I'm funny

To summarize: careers where you can’t punch people are hard.

April 11, 2011

Stay at home mom-ing is the hardest job in the world. That’s what I learned when I was 13 from watching Oprah. She told me. You know the ga-billionaire business woman with no kids. But I believed her when she told me to buy that dumb book club book about dogs, so I believed her about this too. Now, to be fair, I have not tried every job in the world. So I can’t say if this is the hardest. I’ve had some asshole jobs though, let me tell you. In my 8 years in the work force I’ve managed to be a sales executive, recruiter, store manager, wedding planner and internet jack ass. Now this. And I’ll be honest, stay at home mom stuff is hard. But in a different way.

My first job out of college was managing a Bebe. You know that store for slutty 45 year old real housewives? Managers are supposed to be like customer centric and solve problems. I usually told people to shove their face into a wall. Like the one time a girl tried to return a shirt that she spilled beer all over and who know what other fluids. She told me she never wore it. I told her I was a blond. She looked at me funny and I said, “oh I thought we were playing the stupid lies game…no?” I wasn’t a manager very long. Managing was try-not-to-punch-people, hard.

The business stuff was hard, but not brain hard. The jobs I had from 9-5 in an actual office with men in ties telling each other that they ruled the world and water coolers and pretending to work when I was stalking online discount codes…those were cake. Like my cat could do them. The dumb one. But it was hard in a swallow your tongue because it’s “corporate” and  it’s not acceptable to tell that man that no, you do not rule the world, and stop staring at my boobs and I could probably do your job drunk. I’d call business jobs, girl hard. It’s just not easy being a girl who is awesome in an office.

ok so this is halloween, but it's the closest I could find to a "business look" whatever.

Being a wedding planner was also a different kind of hard. My super genius art friend and I “started a business” and by “started a business” I mean “got money from people for stuff”. We never did the real business stuff like whatever real businesses do to let tax people and government people know that they exist. We had amazing awesome ideas and took it seriously. We booked a lot of clients. But people didn’t want to pay us for ideas. That’s where things got dicey. Brides would be all, ok I like that idea, here’s 40 bucks to go get the stuff you need to make the crap. Oh wait, I have to pay you for your services too? No I’m not doing that.” So after someone wanted a magical light display with Ben Franklin and lightning and stars in the sky, it then became, “nah, I don’t want to pay for that. I’ll just have some flowers”. Wedding planning was ALSO try-not-to-punch-people hard. Theme.

And here I am now, working for the man.

the man.

He’s lazy. He doesn’t lift a finger. He screams at me at the top of his lungs when things don’t go his way. And there are days where I’m vacuuming in my pajamas with him strapped to my body (the cute analogy ends there) and I look around like, how did I get here? And there are plenty of days I walk in circles in my house wondering what to do with the next 15 minutes and then the next 15 minutes and then THE NEXT 15 MINUTES. And that’s hard. And it’s hard to not be able to go to the office next to mine and bitch about the fat man who coughs up phlegm in our meetings (ok that doesn’t happen anymore THANK GOD). And it’s hard to not have much adult interaction anymore and to never get to wear my pretty high heels and to NOT ONLINE SHOP ANYMORE.

So as usual, Oprah was right. But it’s not awesome girl hard and it’s not try not to punch people hard. It’s I look like shit and talk baby talk and stare at the wall and have poop on my face hard. And yes I love my baby and yes I love that he’s happy to be with me, but it doesn’t make it any easier to live a life of bodily fluid clean up and not have any dollar dollar bills of your own.

But today B gave me a 250 dollar AMEX gift card. And I rubbed it all over my face and danced around and said moneymoneymoney. MY OWN MONEY. Tell me what you think I should buy. I’m an asshole because I want this. WHAT’S HAPPENED TO ME?

SAHModg. At least I’ve run out of people to punch.

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  • Molly April 11, 2011 at 9:16 pm

    Looks like G is kind of flippin’ you off. Just sayin.

  • Daisy April 11, 2011 at 9:18 pm

    “I thought we were playing the stupid lies game…no?”




  • JenP April 11, 2011 at 9:22 pm

    Are you kidding…I want an iRobot now and I didn’t even know I wanted one. You can probably online shop with the imte you save from cleaning floors.

  • NYSocialWorker April 11, 2011 at 9:27 pm

    Thank you for setting feminism back 23ish years. I understand that you had no life-calling/motivation and thus decided to have a baby. And I congratulate you. It sounds like you are a wonderful mother (I’m serious). However, the whole working mother routine is becoming a bit old. I understand being a mother is insanely hard. But don’t marginalize those with legit jobs.

    • katie April 11, 2011 at 9:40 pm

      Dismount from the stick up your ass please. As a successful professional young woman I can only answer this lady’s message with three words: bitch be cool

    • Jenae April 11, 2011 at 10:15 pm

      Isn’t part of feminism being able to do whatever you want to do? Including being a stay-at-home mom? Nobody forced her into that position; it is one she chose. Maybe her life-calling was to be a mother? Don’t give a bad name to feminists. I understand that maybe you have no maternal instinct or want to be a mother. But don’t marginalize those who do.

      For the record, I am a professional young woman as well and have been working since legal to do so (before that if you want to count the odd jobs I was paid to do around the neighborhood). I saw the Roomba and, being in a marriage where housework is shared in a very unequal manner (as in HE does the majority), went “ohhh, I want that”. From pure laziness, as neither of us enjoys doing the floors. Should I be putting in my pin curls and slipping on some heels to cook dinner? Or should I enjoy that fact that I am a modern feminist and I am not inhibiting myself from enjoying household things, enjoying more spare time with the husband, and enjoying a more happy mate on the weekends because he doesn’t have to sweep and mop 1,600 sq. feet, then vacuum the other 1,300? Maybe you should enjoy the choices you have made, and not degrade others to make you feel better about yours.

