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Boobs helping other boobs to be the best boobs they can be.

August 8, 2011

Despite being selfish and a fame whore and obsessed with appearances, I have an unhealthy amount of empathy. This is something we discovered in counseling after I brought up the deep  hole in my heart that I feel for the grapes that get thrown away without being eaten. I just feel like they’ve never lived their true grape destiny. That was the first (and not last) time I got side eye from my counselor. “Safe Place” my ass. So when I really read all of the comments from women with problems from the breastfeeding post, I called off the paparazzi from meeting me at the grocery store and I decided to write this instead.

If there is ONE thing I’m happier about than being famous, it’s the community of commenters that came together to support breastfeeding women with titty troubles. I know how hard it can be when you’re in the thick of cluster feeding, and you JUST want the pain to stop, or the baby to stop farting, or the kid to go to sleep. So I wanted to address some of the questions that were asked in the comments. Because I had them too and I’m sure others out there do also. And also, I wanted to draw another picture of boobs. So here you go:


The uneven boobs of a blockfeeder (i.e. me)


Wow. I needed that post. Just had my baby about 3 weeks ago and breastfeeding has started to suck due to super sore nipples and mastitis…ugh. It’s been tempting to quit but like you I’m determined to keep going…so THANK YOU for this post!!!

Elle, I’m bummed for you that you had mastitis. That’s about as bad as it can get. I’m proud of you for sticking with it. The good news is, you’ve seen the dark side and you’re still squirting. Hooray for that. The sore nipples go away, I promise. One thing that is always recommended in my breastfeeding group is Jack Newman’s All Purpose Nipple Cream. I haven’t used it but people swear by it. You need a prescription for it though. Squirt on sister.

Modg, this post is awesome! Can people go to boobfeeding group while they’re pregs to get a head start on making friends? Or does the boob-tenant have to already be moved in?

Good question. I wish I would have gone to this group before I was pregnant. I wish I would have stopped by a group in college when my biggest concern was if Pikapp or KDR was having a social that night. College MODG had her head up her drunk ass. Anyway… I’m sure that my group would welcome someone with open arms who was interested in breastfeeding while they were preg. Find a group and give the leader a call.
It is my first night home with my new daughter. She has been on my boobs for five consecutive hours. In between sobbing silently so as not to wake my husband who goes back to work tomorrow, I found this latest post and was able to giggle. Through tears, but still… Improvement. Send me sleeping baby dust and more posts to keep me sane!
Meg Again
Hi hi. Night two at home with the second coming of don’t put me down disease–milk is in and we are trying for every three hours… My mom is now here to help–god bless that woman. We are supplementing with some formula after each feed because of so few dirty diapers and the peds advice, and we are going to the ped tomorrow for a weigh, etc. Thanks ladies–helps to read comments and advice, especially in the middle of long lonely sleepless nights… Ugh soo tired.

Hi Meg. I can tell you based on my experience and so many others that I know that cluster feeding and the constant non stop sucking is very normal. It’s comforting for a tiny baby. If I didn’t let G suck his little heart out through 3-4 episodes of RHONY (how I kept time) he would lose his baby mind. I know you’re seeing a ped but  have you seen a lactation consultant? In my experience they have very differing opinions on things like this. If you have access to a scale (baby scale preferably), weigh the baby, feed the baby, then weigh the baby. This will give you peace of mind to know how much she is getting. Poop is hard to measure by. Some babies just poop less than others. Same goes for husbands. And THOSE are some farts that keep you up at night. Good luck Meg.

THE KID HATES BOTTLES. He has been given bottles before, we’ve given him one on occasion the whole time. Now, not so much, and, like I said, school starts in a month, and flashing high school students in order to nurse a baby during class is frowned upon. We were at the lactation consultant’s today (which is why this post really hit home for me), and she gave us some pointers, but the kid is raising his tiny middle finger in defiance of the silicone imposter. We’ve tried 7 different types (Avent, Medela, Dr Brown’s, Tommee Tippee, Playtex Ventaire, BreastFlow, MAM). Some brands would be accepted a few times, but not anymore.
I’ve read a lot of junk online about how to get him to take a bottle, spoken to a professional, read books, talked to friends, etc. I’m not the one who’s trying to feed him and I don’t want to starve it out of him (Dr said it’ll give him a negative attitude towards feeding). Does anyone out there in MODGland have any ideas?

Ugh I’m SO sorry you’re going through this. G still won’t take a bottle. That kid is a sick little genius. He only takes it straight from the tap. I KNOW YOUR PAIN. I’ve tried every position, every bottle, every time of day, every song and dance and nothing. Now this will piss you off, but some kids just don’t take the bottle. I can think of 3 babies in my breastfeeding group off the top of my head who just refused.

Now, you’re going back to work. Sigh… Have you tried putting something else in the bottle, like some pear juice? It may get him interested to suck a little. That’s how we got G to take a cup with a straw. Good luck and let me know if you figure it out.

To those of you who are pregnant or have a tiny baby, GIVE THAT KID ONE BOTTLE A DAY LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT. Because it sort of does. Unless you want to spend one year not attending weddings or vacations or power hours.

Denise A
Ladies what is the best advice for being able to have a alcoholic beverage and breastfeeding, in all seriousness when I have my baby I still want to be able to enjoy a glass or wine or beer on occasion, but I also want to breastfeed, can I do both?

Denis, I just talked to my group about this. YES you can do both. I have at least one glass of wine a night. I follow the rule that if you feel ok, you’re fine to feed. Here’s what you have to remember: the baby isn’t getting straight up booz. Your milk alcohol content is the same as your blood alcohol content. A friend of a friend did a study on this and found that fresh squeezed orange juice has a booz content of .09. The legal drunk limit is .08. So if you were legally drunk, that’s still less alcohol going into your baby than if you were to give them fresh squeezed OJ. Now, I’m not saying go do 4 mind erasers in a mini skirt like a slore. But I am saying that it’s fine to have a drink or two. Those Euros do way worse. Where my Euros at?

If you as readers have extra help for these women, please chime in. And if you have questions or issues, comment with them as well and I know my awesome group of readers will help you out.

Like I said in my first post, breastfeeding is hard work. It takes other women to show you what to do and tell you that everything is totally fine.

I don’t do a whole lot of good things other than promote Asians and Full House. But I hope this can go on my “YOU HELPED OUT. NEATO” list.

Boobs for all and all for boobs,

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  • ashlie August 8, 2011 at 9:42 pm

    Awesome for you for becoming boob famous. I’m loving these posts. My baby weaned herself at around 6 months (she’s just a teeny bit independent) but I’m happy I lasted the 6 months. Breastfeeding was awesome, but a bit of a rip off for me. All those awesome benefits of breastfeeding? Yeah, didn’t really get those. No period? Yeah, I got mine after 10 weeks. Losing the baby weight? I lost 4 pounds in 6 months. Four. Pounds. I was so pissed. Bigger boobs? Oh hellz yeah, I went from my usual 34H (already not awesome to deal with) to spilling all out of my 36J. It was rough, but it was worth it to know I did my best and gave her what I could. Good on you for keeping it up with G!

  • Mandy August 8, 2011 at 9:48 pm

    How great of you to write this post! Granted, I totally could have used it 7 months ago when I was having the hardest time breastfeeding and got pressured to switch to formula by my doctor/lactation consultant (I swear she wasn’t a real one, she sucked.)

  • colleen August 8, 2011 at 10:06 pm

    i’m not preg, married, nothing, and i love what you’re doing. and that it allows you to draw more pictures of boobs, of course.

  • Anne August 8, 2011 at 10:14 pm

    Meg…the first night home with my first daughter she ate constantly. At one point I was bawling to my husband that we had to give her a bottle or a drink or SOMETHING, because I couldn’t take it anymore. HOWEVER, it gets better. Baby will not need to be on your boob constantly for the next year (or month, or 6 months, or whatever). You will start to establish somewhat of a pattern, there will be breaks in between feedings, and you WILL get sleep again. Baby is just trying to establish your milk supply right now. And not that I’m a ped or anything, but I have always been told to pay attention to wet diapers, and not worry about poopy ones. Some breastfed babies poop 10 times a day, some once every 2 weeks.

    Moms who eventually want their babies to take a bottle…give them one. Once a day, starting at about a month old (to establish breastfeeding). Dad or someone else can do it at first with you in the other room (relaxing…that is, pumping while reading Us Weekly), and before long even YOU will be able to bottle feed your baby. You NEED to be able to leave baby for longer than a half hour without worrying about starvation, constant crying, and dad calling you to come home NOW. And that way you won’t have to pull out your boobs at weddings, parties, and driving down the highway.

