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GAPS diet day 1. Preview: I almost rose right along with Jesus.

April 24, 2011

Day 1 of the frog brain chicken feet bone marrow diet.

Summary: Nightmare

So I’ve got all my witches soup brew prepared much to B’s vomit. The plan is to eat all meals for the day consisting of boiled meats, homemade soups and veggies. The goal is to get in lots of animal fats to start the healing of my tummy and G’s. All good in theory.

I start my day with a MAC makeover with  my girlfriend and my thermos of soup. Note about soup: it’s not a compliment when people tell you that you smell like it. Not like chicken soup or beef broth, just soup smell. So there was that. But the soup was tasty and I was feeling positive.

Lunch came around and it was time for some mo’ soup. This time with broccoli and chicken. Delicious. I’m so good at soup.

Few hours before dinner, not doing so hot. Feeling a dot light headed. I eat a few spoonfuls of almond butter for a bit of carbs and extra protein. Tasted so good I wanted to paint my skin with the damn butter and lick it off slowly. That didn’t happen.

Dinner time. What’s on the menu? SOUP. This time with broccoli, cauliflower, garlic, onion, carrot and chicken. I went heavy on the veggies to get some carbs in.

Post dinner. Shit, I want a cookie dipped in icing stat. Instead I have water. Same thing.

Go to sleep. 1:30am wake up. Not just regular wake up. I wake up shaking. My hands are trembling and my heart is beating as fast as a britney dance jam. I know this is not good. I get up to get an apple to get my blood sugar up. On the way back to bed, my staircase turned into a merry go round and I crawled in circles wondering how B got the pony’s into the house. I had blacked out. And then the vomit….

I vomited for a solid 7 hours. And that super burny vomit that rapes your throat open, bulimic style. Meanwhile I have a baby screaming for more boob milk as I’m dry heaving into my full length mirror/toilet. I.wanted.to.die.

And you know how then after you puke, you think about what you ate and you NEVER want to even hear the words “meat broth” again in your whole life. Then you remember that you have to eat it for 98 more days. Then you puke again.

At 3 am I actually emailed one of my readers who had mentioned that she had been on this diet. I think the email was like ohmygodi’mdyingcomesaveme. And like the awesome readers that I have, she sent me the best calming rational helpful email. She basically told me I was a crack addict for going about the diet in the way that I was, while nursing. She was right. I’m all or nothing and it usually gets me into trouble.

Fast forward to today, Easter. Mom makes the most amazing beautiful good smelling magical rainbow and glitter meal. I got to smell it. Oh and there were Peeps. PEEPS.

Happy Easter. Love, my boobs.

On the way home, we drove straight to Wendy’s where I ordered a large fries (one of the few foods G is ok with). My throat felt like it was getting re-raped eating those bad boys but it was WORTH IT.

So now I’m in this place of what the shit do I eat. I’m going to try and stick with Gaps but in a more normal way, without the detox portion. But today was the first day in a long time I just wanted to throw in the towel and run away to live in the corner of a pizza hut and never look back.

This is hard. All of it. HARD.

Happy Jesus ghost day. Hope your day included marginally less vomit than mine.

This is what the Jesus Ghost Bunny brought dramababy. 3 seconds later he screamed and cried about it.

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  • Lindsay April 24, 2011 at 7:33 pm

    SO I’m always super psyched to read your posts and am generally like a cracked out bunny rabbit (in honor of defibrillation day) getting to my computer and this time all I have is this: Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not the most dedicated mama ever to walk the earth. Now go research manuka honey and get yo-self some for your throat (if you haven’t already heard about it, being the digestive princess that you are).

