An asshole named Ho Ho and a tiger who likes it rough.

I feel like I’ve been pretty good about all the dumb baby rules out there. I’m doing the breastfeeding thing, like forever. I cloth diaper. I make his food. I play dumb games with him constantly. I read to him all the time. But the one thing I’m not doing right is the TV thing. And you know what? I don’t care. BECAUSE I LOVE TV.

Our doctor says no TV for babies until they are 2. Then it’s cool to set them up for a Real Housewives all day marathon.

Now listen, I’m not an asshole. I’m not plopping the kid in front of the TV while I go pluck my face hairs and paint my nails. I will however put on Yo Gabba Gabba while I make him lunch so he will let go of my leg for 4 minutes. I don’t know what sort of baby hypnosis they put in that show, but man it’s awesome. And THEN I discovered Ni Hao Kai Lan.  It’s a show that teaches babies how to be Asian.

(!!!!!!) I KNOW.

And you know what? I am seriously pissed at any of you who knew about this show and didn’t tell me about it. Side eye Asian Troy.

And now I’m all wild with these shows. Because it’s the only TV I get during my day.

The first thing that you should know about baby shows is that there is always one asshole in the show. You know, the one guy who does stupid ass shit and everyone is like DUDE STOP DOING STUPID SHIT. And that’s how your baby learns a lesson. By watching assholes do stupid shit.

The first asshole I’m going to tell you about is Ho Ho. Everyday B comes home from work and I’m like, You’re NOT going to believe what Ho Ho did today. And B is like, jesus christ I’m worried about you. And I’m like, HE GOT IN THE TRAIN BEFORE THEY FINISHED BUILDING IT! DO YOU BELIEVE THAT? WHAT A DIPSHIT!

So the other day everyone was at the water park having a regular fun time in the water. And the tiger was splashing and having fun like any regular tiger would at a water park. And that damn Ho Ho was like I WANT TO PLAY GENTLE! And the tiger was like splash splash splash and Ho Ho was like I WANT TO PLAY GENTLE!  And the tiger was like, eat shit Ho Ho I’m splashing. And Ho Ho was like YOU’RE PLAYING TOO ROUGH, I WANT TO PLAY GENTLE!

And then Kai Lin was like “Do YOU think that Ho Ho wants to play gentle”

And then I become B watching a Penn State game. I scream at the TV: ARE YOU SERIOUS KAI LAN? That damn monkey said it 19 times! No wonder he’s such an asshole!

(Also Kai Lan is the first Asian I’ve met with a Chicago accent)

And then G started crying. And then we shut the tv off.

The next asshole I’m going to introduce you to is Brobee from Yo Gabba Gabba

Brobee makes me crazy. Everyone will be playing nicely with their gift that DJ Lance pulled out of his magic boom box, and he’s all I DON’T LIKE MY GIFT I DON’T WANT TO SHARE I WANT BE A WHINY BITCH. And everyone else is like Brobee, chill the F out and just be regular. And Brobee SOMEHOW manages to make that furry costume turn into a frown face.

I mean, everyone is all happy singing songs with Andy Samburg and Jack Black and Brobee has to be a bitch about exploring and following the ants into the hole. Dude, Foofa is always cool and her name is FOOFA which is almost Fupa and that other guy is LITERALLY a one eyed monster. So just relax and maybe spend some of your free time on that unibrow.

And with this post, all hopes of not being a legit mom blog just went up in flames.

I wish in awesome shows like Russian Dolls, they put a small screen in the bottom of the screen that was like bright colored shapes floating around for kids to look at. Like this:

Ok I’m done. I hope your Monday is less brain rapey than this post was.

I’ll take comments regarding:

1) cool adult things that I’m missing out on

2) other kid shows that I can scream at

3) your thoughts on Russian Dolls (don’t act like you don’t know)

 

xoxo

MODGface

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POSTED IN: Awesome things,babies,I heart TV,Innapropriate,Mom Stuff

{ 213 comments }

k August 14, 2011 at 9:56 pm

I’m sorry, I don’t know about 1, 2, or 3, but I just laughed so hard my kid jumped. Thank you Modg.

Emily August 14, 2011 at 9:57 pm

Confession- I may enjoy Yo Gabba Gabba more than my toddler. I’m okay with this.

Have you seen the Fresh Beat Band? That’s an experience.

ChristiWampler August 14, 2011 at 9:59 pm

Oh man, own the TV watching. I was like that with my 3 year old as a baby. I would like DIE if he saw 3 minutes of Elmo or something because I thought A) his brain would melt and B) it gave me something to be extra smug about with my mom friends. Anyway, I got over that FAST and now TV is totally awesome because 1) it gives me a break to cook/clean/FB chat with my friends and 2) HE’S ACTUALLY LEARNING. He can totally count to 10 in Chinese AND Spanish thanks to dumb Dora and Kai-Lan. He also kinda thinks Max and Ruby are his real friends and he always wants to go see their grandma, so that’s sad, but other than that, TV rocks.

Please tell me your cable company has the Hub channel? Jem and the Holograms reruns. Enough said.

Amanda August 14, 2011 at 10:04 pm

Is it bad that I totally DVR Jem and the Hologram reruns? They are awesome.

KB August 14, 2011 at 11:05 pm

My five year old thinks Jem and the Holograms is a new show and she wants to be Jem for halloween. I feel bad because I don’t think anyone else will know who she is except for 30-35 year old moms.

MODG August 15, 2011 at 9:35 am

um, I had no idea that Jem was on tv again. RUNNING to my dvr.

ChristiWampler August 15, 2011 at 9:45 am

Yes. I am obsessed with it. I keep trying to make my son like Fraggle Rock (also on Hub) but he is not feeling the love. I’m having him evaluated, don’t worry.

Marjorie August 16, 2011 at 10:14 am

I have been trying to get my kids to love Fraggle Rock too, with no luck. What is wrong with them? They’re fuzzy and adorable AND they sing!

I need to start recording Jem too! My hubs has the dvr all filled up with Conan, GI Joe, and Thunder Cats. I think we can make room for some girl shows too!

ChristiWampler August 15, 2011 at 9:46 am

KB, if my sons wanted to dress as Jem and the Holograms, I would totally let them. I am so jealous that you have a daughter that wants to be her. You could be Jericha…

KB August 15, 2011 at 10:51 am

Omg, I WILL be Jericha! So smart!

staci August 15, 2011 at 11:41 am

Jem is truly outrageous…truly truly truly outrageous.

Cyndi August 15, 2011 at 4:53 pm

ever since i found out jem was on The Hub (months ago), that has been on the top of my halloween costume list for this year!! love.

Lillie August 14, 2011 at 10:00 pm

I offer no help, only a tidbit of weird trivia:

One of my best friends Freshman year of college (two years ago, so this girl is 20) is obsessed with Yo Gabba Gabba. She wanted to go see them ‘on ice’ or whatever it is in KC this summer.

ChristiWampler August 14, 2011 at 10:00 pm

I used to hate Fresh Beat Band but they’ve grown on me. WAY better than Imagination Movers. They suck.

Emily August 14, 2011 at 10:02 pm

Imagination Movers is the worst.

kelly m August 14, 2011 at 10:02 pm

I know that exact episode of Kai Lan you’re writing about. You’re right, they’re asshole!

I took my kid (4 at the time) to see Yo Gabba Gabba Live last year. I kid you not, that was the best concert I’ve been to. EVER. A friend hooked us up with VIP passes. We got to meet the Gabba Gang and eat free food. I think next time i am going to go with my husband and leave the kids at home. Heck, leave the husband at home to and try to hook it up Muno. He IS ribbed for our pleasure, after all.

drea August 14, 2011 at 11:58 pm

Dahahahaha!!! This is the best response ever.

Courtney August 15, 2011 at 8:31 am

I seriously choked on my coffee from laughing so hard. Best. Comment. Ever!

ChristiWampler August 14, 2011 at 10:04 pm

I love YGG way more than my kid. But the picture guy? Mark? Total pedo, right?

kelly m August 14, 2011 at 10:32 pm

That is Mark Mothersbaugh from DEVO!

Carissa August 14, 2011 at 10:33 pm

Mark is from Devo….how normal would you expect? ;)

ChristiWampler August 14, 2011 at 11:03 pm

Duh, I knew that. Still, total pedo vibe…

MODG August 15, 2011 at 9:36 am

is it bad that I don’t know what devo is?

ChristiWampler August 15, 2011 at 9:47 am

Yes, kinda. Devo, as in “Whip It, Whip It Good.” The band with the weird red hats.

MODG August 15, 2011 at 9:53 am

oooooh…..

Katina August 14, 2011 at 10:07 pm

We watch Yo Gabba Gabba pretty much non stop in our house. My 2 year old son can beat box just like Biz Markie. It is AWESOME. Anyway, I have an 8 year old daughter who lived in front of the TV as a toddler, and she is practically a genius. I’m not even kidding. TV rules!

