I'm funny

Things I never thought I’d say: “You paint your nipples with this purple dye…”

March 3, 2011

Thrush: sounds like the name of a hot 80’s band. It’s not. Not at all.

Yeast infections are disgusting. It’s mostly gross because it’s like a living organism feeding off of you. Seriously it is. Most of the time you think about yeasties in your bottom parts. Who knew that babies get yeasties in their mouths and you get it in your boobs. SICK. After a week of regular human medicines that you get from a doctor not working, we’re onto hippie meds. Zdub and our lactation consultant recommended Gentian Violet or as I call it, the mother god maker of all stains.

Here’s what’s up. You paint your nipples with this purple dye. Literally it’s like a tub of ink. Then you feed the baby. Feel free to create a mental picture, I don’t mind. Then he becomes a purple monster for days on end and when you take him in public people give you side eye and look up the number for child services. And also your husband worries about things like staining the couch more than your shooting laser boob pain (I’M TALKING TO YOU B). But as usual, the hippies know what’s up because this stuff works.

Please provide a caption for this photo in the comments. Winner gets nothing.

Say hello to my purple friend.

And today I am thankful that breast milk is in fact, white.

PS I’m looking for a new pediatrician. Requirements

1) Near king of prussia, pa and surrounding areas

2) Ok with an alternate vaccine schedule

3) Is not an asshole

4) Doesn’t make me cry (warning, this is easy to do these days)

We thank you.

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  • Kristin March 3, 2011 at 1:40 pm

    Oh dude…you poor thing. Thrush blows. Been there!

  • M March 3, 2011 at 1:40 pm

    Absolutely love Pediatric Associates of Paoli. Do Foreman (I just call him Dr. because I am quite convinced I am going to slip and call him “Dr. Foreskin”) and Dr. Kinzle (super hot for a guy in his 40’s. Like, put on mascara even though your kid has an ear infection sort of hot). They were cool with all of my needs re: weird hippy shit and I trust them with my babies. Love them.

  • wonderchris March 3, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    It looks like you have delicious blueberry pie boobs, and baby G LOVES them!! :)
    Zdub ROCKS!

  • Kinsey March 3, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    That picture is hilarious. Never expected it to be that purple. Funny shit.

  • Nicole J March 3, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    I didn’t know you lived near KOP, I’m in Collegeville. Are you not happy with your pediatrician? I’m going to have to start looking for one because I’m due in July. Since I’m not from the area I don’t know anyone with kids, so I have no one to ask about for refrences. Baby G kinda looks like the Joker from the Dark Knight in this picture lol.

    • MODG March 3, 2011 at 1:54 pm

      Yes Nicole we are going now to Wayne Pediatrics and are not happy. B says I picked a fight with them. I told him he doesn’t know what picking a fight looks like but he will soon.

      I’m going to try the Paoli one that M lists above.

      • Nicole J March 3, 2011 at 2:04 pm

        Well keep us up to date with the new pediatrician and good luck!

  • Lindsay March 3, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    Possible Captions:
    1. I might not have teeth, but that Barney fucker went DOWN.
    2. Those freakin’ m&m’s are supposed to melt IN your mouth.
    or alternatively
    3. Purple People Eaters…They’re real and coming for a boob near you.

    • C March 3, 2011 at 4:26 pm

      You just made my day with these, particularly 1 & 3 :)

    • LynzB March 3, 2011 at 9:08 pm

      Bahaha! I vote for #1, definitely. I hate Barney.

      • Ashleigh March 3, 2011 at 11:46 pm

        #1 for sure!

    • rei March 4, 2011 at 9:51 am

      omg, #1 made my day!

      High five for the hippies and their hippie medicine, yeah! They may smell like patchouli, but they know how to fix boobies :)

  • kristin March 3, 2011 at 2:03 pm

    having the right pediatrician will rock your world. i had a bad one for a while (err 10 months-ish) and threw in the towel when he said that he thought my kid had brain issues. somehow i managed to ignore the fact that he didn’t believe that i offered food to the kid (seriously, can’t force a kid to eat- punk!), that i let my kid have a concussion and not do anything about it, and that i kept him from walking. i think that i half believed that i was a stinker mom or something. any way- all the other pediatricians i’ve been to have been night and day (1. started off with a great one, then found out that it wasn’t on our insurance the next year. 2. horrible ped. 3. really great ped plus other ppl in practice were decent- though really pushed the flu vaccine, and the swine flu one. i was eh and said no. 4. moved (eh) and have a great ped who is down with my vaccine life).

    i have no idea bout KOP area, i live in ohio right now. who knows how long. i haven’t lived in the same place for longer than 2 years since 18. so much for *settling down* when i had kids 😉

  • Beckles March 3, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    I have been going to Family Practice Associates of King of Prussia my whole life. Since they’re not just pediatrics you won’t have to switch his doctor when he gets older. They’re right off of First Ave.

