After FOUR months, the reveal of the worst kept secret in the history of the internet. AND I BLAME YOU.

But you’re lucky I’m in a happy place today.

So I’m going to do you a favor and get this out of the way for you. Then we can move on with the news like civilized rational non-make-me-punch-you adults. So this is me, being you:

“I knew it! I’m so smart and my smartness is better than your news”

“You lied to me! I feel betrayed and will never be able to trust internet strangers again”

“I totally knew it all along and I’m so not surprised so this post now warrants none of my attention”

“I knew it. I knew it. I’m so good at knowing. I knew it. Knew it.”

Ok?  Are we cool now? I get it. You knew it. But here’s what I’m going to tell you and you can choke on it. This news wasn’t meant for the internet first. You could know it all you want but there are real dramatic serious Discovery Health type vagina reasons why people don’t tell the internet before institutions like family and face friends not on a face book. So I hope you can forgive me and understand why I went about this the way I did. And to make it up for you I have a huge ADDITIONAL surprise that I think you’ll love and will make us even steven. Keep reading.

4 months pregnant. And not with a toddler.

Since you probably skipped all that bullshit I just threwup in your mouth and scrolled down to the picture. Here we are. And I don’t mean me and you. I mean me and my 4 month old fetus: Plankton. Yes internet psychic bitches who know everything, I’m pregnant. We’re pregnant. And despite the wild 2010 I had, it’s B’s baby. And we’re beyond excited. And I won’t say over the moon because that’s stupid and I don’t even know what it means. Plankton is the little mini MODG who we are expecting on Dec 22nd and I’m like 110000% sure it will actually be Dec25th because I’m obviously birthing the next Jesus. You’ll hear a lot about Planky over the next few months. No, we’re not actually naming the child Plankton, that’s just his pre-birth name. Like how Demi Moore used to be Demetria Gene Guynes (google it). No I’m not telling you the real names so don’t ask… you leaches of information.

So I’ve anticipated the questions you probably have and I’m ready with answers for you:

MODG. Seriously, why did you leave us hanging and stop blogging? That was the rudeness:

So this was never my plan. I never wanted a break in blogging. I thought I could keep talking about bullshit like toilets and shoes and Suri. But the strangest thing happened. It was like the internet fairy of truth put a pox on me because I just couldn’t write. I couldn’t write about anything. Nothing. I would try to write about B being rude and stealing my secret candy or something and it would end up looking like blahblahalalalhorriblestupidhateit. And then it was clear to me. The mild success I’ve had with this blog and building a following has been my honesty. It’s who I am, farts, vaginas and all. And the second I started censoring my writing, it went to shit. And if even for a second I was honest about my life like smelling crazy shit or having giant boobs or eating white trash foods, you all called me out and I had to end it before my iMac and brain exploded.

MODG, is this going to turn into a baby blog? Because I’m not interested in that business.

This blog is what it always has been. Crap. And it will keep being total crap, also what I call my life. I’ve just always wrote about my life and what is big and hot. Sometimes it’s shoes. Sometimes it’s blue hair. Right now it’s Plankton. So you’ll hear about it and you’ll love it.

But wait, so we missed out on FOUR months of pregnancy drama from you? We missed out on some good shit???

No you actually missed out on FIVE months because there was a whole thing with convincing B that we should reproduce. But here’s the best news of your life. I mean seriously. Besides puking, staring at my black hole saucer nipples, not pooping like ever and eating grilled cheese for a straight 3 months…I’VE BEEN KEEPING A SECRET FILE OF PREGNANCY SPECIALS. I’ve been writing since the very beginning about all this business with the intent to publish it here, on MODG, for all of you, day by day. (Just a little after the fact). I couldn’t let you miss out on the case of ovulation sticks I ordered, the addiction to peeing on things that I developed or the discovery that my breasts are now a size E. For Elephantitis.

And now, just so you’re STILL not pissed off that I lied straight to your face for months and months. Here is a video of me crying. And I’m not wearing makeup. And it’s the first time you’re seeing me live. And I don’t even give a shit because I have bigger problems these days.

We’ll start at the very beginning tomorrow and find out exactly how I got knocked up. Ok not EXACTLY how. But pretty damn close. Other highlights will include my disgusting decision about the placenta, trying to get the hippies to let me in their baby world, midwife action and details from my internet doula. Enjoy and get ready for the shit show.

SPARKLE FETUSES,

MODG

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POSTED IN: Awesome things,babies,Favorite Post,getting pregnant story,MODG,popular,pregnant stuff,Sharing

{ 158 comments }

Shannon July 12, 2010 at 8:07 am

I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!! Yea!! Congrats for you and B :o)

Beckles July 12, 2010 at 8:13 am

CONGRATULATIONS on little Plankton Christ! I almost started crying at your video because I am a cryer and any type of crying sets me off. You look so cute pregnant. And also thank you for posting early, I would have gone crazy.

Sarah July 12, 2010 at 8:13 am

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Totally worth the wait!!!!!! This baby is going to be better than Suri.

vodka logic July 12, 2010 at 8:13 am

Congratulations on the new little MODG.

Are you missing martinis? Can you still wear the heels?

Welcome to the no sleep, going broke club……. best club ever.

wordsandthings101 July 12, 2010 at 8:14 am

congrats!!!

wordsandthings101.blogspot.com July 12, 2010 at 8:15 am

congrats!!!

