Milkless MODG. Die

Yesterday I started counseling. This past week has put me over the edge and that poor old woman counselor with the sauce stain on her shirt and hugging polar bear calendar didn’t know what hit her.

First we should back up a step and peek into the last week of our lives. One thing you can be sure of, when you see a few days go by without a post from me, I’m probably either crying into my half eaten frozen meal or doing laps in a 10×10 room with baby G saying shhh shhh shhh over and over AND OVER. But those aren’t the things that put me over the edge. I’ve dealt with not sleeping, like ever. I’ve dealt with the shrill cries in public. I’ve dealt with baby G trapping me in my own home for 2 straight months. But this was the diaper that broke the washing machine.  Baby G has now F’d with the one external non baby joy left in my life. My foods.

The past few nights dramababy has shot out some farts that I thought would shoot him across the room from their force. And it’s over and over and OVER again. We’re doing the drops and all that nonsense. Then he starts snoring. I’m like, seriously? I can barely deal with B’s snores and farts, now you? After much google and doctor and lactation consulting, I’m now banned from the world of dairy and soy indefinitely.

NO DAIRY OR SOY INDEFINITELY.

You may be saying, ok deal with it. Don’t eat cheese and ice cream. No my friend. No. It doesn’t work that way. See dairy cows are tricky. If you look on a label of a food. Like BREAD you may see words like whey or cassein or alksdf;asjh[uerhe;j. And those words are just dairy cows being fancy instead of saying: YES THERE IS MILK IN THIS AND I'M JUST CALLING IT MILK. No, they make it way difficult and cryptic so like a mental patient, I'm standing in Trader Joe's squinting at the Earth Balance label to know if I can ever have a butter substance again. No, the answer is no I can't.

And then when I finally figure out the damn dairy thing, the soy monster shows up. If you don't think soy is in every single thing you eat ever, it is. I promise. I don't know when soy replaced common ingredients like water, but it did. That chicken that I have marinating? Soy bath. That granola bar that is fake healthy? Soy stick. That VALENTINE'S DAY CANDY? forget it.

YES BABY G HAS TAKEN AWAY MY CANDY.

this could be any number of things that G is expressing his hate towards. I've lost count.

And that my friends is what sent me to counseling.

When you feel like you’re giving every single ounce you can give another person and then you have to give more, you lose it. Even if it’s as simple as a kit kat.

So I get to the counselor and I sit down.

C: So how are you?

Me: I’MNOTGOOD Ican’tdealwithitanymore nosleepnofoodnowinecrycrycrybabycriesallthetimefatpantsvomitinmyhair. ANDIFEELGUILTYALLTHETIME. can’tleavemyhouseformorethan2hours. SAGGY BOOBS.

C: Ok then, let me just jot that down.

We’ll see how this goes. I’m not super confident in Ms. Sauce Stain. But I need to start somewhere.

I debated not getting into all of this with the internet, but I think it’s important for you to know that sometimes mom stuff is easy and sometimes it is hard. And it’s ok if it’s hard. And I’m getting some help to deal with it. And I mean let’s face it. We all know I’m a crazy person anyway.

F, I hear noises in the monitor. CRINGE. gobacktosleepgobacktosleeppleaaaase.

xoxo,

milkless modg.

**UPDATE**

Within moments of posting that, like the awesomest readers that you are, you have already given me blogs, brands, websites, etc to turn to and I can’t thank you enough. I don’t want to discourage that because I thrive on your advice. But I just want to briefly address the suggestions to switch to formula. As everyone knows breastfeeding is such a personal decision. It is important to me to do all that I can to breastfeed baby G. I know he’s having some issues now but I believe he’d  have issues as well on formula, just different ones. I also don’t have an ounce of energy left to try different ones let alone the dollar dollar bills to afford it.  I know all I do is bitch about mom stuff, but the one thing that is really going well (outside of the allergies) is the breastfeeding. I would encourage all moms to at least give it a try. However, I would never judge a formula wielding mom. To each his own.  The benefits I’ve already seen from the breastfeeding have far outweighed the negatives for us. We need some tweaking but we’ll get there….with a lot of bitching along the way. Because that’s me.

**DOUBLE UPDATE**

More of a disclaimer I guess for the pregs and child-less. Don’t let my stories scare the ovaries out of you. Baby G is the exception not the rule. I have yet to meet another baby of his caliber. Your future baby will be fine. You’ll pop it out and be like, MODG was full of it. And I’ll be happy for you (and stab you in my mind).

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POSTED IN: babies,breastfeeding,Dramababy,Eating Innapropriately,Mom Stuff,Sharing

{ 135 comments }

robin February 16, 2011 at 11:58 am

I’ve been experimenting with milkless & coffeeless. Its super hard! I haven’t been tested but may be alergic/intollerant to milk and coffee. that was a sad day. My brother in law is recently a strict vegan so I’d recommend looking into books/blogs/products that are soy free and vegan. It’s totally a new way of thinking/eating but can be done. good luck!

Daisy February 16, 2011 at 12:01 pm

You know what doesn’t have milk or soy?

Booze.

I’m only here to help.

(Slightly more serious: dude that suuuuucks and one day, as G is heading off to college and trying to not say goodbye you can TOTALLY hang this one right on over his head for a nice goodbye hug in front of his entire dorm floor.)

Drew February 16, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Good luck with the counselor and thanks for keeping it real on your blog. I can’t imagine dealing with the soy issue, once I started reading labels I realized how much it must suck to be allergic to soy, it truly is in everything! Hope you find some dairy free/ soy free candy soon!

Judith February 16, 2011 at 12:02 pm

I am really sorry that you are having a hard time with the new baby. I don’t have children and all my experience is second hand but from what I’ve seen it’s never easy. I know you are going to want to smack me for saying this – especially since I don’t have children – but it does get better and you will find your way. Congratuations for going to see a counselor and getting help! I can tell you when you get the right one they do help. A lot. One kept me from killing my husband when we lived in the Middle East.

I love your blog – thanks for sharing! It may not help but we’re rooting for you!

Michelle February 16, 2011 at 12:05 pm

I am so sorry for all of the difficulties you have has so far. I sincerly hope that the councelling helps you and thanks for keeping it real here and being so honest.

Wishing you many sparkles that this will help! :)

jenn February 16, 2011 at 12:11 pm

That really sucks. I’m sorry you’re going through this. :( I’m a vegan so I actually do those things by choice, and maybe some suggestions would help?

- Almond Milk – Vanilla Flavor…seriously good
- Almond Milk – Chocolate flavor…seriously SERIOUSLY good. You can mix it in the blender with a banana and some ice and it tastes just like a chocolate milkshake.
(They’re cheaper than soy milk too – bonus! Find the Almond Breeze brand).

Fake cheese – Daiya brand (can find at Whole foods). It’s made from Tapioca and it’s soy free as well as dairy free. Here’s a link to the ingredients: http://www.daiyafoods.com/products/cheddar.asp

Bread – Ezekial brand. Dairy free.

I’m assuming that you only have to do this while you’re nursing – so the good thing is…there is an end in sight!! Hope things get better for you.

Sarah vL February 16, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Oh MODG! I feel so bad for you. Doubly more sad/guilty feeling because I just mailed you a box full of candy. Seriously. It should get to your PO box by Saturday. :( Save it for when you can eat it again!

Also, if this counselor woman doesn’t work/fit for you, I would say keep looking and don’t give up. I had a fantastic counselor that I found by word of mouth, and he didn’t have any sauce stains on his shirt. So keep trying – get the help you need. We’re here to support you 110% of the way.

Sparkles and unicorns being sent your way!

Kate February 16, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Sarah’s point is a very insightful one. If the saucy-bloused counselor lady sucks, find a new one.
Finding the right counselor turned my frown upside down- I just had to get through three asshats first.

None of them took to regularly sporting condiments, though I am pretty sure one found it funny to fart in his office right before patients came in. Yuck.

Jenn February 16, 2011 at 12:17 pm

You are doing so many awesome things… Going to ridiculous lengths to help out little G, being bold about your experience by sharing with others, and surviving new parenthood. But wouldn’t it be nice if you had time or energy or ability to do something awesome for yourself?

When my baby was about 6 weeks old, I received a present in the mail. Wrapped and tied up with glittering pink paper & ribbons, I honestly dreaded opening up another SO CUTE LOOK AT THE TINY DRESS/SWEET BLANKET. I opened it up eventually, and found a present for ME. Now, it was a pink adult sized t shirt that says “HAPPY MOM” and has a smiley face on it, but it was still FOR ME ONLY. Most amazing friend ever.

I guess there’s not much a random internet reader can do, so I’ll just be rooting for you, too, that you get a break sometime, somehow.

Lindsay February 16, 2011 at 12:19 pm

I’m so sorry you have to deal with this (only it’s not “dealing” if it’s for your own child, I would guess, so wrong wording). I can imagine you’ve had enough advice and that you’re probably more advanced with the google than I am (nah, now I’m just being fake-nice) but I’ve been vegan for 3 years and IF you have brand questions, etc you can send me an email and I’ll try my best to help. Same goes with counseling. It took me three total quacks before I found a therapist I liked. Go with your gut, which seems to be right-on!

Beckles February 16, 2011 at 12:23 pm

OMG THAT BLOWS. I’d need counseling too if someone told me I couldn’t have cheese or chocolate or ice cream. That’s for real like my worst nightmare. I’m sorry for your loss.

Shelby February 16, 2011 at 12:24 pm

I am not a mom, or a regular commenter… but I do know that there is soy-free earth balance: http://www.earthbalancenatural.com/eb_pdfs/products/soy-free-nutrition-info.pdf

So you can have some buttery goodness. And make B pick up some good bread to put it on, the homemade kind where the only ingredients are flour, yeast, and water.

Amber B February 16, 2011 at 12:27 pm

MODG-

It’s OK to give your baby formula. I know there are tons of benefits to breastfeeding and it’s a very admirable goal, but it’s not worth your sanity (or giving up cheese in my opionion). With my first baby it’s like my boobs didn’t know what they were supposed to do. I fought with them for 6 months before deciding 3 oz of breast milk a day wasn’t worth pumping 6 times a day. Nate is now a perfectly healthy and smart 7 year old. Everything that’s wrong with him is genetic and not a result of my lack of milk.

Give yourself a break and let yourself and G be happy (and maybe B too).

I’m wishing you good luck no matter what road you take.

Sarah February 16, 2011 at 1:56 pm

If baby G is allergic to milk/soy, though, he’d have to be on the (ultra ultra ultra expensive) hypoallergenic formula. Moms shouldn’t feel bad if they decide to/need to use formula, but in this case it isn’t solving anything. Also, babies with allergies benefit that much more from breastmilk.

