I know for #2 I’ll be using a lot of the information you’ve posted. G is one lucky baby!

G's Mom (Not your G... My G....) November 3, 2011 at 10:17 am

I’m in a similar position, MODG. I gave birth to my daughter, G, 4 weeks ago and have had a consistent UTI and bladder infection. None of the “BF Safe” meds are working and the docs are telling me that unless I want to spend the rest of my life peeing razor blades I will have to put her on formula and take a different antibiotic. I feel like the world’s worst mom for putting myself first, but the blood and the razors have to stop. Happy healthy mommy, happy healthy baby. Seriously. I am going to pump and dump while I am on the antibiotic so that she can go back to my good stuff once I’m finished, but I still felt super guilty about the 7 days of formula. I’m stupid. It’s healthy, she will be healthy, I will be healthy – everyone will be happy. Honestly, you shouldn’t worry about putting yourself first sometimes, it’s not the end of the world.

JR November 3, 2011 at 10:05 pm

Can you pump for a few days to get some yummy breastmilk stored up for her before switching to the other antibiotic? You can try pumping one side at the same time that you nurse on the other – I know it sounds crazy and I never thought I could do it, but my doula recommended it and it helped me keep my milk supply up when I went back to work. In fact, I kind of have an oversupply now and am donating a bunch of milk to a mothers’ milk bank.

G's Mom November 4, 2011 at 8:50 am

Yup, that’s what I have been trying to do for the past few days. My babe takes 4 or 5 ounces at each feeding (pig) and each boob only gives 2 – ounces per pump, so it is a challenge….

mariam November 3, 2011 at 10:26 am

Why do women battle other women? Aren’t we all on the same side? Breastfeeding/bottle feeding, in public/in private, public school/private school, spanking/no spanking etc… each family is different, each child is different, and each mom is different. We are all on the same side – raising our children according to their needs and what is best for that particular child and for us.. yet the “mommy wars” never end! We should have each others backs instead of crucifying each other for the decisions we make. We should support each other instead of attack each other.. no more mommy wars! This has been going through my mind since the public/private BF post…

Hope your hole gets fixed, MODG!

Christina November 3, 2011 at 10:28 am

I love this. And I commend you for taking to a public forum to remind people that no one can ever know someone else’s situation.
I wanted to breastfeed. Badly. But my little love was a vacuum birth wich severely bruised the side of his head causing pain when he tried to suck, so he was syringe fed in the hospital for a day. Then, we thought he was feeding fine but his blood sugar went critical. That scared me to death, so after that I decided to exclusively pump. But I wasn’t producing enough yet, so I supplemented. Unfortunately, I never produced enough and always had to supplement. I went from feeding 4/3 of his bottles with BM to only 1 bottle per day. I did this for 6 weeks. I was miserable. My husband didn’t understand why I would make myself miserable when I was already having to supplement. And poor baby was miserable, but we didn’t know why yet. My husband talked me out of the guilt and I switched to all formula, but saved about 8 ounces of BM for use with homemade baby food this winter during flu season in hopes I can give him an immunity kick.
Turns out, my child has MSPI, milk soy protein intollerance, and severe reflux. I would have had to do a serious elimination diet, much like the ones you did. My OB and J’s ped told me that as I already had diminishing supply, an elimination diet would have likely dried me up within days.
So now we are on one of the world’s most expensive formulas, but my child is happy finally. That is worth it to me. And I have been lucky. I haven’t been the recipient of anyone’s side eye or rude comment yet. Unfortunately, I still side-eye myself because I haven’t completely gotten over the guilt. I need to get over that.
I can honestly say I don’t remember judging anyone for formula feeding before. I was adopted and a child of the 80′s so I am pretty sure I was the poster child for formula. But I have friends who have been judged. I know people who have been lectured in public by comeplete strangers about breast is best, etc. I know that these people mean well, and I know FF moms can be just as guilty and judgmental, but we just don’t know the situation. It could be medical, or it could be completely by choice. The fact is, they are feeding their child, and that is really what matters.

Katie E. November 3, 2011 at 11:39 am

If you are on NEOCATE, they have an assistance program. You have to apply for other assistance first, and get rejected, and then apply to them, but another MSPI parent I know got it. I didn’t, because apparently the NEOCATE people don’t understand the tax structure for small business owners. It is worth a shot. Also, sometimes you can buy it cheaper on eBAY. People who have WIC will auction off what they don’t need. Oh, and we were able to put baby M. on a different formula at 8 months that was much cheaper. Hold onto hope!

Christina November 3, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Thank you! I will look into this! We do ok on Alimentum, but much better on the elemental formulas.

Mercedes November 3, 2011 at 10:36 am

Well said! I love you now more than ever… In a less creepy, statuesque way than it came off.

Erin November 3, 2011 at 10:43 am

Totally understand where you’re coming from…

Here’s the thing though. I’m not attacking AT ALL because lord knows I love me some snark. But why does anyone saying anything on FB or anywhere have to be judgey or mean? I feel like I lost a friend awhile ago because she felt like I was being all supermom “at” her. I wasn’t and honestly never thought a bit about her in posting about things I did with my kids. I think we all as women internalize everything in our worlds to an unreal degree. If someone ever does say something directly to you about such a hugely personal decision, then blast away. I just wouldn’t want you to feel badly about your choices because someone else in a totally different context remarks that they quit at two or three, or posts an article about extended breastfeeding. I can’t say a damn thing online anymore without someone thinking I’m judging or being snarky or thinking I’m better than them. I guarantee 99.9% of your readers have been there or feared being there, so if they offer any advice to help, then that’s why. No judgment. Of course, all of us should respect you just making the announcement of your choice without offering admittedly unsolicited advice. :D

I put myself first at my son’s 2.5 year point and felt just as guilty but secretly glad as you likely are…I was pregnant with my second and hurt like a mofo every time he latched. And when two weeks later he ended up in the hospital with a rare blood issue, I writhed with guilt every day. A lot of women’s sharing needs to just be taken at face value…we are all mothers, we all walk a different road and the only goal is happy healthy children, amirite?