Miranda July 12, 2010 at 8:16 am

I actually went to sleep last night thinking “WE GET A NEW MODG POST TOMORROW”

And this? This is awesome!

Congrats and welcome to the club of poop talk, engorgement, stretch marks and never sleeping again.

It’s awesome here.

julie July 12, 2010 at 8:17 am

So I totally was bitter and was not going to forgive you even a little bit when I first read this. But then we got to the lucky video and you just brought me right back to your hilariousness. And then I was still a little pissed that this is going to turn all baby blog, (I mean, it will, but I guess I’ll let it slide because it will still be hilarious) but then I realized I can’t WAIT to hear about your first trimester!!!!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

Aly July 12, 2010 at 8:18 am

Congrats, Girl!! Very exciting! I wish you, Plankton and B much happiness! Enjoy the next 5 months :)

TheadoraShihadeh July 12, 2010 at 8:19 am

So excited for you!!! You’re extra pretty pregnant!

megan July 12, 2010 at 8:20 am

girlllllllll we are so happy for you and it was ok for you to keep it on the d/l. plankton is the next jesus. you should call it “asian jesus”. :)

Sara July 12, 2010 at 8:20 am

YAY! I missed your sparkle hearts and unicorns. And I love the name Plankton. I called mine Cletus the Fetus.

Ashley July 12, 2010 at 8:22 am

Congrats MODG & B on the fantastic news of Baby P. Soooo exciting!

I hope you are feeling great and I CANNOT wait to hear all about it.

Molly July 12, 2010 at 8:22 am

DUDE! So happy for you and B! Huge Congrats….was a bit concerned about the break, but it all makes sense.
Good luck, you look Fab!

(send me your vodka skull since I can drink it, and you can’t)

: )

MissCaron July 12, 2010 at 8:24 am

CONGRATS!!!

Christy July 12, 2010 at 8:27 am

Woohoo, CONGRATS!!!

MrsMcB July 12, 2010 at 8:29 am

WOW!

Congratulations. Can’t wait to catch up on the last four months.

Katie Lame July 12, 2010 at 8:41 am

Alright Chick…this is definitely worth waiting for. Just do me a solid and don’t buy “it” an ipad…hahaha…so excited for you! Is that totallynutsandweird that i’m stoked for a stranger’s pregnancy? Whatever…its a mini MODG and that means superawesomesparklesandsuch.

Peace from the midwest my newly minted puke machine.

Corinne July 12, 2010 at 8:43 am

Congratulations! I’m sure little plankton will provide plenty of fun entries. And it’s completely understandable that you did what you did the way you did it (confused?). You look beautiful!
Can’t wait to see what’s coming up!

Kaela July 12, 2010 at 8:43 am

I’m not going to say congratulations like everyone else….well I guess that would be bitchy of me wouldn’t it? Congratulations!

Second thought – are you going to change the name of the blog to just Diaper Genies? It seems clear you’ve decided, at least for the next 5 months! Hardy harr harr.

Vicki July 12, 2010 at 8:44 am

OMGOMG! Mazal, mazal, mazal tov to both of you. I have never been so happy for someone I’ve never met. I’m never this happy for people I know for years. Can’t wait to follow along on your new journey :). BTW, you know you have to wear the kabbalah bracelet now to keep away the evil eye during your pregnancy, right?
Suri would.

http://www.google.com/products?q=kabbalah+bracelet&um=1&ie=UTF-8&ei=tA07TJ_eN5L2swPouIDaCg&sa=X&oi=product_result_group&ct=image&resnum=3&ved=0CDkQzAMwAg

Carrie July 12, 2010 at 8:47 am

YAY! Congratulations! I’m due December 18th! It was so nice of you to get pregnant at pretty much the exact same time as me so that I can pretend we’re BFF’s. You look gourgeous! I hope your first trimester was as easy as mine.

Luz July 12, 2010 at 8:49 am

Congratulations! Can’t wait to read about everything.

Michelle July 12, 2010 at 8:55 am

Congratulations, you look gorgeous preggers! And I’m totally with you, I’m superstitious and I didn’t tell anyone I was preg until 5 months in. When I finally told everyone they were like, yeah dud, we know.

la manda July 12, 2010 at 8:58 am

Congrats! Welcome to the beautiful and completely disgusting world of pregnancy. As someone who just had a baby 2 months ago, I can tell you that it is definitely the best thing ever. However I have not had a conversation in months that didn’t involve poop, baby puke, scary horror stories about labor, weird pregnancy side effects, all topped off by a case of the crazies (thanks to wonderful pregnancy hormones). Its just gonna make the MODG blog better, can’t wait! Best wishes and enjoy the ride!

shannon July 12, 2010 at 9:08 am

well WELCOME BACK and CONGRATULATIONS MODG!! you were the first post i picked to read in my google reader this morning, because i knew you had big news, and and apparently I AM THE ONLY ONE who didn’t “know it”. i’m stupid like that. but can’t wait to hear all about it and watch you get huge! [hahaha just kidding. kind of.]

Krystyn July 12, 2010 at 9:09 am

Congrats on baby Plankton…the video is awesome.

Courtney July 12, 2010 at 9:13 am

OMG! Congrats! You look so cute in that picture!

