Can you marry a Jesus and then give birth to one also? Or does it skip a generation, like twins?

My birthday is on Friday. I’m going to be 30. Dirty thirty. The good news is that I’m distracted by another upcoming birthday. Jesus’ Plankton’s. You know, I’m pretty convinced as I told you that he’s going to be born on Christmas, making him a front runner for some Jesus preferential treatment, like free trips to the moon and his own reality show. But I’ll admit, some comments that were left the last time I talked about Jesus stuff hurt my heart and I felt less sure about Plankton’s future.

Then someone made me feel MUCH better.

A very loyal reader of MODG and supporter of all that I say and do:

**B’s mom**


Yep my mother in law came to my rescue and put something in the mail for me. Like regular mail with stamps and stuff. I opened the envelope and saw THIS:

Do you even know what you’re looking at? That’s baby B with mom and dad AS JESUS. Are you putting this all together folks? We’re talking double generations of Jesus. THAT HAS TO MEAN SOMETHING AWESOME. Also this isn’t just like a regular nativity scene. This one made the papers BECAUSE IT’S REAL. But it looks like B isn’t so sure about this whole thing. I’ve seen that side eye from him before when too many packages show up at the front door at one time. Side eye isn’t very holy B.

See, B’s mom saw my wannabe Christmas card and she was like, go forth with the family legacy Amanda. Go forth.

There was a 2nd picture included. This one is my favorite because B’s dad is all “when can we leave and watch the game?” He’s even trying to check his imaginary blackberry for the score, except unsuccessfully, mostly because it’s 1979 and back then, people didn’t check fruit for scores.

So on this Thanksgiving eve let’s give thanks for the following:
1) B’s parents were hot. Making B hot and hopefully a hot Plankton. That is if I don’t F it up first with my own hairy chromosomes.

2) I have married a Jesus and will be hopefully birthing one too. Hoping at least to get some good discount codes out of it, if not some cereal marshmallows (mention of the day). Which I’ll share with all of you.

3) Jesus has come around and has really helped me forge ahead in Nursery Wars. Although let’s all remember the lessons of the last contest and we don’t count our chickens before the votes are hatched. Just don’t count chickens. It’s weird. Or something. So if you haven’t voted yet, please do. It’s the last day!

VOTE FOR INTO THE WOODS… Jesus has your back.

Have a great Thanksgiving my birthday.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

POSTED IN: Awesome things,B,babies,pregnant stuff


Jennah November 24, 2010 at 7:14 am

omg B looks exactly like his father!

Beckles November 24, 2010 at 7:24 am

So your birthday is on Black Friday? That’s definitely a sign from God. Go forth and shop for Jesus. Have a happy Thanksgiving!

Andrea November 24, 2010 at 7:41 am

Is B’s dad Dr. Oz????

Cindy November 24, 2010 at 10:56 am

hahaha! awesome.

Kaye November 26, 2010 at 1:32 pm

Dr. Oz comment for the win!

Natalie November 24, 2010 at 8:15 am

B looks JUST like his Dad..

My first kid was born right around Christmas (many years ago).. And the best advice I can give you- enjoy all the holiday food. Sit at Thanksgiving & eat til your fat little pregnant heart is content. And if you make it to xmas day, do it again.
It was my favorite part of the entire pregnancy.

Zak November 24, 2010 at 12:57 pm

This is so true. I was pregnant with my daughter over Thanksgiving and Christmas and I ate so much, it was heaven. We went to a buffet for Thanksgiving at a fancy hotel in California and I am pretty sure I ate an entire smoked salmon by myself. (Mercury and all that stuff be damned, it was delicious.) My family was literally sitting around waiting on me to finish eating so we could go home. One of the hotel workers made me a little doggie bag in case I got hungry in the car.

Clearly this was a high point in my life.

And this post really is making me believe in the magic of Jesus.

Ofjonesfame November 24, 2010 at 8:33 am

Oh la la, B’s parents are SMOKIN’!

:( won’t let me vote on my iPhone and my POS lap top is broke. DONT WORRY AMANDA, I will go allllll the way to my mom’s house (next door, I know, bite me) and use her’s to vote my behind off.

Let’s get it on, (in the nursery war way and not the Al Green way)


Kaela November 24, 2010 at 9:36 am

Happy Birthday Amanda, and have a wonderful Thanksgiving with all your Jesuses.

Cindy November 24, 2010 at 10:07 am

I check for an update every single day because 1) you crack me up, and 2) I like Jim Carrey (lol)… but I hope you are done with the Jesus stuff soon. :|

Happy Thanksgiving! My birthday is next Wednesday, my Sagittarius sistah!


Veronica November 24, 2010 at 10:20 am

I know it’s already been said, but I must say, as soon as I saw B’s Dad, I knew it was B’s Dad, even before reading it because TWINS!

And, isn’t it sad that an awful lot of religious people have NO sense of humor. Even people who supposedly love you and comment to that effect and then say to stop talking about Jesus. Sad. If you love MODG, you love her as she is.

Brittany November 24, 2010 at 10:22 pm

That last paragraph is true times a million. I used to have a religious stick up my butt, when I was young & had Catholicism shoved down my throat by means of Catholic School on a daily basis. Then I transferred to public school & it was like an epiphany & I realized I was a snotty bitch. Now, my religion is bordering on barely there & non-existent & I just want to slap some humor on these people.