Long winded way of saying, “let’s all give each other a break on 1) thinking others are judging and 2) actually going snarktastic on others. And you go on with your bad self.”

Christina November 3, 2011 at 12:59 pm

I think you are probably on to something. Personally, I know I have taken offense to innocent things people have said or posted that have zero to do with me, but i take it as judgment.
Where do we learn that? I need to figure out how to teach the opposite if I ever havea daughter.

Leslie November 3, 2011 at 6:55 pm

yes, I agree. I know that I have no personal judgments toward anyone for using formula…. it’s a personal decision and none of my gd business. but I DO have many very serious judgments about those systemic flaws that contribute to the failure of many women who really WANT to breastfeed to succeed… but, it’s hard to express that without it coming across as judgey to those women, themselves. know what I mean? HOW do we resolve this tension so that we are all sticking up for each other… I honestly don’t know. Loved this post though, and the comments have been very interesting and informative too!

DR November 6, 2011 at 11:21 am

I think the moral of the story is to just not give advice unless someone asks for it. In these conversations, women focus on our *intent* instead of our impact. Even if your intent is good, you’re still responsible for repairing the impact if it was negative.

Sarah November 3, 2011 at 10:55 am

Let me know if you need any coupons for formula. Some otherworldly force out there decided that my husband and I are expecting, and our mailbox is now crammed full of coupons from Similac and Enfamil on like a daily basis. I don’t know if someone is playing a cruel trick on me or if I just signed up for something that got me on some Mommy mailing list, but it’s a little insulting to get formula samples and coupons when you can’t even get your husband to watch that damn Google commercial where the Daddy writes emails to his Asian daughter….much less get him to procreate on purpose. (By the way, the Asian Daddy in that commercial is hot — like hotter than my own Hapa husband, You Tube it.)

Laura November 3, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Um, I would PAY you for formula coupons! My twin girls are on the preterm extra calorie formula after arriving 8 weeks early not gaining properly on my breastmilk (I had supply issues also). We go through a can every day and a half since I weaned a week ago, and that shit ain’t cheap. We buy up the whole shelf at the grocery since they don’t stock as much of it. Do I sound desperate enough or what? Ha.

Melissa November 3, 2011 at 10:55 am

I can for real relate to the whole weaning deal, I never wanted to bf my son as long as I did however 2 1/2 years he nursed he didn’t wanna give it up at all! so I went away for a night and boom bada bing.. he was done nursing! yay I thought I can be me but I just felt horrid! I have no idea why then just then I had my body back doing happy dances and BOOM I’m preggo again w/ a lil girl! I was excited yea but I was tired and thought I really needed a break as it came time to have her I was hell bent on nursing and pumping and being super mom and working… so I took an extra extended maternity leave but after 5 1/2 weeks my lil girl was like crazy lady I dont want ur boobs no more, and I cried for weeks on end because I felt like a horrible mom for not nursing her longer but she didnt want it and it upset us both so now shes on the bottle and doing very well I assume I just didnt have enough milk to sustain her but I always thou0ght plp who went w/ the bottle was selfish n used excuses i can honestly appologize and say now u understand n feel horrid 4 saying things bout bottle feeders we’re still mommies changin poop n pee n having no sleep so either way we’re all good moms n we shouldnt feel guilty we’re doin the best we can and even if that means putting you first you gotta be in your best health in order to be the best mom you can be!

Laura D November 3, 2011 at 10:58 am

A little off topic, but want to know about the goat milk/breastmilk combo. My 14 month old was breastfed for 11 months. then formula(GASP…wink), and now whole milk….and he’s been CHRONICALLY constipated since off the boob milk. i know you’re not a Dr….blah blah blah….and i’m also a wanna-be hippie. Need some hippie “milk” wisdom!

MODG November 3, 2011 at 7:56 pm

Goat’s milk is closest to human milk. I’ve heard that raw is best. But at least do organic if you can. G seems to love it

ashlie November 3, 2011 at 10:47 pm

I add probiotics to my daughter’s whole milk (we use Udo’s Choice Super Toddler brand). Just a little in each bottle seems to keep her regular and with a happy tummy. We struggled with a lot of gas issues, ear infections, sleep problems – all kinds of stuff. But probiotics and remedies from our homeopath seem to be really straightening her up!

LL November 3, 2011 at 11:15 am

hooray and all that good stuff but (a) i think we kinda needs to know what’s going on with your hole (for selfish reasons obviously) and (b) where do you get goat’s milk? they sell that at whole foods? you going to switch to cow’s milk next month or is it goat or nothing?

MODG November 3, 2011 at 7:57 pm

I have vestibulitis. If you really want to know, google it.
Goat’s milk IS sold at whole foods but I think we’re going to get it from our local farm. I’m not down with the cow

LL November 3, 2011 at 8:57 pm

word.

lalochezia November 3, 2011 at 10:40 pm

in regards to meds for your hole, not sure what ur gyn wants to put you on but have you tried topical T? local stuff should be good to go for breastfeeeding…

Megs November 3, 2011 at 11:23 am

I have a good friend who is a super hippie, but was unable to breastfeed-she just didn’t produce any milk. She tried for months, gave herself mastitis several times, pumped until her nipples nearly fell off. Her lactation consultant finally told her she needed to quit. This wasn’t a crackpot LC either, we both work at, and are patients at, a world famous medical facility. The LCs here have a reputation for being breastfeeding nazis. And they were telling her to quit. Because she was going nuts, and had nothing to show for it. She was devastated, and hated to buy formula. She hid it under a bunch of other items in her shopping cart for fear of the side eye from other moms. But her son is healthy, growing beautifully and she is sane. So everyone wins.

So my point…let’s not judge anyone about what they feed their babies. Let’s save our judgement for those people who don’t feed their babies at all.

Echoing everyone else when I say, thanks for this post. And cheers to happy holes!