      • demi April 12, 2011 at 8:40 am

        “I understand that maybe you have no maternal instinct or want to be a mother” I THINK YOU ARE VERY WRONG. moron.

        • Jenae April 12, 2011 at 10:24 am

          I was responding to the line ” I understand that you had no life-calling/motivation and thus decided to have a baby.” Sounds to me like someone who marginalizes mothers everywhere. Who exactly is the moron?

          • demi April 12, 2011 at 2:47 pm

            oopsie! sorry bout that! read it wrong. :)

    • abby April 11, 2011 at 10:40 pm

      Someone sounds bitter.

    • D April 11, 2011 at 10:53 pm

      I hope you DO understand how ” being a mother is insanely hard” because it sure sounds as you DON’T.

    • mindy9531 April 11, 2011 at 11:25 pm

      Dude, pretty bitchy. I mean, being a CEO of a company doesn’t even compare to having another human being COMPLETELY depend upon you for survival. Like Katie said, take the stick out (and get back to your “legit job”).

    • Mrs. Plank April 11, 2011 at 11:33 pm

      Okay, just followed the comments back. Honey, you obviously don’t have kids. As a person who has worked full time and stayed at home, staying at home is enormously more challenging. And isn’t it still up in the air in most communities whether being a Social Worker is a legit job??? How many kids have suffered through your system because they didn’t have a mother willing to sacrifice to stay with their kids???? Sorry, just had to go there. :)

      • kiera April 12, 2011 at 9:11 pm

        oh you went there. didn’t we all want to say SOMETHING!!!!!

      • MrsE April 13, 2011 at 6:08 pm

        Okay, really?? Learn to take up for moms without discounting the hard work social workers do. I honestly can’t believe you just questioned if social work is a legit job!? I’m a social worker and I bust my ass to ensure that children (who aren’t mine) are safe in my community. Social work (like motherhood) is a thankless job because of ignorant assholes like you. You can take a stand for mothers without attacking an entire profession.

    • demi April 12, 2011 at 8:28 am

      WTH?! I was going to say something to you…but looks like everyone else covered it…I mean-she can write whateverthehell she wants-someone sounds bitchy and bitter.

    • demi April 12, 2011 at 8:30 am

      and if it’s “becoming old” to you-then don’t read her blog. AND FOR THE RECORD-being a mother IS A LEGIT JOB. idiot.

    • demi April 12, 2011 at 8:38 am

      ” I understand that you had no life-calling/motivation and thus decided to have a baby.” OMG WTF?! YOU deserve a punch in the face. NYbitch.

    • MODG April 12, 2011 at 8:46 am

      I rarely respond to ignorance like this on the blog, but this I take offense to. I consider myself someone who is in fact a feminist and actually does stuff to advance that crap. Like have a blog where as a woman I talk about whatever the hell I want and encourage other women to not have to sensor their words, just because we’re women and can’t say poop. Yes poop is feminist related. And you know what my life calling is? This crap. Because I was just asked to write a book. Cat’s out of the bag. So cork it sister. It’s not cool to judge others. Like how I don’t judge you for being a closed minded bitch. I don’t.

      …good thing I didn’t mention my job at Hooter’s. That really would have set you off.
      Go girls!

      • lorah April 12, 2011 at 9:02 am

        Wow!!! That is awesome :) I will buy!!

      • demi April 12, 2011 at 9:22 am

        CONGRATS!!! You so deserve this, I will buy as well!!! woohoo!!!! :) :) :)

      • Jasmine Desilva April 12, 2011 at 9:23 am

        BAHAHAHAHHA Dying at your response MODG. Get’em Girl! Consider your book bought! Bitchie commenter..step off!

      • Maggie April 12, 2011 at 10:07 am

        Wow! Love all the women sticking up for another woman! You girls are all awesome!!!! And I agree that being a mom is the hardest job. My son is 9 months old, but I started working part-time as a lawyer when he was around 6 months old. The mom job is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy harder than my “legit” job.

      • LynzB April 12, 2011 at 11:41 am

        Congratulations modg! I’m so happy for you! Add me to the list of your first book buyers. What does B think? Have you started thinking about what you’ll write? Fill us in soon. Go modg!

      • Lluvia April 12, 2011 at 12:29 pm

        CONGRATULATIONS!!!! A BOOK!! WOW!!!! I will BUY IT!!!!

      • Jenny April 13, 2011 at 12:11 am

        happiest thing I heard all day modg!!!! (ok other than realizing that it was 5 and I could leave my “legit job” where peeps were having a rough time keeping their pants up…and NO I’m not in an industry where that is acceptable)

        you so completely rock…way to stick up for yourself on this one girl Proud of you!!

    • LynzB April 12, 2011 at 11:36 am

      @NYSocialWorker- You’re not just a bitch. You may be the most ignorant and insensitive bitch to ever have had the privilege of being in the interweb presence of the MODGblog. I think your privileges should be revoked. Modg wasn’t marginalizing any woman with a nine to fiver, which is evidenced by the many working women whom you’ve clearly offended (please see every post following your ignorant one). I agree with Mrs. Plank on this: your government dole job wouldn’t even be there for you if more mom’s like modg cared enough to sacrifice so much for their kids. The first 5 years at home with your kid IS the hardest job. And the most important one. It’s a good thing there’s some anonymity here in the interwebs. YOU deserve that punch in the face.

    • Kiera April 12, 2011 at 9:07 pm

      Holy Social Work, lady. Didn’t she say that staying at home is hard, as in, what am I going to do the next 15 minutes? You’re angry and out of your mind, and feminism really has nothing to do with job/no job. Look it up.

      legit does not equal paycheck. And no one is marginalizing you except, well, you. It’s clear: you’re unhappy. Maybe you feel marginalized. That’s fine, stay at home moms feel that too.