    • Nicole August 9, 2011 at 3:45 pm

      I nursed my son until he weaned himself at 15 months. I went back to work when he was 6 months. if you must return to work or just need a night out I recommend starting the bottle aroun six weeks so long as breast feeding is well established. He rejected the bottle at first about after about two weeks he got the hang of it and was able to go between bottle and breast until he quit. Good luck and hang there! I am currently bring my 11 week old and nervous about returning to work next week she has been taking a bottle so hopefully the transition will be smooth…

    • missloopy August 11, 2011 at 3:27 pm

      for meg- my daughter only pooped once every third day until she started eating solids. if i was going by poopy diapers in the first few days, i would’ve thought she was starving for sure. be careful with supplementing… boobs are a supply and demand operation, and if you lessen the demand, it will only decrease supply. climb into bed with crappy tv & nurse for as long as she needs. your boobs will catch up!

  • brenda August 8, 2011 at 10:15 pm

    Love you for the boob posts! I am currently nursing my 2nd and boy have I had some rough times when I have wanted to throw in the towel! I told my husband just today that even though I don’t “work” I feel as if I have two full time jobs. one is being a sahm of 2 and house manager and the other is breast feeding! It’s been 7 weeks today and I’m happy to say its going really well despite my exhaustion and frustration (mainly taken out on my poor husband). Props to all the booby feeders out there!

  • new to your blog & love it August 8, 2011 at 10:17 pm

    Hi there, just started reading your blog and love it. Love the support for breastfeeding with your humor. You are great.

    So just one piece of advice I would give to new moms — think of “supplementing with formula” as the beginning of weaning. I know it’s hard, because so many people think that their babies are not getting enough, and so many pediatricians suggest that you supplement with formula, but in every case that I have heard, it actually diminishes your supply (nursing is all about demand & supply… so the constant and frequent sucking is actually a really good thing!) If you start using formula to “supplement,” it may be a slow death for your supply, but it will eventually happen… so if you want to keep nursing, try to avoid formula until you are ready to wean (or not at all… we are still nursing at 20 months and I have never used it.) I just want people to know this because I feel like people/drs. recommend that you “supplement” with formula as if it is harmless, without informing moms of the consequences. Thanks for creating a forum for moms who want to support moms!!!

    • Sherrie August 8, 2011 at 11:36 pm

      This is absolutely true…if you supplement through formula, you are diminishing your supply! Thanks for pointing this out! It is particularly difficult for first time moms who are trying to do the right thing by listening to the doctor when the doctor’s orders are counterproductive (don’t get me started). Trust in your body and your baby. As long as you are eating well and you are getting both kinds of diapers, you should be fine. It takes time for your body to react to changes in nursing (more or less supply) and a baby is designed to suck for more to stimulate more. Great advice! La Leche League info is in many cases fare more helpful….and this is from a woman who, before children, called the group La Leeches…

    • Lynz August 8, 2011 at 11:56 pm

      I totally agree with this post. If you do “supplement” you still need to pump to maintain your supply so you might as well nurse. Trust your body, it knows what it’s doing!
      And to the girl who can’t get her baby to take a bottle make sure the milk is warm enough (my daughter liked it really warm…not scalding but hot) and make sure the nipple is warmed too. Express some milk into their mouth and make sure someone else feeds the bottle. If you have to work you have no choice but to keep trying. I’ve sat at daycare while nursing my daughter and watched the poor workers try to get nursing babies to take bottles that have not been introduced to them. Trust me when i say you do not want that baby to be yours! Keep trying. It will work.
      Also, because I’ve had my period practically the whole time and wasn’t aware of how it plays into the mix. Your milk supply does drop during ovulation. It sucks but it just is (or is for me and a few others that ive googled) just don’t mistake it for weaning and supplement. Your baby will make up for it with extra feedings.
      Thanks Modg for continuing the nursing conversation! Guaranteed most of us have spent hours googling this issue or that issue and sometimes it’s nice to know you’re not the only one. Nursing is hard, damn hard, thankless, and a lot of times a gigantic pain in the ass (especially pumping). Women need and deserve more credit and support from eachother and we’re grateful your blog does just that. Rock on boob Modg!

    • brainafterbaby August 12, 2011 at 3:32 pm

      My experience is that supplementing can be necessary and helpful until you build supply. We supplemented for the first 5 weeks of my sons life due to his weight loss in the first 2 weeks and because my milk came in really slowly. We would try to go without the formula and our ped made us come in for an extra weigh in because my milk just wasn’t enough. But through all the normal perseverance involved in breastfeeding, we just naturally were able to taper off the formula by week 5. We are now almost at week 17. Those 2 oz ready to feed similac advance bottles were a godsend, and I still pack them on trips as a security blanket even though I make more than enough milk at this point.

  • Kelly August 8, 2011 at 10:26 pm

    I’m loving all the booie love in the past few posts. It’s always such a relief to read fellow mommy war stories. It gives me a little motivation to fight through it all. GO BOOBS!

  • betty August 8, 2011 at 10:35 pm

    ha ha, love all these posts. i “only” breastfed for the first 12 weeks for my daughter’s life. I had to go back to work and I have pretty long hours away from my baby so pumping quickly became an unrealistic option. so i feel like i have one foot firmly in the pro-BF camp and the other in the formula side. i know just how hard BFing is and i’d challenge every mom to do it for as long as she can. i knew i would have to stop or at least taper off when i went back to work, but it was still a challenge to make it 12 weeks so kudos (on a side note, i/we can testify that formula feeding is not the end of the world…i would have loved a different outcome, but lil lady is almost 1 yr now and still going strong!)

    and, MODG — back when u were a hooters gal, didja ever think this is what would make your boobs famous? :o)

  • Denise August 8, 2011 at 10:35 pm

    Thanks for the reply. I am so glad I found your blog, it’s hilarious and informative at the same time. I promise I’m not some crazy alcoholic, but after 9 months I know I will definitely want a glass or two of wine… Keep the boobie drawings coming, so funny.

    Also the bottle advice is helpful, I will have to go back to work after 12 weeks and I want to still breastfeed, so it’s good to know that I have to at least do one bottle a day.

    • Mere August 8, 2011 at 11:07 pm

      Get friendly with your pump. And don’t be scared if you’re only getting a couple ounces at a time. That’s all the tiny ones drink. Rest for 20 min. and hit it again!

    • Katie August 8, 2011 at 11:22 pm

      Giving my daughter one bottle a day worked wonders for me. I pumped and had my husband give her the bottle immediately after, so the milk was fresh and would taste exactly how she was used to it tasting. I put 5 oz of milk in the bottle (we used born free) never thinking she would take it all. She did, and went right to sleep. She ended up sleeping 8 hours straight, and I slept none worrying why she was sleeping for so long. The next night…same thing. I got into the routine of nursing her at 7, waking her at 11 and having husband give her a bottle of as much as she would drink, and she would sleep until 7 am. Within a week she took a bottle from me, and I brought milk with me so I never had to nurse in public. Good luck! I hope this helps.

    • Eglad August 8, 2011 at 11:53 pm

      Hey Modg, great post, you sound pro.
      To the newborn moms-
      I’m a Doula (rarely now after kids actually) and a lactation specialist (a lot after kids). I have 4 kids (2 were total Dramababies) and I nursed for over 8 years total! Pretty much straight…. my youngest weaned a year ago at age two and a half.
      I liked taking whichever kid was currently on the boob along to consult with stressed-out new moms. We’d sit side-by-side, babies in arms and I’d have them copy my fancy boob tricks, like the “tilt n’ tuck” latch method (invented, by me, after my first. I got sore nipples for two days, but after doing this move, never again!) and the “boob to bottle fake-out”. It REALLY helps to watch another mom’s boobs. So find a saggy mama and ask for real help.
      Also, if you’re going back to work at 6 wks or 12 wks, I recommend you start stashing away pumped milk in the freezer. Babies tend to hit growth spurts right at those ages, and the last thing you need when you are at work for the first time is worrying about your boobs balking at the pump, while you stress about having “no back-up” for tomorrow.
      I wish I could warp the magic tricks into the sleep-robbed brains of all these new readers Modg.

    • Stina August 9, 2011 at 9:05 am

      We tried giving our little girl the occasional bottle thinking it would keep her used to it. I work from home and only part time out of the home so she doesn’t need to have to take a bottle all the time. She was fine with it…of course right until it was the week before my first day away. I tried everything that week and was mega stressed and crying. You know what worked? She got HUNGRY! It’s probably very anti-hippie-magic but sometimes things have to just get real. She probably only skipped one feeding before giving in. So don’t worry, they won’t starve. And babies seem to have Mommy-GPS. Our girl knows if I’m only going to be gone for a few hours and will just wait. On my long days she seems to make no fuss taking a bottle. Which leads me to believe that she has some kind of superbrain… Good luck!