MODG ~ my oldest was allergic to pretty much everything, but we didn’t discover it until she was over a year old. Wish I’d have known sooner as then maybe she would have slept for more than an hour at a time ever. Once she was totally dairy free (and soy, and corn, and pineapple, and on and on) she started sleeping all night, magically. Hope you have the same experience! And, bonus, she is now 3 and has outgrown all food restrictions. Good luck! I know it’s so so hard to be on a restricted diet (especially if you don’t see immediate results).

Wendy February 16, 2011 at 12:28 pm

I had my own little drama baby right smack at the beginning of winter and it screwed me up bad. Like wanting-to-veer-into-oncoming-traffic bad. I promise, it really really does get better.
Would it be totally not cool of me to say right now that you’ve given the boob thing a really good try and no one could fault you for switching to a nice dairy-free soy-free formula for the sake of your sanity? I have no business saying that–breastfeeding was the one and only thing I didn’t have trouble with. But I remember how hard it is to have that brand new baby and want to do everything all hippie and right, and to feel guilty about every damn thing, and to have nothing left at the end of the day. Sometimes it’s okay to put yourself first.
Just don’t tell the doula I said that.

Nikki February 16, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Howdy! I love your blog and hate that you are feeling so horrible. I know a lot of women would suggest punching me in the mouth for saying this, but I’ll tell you something that helped me A LOT:

Pump like crazy (so that your freezer is full of baby milk), and then, stop breastfeeding. After the first 6 months, doctors say there’s no real health benefits anyway (over formula). I pumped until my outdoor freezer (which is the size of a regular fridge) was full of those milk bags, then I stopped breastfeeding (baby girl was about 3.5 months old at the time). No more feeling like a cow, no more leaky boobs, no more worrying about splashing my husband during our “private time”, your husband (or any helper you can find) can then do feedings in the middle of the night or in the middle of the day when you’re taking a nap, so that you can get some sleep, and the baby had enough mommy milk to last until yesterday (10 days after she turned 6 months old). Now, we’re on to formula, but guess what? The baby and I are both still alive and love each other very much because the last few months, I actually got some sleep! (Also, once you’re done pumping, you can go back to eating/drinking whatever you want!)

Ok, time for the La Leche League to attack me now. I hope that no matter what, you start feeling better soon!

CJ February 16, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Who needs La Leche when the Surgeon General is on board!
http://www.surgeongeneral.gov/topics/breastfeeding/factsheet.html

But seriously, not sure what “doctor’s” you mean – the American Academy of Pediatrics says:
Increased duration of breastfeeding confers significant health and developmental benefits for the child and the mother…
There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeeding and no evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the third year of life or longer.
http://aappolicy.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics;115/2/496

But in all seriousness – Nikky, good for you for coming up with a plan to get to 6 months since so many don’t make it that far!

MODG – Pump and freeze like crazy, just because. The stress of going back to work can do weird things to your supply (won’t affect G when he’s actually nursing, just you and the pump) and the last thing you need is the additional stress of worrying that you’re not able to pump enough. It NEVER hurts to have a surplus, you can always rotate it out so it stays “fresh”. But having your own liquid gold in reserve is nearly always a stress reliever for any number of ‘what-if’ scenarios. My one regret was definitely not pumping and storing when the going was good. I took it for granted and had to work triple hard to stay formula-free. You’ve already got a lot going on though – so one thing at a time…

Rei February 17, 2011 at 10:26 pm

Any doctors who say there are no real health benefits after 6 months are sadly lacking knowledge of breastfeeding. The benefits continue as long as nursing continues.
I’m not attacking, just trying to inform.

Ivettie February 16, 2011 at 12:34 pm

I went through the same thing….I had to look for all kinds of milk alternatives, dairy alternatives……IT SUCKS. I was forever at Whole Foods, and damn that gets expensive. As far as the way you are feeling. I went through the same thing, me and the hubs are huge wine drinkers, and I ADORE coffee, well I couldn’t have either, I couldn’t eat spicy food, I couldn’t have dairy or soy, I couldn’t have any high fat foods, cuz i was trying to loose the baby fat, I didn’t sleep, he didn’t sleep, and he screamed all night long. I felt the guilt you felt, and the urge to TAKE A BREAK. The only thing that helped was when my hubs got home i would go to the store for like 1.5 hours and or take a nap and a shower. Seeing a therapist will help, but also try to get some alone time.

Lindsey February 16, 2011 at 12:37 pm

So what does baby G’s personality mean for you and going back to work? Are you dying to go back for your sanity or too scared to because he might lose it?

Marjorie February 16, 2011 at 12:49 pm

A friend of mine had to go off dairy, soy, and corn for a few months while nursing her baby. I saw her eat a lot of apples and lettuce . . . not exactly appealing, but I know she did indulge in one mini candy bar each day and it didn’t affect the baby at all. By the time her allergy baby was 5 or 6 months old, he was dairy/soy/corn tolerant and she was super skinny, so it’s not all bad news.

I dealt with post-partem depression for about a year after the birth of my son. If you think that might be what you’re going through, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Do what you have to do to get through the day. If the counseling helps, go. If it doesn’t, quit. I would stand in the shower and cry every morning to get it all out and wouldn’t let myself cry any more the rest of the day. A wise, older friend told me that he survived his son’s croup by laying him in his crib and taking a walk outside around the house when he thought he couldn’t take any more. He knew the baby was safe and it gave him a few moments of peace and quiet to regain some of his sanity. It will get better and faster than you think. Right now is just about survival.

Marjorie February 16, 2011 at 3:57 pm

I meant colic, not croup. Oops!

jenny February 16, 2011 at 1:01 pm

GIrl, switch to formula!! Save yourself. You need to take care of yourself and your sanity first before you can take care of a baby! Come on! Do something nice for yourself!

Stacy February 16, 2011 at 1:14 pm

MODG you are a better woman than me. I don’t have any trouble nursing my daughter but I don’t know if I could give up dairy and soy- or the coffee for that matter. Well except for the fact that my husband interprets every cry as hunger and brings her to me with “She’s hungry.”

Hang in there. You have to be happy too and you’re not a failure if you stop breast feeding due to Baby G’s allergy drama. Good luck with the counselor. Maybe you can find one that puts sparkles back in your life if this one doesn’t mesh well with you. Not sure when you are going back to work but for me I found that the pumping was great because I could just get it done quickly without fuss and I really enjoyed the times that I did get to nurse her. But the pumping gave me a little mental break during the day.

Kass February 16, 2011 at 1:14 pm

I hear ya…and….I remember when. All of my kids had colic. It was so long ago, I didn’t know about being tested for foods that might be causing it. I just went crazy. I jogged them around the room violently. This seemed to bounce the gas out or soothe their guts. I don’t know. I felt just as tortured as they sounded (yes, I know it sounds crazy to me too every time I type ‘they.’ I did it 4 times – crazy). I laid one son face down over my arms as I jogged. This worked really well. Gradually, their agony subsided. It think it took 3 to 5 months.

It’s understandable that you feel deflated, defeated, deboobed. It will get better. I promise.

Nichole February 16, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Thanks to my daughter’s allergies to just about EVERTHING as a newborn/infant/toddler, I had to switch to what is basically known nowadays as the “Paleo Diet.” Only meat, some veggies and fruit. No grains, no soy, no dairy, no corn. Not even rice, because rice would give her ulcers. Although I will say that six years later, we still eat this way and we do feel and look great. MODG, I really admire your strength, I really do! You rock.

Elizabeth February 16, 2011 at 1:25 pm

I agree with Jenny. The most important thing was the colostrum for him to get. I understand your pain though. I had a reflux baby you spit up on EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME!!!! Not ok! Hang in there!

Gini February 16, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Holy SHIT. I actually just wondered if I really wanted a baby. Don’t tell my husband.

:( Really sadpants for you. That SUCKS. But, this too shall pass….right? (You’re not banned forever are you?)

ellie February 16, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Glad I’m not the only one going, “Oh, shit!” I know that most babies are not as amazzeballs as Drama Baby but there is always that slight chance…ay yi yi!

MODG, super proud of you for going to counseling! Taking the time to make sure you are okay is the best way to be able to support anyone else be it B or G. Way to own your own happiness!

ellie

SOMFL February 16, 2011 at 1:40 pm

You are doing awesome, just always remember that. You are there for your kid, that’s all that matters and will matter forever. One of these days your 3 year old boy will pee his pants on purpose because he does not like what you picked out. We can’t all wear Transformer pants everyday, now can we?? Then you will be a half hour late to work beacause you are a bad mom and do not keep up with laundry and had to dig for something so your kid does not show up in pee pants. Then your five year old will tell you that she does not like your hair, or your make-up, or your clothes, or even your wedding dress all because of a reason you cannot even remember. Then when you get a quiet moment with them he will say that you are his hot mama and he loves ya so much while he puts his little chubby hand on your cheek and she will say that you are her best friend and she loves you in her heart. That makes the pain go away, even residual pain from no sleep and no dairy days, sore boobs, and feeling so lost. Moms are awesome. Amen.

Rachel February 16, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Claire had a milk protein allergy.. I, too, have to give up the milk. It was crazy hard especially when we eat Mexican all the time. Want to the hear the awesome part?? You lose like 10 lbs in 2 weeks. I did, anyway. I was all, “Holla! I hate milk too!” And she ended up growing out of it by around 8 months.
Major sads for you. It’s hard to deal with.

BCJ February 16, 2011 at 3:03 pm

I totally lost a ton of weight when dairy went out the window. Easily the equivalend of a small child. But it’s b/c I had it to lose… lol. Def a nice side effect!

Desiree February 16, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Crazy is the new cool. You’re just being fashionable.

Krista February 16, 2011 at 1:44 pm

MODG-
I was a first time mother, like you, who only wanted to breastfeed. It was very important me and I literally had a couple of small nervous breakdowns over the whole situation. No lie. I would cry and cry and cry because I couldn’t nurse properly. That led me to one bottle of formula a day and pumping the rest. It was HARD and annoying. My daughter then decided to be a reflux baby. Awesome right? Well, after pumping for 8 weeks, coming back to work and at the time giving her two bottles of formula a day (the rest breastmilk) I realized that all of this stress isnt worth it. I stressed myself out. I stressed my daughter out. It was terrible.
So the moral to this story is, YES! Breastmilk is best and awesome and wonderful, but formula isnt bad either! My daughter actually started to get better once she went to formula 100% of the time. Don’t let this get to you. You are strong and awesome and sparkly!!!! Maybe just try formula once and see how he reacts.

Mo February 16, 2011 at 1:50 pm

BALLS TO THIS!!!!

(to the no milk thing, not the counseling thing. Cheers to the counseling thing. Talking to someone with a clipboard can be a really really good thing.)

