I'm funny

Hold on to your hankies world. I’m inviting you to this exclusive club called the-face-book.

August 30, 2011

B was away for 24 hours. In life, 24 hours isn’t that much time. It’s only 24 episodes of Vampire Diaries. But in take care of your baby time, IT’S A GODDAMN LIFETIME. I now can’t use all of my limbs properly and I have wounds rivaling a zombie victim. I have diarrhea pains with nothing to show for it and I think the hairs on my face grew double time last night. Needless to say, I’m a waste of skin today. So this post is dedicated to the single parents out there. I told B that he could probably beat me in the face and I would stick around just for the help. I don’t know how you singles do it.


(people don’t say “props” anymore, do they? Whatever. Everyone can bite me)

So this post is “stuff that you miss if you don’t follow MODG on facebook. ” post. Or as I like to call it, a good time to be lazy and just promote my facebook page.

Here’s what you’re missing:

An update on my BAD ASS shams and a shout out to bad ass babies. People don’t say “shout out” anymore either, do they? Whatever.

G thinks this whole “sports” thing is just as funny as I do.

Incredibly helpful links from readers that change days, if not lives.

I bet you didn’t know that I was a champion cucumber farmer. YOU DID IF YOU ARE MY FACEBOOK FAN.

Some idiot out there is trying to make the vagina shorts look like an on-purpose non mistake.

some idiot>>>

And also immense opportunities to spend your money in a wise fashion during these economic times.


And this is all just from this week.

HAVE I CONVINCED YOU YET? Do you want your life to be better? Do you want to save baby penguins? Do you want to find a pile of sexy princes and marry them all? Then join the facebook team.

Your mom already did.

Back to my wine, advil and Most Eligible Dallas.




I bet you didn’t think I could find one more way to link to it did you.

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  • SusanL August 30, 2011 at 9:15 pm

    Do you know I read this post several times (already a fan on FB, btw), and thought “Who is hell is Brett!?” And then it occurred to me after the sixth reading or so that your husband has an actual name besides B. Perhaps I shouldn’t read MODG after I just work up from a nap.

    • Debbie Hadley August 30, 2011 at 9:19 pm

      I caught it too! We haz all the information now! For what I don’t know, but nothing creepy, clearly.

  • SuzieQ August 30, 2011 at 9:15 pm

    Very impressive MODG. You have completed the www “Circle of Liffe” Kudos to you! :)

  • SuzieQ August 30, 2011 at 9:19 pm

    btw…I am officially your first 55 year old groupie. I hope you don’t think that is weird. It is what it is. I am reliving all the anxiety of motherhood through you. Please believe me…you live through it…somehow, some way. And…It DOES help to have a sense of humor about it. All of those who don’t survive lack that one important element. Long live MODG! :) ….and yes, I overuse the :)…..I’m in a 12-step program.

    • Nichole August 30, 2011 at 10:42 pm

      SuzieQ, I love you! Will you be my mom?

    • Megan U. August 30, 2011 at 11:49 pm

      can i get a link to this 12 step program….. i too have a problem with the :)

  • Krista August 30, 2011 at 9:26 pm

    My husband is the Army, so I do the “single” parent thing from time to time. I don’t know how real single parents who have full-time jobs and take care of the kids every morning, night and weekend. My blog is actually called ‘Counting Down ’til Daddy’ (www.countingdowntildaddy.com not nearly as clever or funny as yours) and I started it when he was in his eighth month in Afghanistan and our son was one month old. Going it alone for any amount of time is no joke.

    And my mom likes your facebook page.

    • Stef August 31, 2011 at 1:15 pm

      My husband is also in Army and unfortunately there is plenty of time where my son and I have to figure it out on our own. In fact I had to have an backup birth plan since he was to be sent out 4 days after our son’s expected due date for training. Fortunately he came a week early! Krista you’re one bad ass mom for having a baby and your husband being gone for so long. I was lucky to only have him gone 4 weeks! By the time my husband got home I was basically unrecognizable. I suppose I have the Army to thank for losing my baby weight so quickly! Rock on to single and “sometimes single” parents out here.