  • Hot Momma August 8, 2011 at 10:45 pm

    For Meg, I had the same issue with my newest baby. He’s 3 months old and we went through the constant feeding for a few days after he was born. Luckily, I had an awesome nurse who basically slapped me upside the head and told me to get the baby off my boob. I was a little offended and worried that he would starve, but she calmly told me “If your nipples are too sore for you to nurse – which they WILL be if you feed him for hours on end – you can’t feed him later.” She told me to feed him for 10 minutes on each side. No more. Just that much and then take him off. If he still wants to suck, she suggested giving him a pacy. (Which I really resisted, but finally gave in after many nights of him just wanting to suckle.) She told me that after about 10 minutes of nursing, the boob is pretty much emptied and anything after that is comfort nursing. Not a bad thing, unless your nipples are cracked and you’re ready to saw off your boobs and hand them over to the baby to keep. So, I finally gave mine a pacy and it worked wonders. I was totally against it because I was worried about nipple confusion but he never had a problem latching after the pacifier. Now, he still won’t take a bottle, but that’s another issue….

    My advice is like so many others on here: (1) Find a lactation consultant – a good one. They can be amazingly supportive during an extremely hormonal, exhausting, life-changing period of your life. If you just go to their office to make sure the latch is good and the baby is gaining weight (which I did), it’s worth it. (2) Try a pacifier. Don’t worry about nipple confusion. (3) If you really want to breastfeed, don’t fall back on formula too quickly. I did that with my twins and I still regret it. I wish I’d had the support that I have had with my baby now. I think I could have made it longer than I did if I had. Supplementing will really screw up your supply. That said, if breastfeeding isn’t something you want to do, don’t be pressured to do it. You have to make decisions that are best for you and your family. Don’t make yourself miserable and beat yourself up over this. Motherhood is hard enough without that. (4) And finally, smile. Even if you don’t feel like it right now. You now have a beautiful baby who loves you more than anything else in the world. Whatever happens at 3 in the morning, remember that :)

  • nat August 8, 2011 at 10:54 pm

    modg, hearts to you for putting all the boob info out there. realistic, user-friendly info is super hard to find and moms of “our generation” (ack) need and want the support. aside from babycenter and kellymom and la leche, i swear by the book “so that’s what they’re there for” by janet tamaro. boob bible.

  • Elle Bogart August 8, 2011 at 10:54 pm

    Can you add some ‘boobs are jazzy’ merch to the store? I’m not a mom, nor do I plan to be… But boobs are awesome. Also, I support the general insanity around these parts! <3

    • Tesla August 8, 2011 at 11:34 pm

      I’m not a mom either but I would wear the fuck out of that shirt!

  • katie August 8, 2011 at 11:03 pm

    LOVE your blog!!!

  • Meredith August 8, 2011 at 11:04 pm

    Girls, don’t worry too much about that baby being attached to the nip forever. I had a needy little mess of a girl (also a G! Gretchen) who nursed every minute for the first 3-4 months. I gave in to co-sleeping (best decision ever) and got used to pulling out the old tit. Who cares? Screw the weirdos that don’t like (or do too much). F them. Your only concern should be your baby, your milk supply and your freakin sanity!! Now at the ripe old age of 14 months my G doesn’t need to nurse every minute or whenever her heart desires. But it’s the ultimate comfort tool, nothing gets her sleep like the boob. It’s so worth it.

  • gabrielle August 8, 2011 at 11:31 pm

    My son is 20 months and still nurses once a day-ish. Sometimes less, sometimes more. I am mostly commenting just to say THANK YOU, for talking about breast feeding like a normal person and helping other moms out. It can be tricky at times and the more support we all give each other, the better. Yay boobs!

  • kellym August 8, 2011 at 11:38 pm

    2 times I got drunk.By the time I got home I was too wasted and forgot to pump and dump. Nursed baby. She slept SO good that night. I don’t recommend it as a sleep strategy, though

    • Andrea August 9, 2011 at 10:22 am

      I feel bad for laughing at that and thinking it’s hilarious… :)

  • Veronica August 8, 2011 at 11:38 pm

    For Meg — don’t let that doctor freak you out. If the kid is eating (especially if she is sucking that dang much), she is totally getting enough to eat. She just likes your boobs. I had a boob-obsessed daughter as well. Some just want to spend the first few days burrowed in your titties, but I SWEAR, it gets better. I had a shitty start to breastfeeding, and even now with the permanent bruises from her teeth, it is like cake.

    And MODG, I am super-curious about how long you plan to breastfeed, if you actually have a plan at all. My daughter turns one tomorrow, and I am starting to wonder how much longer I am planning on doing this. It’s funny, because everyone is either horrified that I am still nursing or horrified that I am considering stopping before she turns three. Just wondered where you fall on the spectrum. :)

    • Leslie August 8, 2011 at 11:44 pm

      I am also wondering this!!! I initially thought I would just go till one year, but now I’m thinking who knows?! 18 months or 2 years is sounding a lot more normal and doable… still don’t know how I feel about 4 or 5 though… haha.

    • MODG August 9, 2011 at 10:09 am

      I’ll be honest, my original goal was 1 year. Especially since he won’t take a bottle and I still don’t eat soy dairy or gluten for him. Although I JUST started introducing dairy. But I’m just going to play it by ear and see how we do. He’s in NO rush to quit.

      • Veronica August 9, 2011 at 10:27 am

        Breastfeeding was so incredibly hard for me that my original goal was six months, and I NEVER thought I’d make it. Seriously, the first 5.9999 months were insanely horrible, like I cried every single time she ate. So painful, so terrible. Then all of a sudden like two days before she was six months old it went from the worst thing in the world to no big deal in one feeding! What the hell?? Then I was sure I could make it to one year and go from there, but Josephine is like G — she is in NO rush to quit. She is totally boob obsessed. Sucks about all the restriction you still have to do, though. I’m glad you’re introducing dairy. Hope the fart rockets don’t return. You can do it, G!

        And Leslie, I agree. 18 months or 2 years is totally sounding doable, but I think I might need to plan an exit time, or we will have have a five year old wanting to latch on! I am NOT okay with that! :)

    • ed August 10, 2011 at 1:11 am

      Dude, yeah, even here in SF /Marin, California (lots of hippie minded peeps) from after one year people definitely thought I was weird. I enjoyed it til about 18 months… then I wanted to be done and she loooooved it still, I just felt I would break her heart to deny her. Also I kinda babied her cuz she didn’t walk til she was 2 (motor skills probs). Also I definitely have tasty boobs. Now this summer I finally weaned her at 2.75 years and I didn’t share this info with everyone cause people think what they think! It’s crazy how much she loved it, it was so special to her.

  • Leslie August 8, 2011 at 11:43 pm

    If I could go back and give one piece of advice to my brand-new-Mom self, it would be NOT to let the hospital nurses stress me out about baby’s initial weight loss and NOT give in to encouragement to supplement, based on that stress. My baby lost 10% of his body weight very quickly, and the nurses had me soo scared about it. 10% is a warning signal, but it made perfect sense because we had a rough time latching at first and I had to use a nipple shield, and it also took me a couple days to really internalize the concept that you need to put a newborn to the breast ALL.THE.FRICKIN.TIME to facilitate nursing, help milk supply, etc. It did not take long to get the hang of it through, and baby started gaining lots of weight just fine! He only got that tiny bit of formula at the very beginning, but I really don’t think he ever needed any. Just lots of time at the boob.

  • Megan U. August 8, 2011 at 11:45 pm

    Started reading your blog about four weeks before I gave birth to my first little nugget, and i’ve been in sparkly love ever since :) L latched on right away at the hospital and everyone and their mother said she was latching perfectly, the lactation consultant and about 18 nurses…. I was told that pain I was feeling was just my nipples toughening up and that it would get better…lies all lies!! I bet if I would of stood up while she was on the tit, she would of just hung there in the air. She was basically gnawing on my nipple. So by the time we got home my boobs were bleeding, cracked, blistered and crazy sore. I’ve been pumping ever since and just doing the bottle. Now that my nips are all healed I want to get back into the swing of things but lili somehow got thrush and i was wondering what was that magic purple hippie stuff you used????? Thanks for the laughs when i want to pull my hair out!!

    • Megan U. August 9, 2011 at 12:13 am

      also can anyone recommend what to do when you have to pump but your dramababy has the dont put me down or I’ll cut you bitch disease and your spouse isnt able to help????? any magic tricks that have worked for you?? HELP!! i reallllllly really dont want to supplement with gross smelly formula but i need to be able to get my supply back up!