Amanda August 14, 2011 at 10:07 pm

Yo Gabba Gabba is awesome. Taking my son to see it live this year. I think I will probably be more excited than he will be.

Fresh Beat Band is actually not bad, Ditto Imagination Movers sucking, and Mickey Mouse Club House is like baby crack. My son is obsessed. I just happen to Like Yo Gabba Gabba better. I get my celeb fix with whoever is there to teach them their new dancey dance, listen to some of the best music on kids TV, and my son will give me 5 minutes to do dishes, clean, eat, whatever. Totally worth it.

Lindsay August 14, 2011 at 10:16 pm

I don’t have children yet but I just had a miniature panic attack that you’re not supposed to let kids watch tv until they’re two. TWO?! I will die. I love tv more than I love most humans. I’m sure I’ll love my future child someday more but that’s debatable because who knows what the geniuses at Bravo will have developed by then.

ALSO I have been trying to get my husband to watch “my shows” for 7 months now so that he’ll stop filling up the DVR with HD hockey games and insist on saving them “in case he wants to watch them again,” which means our DVR is 92% full always which leaves no room for Dance Moms. However, we had a breakthrough the other day because he nonchalantly asked me to record Russian Dolls because he “wanted to see what it was all about.” I cried a small tear and thanked my lucky stars I found my soulmate.

ChristiWampler August 14, 2011 at 11:04 pm

OMG, you need to worship at his feet for that one. And seriously, why do they rewatch sports games? Jesus…

Lindsay August 14, 2011 at 11:37 pm

I semi-understand only because his team finally won the Stanley Cup, but he has at least 4 of the 7 games of that series saved, on DVR, in High Def, plus 2 different channels 4 hour coverage of the parade! And all this footage has since been released on DVD!!! I swear, if I miss one minute of a Teen Mom or Bridezillas episode I’m leaving.

Rebecca August 15, 2011 at 9:50 pm

No room on the DVR for sports…. I still have the royal wedding saved! Including some pre-shows. I threatened to cut something off the hubs ever touched it. MODG, the Wonder Pets (I think Nick Jr.) has a duck named Ming Ming…. I’m thinking Asian….

Kari August 17, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Oh you guys have to check out “the upside down show” on nikjr. sometimes the kids will be in bed alteady when the tv auto tunes to it. 25 minutes later my husband & I realize we are completely into “action fingers” & imaginary flies. It’s a riot.

kelly m August 17, 2011 at 6:37 pm

Yeah… I bet you’re into “action fingers” with your husband.

MODG August 14, 2011 at 10:16 pm

SERIOUSLY. I’m in way over my head with these kid shows. I have no idea what any of you are talking about. I do not want to see any sort of band in concert. THAT’S A THING? KILL ME.

Carissa August 14, 2011 at 10:37 pm

We took our son to YGG Live when he was about 20 months and he LOVED it. Biz was there and so was another show regular….but I’ve forgotten the chick’s name now.

Jilly- J's Mom August 15, 2011 at 5:52 pm

I have a feeling 1 year from now you will be blogging about how bad ass those kid concert things are. I’d put money on it. And what I mean by that is you’re a good mom who gets into the kid stuff!

Krista August 14, 2011 at 10:19 pm

Want a whiny bitch to hate? Watch Caillou on Sprout. He is the worst. My kids love the nursery rhymes on demand. Kids > baby boost > baby genius. I call them magic songs for my 7 month old. Hypnotizing. They are each 10 min. long, so a quick hit and the kids chill.

KB August 14, 2011 at 11:09 pm

I seriously hate that whiney bitch Caillou. Does he have cancer? Why is he bald? And why is it ok that his mom has a front butt? She looks like she’s pregnant but she already had his horrible sister Rosie. Hate. Caillou.

Bree August 15, 2011 at 2:24 am

Ugg…Caillou is the worst! Yes he is a whiny bitch but my son loved him for awhile…i actually dvr’d that bitch because he knew as soon caillou was over it was bedtime. I could make him go to bed whenever I wanted :)

Rachel August 15, 2011 at 9:31 am

Totally hate Caillou, and my daughter *loved* it for about a year! UGH!!!!!!

grateful to Bee August 16, 2011 at 12:38 pm

My daughter (she’s 3, almost 4) LOVES Caillou. I can watch most kiddie cartoons with her, but Caillou is definitely one I put on when I need to walk away for 5… or 30 minutes.

Mindy Clarke August 15, 2011 at 9:27 am

OMG! Krista, I am with you.. Caillou drives me crazy.. and I keep seeing this one episode about building a house and eating cheese sandwiches and it makes me want to DIE. My son claps his hands and giggles though.. so really I have no choice. I have been trying to get him to like Jake and the Neverland Pirates – but does not seem interested…
I have recently discovered Shrek Ever After – and it’s a win win in our house – my kid will sit and watch almost the entire thing! It’s amazing.

Hillary August 15, 2011 at 9:35 am

Smart kids watch TV, funny kids disect TV shows. My 3 year old simply refers to Caillou as “Cry baby Caillou” and holds nothing back when it comes to teasing those kids that watch him.

MODG August 15, 2011 at 9:37 am

I don’t know of this Caillou but he sounds awful. Someone should start a website about this jackass

ChristiWampler August 15, 2011 at 9:50 am

Caillou is the WORST. If your son was in a class with Caillou, you wouldn’t let him be friends with him because he is the definition of LAME. And his parents wear the worst clothes and his grandma is a weird hippy. Not a good hippy, a weird one who doesn’t brush her hair and wears mismatched clothes. His parents are the definition of “We had kids and then all coolness stopped.” It’s just bad.

Krista August 15, 2011 at 10:13 am

I wanted to kill him after I let my daughter watch an episode where he goes to the dentist. I had been “prepping” her for her first check-up with books where Dora and Elmo go to the dentist – all positive, look how fun the dentist is, he has neat stuff and look we get a prize at the end. Turn on Caillou and he’s all, “I don’t waaaaant to go to the dentist. The dentist huuuurts.” Thanks Caillou. Never again.

Kiki August 15, 2011 at 10:35 am

Ugh! Caillou is a mommy killer!! My mother-in-law let my girls watch it and then I had to brain wash them with “Boo Caillou.” He is such a whiner and my girls know nothing makes mommy crazier faster than whinning! Ok, deep breath . . . release the Caillou evil thoughts . . .

MODG — We love Curious George on PBS. He does a lot of math and sciency stuff. He is probably the “a**hole” cause he is alway the one that needs to learn the rules — cause he is a monkey and doesn’t know anything.

Katrina August 14, 2011 at 10:19 pm

My 10 1/2 month old LOVES Yo Gabba Gabba! We watch it On Demand, and my little mover sits still for 27 minutes of heaven. The songs also get stuck in my husband’s head and he walks around singing them. I smile every time because then he knows what i listen to every day.

RachelCano August 14, 2011 at 10:29 pm
colleen August 14, 2011 at 10:32 pm

“that other guy is LITERALLY a one eyed monster. So just relax and maybe spend some of your free time on that unibrow.” easily the best line of the post. um….i don’t know about number 3 but it sounds right up my alley.

Aja August 14, 2011 at 10:34 pm

Seriously!!! Russian Dolls! Who knew there was a whole BrightonBeachRussianWorld right here in America where grandmas belly dance and the local country club is a freakin BATH HOUSE!??

Kelly August 14, 2011 at 10:46 pm

Just wait until you see Special Agent Oso….I curse at the tv every f-ing time

rachel August 15, 2011 at 12:10 am

omg! I was so going to say oso! Stupid f-ing bear listen to the instructions! We watch pretty much only disney and I think my favorite thing about summer is that special agent oso is on before we get up. And to the above post the only thing worse than oso is the imagination movers. Side note- even my husband who hates cartoons will watch phineas and ferb.

Lindsey August 14, 2011 at 10:46 pm

other kids shows you can scream at….

this is from the wiggles and is absolutely ridiculous

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDHSbrPZH4A

Megan M. August 14, 2011 at 11:27 pm

I think that I have Wiggles Stockholm Syndrome. The other day the less creepy version of this song came on while my ipod was on shuffle so I started singing along AND THE BABY WASN”T EVEN IN THE CAR WITH ME.

As a side note, I was totally the smug no TV mom until my daughter got the stomach flu when she was a year old. Then all bets were off and now I am forced to be quietly smug about all my other choices, like breastfeeding her until she gets her drivers’ license.

ChristiWampler August 15, 2011 at 9:51 am

Megan, I’m so glad you had the TV smugness, too.

mckennah August 14, 2011 at 10:47 pm

Again hilarious, only you can talk about cartoons and cause women to cry from laughter

Some suggested shows for little G. Team Umizoomie and Bubble Guppies.

