So you know when you get your J.Crew catalog in the mail and you like stare at it at a rate of 11 seconds per page to fully understand why that totally messy sad girl looks so awesome? Yeah me too. Well, I heard on the internet that the lipstick they use on their sad models was going to be FOR SALE. And then they said the magic words that makes me run to my amex. FOR A LIMITED TIME.
Damn that limited time. I’m always like. I CAN NOT MISS OUT. I’LL REGRET IT FOR 20 YEARS.
So I bought it. Because damnit I’m going to look like a sad model if it kills me.
And then I get an email immed from the crew telling me that it will be on backorder now for THREE months. Because apparently the world wants to be a sad jcrew model. So since I totally get that. I said, whatever FINE.
I forget about my new red lipped look for a good month as I have a baby to take care of and I get another email from the big J.
It says this:
Your order is postponed beyond your original postpone date. If you still want it you have to email us and tell us you do. Otherwise, we’re going to go ahead and just cancel it for you. Word to your bird.
Almost exactly that’s what it said.
They were just going to go ahead and cancel that for me. How nice of you J.
But I was on the mother f-ing ball and I replied right quick and said DON’T YOU DARE CANCEL MY LIPS. I NEED THIS FOR MY LIFE.
And what do you know a week later that shit showed up at my door
OMG you’re such an idiot. You thought it said poopy king. I’m so embarrassed for you.
It’s POPPY KING. Duh a million.
And guess who went to the actual Jcrew store that day and saw a whole goddamn PILE of Poopy King with no wait list.
And guess who was like, I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ARE SELLING POOPY IN PILES. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I WENT THROUGH TO GET THIS.
And guess who said, OH Amanda well you’re in here all the time. We’ll just have your personal shopper call you next time.
And guess who was like. OMG don’t ever say those words to my husband.
AND ALSO GUESS WHO JUST GOT PHOTOSHOP?
You bitches are in so much trouble.
THE POOPY KING.
OBVIOUSLY you’d want to see a picture of Poopy King on me.
Obviously this photoshoot happened at 730am in my kitchen.
B doesn’t even ask anymore.
This is my Jcrew sad model face in my Jcrew bandana jeweled watch necklace.
And guess what? I totally figured out how they get the models to look this way
They are JUST looking at cat butts the whole time.
WE ARE ALL SUCH IDIOTS.
POOPY KING LIVES ON.
Poopy King post was brought to you by Birth Day Suit Maternity, which DAMN I wish I found when I was birthing G. I spent so much money on a little ugly nightgown that they had to rip off of me. This is made to make you look awesome during pictures when you spit your baby out of your baby maker. The bright colors will be awesome in pics. Also it’s made to work with IV’s and tubes and things. I really love this idea. Best part. Discount code at their etsy shop: 10% off with code MODGBLOG2011. They are also giving away a free gown on their blog. Go check them out here.