      • lynz August 9, 2011 at 12:20 am

        Feed the baby then pump. After little one is full you should be able to get a few free minutes before the next freakout or feeding. Or get the pump in style from Medela. It has a hands free attachment. Works great while driving too by the way (I drive a lot for work). Hands free pumping is the shiznit!

        • Lynz August 9, 2011 at 12:23 am

          I meant Freestyle sorry. My first pump was the in style but freestyle is way better.

      • Leah August 9, 2011 at 9:02 am

        It took us 7 weeks to figure out the whole breastfeeding thing and by then my supply had dropped quite a bit. My LC recommended Fenugreek capsules (you can get it at GNC and “natural” type shops), and it was pure magic. Within 12 hours of starting it, I’d doubled my output. I just took it for a few days to ensure my supply was good enough.

      • Lisa August 9, 2011 at 12:05 pm

        I went through this. I nursed my dramababy, then either a) put her ragey ass in the bouncy seat next to me while I frantically tried to entertain her with toys/books/music and pumped or b) put her in her swing and tuned out the crying until I was done, occasionally shouting cheerful encouragement to her to pull herself together. Sometimes she ACTUALLY FELL ASLEEP in the swing by the time I was done, and that was awesome. Also, take lots o’ fenugreek pills. 3 610-mg capsules two or three times daily, until you smell like funky soup and are making too much milk. Good luck!

      • Sasha August 9, 2011 at 8:09 pm

        My son implimented a hostile takeover of my boobs. I wasn’t producing enough milk either and all the lactation consultants in hospital would be grabbing my boobs and squeezing all day. Porn stars earn ther money! Anyway my solve was: once you get home stay in bed, DVR EVERYTHING even that baby penguin documentry (you WILL have time to watch it) lie dowb and while baby is laying on the bed on one boob, pump the other. Because you are in bed once baby falls asleep you can slip out of bed and store your milk. No trying to put him down. Motherhood is just outsmarting your baby.

      • Megan M. August 9, 2011 at 10:16 pm

        Megan U,
        I’m not sure if this is at all helpful to you, but here is the cliff’s notes version of my not so healthy relationship with my breastpump:
        For my daughter’s first 7 1/2 months, I pumped as much as I could (including sometimes pumping on one side while nursing on the other) and woke up between her 3:00 and 7:00am feedings to pump so that I would have enough milk for her on the two days per week that I worked. Pumping at work was never great for me- I was always rushed and often in my car (I do home based developmental therapy and am always driving) so I rarely had productive pumping sessions while at work. Meanwhile, the little baby at home was going through stored milk like it was goin’ out of style and my husband had a horrible habit of thawing too much or spilling it by mistake. I’ll admit, while I loved breastfeeding, pumping/milk storing made me a crazed lunatic (and every time my husband thawed too much or spilled it I lost my shit). Finally, two very supportive friends encouraged me to supplement with formula while I was work. The night before formulageddon I was a wreck and counldn’t sleep- having convinced myself that I was a breastfeeding failure. The next day, I went to work, baby got formula and the earth continued to spin on its axis. It was like ripping off a band aid. I stopped pumping in between morning feedings and because I was less concerned about how much milk I was pumping at work, I actually started getting several more ounces. I only supplemented with formula while I was at work, so I never had a problem with my supply and because I was not a crazed lunatic about my stored milk supply anymore, I was able to really enjoy nursing. In fact, my daughter is 21 months and still nursing at least 5 times a day. If I’m not careful, I’ll end up nursing her on her wedding day :)

    • MODG August 9, 2011 at 10:11 am

      the purple stuff is gentian violet (google it) You can get it at most drug stores but they keep it in the pharmacy. Just MAKE SURE you dilute it. Before you use it, speak to a lactation consultant.

      • Megan U. August 9, 2011 at 3:09 pm

        Thank you so so much you guys!!! Im off to buy a smaller bouncy seat and some fenugreek tablets :)

        ps I cant believe modg spoke to me…dreams really can come true <3 (said in sing song voice)

    • sdw August 9, 2011 at 3:39 pm

      gentian violet. you can put it on baby’s tongue if he/she ever gets thrush, too.

  • Sherrie August 8, 2011 at 11:47 pm

    You CAN do it with only one “good” boob! I nursed my son for six months which was basically when he went to daycare so I could work. I am fortunate enough to be a SAHM this time around and am still nursing on demand at 20 months. My friends think I’m crazy, but I don’t care. She finds comfort and nutrition, and we get to snuggle. My hubby likes it because nursing sends all sorts of feel good hormones throughout my body, and he says I’m a lot nicer to him now than I ever was before.
    When she was six months old, I got really sick. My left breast never produced well with either child (talk about lopsided…), and pretty much fell off the map when I got sick never to return. I was committed to nursing, so just continued nursing her with the one good one. I was terrified it wasn’t going to work, but it did! After doing a google search much later, I discovered this wasn’t uncommon at all. Nursing isn’t always easy (it took my first child and I a solid week to figure out what the hell we were doing), but it is worth it whether your goal is 12 weeks or 12 months or whatever.

  • Nikki August 8, 2011 at 11:51 pm

    Haha, I’m not pregnant and I don’t have kids or anything but I must admit I really do like these posts. I think it’s pretty good to kind of put it out there that breast-feeding can be really hard, but still beneficial – even if it doesn’t work for everyone, it still is a good thing. I find this quite enjoyable :3 And it’s really interesting for me to see how things really are when you breast-feed. It sure isn’t all sunshine and rainbows… Hahaha.

  • Lynz August 9, 2011 at 12:14 am

    If you want to have a drink (or a few) it’s no problem in my book despite what the perfects say. If you get drunk pump and dump. It will only take one or two drunk pump and dump sessions for you to realize it’s not worth it while nursing!

  • Rachel August 9, 2011 at 12:25 am

    I am not a Euro… BUT my husband is, and my baby is SOON to be thanks to Switzerland allowing dual citizenship…. And I can’t tell you the amount of times my mother-in-law and all her Swissy and French friends told me HOW GREAT beer is to keep up your milk supply. I have a beer or glass of wine every night and around my family are encouraged to have a second (which I’m now able to do since my 6 month old has stopped night feedings– thank you Ferber!!!–).

    To all the new moms out there figuring out breastfeeding– keep at it! I remember that first week… the bleeding nipples… the searing pain with each suck but MODG is right– the pain and exhaustion will most likely go away!

  • Jen August 9, 2011 at 12:29 am

    MODG – if you don’t already have this you *need* to get on it. STAT. Swear to Brittney….


    Also, you should sell something similar in your store. I’d be all over it.

  • Peyton August 9, 2011 at 12:45 am

    Hi, Modg! Love your blog… and your Microsoft Paint skills, obv.

    Just wanted to chime in and say thanks for your great post(s) and for opening the dialogue on a topic that’s been giving me a pretty tough time so far. I ended up with a low milk supply due to some pretty serious (ok life-threatening) complications during my delivery eight weeks ago, and have been struggling like a mofo ever since to get my body to produce a “normal” amount of milk for my rapidly growing little girl. Since I’m a first-time mom who didn’t fully understand the harm that supplementing could / would do to an already low supply, I supplemented from the beginning. Boooo. Anyway, now I just feel so behind, and wonder if I’ll ever be able to catch up. I have a wonderful lact. cons. and have tried all of her great suggestions, but continue to deal with this stressful and emotional situation. Just wondering if any of your other readers or group peeps have been in the same boat, and how they coped.

    Thanks again… and thanks for making us all realize how great boobs can look in a top hat! :)


    • ed August 10, 2011 at 1:19 am

      I didn’t exactly supplement with formula (just pumped milk) in the beginning but I’ve had friends who did, and it’s not a bad thing, don’t feel bad! just try keeping the little one on the boob a lot ( like frequently and for a long time) and giving her/him lots of attention while you do so.

    • brainafterbaby August 12, 2011 at 3:49 pm

      I left a comment above about this but supplementing was a huge help to us while ny supply got established and we naturally just tapered off formula completely by 5 weeks. My son is almost 17w now. Don’t beat yourself up about it. I too felt anxious about it but it was a huge comfort knowing my son wasn’t going hungry while we worked the whole boob thing out. Good luck!

    • Gammerway August 12, 2011 at 11:24 pm

      I have a low milk supply, had to supplement… Wasn’t getting the wet or dirty diapers plus had a pretty jaundiced baby ( my husband called her his “little Indian outlaw”. Nothing has helped, mondo pumping, feeding her as much as possible, herbs, oats, medication….12 weeks trying it all with a pretty good LC. We didn’t supplement until she was 5 days old or so… Despite how careful we are I’ll always wonder if I could’ve done setting different but we all just do our best with the best help we can get. Good to know we aren’t alone….

