Day 1 of the frog brain chicken feet bone marrow diet.
So I’ve got all my witches soup brew prepared much to B’s vomit. The plan is to eat all meals for the day consisting of boiled meats, homemade soups and veggies. The goal is to get in lots of animal fats to start the healing of my tummy and G’s. All good in theory.
I start my day with a MAC makeover with my girlfriend and my thermos of soup. Note about soup: it’s not a compliment when people tell you that you smell like it. Not like chicken soup or beef broth, just soup smell. So there was that. But the soup was tasty and I was feeling positive.
Lunch came around and it was time for some mo’ soup. This time with broccoli and chicken. Delicious. I’m so good at soup.
Few hours before dinner, not doing so hot. Feeling a dot light headed. I eat a few spoonfuls of almond butter for a bit of carbs and extra protein. Tasted so good I wanted to paint my skin with the damn butter and lick it off slowly. That didn’t happen.
Dinner time. What’s on the menu? SOUP. This time with broccoli, cauliflower, garlic, onion, carrot and chicken. I went heavy on the veggies to get some carbs in.
Post dinner. Shit, I want a cookie dipped in icing stat. Instead I have water. Same thing.
Go to sleep. 1:30am wake up. Not just regular wake up. I wake up shaking. My hands are trembling and my heart is beating as fast as a britney dance jam. I know this is not good. I get up to get an apple to get my blood sugar up. On the way back to bed, my staircase turned into a merry go round and I crawled in circles wondering how B got the pony’s into the house. I had blacked out. And then the vomit….
I vomited for a solid 7 hours. And that super burny vomit that rapes your throat open, bulimic style. Meanwhile I have a baby screaming for more boob milk as I’m dry heaving into my full length mirror/toilet. I.wanted.to.die.
And you know how then after you puke, you think about what you ate and you NEVER want to even hear the words “meat broth” again in your whole life. Then you remember that you have to eat it for 98 more days. Then you puke again.
At 3 am I actually emailed one of my readers who had mentioned that she had been on this diet. I think the email was like ohmygodi’mdyingcomesaveme. And like the awesome readers that I have, she sent me the best calming rational helpful email. She basically told me I was a crack addict for going about the diet in the way that I was, while nursing. She was right. I’m all or nothing and it usually gets me into trouble.
Fast forward to today, Easter. Mom makes the most amazing beautiful good smelling magical rainbow and glitter meal. I got to smell it. Oh and there were Peeps. PEEPS.
On the way home, we drove straight to Wendy’s where I ordered a large fries (one of the few foods G is ok with). My throat felt like it was getting re-raped eating those bad boys but it was WORTH IT.
So now I’m in this place of what the shit do I eat. I’m going to try and stick with Gaps but in a more normal way, without the detox portion. But today was the first day in a long time I just wanted to throw in the towel and run away to live in the corner of a pizza hut and never look back.
This is hard. All of it. HARD.
Happy Jesus ghost day. Hope your day included marginally less vomit than mine.