    • DR April 12, 2011 at 11:26 pm

      Ah, yes. Always nice to have the “feminist” checking in who reminds all of us that only select choices that count as the freedom we’ve won for ourselves. Thanks for the advice from the late 90s but please catch up to those of us here in the new millennium for whom “feminism” means we get to choose what is right for ourselves and our families.

      PS – that Members Only jacket makes you look like a dude. You’re welcome.

    • Ryan April 13, 2011 at 9:31 am

      If anyone set the feminism movement back, it’s you.

      I’m a Dad and I’d GLADLY stay home with my child if I could. Does that mean I’m not masculine? No. It means I love my son and I want to be responsible for how he’s raised, the morals instilled in him and I want to attend to his needs, like a responsible parent.

      But I live in the real world, where money is required, so that’s not possible. I don’t judge my friends who have chosen not to have children. They don’t judge me for having a child and being totally wrapped up in him. I think you could learn quite a bit from them.

  • Sarah vL April 11, 2011 at 9:32 pm

    Woah, NYSoc – she wasn’t marginalizing anyone. Nor did she set feminism back, at all. Way to be super sensitive and project your own insecurities and be an overall asshole… Have you read ANYTHING that MODG has written on this blog? How rude of you to say that she “had no life-calling so she decided to have a baby.” Fuck you.

    MODG- Don’t get the roomba/irobot vacuum! I’ve only heard TERRIBLE things about them (that they only go in one pattern/they vacuum over the same spots and don’t change directions, they miss a lot of spots, you have to empty them constantly… only bad reviews). Go get a massage! Or a pedicure! So when you’re walking around with the Big Man strapped to you, you can at least see your gorgeous toes and reminisce about your little pampering session. :)

  • Katie April 11, 2011 at 9:35 pm

    Do not!! I mean do not buy that roomba! I did my research, went to BB&B and bought one then promptly returned it the next day. It is awesome in theory but doesn’t live up to the hype. Spend your money on some OTHMODG (out the house modg) stuff. Seriously I’m just trying to save you time, because I know in your situation it’s precious!

  • MommaRa April 11, 2011 at 9:36 pm

    20 bucks says NY Social Worker doesn’t have kids. Get back to me on “legit job” when no one gives you a raise, tells your doing a good job, and then you get shit on, litterally. Don’t get me wrong. Best job ever because your boss fell out of your vagina but, dude back off. My job is tough. Way tougher than when I was working 40 hour weeks.

    • Andrea April 12, 2011 at 7:07 pm

      OMG…..best quote ever…..”best job ever because your boss fell out of your vagina!”
      HAHAHAHAA I seriously laughed out loud!!

  • Lori April 11, 2011 at 9:39 pm

    Down girls!!

  • katie April 11, 2011 at 9:44 pm

    yes! 7 comments in and there’s drama! hehe. do NOT buy that roomba. seriously go buy something for yourself. you could get a hotel room for the weekend sans baby 😉

    • Katie S April 13, 2011 at 12:22 am

      which might lead to more babies!!!! AHHHHHH :)

  • Lauren April 11, 2011 at 9:52 pm

    That is the coolest, most necessary, common sense invention of our lifetime. Get it. You will be changed and it will be awesome! I promise!

  • Corinne April 11, 2011 at 9:52 pm

    Don’t get the roomba! Take that money and go spend it on something frivolous for yourself…..pedicure….spa day….a hot dress….something waaaaaaaay more exciting than a vacuum that, honestly, doesn’t live up to the hype. My ex-boyfriend complained about it ALL the time but still gave it to me when I moved into my house because I couldn’t stop talking about how much I wanted one. You know what? I’ll stick with my normal one and a swiffer.

    Now I’m going to sit back and watch the drama unfold……..

  • Starfruit April 11, 2011 at 10:08 pm

    I LOVE YOUR BLOG………and now, finally, after much lurking……I MUST COMMENT……………ROOMBA=SHMOOMBA!
    GET YOURSELF SOME KARDASHIAN HEELS and get yourself up on that toilet again!!! Wow, just read that back, it sounds ALL KINDS of wrong, but you feel me right? Heels, pedi, mani, now you’re exhausted so … massage, sephora and clothes…..then Brittney’s CD!

  • Nicole April 11, 2011 at 10:19 pm

    I’m totally feeling you. I, like you, heard from Oprah from the time I was like 7 that “being a stay at home mom was the hardest job of all”. I secretly didn’t believe it. How hard could it be? I had an insanely easy newborn and I still thought that the stay at home mom thing was way easier than people let on. And then he became mobile. Now, I have a whole new perspective on being a stay at home mom. Seriously, some days I’d love to get back to work and just leave the busy little bugger with the babysitter. I’m telling you, enjoy your days with your lazy baby who doesn’t pull on lamp cords or curtains. And some money saving/stretching tips – extreme couponing!! Try it – I don’t do it to get like 90 bottles of mustard – I just get the essentials I need – all for free. At least I can use my couponing as an excuse to spend more of my husband’s money on other stuff – like a robot vacuum.

  • Prettylittlereckless April 11, 2011 at 10:21 pm

    I took care of my 2mo old cousin for a week by myself when I was 14… and holy hell- reality slap to the face that motherhood is hard. 9-5’s ARE easy. Hell, any job is easy after awhile. Well, almost any job I’m sure.

    Do NOT blow all your money in one spot. I would totally buy a few things with that. Hello, J Crew, meet Amex. :)

  • Natalie April 11, 2011 at 10:25 pm

    Do not buy the roomba. It is terrible. Unless you want your floors only a little bit clean. If you run a roomba, and then vacuum with a manual vacuum after, you will literally fill the canister, with all the junk the roomba misses.

  • mrs mama April 11, 2011 at 10:50 pm

    hahahaha. irobot. sweet.

  • Sarah@grownupnow April 11, 2011 at 10:59 pm

    I totally need one of the vacuum cleaners. I hate hate HATE vacuuming.

