NON MOM JEANS THAT ARE SORT OF MOM BUT ACCEPTABLE BECAUSE IT’S 2011 JEANS REVIEW PART 2.

Welcome back to the house of MODG: Where being alive and sober is really what counts for points.

I lied to you about something when I told you about my horrible no good terrible very bad day (god I’m referencing children’s books, murder me while you still can). B wasn’t gone for 1 day. He was gone for THREE. I couldn’t tell you that because despite the previous sentence, I do in fact want to remain alive and I don’t trust a single one of you as far as I can facebook you. So take that in internet. 3 days alone with drama. But B is back and he’s drilling something while G is napping. I’m SURE that’s a good idea.

So now we can move on to really important things: jeans. One day the UPS man came. And then he came again. And then the fed ex man came and then the regular strength mailman came. ALL. WITH. JEANS. I don’t even know people…. I mean I must have just kept ordering and ordering. And I’m overwhelmed with the sending of them back and the trying of them on and the tailoring and the blogging. But I got off my ass and put this post together so we can all handle this mess together. Are you in?

GOOD.

Here we go.

Rich and Skinny Hi Rise Flare Jeans

Ok internet. I think I’ve realized I need a full length mirror. Either that or I have to actually clean my bathroom mirror (hide your eyes B’s mom). So a few of you recommended these and I have to say I’m a fan. I am already happier with the non wide leg and more flare leg. Wide means wide. AND I DON’T WANT TO BE WIDE. These have lots of stretch in them which means a lot less diarrhea and that’s good for everyone. The rise was great, the material wasn’t too stiffy stiff and the wash was pretty good. Obviously the length on these is absurd but I’m 5’2”. That’s my punishment.

I vote yes on these and give them a 4.5

J Brand Petite Lovestory

I know I know, the picture are awful. Click on it to make my crotch the size of your monitor if that’s really what you’re into. These are good for these reasons: The waistband is wide, which means no one is digging a canal into my side fat and the rise isn’t SO high but high enough. Here is the bad: There are cat whiskers flanking my cat. I NEVER WANT THAT. Let’s be clear jean makers of America: It’s not 1998, I’m not interested in Paris Blues in the Macy’s junior’s department and I’m not 14. I also never want horizontal random lines across my womanly wombat.

I vote no and give them a 2.5

Rich and Skinny Rodeo Flare Jeans

I ordered these because they were on sale and looked awesomely dark and hi and flarey. I was pretty right. They are SO comfortable and a little less constricting than some of the others. The wash is dark dark dark which means you can’t even see me because I’m invisible. I think that’s how that works. Looking at them now in these pictures though, they look a little big on the vagina hat. But they are a contender.

I vote yes and give them a 4.5

Silence and Noise Jeans

These are the back ordered bad boys that we all had high hopes for. They did not disappoint. They have some stretch are way comfortable but are a good tight. I will admit that you can see a vagina outline in the first picture. But I sort of don’t care. Maybe I just won’t stand like that or something. Or maybe I’ll embroider “vagina” into them so people know what they are seeing. There is medium diarrhea potential though.

I vote yes and give these a 4.5

 

There was one more pair of NON petite JBrand Lovestory that I didn’t even bother showing you. They are just more vagina whisker stupid.

So my voting system really didn’t work since 3 of them got the same score. I think I’m going to keep 2 pairs. One for flats and one for heels. Ok tell me what you think and your favorites.

Here’s what we’ve learned though about non mom jeans for moms: Hi rise is good. Wide is bad. Flare is better.

Ok, make with some feedback.

just say no to diarrhea

xoxo

MODG

 

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POSTED IN: Drunk Stuff,Mom Stuff,Style

{ 64 comments }

krista October 9, 2011 at 3:44 pm

i know these aren’t your preferred expensive jeans…. but american eagle original boot. they are mid rise. im too short for the high waist. im 5’2.
mid rise is where it’s at. it covers the mom pooch i now have at the tender age of 23, and i still look cool and not like a lame ass soccer mom.

ang October 9, 2011 at 3:46 pm

The first pair made me have jean envy. I vote them!