Aubre July 12, 2010 at 9:14 am

Congrats MODG!!!! Missed you on here you big fat pregnant whore! Can’t wait to here about everything gross and beautiful that happens to you :-) And I can never believe a word of your ugly without makeup bullshit now that I’ve seen that video! NO more tricking us into thinking you aren’t pretty and adorable. You lose.

Andrea July 12, 2010 at 9:14 am

Ahhhh the video made me have tears!! So sweet!! Congratulations!!! I am so happy for you and B! This is sort of like the most anticipated baby in the universe or at least on the internet since that was sort of the point of this blog!! And I am not mad at you at all, we all understand that we are all internet friends, and unfortunately there are creeps out there so babies need to be kept a secret! Thanks for saving files for us, very thoughtful! Can’t wait for the rest of the stories!!!!!!!

janina July 12, 2010 at 9:18 am

Congratulations to you, B and plankton. I can’t wait to hear all about the last 4 months and the next 5 (or 6 if plankton is anything like my kind who would NOT come out).

P.S. Sorry about the giant saucer nipples…. The good thing is that Plankton will LOVE them. :o)

Rachel July 12, 2010 at 9:20 am

Congrats on the sparkle fetus. I look forward to hearing about the most sparkly pregnancy ever.

Shanny July 12, 2010 at 9:21 am

This shit is awesome! Congratulations =)

Juliana July 12, 2010 at 9:21 am

I knew it:) Congrats you look absolutely stunning!!!!!!!!!

Kelly July 12, 2010 at 9:21 am

So, um, yeah…. i started tearing! … maybe bc it’s I’m pregnant too… we are due feb. 13th, but I am having twins so they could be born closer to your plankton!

Congrats!

Sara July 12, 2010 at 9:25 am

Who are these ass lickers who claim to have known it all along?

This is BRAND NEW INFORMATION to me. So maybe I’m dumb as hair, but I have enjoyed the lovely surprise and wish you all the best in the baking of your fetus quiche.

Melissa July 12, 2010 at 9:28 am

Amazing news. Long time reader, firt time commenter here! I just had a baby so I know “everything” about what you are going through. I can’t wait to read all about your preggersness and totally judge you. :)

Julie Cook July 12, 2010 at 9:32 am

Congratulations!!! I’m so happy for you. As my “congrats on baby plankton” gift to you, here is something that might help with your heightened sense of smell and B’s nighttime odor issues: https://www.bettermarriageblanket.com/

Happy Fetus Growing!!!!

tori July 12, 2010 at 9:34 am

Congrats!! I’m really happy for you! Welcome to the madness!

Katiekates July 12, 2010 at 9:34 am

Hooray! this is the best excuse for blog silence ever I am so happy you made it to the other side of the first trimester! congrats to you and B and i look forward to all the crazy that has happened and i am sure will happen.

PS If you convince me that having kids is a good idea I will never, ever forgive you. ;)

Allison Zapata July 12, 2010 at 9:38 am

Congrats!!
And also? I think you are a beautiful crier!

Grace July 12, 2010 at 9:42 am

Yay!!! I’m due November 1st!! We can be almost due date buddies!!

Jenn July 12, 2010 at 9:52 am

Congratulations! And, don’t worry … you’ll still get to blog about crap. It’ll just be your baby’s crap now. By the way, I ate grilled cheese for 4 months straight. Then tater tots and root beer floats. You will return to flavor again one day. Promise!

AuntBT July 12, 2010 at 9:57 am

Congrats on little baby Plankton!!

Shandal July 12, 2010 at 10:01 am

Congratulations to you and B! You are probably one of cutest preggo momma’s I’ve ever seen! I loved the video too! I’m excited to hear about your journey so far. :)

Carrie July 12, 2010 at 10:08 am

Woot Woot! Congrats on Baby Plankton! =)

I was just wondering this morning where you had been… hope all the nasty sickness has left you. =)

andrealeal00 July 12, 2010 at 10:09 am

How exciting! Plankton is a great pre-birth name. My last baby’s was Cornelius. Everyone kept calling the baby “Corny” and I’m like “What the heck, Cornelius wasn’t atrocious enough for you that you had to shorten it to Corny??” rude! Anyway, I cannot wait to hear all about the last 4 months. This post made me LOL, so I am looking forward to more! PS you look perfectly fine without makeup!

Julie July 12, 2010 at 10:09 am

Congratulations! Very exciting, I can’t wait to read the secret pregnancy blogs :)

Erika July 12, 2010 at 10:24 am

i must’ve had my ms. cleo on bc i was just wondering what the frick had happened to modg? didnt expect a bb bump though. congrats plankton, youre going to have the coolest mom on the blogger block.

Shari July 12, 2010 at 10:26 am

CONGRATS MODG!!!! I guess you chose Diaper genies :) xxooo

Rae July 12, 2010 at 10:32 am

Awesome news! Congrats!

Legally Fabulous July 12, 2010 at 10:34 am

I’m not that happy for you. Because I am a bitter lonely single person. (what? I thought we were all about honesty here? besides. I don’t squeal).
But I guess if you’re happy I can get on board with that.

OH also – you are supposed to get advice when you’re pregnant. Especially unsolicited advice from people on the internet. It’s mandatory.
So my advice is to never move to Wichita, Kansas. Because my ex and his wife just had their baby there on Friday. (see also – why i have difficulty being happy for others because i am single and alone and bitter)
And I’m pretty sure that the baby was probably born with webbed feet. And it will be really ugly. And both of the parents are very dumb so it stands no chance at academic success. And I don’t want Plankton to have to deal with it. Or actually, maybe I do. So Plankton can beat the shit out of it. (I refuse to refer to their baby as anything but ‘it’. but I will call plankton ‘baby’, or “your offspring” or something equally as endearing, because I like you. promise).

k that’s all for now. congrats to you and B.

