Yesterday you showered me with compliments. Today you are given free rein to mock me. I would if I were you.

August 18, 2010

So yesterday was fun. I got to show off cute outfits and talk about my cool trip and how Euro I am. Neat for everyone. Today we get real.

I’m going to talk to you about cruises. Cruises are not ok. They are a fat bag of cheesey cheese and not for me. And here’s why I know more than you about this or anyone else who has ever been on a cruise. I WAS SOBER. I promise that you were not. So that class you took on Faberge Eggs was not normal. Or that time it was you vs. the crew in a hot game of shuffle board? Not normal. OR that time you did a whiskey tasting followed 1 hour by a scotch tasting and then pounded beers with your friends and then came back to the room and fell asleep in your jeans and snored your face off next to your pregnant wife…I mean…

The best part of cruises that no one who works on a cruise is American. So they do things that Americans think they will like. Like internet classes. Or a show with 5 Russians singing Johnny Be Good. But I can handle that. What I can’t handle is the CHEESE.

What do I mean by cheese? I mean the pictures they take of you and then sell them to you for 19.95 and you’re all, what asshole would actually buy those pictures?

And then you buy those pictures.

I would not be friends with these people. MAYBE if they were in their appropriate Christmas sweaters.

I call this one the ob/gyn's pamphlet and brochure

so you're like, ok MODG this one seems normal....


NO. Have I taught you nothing? THIS is the original and everything that a cruise touches oozes cheese goo.

In conclusion, the best part of a Cruise is Suri.

(see how I did that clever word thing?)

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  • Shannon August 18, 2010 at 8:08 am

    HAHAHAHA!!!! I mean, you DO look great, but that is hilarious! Makes for a GREAT post though :o)

  • Dual Mom August 18, 2010 at 8:14 am

    While I fully admit the cheese factor is pretty high, you have to admit those are pretty damn good pics of the two of you. Hello poster children for happiness. Are you SURE you weren’t drunk? lol

  • aly August 18, 2010 at 8:26 am

    OMG! The pictures of you and B are so funny!! Love your dress!! It’s nice to see that even when you become pregnant, you (meaning all women in general) can still look totally FABULOUS! :)

  • TheRandomBlogette August 18, 2010 at 8:36 am

    I almost peed myself when I saw the second one. You should so show that to your OB/GYN and see if you can be America’s Next Ob/GYN Pamphlet Cover Model!

  • Birdie August 18, 2010 at 8:41 am

    I always wonder what people actually do with those pics. You wouldn’t frame them, right?!?

  • Jasmine August 18, 2010 at 8:43 am

    Absolutely cheesey!

    But lets focus on the positive , you’re a hot preggers lady and are bound to be a MILF! You can scratch that one off your bucket list ( or is that only on mine ..oops)

  • Brown Girl August 18, 2010 at 8:44 am

    I bet other preggo women hate you because you are the tiniest cutest preggo woman ever, yes EVER, that I have EVER seen. It’s sickening really…your cuteness and all. Love the second pic, I know someone is going to see that and want to use it for there next brochure.

  • Sarah RDH August 18, 2010 at 8:59 am

    I can not stop laughing at your expense…I am sorry, really, I am. But come one now…B’s face in that 2nd one is too good to be true. Did you photoshop that? Bc it’s THAT amazing.

  • Tami August 18, 2010 at 9:08 am

    Is it just me, or are you the most adorable pregnant woman ever? For realz. That second picture, as cheesy as it is, is seriously adorable! Love your dress!

  • Mandy August 18, 2010 at 9:10 am

    I actually snorted when I saw the 2nd one. Cheese-o-rama. In a hilarious, taking the piss kinda way. Awesome.

  • Big Sis August 18, 2010 at 9:17 am

    Those totally look like pictures from a brochure. You look incredible, of course.

  • Christy August 18, 2010 at 9:18 am

    That second one is hi-larious! I’m a little sad you don’t have any with the fake sunset behind you though, those are the best. 😛

  • Jasmine Robertson August 18, 2010 at 9:28 am

    You look awesome in these pictures! So cute and yes they are pretty cheesy but that is out of your control its what happens on cruises!!! You can’t contain it, it just happens!

  • jules August 18, 2010 at 9:31 am

    OMG. So B is def drunk in these pictures right? I have never seen him look so happy in a photo. Also, at first I was thinking that cruises weren’t all that cheesy, but then I remembered I was def 25 and most certainly intoxicated the entire time I was there on my one cruise and then I did vow that I would not go on another one.

  • Renee August 18, 2010 at 9:41 am

    Ok, cheese aside, you have to admit that the lameness that cruise lines incorporate is balanced out by the midnight chocolate buffet, hell, EVERY buffet they have. I swore the first time I went on a cruise I would never be one of those people who eats till they cant fit into their clothes at the end of the week. I was wrong. Although you are right about one thing: I was drunk most of the time.

  • Sara August 18, 2010 at 9:41 am

    Um, B totally looks like pedophile creeper. And I can speak from authority because a pedophile creeper lives right behind me and that’s the face he has when my kids come outside. SCARY.

  • Big Boops August 18, 2010 at 9:49 am

    B is so damn perky. You must be funnier than Steve Martin or someone else funny. You are just cracking his ass up all over the place. Sometimes I think behind your smile you are gritting your teeth and grumbling about the drunk asshole fondling you placenta. Am I wrong?

  • Mrs. Newlywed Giggles August 18, 2010 at 9:53 am

    I love cruising!!!!!!!!!