Jane August 14, 2011 at 10:55 pm

Agree!! My sone loves these and they are way less annoying.

Marley August 14, 2011 at 11:06 pm

My son is into these exact shows. I love the song from the Bubble Guppies Crayon Prix episode!

Hillary August 15, 2011 at 9:37 am

Totally agree, the Bubble Guppies are great! Love the music. Line up everybody.

MODG August 15, 2011 at 9:39 am

what is with the names of these shows? Bubble Guppies and Umizoobie? I feel like I could make up 5 kid shows right now

smooshysmoosh
fancyzipzop
toodletinks
pimpyhopimp
zoooooks

Ashleigh August 15, 2011 at 2:41 pm

http://doodlebops.com/
You’re welcome:-)
I think the names have something to do with a child’s ability to pronounce them. If a shows name is too difficult for a two-year-old to say, they can’t ask for it, so they make them easy to remember and say. If they can’t say it they make up a name for it. Trust me, nothing is worse than not being able to figure out what your kid is asking for, it makes them angry.

Nicole August 16, 2011 at 12:18 am

Also try The Backyardigans. Its so soothing very happy and pastel.

Marjorie August 16, 2011 at 10:24 am

YES! YES! YES to Team Umizoomie and Bubble Guppies. Viv kisses all over the tv when Bubble Guppies comes on.

We also love Yo Gabba Gabba, Fresh Beat Band, Backyardigans, and – though I’m apparently alone here – Imagination Movers. My son was OBSESSED with the Movers and would cry if he didn’t get up early enough to watch them before we left for work in the morning.

Also try Wheel of Fortune and the weather channel. Viv gets excited and claps for both of them and I feel like a good mom.

April August 14, 2011 at 10:47 pm

Will you be my friend? You totally speak my language! I’ve said before that Brobee is a bitch! People look at me like I’m the crazy one!

Deanna August 14, 2011 at 10:49 pm

Max and Ruby irritate the SHIT outta me! Why hasn’t Ruby realized that a harness is the only flippin’s solution? And where the F are their parents????

Joanna August 14, 2011 at 11:05 pm

hahhahaha. I always think the same thing… Max and Ruby make me want to stab my eyes out.

Susan August 14, 2011 at 11:12 pm

I secondthirdfourth this! Max and Ruby. WTF? Ruby is the biggest B on the bunny planet. Just let the little dude BE you harpy nag! How do they have a Grandma across town but no ‘rents?

Jill August 14, 2011 at 11:41 pm

Max and Ruby are the worst. I yell at the tv during this program. The worst part is it teaches kids that braindead morons like ruby can be left in charge of naughty bastards like max. And max’s assholeness always “helps” ruby in the end so the moral appears to be act like an asshole and save the day. I swear my blood pressure sky rockets during this show.

modg August 15, 2011 at 9:39 am

oh man another show I don’t know about. I already hate them.

ChristiWampler August 15, 2011 at 9:52 am

Another example of suckage. Ruby is the biggest nerd ever. She is bossy and a know-it-all and dresses like one of Michelle Duggar’s daughters.

demi August 15, 2011 at 7:52 pm

I was JUST GOING TO SAY max and ruby! isabel loves the shit out of it and drives me bonkers. it’s about a bitch big sister yelling at her younger brother for always wanting to do boy stuff. he is a boy and all friggin ruby! it’s so terrible. like where are there parents??! it’s always just them two in an empty house. wtf?!?!!

ashlie August 15, 2011 at 9:26 pm

I know! Ruby is such a bitch!

Lynzie August 15, 2011 at 11:31 pm

OMG I f’ing hate Max and Ruby! My son had a severe attachment to that show and thought it was ok to just say one word sentences again just like Max. Max needs to get smacked and Ruby is a total dork. I ask my son where their mom is and he says they dont have one. Nice values they are teaching kids. Now he watches Olivia which looks like another dumb show about a pig family. I don’t stick around to watch that one but he hasnt picked up any naughty habits from it yet. He also loves Tom and Jerry but I had to ban him from it when I caught him stealing my push pins to stab his stuffed animals in the butt like Tom and Jerry do. Stay away from Tom and Jerry!!!

Jane August 14, 2011 at 10:54 pm

So I have been reading your stuff from, like, way before the whole Pink & Green fiasco but I never comment cause I know you get wicked Danny Tanner love from everyone here on the google webs. However, this is so comment worthy cause even before you outed Brobee as a bigger beotch than the other people involved in the earlier mentioned Pink & Green situation, I was totally thinking it. Brobee is a complaining, whinny, annoying little piece of crap. If I could take this child’s cartoon figure out back, I would then present him with a tube sock filled with pennies and then beat the ever loving crap out of him. Too harsh you say? Well my son, Alex is a little over 2, and G is a few months shy of 1, so give it a few months you will be cruising Walmart for a special on socks and scavenging your car for loose change. Just sayin’. And if you need an accomplice….I mean “help”, let me know.

jane

Kelly August 14, 2011 at 10:54 pm

1) Big Rich Texas.

No kids here, so I got nothin’ for 2) or 3)

4) You make me laugh.

Jen @familyfoodfitnessandfun August 14, 2011 at 10:59 pm

You want ultra Bitch? 4 letters. D-O-R-A.

ChristiWampler August 14, 2011 at 11:06 pm

I despise Dora. My damn mom got my son watching it while I was in the hospital pushing out his baby brother. I come home with a new baby, and my toddler is speaking Spanish and watching some mismatched dork and her band of merry morons. I will never forgive her. Never.

modg August 15, 2011 at 9:40 am

wanna hear whats worse? KIDS SEE ME AND SAY “LOOK DORA”

ChristiWampler August 15, 2011 at 9:53 am

Unless you are wearing mismatched clothes that are a size too small, I don’t see the resemblance! Do you yell when you talk and repeat yourself 90 times? “SAY BACKPACK! BACKPACK! BACKPACK! BACKPACK!”

Kiki August 15, 2011 at 10:47 am

They must be referencing the new cool, slightly grown-up Dora not that squatty little girl Dora. You are much more Kai Lin than Dora . . . .

Ps. My one daughter has always hated Dora and I am sooooo good with that!

GiGi August 14, 2011 at 11:00 pm

Hilarious blog today!!!! My kid H A T E S Yo Gabba Gabba. I tried to get him interested because they sometimes do have cool indie rock artists as musical guests. OK NO, they aren’t always performing their own songs, but I’ll take what I can get, since going to concerts to see them is pretty much a thing of the past. SADS. (Going to see the indie rockers, NOT Yo Gabba Gabba in concert. AS IF!) But Kid is not down with this show. At all. Now if you really want to enjoy an acid trip of a kids show, might I suggest the Boohbahs. They are no longer on TV, but I rented a DVD for Kid and he was mesmerized. Truth! They are a lot like the Teletubbies, only trippier. Speaking of Teletubbies, try them as well.
As far as adult things you are missing out on, I’m not sure, but I am totally addicted to Tumblr right now.

Marjorie August 16, 2011 at 10:25 am

Boohbahs were SOOOO trippy! They did the weirdest shit. It was like Yo Gabba Gabba meets Teletubbies and they drop acid together. I would catch myself watching an entire episode and there wouldn’t even be kids in the room. It just sucks you in!

Maranda August 14, 2011 at 11:19 pm

Ho Ho really is an annoying little dumbass, isn’t he? But the Mr. Miyagi-esque grandpa makes the whole show worth it. I also love Yo Gabba Gabba and so does my 3 year old. Actually, his 3rd birthday party was YGG themed. I didn’t want to do it, but he really loves it, so that’s what we did. And I even got fake DJ Lance glasses for people to wear… hilarious and totally worth the money spent. At first I hated that show with a passion, but I’m pretty sure its some kind of cult and they worked their mind control magic on me and now I love it. The worst part would have to be Leslie Hall and the gold spandex jumpsuit that she wears which is CLEARLY about 4 sizes to small–it is wrong on about 12 levels. Have you seen her yet? If not, see here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5pgUbxMsHQ

Razzle Dazzle, bitches!!!!

I agree with everyone who said Fresh Beat Band sucks–it is the worst thing I have ever seen in my life. But of course the kid loves that one too. Bubble Guppies and Team Umizoomi are pretty good though.

Megan U. August 14, 2011 at 11:29 pm

Oh my fucking god….the hair, the glasses, the makeup….the gasp…fringe!!! i just cant make my brain understand and id say its wrong on about 15 different levels oye vay

drea August 14, 2011 at 11:57 pm

We did a Yo Gab party for my kid too. It was awesome, because we played great music and just let the kids dance the whole time. I loved it. Plus, we had party favors that were animal cracker boxes with paper over them that looked like the boombox. It was genius.