Pickle November 3, 2011 at 11:45 am

Love you, MODG.

I was so proud of the fact that my daughter had only worn cloth at 18 months old. Then we bought some disposables to go on a cruise and all the sudden it hit me, “Who but me gives a flying fuck that she’s never had a disposable on until now? NO ONE.”

All moms are just doing the best they know how and we really shouldn’t judge each other. I’ll try to remember that more often.

MODG November 3, 2011 at 7:57 pm

EXCEPT the baby penguins and the trees. They cared.

AnnieDubs November 3, 2011 at 12:05 pm

Thank you for this! It reminds me of your post on helping G learn to sleep, which totally helped me get through another guilt-ridden showdown between preconceived notions about what’s best for my baby and the reality of what I need to be a sane and healthy mom. (I still think of the awesome signs you hung up in your house when my guy is going through his regular bouts of sleep drama.) My O is 11 mos. too and I’ve been debating this very thing, so greatly appreciate you having the courage to put it all out there. As someone who has “angry boobs,” would LOVE to hear how the process goes for you.

Andrea November 3, 2011 at 12:36 pm

Number of kids I have: Two. Number of times my boobs have ever been in either of their mouths: Zero. Number of times I have felt guilty over not ever breastfeeding: Zero. Number of other things I have felt guilty about during my time as their mother: Hundreds, and this is a low number only because they aren’t that old. Point is, we are moms, and for some reason we have guilt over not being enough, not doing enough, not giving enough to our children. But all they need is for us to be “enough.” They love us with their whole beings even though we are imperfect. Now take that with you while you get your holes fixed.

nmk November 3, 2011 at 12:36 pm

Four days ago I had a meltdown, hyperventilating, calling my mom sobbing because I thought I was a horrible mom. My eight month old had surgery nine days ago, the surgery went well, but for seven long days we had to hold C down in order to double diaper him and prevent him from pulling a tube out of his man parts. The screams that came out of my kid were horrendous and I felt like the worst mother on the face of the earth for putting him through this, even though rational me knew that it would all be fine and he wouldn’t remember any of it. Between vicodin and boobs, I’m pretty sure C wasn’t in any pain. I had several moments of “I want my body back, I’m sick of having a baby on my boob”, he lived on the boob for pretty much the whole week. The tube came out two days ago and life is getting back to normal. I’m still kinda sick of nursing, but I’m flat out too lazy/cheap to stop right now.
I think mom guilt is sometimes worse than Irish/Catholic guilt…all in all I think I have the guilt trifecta going on.
In other topics, I went to the dentist yesterday, looking forward to some nitrous, but my nose holes were plugged and the nitrous didn’t work….and in two weeks I get to go back for a redo on a crown and cavity fixing…annoyed, but I’m gonna make sure my nose holes are clear so that I can take a nap!!

MODG November 3, 2011 at 7:59 pm

ugh I feel for you. I would have died.
also I get no nitrous at my dentist. That is criminal

nmk November 4, 2011 at 5:08 pm

No nitrous is for reals criminal…I chose my dentist b/c the brochure said “complimentary nitrous” and who could go wrong with that, add in a massage chair and a good playlist and life is good…unless your nose holes are clogged!!

Bekkah November 3, 2011 at 1:17 pm

This was very kumbaya of you, MODG. Who knew getting your lady hole fixed would help you bring peace and understanding to the mommy wars. ;)

MODG November 3, 2011 at 7:59 pm

I’m so peaceful and loving.

That’s what i tell all the assholes

MrsDzo November 3, 2011 at 1:33 pm

I know you’re getting a lot of love today on the post, but I’m compelled to echo it myself. I’ve had a rough couple of weeks feeling like a selfish mom for wanting to go enjoy things for myself lately which of course started the judge machine in my head – which is worse than whatever anyone else can throw at me.

This just brought back the perspective I so needed.

Thanks.

Jena November 3, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Love the post, love the sentiment. I’ve been toying with the idea of weaning, Baby E just turned 7 months….seems that he’s been toying with the idea too because he just doesn’t seem to love it as much as he used to. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only mom out there struggling with the decision.

P.S. Can you put a “like” button on people’s comments? There were, like, 20 that I wanted to “like” but not necessarily reply to….. :) Oh Facebook, how you have changed my brain patterns.

MODG November 3, 2011 at 8:00 pm

I wish I could. I tried to hire Mark Zuckerberg but he was all, I’m a little busy and a huge dick.

Krista November 3, 2011 at 9:25 pm

I’ve thought the same thing so many times. Every time I read something I like, I’m like, “where’s the button to let everyone know how much I ‘liked’ this?”

Meghan November 3, 2011 at 2:06 pm

I don’t always comment, but I DO always read. I cried through all your public-breastfeeding posts because I would give ANYTHING for people to give me the side-eye for BF’ing in public. I tried for 5 weeks to breastfeed my daughter. I slept for 3 hours a night because I had to feed her every 2 hours since I wasn’t producing enough milk. I supplemented with the tiny tube and my husband had to wake up every 2 hours with me to help because Baby A is a squirmer and I couldn’t do the tube, the boob, and hold the baby at the same time, and they give you tape, but that’s a JOKE, ha. When I wasn’t nursing, I was pumping and it HURT because I wasn’t making milk and I would cry because that was my baby’s FOOD and right off the bat I was failing her because I couldn’t feed her. Finally, after 5 weeks of this, and no sleep, and randomly crying from exhaustion, and guzzling water, lactation appointments, fenugreek, oatmeal, and the Rx (Can’t remember the name, but it made my PPD MUCH MUCH worse – feeling-like-suicide-worse – and I took it anyway to try to keep breastfeeding), my husband finally said “Babe, STOP. You will be a better mom if you just stop and give her formula and love her and just stop. Because you’re killing yourself trying to nurse.” And then, like another commenter, Hubs had to hide ALL traces of breastfeeding equipment or I would have a breakdown upon spotting it.