  • Jen again. August 9, 2011 at 12:54 am

    Also – I have a 6 month old ( my 3rd kid). It took him almost 5 months to learn to latch and nurse effectively. I exclusively pumped until a month ago. Now I can nurse him in my sleep! Hang in there new mamas! YOU CAN DO IT!

  • Jen again. August 9, 2011 at 12:55 am

    Also – I have a 6 month old ( my 3rd kid). It took him almost 5 months to learn to latch and nurse effectively. I exclusively pumped (talk about wanting to poke your own eges out) until a month ago. Now I can nurse him in my sleep! Hang in there new mamas! YOU CAN DO IT!

    • Jen again. again. August 9, 2011 at 12:56 am

      that would be eyes not eges.

      and PS I’m obvs not good at the replies tonight. ugh.

    • Leah August 9, 2011 at 8:51 am

      OMG, and I thought I had it bad. It took me and my little guy 7 weeks to figure it out. Basically, he just refused to latch on, or he would but he’d only suck a few times before giving up. (One good thing about it is that I was a pumping pro when I went back to work.) What ended up working for us was a nipple shield, worn right over your nipple so the baby thinks it’s a bottle nipple. Then we gradually transitioned to just plain ol’ boob. The first time he nursed correctly for a whole feeding, I called my husband, crying, I was so happy. I can only imagine the happiness you felt after 5 months of that!

  • Emily August 9, 2011 at 1:12 am

    For Lauren on the bottles
    You might try a first stage sippy cup, sometimes switching to something totally different from the boob helps. Also as someone mentioned try different temperatures for the milk. Just be persistent! Good Luck.

  • Susan August 9, 2011 at 1:20 am

    Totally love your Boob-awareness posts! A w e s o m e.
    I do believe that the alcohol content of breast milk at peak level (30-45 minutes after consumption) is less than 2% of the boob owner’s own BAC. You’d have to be Blasted like a sorostitute playing Slap The Bag for your babe to catch a buzz. There is an in depth explanation of the movement of alcohol through the milkyverse on the LLL website.
    THANK YOU for sharing the boob love and information!!

  • K August 9, 2011 at 2:03 am

    Yes, “new to your blog & love it”, just chiming in to say you’ve got it: the endless, desperate seeming sucking is building the supply; supplementing with formula starts taking chunks out of it.

    MODG, this is absolutely good work on your part. Deffo homecoming queen of breastfeeding, and well deserved. xo

  • Marjorie August 9, 2011 at 8:53 am

    ELLE –
    I bought a few latex nipple shields from Target when I was breastfeeding and though they didn’t prevent all the pain, they definitely helped. They were alwso great for when those little razor teeth started coming in. They aren’t too expensive but they’re thin and clear so they’re easy to lose. I’d recommend picking up a few. They really were the only things that kept me breastfeeding. They’re also great for helping the baby get latched on AND, in my opinion, they make the transition to a bottle easier.

    Have you tried Soothie bottles? They are the only brand that either of my children would take (until they got older and turned into little piggies). They used to sell them pretty much everywhere but now the only place I’ve been able to find them is Kohls. They were really a lifesaver for us! It’s worth a try.

    It’s awesome that you’re doing this MODG! Obviously there are a lot of women out there who are struggling and just need someone to talk to and you’ve provided an amazing forum for us to share our hard-earned tips and tricks! THANKS!

    • Leah August 9, 2011 at 9:07 am

      The nipple shields work great, too, if you’re transitioning from a bottle back to the breast. We’d had problems getting started with breastfeeding, so I was exclusively pumping and bottle feeding for the first 7 weeks, and the nipple shields worked great at getting my baby to figure out how to boob feed.

      Also, the Medela nipple shields are made of silicone, if you’re allergic to latex.

      • Marjorie August 9, 2011 at 11:34 am

        I have the Medela ones and you’re right, silicone, not latex. :)

    • Elle August 10, 2011 at 4:04 pm

      Thanks marjorie! I did get one and it helped…at least it took the blinding pain away while I healed! I also found that pumping for 30sec prior to feeding him helps a bunch too.

  • Monica August 9, 2011 at 8:55 am

    Geez, I wish you were around when I was having my kids (three, all under the age of 4). I had the worst experience with my first and gave up immediately. The lactation nurse in the hospital was literally slapping my poor son in the face with my boob to get him to latch on. Needless to say he didn’t like and I was going to slap the nurse in the face w/my boob. I tried pumping but barely made any milk. I gave up after 5 weeks of that and my kids were soley formula babies. Sorry kiddies :(

  • Tess August 9, 2011 at 8:56 am

    re: alcohol and breastfeeding: I did a bunch of research while pregnant and breastfeeding and I found info that said far less alcohol makes it into your milk than makes it into your blood. ie, your BAC is higher than your MAC (milk alcohol content, duh). I’m too lazy to re-look-up and cite my sources now, but I think I learned this through La Leche League’s website.

    re: bottles: if baby isn’t psyched about the bottle, have you tried having someone else offer it to him? And you LEAVE. Baby might not want the bottle if the real thing is so nearby, but if he’s hungry and Dad is offering him some perfectly good food from a bottle, he’ll probably be more inclined to give it a go…

    Good luck to all, and yay breastfeeding!

  • Jamers13 August 9, 2011 at 9:11 am

    Modg, you are amazing with these posts. I am trying to find a breastfeeding support group, I live in Pittsburgh and just wondering how you found yours. If any of you ladies have an idea of how to find one that would be amazing… I need mommy friends and some interaction for my little girl :) Thanks

    • MODG August 9, 2011 at 10:13 am

      I found mine through The Birth Center (hippie birth place where I had my prenatal care). You can find one through your local hospital too.

  • Annie August 9, 2011 at 9:17 am

    I just want to say thank you times a million for this post. I have a 3 month old and have been very successful with breastfeeding so far, but it was so hard in the begining. Before I had him, I was all like breastfeeding =boob + baby, no big deal. WRONG. It is HARD. Also, I know very few other mothers who breastfed, so I had very very little support or encouragement. When he was first born, I was constantly asked why it takes so long for him to eat, why he eats so often, is he getting enough, told that I should pump and only give him bottles to make him eat enough – so frustrating! I would like to add that my son has been a very healthy weight all along and I never gave in and stuck with the boob. I love reading your blog and getting insight from another mom who has done it, plus you seem pretty cool – bonus. THANK YOU for helping me through it. GO BOOBS!

  • JC August 9, 2011 at 9:46 am

    Am I the only one that misses the old MODG? Might have to take this one off of my sidebar…

    • MODG August 9, 2011 at 10:03 am

      I really hate when people say this. There is no new modg or old modg. There is me, going through whatever I am going through and talking about it. If you don’t like it, you don’t like it and you can go back to hanging out in New York. It was important to me to address some questions that some readers had. They needed help and if my stupid ass blog can do that, then I’m going to do that. And tomorrow, I’ll be pissed off at Jill Zarin and I’ll talk about that. Sorry Jesus Christ, it is what it is.

      • JC August 9, 2011 at 10:32 am

        I’ve never been to NY, actually. I wasn’t being pissy… just miss the good humor posts (and am not alone). I’m a mom and get the need to share info with the world. It’s like when you get a new, super cool haircut but miss your long locks. I still like the new cut, but anticipate the day I have my long hair again. Get it? I still love your blog and will still check daily for the ROFL posts, but don’t hate for my not liking the third grade boob humor.

      • Stacy August 9, 2011 at 10:15 pm

        You rock MODG. I’ve loved the transition, and I love not knowing if I get crazy Asian girl obsessed with Suri post or a baby boob post each day…you keep it real and interesting. Ignore the haters…we don’t want em around here anyway! Boobs rock! Keep doing what you do!

        Boobie sparkles all around!

        • JC August 10, 2011 at 8:30 am

          Ugh.. guys! I’m not being mean. Stop hating on me. I love this blog but damn, you girls are haters. MODG, are you gonna let your commenters bully each other like this? Really, I was just saying that I can’t wait for a new topic. Seriously.

          • MODG August 10, 2011 at 10:21 am

            I think you pushed it over the edge when you said “have to take it off of my sidebar”. That’s like threatening in some weird blog sort of way. And if you’ve been reading a while, you know the drill. If you’re just going to criticize, why bother commenting at all?

            But just like Jesus Christ, I forgive you. And SHAZAM now everyone else does too.
            Moving on people.

    • Veronica August 9, 2011 at 10:36 am

      Same tone, same style, same crazy = same MODG. She had a kid, so, guess what? That kind of influences her life now. Crazy, right? Read some other “mom” blogs where all they do is slap some pictures on and say something like “little Sally had her first bite of asparagus!!!” and call it a post. This has not become a new blog, it is just talking about a wider variety of things. I’m sure she will be back on the toilet again, and talk about kitten turds (but not for a while, because nursing moms are very healthy — oops! Didn’t mean to mention something you’re not interested in!). Chillax.