ChristiWampler August 15, 2011 at 9:54 am

Leslie Hall is my IDOL. I always forget she’s on there sometimes. +1 YGG.

KarenaGonzalez August 16, 2011 at 2:36 pm

I have never seen (thank God) Yo Gabba Gabba and just had my first taste with your link. I will pass times a million! My son love Phineas and Ferb and I don’t know what else because I hate cartoons and don’t have the attention span to watch them with him! I just know if I hear the word “stupid” like on Spongebob, or see the scruffy nasty beards like on Fairly Odd Parents, it get’s added to the list of banned shows!

Megan U. August 14, 2011 at 11:24 pm

Two word for you my lovelies… Wonder Pets!! That effing duck, turtle and hamster are the shiiiit! The theme song will get stuck in your head for days and days… :) They can magically make a flying car out of toys! yes i watched that show before my daughter was even born, ultimate sad/pathetic face!!

L August 14, 2011 at 11:49 pm

Yes! Wonder Pets! MODG, there is a duck in that show and his name is MING MING, that is all :) Oh and Charlie & Lola on Disney, kids cartoons are cuter in a English accent!

MODg August 15, 2011 at 9:41 am

Aw charlie is my cat and Lola is my DEAD cat. I need to watch that.

Tracy August 15, 2011 at 10:18 am

My husband is from England and the first time he heard the wonder pets here he was like what the hell is this? Apparently they dub a lot of our shows with cute english accents. Why doesn’t BBC America have a kid’s channel?

Janina August 14, 2011 at 11:32 pm

One word: Calliou. My 6 year old and I change the lyrics to suit the way he acts… “I’m just a little brat named Caaaaaaaaillou!”

Drea August 14, 2011 at 11:55 pm

Did you see the episode with The Roots? It is fantastic. I could listen to the Family song all day long, I love it so much. Then my kids sing it and I love them so much because OMG my kids are singing The Roots.

Brobee seems like a whiny little shit until your kid turns 3. Then all of the sudden, you get why Brobee celebrates his 4th birthday on the birthday episode. Because that is how every 3 and some 4 (and probably 5, but I’m really hoping not) year olds act. The whining makes you want to gouge your ears out. I’m pretty sure Tony Hawk created Brobee so parents could emulate the fact that Foofa and Muno help him get through his tantrums with fun and games instead of beating him with the boombox. At least DJ Lance has awesome bands to drown out the noise.

modg August 15, 2011 at 9:41 am

you know what? in my ho ho reasearch, I found out that he is ALSO 3. This spells drama for 3

Jill August 14, 2011 at 11:56 pm

This post is hilarious! I seriously almost peed. You took the words out of my mouth. Spend a day watching Nick Jr and you’ll discover a new world from the cool songs in-between shows and the lesson learning moose with his bird friend to some of the most annoying yet addicting shows. You’ll find a character to hate from every show. It took me forever to discover Wubbzy was a boy. The Bobo brothers from Diego need a serious dose of ritalin. I could go on forever! The best is when you’ve watched fresh beat band so many times you can sing and do the dance to go bananas and it was a great day, or when your kid throws out Spanish or Chinese into everyday sentences and you’re like what the hell did you just say?! Tv may not be a babysitter but it sure is a great activity that you don’t have to clean up afterwards.

Nikki August 15, 2011 at 2:23 am

WOW I AM BLOWN AWAY. I didn’t know Wubbzy is a boy O_O I was totally wondering about that.

ChristiWampler August 15, 2011 at 9:57 am

Jill, I think we are soul sisters. You just described my life. I have seriously considered trying to learn the choreography to “Go Bananas” just so I can exercise while my kid zones out to that crap. I love Moose A Moose, hate the Bobos and know all the words to FBB songs. Did you know the dark headed girl is dating Wayne Brady? #themoreyouknow

Marjorie August 16, 2011 at 10:28 am

My 1 yr old daughter is OBSESSSED with Moose and Z! I wish there was a Moose and Z show or dvd I could get her. And she loves the music train that plays right before they show a music video. I can’t remember what it’s called. She comes crawling as fast as she can whenever she hears Moose or the music train.

Erin August 16, 2011 at 11:08 am

The train thing is called Choo-Choo Soul (With Genevieve!) My daughter loved that also. She’s doesn’t watch it anymore, but I can still remember a lot of the songs! They get stuck in your head for sure!

Marjorie August 16, 2011 at 11:13 am

We’ve seen Choo Choo Soul, but I mean the little video that plays on Nick Jr between shows. It’s like a train full of crazy music instruments and then they play a music clip from a show – like they show a Yo Gabba Gabba song or something.

Sarah August 15, 2011 at 12:30 am

Sweet CHRIST, Ho Ho is the worst. The other day I was loading the dishwasher listening to Ho Ho whine about not wanting to do xyz because it was “so…diffffferent” and not liking this snack because it’s “sooo…different” and I said to my hubband, man this dildo named Ho ho is totally teaching our baby to be a brat. He was like, “the baby is 11 wks old – this show isn’t teaching him anything. And yeah, Ho Ho is a total asshole. I think he point is that it teaches them to NOT be like that.”

I had no idea he had even been paying attention (while he was working from home) and here he was, apparently “getting” the moral of the show and explaining it to me. Shit. And thank GOD for gabba gabba. Those songs are HIGH QUALITY.

Joanie August 15, 2011 at 12:35 am

Im told FOOFA means vagina in hawaiian. Just so all you mothers out there know before you go dressing your kid up like a vagina for halloween.

eileen marie August 15, 2011 at 8:32 pm

BWAHAHAHAHA!!

Amanda August 15, 2011 at 1:24 am
Emily August 15, 2011 at 9:48 pm

OMG I love you for posting this.

Courtney August 15, 2011 at 1:49 am

Be honest…. were you a little bit drunk when you wrote this blog? I can smell Sauvignon Blanc from here. js

modg August 15, 2011 at 9:42 am

i’ll be honest, i’m rarely sober when writing. If I am, you’ll know it.

Courtney August 18, 2011 at 1:08 am

Thought so. :)

Nikki August 15, 2011 at 2:21 am

No kids but I have baby-sat my nephews and now I baby-sit a 5 year old. Dude somehow we ended up watching Ni Hao Kai-Lan last week, and stupid Ho Ho and that tiger broke the roller coaster and ran away. And Kai-Lan pronounces her numbers really strange sometimes. Eh. And I saw Yo Gabba Gabba with my boyfriend’s baby cousin… We made fun of the Jumping Jellyfish for a really long time. Hah!

Blue’s Clues is where it’s at. I watched that until I was a teenager >_>

And I’ve seen Dora so many times, my best friend in middle school’s little brother liked watching it. Guah.

xD

Since with the 5 year old we end up watching something from the Kids Multiview, I’ve seen Wow Wow Wubbzy (ambivalent on that one), Ni Hao Kai-Lan (yeeeeah I don’t care for it), Olivia (the pig right?), and this really cute one with a girl named Willow. Super cute little girl :D

But yeah. Kid’s shows :\

Nikki August 15, 2011 at 2:25 am

OH YES there was also some show with this mini super heroes? One was pink and the other was green I think. I thought it was pretty funny, the episode I saw had this bear.. who squirted glue… all over himself… SO he’s standing there… with white stuff… all over him…. HAHAHAHA I’m a perv :<

Bree August 15, 2011 at 2:30 am

We do Disney junior in the morning, Special Agent Oso, Little Einsteins (they totally play classical music and show famous art), mickey mouse clubhouse and Jake and the Neverland Pirates. We used to be a sprout family but my little guy has moved beyond it. I woke up to The Wiggles and even shelled out money to take him to see The Wiggles…LIVE…in concert…for 40 bucks a piece. I am an idiot!

Bitchin Sister August 15, 2011 at 7:55 am

Evidently you haven’t yet witnessed the colossal douche bunny that is Ruby. Max and Ruby. Check it out. Max is mute and his older, bitchface sister just bosses him around with a voice that is a cross between Charro and the Countess LuAnn. Oh. And they don’t have parents. I hate her so much.

L August 15, 2011 at 9:05 am

Good god. I have no idea what anyone on here is talking about. Sorry. However, I can tell you what’s good in the non-kid realms. (In no particular order.)
1.) Dance Moms.
2.) RHONJ. I’m sure you’re watching this crapshow already but whoa these women bananas. What the hell was BIlly Joel’s daughter doing on there?
3.) Speaking of New Jersey, apparently Dina has her own show called Dina’s Party that starts this fall. Can’t wait.
4.) HGTV Design Star. It’s so painful it’s good.
5.) Franklin and Bash – Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Breckin Meyer (Travis from Clueless) are lawyers. It’s new and I like it and I can watch it with my boyfriend because it’s not reality tv.
6.) Guiliana and Bill – Does anyone else watch this? I feel like I’m the only one. Sometimes it’s really awful but mostly really funny.
7.) Teen Mom – my old stand-by. I can always count on this show.
8.) Weeds- duh
9.) Boardwalk Empire – I cannot wait for this to start again.