    Also, if G was completely purple he’d look like Grimace (from McDonald’s back in the day).

  • Sam March 3, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    Adorable awesome picture! It’s McBaby Grimace! (Sorry you’re having thrush troubles, +1 indignities to the long list.)

    “Violet, you’re turning violet Violet!”

    • jen March 3, 2011 at 3:04 pm

      i see i wasn’t the first to think of willy wonka… i immediately thought: “The shnozberries taste like shnozberries!”

  • Becky Mochaface March 3, 2011 at 2:12 pm

    Purple people eater!

  • Winn March 3, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    Lindsay’s captions rock. Especially the one about Barney. 😀

    Been there. Done that. Got the photos to prove it.

  • brianne March 3, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    Ahhhh, gotta love the gentian violet! It works, but ruins EVERY FREAKING THING! I still have a HUGE purple stain on my bathroom floor that will be there forever and ever. And a couple spots on the bathroom wall. I don’t even know how they got there. I quickly learned to dress baby in the not-so-cute outfits, like 80’s hand-me-downs from old aunties.

  • nicole March 3, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    wow! i have heard of this but never saw it in action! glad it works! G doesn’t look like he minds.. good luck with the new MD! There is a quasi hippy at work that lives near you, I will ask her in case you need another suggestion..

  • anonymous March 3, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    Try Gordon Klinow Pediatrics in Wayne and Bryn Mawr. We go to Wayne, primarily,and have had all good experiences with both kids. Very accomodating and thorough, and friendly too.

  • Lindsay March 3, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    Caption idea
    1. Yep, I ate Grover…that shit was good.
    as for the pediatrician…hope you find a great one!

  • Dlo March 3, 2011 at 3:19 pm

    “Holy Purple Nurple, Batman”.

  • SpotaneousMom March 3, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    I can see that baby G has been working on guming some grapes for Mommy’s wine!! LOL- maybe you need to get a picture just like this of B- hahahaha- that’s funny! :)

  • Sarah RDH March 3, 2011 at 3:38 pm

    I dont know if I feel worse for baby G or your nipples?!?!?!?!?!

  • Shannon March 3, 2011 at 3:55 pm

    You should probably tell B to use a stapler repeatedly on his penis but to be careful not to stain the sofa with his flecks of blood. Nipple pain from thrush is unbearable. Solidarity sister.

  • Jenn March 3, 2011 at 4:11 pm

    Yes!! Baby Eats Barney!

  • KimB March 3, 2011 at 4:36 pm

    Sorry about thrush! Hope the potent purple paint works :) Can I just say that DramaBaby looks so happy in that picture? Are you still doing the elimination diet – and how is it going? For you? For Gavin?? Hope you find a new pediatrician soon too. It makes a world of a difference!!

  • Zizette March 3, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    My friend had the purple monster too. At least he looks happy.

  • Melissa March 3, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    So, again…me, too! Thrush is a bitch and in Brazil (where we currently live) my OB told me to sit in the sun, topless, twice a day and the UV rays would kill the yeasties. No medication, except for some creme to put on my nips and a gel to put in E’s mouth…not purple, but she hated it, so that was fun, too. Hopefully your tata’s will stop itching and lightening soon! I am pregnant with #2 and I am so not looking forward to those 1st 3 months. They just suck with intermittent rays of sunshine. Soon it will be sunnier most days. Promise. Good luck!

  • Wildology March 3, 2011 at 5:17 pm

    “Yummy, mom, those histo bacteria slides sure did taste good!”

    So, from the biologist, Gentian Violet is used to stain slides (gram staining). I know; I’m a nerd.

    Hope things get better!

  • Amy March 3, 2011 at 5:18 pm

    Okay, your experience is so freakishly close to my experience with Nola the first few months. We got thrush too! At least we thought we had thrush cause that is what one of the pediatrician’s associates said it was–the white stuff on her tongue that didn’t come off. And then her doctor kept represcribing nystatin over and over to us…I tried everything to rid ourselves of the yeasties…sunning my boobs, washing with vinegar, and even hunting down a pharmacist who could concoct some cream that I found online! But every time we went back to the doc she would be all, “yeah that still might be thrush but maybe not?” My doc didn’t think it was. I ended up finding a specialist and taking Nola so he could look at her tongue and he was all, “Nope, not thrush. Just grooves in her tongue.” We changed pediatricians too after that.