Rosie October 9, 2011 at 3:47 pm

I’d toss the last pair, honestly – once you get them hemmed, the good flare will disappear and they’ll be super-disappointing. I’m 5’2″ as well and have made this mistake before – if you can’t get flares in a *short* length, you’re better off not buying them at all, unless you wear heels so high that it makes up for it.

Krista October 9, 2011 at 3:48 pm

The first pair looks great. I like the last pair too. And drilling while napping??? My husband is currently letting our daughter take a nap on the couch next to him. I’m pleading with him to take her upstairs and not give up the only quiet time of the day but he is so glad that she is snuggling with him and not me that I think I might lose this one.

Erin(findingmysanity) October 9, 2011 at 3:55 pm

First pair for sure!

Mama G October 9, 2011 at 3:58 pm

I vote the first pair; they look great. Just say no to cat whiskers and anything else that draws attention to your hoo-ha.

Amy October 9, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Rich and skinny high rise flare. Those were the bestest.

demi October 9, 2011 at 4:03 pm

rich and skinny rodeos-once you get that shit hemmed-it will be jeans awesomenesss for you! :)

Jennah October 9, 2011 at 4:03 pm

One of the bottom two would look best with flats, I think. The whiskering on the last pair is a little strange, but the vag on the pair above is a little strange, sooo. Big giant flares with flats seems like a bad idea. But i may be biased because I have big thighs, so trouser jeans (not wide leg per say, but not skinny either…sort of a slightly loose boot cut?) are way more flattering on me and flares make me look just terrible.

AbigailMallon October 9, 2011 at 4:13 pm

I loved the rich and skinny high rise flare until I clicked on them and saw the price, Yowser!!! As a new mom I cant treat myself to anything over $60 : ( They look awesome though and when you said they were super comfy I was in, but had to come back down off of my cloud. I will remain in my sweatpants until E is old enough to be embarassed of me. maybe by then I will be able to afford something that looks good and is semi cool-like

Melanie October 9, 2011 at 4:15 pm

J Brand and Silence and noise look the best on your butt, maybe you can find some without the whiskers. I like them all on you, so I am no help.

My Little is napping and my husband decided it would be a good time to get onto the roof and winterize the evap. cooler. (Desert version of AC) It’s practically on top of her bedroom, so we’ll see how that works out.

I don’t understand why it’s so hard for men to be quiet during nap time, it’s not that long!

DM's Mommy October 9, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Can I just say that I do love the first pair of jeans, agree with Krista on any AE jeans, and wish I had your stomach. No, seriously, on a bad day I look pregnant still and while I STILL say: I just had a baby….let’s be honest….she’s almost 3 and I should’ve stopped using that excuse 2 years ago:) BUT I am working on it so I will keep the name of the first jeans on hand, and a good tailor b/c I’m shorter than all y’all (I stand 5′ 1/2″ tall!) so I’d have to hem them like crazy! Oh, and I too say no to diarrhea:)

Jamie @ See You There October 9, 2011 at 4:30 pm

I got the silence and noise jeans too and love them! Was very happy when they finally came and found they fit well and look super cute. I love wearing them with a blousy top tucked in. They look great on you too! Although I have not run into the vag issue, or the diarrhea issue lol. I agree that flare is better than wideleg. Other than those the very first rich and skinnys look amazing. After a good hemming they’ll be perfect! Are those the two you’re keeping?

MODG October 10, 2011 at 9:45 am

I think those 2 will be the winners

Melissa October 9, 2011 at 4:32 pm

I totally love the first pair… and the last pair.. however once you hem them they won’t have that flare! and I agree that American Eagles w/ Krista are super nice!!