MODG, continue on with the Jesus talk all you want because you are fantabulously(is that even a word?) hilarious & we love you. For the rest of the biatches, if you don’t like then only read the posts that don’t mention Jesus. KTHX.

michelle November 24, 2010 at 10:37 am

well my birthday is today so from one thanksgiving baby to another happy birthday and here’s wishing you get your very own christmas miracle jesus baby :)

Brittany Anne November 24, 2010 at 11:15 am

umm i voted, and i also vote for you that package C is the least lame and gives you the most bene’ies… My mom’s birthday is today so thanksgiving is always revolving around her thank you for stealing her thunder… it make me smile and shoot glitter out of my pores YAY… and ps plankykins can absolutely be jesus too, why the heck not follow in dads footsteps!

AlexandraL November 24, 2010 at 11:35 am

how can you be unsure of plankton’s superstar future? he is going to be the sparkliest jesus baby there ever was, obv. no offense to old school jesus or anything. also, b = b’s dad. plankface has some good lookin’ genes between y’all! happy black friday birthday… built-in excuse to shop, and b can’t argue that.

Becky Mochaface November 24, 2010 at 11:50 am

It is destined. Or written. Or both. I don’t know. But either way you’re totally giving birth to a Jesus.

ms lollygagger November 24, 2010 at 1:20 pm

Happy early b-day! Thanks for always cracking me up. P.s. Your blog is “rated R” and blocked at my work.

KMW November 24, 2010 at 5:12 pm


See, Jesus reconsidered after seeing that news clipping of B and your reminder to him that Plankton is the next one in line for all that is good and sparkle holy. I think this is his way of passing the torch to the next generation.

lilliebean November 24, 2010 at 6:18 pm

Dude, I agree. Birthday on black friday? SIGN SIGN SIGN! as long as planky doesn’t get hurt in the rush, of course!

He will be the most beautiful christmas baby EVERRRR.

sparkle hearts

Eunice November 24, 2010 at 7:49 pm

Dude, I have looked at this post more times than I’m willing to admit today. That picture of baby B Jesus is freaking amazing. I’m all about things Jesus(or Jeezus) related. Especially Black Jeezus. I found him at Wal-Mart one year and I’m still mad at myself for not buying him:

Happy birthday, Amanda!

Kaye November 26, 2010 at 1:35 pm

Go to New Orleans, there are black Jesus’s EVERYWHERE!

Brittany November 24, 2010 at 7:59 pm

All I can say is that B’s mom is made of awesomeness. And congratulations for creating the best nursery ever & winning the contest!

betty November 24, 2010 at 8:09 pm

omg, i just saw you won the contest–CONGRATULATIONS!! Plank’s nursery is so creative and original, I would never be able to come up with something like that. Enjoy basking in all the glory, Go MODG!!

Sara November 24, 2010 at 11:52 pm

I love when two people come together in love and create a truly hot child.

You know what’s even more amazing? When two truly unfortunate specimens come together and create something beautiful. I mean, isn’t that science? Why do unattractive people make hot kids?

You know, like the Kardashians.

ErinO November 25, 2010 at 11:33 am

I married a Jesus baby. 12/25. All it does is make him a maniac on Christmas and leading up to Christmas. Since he is not going to get his way this year, he announced that “Jesus’s birthday was cancelled this year because no one gives a F%^k.” For real.

KMW November 26, 2010 at 9:32 am

Just wanted to wish you a super sparkle happy birthday today MODG. Hope you have a day full of all sorts of *awesome* :)

Birthday on Black Friday?? It’s almost like the universe is telling people to go out and shop for your birthday presents.

TeeeRay November 26, 2010 at 1:18 pm

Personally, I think it is possible to marry a Jesus and also give birth to one. I mean, Jesus was omnipresent so, theologically speaking, this should be no problem at all! Besides, based on those pics, Plankton is clearly pre-disposed to divine DNA and holy hotness.
Congrats on the big nursery prize! Whoo hoo!

~KS November 26, 2010 at 7:15 pm

Who the hell would say mean things to you? I want to kill them. Hmmm… or I graduate from law school in a few weeks. Let’s sue them. Negligent infliction of emotional distress…. and then Plank will be rich thanks to your settlement from the mean bitches. Let’s doooo it!!!

~KS November 26, 2010 at 7:16 pm

Oh… and it’s Friday…. so….


30 is so the new twenty. I will be the new twenty next month. We’re so much cooler than 20 something peeps.

Anna Cotton November 26, 2010 at 7:32 pm

Happy Birthday! I find listening to Jay-Z’s “30-something” very inspiring…sample line “I’m young enough to know the right car to buy but old enough not to put rims on it” There are lots of good lines and you can dance your pregnany belly around to it too. Congrats on the win.

Tricia November 27, 2010 at 9:41 pm

I’m sorry I missed giving you a happy birthday salutation on your ACTUAL birthday. So happy birthday! Anywho, I think that the picture just proves that you are destined to give birth to another Jesus, and as far as privileges go, there’s got to be many. Like, if there’s some crazy popular present at Christmastime that all the kids want but no one can get, you automatically get one for Plankton/Jesus. I could name a bunch more, but it’d just make my brain hurt trying to think up a bunch of good ones. And I’m really tired right now because I’m freakin’ 39 weeks pregnant and this kid is decidedly taking up permanent residence in my womb.

Brittany Anne November 29, 2010 at 9:15 am

umm are you giving birth to jesus because seriously i feel like its been a month, and pretty much I’m going through withdrawal ….

brittany anne November 29, 2010 at 9:16 am

oh ann happy birthday <3

Previous post:

Next post: