So Monday is the day. It’s the most important baby genital day there is. Shit, that phrase is definitely going to send some wrong search strings to the MODG blog. Whatever. We finally finally FINALLY find out if we’re having a sparkle suri or a baby danny tanner. So because this is Friday, it’s real time blogging day. I’m going to share with you some of the nonsense I’ve participated in to figure out if this is a boy or a girl. Then you’re going to vote in the comments and whatever you say goes. I’m serious. I don’t care what that ultrasound man says. Blog readers know more.
1) Stuff about me: I haven’t gotten very wide, I’m protruding. I’m carrying low like a sweet chariot. My skin isn’t awful (although I’m campaigning for that new Sonic cleanser thing as Sephora and it’s like 200 dollars so we need B to think my skin makes me cry blood in my sleep). My morning sickness has been minimal. No heartburn. All of these things in the google machine say: BOY.
2) Pyschics: You can’t judge a pregnant woman or you’re cursed with 7 years of excessive hair growth. Soooo I may have consulted with an online psychic about the baby. MAY HAVE. If I did. This is what she said:
“Your reading reveals that your current pregnancy is with a baby girl. Her EDD is referenced mid-December and her birth is shown on the 30th of November 2010. Born around 8am following 17 hours of labour she weighs in at 5lbs 10ozs. Labour threatens to start in October and a few attempts between then and November 29th are made to stop contractions. The 29th of November brings on the real deal that can’t be stopped.”
Let’s ignore the terror that is labor starting THREE months early and focus on her telling us that Plankton is a: GIRL. PS this is also probably my confession for the week.
3) Chinese Calendar: This shit is important because it’s Asian. I found like 3 versions. They take the month you conceived with your age and tell you the baby genitals. China people say: GIRL
4) Intelligender: You know it. You saw it. The magic pee crystals say: BOY
5) Ring test: This one is the most bullshit to me of them all. You tie a ring to a string and hang it over your belly. (I just did this now as I was writing). But Bethenny did it so I have to do it obviously. It swung back and forth and not in a circle (I think). I mean who can really see at that angle when you’re laying on the floor staring up at a string. But whatever. This means: GIRL
6) My gut: My guy is a little psychic. Like for real. Psychics tell me I’m psychic. And my gut has felt for 5 months that Planky is a: BOY
So let’s tally this up:
Great. What does this mean? A hermy baby? NO. So this means that your vote counts even more. It will totally be the tie breaker. And if you don’t vote the hermy is on your shoulders.
Speaking of stuff. Some of you have asked me for an address to send me crap for Plankton. I feel weird doing this…like I’m begging. Which I’m not above. Do you guys really want to send me baby stuff? If so I’ll do it, but I don’t want to feel stupid about it. Because that would be a new thing. PS Plankton likes Louboutin. Size 6.
Ok so your comments should include: penis or vagina. And do you want me to open a box.
penis vagina box…. hearts.
feel free to throw a confession in there too if you so choose.