Gini July 12, 2010 at 10:35 am

YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!!!!!!!

Melanie July 12, 2010 at 10:37 am

Yeah for you and B and Plankton! I think you are the cutest prego girl ever, even when you ugly cry along to Britney with no make-up on. Oh, and I still hate you for being so skinny and cute in your “delicate” state. I am so excited to follow you from whatever it is you were before (ha!) to what you will become!

Maggie [The Freckled Citizen] July 12, 2010 at 10:38 am

Yessssssssssss. Congrats!!

MODG July 12, 2010 at 10:41 am

Thank you all so much. I can’t believe how much I missed a bunch of internet strangers. But I really did. Your genuine congratulations mean a lot to me and I’m really excited to share ALL the details with you. I wanted to answer some of your comment questions so far:

Are you missing martinis? Can you still wear the heels?
FUCK YES I AM. To both. I went through like a serious depression without alcohol. It was bad. I wear heels still but I always carry a backup pair of lower heels just in case.

are you going to change the name of the blog to just Diaper Genies?
NO. My whole life will still be martinis OR diaper genies? Because I know some bitches will be like, dude you can’t be drunk when you have a baby it’s irresponsible. Also I really don’t want a diaper genie at all because its gross.

wear the kabbalah bracelet now to keep away the evil eye during your pregnancy, right?
I didn’t know this but this is the best advice I’ve gotten so far.

Who are these ass lickers who claim to have known it all along?
ass lickers that’s who.

I guess you chose Diaper genies xxooo

So my advice is to never move to Wichita, Kansas.
ok so you’re tied for best advice ever.

Laura Gerencser July 12, 2010 at 10:49 am

Congrats!!

Amanda J July 12, 2010 at 10:49 am

Congratulations B and Amanda!
You look so beautiful and have the cutest voice!
Something is in the air and I’m going to suffocate myself now; like 99% of people I know are with child and due Nov/Dec.
We look forward to hearing all about it!!

XO’s

Brianne July 12, 2010 at 10:52 am

I almost died choking on a no-bake peanut butter fudge cookie from excitement for you!!

Congratu-friggin-lations MODG!!!!!

Smart Ass Sara July 12, 2010 at 10:54 am

I? Am going to have a little drinkity drink for you tonight. Because you can’t now. *snicker* :)

Congrats, anyways! And maybe eating all of that cheese made you not poopy?? But all I can say is DO NOT eat an entire bucket of movie theatre popcorn. Because you WILL throw it up and it WILL hurt and it WILL ruin a movie experience for you forever. And your husband WILL tell you “I told you so” as you feel like baby is coming up with the popcorn in the bathroom.

Sugar Huddleston-Bostick July 12, 2010 at 10:58 am

Having a baby is the best gift you could ever hope for. Not trying to get all mushy and shit, but it’s overwhelming. And I’m thrilled you and B get to experience it. Enjoy every minute of it—-the puking, the back aches, and the freakishly huge boobs—oh and the sex is awesome too, but really—it ends way too soon.

I hope you’re feeling well these days. Did B’s bad breath ever improve? That was the total giveaway.

Hugs to you and Plankton,
Sugar

ellie vs Eleanore July 12, 2010 at 11:02 am

Woot! Sparkle diaper genies! What are your thoughts on clitter for the birth? There will be many people staring at your junk so maybe bedazzle it up? Okay, I realize that was a bit personal but the whole point is this: enjoy your pregnancy! I hope you have lots of fun so we can have sparkle fun along with you!

Erin July 12, 2010 at 11:04 am

So awesome.
Congrats.
And
You can totally drink after you have the baby.

Spontaneous Mom July 12, 2010 at 11:08 am

Congrats! I am very super excited for you!! I have definetly been missing you and very excited that you are back- can’t wait to read all about your happenings for the past 4 (well 5) months~

jessalyn July 12, 2010 at 11:14 am

ok, so “congratulations” is starting to get worn out, so 祝贺 (this way the asian baby can understand me).

you are going to name plankton jessalyn, right?

you look prettier than a sparkling unicorn peeing rainbows.

xoxo

Mrs. Newlywed Giggles July 12, 2010 at 11:18 am

So happy for your and B. Congratulations and can’t wait to hear the stories of pregnancy at the MODG house!

Meghan July 12, 2010 at 11:39 am

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Congrats, lady <3 <3 You're gorgeous, makeup or no. So so so so so happy for you and B :)

Asian Chick July 12, 2010 at 11:41 am

Yay to not having to scoop kitty litter for 9 months! Also, I’m Asian and I approve of your asianness. Just thought you should know.

Chrystal July 12, 2010 at 11:42 am

I am SO excited for you and B. Annd I have missed the shit out of your shit lately. MODG, never do that again, EVER. Oh and the Baby Bump looks absolutely awesome on you!!

Jen Gacek July 12, 2010 at 11:43 am

Woot, woot! That is so exciting. Congratulations to you both! Can’t wait to hear more about little Plankton!

