I waited 4 months to be the Poopy King. AND NOW IT’S REAL. **UPDATED WITH POOPY KING PICS**

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So you know when you get your J.Crew catalog in the mail and you like stare at it at a rate of 11 seconds per page to fully understand why that totally messy sad girl looks so awesome? Yeah me too. Well, I heard on the internet that the lipstick they use on their sad models was going to be FOR SALE. And then they said the magic words that makes me run to my amex. FOR A LIMITED TIME.

Damn that limited time. I’m always like. I CAN NOT MISS OUT. I’LL REGRET IT FOR 20 YEARS.

So I bought it. Because damnit I’m going to look like a sad model if it kills me.

 

And then I get an email immed from the crew telling me that it will be on backorder now for THREE months. Because apparently the world wants to be a sad jcrew model. So since I totally get that. I said, whatever FINE.

I forget about my new red lipped look for a good month as I have a baby to take care of and I get another email from the big J.

It says this:

Your order is postponed beyond your original postpone date. If you still want it you have to email us and tell us you do. Otherwise, we’re going to go ahead and just cancel it for you. Word to your bird.

Almost exactly that’s what it said.

They were just going to go ahead and cancel that for me. How nice of you J.

But I was on the mother f-ing ball and I replied right quick and said DON’T YOU DARE CANCEL MY LIPS. I NEED THIS FOR MY LIFE.

And what do you know a week later that shit showed up at my door

POOPY KING. IT SAYS POOPY KING! Do you believe it?

.

.

.

.

.

OMG you’re such an idiot. You thought it said poopy king. I’m so embarrassed for you.

It’s POPPY KING. Duh a million.

And guess who went to the actual Jcrew store that day and saw a whole goddamn PILE of Poopy King with no wait list.

And guess who was like, I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ARE SELLING POOPY IN PILES. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I WENT THROUGH TO GET THIS.

And guess who said, OH Amanda well you’re in here all the time. We’ll just have your personal shopper call you next time.

And guess who was like. OMG don’t ever say those words to my husband.

 

AND ALSO GUESS WHO JUST GOT PHOTOSHOP?

You bitches are in so much trouble.

xoxo

THE POOPY KING.

*********UPDATE:

OBVIOUSLY you’d want to see a picture of Poopy King on me.

Obviously this photoshoot happened at 730am in my kitchen.

B doesn’t even ask anymore.

This is my Jcrew sad model face in my Jcrew bandana jeweled watch necklace.

And guess what? I totally figured out how they get the models to look this way

They are JUST looking at cat butts the whole time.

WE ARE ALL SUCH IDIOTS.

POOPY KING LIVES ON.

Poopy King post was brought to you by Birth Day Suit Maternity, which DAMN I wish I found when I was birthing G. I spent so much money on a little ugly nightgown that they had to rip off of me. This is made to make you look awesome during pictures when you spit your baby out of your baby maker. The bright colors will be awesome in pics. Also it’s made to work with IV’s and tubes and things. I really love this idea. Best part. Discount code at their etsy shop: 10% off with code MODGBLOG2011. They are also giving away a free gown on their blog. Go check them out here.

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POSTED IN: Awesome things,Drunk Stuff,Style

{ 45 comments }

Bryn Miller October 26, 2011 at 8:56 pm

You=Hilarious. I mean, we use the term LOL so loosely…like who really LOL’s that much when reading shit. But seriously…I friggin L.O.L. when reading your blog. Holla.

Krista October 26, 2011 at 9:10 pm

You are going to post a pic of you looking all fancy sad in poopy king, right?

modg October 26, 2011 at 9:14 pm

Omg such pressure. ok I will do it. duh

betty October 26, 2011 at 9:44 pm

oh cmon! i was just dyin to see the side-by-side modg reinterpretation of the jcrew photo! asians could never get away with that color (at least not this asian here) so i am curious to see how it turned out for you

julie s. October 27, 2011 at 9:28 am

seriously, I can’t wait to see it.

Krista October 27, 2011 at 10:39 am

Haha that was great. I wish I looked that good when I look at my cat’s butt.

H's mom October 26, 2011 at 9:20 pm

How apropos that poppy king is sponsored by the birth day suit, which is basically a suit you will likely poop on. It’s the circle of liiiiffffe.

Lori October 26, 2011 at 9:56 pm

You. Got. Freakin. Photoshop??????
OMG I can not wait to see the shit that’s comin!!!!

