Welcome back to the house of MODG: Where being alive and sober is really what counts for points.
I lied to you about something when I told you about my horrible no good terrible very bad day (god I’m referencing children’s books, murder me while you still can). B wasn’t gone for 1 day. He was gone for THREE. I couldn’t tell you that because despite the previous sentence, I do in fact want to remain alive and I don’t trust a single one of you as far as I can facebook you. So take that in internet. 3 days alone with drama. But B is back and he’s drilling something while G is napping. I’m SURE that’s a good idea.
So now we can move on to really important things: jeans. One day the UPS man came. And then he came again. And then the fed ex man came and then the regular strength mailman came. ALL. WITH. JEANS. I don’t even know people…. I mean I must have just kept ordering and ordering. And I’m overwhelmed with the sending of them back and the trying of them on and the tailoring and the blogging. But I got off my ass and put this post together so we can all handle this mess together. Are you in?
Here we go.
Ok internet. I think I’ve realized I need a full length mirror. Either that or I have to actually clean my bathroom mirror (hide your eyes B’s mom). So a few of you recommended these and I have to say I’m a fan. I am already happier with the non wide leg and more flare leg. Wide means wide. AND I DON’T WANT TO BE WIDE. These have lots of stretch in them which means a lot less diarrhea and that’s good for everyone. The rise was great, the material wasn’t too stiffy stiff and the wash was pretty good. Obviously the length on these is absurd but I’m 5’2”. That’s my punishment.
I vote yes on these and give them a 4.5
I know I know, the picture are awful. Click on it to make my crotch the size of your monitor if that’s really what you’re into. These are good for these reasons: The waistband is wide, which means no one is digging a canal into my side fat and the rise isn’t SO high but high enough. Here is the bad: There are cat whiskers flanking my cat. I NEVER WANT THAT. Let’s be clear jean makers of America: It’s not 1998, I’m not interested in Paris Blues in the Macy’s junior’s department and I’m not 14. I also never want horizontal random lines across my womanly wombat.
I vote no and give them a 2.5
I ordered these because they were on sale and looked awesomely dark and hi and flarey. I was pretty right. They are SO comfortable and a little less constricting than some of the others. The wash is dark dark dark which means you can’t even see me because I’m invisible. I think that’s how that works. Looking at them now in these pictures though, they look a little big on the vagina hat. But they are a contender.
I vote yes and give them a 4.5
These are the back ordered bad boys that we all had high hopes for. They did not disappoint. They have some stretch are way comfortable but are a good tight. I will admit that you can see a vagina outline in the first picture. But I sort of don’t care. Maybe I just won’t stand like that or something. Or maybe I’ll embroider “vagina” into them so people know what they are seeing. There is medium diarrhea potential though.
I vote yes and give these a 4.5
There was one more pair of NON petite JBrand Lovestory that I didn’t even bother showing you. They are just more vagina whisker stupid.
So my voting system really didn’t work since 3 of them got the same score. I think I’m going to keep 2 pairs. One for flats and one for heels. Ok tell me what you think and your favorites.
Here’s what we’ve learned though about non mom jeans for moms: Hi rise is good. Wide is bad. Flare is better.
Ok, make with some feedback.
just say no to diarrhea