  • Danielle April 11, 2011 at 11:05 pm

    NYSOC.: Unless you can speak from experience and have children, shut your piehole.

    After I had my daughter I took 3 months maternity leave. It was the hardest 3 months ever, but also the most rewarding. I did go back to my professional career. One that I had worked for with my college degree and internships and gettting my foot in the door. Let me tell you, working in the “real world” is waaaay easier than staying home with my kid. And my kid is an angel, such an easy baby. But you know what? I want to stay home with her. I want to cook and clean my house. I want to do that. I want to because that is what fulfills me and I consider rewarding. Just like I view my career. Same thing. Not because it is “my place” or to make my husbands life easier, or because society dictates it. I would choose to. However, because we need both incomes, I have to go to work, and I do it. And the guilt, don’t even get me started on the guilt. It’s not about the feminist movement, it is about being a parent, a working parent.

    Modg: go get yourself something pretty. Then use the rest to have a cleaning service come in once or twice and give yourself a break. My mom paid for a cleaning lady 2x while I was on maternity leave, and that shit was amazeballs. the house was magically clean, and I got to just take a minute.

  • meghanclevenstine April 11, 2011 at 11:07 pm

    NY bitch is more like it, and I’m definitely allowed to say that because (a) I’m from NY, and (b) I’m a full-time law student, work part-time, and have an 11 week old daughter, so you certainly can’t call me old-fashioned. I love you and your blog, Amanda, and I think you’re living proof that women can do whatever they want and be fabulous. Oh, and my ideas for your dollar dollar bills are as follows:

    (1) Subscription to US Weekly or InTouch to reignite your passion for Suri/Shiloh/Celebabies
    (2) Three letters- MAC, because every new mom needs a little sparkly eyeshadow in her life
    (3) Massage, because I KNOW baby G must be getting heavy- my little girl is only 12 lbs and my arms already get sore!

    Sending you happy thoughts, shooting stars, sparkles, and unicorns!

    • KATIE April 11, 2011 at 11:20 pm

      This chick is on her shit. 1,2,& 3 yes please

    • LynzB April 12, 2011 at 11:48 am

      Yes, yes, and yes. And also yes to the getting a cleaning lady at least once, because you deserve a break.

  • carrie April 11, 2011 at 11:07 pm

    Sidestepping the drama… dude what’d you do with Amanda?? Hello you know that $$ would best be spent at Sephora! VIB promo’s coming up and everything. Unless you won’t actually use the makeup… in which case definitely go with a spa day, maybe a little facial & massage action? Either way enjoy :)

  • Wendy April 11, 2011 at 11:20 pm

    OMG! I HAVE the irobot! 2 actually–the sweeper and the mopper! Get it, for god’s sake! It’s awesome…well, in a suburban kind of way.
    My kids are 5 and 7 and I’m still covered in poop. After a while, it just seems normal.

  • Mrs. Plank April 11, 2011 at 11:24 pm

    Ha! I also thought about doing the wedding planning with the bff. I have had many of those moments. I’m currently pursuing some more crazy shit. But the SAHM gig is insane. I love it and hate it all at once. And everything you say is so true. My sis is real good at being super busy at nothing. And her kids are like yeah, thats great, be busy mom, we’ll be little angels. And meanwhile I try and be a good mom and take the Boops and the Pug to the park and she pisses all over the play equipment (Boops not the pug). WTF! I’m just holding on until Kindergarten. Although, Boops is 2 and we just started dance. I love it more than she does. There are 3 other moms doing the same thing and we are all in love. Maybe G will take art and you can find a mom or two there. I know you get it all the time, but it seriously will be a year later and you’ll be like what the hell happened! Its just slow right now. When he gets moving and is into everything you’ll be busy and you’ll wish you could go back to “the good old days” when he just sat there.

  • Heather April 11, 2011 at 11:53 pm

    Being a SAHM is the hardest job EVER! I had a big corporate girl job and it was cake compared to being kicked around by a one year old. DON”T buy the roomba, it sucks. I wanted to hurl it through the window.

  • Morgan | Mrs. Priss April 12, 2011 at 12:04 am

    I just became a stay at home mom to my 2 year old and newborn…this is EXACTLY how I feel. Sometimes I wear my heels around the apartment because I like to pretend I’m pretty and not wearing sweats and a scrunchie.

  • Heather@MamaSass April 12, 2011 at 12:48 am

    I’m pretty much laughing my ass off because NY SocialWorker CAN. NOT. BE. FOR. REAL.
    Personally, I think being judgmental and self righteous about another woman’s choices is far more detrimental to feminism.
    On to more important subjects…spoil yourself. Pretty underwear, Sephora, massage. Something unnecessary and decadent. Do it!

  • Andrea April 12, 2011 at 12:59 am

    NYsocialworker~ WTF. I’m inclined to agree with what most everyone else has said in response to your comment. Are you speaking from experience because if you’re not then it’s best to do like Thumper and if you can’t say something nice then don’t say anything at all! I’m a nurse and work 12 hour night shifts. I’m also the mother of a 1 year old boy. I love him more than anything but let me tell you that as hard as I think work can be sometimes, it is way harder staying at home with him. I agree with MODG, it is a different kind of hard than the 9-5 kind of hard, but it is hard!!!

    MODG- I have no comment on the Rhoomba, but I think you should pamper yourself! Massage, mani, pedi, new shoes, whatever! Don’t buy some house hold appliance! Also, you are doing a wonderful job being a full time mommy! Don’t let any haters bring you down!

  • Nicole J April 12, 2011 at 7:23 am

    I love that your readers comments are as entertaining as your posts! I agree with Katie on NYSocialWorker, bitch. be. cool.

  • Stacy April 12, 2011 at 8:16 am

    F that NYSoc comment. I too quit to be a SAHM. No I did not enjoy my job and it was not my calling, but I sure like the benjamines it paid me to buy pretty things and add to my savings account. I think it’s rare people actually work in a job/career that they are “called” to and enjoy. Most of us work to pay those damn bills. I got yelled at by idiots all day. Why would I choose that over raising my child? No thanks.