All I can offer is internet hugs and the promise of the very very tall booze drinks that you are certainly entitled to as soon as you are able. I’ll buy.

Janet February 16, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Oh, MODG, I have been worrying about you. I don’t have any advice–my baby is not yet fully cooked–but hang in there. Thanks for being honest and funny, always.

Oh, what about rice milk or almond milk? I know it’s not that exciting, but you can use them for cooking creamy things…

Kiki February 16, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Ugh, ugh, UGH!! I had that with my first. She had really bad diaper rash — like little sores on her bottom. But no screaming and crying like G though. It is super tough because besides figuring out the whole baby thing you have to totally rethink food. You thought simply eating would be an easy no-brainer. Fresh fruits and veggies are your best friend. Not very exciting, I know. I know I was not 100% vigilant and just cutting off milk, butter, cheese and ice cream helped tremendously. So maybe just cutting out those big offenders could do a lot of good? I ended up having to supplement with Alimentum. I wasn’t eating enough to keep up top milk production. This is something my daughter grew out of. She east dairy like a champ now. Just something her new digestive system had a hard time adjusting to. Glitter hearts and sparkle rainbows being sent your way!

Maggie February 16, 2011 at 1:57 pm

I just started counseling because the birth of my baby brought on a severe case of the crazies, in which I am having irrational fears all the time. you are doing everything right and it will get better. I also suggest trying formula to see how it goes. it might help! hang in there, we’re all pulling for you!

Anonymous February 16, 2011 at 2:05 pm

I am currently in the same situation with my son and at first it was daunting but it gets easier. I have fallen in love with Turtle Mountain products thanks to a friend who was also milk/soy free while nursing. They are coconut milk based and very good. Give them a try and hang in there, when you have your happy smiley baby you will not miss the dairy. Maybe the candy, but just replace it with Pinot noir that’s what I did!

Rach February 16, 2011 at 2:06 pm

I have no baby advice to give… nor will I say OMGOMGOMG MODG THAT IS SOOOOO SUCKFEST because you can only say “I KNOW, stop reminding me” so often without wanting to kill us all…

But I want to internet-hug you for trying counseling and for having the internet-balls to talk about it. I was in therapy for a year after I called off my wedding. I am quite certain that it is THE. BEST. THING. I have ever done for myself and I internet-applaud you for making yourself a priority.

Also? Big high five to the commenter who said you can TOTALLY use this later in G’s dramateen life. “I changed my entire f-ing diet for you… you can fold your own gee-damn laundry!!” ;) I mean, come on, that’s why people HAVE kids, right? So they can eventually use the phrases “because I said so” and “I told you so”??

BlueRidge8 February 16, 2011 at 2:07 pm

The hits just keep coming for you – but I think you are handling it like a sparkle star. Jimmy B was right, If we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane.

MD February 16, 2011 at 2:08 pm

I had a good friend who had a baby similar to Mr. G and after cutting out diary, soy, wheat – etc, he was a perfectly happy little guy! It sucked for her for a while till she found all these other food alternatives, but BF’ing is worth it. Hope your elimination diet does the trick for the little guy – hang in there!

Christina February 16, 2011 at 2:08 pm

That sucks hard. I’ll pray for you and little Dude. In the mean time, can he not have formula? I mean, you cant eat anything and wine is bad for the baby too ~ how do you hold back to want to punch something?

KMW February 16, 2011 at 2:18 pm

MODG, of COURSE baby G is of a different caliber. He’s from YOU and you are the most unique. Any offspring that you created would certainly have just as much “unique-ness”, if not more.

I’m 7+ weeks preggo (after a bit of heart-healing after a miscarriage this summer – cross your fingers for us) and I was always the girl who never wanted to breastfeed. Horror stories from family and friends were to blame for that decision. I’d like to say that you have changed my mind on this subject so that I’d at least like to try it because I do believe the benefits outweigh the negatives.

I also want to thank you for making pregnancy and motherhood real. All the books, all the magazines, all the shows on TV still make it out to be all sparkle roses and hearts and easy. My eyes are open to a more realistic expectation of what pregnancy and motherhood really means. But you’ve expressed that through all the bad is one super awesome good – the precious addition to the family. It makes it all worthwhile. But I’m so very glad that you’re so candid and honest about the issues that are involved as well. Makes the rest of us not wonder if we’re the only ones feeling this way. So thank you for that :)

xo KMW

KMW February 17, 2011 at 6:01 am

I forgot to ask you how B is handling all this? Guys sometimes freak out too… S is feeling a little overwhelmed by all of the changes. He doesn’t like giving up his mancave (our 3rd spare room that he has converted into a man TV den) to make room for baby ;) Sacrifices, baby!

Christy February 16, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Good for you to stick with it even though its getting to you. I’ve known a lot of gals who had to change their entire diet just to nurse their little ones. You story might be a huge encouragement to others, you never know.

Becky Mochaface February 16, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Good for you for sticking to what you want. I admire that.

C February 16, 2011 at 2:27 pm

OK, just take all the uber supportive comments above and pretend like I said it.

But to add to that, I tell every new mom that I know that it’s TOTALLY NORMAL to secretly hate your child during the first 3 months. OK, maybe not hate, but not have the “rainbows, ponies and sparkles” feelings that they portray on all those Lifetime Movies. Your child is a giant ball of need and it’s exhausting. And you don’t even get the “reward” of a smile or a kiss or hug or anything. It’s like being a slave to some awful, tiny, masochistic dictator. And to top it all off, no one ever wants to admit to feeling this way because it’s taboo and you feel like it makes you a bad mother. Well I’m here to say that you’re not a bad mom, you’re normal.

That being said, a good counselor that doesn’t judge is awesome. Find one that works for you.

As breastfeeding seems very important to you, have you heard of the Thanksgiving Diet? I think this is also known as the Total Elimination Diet by Dr. Sears. Basically you eat Turkey and cranberry sauce and potatoes. The idea is that this is this diet cuts out almost every allergen. Then after a week or two, or once your kid is adjusted and hopefully happy and not gassy, you add back in foods until you figure out what the problem food is. I think it’s one of the “fastest” ways to get through the world of food allergies and really identify the source of the problem. Upside, you get to eat a TON. Downside, it’s turkey, potatoes and cranberry sauce.

Here’s a link to another mom that tried it: http://motherhooduncensored.typepad.com/motherhood_uncensored/2005/11/the_thanksgivin.html

We’re all cheering for you.

Chris February 16, 2011 at 2:27 pm

I am 7.5 months pregnant and a recent lurker to your blog and I have to say….you are fabulous, I love your posts and humor and your honesty. You are not scaring me at all about having a little monster, and I believe you can get through this. Although in full disclosure….since I am 7.5 months pregnant with a large belly and huge amounts of hormones, I would probably assault anyone who kept me from dairy products. So that is really a sucky sucky thing. But your kid is super cute, so that must make you feel slightly better, because if he was ugly and you were going through this crap, then you’d have to just give up. Aesthetics are crazy important. You know that. Hang in there.

carissa February 16, 2011 at 2:33 pm

http://www.enjoylifefoods.com/our_foods/ Get some food here! :) Hope this helps.

Leah February 16, 2011 at 2:33 pm

My guy had terrible, awful gas and reflux, so I cut out dairy for awhile, and was super happy that it didn’t help at all and I could go back to my normal diet. We even tried the expensive formula (I just pumped and froze while he was on it) and it didn’t help at all. Plus, that shit stains. My furniture and carpet have permanent reminders of it. The next step was to cut out gluten, but fortunately he grew out of it before that became necessary. Isn’t amazing how much dairy they can sneak into things that you wouldn’t think would have it? Hopefully G will grow out of all of this soon!

katie February 16, 2011 at 2:33 pm

I grew up on a dairy. like with cows. we went to the barn to get milk for dinner. every night. my son is allergic to milk (and beef, go figure. and there’s more to his list) i breastfed him (with all things dairy in my diet, and none the wiser.) second baby came and i knew better. i took all that good stuff out of my diet (for nearly 11 months!) and we just got #2 tested for food allergies… NONE! i like to think that it was the elimination diet that worked for her. MY HARD WORK payed off in the end. babies’ immune systems are developing constantly and by taking the allergy shtuff out of your diet it gives their immune systems to overcome the allergy (that is what i think, no doctor has told me this nor will i ask because if i do and they say that’s a load of crock then well my daughter and son are freaks of nature.)

i guess what i’m trying to say is you got this :)

we’ve known about my son’s food allergies for 2 1/2 years and i still cry when i go to the grocery store, it’s hard and i blame myself a lot. my husband and doctors can’t convince me otherwise. earth balance has a soy-free dairy-free butter that doesn’t taste too bad ;) good luck!!!

BCJ February 16, 2011 at 2:53 pm

Kudos to you on the hardline breastfeeding stance! It’s not for everyone; it can be really hard and a serious comittment, especially if you’re a working mom and even moreso if you a a traveling working mom. But women do it. Not everyone is willing to go the lengths necesary, and that is totally fine, everyone’s circumstances are different. My husband was totally on board when he did the math on the cost of formula for a year – lol. Said buy whatever fancy pump you want b/c it’ll still be cheaper! And formula is all soy or dairy based anyway – not going to help your situation. Just remember you are an amazing mom and doing what mom’s do by putting your baby’s needs first (for now)! Go MODG!

Anyways – the food stuff. I hear you loud and clear. We are soy-free, dairy-free, gluten-free and corn-free (god help us, the corn intolerance is a new one – that is rivaling the difficulty of soy). A couple tips for you. Coconut everything is an amazing substitute! There’s something called “coconut aminos” (we buy it at whole foods) that tastes like a slightly sweet soy sauce – can be substituted for soy in all the recipes so we marinate in that. Serious saved my life. Asian (me) with a soy-allergy – what kind of b/s it that?!?! Anyways. There’s also coconut milk ice cream – don’t go for it right off though. You need to give yourself some time to get the real ice cream taste out of your system. After that the coconut ice cream works as a good replacement – theres a chocolate hazelnut flavor that is pretty damn good. seriously good stuff. Just don’t mess with the plain coconut flavor, IMO. Coconut oil is a good butter replacement. can be sub-ed in anywhere. baking, cooking, spreading on toast. Lord, I hope you don’t hate the taste of coconut… it’s subtle but there in all of these things. I like it, but… Oh and there is also coconut milk creamer for your coffee/tea, etc. Rice milk, hemp milk, etc all fail miserably on the coffee front. My tip on cheese – just don’t bother. The fake stuff just doesn’t cut it and makes me feel worse about the situation. Just angry. Best just to stick with the coconut milk ice cream as a good glutonous fix. I also found a side benefit to the no dairy thing – you seriously just start to feel better (once you get over the anger of it all). It’s kind of weird and you don’t really realize it until you cheat and feel the difference.