Mindy Clarke August 15, 2011 at 9:39 am

On Franklin and Bash sometimes MPG takes his shirt off and you’ll be all – oh Zach Morris you’ve been working out! HOT.
Also I am going to add onto L’s list – BTW.. for some reason I LOVE USA (the network.. and also the country..)!!
10. White Collar – because Neil Caffery is HOT
11. Covert Affairs – bc I think I would be an AWESOME CIA agent! I would rock it intelligent style! WORD!
12. HIMYM – Neil Patrick Harris makes my week
and for my guilty pleasure….. Ice loves Cocoa! It’s a piece of shit show – but GD I love it.

Krista August 15, 2011 at 10:10 am

I totally watch Giuliana and Bill!

Mindy August 15, 2011 at 11:11 am

Love 2, 6, Definitely 7 and 9. The other person who said Big Rich Texas, yes, that show is amazing. It’s like a Real Housewives knock off. Also, Tia and Tamera, how has nobody said this yet?? It’s their new reality show, one of them is pregnant and the other one is getting married. I think they cried like 3 different times in the first episode alone.

Deanna August 15, 2011 at 11:45 am

14. ONE WORD: Curb Your Enthusiasm!!!

L August 15, 2011 at 2:38 pm

I cannot believe I forgot the best one of all.
10.) Bethenney! Crazytown.

L August 15, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Sorry…make that 15. Hurry and fill up that DVR before football season starts.

Marjorie August 16, 2011 at 10:34 am

I just discovered Russian Dolls this weekend while lying on the couch with a feverish baby for 3 days straight. I ran out of stuff to watch and started surfing through On Demand and watched all sorts of bizarre shit. Russian Dolls might we one of me new favorites! Also love:
The Glee Project
Awkward (on mtv)
My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding (seriously INSANE weddings)
Millionaire Matchmaker
Most Eligible Dallas (it’s called something like that, I think it premiered last night).

Jamie August 15, 2011 at 9:28 am

My kid would watch 18 hours a day of the Fresh Beat Band if I let her. It’s really the only thing she likes other than Toy Story 3. Btw Twist is definitely the asshole on the fresh beat band….he always has the dumbest ideas.

Deanna August 15, 2011 at 5:41 pm

You ain’t kidding Jamie. Twist IS a complete asshole!

Angela August 15, 2011 at 9:41 am

Confession: I started watching Yo Gabba Gabba while I was pregnant. My younger, childless coworker made me start- she went (sans child) to see the live show…that show is awesome. I am a little upset about your smack-talk about Brobee…he is my favorite! Think of him as less whiney, more surfer-y. Also, I think Foofa is the whiny brat…so I suppose we’ll have to agree to disagree on that one. Thankfully, my guy loves it.

My little guy is 10 months and he can’t get enough Diego. Skip Dora, she is a bitch, but Diego is awesome. He helps animals. Then again, my son will also stare at the screen while my husband plays video games…so maybe his tv preferences shouldn’t be considered?

And Russian Dolls is SO my new obsession…what is up with Marina? What a bitch! And why are there dudes cast as Dolls?

Megs August 15, 2011 at 9:54 am

1. Here’s a little secret my pedi shared with me: they only make that recommendation about no TV before 2 years because some people are such morons that if they were told some TV is ok for babies, then they’d stick their kid in a bouncer in front of the idiot box all day long every day. She said if letting the munchkin watch a few minutes of creepy baby shows buys you time to shower/eat/stay sane/etc then more power to you. Like everything else in life, moderation is key.
2. My kid loves Cat in the Hat on PBS. He turns into instant zombie baby when that shit is on.
3. I can’t stomach YGG, mainly because one of the characters looks like a giant vibrator. Does no one else think this?

sara August 15, 2011 at 10:07 am

you’re my favorite ;)

Sarah August 15, 2011 at 10:09 am

I hope someone has told you about Domo Kun. He’s an Asian turd. Try Netflix. You Tube will come through if Netflix can’t.

Tracy August 15, 2011 at 10:11 am

Ok, so. I’m reading this and almost pissing myself laughing and in walks my boss looking at me like I need mental help or she should call security. Well I almost showed her the website but her granddaughter likes Justin Beeeeeber, and really there is no helping that kid. Anyway I digress. When my daughter was that age, I was only able to do anything if I had on American Chopper. I mean I guess it wasn’t the best parenting decision, but those dudes are animated! Now that she’s older at the ripe age of 6, she is all about that Boomerang channel. She loves her some Johnny Quest. Which I think is the most racist show in the history of shows… but if it keeps her from playing with knives and crazy shit while I’m in the shower, it’s a win.

Rachel @Running Backwards in High Heels August 15, 2011 at 10:17 am

Umm.. I had to scroll a long ass ways down just to freaking comment. Are you getting too popular, MODG? Anyway.. I have Handy Manny. How the hell can he fix a front porch in a 10 second song.. and his tools are whiny.

Amy August 15, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Handy Manny is a non-stop stream of “That’s what she said” waiting to happen. “Hey, let’s go nail something!” Uh, hammer just said what?!

ChristiWampler August 15, 2011 at 10:43 pm

Don’t you want him and Kelly to just do it already? Jeez, sexual tension much? “Kelly’s always got what I need!” Just screw her, Manny!

Erin August 16, 2011 at 11:18 am

I can’t watch Handy Manny because I can’t get the fact that it’s Fez from That 70’s Show out of my head. Apparently Wilmer Valdarama had nothing better to do.

Mindy Clarke August 16, 2011 at 4:14 pm

I turned it on one day because Wilmer Valderama (seriously, the name!) was the voice – and it annoys me. They say random words in Spanish – and it’s not even like, and the spanish word for school is Escuela – it’s more like let’s go to school, Escuela. It annyos the shit out of me.
I totally agree that HM and Kelly need to hook it up cartoon network after dark style! Seriously, Kelly has everything, I can get it at Kelly’s..
Plus Mr. Lopart is F-ing annoying – his voice KILLS ME!

Cynthia August 15, 2011 at 10:29 am

Dumbest show ever? How about WonderPets?!?!? Lenny, Tuck, and MING MING TOO!!!

Ming ming is the asshole. He’s a duck with a speech impediment. And every show he says “This is sewious!” And he tried to let Tuck (the turtle) die during one episode because he wanted Lenny (the Guinea Pig) all to himself. I find the entire show creepy, but my son L-O-V-E-S it.

I blame my sitter… she had a crush on Ming Ming.

Oh and Blues Clues is DA BOMB!! They show reruns of that on Nick JR and my son is ADDICTED!! He’s been watching it since he was 6 months old and STILL LOVES IT! Joe sucks though. Steve is awesome!

Fancy Pants August 15, 2011 at 10:44 am

Ming Ming is a girl. That makes her the bitch.

Cynthia August 16, 2011 at 11:26 am

WHOA! Ming ming is a girl?!?!? Seriously?!?!? You just totally blew my mind. I’ve been watching this show pretty regularly for at least 8 months and I had no idea.

Next, you’re going to turn my world upside down by revealing that Zoe is really just Elmo’s tranny alter-ego. Even though they’re seen together during scenes on the Street… sometimes I just wonder… They’re both so darned annoying that I can’t imagine anyone creating TWO characters like that. It must just be the same puppet in drag.

FancyPants August 17, 2011 at 12:14 pm

LOLZ

Fancy Pants August 15, 2011 at 10:42 am

You want a show with multiple assholes, but also has awesome songs, dancing, people, and puppets? LAZYTOWN!!!!!!! It used to be on Noggin/Nick Jr. but it got cancelled. I can’t understand why. You can see LazyTown September 5th on Sprout at 8:30am ET, and 2pm ET. (Totally ripped that last sentence off the Sprout website.) The show is from Iceland. The country of hot men who are former gymnasts. Awesome!!!!!! My daughter is 3 and she loves this show to pieces. Check out this song from their pirate episode:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3N2k5gEgE2E
And while you’re at it, check out all the other LazyTown videos there. Another reason to watch- the villain looks like this IRL:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Stefan_karl_073_small.jpg
I bet he makes sexy babies.

Kyla August 15, 2011 at 10:44 am

The Penguins of Madagascar is totally adult friendly! As for “educational” ones my kids like (best to lessen guilt, right?!) Guess with Jess, Mickey Mouse clubhouse, Cat in the Hat, Backyardigans and Diego and Dora (the repetativeness is so annoying but that’s how kids learn so I suck it up and turn it on.) Worst shows…Toopy and Binoo make me want to gouge my eyes out and caillou is the whiniest little shit i’ve ever seen. If you want to see an acid trip of a kids show watch In The Night Garden. Daytime Mom shows…Ellen..she’s funny and I never have to worry about my kids seeing inappropriate stuff and the kids always dance to the music

Me August 15, 2011 at 11:34 am

I DVRd Penguins waaaaaay before I even knew I was preg. It’s hilarious!

