I finally figured it out. I’m telling you first because this is CNN worthy. My baby is a Benjamin Button baby. Like he’s really a 2 year old right now. I mean it all makes sense. My belly popped when I was like 4 hours pregnant, G showed up way early when all signs pointed to him arriving late, he’s 15lbs and wearing 6 month clothes at 3 months old, he has the attitude of a 16 year old and now NOW he’s teething.
For those of you like me, with 0 smarts about babies, the internet told me that they usually teeth around 6 months. Babies are made that way so that parents get a break from the 3 month terror that is babies just trying to adjust to the world. And to G’s credit, I also threw a bunch of fits trying to adjust to the world after college, which is similar to the womb. So I get it.
Back to the Benjamin Button baby thing. I am taking pictures of the baby every month. You can see his abnormal rate of growth:
I drew a picture for you, to scale of G compared to normal sized babies so you could really understand what I’m saying. I mean, he’s clearly a 2 year old, I don’t know who he thinks he’s kidding. And now this teething business is blowing his cover. What’s next? Breaking into my skull vodka to have parties with other babies? Stealing the car to go makeout with your baby girlfriend?
So yeah. We’re running on empty here. With his gas and my turkeyricekillmenow diet, the thrush, hating cribs, pacifiers and bottles, and now teething, I am thanking the good people of Zoloft daily for their wonderful product.
I’m hoping in a few weeks G can strap me in the Moby and carry me around the house. I’m tired. thanks.