I'm funny

My life was threatened on the California Coast. Good thing I’m a squirrel genius.

March 24, 2010

California is stupid beautiful.

Yesterday B and I spent the day driving up the coast from LA to San Jose. We saw some of the most insane awesome sights I have ever seen. I pretty much expected 12 rainbows to shoot out of a mountain next to the unicorn breeding farm that definitely existed in this land of mystery and wonder. It was maximum sparkle magic. And during a time of reflection, when I asked B what his favorite part of the drive was, he said:
the ocean squirrel.

Apparently B is a squirrel whisperer.

But only with ocean squirrels.

B and I don’t see eye to eye on squirrels.

But B misses his cats and needs a friend. So he gives the bush tailed rat some lunch.

Then like out of Squirrels on a Plane, they start multiplying. The ocean squirrel is all, hey everyone, I found some asshole to give us food and he thinks that we’re friendly. Let’s lunge at their throats when they aren’t looking and steal their car.

Um, no.

Not on my watch ocean rat.

That thing had it in for me and was ready to strike. B may be a naive friend to the rats but I am no gullible rat friend. That squirrel was forming a brigade and a plan and I had to make a decision.

And the decision was to get in the car, lock the doors and drive away at 80mph in case they had transportation and weapons.

So yes, B’s favorite part of super fancy 9 day coastal vacation?

The squirrel.

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  • At least I'm skinny March 24, 2010 at 8:07 pm

    First, ultra fun pics. You look very fabulous on the beach.

    Second, I now have a cat so can I be in your ultra exclusive cat club?

  • Dual Mom March 24, 2010 at 8:11 pm

    Ha as I looked at the first pic of B and the ocean rat I was thinking to myself, “Does the dude not know those things are vicious?”

    Good call Amanda!

  • Oughta Say No March 24, 2010 at 8:21 pm

    This post, and the action shot of you jumping away from the “ocean rat” MADE MY DAY!

  • Sarah March 24, 2010 at 8:21 pm

    It is so hilarious to see this – because two years ago my husband and I were driving up the Pacific Coast Highway from LA to San Francisco – and we totally interacted with the ocean squirrel!! I was preggers and had bad morning sickness. They liked the saltine crackers I offered them. They're so docile!!

  • Julie March 24, 2010 at 8:21 pm

    alright missy, now that you survived the squirrels, imma need you to start doing outfit posts. i think it's the least you can do for Jesus who obviously saved you from the squirrels.

    but fo real, you are a poster woman for vacation chic.

    p.s. the gray squirrel is the NC state animal. B would fit in here.

  • MiMi March 24, 2010 at 8:28 pm

    We have a lot of those rats at the beach here in Oregon.
    Whenever you get outta your car on the west coast by the beach, expect to be attacked. They want your food. Cuz dipshits, er…people think it's cute to feed the little bastards. All I can think of is fleas, rabies and malaria.

  • P March 24, 2010 at 8:34 pm

    Personally I quite like squirrels.

    That being said, if I was being surrounded by an army of them, I would probably freak.

  • Mainland Streel March 24, 2010 at 8:35 pm

    You look terrified in the last picture! Good thing you have a “squirrel whisperer” to save you! :)

  • Molly March 24, 2010 at 8:50 pm

    Holy Crap. Looks like something out of Kung Fu Panda.

  • Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic March 24, 2010 at 8:54 pm

    The landscape is amazing… at first I was all, AWWWW SQUIRRELS!!! Then I saw the last picture and your description of them lunging and realized that is EXACTLY what they would have done to me so um… NO THANK YOU SQUIRRELS!

  • EL March 24, 2010 at 9:12 pm

    oh my godddddd MODG i should have not read this post in the library it was so hard to laugh quietly lol! we have a shitload of squirrels on our beach (santabarbara ish area) and i used to try to make them my friends until my mom told me i would get rabies if i touched them! cant wait to see your bay area/nor cal city pics!

  • Erin @ YoungForever March 24, 2010 at 9:27 pm

    Wise decision…I'm with you on NEVER trusting squirrels.