  • janina April 24, 2011 at 7:53 pm

    oh amanda… i wish i could give you some good advice about all of this.

    i will say this: i have had stomach issues my whole life. been lactose intolerant since the day i was PULLED BY FORCEPS out of my mom’s womb (before her epidural even took full effect, but i ain’t getting into that). anyways, i spend my childhood constantly feeling like i would throw up, or i’d be stuck on the toilet for hours on end in pain. i finally stopped drinking milk (sort of) but then the IBS started. different sort of stomach issues that required me to sit on the toilet for more hours (not fun). anyways… i happened to stumble upon “eat right for your blood type”. it’s NOT a diet. it is more of a “this is what you should and shouldn’t eat if your blood type is A, B, O or AB”. it’s SUPER EASY. you can get a small booklet (or the big book) with all of the foods that you should eat and what you shouldn’t eat. for example: i’m blood type A. so bascially i should be a vegetarian. i love meat… but it wasn’t loving me back. i stopped eating it for like 6 months, and coincidentally stopped getting migraines, didn’t have stomach issues (yay!), and lost a few lbs. it doesn’t require you to cook crazy frog leg broth or eat just rice.

    i fell off the wagon for a while but try to follow it for the most part and my stomach issues are always non-existant when i do.

    look it up, it’s legit, and it might help.

  • Kimberly April 24, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    First of all, your boobs are breathtaking…in a non-lesbian way of course…and i can sympathize since I’ve been saying hello again to food I ate at breakfast. Oy. Not fun especially when there is a basket of Cadbury cream eggs taunting the shit out of me in the kitchen.

  • Lori April 24, 2011 at 7:59 pm

    I sincerely hope things start getting better for you, for reals. There are other things I could say to you but I won’t cause you have heard it all before. You just do what is right for you and the lil Gster. Speaking for myself, I would have G on the formula like yesterday and I would be in a drunken stupor.

  • M April 24, 2011 at 8:18 pm

    Right there with you on the pukin’ Easter. Pukin kids all around. Just a show of solidarity from one mom to another.

  • demi April 24, 2011 at 8:50 pm

    GF-I have NOTHING except that I wanna give you a hug times a billion over the internet if it was possible. you are such a good mother and that is that. i’m SO sorry that you had to go through the vomity stuff!!! sending calm tummy vibes for you and G! xo

  • Meggo April 24, 2011 at 8:57 pm

    Where did you get your dress?! I love it and your blog too :o)

    I hope this gaps diet works out better for you guys.

  • Gini April 24, 2011 at 9:29 pm

    For being on the most frustrating diets EVER, you look amazing! LOVE YOUR HAIR.

    • Nina April 26, 2011 at 5:19 am

      Seriously! For feeling like shit and throat rape and all, you look like the super hot boob-a-licious mom I can only hope to look like if I ever pop out a little human! So cheers to that I suppose! 😉

  • Renee April 24, 2011 at 9:36 pm

    Ok, so let me first say that I feel so bad for your night from hell, but that being said…I have to admit I laughed out loud at parts of this story (like the merry-go-round-on-the-stairs part). You have SUCH a hilarious and entertaining writing style. I check your blog like daily and am always excited when there is a post from you, regardless of the topic. It is like my mental break of the day from a world of Bumbos and Boppys :)

  • vturn7 April 24, 2011 at 9:39 pm

    Commend you for trying all of this. But remember that parenting and feeding your child should come easy. Best advise we ever got as new parents. This baby came into YOUR life not the other way around. We do change our lives a little but not completely! Mine are 12 and 8 now, and even with gas and food issues we do pretty good (they’re alive!) No, but no more packaged foods, everything is natural, plant based & when we do eat meat (buffalo mostly, beef, chicken & turkey from a local farms. Deer is wild) we know where it comes from (as in what farmer raised my cow/buffalo/chicken/turkey).

  • Serial April 24, 2011 at 9:45 pm

    Having no babies, and no (major) fart problems, I have no advice for you.

    However: I would like to add to the holy-wowza-do-your-boobs-look-great line of commenting with a little I-would-kill-for-hair-that-shiny.


  • KailiCockeram April 24, 2011 at 10:44 pm

    word to the boobs. also, damn. that sucks. i’ve been in your boat almost exactly to the t, maybe even the same time line, only your baby looks older. (the almost part being i haven’t had to resort to that awful diet) i think i refuse. i also do everything whole hog and end up making myself batshit over it until my husband talks me out of a tree. it’d be interesting to read a post on how this whole fiasco has been affecting your relationship with the husband-unit. good luck and keep your chin up.

  • Heather April 24, 2011 at 10:44 pm

    Please do not be this hard on yourself! I have a baby with tummy issues and respiratory issues and allergies. Please try nutramigen if you can’t hang with the GAPS diet. She is actually getting over some of her allergies. Please don’t kill yourself. I thought that I was going to lose it too. You are so dedicated but there is no medal at the end of this road, just more challenges in different areas.

  • B April 24, 2011 at 11:02 pm

    First off, for being up all night on the brink of death, you look gorgeous! And despite having been nursing for the past 16 months, my boobs never looked that fantastic! You go!

    Second, sorry to hear about your horrid diet experience! Hang in there, mama!

  • S April 25, 2011 at 12:05 am

    My sister was very sick as a baby – up until she was about 2. Since we were adopted, we were both bottle-fed. (On a side note, I was happy as a clam as long as I got something to eat.) Every other week, her doctors diagnosed her with a new allergy but eliminating the new allergen didn’t make her any better. It got to the point that the only thing she could eat were popsicles. My mother got fed up and found a female Jewish pediatrician in the phone book (because Jewish moms know best). Immediately she straightened everything out, and it turns out my sister was allergic to nothing. My point? Keep truckin’ away and looking for answers and eventually you’ll hit the nail right on the head with something that works for both you and Baby G, and the moment you find it, you’ll know you found it. Best of luck!

  • Netty April 25, 2011 at 12:57 am

    Goodness MODG! Tons of us out here in blog land are crossing our fingers for you! When I’ve done stuff like this before there is always a die-off period where the problem in your body fights back. So most likely that’s where this all stemmed from. The yeastie-beasties in your intestines are majorly pissed! Good for you for being careful to get enough nutrients/calories/protein/etc to make milk for Baby G! We’re all cheering you on–Mom of the year!!

  • Winn April 25, 2011 at 1:17 am

    Yow! Detoxing is hard I can’t imagine doing it while breastfeeding. And yes. We saw “the girls”. Great job. 😉 Now go and take it easy on yourself. Detox when you can.

  • Khadijah April 25, 2011 at 6:36 am

    Oh, MODG. You deserve a spot next to Jesus. I have problems with sciatica. My doctor tried to write me a prescription for a pill that would mean no alcohol and no aspirin for 30 days. I nicely asked her to look back in her little med book and find something else. If she dare tried to take away my processed foods and microwaved Peeps, I’d snapped. Wishing you and Baby G all the best.

    • Kiki April 25, 2011 at 9:14 am

      I had terrible sciatica with my first pregnancy. Using a hynpo-therapist/guided imagery therapist and chiropractor who specialized in pregnant women worked wonders for me — prior to trying that I was laying on the living room floor day and night for 2 months. So whether or not you are pregnant, I would suggest giving chiropractic care a try. Best of luck — I feel your pain!! :(

  • Stacy April 25, 2011 at 7:42 am

    Baby G looks so dapper. Sorry about the whole blacking out ordeal. You are doing awesome at trying to help baby G feel better. Keep up the awesome Mom work and hope you find solutions soon (minus blacking out of course).

  • Mama2Be April 25, 2011 at 9:19 am

    God bless you. That is all.

  • Kelly April 25, 2011 at 10:09 am

    Man, this is some hardcore shiz. But you are a badass and you can do it!

  • Amy April 25, 2011 at 10:29 am

    WOW. This sounds awful. I want to heat more about all of this when I see you this weekend. I’ve never heard of this diet – enlighten me!

  • Nicole J April 25, 2011 at 10:59 am

    Yay for french fries! Boo for vomit!

  • Lluvia April 25, 2011 at 11:17 am

    First of all, great picture of you three! Love G smiling and happy in his jumper-thingy.
    I hope your body adjusts to the new diet fast and may this be the solution to the BF drama! I commend you for sticking to it. I dropped the towel right away (my baby lost weight, so I got scared), but maybe I should have stuck to it longer. Either way, thanks for updating us and I hope that you are feeling great today! :-)

  • DoMo April 25, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    you poor thing. i want to cry and i’m only reading about your experience. :..( sparkly heart rainbow peep thoughts to you!!!

  • Marita April 25, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    Have you tried adding Greek yogurt to your diet? It’s high in protein and is proven to get rid of gut irritants. The probiotics in a super rich Greek yogurt will help clear everything out. If you get a plain lowfat or no fat kind (fage or chobani are the best) and add a bit of agave nectar on top it tastes like ice cream!

  • Meli April 25, 2011 at 3:44 pm

    Holy Hippie Juice!?! You impress me. I could have never done this for my 1st born. Or my 2nd, if I decide to be that ludacris. Pffft…..go girl.

  • Maggie April 25, 2011 at 5:48 pm

    i am a fan of the screwdriver on the baby mat. looks like my house, except sometimes my screwdrivers have vodka in them. hang in there girl. you’re doing great.

  • Maggie April 25, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    I am a fan of the screwdriver on the playmat. looks like my house, only sometimes my screwdrivers have vodka in them. hang in there girl. you’re doing great.

  • Lorissa April 25, 2011 at 7:26 pm

    Hey! I’m a new reader and love your blog- it makes me laugh and feel so much more sane. You’re doing such a great job taking care of your new baby. I’m on the verge of having twins next week! I wanted to share that in addition to any diets you might try MegaFlora Probiotics. You can get them at any health store. It’s just a pill and I take them 2x a day and they relieve all pregnancy related GI issues and have been such a lifesaver because I do not eat enough raw foods and they provide that extra needed boost. My other friend told me about them at least 4x before I finally got miserable enough to try it and I’m hooked now. The best part is they are literally a pill and require no thought or crazy shopping or calling asians for random animal parts!! I hope you are feeling better ASAP!! I’ll be reading ! 😉

  • chinamommy April 25, 2011 at 8:40 pm

    WOW, I am amazed at what you are willing to go thru for your little guy! Makes me even happier I decided to adopt a baby (Asian) because I would never have done this for anyone….
    You are one strong Mother…

  • Marie April 25, 2011 at 10:45 pm

    Hugs, love, beer, french fries and hope for a vomit free week.

  • Cyn April 26, 2011 at 9:49 am

    Holy freakin adorable baby!!!! I love the big smile!!!!! I know you’re not having a ton of fun right now, but at least you’re into the “smile” age. Now you can occasionally be rewarded by a big grin that just melts your heart. For me, motherhood went from being “REALLY HARD” to “hard but worth it” when my baby got to G’s age.

    Props for doing this diet thing. I’ll keep my fingers (and toes) crossed that this works for you and you discover a super happy baby.

  • Daisy April 26, 2011 at 9:53 am

    Your dedication is awe inspiring…but I’ll be honest, it is inspiring me to go eat some pasta with a Cadbury Egg chaser.

  • Anna April 26, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    bloody hell Amanda, sorry to be so English about it but BLOODY HELL!

    Have you heard of the Bach flower remedy system for stress and emotional imbalance. I swear that having the right mix of these saved me from postnatal depression after having major surgery after giving birth. I think it could certainly help you. They are completely safe to use when breastfeeding and

    It sounds like bloody hard work. Good Luck x x x x

  • anna April 26, 2011 at 1:04 pm

    that and… wasn’t going anywhere, my 2 year old just ran in the room completely covered in ketchup???!!! totally distracted me. Sorry x x

  • Tami April 26, 2011 at 3:23 pm

    No doubt about it, your commitment is amazing, but at some point, baby G is going to out grow
    these symptoms. At that time, you will either think that ‘special diet’, or ‘special supplements’ were the
    cure, but that is not necessarily true.
    Maybe you should try that expensive formula and still pump to keep up your milk supply, just to see.
    But then again, do I recall that Baby G doesn’t take a bottle yet? …….never mind. Kudos to you

  • Amy April 26, 2011 at 11:23 pm

    That is seriously hardcore. I thought my giving up all the major allergenic foods while breastfeeding was serious but this is way beyond what I did.

  • Debbie May 11, 2011 at 7:06 pm

    I am also doing the Gap diet and like you have woken a couple of times with a racing heart. I took two tablespoons of organic apple cider vinegar and washed it down with water (also washed my mouth out thoroughly as it is very acidic). Went back to bed and felt fine.