I'm funny

*UPDATED* I forgot the awesome vampire face*. The many murder faces of MODG. And one of B.

February 7, 2010

In case you’re a weather moron and didn’t hear the news, we had a shit sack and a half of snow this weekend. Thereby, trapping B and I in the house. I realized this weekend that blizzards make me kind of murdery and I became very thankful for private rooms with doors. Here are some other weekend realizations:

1) When give a lot of free time and a computer, I gravitate towards activities involving pictures of myself (last weekend was Asian exploration, this one is the weekend of BANGS).
2) Painting bathrooms is for boys who pee on the toilet and not girls who stand on them.

So this weekend, L sent me the bombest coolest narcissistic website known to web kind: Taaz. L was all, I know you’re bored, so do stuff with pictures of yourself. I present the makeover website. Get ready to waste 17 hours of your life and possibly get fired from your job. You.are.welcome.

Ok this is what we started with. A super creepy picture of myself where I look like I could rape your brain with my eyes. Fun! Let’s make me over.

So this is a dramatic start to our makeover. I call this one the, give me 5 dollars and I’ll put a voodoo curse on your sister. Also here is a special amulet that I keep with my Stevie Nicks albums. Hang it over your bed and borrow my chicken to perform the spell. NO THANKS.
I call this one, I’ll stab you with my bag of knives. If I saw this girl in a casino (she’s definitely in a casino) I would assume 1) she shops at Bebe exclusively 2) she owns 7 fur coats 3) She carries 4 vials of lethal poison at all times, just in case. Nope. Next.
BAH! F. akldsjf;aklsndv;mnv;ajsd
Somehow my face became dirty with this look. This woman is the star of Harry Potter 98 and she is the Wicked Older Pop Star who sleeps in the dirt with the snakes and weasels (shout out Bat Cave). You DO NOT CROSS HER. She will suffocate you with her cape.  Horrors.
Wait could it be? I kiiiiind of dig this. It’s a little extra Asian and we all know that 2010 is the year of the Asian for me. Bangs in the eyes are awesome. Who needs to see stuff?
Meet Jacinda. This woman saves locks of her ex-boyfriend’s hair.  She also wears floor length denim skirts and black lace tops. Her head is giant. Not mine, hers. 
*Twihards* Eat your face off.
And finally, the looks I decided to go with. The overall conclusion of this experiment is that in order to look less D horror flick, I need some GD spray tanner on my face immed if not sooner. Wild hair makes me afraid of my own face and it is very hard for me to look un-Asian. Feast your eyes on the beauty below before you run away with screams and night terrors. 
Happy Monday to you. Loves, sparkles and bangs.

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  • Cee February 7, 2010 at 8:56 pm

    I like B's look a lot. His eye make-up resembles a patron of the bar Fangtasia, his lips look like a middle school girl and his hair reminds me of a polygamous mormon grandma.

  • blueviolet February 7, 2010 at 8:59 pm

    I'm with you on the Asian bang rock-out. You're doing it in style. B, oh B….o.m.g.b.

  • Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman February 7, 2010 at 9:04 pm

    Snow also makes me murdery. And drunk. Not a good combo. Last photo is hot, I like the guyliner.

  • DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom February 7, 2010 at 9:17 pm

    How'd you get that picture of Adam Lambert?

  • Glamorous Newlywed February 7, 2010 at 9:19 pm

    In the words of the most genius person in the universe: “That's Hot”.

    K, I'm done now.

  • Bridget February 7, 2010 at 9:19 pm

    Seriously… I just cut my bangs last week. I sort of regret it but this made me realize it could be worse.

  • Shell February 7, 2010 at 9:25 pm

    Those are so funny!

  • GirlyAtLaw February 7, 2010 at 9:28 pm

    I saw paranormal activity over the weekend and haven't had any trouble sleeping. That photo of B, however, will haunt me for days and nights to come.
    I'm going to go watch episodes of Jem and the Holograms on youtube now to counter act the sheer horror of the last two photos of B.

    Your hair in the starting photo looks blue which is either you manifesting blue hair with the power of your subconscious desire to have blue hair or just a reflection from the pretty color of your wall. Unless you have something to confess!

  • Chew February 7, 2010 at 9:30 pm

    Oh my gosh this is too freakin funny, I can tell you had way too much fun with this!! I think I liked Jacinda the best, I could totally be bff's with her:)

  • MiMi February 7, 2010 at 9:31 pm

    OMG, B…why does B sorta turn me on in that picture…?
    And you…you look like Debbie Gibson in some of those shots…ah, you and B are hot. It makes me sing, “Only in my dreams…” Ode to Debbie.

  • Smart Ass Sara February 7, 2010 at 9:32 pm

    I guess the bonus here is that you already found B's Halloween costume super early. Thus ensuring you'll get the best wigs available at Hot Topic. 😉

  • Masala Chica February 7, 2010 at 9:33 pm

    ok. i really really am digging on the bangs with the curly-ish dark hair. I also like the one after that was a bit more straightish – long bangs. I can't tell which description went to which picture after a while. But to be honest – i think you are the hottest in the first. why mess with perfection toots?

  • Juliana February 7, 2010 at 9:47 pm

    Dang it friend, now I am going to go have to spend forever on that dang site. B looks really like a combination between Amy Winehouse, Edward Cullen and someone else that I cannot remember. Anyhoo—you look amazing in the first picture.

  • Jenn February 7, 2010 at 9:51 pm

    i always find the best time-wasters on your site. this one is quite disturbing, though. i think your best look is the half blonde half dark. 😉

  • Meghan February 7, 2010 at 9:52 pm

    Oh my lerd, I love Jacinda. Does she wear Birkenstocks too?

  • Southern Gal February 7, 2010 at 9:53 pm

    Y'all look like you should be on “Goth Talk” (the SNL show) :)

  • Ams February 7, 2010 at 10:01 pm

    There is A LOT of raping with eyes business going on today … now that I think about it – I want to be like you so I might have to put my old picture back up on my blog!!
    Happy Weekend lady!

  • Amanda {My Life Badly Written} February 7, 2010 at 10:07 pm

    scary freekin shit!!

  • knitwit February 7, 2010 at 10:19 pm

    See, now instead of cleaning my filthy house so my kid's therapist can come over tomorrow and fix him, I'm going to call and tell her we're all sick and do this instead.
    Has anyone ever told you you look like Cate Blanchett? You kinda do.

  • Sarah RDH February 7, 2010 at 10:27 pm

    I wish I had this kind of time. I really do.

  • Karls February 7, 2010 at 10:42 pm

    I quite like the Gothic Whore look.

  • Geez Louise♥ February 7, 2010 at 10:56 pm

    I die. B's picture killed me. Halarious!

  • Sarah Lynn February 7, 2010 at 10:56 pm

    I don't think I'm going to get snowed in down here, but I think I might have to check this out on a rainy day occasion. I like the Harry Potter one. Red is a good color with your complexion, plus it makes you look like you could set someone ablaze by just staring them down (and I mean that in a good way). lol Hope you had a good weekend despite being trapped.

    Also, I kinda cried a little when there was no confession friday. That has got me laughing throw the weekends, because my days off tues/wed (i know, it sucks).

    Sorry, I know I've already blew up your comment wall, but thank you for commenting on my latest post. It was something hard to write, but it's something I've needed to tell for along time. I appreciate it :)

  • Essie the Accidental Mommy February 7, 2010 at 11:25 pm

    HA! Casino Chick could TOTALLY go to the Jersey Shore!

    Many praises to you for not killing your husband over a long, locked in weekend. You should get a prize.

  • Cathy February 7, 2010 at 11:30 pm

    Don't think I don't know what you're up too. Trying to out-cute my profile pic. Whatever.

  • Meagan@Megs7827 February 7, 2010 at 11:35 pm

    Have you done the celeb hair on your head thing on instyle.com? It is my favorite!

  • gayle February 7, 2010 at 11:35 pm

    Makes me want to try it. Seriously!! There were a couple I liked!!

  • Erin February 7, 2010 at 11:37 pm

    These pictures are ridiculously funny!! I am loving every single look you have going on here… B's look is pretty good too.
    PS… In the blonde one, you kind of look Ashlee Simpson-ish.
    Hysterical. I love your blog!

  • hotpants™ February 7, 2010 at 11:40 pm

    I was about to turn the computer off and go to bed. Thanks to B's picture, I will be having nightmares.

  • Levon February 8, 2010 at 12:07 am

    OMG are you seriously deleting my comments?? I know i commented on this earlier.

  • Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman February 8, 2010 at 12:15 am

    I just spent one full hour trying on Carrie Underwood/Shakira/Beyonce hair … thought you would want to know.

  • ZDub February 8, 2010 at 12:18 am

    WRONG. I'm way too drunk for this mess.

    P.S. In the third pic, you look like my twin sister.

  • Kiera February 8, 2010 at 1:00 am

    I dont even know how to appropriately respond to this. everything you've described is dead on. jacinda? really? so. funny.

  • Nikolett February 8, 2010 at 1:02 am

    LOL B is looking like a hidden member from KISS or something, haha. And I love how you commented about not being sure if you wanted bangs and this whole post is about such funny make-overs with bangs.

    Now all I can think about is 'Napoleon Dynamite' where Pedro goes, “I like her bangs.”

    And I will gladly take your snow away, we have nothing here!

  • Calling_Rhonda February 8, 2010 at 1:30 am

    I dig the bangs as well! Except I would go a tad bit shorter, because in reality I guess we do need to see stuff! hehe

  • NicholeCamarillo.com February 8, 2010 at 5:52 am

    Yeah, so, it's like… 3am. Yes… I am STILL making myself over. As if I didn't need something ELSE to be addicted to. Ha.

  • Lil' Woman February 8, 2010 at 6:49 am

    Loving B's raccoon eye look! :)

  • Sara February 8, 2010 at 7:49 am

    I think your last one looks like Lady Gaga, but hotter.

    And in my head, I just sang the lyrics to “Paparazzi” because I thought it'd be less creepy than writing the lyrics down.

  • sarah February 8, 2010 at 8:47 am

    The only picture I'm pressed with is the last one.

  • Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic February 8, 2010 at 9:22 am

    bwahahahaha Twihard! love it.

    The one you said you liked does look nice!

    I think B should re-think his day job. He's totally To Wong Foo!

  • Michelle aka Mommy February 8, 2010 at 10:55 am

    i'm actually kinda digg'n the “i'll kill you w/ my bag of knives” look. not bad.

    and oh, how lovely. B is absolutely gorgeous. breathtaking. don't be surprised if the “shore” calls. sexy bitch.

    (my 10month old is crying after sneaking a peek of that pic on my computer…thanks B…jerk)

  • AJ February 8, 2010 at 11:34 am

    holy crap!
    That's funny!

    I love it. My fav is the vampire look. nice.

    B. bahahaha

  • Nessa February 8, 2010 at 11:58 am

    An interesting experiment. The very last picture scared the crap out of me.


  • Erin February 8, 2010 at 12:15 pm

    This is f$%&ing FANTASTIC!
    I think the Twihard one is DA BOMB. But there are so many to choose from! So glad you gave us lots of options here.

  • MiMi February 8, 2010 at 12:20 pm

    Oh yeah…the vamp face ROCKS.

  • Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts February 8, 2010 at 12:22 pm

    Oh I love it!!! I'm so gonna do this when I get home. lol

  • Jane February 8, 2010 at 12:35 pm

    I'm loving the blonde top with black hair on the bottom. Looking good girlfriend.

  • Theresa Milstein February 8, 2010 at 12:41 pm

    I'm envious of B's hair, with its body and length. As for you, all that time spent and your original photo looks better than the rest.

  • SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB February 8, 2010 at 12:53 pm

    only retards and blind people need to see stuff

  • Bathwater February 8, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    wow there are some sites that should not be shown to girls with to much time on there hands.

  • amy kelinda February 8, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    Whoa now. I swear B belongs in Motley Crue with that look. AND, I think you need bangs that cover your eyes.

  • Mara February 8, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    haha omg these are so funny! I can definitely see myself doing this for hours!

  • saltsays February 8, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    I'm digging B's eyeliner and side mullet. He should go for that look all the time.

    Thank you immensely for this epic time waster. I, too, was trapped inside by snow for days.

  • saltsays February 8, 2010 at 1:51 pm

    PS In the last one, you look exactly like this girl I was friends with in LA who loved Twilight and hung out in goth clubs. She actually got plastic surgery because she wanted to look more Asian.

  • Renee February 8, 2010 at 2:03 pm

    Proof that Asians should never go blonde…way to educate.

  • Mommy Lisa February 8, 2010 at 2:41 pm

    Aren't we always contemplating,


    Or growing them out again?

  • Morgan February 8, 2010 at 2:49 pm

    You kind of remind me of me in several of the bang ones. Especially the voodoo curse one. Bad thing?

  • Amanda February 8, 2010 at 2:53 pm

    Blondie you is so Real Housewives of New Jersey.

  • you're stupid and it makes me sad February 8, 2010 at 3:49 pm

    Hilarious! You rock those bangs :)

  • BugginWord February 8, 2010 at 3:49 pm

    B looks fantastic Asian.

  • Amie February 8, 2010 at 3:50 pm

    You are a really pretty vampire.

  • Jenny February 8, 2010 at 3:58 pm

    the first makeover pic is a twin with jill zarin. i expect you to start shrieking about bubbies and tiny dogs and really fancy fabric.

    it's also my fave bc you mentioned stevie.

  • Corrie Howe February 8, 2010 at 6:39 pm

    Okay, you can't fool me. That's B. But I agree, I like some other photos of you better than these ones.

  • Slices of Beauty... February 8, 2010 at 6:50 pm

    They all made me laugh!
    Happy Monday love.

  • Aunt Juicebox February 8, 2010 at 7:18 pm

    Next time see if they got a fro.

  • Katelin February 8, 2010 at 8:07 pm

    you have the twilight look down with that last one, haha.

  • The girl with the flour in her hair February 8, 2010 at 10:04 pm

    I've lost hours of my life on the InStyle makeover site. I've even given my kids makeovers on there. Is that wrong?

  • jules February 8, 2010 at 10:24 pm

    I'm going bat-shit ape-crazy with all this f-ing snow and we're about to get another foot tomorrow?!?! WTF? I was all prepared to be snuggley and romantic with my guy this weekend and things did NOT go as planned.

    I kind of like the make-over with the dark red lipstick though! Now off to waste tons of time with my own!

  • Vodka Logic February 9, 2010 at 7:34 am

    Looks like fun.. and yes a waste of time… I like doing both. :)

  • Sarah February 10, 2010 at 12:53 am

    what a trip….

  • KK February 10, 2010 at 1:00 am

    Some of those are freaky!

  • .jimaie.marie. February 10, 2010 at 5:34 pm

    I seriously can't get over the last picture, it's drawing me in like no other.

  • Shandal February 11, 2010 at 11:59 pm

    Might have to try this… curious to see what I'd look like with bangs. Fabulous captions of your pics.