I guess I wanted to throw my story in with the rest, because I also cried reading this post and these comments, and I cried that you would write something for us formula-feeders even though you could so successfully and wonderfully breastfeed so by all rights you didn’t have to write this, and I cried because I DO feel shame and my cheeks always burn bright red when I notice a woman watching me fix a bottle in Starbucks, wondering whether she is thinking that I am a lazy mom or a bad mom or a selfish mom. And then I whisper to myself that it doesn’t matter what she thinks, because I tried and tried and TRIED, and if she knew, she wouldn’t stare.

So thanks. You make me LOLZ and you make me BOOHOOZ. You’re like my shrink, but cheaper and prettier and skinnier. Also? Good luck with your holes. I HATE the dentist, and I think I would hate the Hole #1 doctor even more, so you’re braver than me!! XO

MODG November 3, 2011 at 8:01 pm

This comment totally broke my heart. Thanks for sharing your story. I know a few women who used a supplementer and those bitches are no joke. GOOD FOR YOU for trying so hard. You deserve 90 medals made of diamonds.
I will think of THIS story every time I’m tempted to judge.

Katrina November 3, 2011 at 10:09 pm

My husband did the same thing, I lasted a little over a week, but between bleeding and crying, something had to give. To make matters worse, I was a maternity support services social worker… No milk, just blood= formula baby.

Brandi November 3, 2011 at 9:51 pm

I see women heating up bottles at Starbucks and I give them the side eye thinking I’m jealous of their freedom! I never think they are horrible mom’s for feeding formula…if that’s any comfort.

DirtyD November 4, 2011 at 2:14 am

Meghan,
I feel for you. I tried it all too (oatmeal, fenugreek, tea, pumping my boobs off, the syringe and tubing) and was able to get to 16 weeks before I decided to give up nursing altogether but I had to supplement with formula almost from week 1. My babe was born tongue tied leading to an excruciating latch and nipple shields for me. The hospital did a little snip on her frenulum but it wasn’t enough and didn’t help. I spent the next two days nursing and nursing her but she never seemed content. At her first pediatrician appt, we found out she wasn’t getting enough and lost 13% of her birth weight. I cried my eyes out, feeling like I starved my baby. I was sent home to pump every 2 hrs and start supplementing with formula. We ended up in the ER the next night (because she didn’t have enough wet diapers), where luckily a tongue-tie expert and amazing lactation consultant happened to be on call. They performed a second snip and amazingly, latching didn’t hurt anymore…but now she didn’t want to nurse because bottles were so much easier. So I pumped and pumped and gave her the little I made in one bottle and the rest in formula in another bottle. MODG, I remember you saying how BF’ing is awesome for lazy people and feeling so jealous because just giving her what little milk I could on top of making bottles was so much work for me!
Finally, at my last ditch appt with an LC, she magically began nursing and loved it! But our ship had sailed at that point and my milk just never came in. I don’t know if it would have anyway or the nipple shields and early supplementing were the problem. We had a really nice month or 2 where she would probably get an ounce or 2 from me at each feeding and then got her bottle. I treasured each time she nursed after all that work. Then it just started to dry up despite more nursing on her part, and she got annoyed with it again.
I feel really proud of each day I gave her even a little breastmilk and I’m definitely going to try again next time with a lot of lessons learned. The LC, friends, and my mom (who did not continue to try to breastfeed me after it didn’t really work well for her) all said what an amazing job I did but I still feel like I failed. (And it does feel like an innocent comment about someone else breastfeeding is like a little stab in the heart.)
The other thing that hurts is on the GD formula label they say “remember, doctors agree that breastmilk is best” …. no s$#t sherlock! Sorry for the TLDR novel but it feels good to write about it – even if I am crying a little remembering it all. MODG, be really proud of 11 months – it’s more amazing than you know!

Emily November 4, 2011 at 4:34 am

You deserve some serious golden stars for every ounce (literally) of effort you took.

Emily November 4, 2011 at 12:15 pm

DirtyD,
I seriously needed to read this comment 4 months ago when I went through the same thing with my son! He was born tongue tied, I wanted to bf so badly, and it HURT like a mofo. He lost 11 percent of weight, had no wet diapers the first day we had him at home, and the only reason we didn’t end up in the ER is because my family convinced me that I needed to give him formula, it wouldn’t ruin the bf, and he had a wet diaper after 15 hours dry. At day 7 we had his frenulum snipped, and that made a huge difference, but either my full suply never came in or I had low supply. I, too, bf at every feeding while still supplementing with formula and I thought I wouldn’t make it through because it was so hard! Here we are 4 months later and he is a healthy baby, and I am probably on my last week of trying to bf because he isn’t as interested and I am probably giving him nothing, anyway. Anyway, these comments and MODG’s posts about bf and feeling good about what you are doing for your baby (no matter what it is!) are so helpful about reminding me to be proud of what I have done for my son and know that everyone out there has their own struggles and stories about caring for their kids!

Rachael November 4, 2011 at 12:54 pm

Meghan,

I went through the EXACT same thing, with the tubes and the pumping and everything… what a nightmare. The medication you took was probably Reglan, and depression is known to be a side effect. As if not being able to feed your baby wasn’t depressing enough!!

I will say that after about 6 months of supplementing with formula, a friend told me about a network of women who actually donate their breast milk, called Human Milk 4 Human Babies. I looked into it and decided to give it a try, since in my mind, it was the next best thing to giving my son MY milk. It alleviated a lot of stress and pressure that I put on myself. And I was able to relax. The good news is, I am still nursing. But I know exactly how you feel. It makes me cry to think about it. If you have any more kids, and want to give it another shot at breast feeding, please consider this if you run into the same issues:
http://www.hm4hb.net
http://www.facebook.com/hm4hb

Therese November 3, 2011 at 2:08 pm

Girl, you do what you need to do. Being a loving mother is what counts.

SpontaneousMom November 3, 2011 at 2:10 pm

well said woman. well said. for the moms- mothers- wives- hell to the yea!