Me August 15, 2011 at 11:32 am

Sort of unreleated….. MODG what kind of cereal do you give G? My son is 4 months and I am debating on whether to give him Plum Organics or Beechnut. Also, when did you start?

BTW- G may be too young for this now but Thundercats is back on!

MODG August 15, 2011 at 2:57 pm

we do baby led weaning. So minimal cereal. More hand held veggies, fruits, etc.

Stef August 15, 2011 at 11:41 am

Ok so I remember this debate that occured exactly 2.3 days prior to me having my son (ok maybe I’m off on the exact date). This friend of mine was all “No way am I allowing my children to watch tv. That’s horrible – they’ll be addicted to it forever after that.” At the time I was like – “oh yeah me either – TV is poison”. All the while I’m really thinking is “I DON’t GIVE A SHIT WHAT MY BABY WATCHES JUST GET THIS F-ING BABY OUT RIGHT GD NOW!” Then I discovered this magical thing called “My baby can read” Seriously my son will stop in his TRACKS to watch it. Whether it works or not I can successfully make lunch and/or dinner, load the dishwasher, wipe down the counter (and the 17 other things I’ve managed to master in the 27 minutes that dvd takes) all while he’s so enticed by the noise, lights and kids on there he hasn’t even noticed the cats that just walked past him. Now I’m already planning to update the DVR to record these shows…soo long ESPN

erin August 15, 2011 at 11:48 am

My kid is almost 4 months and this post scared the shit out of me. This is an unfortunate fate I have to look forward to.
Thank god Barney is dead…Barney IS dead…right?

Krista August 15, 2011 at 12:27 pm

Nope. Not sure if it’s reruns or not, but it is on right before Sesame Street on PBS here

ChristiWampler August 15, 2011 at 8:04 pm

No, Barney is alive and well. Until I get a hold of him.

Danielle DeLacy August 15, 2011 at 11:58 am

This post killed me! “ARE YOU SERIOUS KAI LAN?” omg. That is gold.

Marie August 15, 2011 at 12:12 pm

The kid show seem to be WAY cooler these days compared to when my kids were little. I’m jealous. All I know is Elmo got me through each morning so I could have some coffee and not loose it. Thomas the Tank Engine ensured dinner would be made. Couldn’t handle Barney though. There has to be a line crossed in the sand somewhere. Now it’s just a battle to keep the adult shows locked down and away from my young teens……like True Blood.

Domesticated Gal August 15, 2011 at 12:16 pm

Your post makes me want to get cable. Had I known there was something Other than Barney out there? Totally would have made room in the budget for cable this year…

Meli August 15, 2011 at 12:18 pm

So this is it, huh? This is what MODG has come to, eh? Hoes who like it rough…..go figure!?!

kathy August 15, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Does anyone do Baby Einsteins? My grandson watched videos of “Baby” Einstein and then graduated to Little Einstens and at 3 he could tell you about the Great Wall of China and that the Eifel Tower is in France, etc.

Cassidy August 15, 2011 at 12:40 pm

I watched Little Einsteins with my daughter once, it was the dumbest thing next to Wonder Pets. It had such potential to actually teach kids something, but it takes a really dumb approach, of course in my opinion.

Marjorie August 16, 2011 at 10:39 am

I LOVE Little Einsteins! My son is almost 5 and has watched it practically his whole life. We were at IHOP a few weeks ago and they had well-known landmarks on their menu: Tower of Pisa, Taj Mahal, Great Wall of China, Eiffel Tower, and a few others. He could identify every single one of them AND tell me what country they were in. Totally blew my mind. He said he learned about those places on Little Einsteins and Wonder Pets.

Marjorie August 16, 2011 at 11:20 am

Just realized that kathy is my mom so we’re totally talking about the same genius kid. I still can’t get over that my mom now reads (and comments on) the same blogs as me. Hi mom!

Cassidy August 15, 2011 at 12:36 pm

I think everyone has covered all of the super annoying kid shit on tv. I have a five year old which makes me a Nick Jr graduate (not really the honor I made it sound like). Once you graduate from Nick Jr, you move on to Disney (or Disney Jr or Disney XD or one of the other billion versions of the same exact thing) you get shows like Shake it Up, Wizards of Waverly Place (you think Selen Gomez is a bitch in real life, she’s got nothing on her character in this show) Phineas and Ferb which at first glace seems kind of cool, I mean they have a platypus, but after about twice you realize it’s the same shit for every episode the two boys make a huge roller coaster (or some sort of engineering equivalent) and then cause a whole bunch of chaos and the big sister tries to get them in trouble, but they get away with it every time. Reasons I did like Nick Jr are no commercials, (which means my kid isn’t running in every 10 mins with “MOM I JUST HAVE TO HAVE_______) no Calliou, and Olivia who is the coolest pig I’ve never met.

Jules August 15, 2011 at 1:04 pm

My kid is 6 months old – I haven’t caved to letting her “watch” TV yet, but it’s always on through the day. Oddly the only thing that makes her whip her head around to watch it is the theme song to Law & Order.

Ivy August 15, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Umm, my cousin who is a dancer, alternates playing Brobee with another dancer, on the show…for realz! She has taken my other cousin and her kid on a backstage tour of the YGG set (me not so much because my boys are not into the YGG). But I will let her know that she should stop playing Brobee as a whiny *itch (edited cuz I am at work).

Deanna August 15, 2011 at 5:50 pm

Ivy – for reelz??? You are related to a celebrity!! But – no offense to you or your cousin – they need a dancer for those characters? Wowza… that’s some serious bizniss right there!

ZDub August 15, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Zoe asked the other day if a skunk old live in a tree. Troy said, “Skanks (he meant skunks) will spray me and I will need a tomato bath”.

I asked him how he knew that and he was all, “Curious George.”.

We also learned about composting from Curious G as well. Get there.

P.S. Asian Troy sends his apologies to Baby G. He will try and be a better asian mentor.

Courtney August 15, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Rintoo is the Tiger and Tolee is the Koala. I only like Grandpa. YGG is pretty good at putting the kids in a trance. I kinda want to watch it while high one time. I hate Max and Ruby. I want to drop kick them. Wonderpets can suck a fat one because I get the song stuck in my head every time. Fresh Beats are ok. Songs are catchy. Backyardigans is where it’s at. Uniqua is the Britney of cartoons. Is it a boy or a girl? I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure it’s black and has that skin disease that Michael Jackson had. They have fun songs and aren’t really trying to teach anything. They just play pretend. And good old Sesame Street. You can’t go wrong.

Sara August 16, 2011 at 2:47 pm

I just wanted to tell you that the Backyardigans is the most tolerable of the cartoon bullshit… then I’m reading through and OMFGZ “Uniqua is the Britney of cartoons”… and I have to agree Uniqua and Tyrone are the black ones, along with possibly Tasha but I’m not totally sure. Pablo is the asshole of that show, always falling down and tripping over stuff. Austin is pretty much boring. But their songs are fine, they don’t make me want to stab myself in the ears.

britt August 15, 2011 at 2:38 pm

First, I LOVE TV too. It is my best friend. Second, I put cartoons on for my daughter who watches for like 2 minutes and then I get stuck watching it until its over because I have to know how it ends. Third, who makes these TV shows? I’m assuming they are all on acid or something. They are crazy. Fourth, check out Backyardigans. Pretty good.

Kaela August 15, 2011 at 3:31 pm

I haven’t weighed in in awhile, because honestly I can’t add anything to your awesomeness. But dude, haven’t you heard of Picture in Picture???? Like every tv made after 1997 has it.

Nicole August 15, 2011 at 4:11 pm

I’d love to see a post after you watch the show Caillou on Sprout. My son loves this show but I’ve banned it recently as I cannot stand his whiny ass voice. And why is he the only bald kid? Cancer patient? Who knows. You would have a hay-day with Caillou. :)

Tesla August 15, 2011 at 5:17 pm

No shows to tell you about, but this blog is the creator of Yo Gabba Gabba’s wife. Their daughter was born with a cleft lip and a lot of other stuff so most of it is about her surgeries and stuff, but it’s awesome. I only religiously follow two blogs – Yours and hers, so yeah, check it out.

http://ruthschultz.blogspot.com/2011/08/im-still-here.html

Liz August 15, 2011 at 5:24 pm

YGG and Backyardigans are my personal favorites, tho 3-year-old H LIVES for Kai Lan at the moment. We have to run it On Demand for him sometimes, or risk a major meltdown. Oh, and you will be headed straight to hell once you realize you can buy all these on iTunes and run them on the iPad. “iPad ! iPad ! iPad! Kai Lan iPad!”