    When I was 10 and my parents made me go on a camping trip, a squirrel threw a pinecone at me from a tree and cut my leg. I'm talking blood and everything. No Joke. To this day I hate squirrels.

  • sarah March 24, 2010 at 9:31 pm

    B probably has rabies now.

  • Ashley @ KiwisandCocktails March 24, 2010 at 10:07 pm


  • jules March 24, 2010 at 10:19 pm

    Squirrels are the bane of my existence. They keep moving into our walls and the landlord wont do anything about it. We are moving. Glad you escaped. Cute shoes too!

  • Kiera March 24, 2010 at 10:24 pm

    I don't know how b captured that pic of you, but that was photographer's genius. GENIUS.

  • Sara March 24, 2010 at 10:27 pm

    I don't trust wildlife of any kind.

    I'm glad you had the good sense to punt the little suckers.

  • DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom March 24, 2010 at 10:32 pm

    B has the squirrel magic, yo.

    That's actually pretty cool. Besides, beach going squirrels are usually stoned and very chill. Not like the poisonous and insane squirrels of the east coast.

  • Southern Aspirations March 24, 2010 at 10:53 pm

    OMG you crack me up. Looks like you're having a fabulous time!

  • Juliana March 24, 2010 at 11:03 pm

    You always make me laugh, that last picture was classic! Where did you get your shoes by the way?

  • Brittney March 24, 2010 at 11:03 pm

    Lol great pic!! Too funny, i love the one of you about to run away from the squirrel!!

  • "Julie" March 24, 2010 at 11:19 pm

    haha this made me die a little since I LOVE squirrels and would've been trying to teach them tricks that texas squirrels know about….freaky, yes. I too consider myself a squirrel whisperer…

  • boops March 25, 2010 at 12:02 am

    a squirrel nearly ran me out of golden gate park in SF…west coast squirrels are mean

  • Bailey March 25, 2010 at 6:46 am

    Looks like you caught a serious case of the skinnies in California…must have been all that running from ocean rats/chasing Suri around all day

  • Cee March 25, 2010 at 8:32 am

    Ahhh! squirrels are super creepy. One chased me once.

  • Michelle aka Mommy March 25, 2010 at 8:58 am

    i think i know what's going on here – ocian squirrels do not like asians. that's your problem.

    i LOVE cali! so much! (my baby's daddy is also from cali – so cal) would you ever move there? you seem like you would fit in, but at the same time you're like a total North East chick.

    things that make you go hmmmm….

  • Sarah RDH March 25, 2010 at 9:25 am

    I'm impressed B got the shot of you running away from the bush tail rat. Good work B!

  • I am Trish Marie March 25, 2010 at 9:29 am

    Send him to ZDub's. She has been trying to catch that damn chupacabra/jackalope/thing for weeks, and all she has succeeded in doing is making it fat on bread. Obviously, she needs B.

  • Stephanie March 25, 2010 at 9:39 am

    Rabid squirrels???? They have NEVER EVER gotten that close to us EVER! lol I would have ran!

  • Kim March 25, 2010 at 10:03 am

    That shit made me laugh out loud. great one, love the squirrel

  • Brittany March 25, 2010 at 10:15 am

    BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! this is TOO funny! Pretty sure I HATE squirels. Gross. Just glorified rats if you ask me! :) That picture of B is pretty cute though… but the one of you is even cuter. Looks like you are turning ninja on that rats ass! :)

  • Eunice March 25, 2010 at 10:24 am

    Me and B are on the same page on this one. Squirrels are damn cute. I used the feed the ones at my bf's old apartment, but then they started congregating and would follow him out to his car. Squirrels love pinto beans, btw.

  • Mrs. Newlywed Giggles March 25, 2010 at 11:05 am

    I'm surprised the squirrel even got close to you guys. Here in NJ, the squirrels run away from people… and they also run in front of cars. Funny, I just posted a blog about squirrels and cars.