Lindsey November 3, 2011 at 2:29 pm

I am sure I might be repeating what other moms have said in one way or another, but since I am at work and can’t spend 30 minutes reading all the comments for fear of being fired, I just skimmed and hopped down her to the bottom.

I agree with the comment I read about “by the time they are five and in school it reall doesn’t matter.” Let’s just say that I was a formula fed baby, my brother a breastfed baby. I made straight A’s all through school. graduated from college Magna Cum Laude, have a successful career, married a great man, have a home, stable and fun life, now with a beautiful baby. My brother is 32, still lives with my parents, has dropped out of every college he went to, never made good grades, has virtually no real friends besides those on Facebook, and has serious depression and bipolar issues. Obviously I am not saying breastfeeding caused this or even played a factor, I am just giving an example to all those Nazi moms out there who think if a child is not breastfed then they are fucked for life.

My 10 month old daughter was born a month early in an emergency c-section and spent the first 2 weeks of her life in the NICU hooked up to feeding tubes, therefore, no breastfeeding. Once off the tubes, she just took better to a bottle and since she desperately needed the nutrition, bottles it was. With stricly pumped milk for 3 months, but then back to work I went and formula came in. She has done beautifully on it and we’ve had no issues- as a matter of fact, my friends with babies get pissed because she is SO happy, has slept through the night since she was 3 months, etc.

So, to all you breastfeeders out there, heed that advice of “you don’t know why someone chose the path they did.”

Rebecca November 3, 2011 at 2:59 pm

I completely understand that there are many reasons why people can’t breastfeed or stop after struggling with it. However, I have a friend who knew the benefits and just decided she didn’t want to, no other reason. Just plain didn’t try at all. I just don;t understand her decision and I’m having a really hard time not mentally judging her. I try not to give her the evil eye and I don’t say anything to her face but it is difficult for me to support her on this. Thoughts?

Lindsey November 3, 2011 at 3:59 pm

You just can’t. Simple as that. No one should judge others unless they are doing something illegal or morally wrong, and let’s face it, choosing not to breastfeed is neither of those things!

Rebecca November 3, 2011 at 4:42 pm

well yes I understand that I shouldn’t be judging, I was just saying that I’m having trouble not.

Christina November 3, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Try thinking this way. Her decision doesn’t have to be your decision. She is making the decision she feels is right for her. Formula is not poison, and her child will suffer no different fate than if it were breastfed.
You know how two people can read the same book, but have entirely different thoughts about it? Or two people can hear someone say the same thing, but take from it two completely different things? Your friend read the research you did, but took away something else. The benefits didn’t outweigh some other idea in your friend’s mind.
Is she asking for your support or just simply asking you not to judge? It sounds like she is perfectly fine with her decision, so I would try not to even think about it.
If she chooses public education over private education, will it matter to you? If she chooses to introduce solids at 6 months or a year, when you started them at say 4 months, will it matter?
Honestly, if she is your friend, she is good people. She isn’t hurting anyone and like what was said above, in 5 years, or even 1 year, will this even matter?

Leslie November 3, 2011 at 6:59 pm

I personally think there is always some amount of bad education or misinformation that goes into a decision like that. People are used to viewing formula as very normal and healthy because it is frequently used and advertised well; and there are a lot of negative stereotypes about breastfeeding and breastfeeding moms. So if I were you I wouldn’t judge the friend. But I would judge the system.

MODG November 3, 2011 at 8:05 pm

I agree with Christina AND Leslie. It’s her call. We have to be cool with it. Your friendship is more important than her decisions and if you are a good friend you’ll support her no matter what.
But Leslie is totally right, our system is F’d. And that is why there was a comment war a few posts back about public breastfeeding. People are sometimes made to feel like it’s dirty, wrong and uncomfortable. Boobs are sexy too and sometimes it’s tough to think about that feeding a baby. Go to Mongolia and it’s booby milk heaven. The good old USA though sells lots of Playboys. I like Playboy but I also want to feed my baby without judgement. Whatever, you see what I’m saying. I’m sort of drunk.

Rebecca November 4, 2011 at 12:06 am

I hadn’t thought about it that way, I think that helps! Thank you to Christina and Leslie!

Kiki November 4, 2011 at 10:15 am

It’s hard not feel judge-y when you have made a choice that you think is smart and solid. But if she respected your decision, you should respect hers. Life can be hard enough without feeling like you are letting some people down. I think the best way to think about is that her decision is in no way saying your decision is wrong. It is just her choice. I think most people get their panties in a bunch when someone expresses an different opinion that contradicts their own. I think that is what is wrong with politics these days — that and overblown political entertainment shows that only try and get you all work up by using inflamatory words to make you hate the otherside. It makes me sick that we can no longer have a civil debate on anything. Someone choosing something different than me does not invalidate either of our points of view. Boy I just got on a soap box! Really hugs and kisses to all the moms out there — breast feeders, bottlefeeders — whatever. Cheers to everyone who loves their kids and making their own choices on how to raise them.

DR November 6, 2011 at 11:27 am

There is judgement in this answer, why would you default to the decision being made as a result of bad education or misinformation?

DR November 6, 2011 at 11:24 am

Just mind your own f’ing business. THIS is the issue, those of you who just “can’t help yourselves”. She’s making the choice that’s right for her and it’s certainly not going to hurt her baby. You’re only the parent to your own children – not hers. Leave it alone and realize it’s your problem, not hers.

Hamsamich November 3, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Modg, Thanks for posting this. It literally made me cry. I’m not a mom yet but I will be soon. I’ve made the VERY difficult decision not to breastfeed my child because I went through a very difficult breast reduction surgery a couple of years ago. Although I can technically breastfeed I decided not to because it would end up causing the same emotional pain my GINORMOUS breasts caused me for most of my life. Ultimately I knew that I would not be a good mother to my child if I constantly felt like shit about myself. However, I’ve already been judged by the few women I have looked to for comfort and my baby is not even here yet. I refuse to believe that choosing my emotional health is going to make me a terrible mother.

Christina November 3, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Choosing your emotional health will make you a good mother.