Last two things – and important. There is soy-free, dairy-free chocolate. Did you hear me. Chocolate is not out of the questions! We use the chips for baking all the time and I know the brand makes other stuff, too. “Enjoy Life” is the brand – ironic right? Additionally, many people say that soy oil and soy lecithin (a common emulsifier in EVERYTHING) are considered to be of little to no consequence with respect to allergies & intolerances because they include very little protein. We avoid soybean oil (which is also in freaking everything – ruined a lot of bakery breads and baked goods for me becase its aka vegetable oil. but CHIPOTLE – the assholes cook everything in soybean oil, as do most other places – sorry to depress you further). Anyways, when you’re done with your hard stance 6 week (or however long) elimination – soy lecithin is usually so minute in products that it’s very often a non-issue. You could test adding that one back in – it makes your life a lot easier.

Alright, well my fingers are crossed that the food elimination will be your silver bullet to fix all the challenges with G. I’ve seen it work in others so that is my wish for you. You are a resourceful person, clearly. Everyone is different and you’ll figure out what works for you. This too shall pass. Just keep being the rockstar mom and go to whatever measure you need for your peace of mind and sanity.

e.c. February 16, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Agnes VanBuren is a counselor in the Floral Vale office park in Yardley. She’s a down-to-earth mom who drinks wine and compliments appropriately when I am wearing something cute. She also helped me put my sanity back together when i was overwhelmed. Hope your current therapist works out but if you need a 2nd opinion theres plenty of fish in the sea…

Jenn February 16, 2011 at 2:58 pm

I have a friend who dealt with this with her son. She did end up switching to formula, and if you ever decide to do it … it WILL be okay. My daughter has also been of formula since 2 months (because my body refused to produce enough milk, but that’s another story all together). That said, if breastfeeding is what you want … stick with it! You’ll figure out all the things you can and can’t eat. My friend adapted with her son’s diet pretty quickly, and now they barely notice all the things he ‘can’t’ have. Good luck with it! Take heart in knowing that you’re not alone. And, as long as you’re making decisions with your baby’s best interest at heart, they will be the right ones!

Kate February 16, 2011 at 2:58 pm

GOOD LUCK! i think you’ll figure it out soon and it will be SUCH a relief you won’t even miss the candy… too much. Maybe passover candy is soy free? and they starting selling that sort of soon, so stock up!

I read this lady’s blog, and it made me think of you and G’s tummy issues:
http://goodfinking.com/2010/06/22/hes-a-milk-connoisseur/

Kristin February 16, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Ignore the formula comments (though I’ve read your updates)- keep them out of your mind. Glad you guys know what u want. I was desperate to nurse w all of mine & my first was a lame nurser & I gave up when he started losing weight btwn 4-6 m checkup (smart, huh?). The other two kids I have- I connect w better & seriously treasure the time “I” was able to provide for my babe. If it’s one great thing you’ve got going- eliminating will be worth it. Don’t forget acidic stuff (oj, tomatoes) my friend gave up both & her first babe benefitted & is a happy clam now (4yr old).
You are tough & can do it. Even if you eliminate for a year- you’ll find it is worth it! & you might learn some fun recipes/tricks for the future. :)

kelly @Dare to be Domestic February 16, 2011 at 3:10 pm

I know I say this every time I comment but I really mean it: thank you for being so honest and truthful about all you’re going through. I can’t believe how hard this all must be, especially with all the hidden dairy out there! I hope it all gets easier, and for the record I hope you’re right… that I do have an angel… if not I’m coming to you for counseling! oxox

Julie February 16, 2011 at 3:25 pm

Awesome for still wanting to boob feed….more power to ya! I think G is just really trying to test you. He’s probably plotting “What can I do to Mom to completely make her go off the deep end???? Take away milk? Soy? CANDY!?!? MWAH HA HA HA HA!!!!” But just think, because he’s all dramatic and stuff, it must mean your next one will be totally chill and very un-drama because your drama eggs have already been released. Bring on the undrama eggs!

Blair@HeirtoBlair February 16, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Good for you for saying no to formula, & this coming from a momma who strictly formula-fed from Day 1 with a non-dairy non-soy kid.

Because you now what the non-dairy non-soy alternative to breastmilk is? Nutramigen. & it costs $30 per container that will last you about 2.5 days once the kid is over 4 months. Basically, you won’t be able to AFFORD the chocolate you could eat because you’re too broke buying a synthetic corn-based formula for your kid.

Also, Nutramigen smells like moldy Cream of Mushroom soup.

Jenny February 16, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please consider raw milk. I am a farmer and I feed a lot of families from our farm (and with our raw milk). RIght now I have 9 pregnant moms and lots more that are nursing babies that get all their food from us. You don’t have to completely disregard dairy. Your little guy is most likely having a hard time with the store milk/dairy you are consuming. It’s different, trust me. I could drown you in information but here’s not the place. Check these out… http://www.ninaplanck.com/books.html, http://www.westonaprice.org/childrens-health/311-diet-for-pregnant-and-nursing-mothers.html, http://www.raw-milk-facts.com/, and the stories with these pics.. http://www.westonaprice.org/component/rsgallery2/category/1/

PS- I didn’t do all the weird foods with my babies but did do the easy basics, ie raw milk, raw cheese, good meats and good fats.

Nicole February 16, 2011 at 3:57 pm

I’m so sorry to hear that you are banned from the dairy isle indefinitely. But look at the bright side you have Baby G and he is awsome! I started reading your blog a few months before I got pregnant and I’d love that you are being honest about everything. It isn’t easy going through pregnancy for your first time and not knowing what to expect next. Your posts give me some inside information no one else is willing to share, and for that I thank you. Best wishes!

Stacey February 16, 2011 at 4:01 pm

I hear ya on the food thing. Before kids I couldn’t do gluten and dairy. Then after my first I started having issues with soy. Now after my second I can’t do eggs or cane sugar either. On your butter issue – Earth’s Balance does make a soy and dairy free butter but its harder to find. http://www.earthbalancenatural.com/#/products/soy-free/ And there is coconut ice cream that is to die for. http://sodeliciousdairyfree.com/ There is a little bit of hope :) Good luck!

Wildology February 16, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Counselors rock!! …or they can suck. I had to shop around until I met DOUGTHEBESTTHERAPISTEVER. Find your Doug. Sitting face-to-face and spilling your guts can be sosososo life-changing. Maybe not Baby-G changing, but cloud parting perhaps:) Hang in there, babe!

LegallyInsaneMommy February 16, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Counseling is AWESOME. It was the one hour of my life every week where I got to go and sit, withOUT the baby, and talk about me. I could talk about grown up things, baby things, or just whatever I wanted. And she listened. Her chair was so comfortable. I once begged her to let me pay another copay and just nap right there in her office for an hour.

Sarah@grownupnow February 16, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Ha, thanks for the double update, but I’m still slightly terrified. I can’t imagine how you’re doing all of this, and I hope I prove to be as selfless and not-giving-up-ness as you are.

Tricia February 16, 2011 at 4:21 pm

So Emmi has a protein metabolism disorder. What the he’ll does that mean? It means protein poisons her. I fought very hard to keep her off medical formula, but that meant following a super strict diet while she was breastfeeding. And by super strict, I mean NO starbucks non-fat iced white mochas with no whip. I had to deal with all of Emmi’s health problems and hospitilizations with no coffee. Talk about a cruel joke. And she never stopped crying. Although, she hated to be held, so at least I had my hands free. It just pretty much sucked for a while. I would never wish that experience on anyone, and I am sorry to hear that you are going through this.

Also, you should know….Emmi was the most difficult baby I have ever come across. She is now the sweetest, most polite, cuddliest, little angel. When I ask her to do something, she smiles and sweetly says, “Yes Mommy!”. My oldest daughter was a dream baby. She smiled all the time. She slept through the night at two weeks old. She had a laugh like you wouldn’t believe. She is now drama, rolled in moodiness, and sprinkled with attitude. Baby G should be a dream when he is older. :)

Darbi February 16, 2011 at 4:23 pm

One word: TWIZZLERS

Dairy free, soy free, yummy strands of goodness! And they are low fat so you can stuff your face with them and you will be happy, baby G will be happy, and you can still be a skinny b*tch.
By the way, I read you post today and seriously laughed out loud. My co-worker ran down the hall and asked what was so funny. When I told her “MODG’s baby is crazy and so is she”, well, she just didn’t get it. I’m not a mom so I don’t know if you’ll survive, but you have made me seriously rethink this whole kid thing. I think I might double up on the birth control and make the BF sleep on the couch just to be safe. Too bad you can’t call in sick to being a mom.

Maggie February 16, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Rock on with your determined self! Its great that you are committed to bfeeding and F the haters. I had a colicky kid on formula and cannot tell you the number of barely used cans we tossed because we tried EVERY formula under the sun. If a kid is going to be a dramababy, its going to happen whether bfeeding of formula feeding. Huge props on your diet changes and your counseling and sending good vibes your way.

Heather February 16, 2011 at 4:39 pm

just want to say that sucks and i am sorry (i am sure every other comment on this page has already said that…i’m very original) but it is awesome that you are sticking with breastfeeding for him! hope you find a solution soon.

Zizette February 16, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Honey,
I feel for you, I really do. I had some breast feeding issues with my first child so I was more determined than ever to do it with my second. I went to lactation consultants, read books, attended La Leche League meetings, etc. She took to the breast well, I drank the Mother’s Milk tea so I was producing MUCHO. Then it happened. GAS. Pains, crying. My wonderful nanny and baby nurse suggested Gripe Water. Not the crap from Babies r us but the real good stuff from England (they were both from the british west indies so they had it in their neighborhoods). Then I went to Thanksgiving dinner and my sil had those delicious Mozzarella balls from Costco – I could not contain myself. I ate 100. As I ate them I knew the path I was headed to the next day – no dairy. I ate all I could, I was determined and it was ok.
The day after Thanksgiving I gave up dairy. No milk for the cereal. I was drinking the tea so that made not putting it coffee ok since I wasn’t drinking it. I tried soy, are you kidding me? I wanted to barf, not for me. (Today if it happened again and it won’t but if it did I would use almond milk, vanilla flavor courtesy of Trader Joes). I did it for 2 solid months. At first it was hard but it worked, she was happier and her belly adjusted.
I know it sucks but you will get through. Once he feels better, things get easier and you will be fine. Take care.
Zizette

Erin February 16, 2011 at 4:51 pm

I was where you are and around month 4 I cracked. I cut everything and he still wasn’t happy, dairy, caffeine, soy, I was determined by GOD. The breastfeeding was going fine until I realized that everything I touched gave the little man gas and he would scream nonstop for an hr and a half at a time until I had rubbed his belly and bounced him and cried with him etc etc. I was at the end of my rope and I cried for 3 hours until I called the doctor and said what the hell can I give him so he will stop screaming. I knew it meant the end of my breastfeeding but when you have a new baby, a new normal baby 24 hours later from switching to formula that is made from rainbows and unicorns (of this I am convinced, Similac Alimentium). Guess what, he wasn’t happy with being breastfed. It was the hardest decision to make. I cried several days after but he was so happy. He cried when he was hungry or needed sleep…..NORMAL FREAKIN BABY! I understand the need to breastfeed, it is a bonding experience I will not forget and I struggled with it immensely but in the end it is up to you as his mother to decide what is best for him. I know it is a hard one. Do what is right for you and the baby and don’t make yourself miserable in the process is the only advice I can give you.