Big Boops July 12, 2010 at 11:49 am

Oh, MODG, I just don’t know what to say. You are a hot pregnant mess and its about the most beautiful thing ever. Your video was just touching. I will go on record for Boops saying that we are so friggin excited for you. Can I tell you something that will make you barf??? Okay, probably everything makes you barf, so this will just fit right in. Boops is now almost two and when she was a newborn I knew no nursery songs to sing her. And I felt like a lame-o mom. But who seriously practices the songs they will sing? No one, thats who. So since I know you are an old DDD, as am I . . . I sang her drunken basement songs. Seriously. She napped to “drink a beer, drink a beer . . . ” and “shit damn mother fucker fuck shit damn” and even “a gleaming white pearl . . . ” . Now, this did not last long as I realized how pathetic I was and I quickly learned some songs. But I do a lot of singing and I’m a terrible singer. So my one speck of advice, start practicing all your dirty rush songs, they will FINALLY come in handy.

Happy Sparkle Pregnancy MODG!

Shana July 12, 2010 at 11:51 am

Congratulations. December 22nd is my birthday…I would be honored to share it with Plankton.

Becky Mochaface July 12, 2010 at 11:55 am

Congratulations!!! That baby bump looks ridiculous kinds of sparkle cute on you! CanNOT wait to hear all about it.

Pres. Kathy July 12, 2010 at 12:06 pm

Congratulations! I am so happy for you!

ZDub July 12, 2010 at 12:07 pm

This post confirms you are now one of us, you mommy blogger.

Welcome to the dark side.

beckles July 12, 2010 at 12:10 pm

PS Is Plankton Christ’s first picture for us going to be on the toilet? After it’s been thoroughly sanitized of course.

Erin July 12, 2010 at 12:16 pm

Congratulations!! Seriously so happy for you. Babies are the best- and I’m sure Plankton is going to be fabulous. Scratch that- Plankton already is fabulous.

Veronica July 12, 2010 at 12:20 pm

YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!!!! Congratulations!!!!!!! Such wonderful news. I cried when I watched your video. :)

And it will only get weirder from here … ENJOY!

Bri July 12, 2010 at 12:21 pm

I loved that video. Made me tear up! So excited for you and brett!

Ashleigh July 12, 2010 at 12:29 pm

A MILLION PINK SPARKLY CONGRATULATIONS!!!! This is so exciting! When I saw this I peed a little- not really, but I almost started crying. I was so worried that you had H.pylori.. You look awesome, congrats on keeping the skinnies:-D This was worth the wait and I look forward to reading about the last four months. It was totally awesome of you to keep a pregnancy file for us. You should get a P.O. box so people can send you weird baby stuff;-) I am so happy for you, babies bring so much love into your life! I wish you an easy pregnancy and a beautiful delivery.

Gas July 12, 2010 at 12:30 pm

For a lady who likes to discuss poop and stuff, I am not sure you can even begin to comprehend the wealth of funny material currently inhabiting your uterus! You, B, and Mini-MODG are in for the time of your life! Big congrats!
PS: I am in awe of your secret keeping abilities! You could totally be a spy with your tricky-fake-Asian looks and aloof demeanor!

michelle July 12, 2010 at 12:33 pm

not fair! you can’t be mad at a pregnant lady! damn you and your fetus!

congrats amanda! this is huge. you’re gonna be a trash talk’n mom. that’s pretty awesome! seriously so happy for you. welcome to the mommy club!

big pizza nipples and swollen vaginas,
michelle

Jamie July 12, 2010 at 12:35 pm

Sarah aptly named Avery “Dinosaur Chicken” pre-birth

Llama July 12, 2010 at 12:37 pm

Oh my goodness! Soooo exciting! I ‘m so happy for you! I can’t wait to hear more! You looked amazing in the video…dont be silly…you have the glow!

Susannah aka Petunia Face July 12, 2010 at 12:47 pm

Congratuspermalations!!!! Please promise you are going to name it Suri, regardless of gender?

Glad you’re back, at twice the MODG :)
(Um, that was in reference to you being two, not your size. You make a super cute pregnant lady, unlike myself who seemed to carry my fetus inside my nose and chin.)

Lluvia July 12, 2010 at 1:02 pm

BABY MODG!!!!!!!! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
So happy for you!!!!
I can’t wait to read all about Baby MODG!!! :D
Your video showed exactly what I was doing when I found out I was pregnant! :D
Congratulations! :)

Meagan@Megs7827 July 12, 2010 at 1:04 pm

BABIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited! So glad you kept pregnancy files too!

Mrs. Priss July 12, 2010 at 1:06 pm

Congratulations!!! You look so freaking adorable!

Rebecca July 12, 2010 at 1:08 pm

Congrats!!!!! So exciting. You look great, and I’m so looking forward to hearing about the first trimester. Plus, I second the motion for the “first pic of the baby on a toilet” thing.

Sparkle hearts for Plankton!!!!!

Ashley July 12, 2010 at 1:10 pm

Was the stick in the video an ovulation stick or pregnancy test?? That is exactly what my ovulation strips look like!
Congrats!! Very exciting!

Kelly @Dare to be Domestic July 12, 2010 at 1:17 pm

you sneaky little shit. I figured this was the big secret but I couldn’t be happier for you! I sort of hate you for being such an adorable prego momma. I’m pretty sure I’ll look like Professor Clump when I am with child! CONGRATS CONGRATS CONGRATS!!! I’m so happy for you and B!