      I don’t think people say “rock on” anymore do they? Damn…

  • colleen August 30, 2011 at 9:37 pm

    i actually visit your facebook page but don’t like it so that my friends don’t know i read blogs. i’m like, the worst. and i need to get over it, because that video is too much. what a cutie. ok. back to my wine, advil, and most eligible dallas.

  • Mon August 30, 2011 at 9:39 pm

    Holy awesome hell, batman. That kid’s laugh is THE BEST LAUGH. I think next up should be a Sit “N” Spin.

  • Alyssa August 30, 2011 at 10:04 pm

    I don’t comment enough on here, but that nonsense will stop now. I get *way* too excited when I see MODG pop up in my blog roll or Facebook. You’re in that 4% of online things that actually interest me. Kudos. And thank you.

  • Lexi August 30, 2011 at 10:28 pm

    So I forced my bf, C, to watch the baseball video, and all he had to say was “Is she Asian?”

    Why yes. Yes she is.

  • jules August 30, 2011 at 10:35 pm

    I love your method of counting time.

  • Megan U. August 30, 2011 at 11:08 pm

    Oh my goodness i cant get enough of that laugh!!! Makes my heart smile <3 :) yeah im a single parent four days out of the week…it blows so much!! when sunday rolls around i get the sads. it doesnt help that lili hasnt pooped in three days and makes these horrible pitiful cries in her sleep :-/ i check facebook and your blog errday, so thanks for being my funny bright spot :) MUAH ( you know you like getting internet kisses from complete strangers!)

  • Sarah August 31, 2011 at 12:28 am

    Nice cucumberrrrrrrrrr


  • Zuli August 31, 2011 at 12:41 am

    I was actually a facebook fan first. Someone shared the AMAZING post about breastfeeding and now I’m in love. Shared that on FB and now a bunch of friends read your blog too. You’re freaking hilarious. Plus you give me something to do while endlessly breastfeeding my three month old

  • Kole August 31, 2011 at 8:49 am

    I’m a marine wife and have had to do the single mom thing once already since my son was born 6 weeks ago, looking at another two weeks on my own very soon. It’s not fun, and by the time my husband gets home it’s major daddy and son time! I’m a fan of your facebook page and love the video of your son, his laugh had both my husband and I cracking up.

  • Tamara August 31, 2011 at 10:15 am

    I’m sorry, I didn’t read your post because I was too busy admiring the yellow lamps. So good.

  • Maria August 31, 2011 at 11:08 am

    I read your blog every day, but don’t really comment, but I have to say, after watching that baseball video, I found myself cheesy smiling, and I’m not even a baby person. Very cute.


  • raelyn August 31, 2011 at 11:36 am

    i haev a request. can we get an update post from single guy? would love to know what he is up to!

  • Amber August 31, 2011 at 11:39 am

    I became a fan of your Facebook page this morning…a few hours later my friends gave me my birthday gift and it was ***MODG STUFF***!!! It was like I was being rewarded for good behavior!

  • Rebecca August 31, 2011 at 12:02 pm

    I boycott the evil time sucking whore that is facebook, so I appreciate the update on all the stuff I’m missing. LOVE that baseball video!

  • Marita August 31, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    The heart print above your bed is gorgeous! Where is it from? The baby isn’t bad either 😉

  • NSC August 31, 2011 at 3:10 pm

    Where is this MODG store?? Is there some link I’m missing, or what? I think I NEED that coffee mug.

  • Janet August 31, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    Holy moly, that kid has the world’s best laugh!

    Also, I have hearted you on the book of the face.

  • Carrie September 2, 2011 at 6:50 pm

    I read a lot of blogs, and write one of my own but this is by far is the best. After a long day of work last week, I asked a friend to send me something funny and like magic she sent me your blog and I’ve been laughing ever since. Love LOVE your writing and your honestly in the ups/downs of being a mother and somewhere in there being who you were before you were a mom. Loving this!