Staci February 16, 2011 at 5:02 pm

Sooo good for you on the counseling. I tried everything to nurse and went thru some very similar things and I am a lactation consultant for britney’s sake, so when i failed miserably after months, I went to counseling:
me: andijustfeelsobadlikeafailuremomcrycrycyr
therapist: I totally understand, I ate a oatmeal cranberry cookie and I too felt very guilty.
me: really, a cookie?
I wanted to punch him in his cranberry cookie.
I moved on and found someone great, someone better than crack/cocaine so the moral of the story is if Ms. Saucestain isn’t right, there is someone out there and talking was the BEST therapy!!!! Hang in there, you are close to the turning point.

meredith February 16, 2011 at 5:21 pm

i am allergic to both soy and all milk product (and yes, they have all those stupid fancy, tricky, HIDDEN names). And by allergic, i mean, if i eat anything with milk or soy in it, i go into anaphylactic shock, my throat swells shut, my airways close, i turn blue, then die. it sucks and it’s scary.

i’m sorry you’re having to go through this. i can totally relate.

at least you’ll get to go back to milk and soy after you’re done breast feeding!! i’m stuck living without these yummy goodnesses for life!!

hang in there.

Michelle February 16, 2011 at 5:29 pm

I have a 2 year old. I have 6 month old twins. I am a breastfeeding NAZI! But my 6 month old girl is on Enfmail Nutramigen. Holy guacamole, I cried over it, cried over it, sobbed, and wept…but after MONTHS of non-stop “rape screams” as my husband termed them, visits to a pediatric gastro interologist, and watching her writhe around in obvious pain, we decided to ***try**** it for one week. In 3 days the screaming stopped. Then she slept for weeks playing catch up.

* I read your disclaimer. This was just my experience. Looking back I wished I would have put her on it earlier and pumped the milk for her twin brother to have.

Kristen Cleavage (not really. last name's Cleve, but that's what they call me) February 16, 2011 at 5:31 pm

Can I just say I’M SO SORRY! You’re doing the right thing and I think it’s important to talk about the good with the bad. I’m 6.5 months pregnant, by the grace of IVF, and it’s refreshing to hear shit sucks sometimes. I too try to keep it on the real. I hope things start to look up for you. xoxoxo ~K

E @ Oh! Apostrophe February 16, 2011 at 5:33 pm

Thank you for keeping it real on the blog… what a pain to go through, but you deserve a huge huge huge amount of credit for working through it and not just going straight to formula (NOTTHATTHEREISANYTHINGWRONGWITHFORMULA, ahem). Go momma! :)

YazJ February 16, 2011 at 5:40 pm

I had my baby around the same time you did, and I’m also bfeeding. I had the same problems as you. He was SOOOOOOOOOO gassy at night and I barely got to sleep. I did research and thought it could be a dairy problem. Well, it turns out it is EXTREMELY rare for a baby to be lactose intolerant from your breast milk. My problem turned out to be that I was overfeeding him, and I wasn’t burping him enough. You should try to only feed him every 3.5 to 4 hours, and if he wakes up at night between, just give him a pacifier. I was so against pacifier use, but its changed our life! He now sleeps from 9-2, wakes up for a feeding, and sleeps till 6. He isn’t gassy anymore either, because I make it my mission to get a really good burp out of him. Another good idea is to not have a huge meal before you go to sleep. I’ve been eating dinner early. You need calcium in your diet, and its highly unlikely your baby is lactose intolerent. True lactose intolerance in babies results in green poop and really bad diaper rash. Just cut back on dairy products and eat alot more fruits and veggies.

Jeri February 16, 2011 at 5:42 pm

You are so awesome to stand by your ground to breastfeed even though you are having problems. I had such problems the first 4 months with my daughter, she was a horrible latcher I ended up with sore nipples all the time. But finally she figured it out and I nursed her until she was 11 months old and she had breast milk until the week after her first birthday. And you’re right, it is a lifesaver financially also. Plus, all those antibodies that are in there…my daughter has had maybe 2 colds in her almost 3 years and one ear infection. Compared to some children even younger than her…she is so lucky! I’m glad I stuck it out!

Norma February 16, 2011 at 5:43 pm

ummm you need a new counselor…asap. as a psychologist in training, someone who says “let me just jot that down” is full is sh*t. counseling can be AMAZING, but you have to sometimes shop for your counselor :/

Sugar Bostick February 16, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Love, love, love your dedication to baby G. I breastfed and loved it and so applaud all of your efforts. You have a great attitude about all of this and I know it’s been tough. I had to start seeing a counselor when my baby was 2 months old (OMG…that’s the first time I’ve said that to anyone) and I even felt guilty about THAT. Lexapro did wonders, but it’s still tough. You know it will get better and you’re doing all the right things. Seriously, you’re even cooler now than before—I didn’t know that was possible.

Beka February 16, 2011 at 5:56 pm

I am the 2nd oldest of 13 siblings and I feel that this semi-qualifies me to tell you my theory… I believe that every child has a bad stage. For example, I had horrible thrush for years starting when I was a newborn, and was super-easy the rest of my childhood/teen years. My younger brother was a dream baby, calm as could be, and wreaked havoc in his late teens. My sister was a perfect baby, but an atrocious toddler. Why am I telling you this? Maybe you can look forward to an easy, breezy kid later!

Here’s hoping, after giving up candy!

Sara February 16, 2011 at 6:06 pm

OMG- if you EVER need another mom who is like the expert of every baby allergy EVER (because her two kids have them all!) you let me know and I will hook you up with her email/number. Seriously. She’s a stay at home mom and has some pretty awful days so I’m positive you and her would relate. OR if you have specific questions I can ask her for you. She seriously should just go and be a natural doctor. :)

Now me, I didn’t realize until Olivia was 1 that I had post partum depression. Had I effing known that I could take a pill and still functioned… holy man. It would have been faneffingtastic. But no, nobody told me that and Brooke Shields is a slow writer. So after Jackson I was ready with my anti depressants.. and didn’t need them. So go figure.

Jessica February 16, 2011 at 6:08 pm

sI just wanted to say thanks. My daughter was born on Feb 4th. While she is by no means a drama baby, we have recently had some breastfeeding issues. Thanks for keeping it real and helping put things in perspective. Would send an internet hug, but I know that a big glass of wine would be more helpful! Best of luck! Hope things get better!

Renee February 16, 2011 at 6:14 pm

When I couldn’t have dairy I tried the “Rice Dream” brand of rice milk, the vanilla flavor is good. Good luck! You are being such a good mom to G, he is lucky to have you. I cracked up after about the 3 mo mark and finally admitted it to myself and my doctor, you’re not alone. Good job getting help! There is no shame in that, after all the more sane you are the better mom you can be to G.

Ivy February 16, 2011 at 6:15 pm

Ok, so I’ve been a reader/lurker for a while now, and was content to remain that way until I read this post. Cuz mama, I can relate. I have two little boys at home, 4 yr old and a 5 month old. The oldest spoiled me and the hubs…no allergies, didn’t cry a whole lot, loved the pacifier, could hang out in a swing or bouncey chair for some time, yada yada yada. We had a rough start with breastfeeding (milk came in late, he was a sleepy eater, etc.), but he eventually got the hang of it, and had no issues with learning to use the bottle when he eventually had to.

Cut to Aug. 2010 when #2 was born, and it feels like I’ve had to take a refresher course. Yes, in some ways it is easier because I was prepared for engorgement, the sleepless nights, being confined to the house for at least the first few weeks, and so on. But it turned out that #2 had the don’tputmedown disease, didn’t care for the paci much (just starting to like it now though), and had sensitivities that #1 never had. He had mucus and blood in his poop twice, and then for a few weeks, his poop was dark forest green. Oh and he also started getting eczema on his face so I went off dairy and soy (although I’m pretty sure I had some soy protein unknowingly at some points), and that first week was HELL on earth. I love me some cheese and lots of things with dairy, so I felt sad and deprived. I haven’t had pizza or a cheeseburger or yummy ice cream in like forever. But the baby hasn’t had any more poop issues (he does only poop a few times a week, but I’m not complaining), and his skin is almost 100% baby smooth again. So it’s been worth it. I have been working soy milk back into my diet, and have even partaken in baked goods that most def have dairy in them. Baby seems to be fine, so I’m hopeful that I will be able to have some cheese by the time he turns 1 :-D.

So hang in there girl!!! I give you major props for doing everything that you can to make breastfeeding work for you…it isn’t always easy, and food sensitivies/food allergies make it even more complicated.

Amy February 16, 2011 at 6:35 pm

You birthed my baby’s clone (well except mine is a girl)!!!! She slept in 30 min increments, she didn’t cry, she screamed, she refused physical tough from anyone but me, she had projectile vomiting reflux, strange poop, etc… I gave up all allergenic foods and kept nursing cause like you it was the only thing that was working and the only thing that made her happy. Also, switching to formula could have brought on a whole other host of tummy issues which seemed soo overwhelming to deal with on top of the thought of figuring out how to wean a boobaholic. And I was depressed and anxious, go figure. Zoloft is what helped me get through it—and repeating over and over to myself that it will get better—and it does!!!!! I promise, it does.

Also, thank you for writing honestly about this–motherhood isn’t always teddy bears and nursing a baby in soft candlelight while he drifts to sleep in your arms as many of the “mommybloggers” would lead us to believe.

Alexandria Campbell February 16, 2011 at 6:57 pm

unless you & g are like the mother and son i just read about in the book “room” you won’t be nursing him forever. and one day you’ll be able to bathe in milk if you want.

it sucks now i know but don’t give up. don’t stop breastfeeding.

Molly February 16, 2011 at 6:57 pm

The coolest thing about breastfeeding for me is that shot of prolactin every 2 to 3 hours! I’m totally addicted…
Keep it up.

CA February 16, 2011 at 7:05 pm

It gets better. I promise. But good for you for getting help.

Amy L. February 16, 2011 at 7:15 pm

Man. I am sorry to hear this. I hope you’re able to find some things to eat that you love. I applaud you for sticking with the breastfeeding too! Baby G is a lucky little guy to have you.