Keep all the TRUE TO LIFE info coming – I will have to come back and watch this video when I’m not at work.

Odd request: So do you need anyone to finish off any random bottles of tequila and vodka at your house? I’d hate for it to sit for 4 more months ;)

Shell July 12, 2010 at 1:20 pm

Congrats!

jordan July 12, 2010 at 1:22 pm

OMGGGGGGG a sparkle baby! and whats better than a sparkle baby? a sparkle baby who is jesus, and the child of B and A. that is seriously fantastic news and i am not going to lie, your video made me cry – both because it was touching, and because i LOVE LOVE LOVE miss britney sparkle jean spears. what a glorious day! MAZEL TOV!

Krista July 12, 2010 at 1:24 pm

Those are some mad Mac-movie skills. Congrats.

ellie vs Eleanore July 12, 2010 at 1:37 pm

PS: I could totally use some tips on convincing Gilbert that we should have mini-us. He’s in total NO zone and isn’t budging. I clearly educated him too much when he’s all, “Um, you’re ovulating. Talk to ya later.” Please post your convincing B or other husbands tips. :)

PeaceLoveTerri July 12, 2010 at 1:48 pm

Really.. That’s it? That’s what all the hype was about?

HAHA.. I’m kidding.. Kinda.

CONGRATS!! :)

MiMi July 12, 2010 at 1:51 pm

Friend!!!!
I’m so excited for you, just so you know, warning: I’m gonna use a lot of these: !!!!!
Okay. It only tookd you a month to get B to agree, that’s awesome.
And your adorable crying no make up video almost makes me cry like a big ole panty waste too!!!
And, pregnancy and birth, will just ADD to your grossness factor like by 1000 percent!! Cuz sick shit can happen! And does!
I’m so happy for you, so so so happy for you, sweety.
And I totally understand why you would wait to tell anyone. I mean, some people tell at like 2 weeks or some crazy shit. And that first trimester is so hard and so tenuous, that anything could happen and then what if something happens??
So, yeah, you have a bump, you’re good.
YAY!!!!!

April B July 12, 2010 at 1:59 pm

Yay!! I missed your sassy, smart-ass self!! Congrats on being preggo … so excited for you!!! xoxo

Ashley, the Accidental Olympian July 12, 2010 at 2:09 pm

You sneaky sneaky lady.

Congrats.

Now bring on the weird stories about peeing on shit.

Candice July 12, 2010 at 2:25 pm

I’m beyong THRILLED for you.

Oh wait. No! I fucking HATE YOU. Look at cute you are!! OMG!!

The video was also hilar! “I look like shit”

Best line ever.

Congrats on your fetus!!

Lisa Levine July 12, 2010 at 2:52 pm

Congrats!!! So excited for you and getting excited/scared to hear the “real truth” about what happens when you are pregnant. No one, not our friends, not our family, not mom, tells us ANYTHING about what it’s like – so we have to assume it’s sparkles and fun for 9+ months until we get preggers and find out the truth.

So totally looking forward to seeing you get cuter and cuter as your plankton baby gets bigger and bigger. Also, really fun to see you live. Makes you seem almost real.

Truly happy for you. :)

Elly Lou July 12, 2010 at 3:20 pm

Congrats, cuteness. Now eat some fiber so you can shit.

krista July 12, 2010 at 3:28 pm

i honestly thought you were going to come back from hiatus and be like “remember my april fools thing? well it happened” but this is just as good. and we’re like 2 weeks apart in pregnancy which is pretty cool.
Congrats!

Reena July 12, 2010 at 3:31 pm

So Happy for you! And this may be the weirdness, since I’ve never actually met you, but take one or two stool softeners every night with your prenatal vitamin and it will work WONDERS!! I know you’ll get unsolicited advice from everyone out there, so I’m sorry. But, this is coming from the girl who gained 70 pounds with her first child (normally 115, thanks.), and then had someone tell her that it’s ok to induce pooping with a mild stool softener everyday. YAY!! So I only gained 35 with my second son. This will save you stretch marks from the fatness! Good luck and happy pregnancy! :)

Sarah July 12, 2010 at 3:31 pm

Huge congrats!! Plankton is going to be hotter than Suri!! Can’t wait to hear about everything!

Reena July 12, 2010 at 3:55 pm

BTW, that SOMEONE that told me was my OB/GYN. Just so there’s no question as to whether it’s ok. haha!

The Only Girl July 12, 2010 at 4:00 pm

awwwww . . . what wonderful news!
And here’s me thinking you’ve been hiding out on a reality show all this time . . . guh.
Enjoy every moment of this exciting time!
Glad you’re back.

Sarah RDH July 12, 2010 at 4:13 pm

Well, congrats. You suck at lying. And since I TOTALLY KNEW, the surprise has worn off. I hope you have a boy so you get peed on for lying to us. (And I can say that bc my boy has not only peed into my face, but POOPED into my face. So that’s what you have to look forward to.)

Karen July 12, 2010 at 4:34 pm

How thrilling! Congratulations and glad to hear you are happy and healthy. Thanks for sharing this exciting news with us, especially via video.

Paula July 12, 2010 at 4:43 pm

I KNEW it!!!

Congratulations hon, I’m so happy for you!

Stephanie July 12, 2010 at 4:45 pm

I might be the only one, but I had no clue what your news would be. I thought maybe you were imersed in a top secret plan to overthrow Kardasian as the internet shoe queen.