      • ed August 10, 2011 at 1:26 am

        no….ive been nursing forever and have the poop kittens! my fav modg post was way back then about the poop! but I definitely am into the boobs fun posts too! but then again I teach third grade so maybe that’s by level of humor….NO ! MODG IS JUST FUNNY

        • ED August 10, 2011 at 1:31 am

          but is that the real Jesus Christ?

  • Heather August 9, 2011 at 10:03 am

    Woaahhh back up. OJ has an alcohol content? No wonder my husband loves it so.

  • KateW August 9, 2011 at 10:19 am

    For those with sore nipples, find a lactation consultant to check your latch, stat!

  • Megs August 9, 2011 at 10:21 am

    Thank you for being so real about boob feeding. My son is 10 months old and our nursing relationship now is mostly rainbows and unicorns, but it certainly wasn’t always this sparkly. I too had unrealistic expectations about how easy breastfeeding would/should be. The first few weeks my boobs were pornographically large, with cracked nips that shot milk halfway across the room on the regular. Let’s just say I’m thankful that my couches are leather. Then we discover he has a milk protein intolerance (that we didn’t figure out until after 13 weeks of pure dramababy HELL-we refer to this period in our lives as “the Dark Time”). Once I quit dairy, he quit freaking out and actually slept for more than 20 minutes at a time. Now he’s a model baby-sleeps like a champ, nurses awesome; he is so freaking happy! And I have a serious case of the skinnys, so BONUS. I am so thankful that I stuck with it even though I wanted to quit so badly. My favorite part of the day now is first thing in the morning the hubby gets him up and brings him to bed with me so we can nurse and cuddle while we both wake up. So to all the new mamas out there, hang in there, it gets SO much better!

    • Megan U. August 9, 2011 at 3:15 pm

      hmmmmm i just might need to look into this milk protein intolerance stat!!! “the dark time” love it

  • Amy August 9, 2011 at 10:27 am

    Hi –
    As a mother of two kids – both breastfeed, I wanted to say thank you for posting such a real life version of breastfeeding. Also wanted to share some advice for those with kids who only want it “from the tap” . My son only wanted to suck from me and won’t drink from a bottle – as a working mother this scared me and my husband. But we followed a suggestion from my BOOB group. I slept in a t-shirt for a couple of nights and then my husband would wear it when he was feeding my son. It kind if tricked him into thinking I was there. We used the same trick to get him to sleep in his crib. Silly kids are so easy to fool!

    Way to go to all you breastfeeding mom’s – boob’s kick ass!

  • Alex August 9, 2011 at 10:39 am

    All I can say are, I like the boob hats. I want hats for my boobs.

  • demi August 9, 2011 at 10:40 am

    omg i remember isabel never wanted the bottles. we went through ALL OF THEM IN CREATION. we never supplemented with anything-as the whole supply and demand thing is indeed true (i had oversupply-which is a whole nother topic of nutso-ness) so I always had plenty. but you know what happened? one day i come home frantically from a haircut and i could feel my boobs about to explode. and I see my mom. feeding isabel with A BOTTLE. While i was sort of happy with it-SHE DIDN’T WANT MY BOOBS EVER AGAIN. I cried, oh the crying. she still would take breastmilk of course-that I had to pump all the time, but I still missed the bond of breastfeeding SO MUCH. then we had to deal with the bottle cleaning shit which i wasn’t too keen on. so just know if the babe loves your boobs-it’s a wonderful thing. even during cluster feeding. I complained about it so much back then-but now it’s like I want to have another baby so i can be like HEY EVERYONE I AM BREASTFEEDING FOR LIFE. wierd. i know.

  • Tia August 9, 2011 at 10:53 am

    If I could give one piece of advice, it’s this…

    I was 4 weeks into being a mommy. I was breast feeding, and things were going great. I had concerns of a vaginal infection (I had a c-section, so that tends to be a worry for some), so I went to the doctor. Well, I wasn’t able to see my doctor, as I went in as soon as there was an appointment. She gave me an antibiotic, without a Diflucan (or other kind of drug to prevent a yeast infection). I had told her that I am severely prone to yeast infections from antibiotics and I needed one. She said that with all the bleeding I was still doing from the birth, I had nothing to worry about. WRONG!!! Turns out, I ended up getting a yeast infection in my milk. I had sharp, shooting pains in my boobs for like 3 weeks, along with my boobs being super hot all the time, and completely uncomfortable. The breastfeeding got worse, as my daughter developed a severe case of thrush. At 6 weeks, I found out I had a yeast infection in my milk, and had to stop nursing her for 4 days. But the infection and just pumping destroyed my milk supply. So, she was supplemented from there, and I was only able to continue breastfeeding through 10 weeks, before my milk had pretty much disappeared.. The moral of the story…always get a diflucan and make stupid doctor’s listen to you when you tell them something!!!

  • The K Spot August 9, 2011 at 11:32 am

    You may want to mention the “pirahna phase” of nursing when baby cuts his teeth and accidentally clamps down on Mama’s nipple. It happens at least once with every baby. It will hurt. Just warning ya if you haven’t had the pleasure of this one happening yet.

    • Marjorie August 9, 2011 at 11:35 am

      Oh, that is THE WORST! I screamed and the baby looked up at me with this terrified expression on her face then burst into tears!

  • Rebecca August 9, 2011 at 11:45 am

    I’m at stay at home mom and I was thinking I would just bf forevs. But lately the little guy (6mo) is having a hard time focusing on the boob. He get so distracted and I am fighting him to eat. But then if I give him a pumped bottle, he’s fine with it. In the meantime, it looks like I’m starting to dry up from the occasional skipped feedings. Sadsies. My doc says he might be teething but I don’t get why a bottle would feel better to him than a boob. Anyone have this issue? Yes, I know this isn’t a LLL support group, but I don’t think I could actually bring myself to post on a more serious blog (b/c at the end of the day, if he’s weaning off the boob, so be it). Anyway, love the recent boob stuff.

    • Megs August 9, 2011 at 12:54 pm

      YES! We went through this not too long ago too. My son (now 10 months) became so easily distracted at the boob, it was like trying to nurse a tasmanian devil. He would take a bottle just fine, probably because he didn’t feel like he was missing any of the fun since there wasn’t a giant boob blocking his view. I just made sure to nurse him when I knew he was hungry, and in a quiet, dim room away from all the action of the TV, the dog, the hubby, etc. He gets right down to business, eats great and gets back to playing. When we are out in public, I just bring a pumped bottle now, because that’s just not happening, he’s all GET THAT THING OUT OF MY FACE, I AM BUSY EXPLORING! I sometimes wonder if he has baby ADD…

    • MODG August 9, 2011 at 7:43 pm

      we STILL have this issue. Try a nursing necklace or nursing in a dark quiet place.

      • Rebecca August 9, 2011 at 10:19 pm

        Never heard of a nursing necklace but I like the sound of that. I’m on it.
        P.S. Perhaps what JC needs is a good healthy debate about whether Cindy or Vicky was a better match for Danny. Just a suggestion.

  • Ziagrrl August 9, 2011 at 11:53 am

    Not a mom, don’t plan to be. I am enjoying your blog, though. I guess I’m on the martini end of things.

    I’m off to the craft store to find little hats for my boobs. Love.

  • kaitlin August 9, 2011 at 11:59 am

    I’ll be a mom in 3 months and am determined to breastfeed. I literally pray everynight that I will be able to. I know it will be hard with only 8 weeks off work, but I want (health, the bond) and need (money-saving) to do this! Thanks to you and all the commenters for the encouragement. I have read all of the comments.

    I read before I was pregnant & now and always love your blog. It’s who you are and what you are going through RIGHT NOW…I’ll talk your face off about brit, rhony and the kardashians but sometimes, I gotta get real about this baby thats about to hit me like a ton of bricks. So thanks for stayin real too.

    • MODG August 9, 2011 at 7:43 pm

      you will be. Only 1% of women actually CAN’T breastfeed. You may have issues, but get to a lactation consultant and don’t give up.

      • brainafterbaby August 12, 2011 at 4:19 pm

        I think this statistic is inaccurate and adds needless pressure. Also depends on definition of “can’t.” Good luck to the expecting mom, sounds like you are ready to give it your best shot!