Emily October 9, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Definitely the first one! The last two do your hips no favors. Even though they are skinny hips. A great band name!

melissa October 9, 2011 at 4:50 pm

The first pair, all the way. The others don’t even begin to compare!

amber October 9, 2011 at 5:05 pm

The first pair. You’re lookin all kinds of skinny woman. danny tanner would be proud and britney would be jealous.

Norma October 9, 2011 at 5:19 pm

First ones are definitely the best ones. Just order another one of those? Then you’ll TWO…if I did the math correctly

Kelli October 9, 2011 at 5:21 pm

LOVE #1. You look amazing. I haven’t even had a baby and I want a pair!

Chrystal October 9, 2011 at 5:52 pm

I think the first pair look the best and if you’re going to wear the flare, that’s your best bet, but can we be honest here? Flares, really? For your frame, a good pencil or cigarette jean is much more complimentary. Even a boot cut maybe, but flares on short girls are just not a good situation.

MODG October 10, 2011 at 9:46 am

when I hem them, they will be boot cut and not flares. I promise.

Abigail October 9, 2011 at 6:03 pm

I am also a huge fan of American eagle jeans and jeggings. I started off only ordering online because I’m 27 and not a 90 pound 13 year old, but I finally sucked it up and dragged my mommy non-butt in there (with both my boys AND the double stroller) & it wasn’t as bad as I thought. Plus, they are between $30-50 and are practically always on sale so I can have more than 2 pairs. :)
My vote is for the first pair- btw.
Also, I also HATE whiskers.

jaime October 9, 2011 at 6:38 pm

both rich and skinny jeans look SO flattering…i want a pair haha. which do you prefer? 1st or 2nd??

Lisa October 9, 2011 at 6:45 pm

First pair gets my vote. They totally flatter your non-thighs. As opposed to my thighs, which do not deserve any flattering.

Caels momma October 9, 2011 at 8:31 pm

Rich and skinny high rise flare for sure, they make you look super skinny. And then silence and noise

Denise October 9, 2011 at 8:35 pm

I honestly would be happy if I could just afford a pair of those jeans lol, splurging on jeans for me is spending $50… oh the joys of being on a budget. Buying jeans is always hard when your short, I’m 5’2 and I hate hemming jeans so jean shopping is just not fun.

Denise October 9, 2011 at 8:36 pm

Ps. I vote for the first pair of jeans, I wish the other ones didn’t have the whiskers because they look great.

Jill L-G October 9, 2011 at 8:41 pm

I vote to just get two of the first pair (although I’m iffy on flares with flats – I’m (almost) 5’4 and only do flares with hugely high platforms).

Also, you’re holding out on us. ABS?! I thought you were with me on team new-baby-gunt – but you’re not! You’re on team I’m-obviously-secretly-exercising! And G can’t be so bad if he lets you exercise! My 10 month-old twin dictators would never allow me to work out!!

MODG October 10, 2011 at 9:47 am

sister, did you see the last jeans post? My gunt it out in full force. This is the magic of the high waisties.

Mandy October 9, 2011 at 8:52 pm

I too am short – mere 5′, and in my opinion you are asking for trouble trying to chop that much length off a pair of flare jeans to wear with flats. I have made the mistake many times, get them hemmed and the flare is out of whack and they look awful. I just ruined a great pair of Banana Republic jeans I got on clearance for $15 bucks that way, should have hemmed them for hooker heels instead. PS I love BR jeans, have you tried them?

Megan S. October 9, 2011 at 9:33 pm

Your non-mom jeans posts are making me feel so much better about the recent vag covering system I’ve had to invest in. (I had a baby in May.) I too, went with dark wash, non-stupid cat whiskered, flared items and feel much better about my uterus paunch because of it. I really like the first pair you modeled (Rich & Skinny High Rise Flares). They are really flattering on you.

jen October 9, 2011 at 10:01 pm

someone please replicate this post who is 5″10 size 12, 14, or 16.

love this. but its not entirely applicable to me since we are totally different body types.