I’ve always tried to cut Brobee a little slack since he is so obviously a little simple. And after you’ve seen this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjnwJXzp_-A it’s pretty clear that Foofa’s always so happy and bubbly because she’s on E. And just because it gives me a chance to post it, here’s Brad Pitt in his DJ Lance Halloween costume:
http://www.usmagazine.com/celebritynews/news/brad-costume-2009311

I really love Little Bear. It’s so storybook-y and quiet and mellowwwwww. When mommy’s had enough of crazy loud happy songs and super bright colors, Little Bear is where it’s at.

Kristie August 15, 2011 at 5:50 pm

Love your writing. Love your sense of humor. My kids are sitting (way too close to the TV-probably going blind as we speak) while I try to multi task scrambled eggs for dinner and reading blogs that make me smile so I can make it until bedtime without pulling out my toenails and fignernails. Keep it up MODG!

Philly Maggie August 15, 2011 at 6:36 pm

Word on Penguins of Madagascar………i want to go to happy hour with King Julian. For moms with older kids, Adventure Time is awesome and one of the writers is a good friend of mine. I never miss an episode. Mostly because im a nerd…….;)

Corinne August 15, 2011 at 7:11 pm

I used to work as a nanny, and thankfully, the TV was NOT off limits! The Wiggles used to drive me insane, but they did grow on me after awhile. Especially once I found out that all four of the guys had degrees in childhood learning and development or something like that. Yo Gabba Gabba didn’t start up until after my nanny-ing days were over though. It kind of sounds like I’m missing out!

Renee August 15, 2011 at 7:28 pm

Ok, so did you know that Yo Gabba Gabba does like a nation wide tour and you can bring your son when he is like 3 or something! My friend and her hubby surprised their daughter with it and I think they liked it even more than her bc she was like 2 and not quite sure how Brobee went from the tv to right in front of her, ha.

P.S. 137 comments in ummm NO TIME. Unbelievable. I usually try to read them for even more entertainment but today I so don’t have the energy. You however are clearly a blog goddess.

Renee August 15, 2011 at 7:30 pm

Oh also my 13 mo old has been obsessed with WonderPets since like 6 mo old. Not entertaining for me like Yo Gabba Gabba is, but it has cute songs that she loves. When she is upset in the car, if I start singing the theme song, (yes, I just admitted that) she instantly cheers up :)

demi August 15, 2011 at 7:56 pm

best post ever. i can TOTALLY understand your every view point and I have SCREAMED at the tv multiple times for these dumb ass cartoons. it IS hypnosis though. damit.

eileen marie August 15, 2011 at 8:31 pm

I don’t have cable -I legitimately don’t know about Russian Dolls among many other things, I am sure. But I never realized that one-eyed monster from the Kia commercial was real! (I mean like a TV character.) I am dying to see those shows now, but alas I work during the day…and I’ll bet they’re on CABLE. I just want to say, I know PLENTY of Asians (and non-asians, me being one of them) w/ Chicago accents, but I suppose you meant actual Asians, not Asian-Americans. That comment just about made me fall off of my chair -I HAVE to see this!! Thank God for YouTube!

PS:I bought that pouf in orange from CB2 (for our nursery *hopefully*), & I’m not even pregnant yet!

Erin August 15, 2011 at 8:37 pm

All I know is that you are the best thing I have found on the internet…EVER. This post just made my shitty day a whole lot brighter. Fupa? I love that you know that term, and I love your blog, and you give me faith that I,too, can be an awesome mom someday despite my sarcasm, obsession with wine, and potty mouth. Three cheers for MODG.

Jess @ Bringing Up Baby August 15, 2011 at 9:38 pm

TV is my life. It shall be my son’s life too.

I fucking hate Brobee. Is he retarded? No..seriously? Like, is he supposed to be special needs? Also? What’s with Toodee? They need to write that bitch off the show. She doesn’t do anything!

Russian Dolls is likely my new favorite show. Also? I wish it was an hour long. Also? I wish I was Russian. I hear it’s the new Asian…

I want to say more, but The Lying Game is on ABC Family right now and I’m pretty sure it’s going to be the best thing since Russian Dolls.

AR August 15, 2011 at 10:06 pm

Flipping hilarious! My husband laughed out loud TWICE! Unfortunately for me, he hates blogs. However, I think this post applied some street cred to the blog world in his eyes. Especially since he stays home with the baby in the summer (teacher) and he watches all the kid shows. Now everytime he sees Brobee he will crack up and think “Whiny Bitch”.

Lluvia August 15, 2011 at 10:19 pm

The biggest annoying of them all is Calliu or whatever!! What a whiny little bitch!!! His little sister is cool, though. But I won’t let Emma watch it anymore.

Jaime August 15, 2011 at 11:27 pm

Ok, so I came here to tell you that this post seriously rocked my face off, but now as I read through the comments, as all these moms spill their feelings towards these kid/baby shows, i find myself in tears from the laughing…..the comments section completely slayed me…fuckin hilarious!!!!! IMHO YGG is awesome and I think the creators are genius because I think they secretly made a show for moms that grew up in the 80’s but disguised it as a kids show…..kid fans + mom fans = brilliant! :)

Amanda August 16, 2011 at 12:47 am

My friend just told me about your website about 23 seconds before boobpostgate. I, too, am a wanna-be hippie mom (bf, cd, all things that make me feel superior to other moms) but I’ll be damned if my kid doesn’t love Baby Einstein. He is dramababy squared so anything that will make him be quiet for any amount of time is cool in my book. Also, they play classical music so he is probably getting smarter and learning math that he can use in the real world. I feel like it is just a bunch of video about toys I had when I was 16 but if Disney says it makes my kid smarter then who am I to question them? I am going to check out Yo Gabba Gabba too because right now, when I get so tired of Baby Einstein, my son watches an awful lot of Pawn Stars (on the History channel, educational, high five!).

Amanda August 16, 2011 at 12:51 am

Oh, and my name is really Amanda, and I am 30, so I was Amanda L for ever always.

Kandace August 16, 2011 at 1:30 am

2. LazyTown (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LazyTown). It is the best kids show I’ve seen to date (for adults). Okay. Maybe it’s not a littlelittle G-sized show, it’s more for kids just a bit older. BUT I LOVE IT, SO YOU PROBABLY WILL TOO.

Pros: The main hero is a French/Icelandic hottie. He teaches kids (and adults addicted to ice cream, maybe me) that vegetables are amazing for you. It’s really hard to not listen to him, so it’s a getskinnyshow, too. I haven’t had tv in about a year, so it might not still run. But it should. And if it does, you should check it out. Also, the villain is hilarious.

Courtney August 16, 2011 at 9:04 am

Yes! That guy is super hot! But the puppets creep me out. Like a lot. Like enough that the show is banned in my house.

Erin August 16, 2011 at 7:46 am

My child loves Yo Gabba, and the Bubble Guppies which is borderline baby crack to him. He laughs and dances and claps at that dang show. I cannot do Kai-Lan anymore because I feel like I dramatically pause when she does now!

Erica August 16, 2011 at 9:08 am

Wonder Pets….Watch just one episode and tell me what goes through your head every time the phone rings….

And I’m pro baby tv all the way….kids can skip straight to like senior year from nick jr. alone..

Kelly August 16, 2011 at 6:20 pm

The phone….The phone is ringing…….

Morgan October 31, 2012 at 3:27 pm

…there’s an animal in trouble!

demi August 16, 2011 at 9:46 am

hold on, anyone know if the ol’school ghostbusters cartoon is ever on? I used to have a MAJOR crush on Egon as a child…what? that’s wierd. anyway. Jem is going in my DVR now-because holy crap she is amazing. And what about spongebob?! There was this HALARIOUS episode about “sentence enhancers.” i about lost my shit laughing. they basically used the F word (not joking) but replaced it with a dolphin squeaking. So every other word would be this dolphin. like for example, (from patrick starr) “SPONGEBOB” HOW THE (DOLPHIN SQUEAKE) ARE YOU DOING TODAY” I’M DOING (DOLPHIN SQUEAK) AWESOME!!” And on and on. Everyone was acting all shocked. It was beyond halarious. Anyway I can’t believe I just typed all that. :D

Marjorie August 16, 2011 at 10:50 am

My husband’s go-to kids show is always Spongebob. It’s pretty much ALWAYS on some channel and it’s one of the few kids shows he can stand. Besides the 1 yr old and 5 yr old both love it, so it works for everyone.