  • Stephanie August 9, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    Elle, I also had trouble with sore nipples. I used tea bags that had been soaked in warm water for a few seconds and Lansinoh cream that you can buy anywhere. I used the Lansinoh after each feeding on both sides to help with the soreness for the year that I nursed and the tea bags after each feeding for the first few weeks. Good luck and stick with it, it does get a lot better!
    I also recommend talking to a breast feeding or lactation consultant because they do have different opinions than a ped (my ped nused all of her kids so she was very helpful) and to everyone who is pregnant, find out if the hospital you are going to deliver at has a breast feeing class or ask you doctor about where to take one. Be sure to pump a bottle after a few weeks to get the baby used to taking one and have your husband feed the baby because they don’t have anything to do anyway!
    MODG, I am so glad you are doing this, I wish you had been blogging when I had my first little one because it is so much harder than you think it will be and having someone to ask questions to helps so much!

    • Elle August 10, 2011 at 3:59 pm

      Thanks so much for the tips! I’ve been pumping and trying to give him a bottle but he always looks at me in disgust with his wtf is this rubber shit look on his face…hopefully he will learn to love it before I go back to work!

  • NMK August 9, 2011 at 1:11 pm

    MODG, Thanks for being so honest about your experience!!
    To sum up my experience, C is almost six months old, when we started this crazy ride I was stupid and thought “how hard can this be!!” Well, it pretty much sucked for two months!! C had a pediatrician who was handing out cans of formula like it was goin outta style and just telling me to supplement. So I would nurse then give a bottle and pump, and he would fall asleep and we would do this shit twenty four hours a day. I was depressed and felt like a hostage in my own house b/c all I did was try to feed this kid constantly. I was using bottles and a supplemental nursing system. I thought it was my supply, so I was eating oatmeal constantly, taking herbal supplements (More Milk Plus, by Motherlove) and power pumping.
    After two months, C had barely gained a pound above birth weight, so thanks to an amazing Lactation Consultant, I took C to an Osteopathic Dr who performed CranioSacral Therapy and handed me a new baby!! I’m still not sure how or what she did, but I know she realigned him, worked on his whole body. It was crazy hippie magic, because C gained 9 ounces in a week!! At the same time we switched to a new pediatrician, I wish I had researched my options better, because the new group has never handed me formula. They actually have a team of lactation consultants who see newborns within days of discharge from the hospital, and they have a dr who specializes in breastfeeding medicine.
    In the beginning I put a lot of pressure on myself. I almost threw in the towel, but I’m glad I gave it one more shot! C is still small for his weight, but someone has to be on the bottom of the growth chart!! I stopped obsessing about what side and how long I nurse for and now I just nurse when he wants to eat! Even if it seems like he lives on my boobs, it makes him happy!!
    One of the best things for me is that I can sleep while C nurses, thank you side lying position!! And if my crazy mother in law comes over, I can go upstairs and have quiet time with C.
    Boob support groups are really the best thing ever!! A room full of hormonal women whipping boobs out and talking about their experiences and asking questions!! For a long time, my boob group was the only place I felt normal!!
    I have also manage to be in a wedding while pumping!! Nothing like whippin a boob out of your strapless bridesmaid dress to manually pump and dump in a bathroom stall!!!
    Good luck everyone!! MODG I get super excited to read when I see a new post!!

  • Cranberry Moms » Blog Archive » The joys of newborns, hormones, and boobs August 9, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    […] For anyone in need of a good laugh check out Boobs helping other boobs to be the best boos they can be. […]

  • VAMom August 9, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    Great blog! I, like many others, just started reading this when you became famous. I also had some serious trouble introducing the bottle. Everyone here has already given lots of good tips… I prepred the following list to send out to my bf-support group, which is a compilation of all the advice I received. Feel free to pass it along. The one tip I received after posting this – try letting your baby play with a bottle when not hungry so it doesn’t become so intimidating. This did not qork so well for us, as our little one was too small to grasp it at the time… but we did try (we used a small Medela pump bottle and disposable Nuk nipple top – and filled it with Good and Plenties to create a rattle, that I proceeded to nibble on each day).

    1. Try Different Bottles/Nipples – I always used the slowest flow nipples for each, but basically gave up after trying 3… decided the problem wasn’t the bottle, but the baby.

    2. Try to feed her when she is nugry not not starving – sometimes hard to practice for little ones who’s only predictable behavior is that they will never be predictable.

    3. Have mom leave the house – apparently babies are like tracking animals and can smell your boobs even if you are in a different room.

    4. Try feeding her yourself – a little counter-intuitive, but I actually found our little one took a bottle better from me than others… so we just went with that until she was more comfortable with the whole thing.

    5. Try different feeding positions – the one that worked best for me was to have her leaning up in her boppy and me feeding her. She fusses more if she is in my lap – likely because she would rather drink from the bib boob that would be right near her face in that position.

    6. Try distractions when feeding her – it may make you nervous to try, but I was told of one success story when the baby finally took a bottle for the first time at a loud restaurant. Although we generally try not to let our little one look at the TV, I admittedly let her do so when trying to get her to take the bottle. It seemed to help, even if only a little.

    7. Try feeding at different times during the day .

    8. Don’t necessarily expect her to take a lot from the bottle in the beginning… it is a good day when I could get my darling to take 2oz!

    9. This will most certainly work itself, so try not to stress too much!

  • Emmy August 9, 2011 at 3:02 pm

    A friend recently shared you’re blog with me and I just wanted to comment to say I am so glad she did! And actually it couldn’t have come at a better time – I’m just entering my second trimester of my first kiddo so it is awesome to learn so much and have a good laugh at the same time :) thanks!

  • LaurenF August 9, 2011 at 3:18 pm

    Re: bottles!

    (I’m the commenter whose babyla is on a bottle strike.) I bought the book “Balancing Breast and Bottle: Reaching Your Breastfeeding Goals” – it’s on amazon, but I ordered from the publisher. The information in that book (it has plenty of photos so you can see what’s a good latch/bad latch, etc.) coupled with help from our lactation consultant has given me more confidence in the techniques I’m using to trick my handsome one into taking a bottle.

    We had success today with the MAM bottle and nipple – he was just waking up from a 2 hr nap in his bouncy chair… I kept him in the chair, wrapped his favorite blanket around the bottle, and got him to latch on before milk started coming out of the nipple. He fussed a tiny bit, but then took it. I’m the one who fed him – the authors suggest that the mom should try, since she knows what the baby’s latch on the boobz looks like. The milk was at room temp and he had about 2.5 oz. I was SO excited! The book said that if the baby takes a couple of oz from the bottle, then feel free to finish with a breastfeeding session afterwards. I burped him and tried to nurse, but he fussed. So we walked around a bit, I changed him, he visited with the giraffe growth chart on his wall 😉 , I tried again about 20 minutes later, and he nursed just fine.

    The book suggests practicing 2x per day starting at 3-4 weeks of age – but make sure to pump to maintain supply!! And, like other commenters mentioned, our biggest mistake was quitting the bottles completely for several weeks since nursing was going so well.

    MODG, I appreciate the supportive community that your boobie (and motherhood in general) posts are bringing together. This job is harder than the one I get paid to do. I will continue to point friends in your direction for an honest, hysterical look at life!

  • Colleen C August 9, 2011 at 3:38 pm

    I’m gonna be a mom soon. As in any day now. I want to breastfeed. Your posts rock. But I agree with everyone that real-life in-person boobs-out group would be best. How in the WORLD do I find one?? Anyone wanna hang out with our boobs out in south-eastern massachusetts?!

    but seriously – how did you all find your groups?

  • Bryna August 9, 2011 at 4:55 pm

    Speaking of support, what is the best nursing bra out there? And by best, I mean one that does not make your boobs look like torpedos or one big uniboob.

    • MODG August 9, 2011 at 7:45 pm

      Bravado, google it. love it.

      • rozzypants August 11, 2011 at 3:36 pm

        melinda g front snap bra. it ain’t pretty, but it’s damn comfy and easy to open/close with one hand and no boob showing.

  • Jennifer August 9, 2011 at 5:30 pm

    This has absolutely nothing to do with boobs. But bravo to all you mommas out there for breastfeeding. One day I hope to join your special club.

    MODG, what is the name of the font you’re using in these MS Paint drawings? It’s adorable!

    • MODG August 9, 2011 at 7:45 pm

      King Cool

  • Dawn August 9, 2011 at 5:39 pm

    Long-time reader, first-time commenter just wanted to say THANK YOU for your hilarious, honest take on all things baby. With a seven-week-old dramababy with a side of don’t-put-me-down-disease of my own who wants the boob every 1.5-2 hours all day and night long, your archives about G’s early days are sometimes the only thing keeping me sane. All my friends supposedly had angel babies who slept through the night at two weeks and never had any bf issues, so it’s nice to know I’m not alone! Thank you again!