    He looks super cute in that photo, by the way!

  • BernadetteUzcategui March 3, 2011 at 5:22 pm

    You are seriously hilarious! Just sayin’…

  • rosalind March 3, 2011 at 6:12 pm

    AHHH.. I had to do this too, and I took my boy to the movies (with earplugs) while he napped, to see Star Wars. Someone asked me if it was for the movie.
    We, too, got thrush and it felt like someone holding lighters up to the nips. I ate grapeseed extract pills, used gentian voiet, sunbathed topless on the porch, held the lamp 10 inches from the them…. painted my babe with gentian violet… all to no avail. I finally found our solution, and it came from a lactation consultant. She called it “triple nipple cream” (she made it up, I think). I bought a tube of antibiotic ointment, hydrocortisone, and antifungal cream, and made a little mixture of the three to apply to the nips. It worked so well, pain was gone in just a couple of days. This is after weeks of pain. Good Luck to you and your babe!

  • Lauren March 3, 2011 at 6:20 pm

    Forget “What to expect when you’re expecting.” You are teaching me everything I need to know, and scaring the crap out of me. I say this with love!

  • Siri March 3, 2011 at 6:42 pm

    “See, I’m a man of simple tastes. I like dynamite, and gunpowder… ”

    That’s a quote by The Joker from The Dark Knight. What, too soon?

  • Heather S March 3, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    I hope you’re both feeling better soon!

    I have been taking my daughter to Panda Bear Pediatrics in Boyertown, but they have an office in Collegeville. They’ve been great and so proactive when we have had any issues. Not sure on their take on alternative vax schedule, but I’m sure they would be open to it. They’re on 29 between Ridge and 422, near Ursinus.

  • Mary March 3, 2011 at 7:58 pm

    I had a baby four months ago and the first three months were so similar to what you describe (minus the yeast-that sounds extra fun). I love your honesty and sense of humor. I think it’s so important to talk about how hard new motherhood is. Thank you for doing that.

  • Lori March 3, 2011 at 9:15 pm

    Girllll let me just say that it seems if it can go wrong it has, now you have to deal with purple nips??? Eff. Well…at least dramababy G looks like he enjoys his purple lips with the big smile he’s showing!!! Hang in there MODG it does get better.

  • Molly March 3, 2011 at 9:17 pm

    holy cow. I sat down to catch up on your last couple of posts, I started reading this, and I was all, What Else Can Happen To This Girl???? yikes. At least it’s working. Just tell the public people that it’s a vegan-non-gluten-protein-anti-oxidant-vitamin filled drop. you’ll have them whipping out their Blackberry’s to search for it in two seconds. While you smirk. Hang in there : )

  • Sunny March 3, 2011 at 9:25 pm

    MODG!!!! I’m so oddly excited to see the purple baby mouth!!!!!! Let me explain…. My given Birth name is Sunny….. It was almost Yellow so I’m cool with Sunny… So u probably guessed by now…. My parents were hippies…. Yup… And I can remember MANY MANY MANY times my little mouth was purple as a child. My momma always used Gentian Violet for mouth sores like the little ulcer blister white things that burn like fire if u move/breathe/eat/smile and those tiny sore bump taste buds on the tip of ur tongue. That little purple jewel is pure hippie magic :-) so save ur bottle even after G stops breast feeding cause it will come in handy and is sooooooo hard to find. Glad u found a way to help his little mouth… Thrush is pretty painful for them and their little tongues can bleed from the slightest touch. Btw UR doing a great job new mommy. Don’t worry. We don’t judge and I am proud of u! Sending u Internet hugs! :-)

  • Natalie March 3, 2011 at 10:19 pm

    Woah. So when I first started reading your blog awhile back, I never realized where you were from. However, we recently relocated and now we live in West Chester, PA….and you live near King of Prussia….which is about half on hour away! So, sorry for accidentally stalking you, but kudos on the hippie medicine working. :)

  • Emily March 3, 2011 at 10:58 pm

    Oh how I remember the giant purple nips! Goth babies are so in for 2011. A great resource for yeast and breastfeeding in general: http://www.drjacknewman.com/help/Candida-Protocol.asp
    Hope the yeast gets better quickly. It can be awful!!