    Don’t buy the Roomba–buy yourself some pretty things! I would hate for the Roomba to break and you wasted your glorious gift card on it. Sephora or some new clothes would be up my ally. Hair cut and massage sounds great too.

    Except I just spent the $250 my husband gave me on a 12 pack of FuzziBunz and a sprayer for the toilet. You got me MODG- save the penguins. Hope that gives you sparkles and rainbows today. You inspired me.

    • stacy April 12, 2011 at 8:27 am

      website correction. Clearly I have not had enough coffee today.

  • Julie April 12, 2011 at 8:34 am

    My parents have the Roomba and the Scooba and love them both, so if that’s what you want, go for it, you won’t regret it!

    But some other suggestions could be to like take a class or something… maybe photography at the community college or some other hobby you’ve been interested in but haven’t jumped in yet for whatever reason. (oftentimes they’ll have night classes, so B could be home to watch G while you’re off sharpening your noggin and interacting with adults)

  • demi April 12, 2011 at 8:34 am

    oooh do you know it’s spa week in most parts???! like 40% off of all spa related stuff! AND-go to sephora. nuff said.

  • MissCaron April 12, 2011 at 8:45 am

    I wonder if people today have forgotten the “if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all” mantra that our MOTHERS taught us. Yes, mothers probably have the hardest job in the world because it doesn’t end. EVER. Middle of the night. If you’re sick. Whatever. Doesn’t matter. The kids matter.
    I think it’s wonderful that you are able to stay with Gavin. I wish that more families were able to have a parent at home with the children. I know it’s hard… but I know that you know it’s worth it! :-) Keep on keepin on girlie!

  • MissCaron April 12, 2011 at 8:45 am

    Also, use the AMEX for a spa day!

  • Sarah April 12, 2011 at 9:02 am

    I thought I was the only one who figured a drunk monkey could do my corporate gig. Shit — just means I am not as smart as I thought I was. Thanks a lot.

  • Evie April 12, 2011 at 9:06 am

    Great post MODG. As a mom of two little ones, I think the most important things when money is tight to splurge on are things that either make your life easier (like help around the house etc) or things that make you feel pampered and pretty! With that being said, I love Nordstrom’s Style day- usually in May, wherein they host a runway show, give away thousands of dollars worth of freebies and samples and do free makeovers. You can then, if you choose, purchase whatever cosmetics make you smile. In terms of fabulous massages at a fabulous price, Massage Envy has the market cornered on pricing- especially if it is your first time with them. Typically anywhere from 40 to 50 dollars for an hour for your first visit! A good pedicure is also a must!

    A note to NYSocial Worker- anyone who suggest that motherhood is not a legitimate job, is either high or has never had any children. I am guessing that you fall into the latter category. Don’t get me wrong- I do not judge you for being (probably) just out of college with a job hungry for professional success. I have been there, done that already. When you are talking to SAHMs, you should remember that many of us not only have undergraduate degrees but are also graduate educated professionals who worked 70 hour work weeks making bank managing large teams of other professionals. We had and have a life-calling as well as motivation. You will find as you get older and mature, that there is more than one way to live life with drive, determination and impact. When I worked in corporate America, I took names and kicked ass. (I have a load of performance reviews, experience with prestigious companies and awards that say so) Yet, my current position as wife, mom, and chief of household operations is wonderful, exhausting and just as challenging as any other professional position.

    • LynzB April 12, 2011 at 11:58 am

      Well said, Evie. 

  • Cheryl S. April 12, 2011 at 9:10 am

    First, that woman is an asshole. Feminism is about having CHOICES. We all get to make different ones for different reasons. I’m a mom who works full time (I have no choice, in a perfect world, I would choose to work part time). You know what? I tell everyone that I come to work to REST. Being with a child all day is insanely hard work.

    Second, DO NOT buy a roomba. They break within a year. I’ve had one, my mom, my friends. Every single one was dead and gone within a year. Take that money and do some stuff for yourself. Get a mani/pedi. Buy a new dress. Go online shopping!

  • Kelly April 12, 2011 at 9:27 am

    I love that you let the cat out of the bag. I want to buy your book!

  • Cathy April 12, 2011 at 9:47 am

    What. the. shit?

    I was all prepared to leave a comment along the lines of “maybe you could get some sort of writing gig” and then I got sidetracked by the crazy NY lady AND THEN I read that you are going to write a book and now my head is exploding.

    I don’t have kids, but I am well aware of motherhood being the hardest job out there. HELLO why do you think I don’t have kids?!! I can’t do that shit. I would be curled up in the fetal position in a corner in about 2 seconds.

  • Judith April 12, 2011 at 9:49 am

    LMAO! I love your blog – you make me laugh~! Out. Loud. At work!
    Get the Rumba – it really works – we have friends who have one…but be aware it doesn’t take the place of vaccuming it just extends the amount of time between them.

    Congrats on the book deal – I can’t wait to read it.

  • Rania April 12, 2011 at 10:47 am

    I love it when Moms are real and don’t make being a Mom all sugary and cupcakey – because it’s NOT. There are highs and lows, joys and sadness, the feeling of being used and unappreciated and the feeling of missing what we had back in the old days when we were single. It’s normal.

    I thought this post said everything I, as a mom of 4 who was working a FT job (now I work from home), has thought. I think every job is stressful, just in different ways (as you eloquently and humorously described). For me, however, working FT 50 hours a week and STILL having to come home to kids and house and being a single parent was the hardest job. Juggling work schedules, kid schedules, office politics, family needs, PERSONAL needs…all without that extra support of a significant other….Now that I’ve remarried, I look back on that time and I’m like THAT was some serious STRESS. I wouldn’t want to go back to that for anything in the world! hahah

    All the BS talk? Shrug that crap off. Not worth mentioning.