Miss Andi October 9, 2011 at 10:23 pm

The first ones. Definitely.

Molls October 9, 2011 at 10:31 pm

During our little S’s naps is the only time any drilling happens in this house.

Katie October 10, 2011 at 7:36 am

Yo! This shit was funny!

Andrea October 9, 2011 at 11:03 pm

The first pair (Rich and Skinny Hi Rise Flare) is the best. The Rodeo Flare look a little big on you. The Silence and Noise ones are good but only if you are advertising for the vagina show. I would wear them with a long shirt to cover my own wombat cat. And you are right, wide leg is for squares. Literally; I only wear a wide-leg when I want to sport a square-shaped pooch.

Sarah October 10, 2011 at 12:00 am

First pair = best pair.

s October 10, 2011 at 1:17 am

1st pair

SarahJanse October 10, 2011 at 1:21 am

have you tried 7′s dojo jeans… my favs! (i have a 10 month old too)

ZDub October 10, 2011 at 1:23 am

THIS IS EXHAUSTING ME.

I hate shopping and I’m currently also in the middle of jean wars 2011 (with myself) and i hate pants and say yes to leggings.

ZDub October 10, 2011 at 1:25 am

Oh and I vote for Pair #1, but the price. JESUS. Please review some Target jeans, thanks.

Also, the Silence and Noise jeans are frightening me. I can stop looking at your vag. (not in a pervy way)

Rei October 10, 2011 at 8:44 am

Seriously, target and old navy jeans.
Those look good on you but really, $167 is pretty much my entire clothing budget for the year. I hate shopping.

MODG October 10, 2011 at 9:48 am

zdub i know i know. But my idea in the beginning was spend the money on one good pair of jeans because now I own every pair of gap 1969 jeans, target jeans and old navy and they all blow ass chunks. JUST ONE NICE PAIR

SJ October 13, 2011 at 8:32 pm

Totally have to agree with MG here…why buy 20 pairs of crap jeans that don’t fit, that you don’t like wearing and that will sit in your closet for ever?? Take all your ass chunks jeans to a consignment store and buy one amazeballs pair that you will happily rock every day. Even B will ignore the investment when he sees how awesome your butt looks in “expensive” jeans instead of saggy gap, target, old navy etc. mom jeans. You pay for what you get.

Desiree October 10, 2011 at 10:55 am

Yeah, I second that. It cracks me up that you write about how poor you are and then you drop like 5 bills on jeans.

rae October 11, 2011 at 7:35 am

exactly..stop with the ‘we have no money’ BS. you CONSTANTLY post about all the expensive stuff you own and keep buying.

MODG October 11, 2011 at 9:18 am

CHILL OUT EVERYONE.
Yes I’m buying jeans. No it’s not a smart decision. Ask B, he’ll tell you ALL about the bad decisions I make with money. We are down to one income and I know I don’t need jeans. But I feel like a fat mom and I wanted a pair of jeans to make me feel better about myself. Jeans that I will pay for with my money that I earn from my blog from commission I get by posting about the stuff THAT I BUY. But thank you to my additional 5 husbands on my case about what I spend. I really need that.

Jilly-J's Mom October 10, 2011 at 2:05 am

First pair…… and fourth pair but only in the last two pictures. like you said, just don’t stand that way. :)

Mrs Dzo October 10, 2011 at 8:41 am

Agreeing with the masses and think pair 1 are amazing on you.

Now, you strike me as a girl of infinite fashion sense. What cut would you recommend for a gal with the vag hat, but also a matching pair of hips that go from here to Mexico? The tight fitted legs of the jeans above tend to make me look like a meatball on two toothpicks.

Awaiting your oracle wisdom.