    But it’s probably boring if you’re not drinking. I agree 100% with that. On my last cruise, we drank so much that we “lost” our friend. It’s 3 in the morning and we’re all running around the cruise boat, drunk of our asses, looking for our “lost” friend. Of course, we split up then we’re all “lost” Ends up our “lost” friend went to his room and knocked out in the bathroom. We never thought to check the room first. LOL. Half hour later we discovered this.

  • KaelaQLC August 18, 2010 at 10:15 am

    So I know I’m supposed to mock you, and trust me those pics are mockworthy, but your dress is more fabulous than any of mine and you’re preg. That’s not fair. Must go shopping.

  • Teisha August 18, 2010 at 10:16 am

    1) Love that dress! Where oh where did you get it?
    2) I love cruises BUT if we were debating the awesomeness of cruises you would probably win because I was drunk for seven days straight both times except for when I went snorkeling because I WAS SCARED THE SHARKS WOULD SMELL THE BOOZE AND WANT TO EAT ME.

  • MommyLisa August 18, 2010 at 10:30 am

    I wonder if you COULD make your $19.95 back selling that photo to your Doula or Midwife??

  • Amanda August 18, 2010 at 10:33 am

    B looks like Jim Carey in that second pic! Just saying!

  • Becky Mochaface August 18, 2010 at 11:23 am

    I never realized how tall B is. Or is it that you’re just the cutest petite, preggers woman ever? But since this is a MODG blog and not a B blog, I’m going to go with B being freakishly tall.

  • Vivi August 18, 2010 at 11:33 am

    Your captions make the pictures hilarious!!

    What color are your euro nails?

  • ZDub August 18, 2010 at 11:39 am

    LOVE the clever word thing; pregnancy is obviously making you a genius.

    P.S. Your hair looks great.

  • Ally@ShabbyPrincess August 18, 2010 at 12:23 pm

    A. Dying over your dress. And B’s facial expressions in those pictures. B. Nail color=amazeballs C. Cheese or no, at least you got a cool Euro vacay out of the deal, yes?

  • Elly Lou August 18, 2010 at 12:51 pm

    People disappear on cruise ships. They terrify me.

    Also, I’m pretty sure I’d have to eat up all that cheese so I could prevent myself from having to use a bathroom on a boat. Woof.

  • Gini August 18, 2010 at 1:08 pm

    BAH! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! The second one is the BEST. B looks totally manic!

    In other news, I la la love your nail polish!

  • Gini August 18, 2010 at 1:09 pm

    Whoa, apparently everyone else loved your nail color as well….great minds? Fools? Lamp?

  • Virginia August 18, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    Omg, you went on a cruise with Jim Carrey/ How cool is that? Lucky you.

  • Julie August 18, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    B’s facial expressions frighten me in these photos. You, on the other hand, look like a glowing, magnifique pregnant person.

  • Cindy August 18, 2010 at 2:43 pm

    I wanted to comment that B looks just like Jim Carrey in these photos but I see I’m not alone there. Hilarious and scary. The B in the backwards baseball cap is the keeper. :)

  • Betty August 18, 2010 at 5:33 pm

    LOVE the dress!! I am also due this December and taking a ‘babymoon’ next month and am trying to find cute stuff to wear. Where did you get the dress??

  • MandyImnotfamousMoore August 18, 2010 at 7:43 pm

    You are adorable. I wish I looked that cute pregnant! And your adorableness matches your adorable house, so of course I adorably voted. The end.

  • Kendra August 18, 2010 at 9:04 pm

    Cruises kick a$$ (and I have been sober on every cruise I have ever taken), and mainly for what can be summed up in a very simple phrase: “All You Can Eat.”

    The cheese is what makes them hilarious.

  • Meagan@Megs7827 August 18, 2010 at 9:41 pm

    Yeah you have to explain B’s face. Was it also his idea to take this pictures? Because I have been on a lot of cruises and I know the cute one of you at the table they just take of you like every night, the crazy B face pics you sometimes have to stand in a line for! Did he bribe you to be in these pictures?

  • Shaina August 18, 2010 at 10:08 pm

    These are SO FUCKING AMAZING that I cannot handle them. I am sooo impressed at how wide B’s mouth can open! PLEASE frame them and put them in the nursery.

  • Katie August 19, 2010 at 12:12 am

    Um, that second photo is hysterical. I picture it on the cover of a “So You Think You’re Pregnant” brochure……simply awesome.

  • August 19, 2010 at 12:17 am

    You have no idea how many times I clicked refresh today just to see this pop on my screen again. I can only hope our engagement shoot comes out as elegantly.

  • Christine August 19, 2010 at 11:55 am

    Cruises when you’re sober suck big monkey balls. I was 10 weeks when I went on my first and last cruise. When everyone else was getting their free drink on at the meet and greet, I was playing bingo with the old ladies. When kids were spring breaking it in the hot tub, I was watching cheesy shows of people dancing around to the Copa Cabana. Not fun at all!

  • Las Vegas Mama August 20, 2010 at 11:13 am

    LOL LOL LOL that IS cheesy! you really cracked me up on the last one!

  • designstiles September 25, 2010 at 12:30 am

    B HAD to have been drunk. No one laughs that hard in pictures. Oh yeah, and he looks a little (a lot) like Jim Carrey in the first two.

    Sorry I’m commenting so much….on a Friday night. I’m not pregnant but my husband is passed out from wine and I’m just starting on my buzz. Holla.