MODG November 3, 2011 at 8:06 pm

you will be an amazing mother because you care.

DeBo November 3, 2011 at 5:22 pm

This fabulous article from Best for Babes just showed up in my FB newsfeed. I think it’s a perfect complement to the discussion here:

http://www.bestforbabes.org/breastfeeding-failure-is-an-oxymoron

Christina November 4, 2011 at 10:28 am

Thank you for this. I have a good friend who has really been struggling with feeling like a failure. Her birth went so far from plan it still haunts her and BF’ing has been so hard that her doctor has advised her to stop, but she says she feels like a failure all over again. It breaks my heart. She read this article and it made her feel better.

Heidi_Australia November 3, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Wow 143 comments!! I haven’t read them but I’m totally going to add my 2c worth. I’m a midwife and mother – those are my creds. Here’s what I would look into: What KIND of hormones are in the meds that are recommended? You might find that the reason you need to stop feeding G is because these hormones actually STOP milk and therefore you will have an angry G. What wants that?!
You are able to wean from breast to strawcup/sippy cup with whole milk from 1 yr. Here in Australia, you don’t have to go to formula first. So if you have a desire to skip the formula step, here it is. I fed my daughter for 15 mths and she never had a bottle or formula during that time BECAUSE SHE REFUSED. I tried my little heart at but she’s a stubborn one! One morning I stopped the morning bf in favour of a straw and whole milk. She was so excited, I was a little sad, that was the official weaning. Got her onto a straw (as she hates bottles) by having her try dad’s chocolate milk with a straw. It was love at first sip, we’ve never looked back. Good luck!!! Love your blog. It makes me feel normal xx

MODG November 3, 2011 at 8:06 pm

I will double check the meds and I will not do formula. Goats milk.

Erin November 3, 2011 at 5:44 pm

My son fired me after 3 months of breastfeeding! So not my plan. The plan was a year. But I was only producing like an ounce at a time and apparently, he felt the need to eat more :) I think that I may have needed more hippie friends when he was little!

Erin November 3, 2011 at 7:38 pm

This was SO timely. I am in the process of weaning my 10-week-old. Yes WEEKS, not months. I am a homebirthing, cloth-diapering mom who doesn’t love breastfeeding. Gasp! But I’m also a researcher, and the benefits of breastmilk have been grossly overstated, fueled by weak studies, while much larger studies showing no difference btw breast and formula are for some reason ignored. Read Is Breast Really Best for more; it slightly reduces this weird guilt I have. But I want to get drunk on
Mimosas, and sleep thru the night (my baby does but my boobs won’t). And I want to have normal sex and leave for long periods of time and stop wearing spots bras. I’m ready, and my baby will be fine. I think he’ll like seeing his mom tipsy every once and awhile :)

MODG November 3, 2011 at 8:12 pm

Erin, I fully support your decision, but I do have to chime in and say that breastmilk has so many more benefits than you may realize. Just emotional, physical benefits of the act of breastfeeding alone. I support formula feeders and their choices, but that doesn’t mean that I still don’t believe and know that breast milk is scientifically and medically the best option for babies. But as I’ve stated, I will not judge another mom for her decisions for her child. I just have to give the breastfeeders the cred they deserve too. It’s hard work.

erin November 5, 2011 at 10:13 pm

It depends. Some women end up with docs and hippie consutltants that say breast milk is best, others end up with ones that say technolOgy has made formula that far surpasses brea milk. NO ONE can say for sure. NO ONE.

DR November 6, 2011 at 11:29 am

MODG this is actually how the “mommy wars” begin. The absolute declaration that one side has a firmer grasp of the facts than the other.

Jessica November 3, 2011 at 10:19 pm

Hey there MODG. So, since our babies are practically twins (mine was born 12/5/10) pppplease tell me how you’re going to go about this weaning thing. I tried weaning my son at 9 months from breast to bottle but he refused and then I got worried about him getting enough brain food so I had to start breastfeeding and doing extra pumping to build my supply back up. And I was really ready to wear dresses again. Or do you plan to just wean him to formula in a sippy cup?

MODG November 4, 2011 at 3:23 pm

I’m first cutting out any feedings that aren’t around sleep
then I’m cutting out feedings that are after he wakes up
That puts at 3 feedings a day.
He’ll get goats milk with meals (but drinks like 1 sip)

That’s where we are so far

Jana November 6, 2011 at 10:07 am

Are you still nursing G before his naps & bedtime (as part of the sleep routine)? How are you planning to get rid of those? My son is just about the same age & I have no idea how I will transition him out of nursing to wind-down before sleep … Any thoughts would be appreciated!

Jessica November 3, 2011 at 10:21 pm

Wait I just saw that you’re going to try goats milk? What is this all about…I must know!

Amanda November 4, 2011 at 12:23 am

Thank you infinity! I love my baby, for honest, I do. I also know that there are, like, zillions of moms out there who BF their babies until their nipples bled and they didn’t sleep for a hundred years. My son, being my third and probably final child, HATED BFing. I pumped and then fed him for 5 months. FIVE! He got only breastmilk but it caused so much stress that finally I said enough is enough and I stopped. I now feed him hippie semi-approved organic formula but even still I feel guilty. Every day. Every time I see a mom breastfeeding her child I feel like she is judging me. A fellow mom at my church has a son the same age age Charlie and when I told her all of my BFing struggles she was like “My son is a BFing champ, but what you are going through? Fuck that shit”. It made me feel a little better, and so did this post, so thank you.

Krista November 4, 2011 at 11:36 am

If that is an actual quote from a woman at your CHURCH, I love her. I love the sentiment either way.

Amanda November 4, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Yes, actual quote. My church is a little different. For sure not Southern Baptists!