Congrats!

Holly July 12, 2010 at 4:48 pm

YAY!!! I’m sooooooooo excited for you guys! How cute are you?!?!

Your content will change, it has to. Your mind changes when you become a mommy but it’s not a bad thing. Woo-hooo!!!!

Leah July 12, 2010 at 4:53 pm

Long time reader, first time commenter. Congrats and welcome back!! That video was adorable!

surferwife July 12, 2010 at 5:21 pm

Congrats ladyfriend. You are going to have a shit ton of Confessions for your Confessions of the Week with this pregnancy.

Welcome to the dark side. I hope you are as cool of a mom as I am. Or something.

Steph July 12, 2010 at 5:58 pm

Congrats MODG and B!!!! and how come your the only person who doesn’t look like a total fugly nutcase when you cry? The news was worth the wait – looking forward to the catch up!

Desiree July 12, 2010 at 6:22 pm

I’m so jealous!!!!

Aubrey July 12, 2010 at 6:42 pm

Congratulations hun!!!
You are THE CUTEST preggers lady EVER.
I’d have done the same thing…going MIA that is :)-
Enjoy eating…sleeping while you can.

AJ Collins July 12, 2010 at 7:02 pm

Good for you. I knew it would eventually happen!

I also sorta guessed that you were moving in that direction for ever ago… but I won’t be too smug.

CONGRATS!!!

Heather@MamaSass July 12, 2010 at 7:25 pm

Wahooo!
Super huge congratulations!

Eunice July 12, 2010 at 7:42 pm

I had a really shitty day, so I came back to read this again even though I read it on my phone this morning. I feel better now. :) Congrats pregnant Amanda and B!!!!!!

CK July 12, 2010 at 7:46 pm

Super awesome! Congratulations!

Did you say ‘he’?

katelin July 12, 2010 at 8:13 pm

don’t worry, i didn’t even have a clue so when i just saw your post i may or may not have squealed at my desk. also, i’m like the least observant and most gullible person so this surprise was awesome.

but YAY! congrats!! so excited for you two and i love that even brit brit had some input :)

SarahA July 12, 2010 at 8:19 pm

I thought you had some reality show cooking. For reals! But a rainbow puffy heart mini MODG is even better. And you will have the sparkliest placenta in all of womankind!! Congratulations, sososo happy for you!

yay! July 12, 2010 at 8:48 pm

This reminds me of your other “ugly” (aka adorably cute) cry in this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3UuAozMIKk

Congrats!!!

Marie July 12, 2010 at 9:00 pm

Well, at least your mommy blog will be entertaining. Congrats :)

Nikosmommy July 12, 2010 at 9:19 pm

Naturally your absence had something to do with procreation. That much was obvious. SO happy for you and B!!
Feel free to blog about Plankton till the cows come home (or in this case till the baby does!)
glad your back and congrats MAMA!!!

Shaina July 12, 2010 at 9:37 pm

I can’t lie … I TOTALLY knew you were knocked up. I figured that was the only reason you had disappeared! But I am SO thrilled for you – love the video reveal and how emotional you were/are. I am SO SO SO excited about MODG turning into a bit of a mommy blog (admit it, it’s bound to happen!) and I can’t wait to hear more about your pregnancy so far!!! CONGRATS!!!!!!!

rachel July 12, 2010 at 11:02 pm

congrats!!!!! babies are awesome! something that no one has mentioned is pregnancy brain which totally exists. if you havent experenced it yet, don’t worry you will. i became a complete moron with both pregnancies so i can’t wait to hear all the really dumb things you have done :) (and it just barely gets better after baby gets here :) )

i can’t wait for all the updates and to learn the next important thing… boy or girl :) and i have also missed you opinions on justfab and shoedazzle! how will i know what to do if you dont tell me? :)

congrats again!

my favorite and my best July 12, 2010 at 11:04 pm

congratulations on your future asian baby.
xoxox

AmyBlam July 12, 2010 at 11:16 pm

Oh my god-are you the fastest ever at getting knocked up?
You’re lucky with the not pooping. I haven’t stopped since I got pregnant and my child is 9.
I called her baby burrito when she was still inside me and bratchild pretty much since the second she was yanked out of my tummy.
Congrats!

Lil' Woman July 12, 2010 at 11:33 pm

Oh goodness….so you have picked Diaper Genies, well atleast for the next couple months/year.
I’m so excited for you and I’m happy your back…..can’t wait to hear the crazy stories from preggo-ness, if anyone is going to shoot the shit straight it’s you.

Extremely Witty July 12, 2010 at 11:35 pm

Amazing news! Congrats to the two of you!

Cat July 13, 2010 at 1:08 am

Best news ever! Congrats!!

And Big Boops’ comment about the DDD songs had me cracking up. Being a DDD alum, I thought her idea was absolutely GENIUS! You should definitely teach Plankton some crazy shit like that.

Mrs. P July 13, 2010 at 1:41 am

Sooo, I went away for a little, meaning you didn’t pop up on dashboard and I’ve been a shit reader anyway that I didn’t even know there still was a MODG. I thought it had disappeared from my reader and inevitably, my world. And then, today, MODG popped up again. And I was like holy sparkles I could really use some MODG in my life these days, and I come over here and see this.

I’m speechless.

On a serious note though, Congratulations!!!!!!!!