    As for the moneymoneymoney – I agree that you should do something for yourself because as a stay at home, you’re usually the after thought, thinking of everyone BUT yourself. Get a new outfit or get your heeerrra did (your do’, your mane, your tresses…your hair) and then treat yourself to massage. You deserve it.

  • Rachel April 12, 2011 at 11:07 am

    I stay at home with my infant son and know exactly what you mean. I love love love being with my son but spending all of my time doing stuff around the house with no paycheck attached is challenging, to say the least. Congrats on your book! A few posts ago baby G had an amber teething anklet on. I’ve read about the necklaces and really wanted to try them. My son has his 3rd tooth coming through now and I was wondering what you thought about the anklet? Thanks and congrats again….

  • Amy April 12, 2011 at 11:25 am

    I was a ‘stay at home mom’ for 7 years, till both of my kids were in school full time. Now~I did have good jobs prior to having children but I made the decision to stay at home with them. Though it was one of the best decisions I ever made, It was hard!! I totally get what you are saying. Maybe now that it will be getting nice out you will find a group of moms that take the kids to the park, or a lunch group or something. It is soooooo needed~the adult conversation! You can only talk back to the television so much before you want to punch it too! Once my kids were in school full time I went to college to be a registered nurse. To this day, I can honestly say that even though I may on occasion help to save a life or 2, that being a stay at home mom is harder~~mentally harder. Once the little man is up walking and will go fetch the remote or a ball for you it will get better. But~then they turn into teenagers…………and that’s a whole~nother story!! Good luck and keep your head in the game!!! Love your honesty!

  • Cyn April 12, 2011 at 11:53 am

    Uhhhh… I think the “what to spend this on” question would be so easy… A HOTEL ROOM!!!!!! No… not for you and B. Just for you. B can take Baby G for the night.

    Based on the blog prior to this, methinks you need some sleep. And at this point of parenthood, a totally uninterrupted night’s sleep is freaking priceless. I started a new job 6 weeks after baby was born (we needed the $, otherwise I might be a SAHM too), and I had to spend a few nights travelling for training. There was a small part of me that was sad and missed my baby, but there was a large part of me that went “YIPEEEEE!!! A full night’s sleep!!!!!!”

    And then I woke up the next morning and pumped at least 20 oz of milk from my boobs. True story.

    But that full night’s sleep was totally worth the painful my-boobs-are-gonna-explode sensation. I know a hotel room is probably not on the top of your list of things to get, but just something to consider. Plus, you can totally find a room for like $70 and then you’ll have $180 to spend on other stuff… like a day at the spa :)

    And congrats on the book! Super duper excited to hear more!

  • Danielle N April 12, 2011 at 11:57 am

    Wow… I was going to write that I’m currently sitting in my cube at my boring corporate job (& wanting to die.. jk, I think) but I almost forgot about that by the time I got to the bottom of the comments. Holy crap, a book deal!! That’s great news! Congrats!!

  • Shannon April 12, 2011 at 12:22 pm

    read the post and went to the comments briefly just to ascertain what I knew would be inevitable: “mompetition”. SAHM vs Work -outside-the-home moms battle # 80gabillion. I’m so bored with this battle. Seriously, can’t we all just get along when it comes to what people want or can do with their professional life post-baby? Reading another mommy-war is really cliche. Kudos on the book offer Modg.

  • Lluviam April 12, 2011 at 12:36 pm

    Yes!! Being a stay at home mother is the hardest job I’ve ever had!

    Think about it, you do accountant because you have to budget groceries, gas money, baby stuff, and your girly things all on one income. You also do medicine…you have to be your baby’s doctor all the time–taking their temperature, giving them medicine when they’re sick…you also have to be a chef, because you have to prepare meals for you and your spouse and then one separate for your kid when they can’t eat anything. You are also a housekeeper, because well, cleaning the house is what you do a lot of. Not mention, all the errands you have to run. And just when you think that you are done, and you’re about to take a break, your hubs, who is already in bed, gives you the *wink* *wink.*

    I’m pretty good in Excel and PowerPoint, so I do a lot of stuff for the hubs for his job. It keeps me busy and he pays me. :-)

  • autumn April 12, 2011 at 12:51 pm

    I went back to work for a few months after I had my daughter and everything sucked! Lets just say my husband and I are easily overwhelmed. I’m fortunate to have been able to stay at home with her and when she turned 2 last summer I got a part time job. It’s like getting paid to hang out with other people! Seriously in the 10 years I have been out of college I have had so many different types of jobs including the store management position where you had to motivate people to sell bras and panties (guess the store) which I hated! Boring office jobs where I was bored out of mind but got great benefits and could surf the internet all day to avoid annoying co workers. Even one at a nursing home that was supposed to be a administrative position except when they needed me to help serve food? But staying home with my daughter was at first mentally exhausting then became mentally and physically exhausting as she became more mobile. It does get better and I think working 15 hours a week while she goes to a mothers morning out program has REALLY helped, we both get to see friends! So hang in there and take that $$ and go buy some fun spring clothes and makeup!
    Wouldn’t waste anymore time feeding that troll social worker and can’t wait for your book!!!!

  • Harper | Quest for Clean April 12, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    I think there’s nothing more stay-at-home-mom-worthy than a vacuum that vacuums itself. No brainer. :)

  • Anna April 12, 2011 at 1:06 pm

    Congratulations!! I’m going to buy that book even if I have to pay stupid shipping costs to get it over here!!

    Not even going to comment on the feminism bullshit. You can’t warn someone. Motherhood’s like a club, once you’re in you’ll probably have an ‘oh shit. this is what they meant’ moment. While we’re on that point I’d like to apologise to all mothers who I {pre motherhood} looked at in a ‘you’re in a restaurant lady, just make that baby ssssh’ way. I didn’t knowwwwww!!