  • M March 3, 2011 at 11:47 pm

    Again with the similarities! We had thrush BAD for about 3 months, so I feel your pain- yes the pain was hell! Nystatin in CRAP. We had to do multiple treatments at the same time to finally get rid of it. Eventually what worked for us was Diflucan/Fluconazole for both of us (this is the strong anti-fungal med and it took till the second time for the doc to prescribe the correct dosage) and grapefruit seed extract (GSE)- used about every hour till it was gone. Hope you get rid of it quick, makes nursing so uncomfortable.

    Links that I read and re-read while trying to beat the damn thrush:

  • Ashleigh March 4, 2011 at 12:02 am

    Awww, he looks so happy! I dislike my ped and I hate how that feels so I feel you on that one. Sorry about the thrush:-(

  • Beth March 4, 2011 at 8:56 am

    At least he makes a very cute purple people eater monster…

    It’s too bad you don’t live up by me. Or, if you’re willing to make a 2 hour drive for your pediatrician, our office rocks. I actually like all three of the doctors (shocker, I know), but our main doctor is the best. She was totally fine with the vaccination schedule we choose and is all about feeding your baby real food versus other crap.

  • Renee March 4, 2011 at 10:06 am

    SO not fun. I’m sorry! Good news is that purple works on your little punkin!
    I have some inspirational wall quotes on my blog today you may want to take a look at.
    I think you should post number 3 in G’s room! Let me know =)

  • Lluvia March 4, 2011 at 11:26 am

    OOOOOOOOHHHHHH!!! Smily G is sooooo adorable! Looks like the purple thing worked! I don’t even know what thrush is, but I’m gonna google it. Glad to hear he’s ok!

    I love my pediatrician. He’s strict, uptight, thorough, and very big on setting schedules for your baby after 6 months. He actually takes his time with my kid unlike our previous doctor. Yep, I too, switched pediatricians.

  • Maggie March 4, 2011 at 11:56 am

    quote for G:

    “I have yeast? bullshit, I cured it with my brain. and this purple stuff. Epic!”

    • suzka March 5, 2011 at 12:38 pm

      “…The boy’s just living his grandiose life and making things so with the power of his mind.”

      Maggie’s caption wins.

  • Stacie March 4, 2011 at 12:36 pm

    Bless your heart, you have been through the f’in ringer lately. I feel your pain because with my first I had the exact same experience. One thing I did on top of the stainy, purple shit was grapefruit seed extract. It was what finally cured me and daughter. Also, I ate TONS of garlic (get pods and mince it, shove it down your throat, and then avoid human contact for 24 hrs to avoid stink eye glares b.c of your breath), and avoid SUGAR like the plague. My child was exactly like yours and I delayed a lot of vaccines and I am so glad I did. I thought she needed more time to get her little body working in proper order first. Best decision I ever made.

    Good luck girl. Who knew Mommyhood was such a trip, right?

  • Alexandria Campbell March 4, 2011 at 12:55 pm

    When I got pregnant & started breastfeeding all I could ever think about was thrush & gentian violet because all growing up my mom (had 8 kids) always had thrush & purple was like our house color

  • DoMo March 4, 2011 at 1:40 pm

    Caption: Remember to always drink your gummy beary juice from a brand-snob worthy sippy cup.

  • Melissa March 4, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    Kid’s First in West Chester is good; I actually used to go there when I was a kid.

  • SG March 4, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    Caption: Yes I feed Smurfs to my son! They are high in protein and I want him to grow up to be a linebacker. Whats it to you!?!?!?!

  • Amy M March 4, 2011 at 4:20 pm

    I’m pretty sure we all had stained mouths like that in college after drinking that nasty hunch punch. Looks like G has gotten into the purple drank!

    Also, you get like five bazillion sparkles for NOT being sparkly all the time. I am embarking on the suicide mission called motherhood and it is so gdamn refreshing to get some honesty, instead of those baby books who say that hemorrhoids are just happy mom-to-be bubbles popping out my butt and that once my kid is born I will wake up every single day so full of sunshine that it won’t bother me that I only slept two hours the night before. I am only five weeks in and I already want to punch that smug looking beetch in her horrid smock on the front of the Expecting book.

    In summary, go purple G, and go honest-to-blog Modg.

  • Ivy March 4, 2011 at 6:33 pm

    MODG, I feel for ya girl! Like a previous poster said, you have been through the ringer! While I haven’t had thrush (knock on wood), I did have a bout of mild mastitis. I was so paranoid about getting thrush after taking antibiotics that I took steps to prevent it…baby and I started taking probiotics daily, started rinsing the nips with vinegar, went off of sugar while on antibiotics and for two weeks after, sterilized everything baby touched with his mouth for weeks, washed my nursing bras and tanks daily, and took grapefruit seed extract pills. I was a woman obsessed, but I did manage to avoid dealing with the nasty yeast. If you aren’t taking probiotics already, I highly recommend that you try it! They make ones specifically for babies too, Jarrodophilis (sp?).