M February 16, 2011 at 7:37 pm

I’m dairy free due to my little guys sensitive tummy (fortunately didn’t need to cut soy out- its in everything processed). It was hard at first but not so much any more. Coconut or almond ice cream is awesome. Watch out for breads, so many have dairy hidden in them. I do miss pizza the most, there really is no substitute (well there’s amy’s frozen dairy free pizza, and its good, but it’s not pizza pizza). Way to go you for making this sacrifice for your son, you’re an awesome mom, the first 4 months are hard- then it’s AMAZING.

candiedpixie February 16, 2011 at 7:39 pm

MODG, I love you. You keep it real. I’m not pregnant yet, we’re trying but not there yet. I’d rather hear your for real true life stories, than all these other mommy blogs who say OHHH MY KID IS SO AWESOME SHE SLEEPS AND EATS AND NEVER FUSSES. Who wants that? NOT ME. I want real, which I was I choose you. I feel like I need to prepare for the shit, not just live in an imaginary world that is always filled with rainbows and teddy bears.

As for all the people tooting formula’s horn for it having the same benefits, I’m with you MODG. When I eventually have a child I will do anything I can to breastfeed. Not only for the health benefits, but for the bonding. I’m not saying formulas bad, but I agree that it’s a very personal decision & it can be super expensive to use formula, especially if your child has a food allergy.

Please continue with the for real true life mommy stories. I look forward to them. Hopefully one day I can be as awesome a mom as you are. I know sometimes you may not feel like it, but just the fact that you have not run away screaming & are changing your entire diet because of your love for Baby G – that makes you one of the most amazing mom’s ever.

Lisa E February 16, 2011 at 7:47 pm

Oh, I’m so sorry. No one loves milk more than I do, and I gave up dairy for about a year due to my baby’s touchy stomach. I
am able to have small amounts now, and it is the sweet nectar of the gods. But you know what? It was worth it to keep breastfeeding and that’s what’s been my priority. So, good for you! In the grand scheme of things that I would do for him, including throwing myself in front of a train, walking down main street naked, etc., it’s really not that big a deal to nor have milk for a year.

Mandi February 16, 2011 at 7:54 pm

First, I 100% appreciate this post. It is one of the most honest and real things about being a mother and going through the joy of the ever crabby breastfeeding baby with allergies. I BFed my son until he was 18 months old, and 5 weeks in, after all the crying, screaming, bloody poop explosions and blah blah blah, the doctor told me to cut out dairy and soy. Much like you I was devistated. It wasn’t so much the candy for me, but the cheese, oh the flippin’ CHEESE was so unbearably difficult for me to let go of. At 5 weeks post partum, with crying baby strapped in my beco at the doctors office, I balled over cheese. So, I get you. It’s hard, it’s tough, BUT I stuck with it. It took about 3 weeks to see a huge difference in my son, and hopefully the same will happen for Baby G. And honestly, as much as I bitched and moaned for a good month about the diet, seeing my son happy made my lack of cheese semi worth it. Props to you for sticking with it!

marcy February 16, 2011 at 8:00 pm

you are my internet hero. as much as some of your stories terrify me to my very core, i am SO thankful for them. i am staring down the barrel of childbirth in about 3 months and find it hard to believe it’s as EASY as everyone in my world proclaims it to be. thank you for being honest when so many women won’t.

also, you have to give up candy? i literally just teared up in sympathy for you. you are a wonderful mom!

Winn February 16, 2011 at 8:15 pm

I haven’t read all the comments yet (but I will!!!) because there’s like over 90, so forgive me if I’m repetitious.

Agree: Almond Breeze. According to my husband (who is lactose intolerant) it’s the best. My beautiful little boy (also lactose intolerant) won’t take any of the other kinds. It MUST be the best. Don’t try that new Almond Dream crap. It made my son sick. Just fyi.

Me? Also allergic to soy. i’ve been reading labels for years, and it DOES get easier. At least G’s not allergic to tree nuts and corn (like me) too, because there are no foods made without corn. Just saying. (Knock on wood for you guys!!!! Hope I didn’t jinx you!)

I went to a counselor too as a (relatively) new mom. I got stuck with a nurse who had taken some counseling courses. The damn lady didn’t want to talk to me or listen to me b*tch and moan; she wanted me to read websites on Emotional Freedom Technique crap. As a therapist myself, I was appalled. Useless! Find someone good. And don’t let anyone try to get you with that Emotional Freedom crap. It’s a fad. Real talking and listening cannot be replaced.

There IS candy without soy in it. I’ll find some and mail it to you. It may not be GOOD but it will be CANDY!

Shaina February 16, 2011 at 8:21 pm

Hey Amanda,
I haven’t commented in awhile but I have been SO damn impressed with your ability to keep it real on the blog. So many new mommies I know seem to just shit rainbows and pink puffy hearts about how awesome and easy it is to be a mom, and I think we all know that it can be quite the opposite. As a non-mommy, I have a lot of mommy ideas that I feel strongly about, and one of them is breastfeeding – so I’m glad you’re sticking with it, even though it means you will be suffering. Going dairy and soy-free sounds incredibly challenging, but I also know a few other moms who had to go through it. The good news is that there IS an end to it, even though it’s way far away right now.
Also, as a mental health professional, I am SO proud of you that you’re going to see a therapist! Give her time to be affective, and give yourself time to form a meaningful relationship with her. I am of the school of thought that EVERYONE should be in therapy – I mean, who doesn’t want an hour or so a week to just sit and talk about ME ME ME? It’s really, for lack of a better word, therapeutic, and I hope she can help get you through some of this stuff.
And on that note, I will finish up world’s longest comment by saying that you are an awesome mom, and baby G is so so lucky to have you!
xxoo
Shaina

Jess February 16, 2011 at 8:42 pm

This comment may get lost in the shuffle but I’ll try anyway…..

I am a huge supporter of breast feeding and had great success with my daughter. She also had the crazy gas so in addition to doing the drops (it was never bad enough to totally switch my diet) we started doing her “exercises”.
My husband loved doing it and it always seemed to help push out the gasies and make her more comfy.

Basically, we would lay her on her back and do arm circles and leg circles. The “mini-crunches” were the best: we would straighten and bend her legs (with the knees to the belly) to get the tummy moving and push the gas out.
Sounds silly, but she loved it. Alsu, my hubby was better than me, I guess it’s the firmer guy touch!

Corinne February 16, 2011 at 8:52 pm

Someone way way way at the top mentioned almond milk….that stuff is amazing. Mix in a little bit of Splenda if you can/need a bit of a sweet taste.

Baby G will be more comfortable someday. And totally give him hell for it when he’s living on his own or getting ready to have his own kids! You can tell him ahead of time that his kiddos may be wonderful little terrors and have the Internet proof to back it up!

Lisa February 16, 2011 at 9:26 pm

MODG, I originally found your blog when you posted it on the December 2010 birth club on babycenter a super long time ago. So yeah, I’ve got a December baby too. And Baby P is Baby G’s soulmate, another charming little exception to the rule that is a screaming, crazy, mom-hostage-making, adorable little beastie of a lady baby. Their future child would be diabolical. I read your posts and think, “Thank god I am not the only one who didn’t get a cooing little squirt I could take anywhere.” We love our babies, but it sucks ass that they have to be so much more difficult than we’d ever imagined. It IS hard! I am clinging to the shred of hope that they will grow out of this. I hear that 8 weeks is the peak of fussiness. Baby P is 8 weeks as of yesterday. Fingerscrossedfingerscrossedfingerscrossed. Wishing us both babies that grow out of this ASAP and turn into the charming little babes we deserve. Email me if you want to commiserate and compare milestones of shit like going 5 minutes without freaking the fuck out. xoxo

Lisa February 16, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Oh, and Coconut Bliss ice cream is the shit. It’s definitely dairy and soy free and you can find it pretty easily in stores. EAT IT. http://www.coconutbliss.com/

KimB February 16, 2011 at 11:02 pm

Keep it up…its not forever. I gave up dairy / soy / peanuts / egg / fish … and something else, I forget now – for 4 months. It was soooo hard, but so worth it. Sometimes their little bodies just aren’t developed enough and have intolerances to certain foods. My uncle is a pediatric allergist and said that a true allergy is very uncommon. He recommended I cut everthing out for a few months, then add things back in slowly. Once I cut everything out – it was amazing how quickly she changed. She was no longer fussy, colicky (sp), slept better, and was just a happier baby. I applaud you for continuing to breastfeed, its not an easy task to give up everything!!! Hang in there….this won’t last forever! And please know, whenever you do decide to stop breastfeeding – its okay! Hang in there MODG! Foods that saved me – 98% fat free orville kettle korn and diet coke….

eileen marie February 16, 2011 at 11:29 pm

Oh, MODG, I guess you couldn’t expect any less than a drama-baby. That’s not to say you deserve all the trouble that G is serving up. I completely understand your desire and sacrifices to breastfeed. You have kinda scared the beeJesus out of me about having a kid sort of (which we’re about to start trying to do).

E from CA February 16, 2011 at 11:36 pm

Do you have a big exercise ball? I sit and bounce in it with my december baby boy. It seems to hypnotize him and is a break from the shush dance/walking. I also just found out like u did that moby thing works, and I wish I knew sooner cause this is my 2nd baby. Also I had “prom” and disappointing (heartbreaking) first time delivery and blamed myself to for not being more informed etc, but its not your fault and u do the best u can. Hang in there, all the hard stuff is so hard but u will never believe how much happiness blissful moments of loving that child are in store for u! Yes its worth it as I think u know already. Love this blog!

Heather@MamaSass February 16, 2011 at 11:45 pm

Even though you have to drop the dairy & soy, GOOD for you for sticking it out. It’s really hard at first, but you can do it! And over time, it’ll get easier. Promise.
How’s that for a pep talk?
I won’t get on my breastfeeding soapbox. Today, at least. But know that you are doing the very best thing for G and your sacrifices will pay off big time for him later on.
(insert orange kitty hang in there poster here)

Becs February 17, 2011 at 12:05 am

First, I know how hard it is to be a new mom (my son just turned 1), and I can only imagine how hard it is to give up dairy and soy. I all but live on milk. I wanted to thank you for being brave enough to tell the world that you are going to a counselor. My husband and I have been talking about this for me for months now, and it hasn’t happened because I haven’t really wanted to. I worry that it somehow makes me a bad mom to not be able to take everything in stride. I really REALLY appreciate you talking about it. And, for what it’s worth, I know it sucks now, but they get to be pretty cool little creatures. Hang in there. The way I see it, if you’re together enough to write this blog, you rockin it.

meg February 17, 2011 at 8:10 am

Hooray for getting the help you feel you need, and also for being honest about it. You rock. For reals. And please don’t be afraid to therapist shop–as a non-sauce stained (and 17 weeks pregnant) therapist (who has also pursued therapy) I can tell you without a doubt that some relationships work better than others, so find the person who works for you. (Hint: they may have blue highlights…)

hugs from far away.