    Some days, I put my sparkle shoes on and just hoover in them. I never get to wear them otherwise. I don’t care if that makes me a loser.

    buy something for you. Maybe some more Britney art?!

    i love you MODG.

  • Becky Mochaface April 12, 2011 at 1:18 pm

    I won’t one of those if only to get under dressers and beds so they don’t become super disgusting with dust.

  • Rebecca April 12, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    OOOhhh, congrats on the book!

    Also, if you get the robot vacuum, please let us know if it works well! I live in a studio apartment, and I still want one, haha.


  • Jenny B April 12, 2011 at 2:24 pm

    I actually am writing because I just saw your baby video and i’ve been a sloppy crying mess here ( I don’t even know that baby!). The second that song started playing tears started pouring down my face. What made the video so wonderful (although all baby videos are adorable) is 1/ that song will get you any time 2/ seeing all the people of all generations in baby’s life who love him so much and 3/ seeing how happy and loving you guys are with him. As Andy Cohen would say – “Mazel”.

  • Ashleigh April 12, 2011 at 2:27 pm

    Congratulations on the book! I can’t wait!!!

  • Jessica April 12, 2011 at 4:12 pm

    Dude, get the roomba. That shit is LEGIT.

  • Renee April 12, 2011 at 5:13 pm

    a) I am beyond excited for your potential book! The 1st time I was introduced to your blog (a few months ago) I was so instantly addicted to your brutal honesty and humor that I went back to the archives to read what I had missed. I remember thinking, she should totally have a book with all this sh*t in it. This is good stuff. I read this book once called, “Diary of Mad Mom-To-Be”, hilarious (but not nearly as good as your writing, TRUTH). Anyway, it was what I thought of because it was written like journal entries about all the craziness this woman discovers while pregnant for the 1st time.

    b) I vote for a super good massage by someone highly recommended or maybe a spa day. Ohh but I also really like the hotel room idea since it equals sleep :) Or the magazine subscription.

    c) I know you already know this, but I just wanted to reiterate that you DO HAVE A CALLING, to be the best mom that you can be.

  • Lyssa April 12, 2011 at 5:20 pm

    I knew I was really out of college and growing up when online shopping became browsing Bed Bath and Beyond online at my boring desk job. It really sank in when I found myself asking for the Roomba for Christmas. My mother and her 5 siblings each got them for Christmas one year and every single one of theirs was broken by Labor day. I’d hate for your happy dance to be in vain. I also don’t think B would make you spend such a nice gift on something domestic. Maybe a massage or mini spa day is more the way to go? Congrats on the book! Can’t wait to read it. You shouldn’t ever have to apologize for writing about mom stuff, the content may have changed but the spirit and humor are still there. You don’t have to have kids to relate. Everyone has sat next to a baby like G man on a plane or in a restaurant. People can empathize and appreciate your using humor to deal with it. Good luck MODG

  • tara April 12, 2011 at 5:24 pm

    i used to have a nine to fiver and now i have two kids and stay at home. I. FEEL. YOUR. PAIN. if my husband gave me $250 i’d go on a shopping spree. (somehow i would squeeze it into a naptime, or go late at night when they’re in bed. i know G won’t let you go ANYWHERE, but my kids are 2 & 4… and i spank them if they get out of bed, what?) anytime i buy myself something new i instantly feel better. especially when i buy pretty shoes. ok, they’re flats, whatever… i save my heels for church.

  • audrey April 12, 2011 at 5:43 pm

    I had a roomba a million years ago, so maybe they ve changed but the one we had was soooooo sloooooowwww and LOUD.
    It seemed like it was designed for someone who can turn it on in the morning and be gone all day, come home in the evening and have their floors clean-ish.
    Also, couldn’t stand up to the hair associated with having 3 cats…
    Get something frivolous! You deserve it.

  • Nikki April 12, 2011 at 7:00 pm

    Finally going to comment, yay!

    I really think you should get something for yourself. The mani/pedi idea is pretty nice.

    And really feminism is just about having the choice to do whatever you want in your life – without being told to do it. It’s kind of amazing how people just automatically assume you’re from the ’50s if you decide to be a stay at home mom. People just seem to expect that women will go back to work. But really, I think that we could learn from those old times and also from the Japanese. Their moms stay at home, work part time jobs to help with finances, and raise their children. And hey, our grandparents and etc did the same thing – raised their kids. I think a lot of kids (but not all) did lack some of the parental interaction they needed, and ended up trying to find it elsewhere.

    But seriously, being a mom is some pretty hard stuff. While I don’t have kids, I have babysat nieces and nephews, and I work part time at a job where I have to deal with other people’s kids for at least an hour at a time – all the time. Working with kids is really hard, and doing it all the time would be insanely difficult. Which is why I’m going to hold off on having kids until my guy and I are totally ready to have someone that dependent on us.

    Anyways. I really like reading your blog 😀 and your baby is cute >3< I would totally buy any book you write because you're funny and I like it.

  • Karena April 12, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    Well there’s not a whole lot for me to add that everyone else hasn’t said. But thank you all for educating me on the Roomba, I’ve always wanted one, now maybe not so much! And yeah, I stayed home with my son for 6 weeks, because that’s all I was PAID to do and it was the toughest 6 weeks of my LIFE! My sons dad stayed home for 2 weeks and after that was praising SAHM’s EVERYWHERE and didn’t know how his mom did it. Yes, I go to work for a vacation. Because being a SAHM NEVER stops, and people just don’t appreciate how very very hard it is. And oh so rewarding. Eventually. But at first it’s just babies screaming at you and being demanding. Then as teenagers it’s basically the same thing. Yeah, SAHM’s need to get paid a BUTTLOAD more than the corporate monkey’s (which is a category I fall into, sigh).

