Raise your hand if you were around when Kim Kardashian hypnotized me into giving her 39 dollars a month to look like a tranny on a budget? Ok it wasn’t THAT long ago. But seriously, more of you should have told me what an asshole I was about that. I haven’t worn ONE of those pairs of shoes like ever. Well ok one I kind of wear but not really. They all are cheap and they hurt. But those were the days, weren’t they? 4.5 inch platforms without swelling or veins popping out of my skin. 23 lbs lighter with a sparkle in my step. In case you forget those times, here’s a nice flashback for you to say awwww, MODG. You used to be cool:
MAN. How quickly things change.
If you are a MODG fan on facebook you probably heard the rumblings of a rumor that I purchased a pair of…(I can’t even say it)…CROCS. ;lakjsdf;lkajsdf!!alksdjf
And I’m here to actually, confirm that rumor. I know you are so incredibly disgusted I can hear your yuck face from here. Especially since I crucified B for wanting a pair of the c-word. Stay with me though. I know what you’re picturing. I’m not even going to dignify that visual image in your head with an actual image on this blog. Because I have a general rule about shoes that if you can buy them in your local Hallmark, they can not come home to live in my closet. HOWEVER…I heard a sick little rumor myself about crocs.
I heard that they are now carrying HEELS. And normally I would still blow that shit off. But let me tell you, my feet were all, MODG, we HAAAATE you. We are going to blow up and you will look like Kirstie Alley from the knee down and even your flats will hurt because they will squeeze the pus and guts out of your feet and we will kill you every day. And they were winning. My feet couldn’t even dream of getting in a heel. Remember, I’m pushing 5’2”. Heels are like my undereye concealer and a thong. a MUST have before leaving the house.
So I went over to the darkside. I took a deep breath and typed in www.crocs.com. And I found them. Hmm. They aren’t awful. The color is ok. And they are super sale. I’m going to DO IT. And I ordered the Crocs. I did it. And let me tell you, they came from straight up hippie-ville and delivered to my house on donkey back because they took like 3 weeks to come. But here they are.
Oh yeah…you may notice some changes in my toilet pictures:
Ok I know they aren’t hot pink tranny suede platforms but please remember my life and my needs. I’m doing my best. In case you’re a dim bulb, I’ve pointed out the specific changes in my toilet pictures. Like how very much this is NOT my danger pose anymore.
So I will tell you that they ARE comfortable and especially with jeans they ARE cute and you would never know that they are the C word. Not that C word….the worse one. If you want to check them out for yourself they are here. Also you should know that I got boat loads of compliments on them and my super stylish hair stylist friend bought them in brown AND black. So before you judge…well…ok fine judge. I know you will anyway.
PS. I feel like you think that B only owns wife beaters and penn state shorts. Join the club.