Kelly February 17, 2011 at 8:57 am

I first have to say how much I love your blog. I know this is creepy, but I get excited to see you have posted something new….no, I’m not a stalker.

I feel for you – no, I REALLY, REALLY feel for you. I went through the same thing with my twin boys. While breastfeeding I found that they had a reaction to milk products that I consumed. So, for a couple weeks, I did the whole no diary/soy diet. I had a really hard time, because EVERYTHING has milk in it. You may know this, but Oreos and Nature’s Valley granola bars do not have milk or soy products in them.

Also, your son’s symptoms sound just like one of my son’s. I tried everything to get him to stop screaming. Take him outside…sounds weird, but the temperature change does something to babies. He was diagnosed with acid reflux, so he is on medication (another thing I don’t recommend for all babies).

I hope this gets better for you. I honestly felt during that time, that it was NEVER going to get better, and that I would never sleep again…but things change. Things get better – promise.

Ashley February 17, 2011 at 9:06 am

MODG:

I read your blog often and find it hilarious. As a mom of two little ones, I must say that there has been more than one tough mom day that your blog has been a bright spot in my morning. So, from one mom to another, I am going to offer you the best advice I can from own experiences. Like your sweet baby G, my first little girl (we’ll call her M) was a challenging peanut. She was in the NICU for days, hospitalized for a week after birth due to complications and the beast that is colic followed. I was a new mom at that point and much like yourself found myself overwhelmed looking for any way to make my baby less sad and just get through the 3-4 months that we had to live with the condition. Some things that worked to a certain extent for us: The happiest baby on the block, a miracle blanket at night (really did buy us some prolonged sleep- when I say prolonged- maybe we got 3-4 hour stretches of sleep instead of 1-2), and for me TONS of reality television.

I also breastfed (and still breastfeed my second baby) and it was very important to me. I was committed to the process and could not let go of it. Baby M had tons of gas, pulled off crying at times and often I wondered if the combination of these things meant that my breastmilk was the culprit. I read the internet, medical books and spoke with the pediatrician’s office as well as multiple nurses and my lactation consultant. She explained to me that in her experience with her twins what she ate really did not matter at the end of the day. She told me I should give myself permission to eat and drink what I wanted (to a certain extent). As you said in your post, you are already giving everything and it just seems like you can’t not eat too. (Plus your baby needs you to be able to consume a well-balanced diet for healthy breastmilk). While there are a lot of folks out there that think if you alter your food intake, you can solve the problems, many times this is not the case. Despite everyone’s advice, I did try to remove things from diet and like the consultant, it did not change anything. (There is a difference when a baby has a milk allergy and if that is the case then I do feel sorry for you guys) If you remove some things and it is not helping, I say eat what you want- at least you can have that.

Some moms with colicky babies say that gripe water is helpful. Unfortunately, the biggest thing that helps is time. I also used to feel better if I bundled my little one and went to the mall where I walked her continuously in her stroller and shopped. Admittedly, there will still be some crying but I found that the movement of the stroller was helpful for baby M and I felt much better getting out the house where I was surrounded by things like adult people (you know pretend mall friends who say things like can I put these things in a dressing room and would you like your decaf nonfat sugar free vanilla latte in a grande or venti?), Nordstrom (which in addition to having fabulous clothes, shoes and accessories has a great mother’s room/women’s area for breastfeeding in semi-private) and other stores, great food options, and the friendly smiles of mothers of other younger children. You do not know how many times while baby M wailed like an ambulance siren that some nice mommy told me that she had been there and it was okay if baby M cried.

I wish you the best of luck. You have my email- feel free to shoot me a note if you are having one of those “this is never going to get better and I need something for me” moments. I commiserate and know how you feel. (The good news- by 4-5 months, baby M was a happy baby with less gas and other issues who cried very rarely. Secondly, baby girl #2 is a genuinely happy girl who really only cries when she needs something or during her fussy period in the evening.) It will get better. I promise you!

Best,

Ashley

amanda February 17, 2011 at 9:20 am

i think SG sent you over the edge this weekend. just sayin :)

jules February 17, 2011 at 9:35 am

Oh, MODG! I’m confident this will be the answer to DramaBabes distress! I can’t begin to imagine how exhausting this must be for you, but I’m thinking mega positive thoughts and hoping that no milk or soy for you, will result in a super content Gavin! I’m routing for you guys! I bet your almost out of the woods! (And not that you need it because you already look fab, but you’ll get the extra skinnies, so there’s that!)

pam February 17, 2011 at 9:46 am

Props to you for being a great Mom. I have been through babyhood 3 times. It is hard, but not forever. I respect your choice of breast feeding. Poor Baby G is not rejecting you but just can’t tolerate “something” in your boob juice. Formula is not the end of the world. If he is hurting it might make him feel better. And when he feels better YOU are gonna be a whole lot happier!

liz February 17, 2011 at 9:51 am

just wanted to let you know what my baby’s GI doctor told me…..it can take a couple of weeks for the dairy and soy proteins to get out of your system so give it some time, like weeks! also, he said most babies that have sensitivities grow out of them as the lining of the stomach matures, close to 6 months. i have been doing the no dairy/soy thing for months now. i dream of milkshakes that are not my own. when this year is over, i plan on throwing a dairy party where we will eat pizza and drink mudslides and there wont be anything there that isnt a dairy product except ME! and my husband will very soon be getting a vascectomy ;) cause while i love my baby, i do not want to do this again!!

Lluvia February 17, 2011 at 10:53 am

I’m glad you are doing all you can to continue breastfeeding the baby! Don’t give up! I can’t suggest anything. I was unable to breastfeed mine, so I had go with formula. I was lucky Emma was an easy baby and had no reactions to whatever I put in her mouth, compared to what you’re going through with baby G. My kid puts everything in her mouth, and so far, we have been ok. I have to keep an eye on her all the time, though. Just the other day, I saw a pearl-like button that was one in her shoe, in her poop!! The important thing is that it came out!\

Keep going with the BF. And yes, you’re allowed to bitch all you want! :-)

Lluvia February 17, 2011 at 10:55 am

And yes, formula is expensive!! We used to buy the $30 boxes and she would go through one of those in less than a week!!!

Aja February 17, 2011 at 11:17 am

I haven’t read all your comments, so sorry if someone has already suggested this.. but have you tried the vacuum or hair dryer for G when he’s screaming uncontrollably? Seriously. Shuts our little girl up immediately. My husband read something about a vacuum being the only thing loud enough/similar to the noise of the womb. Whatever. It works. Also, I would look into probiotics for you and G.. you can take a pill like Acidophilius and they have powder probiotics for him that you can put on your nipple or let him suck off your finger. It’s all good for digestive health, which is what all this colic business is about. Check a health food store. I think it’s really helped. Good luck!

Danielle February 17, 2011 at 11:32 am

For us, it was tomatoes. My baby girl was a night-time terror for the first six weeks of her life. And, then I realized that we were eating pizza, lasagna and spaghetti for dinner every night because it was easy. Once I completely cut out tomatoes and other acidic foods, she became a happy little lady.

Ashley February 17, 2011 at 11:47 am

I feel normal when I read your blog. Thank you for posting your true experience as a mom, because I too have learned that not all babies are sunshine and rainbows! My son just started the screaming-uncontrollably-as-soon-he-is-put-down this week, the exact week our duplex neighbors moved in!

miss bee February 17, 2011 at 11:53 am

i just became lactose intolerant in the past six months and i feel your pain. as a heads up, because i didnt realize this until i ate half a bag last week – THERE IS MILK PRODUCT IN OIL AND VINEGAR POTATO CHIPS. asodigawoiuealksdg in the motherducking potato chip.

i will also suggest the So Delicious Coconut Milk ice cream in place of candy. the chocolate flavor has agave syrup and carob or something. i dont know, but it’s hippie and milkless (and i am 97% sure it’s soyless).i think they have some coupons online.

Ashely February 17, 2011 at 11:57 am

The positive side is I bet you will get super skinny from giving up all that good stuff!
I wouldnt give up breastfeeding either- It is important to me too. Keep up with it- one day that little stinker will know how much you sacrificed for him, and he better make it up to you!

brianne February 17, 2011 at 11:58 am

It is awesome to see someone posting about the truth in motherhood. YES having a baby is amazingawesomeloveyness. But is it sunshine and rainbows and restful, and enjoyable?! NO. Not hardly. I’m a mom with #4 on the way, and I’ve been there. And obviously it’s worth it, because I’m going there for the fourth time. FOURTH FREAKING TIME! {I won’t lie, sometimes I wonder what the heck I was thinking.} But like I said, it is worth it. And you will look back at these posts one day and laugh. And then have G read them and rub his nose in them when he’s a teenager and asking you why you make his life hell. {PS} GO YOU for continuing to breastfeed. Honestly it’s those quiet, bonding moments, that got me through the tough ones. Plus it kind of made me feel like a super hero. I single-handedly provided nourishment for another human being. I mean, that’s some sci-fi stuff right there.

C February 17, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Forgive me, I didn’t read all the comments. My word, there were a lot of comments! But I did scan a few. I agree with almond milk and coconut milk. It took me some getting used to because I was a non-fat dairy drinker, but this stuff is more the consistency of whole milk, but you do get used to it, and I actually like it now. Also Daiya cheese melts like the real stuff, so it is a good faker ingredient. I hate it unmelted though. From my short experience as a vegetarian, I did find that meals that tried to fake the non-veggie version were kind of crappy. You end up missing the eal stuff too much.
My other suggestion is to check out some vegan cookbooks online/at the library/etc. These should all be dairy free, and many are soy free as many vegans realize that an overload of soy is bad for you. You might at least get some decent recipes out of it and no longer feel you are giving up everything, which I don’t know if that is how you feel, but I think it would be how I feel. A vegan friend of mine uses Aicia Silverstone’s cookbook and loves it. Might be worth a shot?
I am so happy you are so honest with everything. I am having a ptential dramababy in July and the happy-go-lucky-everything-is-wonderful mom blogs kind of make me feel like I am ill prepared.
Also, kudos for seeing a counselor. I was embarrassed to see one when I went, but man, they an do wonders to your mental health.
Keep us posted on how everything goes. we are all rooting for you!