  • Meghan April 12, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    I have nothing lef to add to this except to say:

    1) I’m suspicious of anything that says it will vacuum for you (because I hate vacuuming and am convinced we are stuck with it and no nice alternative, EVER) – so maybe skip the Roomba…

    2) YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!! Did I mention YAY???!!! That you are writing a book. I am a seriously devoted MODG reader, and I would buy your book in a SECOND.

    3) neener, neener SocialWorkerinNY: YOUR ASS GOT TOLD. Shut your jaded mouth about shit you don’t understand. I am seven and a half months pregnant with my first, and I already stay up crying at night at the thought that I have to leave my precious will-eventually-be-2-month-old daughter to return to work after my (UNPAID) maternity leave is over because we need the second income. I know raising her will be the hardest thing I will ever do, but I would stay home full-time in a red hot second to watch my baby girl grow, and I was raised by one of the most staunch, wonderful feminists you will ever meet (shout out Mom, I LOVE YOU for standing up for my right to Choice!!!) So yeah. Just go away. And if you decide to comment again, do yourself a favor and use a different tag because, as I’m sure you’ve figured out, you ain’t so welcome here no more!!


  • Anna April 12, 2011 at 7:59 pm

    Wow quite the conversation. I teach 5th and 6th grade (year 9 as a teacher) and I am in my last week before having my baby in a month, (modified bedrest). I am having a horrible time leaving my job because I realize how much I really enjoy it. i can also say that there is nothing I can do as a teacher that will have the amount of influence a parent has. Parenting is a verb and takes a lot of time and effort. I teach kids from working parents, stay at home parents and in between and all can be good or bad parents. The most well adjusted kids are often first, born that way, and parented by people who make sure their kids know; they love them, care about them, are willing to make tough choices and do not have to have their kids like them every second. There is no manual and no perfect parent because all kids are different.

    I am going back in September but I think its important to realize how personal this choice is. Lots of people have no problem telling me what I SHOULD do (some I know very little) and I am shocked how they would be so presumptuous about MY choices. I love reading your blog because you keep it real and do your own thing. I have loved reading about your journey and cannot wait to read more.

  • Teisha April 12, 2011 at 8:39 pm

    1) I’ve had too many glasses of wine and one white russian so please forgive any mouth diarrhea
    2) I have kids so I deserve lots of alcohol
    3) Point – I have written several times on how my greatest wish would be for all mother’s to unite and share a martini rather than bash eachother’s beliefs and ways of doing things.
    4) I tell all of my SAHM friends they have an equally hard/harder job than I do going into an office all week.
    5) My glass is empty. Sads.

  • Courtney April 12, 2011 at 9:29 pm

    OMG! OMG! OMG! An MODG book! Yay! I’m so excited!

  • nina April 12, 2011 at 10:08 pm

    “It’s just not easy being a girl who is awesome in an office.”—Love it!

    Can’t wait for the book, too! Any idea when it’ll be out?

  • rei April 12, 2011 at 10:27 pm

    I will buy your book.
    I will smile when NYSocialWorker grows up someday, becomes a mom and is forced to eat her words while covered in poop.

  • Misty April 13, 2011 at 8:57 am

    So wait, hasn’t anyone wondered if NYsocialworker was really a man dressed in women’s clothing?

    I’ll so buy your book. :-)

    (And I am LOVING the “boss dropping out of your vagina” comment. That is epic.)

  • jules April 13, 2011 at 9:24 am

    I just read today’s post and could not figure out what the drama could be about from this one. Yikes! Anyway, you are doing a great job! And I’m SOOOO excited that we’ll get to read your book in the future! So many congrats!!!

  • Ryan April 13, 2011 at 9:35 am

    Two things:
    1) Stupid people who are all judgey and smug should keep their traps shut.
    2) Skip the iRobot, buy some Eff Me Pumps, get back up on that toilet and make these bitches eat it.

    • Ryan April 13, 2011 at 9:36 am

      (and by “these bitches” I mean those being all nasty and judgemental…no disrespect to all my sane ladies out there.)

  • Devin April 13, 2011 at 10:30 am

    I just found this blog yesterday and I have to admit – I think Im in love with you. I spent my afternoon at WORK, yes my real life job as opposed to my fake job of being a mother when I get home from said job reading every blog I could get in…There is nothing worse then women who *think* being a stay at home Mom is not an actual JOB, it is in fact the hardest job out there. I stayed home with my son only for 4 months and although I wish I could have done it longer, financially my husband and I couldnt make it work. Now, there are days I cant get him to daycare fast enough because he is driving me up the wall from the 2 hours we have together in the morning – some days are better then others – but I know Im a better mother to him because I work and have actual interaction with other human beings of the non-toddler population. Hats off to you for being an amazing mother, and a downright honest woman! You rock!

  • Janet April 14, 2011 at 2:58 pm

    MODG, like everyone else here, I will a) be buying your book as soon as it’s published, and b) BOO to that NYSocialWorker lady! Working moms have it tough. Stay-at-home moms have it tough. Neither is easy, and no one should be marginalized or penalized for choosing one or the other, or for choosing to NOT have kids. End of story. I totally support you and your honest diatribes about motherhood.

    Britney Sparkle Hearts & Rainbows Forever,

  • Ashley April 14, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    Can I just weigh in here? Why does one job have to be HARDER than the next. Why does being a SAHM have to be HARDER than being a working mom? Can’t we just…agree that everything presents its own challenges? I know that I’ll be back at work within 6 weeks of giving birth when it happens. Why? Because there is no other financial choice. I am the breadwinner in my household, and we have a number of expenses (student loans) that relate to my having attained that breadwinner status. THus, back to work I will go – no matter how I feel about it. My job is physically, intellectually, and emotionally demanding – but I love it. Sounds kind of like a baby, right?

    Man, we need to, like, hold hands and sing Kumbaya. This is all a bit mean-spirited for me.

  • Kristy April 15, 2011 at 1:05 pm

    And for this…I will ‘officially’ follow you now instead of clicking on your link from All Things G&D every day. Rock on sista!