Alexandria August 16, 2011 at 12:24 pm

Look let me tell you. Nothing is ever wrong with sitting your kid in front of the TV. My kid can count in fucking Spanish because of Dora. And can speak proper British English because of Thomas the Train. TV as a babysitter? Fuck that. I say TV as the next greatest American teacher.

ms biscuit August 16, 2011 at 12:40 pm

get excited for when G is old enough to enjoy the Electric Company because that show is so hip hop! i love the guest stars… LL Cool J makes punctuation marks sound pretty sexy ;)

Jen Fitz August 16, 2011 at 1:47 pm

New here! This post made me pee in my pants a bit.
Check out Dinosaur Train on PBS. There is an episode about dinosaur poop.

Carla August 16, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Oh thank god, I was beginning to think you were some sort of perfect-super-mom-who-already-looks-great-in-a-bathing-suit! Okay, you kind of are, but this TV bit helps prove you’re human. We have stuck with PBS and really only allow Sesame Street and Word World. A note: my little one is 19 months has been watching one of these shows everyday since he was 6 months old and he already knows most of his letters and all his colors, I’m just sayin. I refuse to watch Barney, Calliou, or Dora. I’m pretty sure I would punch Dora in the face if she was real.

ashley August 16, 2011 at 4:08 pm

I was always a fan of Wonder Pets, let’s face it…Ming Ming is an adorable and sassy little thing! I hate the other two though…especially the guineau pig asshole who thinks he is the boss of everyone and the dumbass turtle.

Caillou is absolutely annoying and dreadful, don’t EVER waste your time…you will want to stab your eyes out with firey, super sharp knives and throw yourself under a speeding car. The kid can whine something fierce.

In The Night Garden used to be one of Cole’s favorites. Heads up, the ninky nonk is a crazy bastard train-like thing that flies through the forest throwing everyone all around, the pinky ponk is some boring floating thing and the Tombliboos are mental. I do have to say that The Pontipines ruled that show.

The Wot Wots are insane but kind of funny…great way to have your little one laugh.
Max and Ruby – Ruby is an uber bitch who bosses mute Max around all the time and they apparently don’t have parents
4-Square – DISTURBING when the grown people in blue suits are on
BIg & Small – Love Small…he’s a wild little guy who is filled with drama…G will love him

Cole’s favorite show now is Strawberry Shortcake (hangs head in shame), this is not my doing!

Apparently TV is a hit in our house!!

Lara August 16, 2011 at 8:58 pm

I have to say Oswald was a fav for a really long time. It’s all reruns now, but an octopus voiced by Fred Savage who has a dachshund as a pet, an awesome penguin as a neighbor, and a hippie sunflower friend = a pretty cool show. We also used it as the bedtime show, so my boys always knew it was Oswald and then peace time for mama.

And I love your blog btw!

Anne Collin August 17, 2011 at 1:21 am

OH MY GOD. This is some funny shit!

I like Yo Gabba Gabba so much that my 3-year-old calls it “Mommy’s show.”

Nancy August 17, 2011 at 5:52 am

Pingu it’s about some Swedish mute penguins.
Also love Maisy the Mouse.

Betsy August 17, 2011 at 12:11 pm

1. Have you ever seen Hip Hop Harry? I’m not entirely sure it’s on tv anymore, but it is basically the ghetto version of Barney. Kind of amusing. And by “kind of amusing”, I mean it’s hilarious to watch teenagers dance around acting like 8yr olds.
2. Sid and Marty Krofft shows, such as H.R. Pufnstuf and Sigmund and the Sea Monsters. If you aren’t familiar with them, they are kids shows made in the early 70’s which remind you of the drug use back then. Because seriously, who names a kid’s character “Pufnstuf” unless they are high?! Either way, it should entertain both you AND G.
3. Give him a toy that makes noise and has flashing lights. That should entertain him for a bit while you catch up on your adult shows. =)

FancyPants August 17, 2011 at 12:25 pm

Ummm, did I break a comments rule or something? I posted what I thought was an awesomely appropriate comment about Lazytown (including a link to a song and a hot guy) and my comment is no longer here. Explain?

kari August 17, 2011 at 12:30 pm

DVR is the best. My 5 year old used to pitch me on things we needed like the wonda file & tide ultra…bye bye

Kate August 17, 2011 at 1:43 pm

LMAO!!! I just had my 3rd baby and have been a nanny since I was 19 years old. I was never allowed to let the kids I nannied for watch television because their parents had their opinions about TV. I let my two older kids watch television and found a lot of what I let them watch to be educational. However, so much of it was just plain annoying… now I am swearing off TV for my new baby… but I love stupid reality shows. I am just dying over this post. It has been 11 years since since my sons were small and over a two years since my last nanny gig that was TV free. You have just made my day and I cannot stop laughing. I think I just pissed my pants.

julie s. August 17, 2011 at 2:28 pm

My 3-month old stares at the TV if she can see it, it literally puts her in a trance. But what am I gonna’ do? If it keeps her occupied for a few minutes while I take care of something (like taking a poop, just for example), then I’m going to let it happen. I just find a channel with animation or puppets and hope she learns a second language or something (actually, a first language would be good, too).

Brittany August 19, 2011 at 8:02 am

So, when I was searching for my Halloween costume on Spirit’s website I totally saw a YGG Foofa costume & it made me think of you. I’m not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing?

CayleeLopeztello August 19, 2011 at 2:16 pm

I love this! I recently told a group of new mom’s that I let my 6 month old watch sesame street and they looked at me like I was giving him crack! I was a sesame street addict when I was little and managed to grow up into a successful non-ADHD afflicted adult…obviously I am not making the tv my go to babysitter but just like everything else it’s all about moderation

Tal August 20, 2011 at 10:09 am

Why would you go and introduce a new reality show to me when i just started professional school?! I now have to watch it obsessively and care about it a lot!

Harmony August 22, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Russian Dolls is a new favorite.
Project Runway
America’s Next Top Model
Millionaire Matchmaker
Ninja Warrior on G4, Japanese show
Wilfred – I came across this show on Hulu and am hooked. Originally an Aussie series. Stars Elijah Wood (although he annoys me with his whining and I can’t get past picturing Frodo), and an Aussie dressed in a dog suit. His neighbor’s dog, who only EW sees as the man in a dog suit. It’s a really f***ed up show. So inappropriate. I must keep watching.

My 2yo daughter loves Kai Lan, Dora, Diego, Peppa Pig, Olivia, Team Umizoomi, Blue’s Clues, Fresh Beat Band, Yo Gabba Gabba, Dino Dan and all that NicJr jazz. On Hub, In The Night Garden seems to put her in a trance. It reminds me of a possibly even more bizarre version of Teletubbies. The Wot-Wots is another one my kids like…brother and sister aliens that explore our world, usually animals involved I think. And Pocoyo. So many shows…

Malea August 27, 2011 at 1:24 am

I can think of a few more a-holes. Our channel of choice is Sprout channel. Caillou is always whining about something and don’t get me started on Thomas and Friends. Thomas is always “cross”. Then there’s that little red head brat on Fireman Sam. Always a dang emergency the firemen have to go on because of that little non disciplined twirp. Totally not ashamed to say I look forward to watching those shows. Especially Sunny Side Up with Chica. I’m slightly obsessed.

Em from This Side of Crunchy September 6, 2011 at 2:01 pm

We like the Sprout channel for entertainment. Evelyn LOVES chicka and her birthday song. They also have sesame street. Just now I saw this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8Ax5VUBBwk&feature=related
which reinforced my thoughts that Elmo is on illegal drugs.

Anna in AZ September 14, 2011 at 7:49 pm

Yeah, I’ll be honest I was expanding my “cultural knowledge” by watching a couple episodes… :)

Stefanie September 19, 2011 at 8:11 pm

two words: BUBBLE GUPPIES (Nick Jr)
Thank Heaven for Bubble Guppies :)

nicole October 19, 2011 at 7:46 pm

just stumbled upon your blog and you are freaking hilarious! have you ever watched the episode of kia lan where they talk about snow??? holy crap this made me laugh so hard:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4uBsq21s9g

Kristin October 26, 2011 at 6:45 am

Yeah, so I’m totally late to the party… so late it’s already over …. but whatevs.

Her name is FOOFA??? That means ‘lesbian’ in Portuguese. How do I know this? When my sis and I went traveling in Europe (not glamours at all… we tented and ate sardines), the Portuguese kids we hung out with kept calling us foofas. They wouldn’t believe we were sisters… I guess sharing that sleeping bag in the tiny tent, and sunbathing topless (I don’t recommend it… causes massively bad boobie burns), plus not looking anything alike naturally made them wonder.

Whew. That was long. I just wanted to point it out, cause it’s funny. That is all.

Jaime January 15, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Phineas and Ferb

Ashley May 2, 2012 at 10:51 pm

This post made me start reading your blog.

I cry from laughing and cry gain bc my 7 week old daughter has. Dairy/soy allergy, reflux and
dontputmedown disease. You make me realize there is light at the end of this infant hell tunnel.

Keep on keepin it real!!

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