Emily November 4, 2011 at 4:23 am

MODG, you are a golden goddess of perseverance and strength. Your breastfeeding journey has been inspirational, and I look forward to hearing about weaning. I too have crazy female problems that need to be addressed with non breastfeeding friendly meds. But my guilt about weaning has kept me from doing so. So currently I live day to day with awful pain, take as little pain meds as possible and do weekly physical therapy involving a “dilator” while my pelvic floor doc cheers me on (yup. It’s a medical grade vibrator. And yup, it’s super awkward.)
My point is, I give you mad props for this decision. It’s one I can’t bring myself to do out of fear and also because I’m determined to meet my bf goals (and spite my conservative family).
You are supported in this decision do long as you promise to write about it.
Deal?
P.S. Did I mention you’re a golden goddess?

Katherine November 4, 2011 at 11:51 am

Thank you. It took me almost three years to get pregnant, and the same condition that made it hard to get pregnant makes me a low milk producer. Every feeding is a production– I use the supplemental tube then I pump. My two month old gets two bottles from my pumping but it still breaks my heart I can’t totally breastfeed. I actually lied to a woman at Target the other day who asked if I was using formula because I was ashamed and thought she was going to lecture me– it turns out she just wanted to give me Enfamil coupons if I needed them (which would have been great). I guess I feel like others are judging me because I’m still judging myself even though intellectually I know I’m doing my best.

I would love to hear though from your hippie friends other ways to increase production…I’m on already domperidone.

The quote about mothering being even more powerful than breastfeeding is awesome. As a teacher, and now a formula mom, I think that’s true.

MODG November 4, 2011 at 3:24 pm

oatmeal every day
mother’s milk tea
plenty of water

Lin November 4, 2011 at 8:24 pm

mothers milk tea is the shit! you drink that stuff and you start leaking like 5 minutes later. also try fenugreek supplements. my doc told me about it. it’s the dogs tuxedo.

Ashley November 5, 2011 at 7:16 pm

Hahaha! I HAD to laugh when you said fenugreek. I took it with my second and it SERIOUSLY makes you smell like maple syrup. Sweat, pee. EVERYTHING MAPLE! My husband used to laugh that after I used the bathroom it smelled like IHOP in there. He called me Aunt Jemima for weeks! Worked though!

Rachel November 4, 2011 at 6:50 pm

Google “nursing vacation.” I don’t know what your situation is, but if you could fit it in to your schedule, I know it does wonders for your supply. And you get extra lovey-cuddle time too :)

MV November 4, 2011 at 9:54 pm

I used More Milk Plus drops – it’s effing nasty and will burn your mouth, but you should see results in 48 hours (if it’s effective for you). I went from pumping a total of 9 oz a day to 12-13 oz so it wasn’t much of an increase. Dark beer, oatmeal, skin to skin time (this didn’t work with my busy 9 month old) with baby are all other ways to increase production.

Kim November 4, 2011 at 2:12 pm

This is all very nice, and I breastfed for nine months and then used formula, so I love both sides. But I like judging too. I know a woman who got her hair done so she could look pretty for her scheduled c-section (so she wouldn’t disrupt her lovely hole), and then didn’t breastfeed so that the “baby nurse” she hired could take every single night feeding for the first few MONTHS. I judge her. Or maybe I’m jealous.

MODG November 4, 2011 at 3:25 pm

I know it’s SO hard not to judge. And it’s easy to just say “oh i won’t judge” but it’s sort of human to judge. I guess try and keep your judgement in your brain. Just like keeping hands to yourself. Keep your judge to yourself

Leslie November 4, 2011 at 11:24 pm

Or you could just figure the joke’s on her for ending up with disruption of layers and layers of skin and muscle and what not, not to mention a giant scar, just for the sake of avoiding a harmless little hole-stretching. ;)

Erin @ Domestic Adventure November 4, 2011 at 2:52 pm

I so relate to this line: “I felt a little shame with my decision to wean now. No one made me feel that way, I felt it all on my very own.”

My baby weaned himself at about 5 months and I pumped up to 7 times a day to keep up. Eventually, I had to supplement with formula but felt good that he was still getting 3/4 breastmilk. By 10 months I just could not take the pump any more and I pulled the plug. The guilt I felt over the next few days was intense. No one but my husband even knew I stopped pumping, so there was no judging. I just knew that I was putting myself first and I felt bad about that. But, the little guy is still thriving, and I feel so free, so all is well!

katiegalvin02 November 4, 2011 at 3:28 pm

AMEN! I wrote an entire post giving a shout out to formula feeding moms. There is just NO help for them in the beginning (I was one myself). There is no pamplet, or doctor to call like an LC, etc. It’s HARD no matter what.

Lin November 4, 2011 at 8:21 pm

I had gestational hypertension and it wouldn’t go down after birth. I’m talking 167/115 BP. Scary shit. They had me on a lot of BF friendly drugs for my blood pressure and they kept me out of the “danger zone”, basically I wasn’t gonna have a seizure or stroke. I breast fed for just over 2 months and my husband and I decided for me to stop so I could take a more powerful medication. We decided it’s more important for my son to have a mom than to be breastfed. I wish I would have been able to go a full year but you gotta do what you gotta do. I feel you on the hole situation. I gotta have a procedure done on my cervix next month. Luckily they knock my ass out.

Joy November 4, 2011 at 9:41 pm

My second baby is 9 weeks old. My oldest is 20 months and wouldn’t breastfeed because of serious medical issues. I pumped exclusively for her for 5 months (and fed her through a g-tube). And for this baby I SO wanted to breastfeed, but he eats SO MUCH that I was feeding him ALL DAY and ignoring my daughter. So, I’ve been pumping exclusively for him as well. He takes 6 ounces every 2-3 hours, but at least now I can put him on a schedule and know he’s not starving. I just feel guilty because he’s perfectly healthy and I guess could breastfeed, but now that I have him so well adjusted to the bottle and our schedule it’s hard to go back to feeding him constantly because he didn’t get enough in any one sitting. So yes, I’m pumping enough milk to give him 6 ounces every 2-3 hours. But I wonder, how long can I keep that up and it makes me feel SO GUILTY thinking that I would stop too early. Does this make me a lazy mom? Why do I stew in constant guilt about this? You’re right, we’re all just doing the best we can. But everytime I hear of someone else successfully breast feeding their newborn, I feel very sad because apparently I am failing.