    Good luck with finding a new pediatrician!

  • Ashley S. March 4, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    I know someone totally said something about Barney already but I totally thought to myself…Barney nom nom! Haha!

  • nina March 4, 2011 at 10:43 pm

    Are you going to do a post on your old asshole pediatrician?

  • Bob March 5, 2011 at 3:12 am

    Note to self: Next time I decide to steal a baby remember to remove the dye pack from his mouth.

  • Anna March 6, 2011 at 7:05 am

    I just called our future pediatrician after much debate and a lot of discussion with friends who already have kids. It is funny because I found that if you ask 7 different people about pediatricians you will get 7 different answers, often saying the same thing about a doctor even though one might hate the doctor and another might love them. My friends who is a pediatrician recommended that it is not about a good or bad doctor but about finding someone compatible with your style.

    On another note would love an update on how the elimination diet is going…do you think it made a difference? When do you start adding things back?

  • Sunny March 6, 2011 at 10:44 am

    I just thot of a caption for the photo…. And forgive me if someone else said it but I didn’t read all the posts….. One eyed one horned CRYING purple people eater?????? How’s that for cute?????

  • Carrie March 6, 2011 at 10:46 am

    Hi! I just read your comment on the breastfeeding group “re I’m Fried”. I also have a blog! In anycase, thank you for your comment. I might take you up on emailing sometime. I don’t have a pediatrician in Kinga Prussia but we will “Healthy Steps Pediactrics” of Exton. Hang in there!

  • eileen marie March 6, 2011 at 4:29 pm

    Best baby picture.ever. He certainly looks thrilled with himself!
    Btw, MODG, are you doing Kymaro body shaper TV spots for extra cash flow? (You look A LOT like the girl in the ad that clearly has no need for a body shaper of any kind.)

  • April Queen March 6, 2011 at 6:06 pm

    That is TOO funny! I wasn’t expecting the picture either! It looks like Gerber Blueberry Buckle gone bad!!! Good luck on the pediatrician. It’s hard to find one that YOU relate to. Even though the baby is the patient you two are a package deal and you have to like the doctor and the doctor should have respect for you as the mom. My kids are a little older, so a lot of the time I just take them to mine, but when they are little it is a big deal if you feel like you are being heard by the doctor. I used to get so mad when I had to see one that was on rotation and not my normal pediatrician. They have the degree, but all babies are different. I had to bring that to the attention of one of the pediatricians one time. He had the education, but mama intuition overrides EVERY time!!!!!

  • Kb March 7, 2011 at 1:17 am

    My baby’s a G, drinkin that purple drank since 2011.

  • kellym March 7, 2011 at 4:32 am

    As a previous poster mentioned, PROBIOTICS. Take them, both of you. bio-k plus has a dairy free version, though I am not sure about other allergens. You would find it refrigerated in the medicine section at whole foods. When my baby and I had thrush we took the Nystatin for 2weeks, no change. Started probiotics and it cleared with-in a day. Good luck to you!

  • Heather March 7, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    I hope that purple stuff works.
    Both of my boys had thrush by the time they were 3 weeks old, we tried the nystatin and it didn’t do jack. So I told the doc to prescribe the actual medication (an antifungal I think it was)- it was gone in less than 24 hours. Why they don’t just give you the medication first I don’t know – but whatever. My boobs and their mouths survived.
    As for the cranky baby – It usually gets better around 3-4 months! Good luck! I’m hooked on your blog!


  • Suzy March 7, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    God bless you – it sucks to go through that. I/we had thrush for 2 months when my daughter was 6 months old. What a nightmare. Hope you’re feeling better!

  • anonymous March 7, 2011 at 7:47 pm

    Trappe Pediatrics in Collegeville. Love.

  • Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic March 7, 2011 at 8:09 pm

    my goodness momma modg you are going through a time aren’t you? That’s the politest way I could say HOLY SHIT GIRL! I am glad you are getting all this under control and that you are doing the right thing by finding a new baby doctor… seriously I think too many women and men these days just take what one doctor says for face value. Fight the power!

    I’m pretty sure you’re racking up MAJOR karma points right now.. how can you not be? *SENDING GOOD VIBES YOUR WAY*