Your boobs are only going to get bigger. When I went maternity bra shopping they told me I’d probably end up at an F when “the milk came in” and when that happened they were so big I couldn’t put my arms down. Good luck standing up straight ;-) Can’t wait to follow the journey MODG style :)

Mandy July 13, 2010 at 7:44 am

I *heart* you, and I’m so glad your back with your belly full of fetus. Can’t wait to hear about the rest of the journey. Congrats, and welcome back to the interwebs x

Julie & Monkey Mae July 13, 2010 at 8:11 am

Yay! You must explore Hypnobirthing. All the hippies do it, including me with Monkey Mae. Twenty one hours and I only dropped one f-bomb, and that was because the doctor was stupid, not because of pain.

TheRandomBlogette July 13, 2010 at 9:35 am

Congrats! I absolutely love the reveal vlog! You are so cute you even made me cry a little! Yeah and good luck with the boobs! I was a DD when I got pregnant and I can’t even tell you what size I finally got up to because I refused to look at the tags any more. Now I am stuck with DDDs so good luck with that! Also, you are totally adorable with your baby bump!!

GB Girl July 13, 2010 at 10:41 am

Congratulations! That is wonderful news! So happy for you and B. :)
I understand your reasons for abandoning us and you are forgiven. Some things just need to be kept off the interwebs for awhile. There is no need to apologize for that.
Glad to see you back though. I have missed reading you and all your sparkly goodness.

jimaiemarie July 13, 2010 at 11:25 am

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! I am SO SO SO excited and happy for you! How adorable are you in your video, you almost made me cry woman! I am so looking forward to reading your past adventures leading up to the present – you are going to be SUCH a fun/crazy/hilarious mama, will the internetz be able to handle it?! I hope so! ;) much love to you MODGE, hooray!

jimaiemarie July 13, 2010 at 11:27 am

p.s. I really do know how to spell MODG…I don’t know what that “E” was for….and I can’t think of anything clever to say about it right now sooooo, yup!
Congrats again! Did I tell you how stupid cute you are as a preggers?? Well You are!
*peace love and baby sparkles*

Lindsey Lou! July 13, 2010 at 11:47 am

Congratulations on you and sparkling Jesus fetus. Hey listen, if he/she is born on Jesus 1.0 birthday, you should name him/her Jesus, pronounced Hay-sus.

Ally July 13, 2010 at 11:50 am

Congrats, love! We’ve missed you! You look fabulous–as always. Cannot wait to hear more about your sparkle fetus!

Meghan July 13, 2010 at 2:26 pm

CONGRATS!!! I am so happy for you and cannot WAIT to read your preggo stories. And so glad it’s B’s baby – what a relief!

Kimberly July 13, 2010 at 2:46 pm

Congrats, I wouldn’t have told either.

Melissa N. July 13, 2010 at 3:59 pm

CONGRATS! :) You look beyond adorable all knocked up! :) *lol*
Your video was great – in mine all I did was ramble about how freaked out I was about the whole situation and how the hell were we going to do it without anyone being near us and all alone.

abby July 13, 2010 at 9:15 pm

seriously. i thought you left us for good. and yet i knew you were gonna come back knocked up. you are my idol and i am dying for your posts on being pregs. welcome back and don’t leave again. thanks.

Milltini July 14, 2010 at 12:20 pm

Congrats! I am way behind the times here, but that is alright because you lied to our faces ;-) Just kidding, but seriously…could not be more happy for you!

Amy July 14, 2010 at 6:16 pm

YAY Planky!!!!!!

meredith July 14, 2010 at 6:27 pm

ahh ahhh ahhh ahhh, i took a small hiatus from blogging so i’m the way late train, but CONGRATS, amanda!!!! i’m so freaking happy for you and B. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!) :)

suri’s gonna freakin’ flip, you do realize that, don’t you??!

AHof July 15, 2010 at 5:13 pm

I still think you’re a DB for making me wait and actually focus on work instead of entertaining…. but I’m so happy to hear this news. Congrats to you and B and Planky…and the kitties!! I look forward to posts to come!

At least I'm skinny July 15, 2010 at 9:09 pm

I will say that I did not know it all along. I am not smart.

CONGRATS!

And that was the best internet blog video ever. I never watch those things but I watched yours. Britney just reeled me in.

Danielle July 17, 2010 at 1:53 pm

Just discovered your blog! It’s so funny!! I’m definitely a new follower.

Diana July 17, 2010 at 4:55 pm

Congrats, and happy weekend darling!!

Caitlin July 19, 2010 at 12:32 am

Ohmygosh, this is hilariously written. Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Salt July 19, 2010 at 4:03 pm

OMG you just did such a good impression of me at the beginning of this post.
I’m totally happy for you and B. And you are so adorable in your little preggo smallness.
When I’m 4 months pregnant, I’m sure I’ll be roughly the size of a crossover SUV.\

CONGRATULATIONS, MODG!!!!

Angela Noelle August 5, 2011 at 8:11 am

You’re adorable.

Cosby February 8, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Hi! I’m new to your blog and obsessed! In this entry, you talk about your entries about convincing B to reproduce and buying a ton of ovulation sticks, but I can’t find those entries. Anyone want to point me in the right direction?

Just read 2 hours of your blog .. hilarious.

Dawn May 11, 2012 at 10:41 am

Yay! So I already knew you had G, but I came late to the party! I am reading all your old posts to catch up :)

Did you take down the video??

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