MODG October 10, 2011 at 9:49 am

I have no idea. I would think a mid rise boot cut or flare

Amy Z October 10, 2011 at 9:17 am

I vote for two pairs of #1, hem one for flats and one for heels. Those ones look awesome. I am all for having two pairs of your favorite jeans, which is why I have like 3 pair of JCrew skinnies, I ‘needed’ every wash.

PS- I rarely ever comment, but I have read your blog every day for the past year and a half, and I have made all my friends start reading too. I cannot wait for your book so that I can give it to everyone I know for Christmas (ok, maybe not my dad, but every woman I know).

MODG October 10, 2011 at 9:49 am

thanks AMY I’m glad you commented finally. I WAS WAITING FOR YOU.

Courtney October 10, 2011 at 12:54 pm

I am going to purchase the Rich and Skinnys for sure. Love them.

kells October 10, 2011 at 4:47 pm

i usually don’t comment due to the amount of wit that is required to contend with the other commenters. But I just gotta say it. Number 4 for reals. Your booty was banging and the flare was good but it wasn’t crazy (or as the 14 year olds say with whiskers on their jeans, “Cray-cray”) Plus can I just say one thing you are only 10 months post partum! That vagina show will calm down as the months pass I promise. I mean if you look this good at 10 months you are only going to continue to look even better..
either way I liked the last jeans for sure. and now I must go order myself a pair.

K.GIRL.HEY October 10, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Hon, your legs look smokin’ in that first pair. Of course you could wear the others if you wanted to, but like the other 99% of the internet, I vote for #1. You look like a Jean Superstar.

Stef October 10, 2011 at 6:05 pm

Love Love Love the first pair – they look fantastic. I’m with Zdub on the leggings but this may have convinced me to make a special purchase.

Christin October 11, 2011 at 11:14 am

Just ordered a pair of the Rich and Skinny Rodeo’s. I like the Hi Rise Flares better but couldn’t pass up that price on the Rodeo’s. My baby is 6 months old and even though I’m down to pre-baby weight…body shape has changed. Yay me. Anyway, hopefully these will look as good on me as they do on you. And hopefully one day I’ll get back into my pre-baby Rich and Skinny’s b/c I like to pretend when I wear them that I really am Rich and Skinny.

Elizabeth October 11, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Can’t remember if you said you tried them or not, but this weekend I bought the Gap Perfect Boot jeans. They are a bit stretchy and they come up to just below my belly button, thus containing the FUPA leftover from my CS. I am petite (5’2) and a little curvy (size 4) and they look fabulous on my butt and slimming through the hips and thigh. The waist fits perfectly without sagging or gaping or squeezing or doing other uncomfortable atrocities to my midsection.

Emi October 12, 2011 at 11:31 pm

I love the first pair. I know you’ve tried a ton of jeans, but have you considered these Madewell jeans? I’d love to know what you think of the fit. http://www.madewell.com/madewell_feature/ALEXACHUNG/PRDOVR~53095/53095.jsp?srcCode=MWAFFI00001&siteId=Hy3bqNL2jtQ-fgQXkmPKRpFP4gU94UfPhw

SJ October 13, 2011 at 8:27 pm

Totally the first pair, Rich and Skinny Hi Rise Flare Jeans!! What about a hi-rise Dojo from 7 for all Mankind?? Dojos are the awesomeness and a hi-rise would be super body friendly.

kaela October 14, 2011 at 10:17 am

I like the first Rich and Skinny the best – they’re super flattering! the second rich and skinny’s, a like a little bit. The last pair? Not so much. Super vagina-y.

Desibee October 16, 2011 at 2:57 pm

I actually liked the first 2, even with the whiskers. Your butt looks excellent in them!

Abby November 17, 2011 at 2:51 pm

Ohh, found these very affordable mom jeans!

http://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?searchCID=25781&vid=2&pid=869222&scid=869222002

wearing them right now, and quite possibly I might be able to get them above my belly button if I really tried.

Mom jean power all the way!

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