Kaela February 18, 2011 at 9:33 am

Oh MODG. My heart seriously goes out to you. I actually just went and had a twenty minute conversation with my bakey friend and tried to come up with something sweet to send you. She couldn’t come up with anything and so I googled. Can you have almond milk maybe? I don’t know what that consists of so maybe that’s a dumb suggestion. I read your other post on how you’re doing the total elimination diet, I hope you are able to pinpoint the problem and get back to eating the foods you like.

Do you have anyone helping you? Like relatives that live close and are smart enough to just come to your house and force you into a bubble bath with a glass of wine that you can later pump out later and they’ll just take turns jiggling the little guy for a few hours? I REALLY wish I lived in the same state, as I would totally kidnap Dramababy for a few hours to give you a break. I know he only wants you, but at some point he’s going to have to learn to get over it.

It’s also my personal belief that there are very few people out there who couldn’t benefit from a little counseling. I’m amazed it’s actually taken you this long. You are strong woman and you will get through this, and it’s not something to feel guilty over to take time for yourself. It’s not only something YOU need, it’s something the baby needs – because you’ll be a better mother in the long run if you model taking good care of yourself and making yourself happy.

I really wish you the best of luck and can’t wait until the storm breaks and you get some peace. And cheese.

Heather H February 18, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Hi MODG,
First, you’re truly amazing because you keep at it. And at the end of the day that’s what all of us Mom’s do (the good ones and you are definitely in that club)… just keep at it. My son was violently allergic to milk and soy too and I ended up resorting to the uber expensive formula and that solved the problem. Use that as a last resort though and keep up with the breastfeeding. Just after I gave birth to my son some crazy old nurse told me redheads have more troubel nursing and I knew instantly that a) there is no way that could be true science and 2) she was definitely a crazy old witch. But, I heard it and I kept thinking about it and I gave up on the breastfeeding and I NEVER EVER should have given up. I’m keeping my fingers, toes, and legs crossed that the milk/soy fast will work miracles. And, at about a year old he grew out of the allergy and we now have zero problems. One thing to keep in mind should Baby G every go to a daycare that provides food… be extra militant that they know about the milk/soy thing!! I won’t even go into the issues I had with that!! I’m sending lots of ‘Atta girl!” and “Chin up!” thoughts your way but know that you are doing an AMAZING job with Baby G. ~~Heather H.

Christine February 19, 2011 at 11:24 am

yea for you! (for sticking with breastfeeding).don’t be so hard on yourself. the mommy guilt can seriously be a huge downer. I have to tell you, you are one unselfish mom to do all you are doing and give up what you are giving up to feed your baby. I don’t know if I could do that. I breastfed my first son for a little over 18months and my 2nd for 12 months. I didn’t even know if I would bf when I had them, it just came so easy and naturally for me. Don’t give it up no matter what people tell you. My friends that had colicky, gassy babies gave up bfing and their babies still cried all the time. from what i remember, they started getting a lot easier around 4 months or so.
Also, my boys NEVER got an ear infection, hardly ever got sick and my oldest has only been on an antiobiotic twice and he is almost 6. I have some friends whose kids stay on antibiotics.
I also gave my 2nd son formula with no guilt at all! He was breastfed until 12 months, but if I ran out of pumped milk, etc. I gave him formula and he did fine. I used to be so judgy before my 2nd son was born, but i’ve learned (never say never!) when you’re a mom!

christine February 19, 2011 at 11:48 am

Just posted above. I just thought about something I wanted to mention in case it ever happens to you. Even though I bf’d my babies exclusively, I started my period back at 4 months w/ first son, 3 months with 2nd. I didn’t know it was even coming (my period) but my milk supply just vanished like “poof” it was gone. I was so upset b/c I had always had a huge supply of milk. I called my sis (bfeeder expert :) and she told me to just keep on feeding him. He was so mad b/c he wasn’t getting much at all. I mean my boobs looked like deflated balloons. So the next day I started my period and my milk supply was really low for a couple of days and then it went right back to normal a few days later. I actually had more b/c I had been feeding him so frequently during that time. Just wanted you to be aware if that happens all of a sudden.
SPRING is coming and with that you will feel so much better!

daisyduke February 20, 2011 at 10:53 am

I’ve nothing to add here except the decisions you’re making and the sacrifices as a result are amazing. You are such a great mom, right off the bat. You must be exhausted beyond belief and still, willing to do what it takes for your baby. You’re funny and sparkly but you’re also a really strong woman. G is very lucky to have you. Very.

Holly February 20, 2011 at 11:30 am

I’m sooo proud of you for doing everything you can to breastfeed! Breastfeeding is such a sacrifice but totally worth it! Don’t worry too much about the dairy and soy. Dairy is the devil food and soy isn’t much better. Research dairy(Love Skinny Bitch), seriously, it’s nasty. Almond milk rocks, Rice Dream Ice Cream is yum. You don’t need that pus filled crap in your diet! You can do it, dairy free MODG!

Elizabeth February 20, 2011 at 8:55 pm

Wow, I had to scroll down forever to even comment, so I’m sure you won’t even be reading this. Anyway, stumbled on your blog after seeing your cute nursery on ohdeedoh. Love it (the blog and nursery!). I have a three month old and can SO IDENTIFY with lots of what you’ve said, minus the colic. Can’t imagine dealing with that…hope things get better soon! I can identify with listening to Hypnobabies so much I felt like I was having an affair with the soothing voice lady, only to end up with a c-section. Yuck. But anyway, keep up the breastfeeding. Nothing like it. I second the almond milk :) Take care and keep writing!

sheridan french February 21, 2011 at 12:15 pm

It’s been about a year and a half since I read your blog – really…last time I read you were in San Francisco and childless and not even married I don’t think… – BUT here is why: I had two babies (one is 19 months and another is 5 weeks), and started a business and my own blog. So I know you understand the lack of time left to do previously very important things like read MODG daily. Forgive.

I am so happy I decided to head over here again last night (while pumping…multitasking bueno) and came across this post. Let me say first: being a mom is the HARDEST job in the world, especially when it’s your first. I was convinced I had ruined my life after my son was born. I was flipping out, crying all the time (ALL the time), and pretty much spitting pea soup everywhere Exorcist style. Like I said I haven’t read your previous baby posts/comments on them so I’m sure everyone has already told you all of this already, but you are doing an amazing job. I mean blogging with an infant is a feat in itself let alone just making sure they don’t die! Now that I have baby #2 I am back in the newborn game again and once more it is total insanity. Two under two is complete chaos on a good day. Baby girl has been a tough baby too – lots of gas, crying, constipation, etc. which kills me, and I also dealt with lack of milk and nursing issues to go along with that, and therefore sleep issues for both of us. This is what I did and it solved my problems so might be worth a try:

- I switched to a Paleo diet. My husband has been eating that way for years but I just could never get fully on board because I like my bread. BUT when I was having so many issues with nursing, milk etc. I figured it couldn’t hurt. Go buy The Paleo Solution on amazon.com – I’d send it to you in a heartbeat if I had your address I swear! I have given it to pretty much everyone I know now. In a nutshell, Paleo is short for Paleolithic aka caveman…meat, poultry, fish, veg, nuts and fruit. No grains, rice, legumes, flour, sugar, dairy, soy. There are great recipes for muffins, granola, pancakes, etc. to get you through, and coconut or almond milk, almond butter and more importantly chocolate almond butter!!! You can do it.
- When I was still nursing, I started pumping after her 3 morning feedings and have lots of extra milk now. Great for storage.
- I rented a breast pump from the hospital – Medela Symphony – and instead of pumping 2 ounces with my Medela Freestyle I get at least 5 now. It is amazeballs.
- I agree about not switching to formula. Breast milk is best by 100 miles. I got frustrated that my daughter wasn’t nursing for more than 4 minutes (total, not each side, but half the problem was that my son would throw hot wheels at us the whole time) and therefore eating every 1.5 hours, so I switched to pumping full time. Very very hard, but less stress for me and I am not as overwhelmed. If you end up doing this, I tried 6 different types of bottles to try to help her tummy as she was so gassy and constipated, and Dr. Brown’s with the vent system are the BEST. She was like a new child after I used these!!!
- Baby Wise. Another great book that we did with our son from week 2 on, and I just started with our daughter a few days ago at week 5 – she just wasn’t ready and I wasn’t either. My son was going 8 hours at night by week 12. I was not as strict as they call for but the principles are great for a foundation.

I promise: it gets better. It will get great. And then the next day you’ll cry again and then it’s great again. Hang in there! Now that I have an infant again I will be mixing in more baby stuff on my blog if you ever want “support” that way – it’s just nice to hear other moms are going through the same things. Your son is absolutely precious by the way. Call me when teething starts….I’ll send you some tequila.

- Sheridan
(http://sheridanfrench.blogspot.com)

Stacie February 21, 2011 at 7:53 pm

Just wanted to say “I’m proud of you.” Which is weird, because I am not some 65 year old woman who is childless and looking to adopt you. Nope. I am just a 32 yr old girl who is in the midst of nursing child #2. Thankfully child #2 is nursing easier than child #1 EVER THOUGHT ABOUT. But girl how I feel your pain. I seriously called child #1 Satan the first year of her life. Because it was true. She was Satan. I sort of loved/hated her a bit. I hate to admit that because I only love/major love her to pieces now. But that first year with her was just BRUTAL. She and Baby G had much in common. All did she was scream. And her scream could stop traffic. Turns out she was allergic to milk. (Which she got through me.) Now, it took my dumbass 9 months to figure that out but I was in such a zombie coma that I am actually surprised I figured out at 9 months.
When I have a down day and want to switch to formula because my 2 year old is hitting me in the face and my 4 month old is biting the nipple that feeds him…..I repeat over and over “Good Health is the best gift I can give my children.” And so I breastfeed another day. Today I actually nursed him at the park on a play date which I am TOTALLY AGAINST (I have a major case of scareds of nursing in public but it was total desperation.) And you know what, three other mothers turned around and pointed and laughed at me. I should have shot milk in their eyes. So, if it isn’t low supply or elimination diet problems, it is other mean moms!
Seriously, hang in there. When the good times finally come around for you and Baby G, think of how much more you will appreciate them now! :-)

Janci February 25, 2011 at 2:44 am

Four words … coconut milk ice cream!

It’s good, and at least one salvation while going through all this!! I TRULY admire your perseverance, you’re an amazing mama for hanging in there and continuing to give your baby the good stuff!! Breastfeeding can be crazy in the beginning (I dealt with thrush for a month OUCHOUCHOUCH!!!!!!) but once you settle in and get over the huge hump it’s amazing. I have a few other mama friends who’ve had to go dairy and soy free as well. I hear/read that you can try re-introducing at 4 and 6 months to see if baby is still sensitive. Often times their digestive systems mature and they’re able to handle dairy/soy after that and supposedly you’ll be able to tell right away?? Just trying to give you some light at the end of this tunnel!! Keep on keepin’ on!
Janci

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