Nina October 27, 2011 at 12:16 pm

Yup!!! L.O.V.E.
This should make for some amazeballs nipplelaser catbutt images…
Can. Not. Wait.

caroline October 26, 2011 at 10:03 pm

I’ve been reading for like 2 years (I’m the creep who wants to polgymarry you and supply twizzlers) and this has got to be one of my all-time favorites.

You are my poopy king, forever and always

Nina October 27, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Omg. Me too! Since day 1! (well… maybe month 1)
Can I invite myself to join this union too?? I can supply the lucky charms marshmallows and sparkles.

Julie October 26, 2011 at 10:31 pm

ooooh, girl, photoshop is hard. or maybe i’m just dumb. i’ve been using it for three years (at work) and still have to google pretty much every time I do something. And what in the pooper scooper is that model doing wearing a bandana and a necklace? If you and B ever have a girl, this is probably how she will accessorize.

Krista October 27, 2011 at 12:51 am

I got photoshop last summer and have yet to successfully use it. I think I need a class or something. The way people always say, “Just photoshop it” or “That is so photoshopped” makes it sound so easy. It’s not.

MODG October 27, 2011 at 10:01 am

banana comment may be my favorite of all time.

Teeny October 26, 2011 at 11:03 pm

I, too, stare at the models in the J.Crew catalogs and wonder how they look so effortlessly amazing… You know what I did and what you gotta do? (Sounds crazy.) Grow out your eyebrows!!! Seriously, I know this sounds sort-of awful and terrifying (especially if you’re like me and were born with caterpillar brows that you started to pluck at 10…), but thicker eyebrows = J.Crew model hotness. I’m serious. Pencil them in, check it out, and get to growing. Trust this.

P.S. Do it before you kill all your follicles and that shit stops growing for good.

Christen October 27, 2011 at 9:30 am

I once had a very unfortunate eyebrow waxing experience in college and the outer half of each eyebrow was waxed off. Only about 30% grew back. I haven’t waxed or plucked my eyebrows in years, and they still look like commas. Sad. If only then I would have appreciated my full, luscious eyebrows…

Anon (but not really) October 28, 2011 at 12:50 am

My SIL is an eyebrow waxer abuser and has total comma eyebrows. Except she waxes off the insides.

And every time I talk to her face to face I can’t STOP LOOKING AT THEM.

COMMA.

krista October 27, 2011 at 12:56 am

so where is the picture of you in poopy king lipstick?
and is that model the girl from 16 and pregnant? it looks like her. or her twin. whatever.

erin October 27, 2011 at 7:42 am

i needed this laugh. thank you.

Christen October 27, 2011 at 9:34 am

Pictures or it didn’t happen. I don’t even shop at J Crew and now I want this lipstick. Although I feel like a crazy person when I wear lipstick. I probably have 5 tubes that have been used once each. But I will still buy this one because of the power of MODG. See what you’ve done? First lipstick, now world domination!

Lisa October 27, 2011 at 9:56 am

You look way better in that lipstick than the model does. Too orangey on her, but hawt on you. And no, I’m not sucking up. You’ll know it if I’m sucking up.

Daisy October 27, 2011 at 9:57 am

Damn. Now I have to go buy some Poopy lipstick and I just bought the “perfect” red lipstick (Nars, Cruella) which means I have gone WAY OVER the lipstick budget. My husband says there is no lipstick budget, so you see the issue here I’m sure.

MrsDzo October 27, 2011 at 10:11 am

Thank you for offering the modeling tips. I will be sure to bring my cat with me everywhere so I can achieve the appropriate level of sad, hot model.

Jessica October 27, 2011 at 10:56 am

OK, Modg. Seriously. Now I have to cancel homeschooling today so I can go buy red lipstick. Yes, I’m totally serious. You are beautiful and even looking at cat butt won’t make me that pretty. Oh right – now I remember, it’s because I’m older than you. Meh. Now I’m sad.

Stef October 27, 2011 at 10:57 am

I’m absolutely loving the “this post is brought to you by” comments at the end of your blog – my husband not so much. But who cares. I’ll need no review on the birth day suit maternity (like I requested from yesterdays Shakeology post). We’re “working” on #2 and no amount of money will stop me from having a decent looking gown to wear this time.

I'llSleepWhenThey'reGrown October 30, 2011 at 12:51 am

Not to hate on those maternity gown/dresses (way cute, obvsly) but they’re pretty pricey and I don’t see how you’d nurse in some of them afterwards without taking it mostly off. I guess the same could be said for a hospital gown, though! I got a dress from Walmart for $12 or something and the straps pulled down so I could pop a boob out. It was black so none of the goop showed up on it. And I still wear it…Just a little somethin’ to put in your back pocket.