Amanda November 5, 2011 at 12:39 am

Joy, you are not failing. I felt the same way. It is super emotional but Jesus Christ on a cross woman, you have a 20 month old and a 2 month old. You deserve a big ass sparkly trophy just for remembering to feed your kids.

MV November 4, 2011 at 9:51 pm

I’m so glad for this post and all of these comments. My daughter started a nursing strike around 8 1/2 months (which was also when my period returned) and it lasted for 5 weeks. Then she was too busy to nurse other than early mornings. I continued to pump, but my supply went to shit. I did everything to help increase it, but I couldn’t keep up with her. She turned 10 months old last Saturday and yesterday we gave her the first organic formula/breast milk combo bottles. I put it off and off and finally got over myself. I was the only one making myself feel shitty about it. So dumb.

ed November 5, 2011 at 12:19 am

I want to try this. Do u warm up the goats milk ? Are there any allergy risks? My baby is Dec. 15.His first word was Gavin right after I told him G’s first word was mama. How do u like that? Well, it was Gaga, more like, but I thought he said Gavin. Now he says it all day long.

Lisa November 5, 2011 at 10:24 am

I breast fed my first for over 4 years. I know I know….But I loved breastfeeding, was super easy, etc.
Had to force him off the boob. He was SOOOO hard to wean. Just craziness.
Then the second for over 2 years (but some of that was tandem with the first! Worst thing ever)
The second weaned naturally when I got pregnant again.
The third “weaned naturally” at 8 months!! But – and I have never told anyone this – secretly I know that he weaned naturally because I was not super on it. I would give him formula here and there and I knew that he would probably wean early if I wasn’t vigilant. I felt a little guilty about that and pretended it was all his idea.

And then I justified it that I had nursed them all on average over for 2 years!!! Because of the first putting in so much time. CRAZY that I had to justify.

But I am SO glad I am not nursing a three year old right now and if I were that would mean I nursed for 8 STRAIGHT YEARS!

And GET THIS the other day we saw a nursing baby and my 8 year old (nursed for 4 years ) asked me if I nursed him! WHAT???? You dont friggin REMEMBER!?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!! Four years Kid! WHAT?????

Megan November 5, 2011 at 12:15 pm

MODG –
Thanks for this. It’s important to know that many women who bottle feed simply have to. I have a 2 week old, and am having a heck of a time extracting ANY milk. Seriously…the most I can pump at a time is 1 ounce and that is certainly not enough to feed my child, so with the advice of my doctor and a lactation consultant, I am forced to supplement. This breaks my heart – and though I’m still giving the breast feeding/pumping a shot, it’s clear that I may not be able to breast feed indefinitely, as my supply just doesn’t seem to be supporting that “choice.”

I feel so much shame and regret about this already, and the side eye is less than helpful (not that I’ve received it much yet…after all, I’ve only been at this gig 2 weeks!). But please know (I think you do) that many women are forced in to the “choice” so that it’s not really a choice at all. :( Thank you again!

Ashley November 5, 2011 at 7:07 pm

Megan- I just saw your post after I commented and feel that you could have been one of the friends that called me at 11pm! The 2 week old mark is one of the toughest. You still feel like its so new but are starting to get back into “normal” life and the day to day. Learning how to reconcile those two things isnt easy. And the hormones! The HORMONES! Two weeks sucks!

Dont let it get to you. Look into your options. I’ve always thought that you just have to MAKE the decision to be ok with whatever you choose. Don’t let it get to you. You’ll find that as your baby gets older, you’ll look back and think “what was I being so dramatic about”. Theres whole new challenges and worries to come. Breastfeeding is just one of many. Enjoy the first few months and be present…Dont worry about the rest.

Cortney November 5, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Have you seen the gyrobowl? It’s like a magical non-spilling bowl for little kids? The infomercial is a mess, but this may end up on your favorite things list.

Natasha November 5, 2011 at 6:07 pm

Depending on the reason you need the hormones, there may be a topical option that would be compatible with breastfeeding. I needed it and I have since talked to lots of friends that would have benefitted from similar treatment but didn’t know it was an option or were too embarrassed to ask about it.

Ashley November 5, 2011 at 7:01 pm

I was the first of my friends to have children. Now I have two boys. Needless to say, Ive been the go to for questions as my friends start falling like dominos and having kids. I had very different experiences with both my boys when it comes to breastfeeding and almost ALL of my girlfriends have made that 11pm call to me asking when I stopped. Everything from 2 week old babies and up. My advice is always the same. Im a proponent of breastfeeding but I feel stronger about healthy happy moms. We go through enough as new moms to add one more thing to feel hormonal about. I support them because they are my friends and no mother should feel judged about their decision to breastfeed or not. I read about your struggles and must admit, I thought you were crazy for sticking it out. Its something I know I wouldnt have had the strength to do myself but I always thought kudos to you! If you can do it and it makes you and your baby happy, Im all for it. Same goes for the moms who made the tough decision to formula feed…for whatever reason they chose.

Lori November 5, 2011 at 7:13 pm

I went through this twice with my first son.

Shame #1: The first time was a week after he was born and I realized we were not going to get breastfeeding to work. Not because I couldn’t, but because the kid and I just didn’t work well together. So that shame led me to pump like a crazy person for 9 months, and supplement with formula.

Shame #2: After a few months of pumping, my milk supply was so low that I took something to boost milk production. I took it for 5 months and started getting weird side effects. Looking it up on the internet, I found out nobody should take it for more than 3 months, because of the weird side effects. I stopped pumping that night.

So at 9 months my son was fully on formula. He’s fine. He’s smart and cute and loves his mommy and daddy and grandma. So all the boobie-nazis can bite me. In the hole. Either one. I will take down those bitches with my cervix if I need to.

{ 1 trackback }

Previous post:

Next post: