I'm funny

B has declared war. Little does he know I have the internet on my side.*WARNING* There is math in this post

March 16, 2010

First, thank you for coming to my rescue last night. You saved me from the devil and for that I’m very grateful. So grateful in fact, that I wrote you this awesome post of fantastic.

Daylight savings time has ruined my brain and life. All day I’m like, B! its 930! (when the clock “says” its 1030) and then I’m like, B! its 1030! (when the clock “says” its 1130). You get where I’m going with this. So then I’m all, B I CAN’T SLEEP I CAN’T SLEEP I CAN’T SLEEP IT’S SO EARLY THIS ISN’T RIGHT TIME HAS BEEN STOLEN FROM ME. And then, what do you know… B can’t sleep either. And now he’s talking to me about a sore on his tongue and how I’m a terrible bed sharer.


For the life record and internet record and all other records, B is the WORSTESTESTSEST bed sharer the planet and it’s beds have ever seen. And to prove my point, we’re making a chart about it. And the internet will decide who wins the battle of worst bed sleeper sharer.

To begin, please be advised of the following

  • I am 5’2’’ and petite. B is 6’4’’ and the opposite of petite. Already, point for me. Mathematics says I am 4/5th’s as annoying as B. MATH WINS. Go ahead, check my work.
  • Every single night of our sleeping lives, we need one full boxed size industrial fan on high (even in the dead of winter) and also a very loud and rude humidifier (that really does nothing but scream throughout the night and emit no sort of humidity at all) These machines solely exist in our sleeping lives to drown out the sound of B’S LOUD CONSTANT NON STOP NOSE MOUTH BREATHING SNORING SONGS.  I was like, B…you should sew a tennis ball in the back of your shirt so you don’t WANT to sleep on your back and you roll onto your side automatically. Because you know it’s annoying for me to have to roll you over every 30 seconds like corn on the grill. B was all, F that shit. I like sleeping on my back (!!!!!!) I could have said a fork.
  • B farts, under the blankets, all night long. It’s the cruelest. Think corporal punishment cruel.
  • Now B SAYS that I steal blankets. Whatever. I don’t and even if I did, that is not annoying because I’m so little so I can’t really do any sort of damage.  And he should love watching me sleep and thank sparkles that he gets to wake up for just a moment to stare at me resting nicely like in that Aerosmith song. 

Ok here’s the chart:

OK friends. Your call. Who is the worst bed sharer?
I’m proposing a solution of separate bed rooms like the did in ancient king and queen times (you can see my depiction above) with a ‘MEET UP’ room for pizza and songs.

Remember your loyalty friends.

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  • Brndoutw8ress March 16, 2010 at 7:40 am

    You win! Just him farting under the covers makes him a loser, we don't even need the other points. Nice charting by the way, I didn't check the math but I'm sure Einstein would agree that B is the Worst bed sharer in the land. You could try the 2 single beds like back in the days of The Donna Reed show!

  • nic March 16, 2010 at 7:50 am

    You win. But personally, I think Danny Tanner is the worst bedsharer ever.

  • Shannon March 16, 2010 at 7:51 am

    I've been pushing for bunk beds (I get top!) probably since Mike and I moved in together before we were married! Mike just mouth breathes stinky oatmeal breath on me in the night… you have it WAY worse!

  • Chic 'n Cheap Living March 16, 2010 at 8:02 am

    You totally win – large, smelly, and noisy man vs. petite woman with nice shoes – it's a no brainer. Love your newish profile pic btw.

  • Brown Girl March 16, 2010 at 8:15 am

    You win just like I win in my bed war with a 6'5″ giant and a 12 pound dog= no room for me!!!!

  • Emma March 16, 2010 at 8:17 am

    Clearly your pie chart sums it all up, especially the smiley blue part. I think Danny Tanner would agree that you are the winner.

  • MODG March 16, 2010 at 8:31 am

    Nic and Emma, you have no idea how proud I am. It's shooting out of my heart.

  • Jan Ross March 16, 2010 at 8:34 am

    You WIN. I won years ago and we went to separate bedrooms when our kids grew up and flew the nest. At first, this seems weird but then you grow to LOVE having your own room. And we still meet up for pizza and songs. And other stuff. And it's been 32 years. So something is working.

  • shannon March 16, 2010 at 8:35 am

    you CLEARLY win. my fiance does ALL of those things, except be large (that sounds bad, and he'd kill me for writing that) but anyways, DO THE TENNIS BALL THING. i have never heard of this, and i roll him over allll night, and now i am going to do the tennis ball thing. just sew it into all of his sleeptime shirts so he has no choice.
    p.s. if it's hot and you need a fan, he shouldn't care if you have all the covers. so double-win.

  • Rach March 16, 2010 at 8:35 am

    Farting under the covers trumps all other behaviors as worst bed-buddy manners EVER. Here is a little story to prove my point: once upon a time I got a well-intentioned goodnight hug that was unfortunately timed with a nuclear fart. Meaning: I got a full frontal Dutch Oven, and I actually, literally threw up in my mouth because it was so bad. He and I are no longer together.

    So B the moral of the story is: bed farts are SBD homewreckers. Be careful!!

  • LC March 16, 2010 at 8:36 am

    During an episode of Full House one time, Danny Tanner said the way to get an annoying man to stop snoring [I'm assuming he shared his bed with either Jesse Katsopolis or Joey Gladstone?] is to kick the living shit out him 10.9 seconds. Eventually, said snorer will get enough bruises on his shins to learn his lesson. Or not.

  • Deborah March 16, 2010 at 8:42 am

    You definately win. He has to be more considerate and cannot poop under the sheets!!! Very funny and your graph is perfect!

  • Officially Mrs. March 16, 2010 at 8:44 am

    It's so obvious! You win.

  • MODG March 16, 2010 at 8:44 am


  • my favorite and my best March 16, 2010 at 8:46 am

    danny tanner's mom snores loudest.

  • LeeAnn March 16, 2010 at 8:46 am

    You clearly win, based on your amazing graphing skills. On a side note we should be bffs for the following reasons: 1. my soon-to-be-husband also is far taller and farts in bed (we could commiserate) 2. I am (half) Asian and 3. Danny Tanner.

  • Mandy Imnotfamous Moore March 16, 2010 at 8:47 am

    I feel your pain. My pain-in-the ass boyfriend is 6'8, 265 lbs. Danny Tanner.

  • MODG March 16, 2010 at 8:48 am

    you all love me, you really love me. and most importantly danny tanner.

  • Vic March 16, 2010 at 8:49 am

    Danny Tanner would be in favor of separate bedrooms if his wife were still alive.

    Holla to shortness! Shorties unite. Not like shawtys, just short people

  • jv726 March 16, 2010 at 9:01 am

    Danny Tanner and I think that B needs to stop being annoying (and gross)! If my husband farted under the covers I would kick his ass out of bed.
    The separate bedrooms would solve lots of problems, except it would make it harder to make babies when you want to do that :)

  • mrs. darling March 16, 2010 at 9:01 am

    oh my word, my husband is like B. snores, farts, and hogs the stupid bed. I CANNOT STAND IT. so i kick him a lot and roll him over really hard. and once i hit him with a pillow. so that means, YOU WIN.

    i bet danny tanner isn't a bed hog. but maybe jesse katsopolis is because he doesn't want anyone to mess up his hair. but when you're that hot you can be a bed hog.

  • Rachel McPhillips March 16, 2010 at 9:17 am

    The under the cover farts are the WORST. Hubs does it and then waits for me the sniff and then dies laughing. I am a receiver of the cover stealer and it sucks, but the WORST is when Hubs is cuddling and then starts snoring in my ear. SO, the snoring is the deal breaker. You win. He should give you whatever you want!

  • jules March 16, 2010 at 9:31 am

    There is NOTHING more annoying than snoring, so don't worry, but just for giggles, it would be totally fun to have a guest post from B to defend himself. Don't worry, we will all still side with you no matter what he says!

  • Sheridan French March 16, 2010 at 9:33 am

    B is Danny Tanner. You are Uncle Jesse. And we all know who is cooler.

  • chittychittybangkok March 16, 2010 at 9:34 am

    I did Danny Tanner once in the 80s but since he couldn't handle the fact that I fart under the covers I had to kick him to the curb. I'm totally on your side, since I'm 5'2″ and live in Asia (therefore Asian), but I do have to throw a little farts-under-the-covers love B's way. Holla.

  • jescady.com March 16, 2010 at 9:35 am

    B sounds just like my husband, all giant and annoying. My husband is huge and radiates heat at 110 degrees Fahrenheit the minute he falls asleep and steals all the covers. So I'm on my sliver of bed, freezing just trying to catch a bit of his warmth. Giant dudes are the worstest bed sharers EVER! I win. Oh I mean YOU win.

  • Dollface March 16, 2010 at 9:41 am

    well… I snore… sooo I must be the most annoying sleeper with a light sleeper!! but I hate bed and blanket hogs, xxxoo

  • SG March 16, 2010 at 9:45 am

    You win b/c your situation sounds just like mine, my fiance who is a foot taller than me hogs the bed, snores and farts while I 'alledgely' steal the covers. I actually kicked his ass out of bed last night to go sleep in the guest room.

  • Kiera March 16, 2010 at 9:49 am

    if for no other reason, you win because you thought up the idea of sewing a tennis ball to the back of his shirt. i died and peed all at once.

  • Lil' Woman March 16, 2010 at 9:50 am


    Big Man is a massive bed stealer with his tall, lanky frame. I might snore but he steals pillows and blankets!

  • Whitney March 16, 2010 at 9:54 am

    You win!

    I have the same problem with P except he only snores when he is wasted… but his farting is excessive. I paid him back the other night. Twice. Maybe he'll thinkin twixe in the future? … doubt it.

  • KEEKS March 16, 2010 at 9:59 am

    danny tanner is the one who taught steph to say, “how rude!” that is totally what b is being, rude. meet up room for pizza times!

  • Gini March 16, 2010 at 10:02 am

    What about one of those nose strip things that helps people stop storing? Danny Tanner said it worked for him.

  • Cathy March 16, 2010 at 10:02 am

    I swear to Danny Tanner you are sleeping in my bed. JT does the LOUD CONSTANT NON STOP NOSE MOUTH BREATHING SNORING SONGS too. Hate it. I just push him over, but I like the tennis ball idea.

    And B is the worst bed sharer, so you win. I wrote a similar post once and JT got mad at all my internet friends for siding with me. Well, too bad for him.

  • Cee March 16, 2010 at 10:10 am

    You win by far. Although I fart under the covers I don't fan them at K like he does to me.

  • Fabulocity in Amish Country March 16, 2010 at 10:18 am

    Clearly, the pie chart and the bed picture describe your pain in full detail. He is truly the horrible bed sharer. It is true! I sympathize with you….

    Bed fart sparkles to you! :)

  • MODG March 16, 2010 at 10:24 am

    I read once that Danny Tanner was the worst bed sharer. But his full house wife was dead so I wonder who the source was?

  • Luz March 16, 2010 at 10:31 am

    “roll over every 30 seconds like corn on a grill” LOVE IT. And you win. My husband snores all night long so I feel your pain. He didn't before, but then he gained some weight and I'm afraid to tell him that me + sleep = him getting the lard off his ass once and for all.

  • rachel elizabeth March 16, 2010 at 10:35 am

    i think we might have the same husband. i mean, clearly… we don't because that would just be effed up, but you win. you SO win.

    my husband is 6'3, i'm 5'2 and his freaking mass is just… inconvenient. and the snoring, oh the snoring. jesus. is it wrong that i'm dreading sharing my bed again when he gets home? i mean, i have a spare bedroom.

  • Cassie March 16, 2010 at 10:37 am

    I'm still stuck on the whole time has been stolen from me thing cause it is like you read my mind.

  • Sarah RDH March 16, 2010 at 10:41 am

    Ummm I'm pretty sure may be married to the same man??? Weirds. 'm obviously on your side. My hubs does the dutch oven as well, steals blankets, then gets pissed when I yank them back, SWEATS profusely and for some reason thinks I want to CUDDLE in that sweat, and also sees nothing wrong with BREATHING on me. I CANNOT STAND ANYONE IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE BREATHING ON ME. NOT EVEN CLOONEY. That's how much I dislike it. Oh and he also purposely sets his alarm for 45 MINUTES before he has to be up and lets it go off for a minimum of 10 min before he gets up to hit the snooze. Wouldn't a better idea be to just set it for the correct time & let us all have an extra 45 min. of GOOD sleep, not me being pissed off and kicking him to get the fuck up, and then him going off about me kicking him at 4pm?????

  • ZDub March 16, 2010 at 10:42 am

    I divorced my first husband, Danny Tanner, because that mofo wouldn't stop snoring ALL NIGHT LONG in my face.

  • HoustonGurly March 16, 2010 at 10:52 am

    My husband is just as bad to sleep with… snores, steals covers and is generally large as well. Danny Tanner couldn't even put up with all that crap!

  • Becky Mochaface March 16, 2010 at 10:58 am

    It's obvious you win! Farting is bad but I canNOT handle a snorer. DF just slightly starts breathing heavy and I'm kicking him to wake him up so he'll roll over.

  • Salt March 16, 2010 at 10:59 am

    This is pretty much the first time I have understood math. I definitely think B wins for worst bed sharer.

    Mostly all very tall people, including Danny Tanner, are terrible bed sharers anyway.

  • The Only Girl March 16, 2010 at 11:01 am

    I have the same snoring/farting issues. Which is why I use earplugs on a nightly basis. It's the only way I get any sleep peace.

    Maybe we should start a club. Me, you and Danny Tanner.

  • Mainland Streel March 16, 2010 at 11:15 am

    No contest! You are, hands down, the less annoying bed mate. :)

  • NicholeCamarillo.com March 16, 2010 at 11:18 am

    I don't know why guys fart so much, and I don't care. I mean, that alone wouldn't be so bad but they even think it's hilarious. But it's not hilarious. It's gross. OMG! And last week… My bf and I were in bed sleeping, right? Ugh… Then I wake up… *hears noises* “What is that?” *stays absolutely still in order to properly decipher noises and (wake him up so he can) attack* “Damnit. What iiis that…” So at this point I can't figure out the source and I tell myself he needs to be woken up to do his guy thing where his ears perk up and he ninjas around the house and finds nothing and tells me it's safe to sleep again. BUT! As I'm turning over toward him (we usually end up back to back), I hear something else. “What…is… wait a minute.. is he laughing?” I creep in more and peek over his shoulder to be sure of the situation. Yes. He is laughing in his sleep. Big smile, faint childish 'I can't believe I'm getting away with this' laugh. Okay, weird. But… cute? I wonder what he's dreaming about. Hmm. Yeah, okay, maybe I won't wake him up. Because- “Wait a minute… that other sound… is… loude- WTF YOURE TOTALLY FARTING ON ME AND LAUGHING ABOUT IT IN YOUR SLEEP!!! AAGGGGH!!!!”

    YEAH. He was ACTUALLY sleeping. And farting on me. And laughing about it. …*Sigh*

    Anyway, I typed too many words because I'm easily distracted. All I meant to say was Danny Tanner.

  • Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic March 16, 2010 at 11:26 am

    If I had a dime for every time my boyfriend and I argue over who is the worst about hogging the bed, I'd be rich enough to build you a princess edition on your home where you could reside and he could visit but not sleep! Seriously!

    I'm going with you being a great sharer and B being not so much… he lost the battle the minute you stated how tall he was to your small frame. Besides GIRLS WIN EVERY TIME!

    I like your Tennis Ball Idea, a lot! I might need to add that to M's PJ collection … only question is how do I stick that to his bare back – he doesn't wear tshirts to bed. Damn nose snoring!!!

  • Kaela March 16, 2010 at 11:32 am

    Dizzle also accuses me of stealing the covers and hogging the bed and I'm like That's funny, in the way that you're a big fat lying hypocritical cover stealer. I am also small and he is also large. He also snores to the point that I've developed pet names for each different type of snoring song (papa bear, mama bear and baby bear, smoke signals is my personal favorite because he snores through his mouth and makes popping noises) and when I urge him to roll over I name the snore so he will know to what degree I am annoyed. (I.e., papa bear means he better roll over stat or he will be junk punched).

    So obvi, you win.

  • jessalyn March 16, 2010 at 11:39 am

    manfriend is 6'6″ so i feel your pain. may i recommend separate blankets? that's what we do. he has his to fart under and do whatever he feels necessary and i have my nice better blanket to keep all clean and wonderful.
    oh and manfriend works the overnight shift, so he is only home like two nights a week, which is super rad. have b get a night job.
    also, i have to say i am surprised to see how many people did not address danny tanner. i mean that's like not popping bubble wrap. like, how do you not do it?

  • Veronica Marcetti Dimick March 16, 2010 at 11:57 am

    Men are automatically the worst bed sharers. No math needed. It is biologically ingrained into them to be stinky and loud and inconsiderate while sleeping. Also, I find it cruel that when they wake up and you tell them what they have done, they deny it and are like “no care. ever.”

    I think the REAL solution is not separate rooms, but finding ways to MAKE them care about their behaviors. I am thinking a spray water bottle like some people use to train their cats? When you have properly sleep-trained your husband, just think of me and smile.

    Have a sparkly day now that the devil has been shooed away from your blog!

  • Lluvia March 16, 2010 at 11:58 am

    ha! husband and i stopped sharing the blanket. we each have our own!! i wonder if danny tanner was a blanket hog…

  • Brittany March 16, 2010 at 12:05 pm

    THE WINNER IS…. YOU! (of course!) I think you should let him tell his side of the story (not that it would matter)! I just think it would be SUPER funny!

  • Kim March 16, 2010 at 12:07 pm

    Danny Tanner, I wish I could sleep alone everynight but that's not what married people do.

  • shannon March 16, 2010 at 12:07 pm

    i already commented, but i just got it, so DANNY TANNER. there. :)

  • girl March 16, 2010 at 12:15 pm

    danny tanner totally thinks B is a bed hog. also, what's with humidifiers being so noisy? mine makes noise when it's not on!

  • MiMi March 16, 2010 at 12:20 pm

    Ugh, the mouth breathing weirdness. Have you ever watched it?? The lips sorta go out and make a “phew” sound. Drives me NUTS.
    Danny Tanner!! He rocks.

  • Nikosmommy March 16, 2010 at 12:28 pm

    A meet up room is the way to go…for pizza and songs, and potential baby-making. Separate beds allll the way. (works for my parents and they've been HAPPILY married for 38 years.)

  • Taylorvillegirl March 16, 2010 at 12:30 pm

    You are clearly the winner. Math proves it. Plus, I support anyone who is also a victim of the torturous snoring, farting and blanket stealing. MB breathes right on my face every night! Drives me insane!! I'm totally doing the tennis ball thing. That is the best idea. Ever. You're like a super math, Macgyver genius.

  • Amanda March 16, 2010 at 12:31 pm

    Even without a chart, you win. Because I'm, too, married to a abnormally large, farting snore-songer. I feel your pain.

  • BakerGirl March 16, 2010 at 12:53 pm

    You are so the winner…

    I hate when J falls asleep before me because once he starts snoring I can't fall asleep. It's like a race to get in bed and pass out first!

  • maggieoneday March 16, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    I didn't realize how lucky I am! My boyfriend lets me steal all the blankets, gives me most of the bed, it's easy to get him to stop snoring, and he NEVER farts on me. Yay! I wonder if Danny Tanner does any of these things.

  • Rebecca March 16, 2010 at 1:51 pm

    wow, I guess we all have the same problem. you definitely win. all of us who have left comments on here are clearly the winning person in their beds. my linebacker boyfriend takes up ALL the space, and does the sweats thing, and breathes loudly, and even though we both fart under the covers (yes, really f-ing gross nights, sometimes), he drools too! yuck.

    girls rule and boys drool. literally.

  • miss bee March 16, 2010 at 1:52 pm

    in the words of danny tanner's middle daughter, “HOW RUDE!”

  • Christina In Wonderland March 16, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    You actually lose, because you don't fight back. If it were me, I'd totally try to beat him at his own game- let HIM know how annoying he is by doing stuff he can't stand. And farting challenges are always funny…

    But you are the better bedsharer because you're more nicer and stuff. :)

    Kind of. 😀

  • Jaime March 16, 2010 at 2:29 pm

    Math doesn't lie. You win! Other than like, night walking/driving etc, NOTHING is more annoying than snoring. NOTHING! I am so very blessed to have found a NON SNORER! And he is by no means a little man: 6'1″ 220 lb Marine! I am 5'3″ and 130 lbs.

    Infact if we were to break it down, I might lose the bed sharer contest. We both fart and think its hilarious, so thats a wash. He gains a kajillion points for being a non-snoring male. I do the croccodile death roll with the covers leaving him shivering, but he does fnd it necessary to lay in the MIDDLE of the bed! And its only a queen size. So really I guess we are even.

  • AB Photography March 16, 2010 at 2:32 pm

    You win, Hands down. Even Danny Tanner would agree. I'm in the same boat, I wonder how long I have to be married until its acceptable to sleep in the guest room like my mom does. I lay awake at night (because of MY B) and think about our guest bed. like an affair.

  • "Julie" March 16, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    my ex boyfriend was big, (played baseball, and wasn't cole hamels, but still super tall) not only would he LATCH himself to my body in a death grip, but he was HOT. Like yes, he was physically hot, but he was HEAT ROCK in his sleep. SO he would sweat and emit all this hot heat onto me, and I couldn't get away because he would DEATH GRIP snuggle me. The WORST.

  • sarah March 16, 2010 at 2:40 pm

    Danny Tanner would be an amaze balls bed partner.

    I think we know where I stand on this issue…
    (1) Boys & girls should never share toilets, closets, suitcases or covers.

    (2) Farting when I am in the bed automatically disqualifies you from sharing a bed with me. Bad news for you, B.

    (3) It's not your fault if you have to steal covers because you have less body fat than the giant next to you.

    If B has any questions or concerns, he can feel free to e-mail me.

  • Miss E March 16, 2010 at 3:37 pm

    Danny Tanner says F sharing a bed, a queen deserves her own lair. And that a meetup room for pizza and songs is about as awesome as it gets. B, sorry you lose.


  • amy kelinda March 16, 2010 at 3:50 pm

    The fact that he snores automatically means that he's the worse bedsharer. END OF ARGUMENT.

  • Meat Sweats March 16, 2010 at 4:40 pm

    Farting under the covers is bad. You win.

    Danny Tanner would be proud.

  • Shandal March 16, 2010 at 5:04 pm

    Aren't you sneaky!? I double heart Danny Tanner and you! Therefore, you win. Plus I don't understand how someone of your size could possibly be a bad bed sharer. B better have some proof to show in tomorrows rebuttal.

  • Megan March 16, 2010 at 5:06 pm

    Danny Tanner

  • Carol {Everyday Delights} March 16, 2010 at 5:19 pm

    B and Danny Tanner are totally worse bed sharers!

  • The SSS Sophisticate March 16, 2010 at 5:27 pm

    Danny Tanner and B need to share a twin bed in another room. You need your beauty sleep to dream of sparkles and Suri.

  • AJ March 16, 2010 at 6:21 pm

    I think you must be less annoying.

    I'm not sure about having your own rooms… it seems a bit lonely.

    :) Based on your chart, I think I must be pretty annoying… I think I am a back snorer. Stupid genes.

  • melissa March 16, 2010 at 6:24 pm

    you totally win weather it's bias or not! hahah

  • tpos March 16, 2010 at 6:27 pm

    Danny Tanner would say Kimmy Gibbler

  • Ells March 16, 2010 at 6:29 pm

    Whenever he snores, you should punch him in his Danny Tanner.

  • Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic March 16, 2010 at 7:31 pm

    NOW the DT totally makes sense… ZING!

    For the record… I always, always, ALWAYS shake M when he snores or shove him or yell his name until he wakes up. There's no sense in just me missing out on a good nights sleep 😉

  • Jen March 16, 2010 at 8:22 pm

    Sharing a bed with Danny Tanner would be 150% annoying. 175% if he brought all of his over-hairsprayed daughters with him.

  • Lindsay March 16, 2010 at 8:30 pm

    Danny Tanner would definitely not be down with farting in the bed.

  • Meghan March 16, 2010 at 9:30 pm

    I usually flick my husband in the face when he snores. That, or push him over. He doesn't like it. I bet if Danny Tanner were here, we would take the last five minutes of this episode to resolve this conflict peacefully, because family comes first.

  • Ashley @ KiwisandCocktails March 16, 2010 at 10:36 pm

    Snoring is yuck. I am the farter…so I wont say that is the most annoying. It is for my poor husband though.
    Um, the time difference is horrible…esp after a marathon jersey shore drunken party as well. Those 2 things didnt mix well. At all.

  • ... March 16, 2010 at 10:46 pm

    Of COURSE you win….DUH!

    Off Topic:

    Today Danny Tanner & I stopped by Fresh & Easy (a smallish grocery) for some things. In the parking lot was a black convertible Porsche Boxter (top was down) and I thought to myself, “I REALLY hope that's what MODG drives…it looks like her. So if not, tell B he needs to get on it. (doesn't it make your heart all warm & fuzzy knowing I think of you even when i'm off the internets? or is that just creepy?)

  • Beckles March 16, 2010 at 10:47 pm

    I'm pretty sure that Danny Tanner sewed a tennis ball into the back of Uncle Jesse's shirts so he wouldn't snore…and he accepted it GRATEFULLY.

  • hotpants™ March 16, 2010 at 10:51 pm

    My husband snores when he's on his back. It drives me mad. Obviously, I'm siding with you. Farts and snores are the worst.

  • juskaulani March 16, 2010 at 10:59 pm

    You win. Boys suck, and sharing beds suck, especially with Danny Tanner.

  • Tara March 16, 2010 at 11:04 pm

    You totally win! My hubby has been known to sing in gibberish in his sleep! I feel your pain. :)

  • Sarah Lynn March 16, 2010 at 11:07 pm

    You have confessions friday, so you win.

  • Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman March 16, 2010 at 11:34 pm

    Farting is 150% annoying, so you win on the point alone.

  • Sara March 17, 2010 at 2:50 am

    Um, I think you could sleep in stilettos, have dreams of kickboxing and eat tuna in bed and you'd still be the winner.

    You should wear a tiara to bed to show your superiority.

  • EL March 17, 2010 at 5:41 am

    Whys everyone all sayin Danny Tanner in their comments? Did I miss something?

    ha ha.

  • carrie1 March 17, 2010 at 9:23 am

    Ugghh…. I am totally with you on the bed hog thingy! Chris is a major bed hog… he is up my booty every night… I call him my little hemroid.

    What ever happened to Danny Tanner?

  • Mrs. Newlywed Giggles March 17, 2010 at 9:57 am

    Danny Tanner and I discussed this pressing matter and we have come to the conclusion that you WIN.

  • SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB March 17, 2010 at 2:37 pm

    snoring is a deal breaker. that's why my snoring and MOANING – yes i said, MOANING. he moans like a beaten woman – has his own bedroom.

    true story.

  • KK March 18, 2010 at 1:48 am

    Twin beds like I Love Lucy?

  • stacy's mama March 19, 2010 at 12:11 am

    danny tanner isn't any tanner than a jersey shore kid.

    p.s. i haven't slept in the same bed as my own husband since 2004. mostly because he farts, snores, and puts his heavy legs on me at night. super annoying.

  • kanishk March 19, 2010 at 5:53 am

    , you should punch him in his Danny Tanner.
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  • Melissa March 20, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    Now baby will happen if Danny Tanner and the Asian-but-not-really sleep separate bedrooms.

  • The GPS: Sexual times and old urine in my purse. Somehow they go together. July 16, 2010 at 8:07 am

    […] Lie post This is actually one of my favorite posts in MODG history. […]

  • Jenelle July 16, 2010 at 1:32 pm

    Just reading this post now in July! Danny Tanner is fine and dandy, but that bed picture you found… oh wherever on the internets you did… is my favorite bed of ALL TIME. Pink and you know it’s sparkley. <3

  • Jessica September 16, 2010 at 3:38 pm

    You are hilarious. Danny Tanner would be proud.

  • designstiles October 3, 2010 at 2:13 pm

    I shared a bed once with Danny Tanner. Not as sparkly as I’d hoped.

    My bed is farts galore. I swear The Husband saves them all until it’s bed time. I was known to steal blankets in my day, until started sleeping with my own. His and hers, it works out magically.