Julialifeisart October 27, 2011 at 1:08 pm

I can’t wear lipstick/gloss anymore because I’m always kissing my 3 month-old’s face and then thinking, “OMG what is that red mark on his face?! Oh wait, it’s sparkly. Must be lip gloss. Oops.”

Momma October 27, 2011 at 1:22 pm

You’re fun.
Lets hang out.

Danielle D. October 27, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Poopy King = Gorgeous at 7:30am, LOVE IT

Allison October 27, 2011 at 2:06 pm

i can only assume that that is a tragic misspelling of poppy king? because that is certainly not the color of poopy.

Heather October 27, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Love the updated pics MODG! Absolutely beautiful – you, cat butts, poopy king & all!

Kristal October 27, 2011 at 4:49 pm

So I’m guessing the “limited time” is already over b/c I can’t find any poopy king online anywhere! Do I have to physically go to the store? I’m not sure if I can handle that…

eileen marie October 27, 2011 at 6:40 pm

Yay for Photoshop! We got the CD from my in-laws, & did our wedding invites w/ it -they were awesome sauce (did I just date myself -can I still say that??). Then the f-er wouldn’t load on my new computator. So, someone on freecycle gave us the entire suite FOR FREE.
The color on the model looks like coral. Coral=grandmas. I am glad it looks nicer on you in person. I MAY have to try this, although I never wear lipstick because a)I am ghostly white and b)it ends up on my teeth a la the aforementioned grandmas. Love your J. Crew layered necklace –the watch was a nice touch.

Sabrina October 27, 2011 at 9:21 pm

Funny, I didn’t like the Poopy King on the model– it looks weirdly like she just ate an orange Popsicle to me. But I really like it on you! You clearly have more vision then I do :)

Amy B October 27, 2011 at 9:43 pm

don’t worry about having your night gown ripped off…if you’d delivered at TBC then you’d probably have been naked anyway. i bought a skin-to-skin friendly nightshirt that i planned to wear, but 2 hours in and i was nude. you remember watching the videos during the childbirth classes and wondering, why are all these women naked and why are they cool with it? well, i wondered and then i was cool with it.

Leah December 10, 2011 at 8:36 pm

OMG, I labored at TBC, and that is so true :). And it didn’t end when the baby came… my MIL came to town to stay overnight a few days post-partum, and while I was grateful for the help, I was like, “Wait! That means I need to put on some clothes now!”

Kiki October 28, 2011 at 8:47 am

You look amazing in Poopy King. I didn’t like it so much on the pretend J Crew model but on a real model like MODG, it looks fab.

Loved this whole post. LMAO Plus, I totally wish I had one of those Birth Day Suites when I had my girl. Hate the pictures of me in the ugly hospital issued gown :(

Emily October 28, 2011 at 11:38 pm

did you hear about the j crew executive stylist woman who left her husband for the j crew lead jewelry designer? well, in the pics, the stylist is wearing a lot of poopy kind lipstick. i saw the pics on the news (and by “news” i mean E! “news”) and i declared, “hey, that’s poopy king!”

Emily October 28, 2011 at 11:39 pm
Sarah November 2, 2011 at 11:23 am

i read this article and clicked a couple links, jenna lyons is 6-foot-5?! shit!

melissa October 29, 2011 at 12:12 pm

1. I actually came back to this post to say where are the pictures of you with poopy king on your lips?!

2. I’m so upset I can’t buy poopy king on jcrew.com. I don’t want to go to the actual mall. Too many annoying people!

flysongbird November 18, 2011 at 4:36 pm

i saw a link someone posted on cup of jo and came here..my god this was hilarious!!!

Di November 18, 2011 at 5:38 pm

*yawnz* Oh sorry… been busy all day and yours is one of the last blogs I have been directed to read by Cup of Jo. Now I need sad lips to go with my tired eyelids from reading too many blogs. Won’t I BE LOVELY!!

Meg November 22, 2011 at 9:18 pm

I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard… you are HILARIOUS! Unfortunately, I was a minute late on the Poopy King memo so I picked up NARS Heat Wave today and I’m obsessed. It’s almost as great as Poopy… and I’ve got to say, I look quite lovely with my JCrew sad face on.

darcy April 7, 2012 at 2:11 am

I just died. You rock! Just sent this to 20 people.

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