  • amy kelinda March 25, 2010 at 11:22 am

    This is so awesome. I love how you look like you're about to lay down some Screaming Monkey Kara-tay on that Ocean Squirrel's ass. See? I KNEW you were Asian. (because only Asians know karate, of course)

  • Becky Mochaface March 25, 2010 at 11:45 am

    Has B never seen that Geico commercial (I think it's Geico) where the squirrels cause an accident and then are all high fiving and doing the secret squirrel handshake? Because they are devious creatures, those rats with prettier suits.

  • Theresa Milstein March 25, 2010 at 11:49 am

    I've already learned not to trust city squirrels. Now I'll add ocean squirrels to my list.

  • Carol {Everyday Delights} March 25, 2010 at 12:21 pm

    haha! That squirrel really liked him!

  • Renee March 25, 2010 at 12:22 pm

    awesome action shot, there!

  • ZDub March 25, 2010 at 12:49 pm

    Please send B to my house so he can lure Napoleon inside with his sparkle squirrel magic.

  • Mommy Lisa March 25, 2010 at 1:00 pm

    My hubby shoots squirrels with his air rifle. Dirty Rats with Cuter Outfits.

  • smashleigh March 25, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    I LOVE your squirrel dance! I hate ground squirrels also. Fleas, rabbies, and malaria is right! My husband traps them at work then LETS THEM GO…AT THE PARK. I'm like, “I take our daughter to that park!” Luckily, in Nor-Cal we also have cute fluffy gray squirrels, and an occasional black one.
    If you are going to pass through Redding we should meet so I can tell you to your face how awesome and sparkley* I think you are.
    *rejected by the dictionary, w/e

  • Christina In Wonderland March 25, 2010 at 2:41 pm

    Aw! But I like the squirrels! They aren't evil.

    They're cute!

  • Salt March 25, 2010 at 4:53 pm

    Awww but look how cute it is all up on it's hind legs trying to sniff B's finger!

    Or maybe I'm reading this all wrong and squirrel is about to rip B's finger off in a bloodthirsty rage of madness.

  • PeaceLoveApplesauce March 25, 2010 at 5:23 pm

    Who knew squirrels were so friendly??

    PS. Cute flip flops!

  • juskaulani March 25, 2010 at 6:39 pm

    Points for him, he'd be a cheap date. (;

  • Kristin March 25, 2010 at 8:03 pm

    That thing was dying to give you rabies.

  • Jenny DB March 26, 2010 at 12:23 am

    aaaw i love your squirrel loving bf. i would totally feed the bush tailed rats :-)

  • KK March 26, 2010 at 12:38 am

    Squirrels are evil, vile little potty mouths!

  • Vodka Logic March 26, 2010 at 3:07 am

    I guess even squirrels in LA/CA are all peace and love too.

  • Jaime @ La vie...J'aime March 26, 2010 at 11:07 am

    LOL that last pic is hysterical….squirrels freak me out.

  • Clemson Girl March 26, 2010 at 12:22 pm

    You *obviously* have way more squirrel knowledge than B and were very right about their intensions. Squirrels around here are even fiercer. They don't wait for the food. They swipe it from you right out of your hand before you can say, “want a piece?” So rude.

  • Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman March 26, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    I am glad you survived your wildlife adventure due to your quick thinking! B needs his own show on Animal Planet.

  • Monique-aka-Surferwife23 March 26, 2010 at 3:45 pm

    Yeah, they are up and down the entire coast here.

    Where was that? Pismo?

  • Elle March 26, 2010 at 6:27 pm

    LOL, the image of rainbows and breeding unicorns along the cost made me giggle like a little miss piggle wiggle ! And those are some ferocious squirrels.

  • my name is lauren. March 28, 2010 at 1:43 am

    i'm absolutely terrified of squirrels. i've blogged about it on numerous occasions, so i can say with absolutely certainty that you made the right decision.

    creepy squirrels.

  • my name is lauren. March 28, 2010 at 1:44 am

    i am absolutely terrified of squirrels. i've blogged about it on numerous occasions. so i have to say with 100% certainty that you made the right decision to get the hell out of there.

    creepy squirrels.

  • designstiles October 3, 2010 at 4:33 am

    “A squirrel is just a rat in a cuter outfit.”