As you all know I’ve been a bit of a sad bear since this weekend. I was nominated for best pregnancy blog and asked forced you all to vote for me until your fingers bled. You did, because that’s what best friends forever do. And we still lost. And Jesus won. Well, the Jesus blog won. I guess I can’t compete against Jesus. But I really thought that Jesus would be fair about this one. Here’s why:
1) Obviously you all know that I’m a reverend. That means that because I filled out this online application, Jesus should help me out first. It’s like when you take the time to fill out the application to be a super club card holder at the grocery store and you get discounts that the common folk don’t have. I HAD A JESUS SUPER CLUB CARD.
2) I’m pregnant. Not news. My baby is due Dec 22nd. That’s 3 days away from Christmas. That makes me 3 units of holiness away from being the next Mary and my baby being the next Jesus. NEWS. And my baby could even still come ON Christmas which makes me the most holiest of them all. So if Plankton is the next Jesus, the current Jesus should help me out. Like how the old miss america crowns the new miss america and they hug and cry and form special bonds. Where’s our special bond Jesus?
3) Contrary to popular belief, Jesus isn’t all boring, sitting in a robe, brushing his hair. No. He likes to party and do stuff and have a good time. I thought he would just be more of a MODG reader for that reason. I mean, you all know that things around here get weird but we all kind of understand each other. Jesus is like that too. See? Here’s a picture of Jesus raising the roof. I took it at a wedding we just went to.
4) I TAKE PICTURES OF JESUS
5) My Christmas card last year I really really wanted to be a manger scene. I was going to dress as Mary, Charlie was going to be Jesus, Willy was going to be a sheep and B was going to be Joseph. But then I felt like having a glass of wine and eating a gingerbread house instead. So that didn’t happen. BUT I WANTED TO.
6) That reminds me. WINE. I LOVE WINE!!! Wine is all over the bible. It’s like “Jesus said important stuff and then everyone drank wine!” I would drink wine with Jesus. Or anyone really, except the fat man who used to sit on my stoop. Well maybe him if he was buying.
7) My birthday is November 26th. But my parents always think it’s November 25th. But they remind themselves that it’s NOT the 25th because that day is Jesus’ birthday, except in December. And in their words “Amanda is the opposite of Jesus”. So I’m not really sure how that’s a reason for Jesus to be on team MODG. Whatever.
So folks, we’ve learned that around here, we’re good at a lot of things: making ms paint drawings, being asian, discussing hollywood babies, exploring rectal remedies….but when it comes to competitions with Jesus, we just can’t win.
However, Jesus, if you’re reading this, I hope you will take into consideration the reasons I have listed for why you should not only be on team MODG but I will also let you into the Danny Tanner Double Hearts Club. JUST BECAUSE I’M THAT NICE.
Thanks to everyone who voted. I don’t need an ipad or world wide internet fame when I have great virtual friends like you.