Things that happened this week:
1) I’ve become a stomach genius
2) I called 4 asians in search of chicken feet. 1 hung up on me.
3) I’m completely revolutionizing the way I think about, talk about, and poop about food.
In my never ending quest to distinguish my tiny fart rocket boy, I’ve discovered the GAPS diet. 2 separate women recommended it to me (1 from whole foods and 1 from my breastfeeding group). And you all know I’ll believe anything any hippie has to say, ever. Because they are magic. I looked it up and was all HELL NO am I eating fermented fish and chicken livers and raw milk. And no way am I cooking everything from scratch. And no no no I will not give up my delicious grains and pastas and things that are pastel for easter (even though they were made of rice at this point). And then I read more and more and then I became OBSESSED. Because I knew that I had definitely found the reason for dramababy’s farts and sads. I had the answer in my hands.
Here’s the idiot science theory behind the GAPS diet (me being the idiot). When you eat tons and tons of breads, cookies, cakes, pastas your whole life, the balance of digestive bacteria in your belly gets all crazy like and yeasty. Stuff grows wild and suddenly digestion becomes a shit storm (pun). Add in a few years of antibiotics which also throws off your natural enzymes and tummy bugs, and you can have problems. Food that doesn’t get digested makes it’s way from your stomach into your body and your body fights it off like it’s an intruder. And then an allergy is born. Or sometimes you just get diarrhea or constipation or thrush, or UTI’s, or butt nuts. Here’s a non idiot summary.
Now back to me. I’m a sugar addict. (cereal marshmallows and twizzlers please). I hate yogurt, pickles, sauerkraut, milk, eggs (foods that create good probiotics). In college I was on straight antibiotics for A FULL YEAR. Doctors are assholes. After I had baby G I was on antibiotics again and fed my sadness with gummy penguins. G quickly developed thrush (overgrowth of yeast) and reflux. Through nursing, I was passing on this bacteria imbalance in his brand new tummy and is already developing intolerances to everything and allergies. And by the way, they just released a study that zantac for baby’s neutralizes too much stomach acid and upsets digestion in the long term. THANKS AGAIN DOCTORS.
So now what….
Now I become a mad woman. Last night G slept for 13 minutes total. Today we booked our asses to Whole Foods and started the preparation. I have to tell you that this diet is no joke. The only people who do it are like half dead from their stomach issues or have a baby that won’t shut up. Because you totally need that sort of motivation to get through this. There’s no way I can go into the detail of this diet for you here. Because you’ll 1) puke and 2) tell your friends what a maniac I am (if that hasn’t happened already). So if you are interested in something like this, look more into it. For now, feast your eyes on some of our GAPS happening in the house.
More to come about our own food revolution. Oh B is not on board. He said he would do it if he could have beer though. I told him to take his beer and his 8 hours of sleep and shove it.
Fingers crossed internet.