  • KP August 9, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    Good post MODG. For the commenter who is pregnant and interested in learning about breastfeeding, La Leche League meetings are open to moms-to-be. This is a very earthy-crunchy bunch most of the time, usually people who believe in extended breast-feeding, co-sleeping, baby-wearing, etc. I know some people are weirded out by some of those things, so just a warning about what you would be walking into. However, I am surprised by how much motherhood changed my opinions on some things – I used to be terrified of co-sleeping and now believe it is one of the most awesome things ever.

  • Cassy August 9, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    I love your blog, I love your cynicism and sarcasm. Happily at breast feeding for the 3rd time, with an almost 3 week old baby girl, and though she’s not nearly the dramatic baby her brothers were (thank GOD!) still already had a round of thrush, 1 clogged milk duct, and 1 infected boob. What?! Yeah, I didn’t know that could happen either. Also a death in the family and (my) grandma got breast cancer. A rough postpartum baby blues period to say the least. Things are looking up though, antibiotics are doing the job, and Thing 1 & Thing 2 are showing their sweet sides to their little sister. Thanks for being real about real stuff. It’s not all rainbows and butterflies like we want it to be.

    • MODG August 9, 2011 at 7:46 pm

      I feel your pain. I had it all. keep on keeping on

  • Rebecca August 9, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    If you ever do another installment of Ask the Famous Boob Lady (please do another installment of Ask the Famous Boob Lady) can you offer some advice on what to do for leaking boobs. Not just little leaks but fire hydrant leaks. I thought your supply was supposed to match the demand at some point so that this ridiculous leaking would stop but 3+ months into this and I still have to change those ridiculous nursing pads at least twice/day, everyday. WTF. Not only do I always need to have an extra pair of nursing pads with me when I leave the house but I also have to have an extra shirt. Oy vey.

    • MODG August 9, 2011 at 7:47 pm

      I have oversupply and you probably do too. does your baby choke sometimes at the boob? Is your baby very gassy? If so it’s oversupply.
      Try blockfeeding (look it up on kellymom.com) and try leaning back when nursing. Blockfeeding really works ONLY if you have oversupply though

  • Elle August 9, 2011 at 7:23 pm

    OMG Modg…OMG. You made my day…this is what tweens must feel like after a justin beiber sighting. Both your words and boobs of encouragement are magical. Rock on mama. sparkle kisses for all!

  • shannon milliorn August 9, 2011 at 8:25 pm

    OMG my sister is semi-famous! That’s right ladies my sister is Meg U. happy sighs! i think this makes me half of semi-famous now too…right?
    Love you MODG and your ability to promote lopsided boobs

  • Ashley August 9, 2011 at 8:42 pm

    Thank you! My first baby is due in November, and I’ll be breastfeeding. This real info is gold to me. And congrats, your blog was blocked from my work computer today for “adult content”. Total bullshit.

    • ed August 10, 2011 at 1:37 am

      that’s sooo funny!

  • Philly Maggie August 9, 2011 at 9:28 pm

    I’m a mom with grade school kids, i (gasp!) formula fed them as babies and i STiLL love this shit!!! Real is where its at, fake happy yummy blogging is soooo 2008 :-D. (Side note: if you post about nursing G his first day of school, i may have to re-think this post) 😉 until then, rock on with your boobalicious self!

  • Lera - for Lauren F August 9, 2011 at 9:41 pm

    Lauren F – I have two friends whose babies would not take a bottle, but both babies took pumped milk in a sippy cup. One friend is a college professor who went back to work, and her child care providers fed her 4 month old pumped milk in a sippy cup. The other friend went back to work much sooner, and her care provider also only used a sippy cup (never a bottle). Both babies only ever drank from breasts or cups. Try a few sippy cups. As long as the provider makes sure that the baby isn’t drinking too fast or too much, it might work. Also, the other thing with bottles is that breastmilk comes out of a breast like waves on a beach. Nature built in pauses. Milk comes out of a bottle like a faucet. KellyMom has an awesome page online talking about ways to make bottlefeeding less overwhelming for breastfed babies who are not used to the faucet of milk. Here is a link: http://www.kellymom.com/bf/pumping/bottle-feeding.html

    • LaurenF August 9, 2011 at 10:35 pm

      hey, thanks for the link. i’ve read a bunch of the info on kellymom – we had 2 successful bottles today! not counting my chickens, but…. baby J built in pauses for himself, and if i saw him getting ahead of himself, i pulled back a bit on the bottle.
      i considered the cup as one of our last resorts, but this kid loves to suck on things – real nips, paci, now the bottle nip, his hands (apparently they are delicious little appendages), his blanket… so i’ll stick with this bottle as long as it works.
      thanks for the input!!

  • erin August 9, 2011 at 11:41 pm

    totally unrelated to this post, but i came across this on a blog and totally thought of you:


    haha! hope you appreciate the randomness!!!


  • Rach August 10, 2011 at 12:34 am

    I’ve been a reader from Day One… one might say I have totally latched on to the MODG posts… ahhhh, just a little boob humor there! (You lost me for a hot minute when you showed us an actual photo of non-simulated poop but I’m right back on the wagon.)

    MODG, love… I think you’re wonderful for being so sweet & supportive to these other chicks. I’m not a mom (yet!, but I’m a kickass aunt!) but it is a huge comfort to know that when I do eventually get there (“there” being “knocked up”)… I can refer back to these posts, and find some support from other girls who will be 110% real about it!

    Kick ass, Seabass!

  • Steph August 10, 2011 at 7:56 am

    It’s so great to read all the wonderful and supportive comments here! I wish I would have found this blog sooner! My girls are older now (6&8). But my oldest WOULD NOT take milk any other way than the boob. She flat out refused any faux nipples. Finally my husband was able to give her milk from a sippy cup around 6 months. It had a top that looked nothing like a nipple and I think that helped to confuse her just long enough for her to stop freaking out and become interested in it:)

  • Deanna August 10, 2011 at 11:08 am

    MMMMM Alcohol – DO IT! I have 2 drinks at a time and feel comfortable nursing. PUH LEEZ have a drink if you feel you need it! Like MODG said – the Euros do way worse (they might even put beer in the bottles – just sayin). I even believe that it help with breastfeeding! The more we relax the better the supply they always say! No one actually says that but me but I believe it 100%… mmmm wine. If I could only have it at work too.

  • A-Ridg August 10, 2011 at 6:06 pm

    Ok- the best part is when you admit you have at least one glass of wine a night. So now I’ll just tell my husband I’m practicing for when we have a baby and I’m nursing. Also- where did you find your doula? I just imagined myself interviewing people off of craigslist, but maybe that’s not the best idea.

  • ME August 11, 2011 at 9:25 am

    LaurenF- try NUK nipples/bottles, the worked for us.

  • Susan August 11, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    New moms – you CAN do it! And you should not have to supplement – the baby sucking will stimulate supply. I am still nursing my 3rd child (who is almost 17 mos but refuses to drop the right-before-bed feeding), and I nursed the other 2 for 14 and 15 mos each. My babies were big – 8’7, 9’3, and 9’11 and they did not need supplemental formula (which is good because they were in the club of kids who never took bottles – all 3 of them!). So if a 9 lb 11 oz baby can make it on just breastmilk, so can most others! Just hang in there, trust your body, have that glass of wine (or beer, which stimulates supply, per my mom and my ped). Don’t stress about it though – that really does reduce supply. Just relax and crank up the DVR!

  • Sara August 13, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    Wow – this is a great post!! I just had my 2nd son 8 weeks ago and he was 5 weeks early weighing in at 3.5lbs. I’m nursing him now, but we’re having to do all bottles. I pump and then feed him (such a beating!). He rarely wants to latch on…but I’m determined to get him to the breast at least once a day. I had the opposite problem than you – my milk supply was running low so I went to the health food store and got an all natural herb to help it along – it’s called “More Milk Special Blend” by Motherlove. It works great!!! And to Elle – they also make a nipple cream that I got a sample of and it works awesome. I’ve also heard to put olive oil on your nipples so that they don’t get sore.(does anyone else hate the word nipple????).
    On the alcohol front – I have at least one glass a night too. But…on those occasions when I want more than that, I bought the Milkscreen strips that test your milk before giving it to the bebe. I had 2.5 glasses the other night, but waited to pump for 2 hours after my last glass and it was negative! On the other hand, I had 2 glasses one other night and pumped right after and it was positive so I tossed out the liquid gold.

    Love your blog!!

  • Laura August 17, 2011 at 3:01 pm

    I came to your blog through the first BOOBS post. I’ve now read back through when G was the same age as my Lu (4 mos) and I just really wanted to say thanks. I feel so clueless, all of the time, like when Lu will ONLY NAP with my NIPPLE IN HER MOUTH and otherwise will only yell for me to tote her around the apartment (um, happening now) and your frankness and honesty and SENSE OF STYLE are really encouraging. So thanxy thanks thanks.